Kabbalah reveals the secret to a smoother life - Rabbi Alon Anava

ah [Music] we wanted to talk about sensitive topic tonight and unfortunately very sadly we all facing all sorts of challenges in our life and we all wish for ourselves to have a smoother life the question is how do you do that and the question is why everybody has their ups and downs all the time the reality is is that that sort of shame one shrim wants us to have challenges in our life and there's a reason for that as always shame we're going to talk about that but mainly we want to find more solution than the reason the reason for that is because if everything would be good then what would be the point of the world if everything would go smooth in my lives then what would be there will be any challenges Prashant said no I'll create a situation that there will be challenges in your life because when you lacking something that's when you miss it the ocassion every two months sometimes less I leave my family sometimes for five days sometimes to ten days sometimes two weeks and no offense but I don't like these trips I'm very happy with my way I live I have a Shiva I have a seminary for girls I have a show I don't like leaving I have a wife and have kids and I like my own bed but leave it on even though I don't sleep but when I do I like it but you know what besides the fact that it's a big school to go and to talk to a lot of people's or to inspire other people you know what's the most dominating thing in these streets is that I learned to appreciate what I have because I don't have my kids around me I don't have my wife around me I don't have my place I don't have my drawer when I put my stuff in and when you don't have something that's when you appreciate it if you have everything very accessible you don't appreciate it and when you don't appreciate it you start neglecting it as the Talaash it says which money shouldn't waive up you get comfortable you'll start kicking or shams like okay I'm going to create a concept that it calls her still the still means are consumers that I don't see now I don't see then it arouses the the yearn for me to now get it back so the collectible created a system in the world that I'm going to be lacking something why in order for me to want to get it now our many want to talk tonight is not why I have problems in my life I want to talk more about practical things in my life that will make me able to have them a little bit of a smoother life the sad reality is and that's the sad reality is that everybody has challenges in their lives and a lot of them you know the ocean we have the the hood to have to help thousands of people I have a very organized system and we get on an average day anywhere between thousands of to thousand messages that's an average day just imagine how many messages are funneling into our system that's about 40 50 thousand emails per month that need to be processed you know it's the sad thing about it I never got one email somebody's saying hello my name is so-and-so I just wanted to tell you that everything is good I just wanted to report that life is work all the emails are horror stories and devastating stories this person knows their spouse that person can get married that person lost their business this person is is suffering a disease and they're coming in in loans not even one email you know I am actually exaggerating one email actually came because you know why because I said the exact same thing a few months ago in the lecture so somebody took the time it was York oh oh let's do it tonight it's not a shame doesn't marry with you we got an email somebody saying you're wrong I'm going to break your ratio life is good and I'm very thankful for what I have but if we're going to make a vote right now I can guarantee to you that nobody will raise their hand if I ask them if everything is good in your life that's the sad reality why is it like that we consider it for five or five hours now to dissect why it's like that if you want to look at it in a very general way then Shane wants us to scream from ashes to come because if everything would be comfortable then my grandma shares the same passion feels okay I'll make it uncomfortable there's at some point so I can't take it anymore all right finish it now Shane is pushing everybody to corners but this is in a very general way to look at it in a very personal way to look at it is that a shim says your job in this world is to take the darkness in your life and to transform it into right that's what we were created for it says in resolved that we were created for one action that is called it caviar gaseous it Rocca meaning to subdue the other side of holiness like a person that is fighting in a fight right now he needs to subdue the opponent now what happens when I actually do that the verson resulted in Khafre cetera meaning that I have to subdue the other side of holiness and the result will be top of a shuffled anova transforming the darkness into light that's what I was created for sham puts me in a situation and says here's something dark now transform it into light if you want to learn the mystical explanation how and why five thousand seven hundred seventy seven years ago Adama Liu Shan was placed in this world and unfortunately him and his wife sins and when he sinned in the sin of the tree of knowledge and there was other sins too there was actually many more other sins just at a demolition beg the Kozma who please don't reveal what I did and it's not revealed and later on couple thousand years later came Allah by Shimon bar Yohai and you know exactly what the godmother sham did and a demolish Mohnish madam Liu Shan came to a bishop on biosciences please do not advertise my sins in your holy book so there are much more sins than what we know but the sin that we know about is the sin of the tree of knowledge even though right after that there was the sin of idol worship or forbidden relations and lunch and three since the demolition has to do t-con for three sins but what happened then happened a concept that is called velocity limb she either Kaleem it means the breaking of the vessels and what it means in the mystical term dama Lucian was a very high level soul but the lowest part of his soul which is the nefesh the water and the neshamah the three levels of the neshamah they broke into pieces and they shattered into pieces and they shattered into millions and millions of sparks and they spread all around the universe and this is called should be lotta killing that caused the concealment meaning that I don't see the positive thing in everything now I see a challenge for Mesa now something negative but I don't really see that it's actually something positive but I want to talk about more practical things how to bypass it it doesn't really matter why we have the challenge that's the problem that there are two questions that other people ask and there are the most annoying questions one of them is what is and the other one is why the what if is the real annoying question what is what's the matter but but it's not the situation doesn't matter what if and then why who cares why it doesn't matter why now I will retract what I just said because sometimes it does matter why because when something bad happens to you or something inconvenient it's for you to stop to take a break and to make an assessment to make an analogy wait a minute whoa whoa something wrong happened let me see maybe I'm doing something wrong says in the Talmud habala dam is suing a person has this to him has hardship if especially myself to look through his actions maybe he's doing something wrong and the reality is that usually the colosseo who will give you a hint in the department where you are neglecting something so special on you get a ticket you have to raise the red light oh you know maybe when it comes to something with finance I'm doing something wrong maybe I cheated in business maybe I failed in Gissel maybe I cheated somebody out of their money maybe I owe somebody money so it will usually come in the department's of where you did something so it is the right way when something wrong happens is to make a quick analogy and that's in itself will remove a certain amount already of the problem because the thing is that we're good human beings but the reality is that we sin a lot whether we do it deliberately whether we do it knowingly it doesn't matter right now but the fact is jen suzi kosher here violet the right stuff even a Tzadik can constitutional fail so who are we so here and there we fail and Shannara and lying a little bit and stealing and looking at the wrong place and here i don't feel like doing this mitzvah and then I want to I don't know if that Mitzvah so when I'm lacking these meets wrote that starts separating my connection to our shame a lot of people think that the mitzvahs are a burden why do I need to do many of them can I just do two or three why do I have to do all of them what's the point of all of them so we're lucky in our generation we may be doing a third of them it's what we can do all them it's not most of the mixer we need corny moon identity element atomic - we need a king we may be doing a third of them it's worth maybe 200 Mitzvahs we have to do a lot of people say why do I need to do all the meats vote to cite the track for one second just to understand is a mitzvah if you translate the word Mitzvah it's a commandment but really a Mitzvah is the connection comes from the word SAFTA so there is a connection and when I do a mitzvah I connect myself to the Kadosh go home that's what it is and every Mitzvah will connect a different aspect of my soul to the collage Mahal now if I'm not doing all the mitzvot then I'm lacking connection to the master of the universe and every Mitzvah I like owing them it's both channels because it's allowing me to connect - Shiva - the master of the universe so one Mitzvah will create a channel of primacy and one Mitzvah will create a channel of Health and another chain mitzvot will create a connection of me being happy and another connection and every Mitzvah makes a connection which means that when I'm lacking some of them its votes I am cutting my connection it's very very simple I'm not punishing anybody when I'm not doing a mitzvah I'm basically punishing myself obviously one by Ojai gives an example in the soil gives the parable that between our neshama to the Kadosh Maho there's a route that connects my soul to ocean of course it's a spiritual rope now the same way that a physical rope is built from very many many thin strings then this spiritual rope is built from many thin strings to be exact from 620 strings as all calls it cos Amedeo 622 laser light that every Mitzvah is a connection to the kailash bajo live I'm a observant individual then I have all these channels connecting me to a shell and I guess my sustance through those we thought so if I start cutting these channels off by not doing also the meat roads the precepts or not doing the positive mitzvot whatever it is I'm starting to cut my connection therefore by default I'm going to start slacking whether it's Panesar whether it's my other half maybe it's my HMI maybe it's my happiness I'm doing it to myself I can come and complain to it to somebody a lot of people say oh because of always punishing me Shemp is punishing me Shem is not punishing anybody shame is not a third grade teacher that it smacks you if you speak or it puts you in timeout Shem created a system and he says this is the these are the rules to the system here's the Torah the Torah comes from the word Mora to show me the way and the Torah says don't do this do that don't do this do that that's very simple like I tell my little kids don't put your hand in the socket you'll get shocked and you know if you bang your head at the wall you're going to get a headache that's how it works in this world so you open the Torah the Torah gives yo guidelines what to do and what not to do so this is in a very general way why I will go through my life from also some hardships but that's not what I want to mainly concentrate on this is also very important that's why one should also make an analogy right away something something wrong happens even something as small as you get a ticket wait a minute let me make a quick analogy two minutes let me think Maybelle somebody Ronnie maybe I did give them maybe I took something that is not mine oh and if you don't find it okay so I tried I made an effort I couldn't pinpoint the problem and again usually the hint will come in the department where you where you did the damage then comes another problem that most people choose to ignore and that's the cause of many of the hardships that we go through a portion of it is I do to myself and we don't need to go too much on the subject you the points we have mitzvoth the mid-south connects us to rush em I'm knockin mitzvahs don't go and complain make a quick analogy way where you see a deficiency and working it very simple but then comes a different thing that causes a lot of people a lot of hardship and I told you from these thousands of emails that there we get it's all these devastating stories this person tells me my mom doesn't talk to me another person tells me my kid doesn't listen to me all these things that happening in our lives that are driving us crazy and my life is affected by that how many hours a day you are you missing sleep or you're not concentrated because something is doing something to you in your life that is bothering you can be a wife can be husband can be your employer can be your boss can be your neighbor can be a friend just imagine think how many hours a day you are bothered and occupied by somebody who's doing something to you now if you make that analogy you'll find out that a lot of the hours of the day you are bothered that person didn't call you back that person is ignoring you that person is behaving slightly accusation like that that other person is talking less and all about you the point is that we go through many different things and then we do a stern action that is causing a lot of problems and that action is called to hold grudge is that I hold in me a lot of anger or a lot of grudge or or any type of negative feelings toward somebody else and if you really make an analogy you'll find that you you constantly get upset at people the person will cut you on the street and you get upset like as if he really planned to cut you trust me he didn't wake up in the morning and say you know and I'm gonna see this guy I'm gonna cut him and I'm going to I'm going to show it that people don't do that happens to be that they were in a rush or whatever it is and we catch you in the street and you now the whole way you're chasing after him and I'm going to show him what it is to cut me and the whole day you're thinking how dare he do that to me that's how foolish it is that you let something so minor and irrelevant control your day now this is something very minor but what happens when your wife tells you something you don't like to hear in the morning or you're looking at the men's oh how many times you tell your kid to do something and the kid doesn't listen and you get upset or any other thing we no need to really make analogies now every little scenario the point is that we get very affected in a very negative way that it takes my energy and my focus because somebody did something towards me or against me and this is called to hold grudge and I hope I have hate I have anger I'm not talking about right now the next step that now I want to answer back I want to start a fight I'm going to revenge I'm going to show him how how how I do my business the point is that it doesn't matter right now why forget about the why we're not going to analyze the why because there's no answer for the why because no Schmo who wants us to work on a list of attributes of midot the student of the result behind Vittal explains in his book Shahrukh Ducie that MIT's roads and learning Torah is very very important there's no question here so learn the line to follow the toe and to do the mitzvot it's like air and food for your neshama the same way that you have to eat every day you have to sleep every day you have to breed every day then the same way you have to give you a national air and food and that's the one with what no question here you don't give your neshama what it needs is going to start bothering you this is as a side note if you should take something out of tonight just just remember that few days ago was the first of use animals right you know many emails I got asking me for a hit they are not too fast my sisters brothers uncle is sick and I have to take into this and it's going to be hard to set you're coming to me with all these stories about your sisters uncles and it's loose and you have to another exaggerating ordering maybe 5,000 emails asking me or to give them some type of a vision of the faster day I was breastfeeding three years ago but I still have the memory at just past 12 hours you just tell people to fast they're dreading the fast excuse me you know why she made fast days so we will pray Sigma she'll just our own effect so we will pray harder for the regu out to come telling people now in three weeks is the Shabbat oh my gosh a whole day without eating what am I going to do that's the sad reality that the day of the fast cams you're not thinking of the destruction of it oh my gosh you're thinking of the destruction of your appetite so why do we dread the fast because I don't have access to food you know how spoiled we are you know that 60 70 years ago people didn't have a fridge nothing about 500 years ago does about 80 years ago who had a fridge who hadn't you know you're hungry you go to the fridge you open it make yourself a sandwich you go then on the local Street here you have like 50 restaurants who have that 50 60 80 years ago we're very spoiled we're like you know if we don't eat for two minutes something's wrong if my mouth doesn't move all day long psychologically something's wrong I have to put something in my mouth so people are dreading the fast because they can't take the fact that they don't have access 24/7 to food which in itself is a problem by the way doesn't say anyway that I have to chew all day long it's actually extremely unhealthy to eat all day long a little bit in the morning a little bit in the afternoon rather maybe are a snack or something people all day long you know like they're having their mouth has to to chew and people are wondering whether they have a headache you to reach all day long the same way that we dread the past why do we dread the past because when I don't eat for three hours then my mouth gets dry and then another after two hours I get a headache and after two hours I get a stomachache and after two hours I'm weak and after another two hours I'm weak and I'm saying I want to faint and that's exactly what you're doing to your neshama by the way if you don't give your soul food all the time it becomes weak and weak and weak thank you and then we wonder why we have all these issues because in a Shama is screaming from inside hello you didn't pray today hello you only learn to are months ago how do you I don't have air I'm choking here so 90% of all the problems that we go through emotional physical mental is your neshama telling you you ate today like 500 kilos of food you can't sit them and learn for half an hour give me some food here too so we put our soul on a diet and then we complain but going back to where we left off is that the cassava home for whatever odd reason he wants us to work on our me dote on our attributes I started telling you that the becoming wheat Alice says in the book shall I give shelter to mitts vote and and the learning Torah is food and air for our soul but really our abode at a sham is the Kuna Meadows it's to work on my attributes and a shame is going to give me a few attributes a few character traits that I have to resign so one person will be having a problem with anger another program will have another person will have problem with being patients another person is jealous another person is sad another person is depressed another person is a judgmental we have all these Meadows that we have to refine them and it doesn't take a year or two it can take you 50 years to refine your Mead Oats to refine your character traits but in order for us to be successful in these refinements of character traits Hashem is very kind to us and he puts all the right people in my life so if I have to work on anger he's going to put a very annoying wife that's going to make me angry all day long so I know how to work on my anger if I have a problem with patience then a shame is going to give me very annoying kids that all day long to drive me crazy and if I have to work on my mead of jealousy and the Germans going to put me in a community that everybody's better than mean everything so Hashem is very weird sense of humor but he puts in front of us the exact people that we need to deal with just that we see these people as enemies or annoying people we don't see them as our mirrors and we don't see these people as our helpmates when Adama is shown after he was created then he was sitting on a chair and a Shem brought to him all the creatures and Adama has shown started naming all the creatures all the animals he brought a line he said this would be called Ali a brother an ox he said this will be called show llama Liu Shan has aquacolor she saw the godly power that enlivens the animal and he named it and then he noticed that all the animals have made in English it's not all the animals but in Hebrew most of the animals the gender has a different name a lion so the male is that the air and the females livia so and actually most of the animals and the revolutions in here any minute how come I don't have a wife I want one too the mistake that he did but up until today we have a huge boner with a llama Rochon you could have left my stuff by ourselves we had a men Club checkers I'm joking of course I also have a life that's why going trips every two months ha special um I'm joking everything is the in a joke just to make it like but so the Malaysian said I also want to life so chances are you and wife no problem I'll give you one but those vocal cells also Adam Leo's levodopa Hollow is a connect door it's not good for men to be by himself I'll make for him a helpmate but in a very word weird wording he said SL can I go as there is a help made Nick doors against him even though one can translate Megiddo is next to him keep me naked but as she says in haha it is worthy then she will be help me she'll help him we mother ha heon ago is she's going to go against that's very simple so she puts in front of us mirrors if I have the merits I look at all the people in my life and I see the reflection that is thrown from me on that person and I know what I need to work on now if a sham didn't want us to do it you would create seven billion islands and we would all live on Islands and we will just wave to each other from far away and both of share might live here by myself but a shame says no I'm going to put you all together now you can really know each other now let's see how much you can tolerate each other and the amazing thing is that usually the most of the C code comes with a spouse now the single ones all day long they pray rabbi give me baja I'm single ready for 20 years I want to find my other half then the thing can you find the other half for years next month you know it's too bad which there's the how do you call it in America Valentine so it's the Jewish Valentine's 15 minutes from where I live is a grave a Mooka oh who can be a millionaire that day just standing there just still air doesn't matter what you sell there all the single people come there you can you can come and sell balloons and say just use your Bible rule you'll find your wife everybody buy whatever you say people believe there whatever you want you can hear you you can sell literally air to dead people there but anyways the point is that the person who's single they want so much to get married and they finally find the route they have there's a lot of excitement two days after the wedding now welcome to your life somebody once told me up until the wedding you're talking to the representative you're not talking to the other to the real person you know and in the day they eat nice with the mouths closed you're like a week after the wedding so everything is nice and polite before and during the dating time so you know the man opens the door you know after the after the wedding opens it over yourself so so most of the T : comes with my spouse and then with my kids but everything around me are all these players that a Shem says every person will press the button and if you notice most of the people around us do annoy us on a daily base now the result is forget about right now that every person in my life is coming to show me something I need to work on I told you if you have to work on anger Hashem is going to send you people that are going to make you angry all day long so see how much you can work on your anger so you can refine that attribute and the same thing with many other things but now comes the problem is that I don't recognize that and then I hold the grudge like as if that person did something deliberately to me now there are situations don't get me wrong that people do things the Cavanaugh's Kayla deliberately that is also a hoppity's everything that happens here is because the Shem allowed it to happen by the way this is what a lot of people don't understand when something happens to me in my life is because the Shem allowed it to happen if somebody stole for me if somebody cheated me in business if somebody insulted me it's cousin Shem allows it to happen for a reason I have to humble myself and understand okay that's so that's what the the kailash bajo I have to accept it here I have to work on a completely different attributes for the lines of you who pray every day I hope most of you all of you do but we read a certain verse when we say to her new every day and we read the 13 attributes of mercy and one of these attributes is called delica pine now when we read these attributes diversity is not only to arouse these attributes in the colosseo whole to arouse the humming the mercy on us but a shame says I want you to be like me so I want you to be a home wrecker noon we occupy but I've existed I want you I want you to be that not me me a shame of course not me so she says that's what I want you to be but when we read these thirteen attributes of mercy most people don't even know what they're saying or they don't even bother or they they're just looking for a reason why not to sit 200 today maybe some static died or some people are moving there they know all that the kin when they die all today we don't have to set the hundred you know 52 miles from now from here somebody made a bliss we don't have to take the home today like you know it's the same country now so if one would know the power of saying that are known of saying we do every day they would say fifty times a day no three times a day but one of these attributes that people zoom towards is called Ellen hope I'm and then I hope I'm the translation to it is fairness so they're 'no smiie n--'s that somebody did something deliberately to me to hurt me and i let go i forgive that person and that's a very very hard thing to do I'm not talking about when somebody is something by mistake or not knowing that somebody did something on purpose they knew exactly what they're doing and they have a whole thought how to do it and it stabs me in my heart insulted me in front of everybody humiliated me in front of everybody I lost a lot of money because of that whatever it is people call carry anger for 50 years because somebody did something 50 years ago and they don't know how to to let go half of the sicknesses that you have is because of that not that I'm wishing anybody's constitutional to be sick but many of the sicknesses that we have is because we're holding such anger and negativity in me that I'm not willing to let go and literally I can say in percentage but I do believe that the majority of our hardship is not because they did something wrong and I'm getting a reaction is because I'm holding so much negativity towards somebody and instead of being humble and saying the will of the calash Mahal I shall wanted it to happen this business will didn't work out not because that person sheet is made is because the Sham didn't want me to make this business deal and I have to be humble to accept that it came from the kadosh below and by that I know how to forgive that person two weeks ago we read in the PowerShell co-op a very interesting story that Allah doesn't make up stories because really you know how many stories happen in the last 5,000 years why does it so how is to tell us specific stories why so we can learn something out of it and this is one of the most important teachings in the Torah the story with co-op so let's analyze this for one second cover this guy who starts arguing with Moshe Levin oh the King washer Levin was the king because although the prophets this guy comes and starts rebuking him and arguing him now he had all the reasons to do it arrey his family he was a cousin B he was a tell me Tom more than that he was a trillionaire he was the Bill Gates of the generation it was very very wealthy politically he was powerful he was able to take within two hundred fifty heads of some authority you can just imagine what a powerful person is and he comes and he has a claim towards Moshe Rabbeinu who made you King who made you the boss here to decide your brother's going to be declared your nephews are going to be running the show here what is this mafia here long story short he comes and he rebukes motion laverna now what would you think would be the reaction as moshe rabbeinu would have reacted you would think that motion of any was telling whoa relax back off how dare he talk to me like that you know who i am i'm moshe laverna I talked to a sham on a daily base I took the Jews got every time I split to see how dare you even talk to me even go back to your place that's how you would think that motion Albania would react and he would have all the rights to react like that you know as moshe rabbeinu does the Torah says very polar an alpha if he fell on his face and he started crying and he said himself maybe I did something wrong maybe call him right maybe I did something against the will of the cannot becau if Hashem is sending me this guy now to rebuke me he didn't say whoa how dare he come to me he humbled themselves said maybe I did something wrong that's why Masha Allah ban was called Habana our teacher because most of the study came to get a title alarm got the title IV knew our Father you also forgot the title italic David amel actual Hanavi I wanna coin a little bit says he came they got a title Moshe got a hobby no nobody else got the Hobby no I know now you walk in the street with a beard everybody's on their know about no so but there really is only one grab a no it's Marshall obey no he's our teacher let me know it's my teacher because motional men who comes to teach me me not another you going back to this takuna me dote which i actually have a very interesting course about it when you leave the cities outside take it because it's a very interesting course this is the introduction but the concept the teachings of takuna mythos of the refinements of character traders explains that it all originates with one media one on the good side one on the negative side on the good side is my data ANOVA that's the highest character trait being humble as opposed to it slow-mo melanomas Deborah elokim Hashem created everything within a within opposition we right now but Balaam Balaam was the last day of ashura Bano some say that Balaam was even greater than mochila banner he just directed it into something negative though that's what happened the opposing media attribute of madonna val is the complete opposite which is me de together being pride having gather I'm something now if a person has Vishram has this media of galva of pride right away it will birth to be dots to character traits and during sadness which means that if I have anger or if I have sadness it means that my media might keep my pride was my pride was hurt so I'm reacting either with anger or either with sadness and then the third generation will start developing and burning more Meadows and then I'm going into the scale Moshe Hibino was the ultimate enough Aisha enough Nicole there was nobody more humble than Moshe hobby no that's what he was able to reach to such a high level of prophecy that low calm can a vicar came on Shabbos well because nobody was able to reach to that level of prophecy because he was humble moshe rabbeinu comes to teach us a very simple thing somebody does something bad to me instead of letting my ego right away pop up and saying oh oh how dare you talk to me like that is to put myself down and say wait a minute maybe I did something wrong maybe I'm wrong here how many people have the the humbleness to come and say maybe in this argument I'm wrong most people say no no no I can't be wrong I mean I'm mr. perfect it can't be that I'm wrong that's the reality with most people think I mean people wake up in the morning they look in the mirror you know they said they're like wow Shem I really outdid myself here in this I mean you don't say with words but when you wake up in the morning and you wash your face then you comb your hair like wow and unbelievable what you did here if that was the words I would probably get them so again we don't say with words I know people who do say with words but we don't say regards but that's what we think I can be wrong I mean after all it's me but the reality is that in most cases Ashim says humble yourself and say wait a minute maybe I did something wrong here maybe I'm wrong in this situation and we don't even realize how much we suffer throughout our life because somebody said something somebody did something somebody offended means some type of way and I'm holding it inside of me now what really happens talking about that I'm creating arguments and sometimes it's escalates and becomes a whole big fight I'm taking something negative and I'm holding it inside my system I'm poisoning myself I become bitter I become sad I become angry why because I'm holding something negative in me instead of letting it go and that comes from ADATA Java because some how dare he did that to me you know how sometimes people sometimes are they don't talk to theirs to their brother or sister for 50 years 50 years ago and they invited him to the bar mitzvah he didn't put them in the right seat and how dare he put me in this table in the back and that's it not talking to him sometimes people come and tell me nothing wrong or somebody comes down me I don't talk to my daughter ready for 20 years how can you not talk to your daughter for 20 years oh you know what she said to me and say what who cares what she did to you you're at that superficial that you can't talk to your daughter because she did something to you so our life has a lot of ups and downs we have a lot of challenges we have a lot of problems in our life as it is why add more while make my life even harder by taking more negativity into my life how many times you wake up in the morning somebody in the first thing in the first hour in the morning tells you something and then your whole day you upset somebody sat in your seat in the show so sound your fears begin so what so move to a different place somebody took your parking spot so sometimes people the whole day cooking in their mind they're upset the whole day sometimes I meet somebody the end of the day idea wait what's wrong are gone you look very upset oh don't ask somebody to listen this in the morning let go oh let it go who cares so we don't realize that we nail ourselves to the ground and now what does it create it creates so much negativity in my life that I'm not noticing that I'm causing all this affliction in my life out of the problem nobody else around me I am the problem because they don't know how to humble myself I don't have to let go sometimes you just need just to go so what if you your pride was hurt so what if somebody steps on your ego somebody said something wrong so what humble let it go that's that the greater part is to know how to let go my father taught me something when I was young that up until today I'm telling you this is the most smartest thing that I ever heard in my life and that's how I live my life because I used to I used to get upset at everything and one time I found it so me in life it doesn't matter if you're right it matters if you're smart don't be right in in this world because even if you are a hundred percent right it doesn't matter nobody cares if you're right but you want to be smart and in so many situations that I get myself into I have to prove no I'm right so what if you're right you know you're right but that doesn't mean anything be smart if you want to prove how right you are you're going to go into an argument that for twenty years you're going to go into lawsuits you're going to go into court cases you're going to go into you know problems from here woo what good would it do because you're right so what if you're right what do you want somebody to clap your hands because you're right you're right and stupid excuse me better to be smart and okay and I can guarantee to you that a lot of the problems in our life will start settling away when you know how to let go how to let things be how to forgive how to say okay you know what it's called him call me Cody so give away from my respect a lot of people they're very into that no I somebody came to me not so long ago with a problem with his son and he got so upset and I told him why you're getting so upset he's like he has to respect me so there's that's your problem now are you going into an argument with the son cause he has to respect you so okay so let him wait for him to respect you and in 10 years come back and I'll tell you the same thing again so what if you using he has to respect you that's not how you're going to gain respect and we do it to ourselves and I told him you know if you want the situation with your son to to disappear then forget about your respect forget about your honor forget about the the the the commandment he keeps telling me suddenly became a boom crane commandments competitive is holy America so suddenly you're very big in the in the Torah you know when it comes to praying I mean yarman I tell you every day to come to minyan I don't know where you are suddenly when you need respect over-competitive missile with America's family you become perfect at all so said okay so so much if he needs to respect you but don't don't don't ask for it don't demand you have to respect me and somehow it works the point I want to take from that is very very simple is that a lot of the hardship in my life is coming from the fact that I don't know how to let go I keep the anger in me because somebody did something to me somebody said something to me and it usually it's very very minor things and irrelevant things now I know other people say yeah but some of it is real big ok so what if it's real big you have two choices here to be stubborn and to live in pain or to know how to say I'll be the bigger person and sometimes you know when two people fight that takes the first one to come and say you know it's fine let's just shake hands I'll give up I have both of em six kids and it's funny because I have three boys three girls two of the boys are very good friends and always when they play one of them doesn't know how to lose and the other one is very good with giving up giving giving over so the other the first one is don't Shamu to kill him you know he loses everything goes flying everywhere you cheat you this it suddenly thing flying in the air the other one is smart and he's like you're here you're right said oh no take a turn he knows how to move back a little bit and it's interesting to see how some sometimes you've seen a kid that the character trait and the one who gets angry a lot you obviously you see how he's getting upset very quick and and you know what I'm working with him is to know how to come down very quick okay you have a problem with anger I got that but it's not to hold grudge because sometimes he goes half a day but my older brother he cheated me he didn't cheat you let it go and he just just can't let go the other one he knows how to care to give up give it to give it to give in it's ok side you take it now one should not be a schmuck and all the time give in this is not a good thing but one needs to know when to give in and give out and put less pressure more pressure the point I want to take from that is that we all want to have a much smoother life we want to have a much better life we have as it is enough challenges the challenges are good by the way the challenges are for us to become much much better the psychological who created these challenges because if I wouldn't have a challenge I won't have resistance it's almost like me going now to the to the gym paying hundreds of dollars to the membership of the gym and I walk in when I sit on the bench and I'm like I'm just sitting on the bench you think something's going to happen nothing's gonna happen I need to push to pushing and if the weight doesn't have any weights on it there's no resistance nothing's going to happen so Shem says if you're not going to have resistance in this world you're not going to achieve anything if everything would be smooth then there's not going to be anything to work on so you're not going to achieve anything so Shem created resistance and it's a good thing yes sir is my personal trainer all the situations that are around me is for me to know how to create resistance it's good now all the problem is that this we see there's our enemy but the reality is something good so all these challenges in our life are good things because if I wouldn't have a challenge what would I do you know in our generation unfortunately it's worse for the younger generation the younger generation they don't have challenges only longer like this like hypnotized into a little screen you know they don't put themselves in front of a challenge I can't even imagine if constitutional machine has to wait a few more years I can't even imagine how the jig next generations that it look like when I was a kid I used to build things I used to be build my own toys going into the field now the kids are like the brain is like like brain dead there's no the brain is nothing not even working give a kid some challenges they're like right away they they lose their focus and then right away here take some pills the or take a little lean take this relax relax you have a TD so the problem is that we don't see understand that all these challenges are good for us we see the challenges as a punishment is something that is stopping me but really the challenge is for me to be able to overpower it but besides that I want my life to be smoother and and to go much easier 90% of what I'm going through is because I'm not willing to let go of anger of sadness of holding grudge and you should put it to practice to listen to it and to go like this it's very good but the point is to know how to put it in practice and to know how in business at the time when I have an argument or something going is only my life to know how to make the right analogy and not to take it out of proportion and to know when to say you know fine here I can give up given and so I will forgive now a lot of course comes the right-of-way the question yeah but some people they do it in a sick way they're there they're not letting go and they're constantly doing it that's a whole different thing right now and even in that you need to know how to accept the fact that it came from the Kailash Mahal this is where Shem is asking us and telling us you have to know how to be humble humble means to accept that this salt estate punishment is coming from the Kailash Mahal most people they complain something happens to them they complain three weeks ago I went on a tour to London and I knew before I went on the tour that it's going to be a very very powerful tour because a week before the tour fell down the stairs and I hurt my back but real bad I literally hurt my back that I was five days I couldn't move I was in excruciating pain and I knew oh this store is going to be very very powerful with it so I had to push me down the stairs and of course I had fifty advisors five days I'm on my back I can't move unbelievable pain I had like 60 doctors put your legs up put your legs down put cold - hot do here like this put your head like that and all the advice from everybody and then of course everybody told me you have to cancel the trip this is the C Mon this is a sign for my shame you have to cancel the trip cancel the trip I'm going to cancel the trip this is just a fluke this is the scrub comes to show me how much I have to go on this trip that the answer I had to push me down the stairs sure enough I you know that happened on Thursday I had to leave on Sunday five days I'm literally out I can't move I mean I mean excruciating pain in bed and I kept telling everybody no no you'll see Malaysia but I'll start walking and suddenly when it's time to go through the airport everything will work out sure enough that's what happened it ends up being an unbelievable trips eighteen lectures and five days I was able to get into the school system to go into high school it was unbelievable unbelievable tour five days on the way to the airport I'm driving oh happy both Hashem the tour is over I'm going home all the way to the airport I have a Clark students somebody cuts me on the highway and for him not to run into me I break the wheel to the left my car bumps into the cider to the to the side of the road and my tyres explode on the highway somehow I put my part get the car on the on the the arm of the side of the highway and in my mind I'm Michelle Michelle I'm praying to share please please it's not going to be anything serious I go out two tires are slashed sitting in the highway and I'm like okay I'm going to miss the flight my flight is before Shabbat I'm going to be stuck in Shabbat in London and I'm right away the yet saralidze starting to inject now the amazing thing is this is how amazing a shame is the shame is unbelievable on the way to the airport I have the worst luck with flights um the last passenger going on planes they close the door after me I mean trains are delayed because of me that's that's my model I don't work out so she um says you don't work out I'm gonna make you run in terminals even if I leave a day before I will come the last passengers to the airport I'm not joking with you if you want a plane to be delayed put me on that plane I literally call me later and they're like oh you know like I know last time I was here I don't even know I know how it happened I was somewhere in New Jersey and we had like waited made like a whole list of meetings in the morning and everybody heard them there everybody came and I'm like I get it I'm going to miss the flag not one question one could have only 5 minutes of your time no no I'm gonna miss my flight end up driving like 160 miles an hour I didn't even know how how I was able to even to do it I literally came and you know what happened I came to the airport and then the TSA stops me and and they you know they put the suitcase aside it was it was a very big me stay on and I'm like standing there and every time I go close to the screen me I had to run like 36 gates in New York I literally came I don't even know I thought I'm going to be carried on a on a stretch later on somebody told me go away the plane wouldn't believe because your suitcases are on the plane they can't they can't leave without you long story short I have the worst luck with with planes some of you maybe maybe noticed last time when I was here my daughter joined me and every time we were flying I'm like walking real fast she was like why walking fast I know I'm walking fast just walk fast with me and she's like but you're walking too fast now trust me I know what I'm working fast we through we flew to Phoenix on the way back from Phoenix I'm like walking back out it's the funniest thing was that was like a four day marathon of lectures over there and on the day that I left they were like lectures there was lectures the whole days and then meeting at the end of the day on the way to the airport I'm like already prepared somebody knocks on the door where I was staying at 12:05 and says to the host I heard the rabbi still here I have to ask him a question and they're like the door is like half open they're looking at me and I'm like and he's like long story short they walked in I have one question it was a very long question so we're talking talking talking talking after a while I'm looking at the clock and I'm like please don't tell me that's really the time please tell me that's East Coast time I don't know that's the time here we're trying to therefore we literally making it were the last person to put the suitcases in literally on the minute and we start walking I don't even know why I mean if you look at the side my daughter you know led me we're running through the terminal we're coming to the terminal and empty I'm like wow oh gosh I'm empty slide and we're never to put my suitcases you know now you come too late to the flight there's no place to put the carry-on and I'm like that that doesn't look so good the terminal is empty I look at the ticket we're in their own terminal we had to run like an or exaggerate me three miles and we're running in Modell's like why you're running I'm like at some point I was like you know I'm not running you know I'm not running because I'm going to I'm not going to miss the flight that's my mazhab to come last to the flight I'm not running I was walking you know sure enough they're all standing next to the door mr. another yes and it's I have the worst Mazal with flight okay so on the way every time by the way I go to London I've missed my flight that's just like a record okay I have this action and I'm on the highway now look how amazing a shame is on the way to the airport I didn't have coffee the whole day so my yetzer hatov is telling me why don't you stop in this place and get yourself coffee so my voice in my my selling me are you nuts you have to be five hours before the time in the airport because if not going to miss the flight I want coffee I make a whole detour I gone back myself caffeine on the way into the to the supermarket as I'm going in was like a big sushi stand and I'm like well you know let me take some sushi and as I'm going to take this coffee I see some sandwiches I don't even know why I started filling up a bag full of food and water and snacks and I'm stuck on the highway my hands are all dirty because I tried to change the tire now I had like all the water that I bought so I'm stuck on the highway waiting for the rescue to come and I'm like say five sandwiches Sally I poured like look at how a shim works he puts you in a problem but he makes sure at least that you have food you have everything so I'm sitting on the highway and I'm like a chef only one for me so I want to go home now well why do I have to be stuck now on a highway in this whole problem now now any normal person will sit on the highway and start cursing I just didn't know a whole week of I gave my entire day my entire five days to give lectures and to inspire people that's the reward I'm getting to be stuck on I wear now miss my flight but it'd be stuck in London and for Shabbat I don't have laundry I want to be like family and I'm sitting on the highway like if somebody would see me and be like this Jew is an act I put music on and I'm like dancing on the highway but what for sure we don't have food and foreign exchange I'd know what's true she odd I couldn't cater there in the middle of the highway he took the garlic to enough hours to come to take me out of the high when I'm like eating sushi and I'm calling my office and I'm missing the fry but no I have a lot of food here surely when you're pulled from that don't ask and it was a big headache because still I went that I got and I took bring the car back and they charged me you know what the most ammonium annoying thing zero first time ever that I did insurance to the car rental and they tell me the insurance he took covered everything but tires if I put in the cargo over the bridge into the water everything is covered but the towers long story short I'm standing there in the middle of the night where the car rental is and it was a big headache I had to go to a completely different airport mr. fried I was up all night and you know what's the most look how much Shem works I'm just telling all that did you see the beauty how a Shem is so kind while while I was packing the day that I left I don't like missing days so I always take a morning or night flights so tracking Malaysia bus was like 3:00 in the morning I'm packing so I made myself a cup of tea and as I'm making myself a cup of tea I don't even know why I grabbed a few tea bags and I was like now let me put it in the suitcase you don't ever know the day the phone I was making coffee in one of the days I have a coffee you know those things of the sugar I don't even know why a flash of a thought comes to my mind and I'm telling myself okay now let me take a few sugars in case I need to add some sugar after the joking with the highway I find myself back in the airport in the other for three o'clock in the morning I was a very small airport it was nobody there just me and the janitor and things like 3 o'clock in the morning and the only thing that was open was a hot water machine and what do you know I've d-bags I have sugar I'm sitting there I'm in London I had a cup of tea you know I really like C I like coffee I'm sitting in London I'm calling a friend he's in LA he's like right I told another has got a car accident I'm stuck in London is what are you doing I told them I haven't got the tea like what do you have a sea froth I told him don't ask I'd wear a carnation I don't even know why I took tea bags with me and I had sugar all I needed is the hot water so 3 o'clock in the morning I'm sitting in the airport and you know an average person would be kicking cursing being upset I'm having my key my tea the point is that when you allow the test to affect you then then you're going to see only the negative in it but when you see the beauty it had to be that I had to be stuck there for whatever reason I know I must be that in that place where I was stuck in the highway a jew had to sit there for three hours in retailing and say some were hot and eat and be the sim card must be that a spark from Shiva radically seven thousand five thousand seven hundred seven years ago a spark fell there night to sit there and say summer hot because I ate and to have trust and be to hone in the Kailash before I don't know why I had I had to do something under a sham puts me sometimes in situations you know why puts me there I says but I'm telling you it's all good just have the right attitude and I could easily be very bitter very angry I lost my flights I was all dirty and imagine like this trying to change a tire I had all the reasons to be upset but you can look at the empty side of the cup and you can look at that full part of the cup and I had tea and sushi and cakes you know even on the way back you know what's the most amazing thing that I finally got a flight and the flight landed at 4:40 in the afternoon in Israel when Shabbat comes in at 7:30 so and I live inside that's a two-hour drive to the north ok I'll make sure that by my parents at least I'll be in Israel I landed 444 the plane landed 20 flights landed at the same time there wasn't carts in the airport that's how busy it was I don't even know how in the passport control I went I was out like 502 the taxi driver was like I thought you going to come out at 6:30 I told him we have enough time and we drove and I got home to 20 minutes before Shabbat and you know what I had on the way I had sushi I had all the snacks that I bought I never had so much next in my life now I start packing it up my wife told me that a lot of food in case you get stuck it just goes to show you that Hashem puts you in situations and he wants you just to see the good in everything and not to get stuck on the negative when you get stuck on the negative you know what happened you start empowering all this negativity and you know who suffers from that only you you suffer from that you suffer from your own actions than your own your own negativity the point is to know how to know how to let go and the second that you let go everything changes as long as you're holding the the negative thing then it will stay there I could have sat on the highway and cursed and be bitter and I was sitting you should have seen if somebody would look at me they would think there's like a party going on dancing Sushi's everywhere I'm like and you know this was that was the whole point is to know how to completely transform the negativity into positivity and so say you know that's what I want this is know how to surrender how to be humble with I know shrimpson Hashem you want me on the highway that is going to make any difference if I'm sad upset or angry it's not gonna make any difference I can be bitter or I can thank for the fact that I have a little sushi I don't even like sushi by the way the point that you want to take out tonight is that life is hard as it is we have challenges we have hardships we have problems problems with our spouses with our kids with everybody around me it's very easy to point at the negative and to empower it but it's the hardest is just to know how to let go at the right time and if you know how to recognize when it's time to let go I'm not saying that you have to let go all the time sometimes you have to hold on but you have to be smart you don't have to be right in most of the situation's not about being right it's about being smart and the point is that you need to know when and how to just sometimes just to let go and so you know whatever just let it slide by and you know what when you know how to let go then you're releasing this negativity from you and the only one that benefits from it is only oh no headaches no worries no hardship no anger you know my wife tells me you can go into the world Guinness Book of speed of falling asleep you just put your head down and like a split second you're ready sleep issues like I've never seen anything like it I thought there were you know why why would I waste time I don't have very any time to sleep so I'm going to waste time I'm not falling asleep I told you no I fall asleep fast because there's no worries there's no anger that is cooking in my mind people get you angry it's cooking in your mind you can fall asleep you're annoying you can concentrate on what you're doing but somebody said something though that I don't keep I don't hold anything somebody said something bad so me fine I'll get to slap into my face and I'll say fine whatever it's very easy to think that I that I deserve everything but I know how to let go so I don't hold a grudge and I don't get angry and I'm going to tip and I don't know don't don't get offended so when it comes to coming to sleep I just closed my eyes and that's it I go to sleep just think how many ow is no minutes you lose of your sleep because of this so necessarily worry sometimes you're aggravated you are annoying forget about how its affect it's affecting you it's affecting your digesting system you know if you eat when you're such so aggravated the food doesn't get digested he'll get stomach problems you'll get all sorts of problems you're going to get you're going to suffer health problems from that at the end of the day my grandfather both Oh sham lived till he was like 89 and everybody's like wow he had a long life so somebody says of course he had a long life he didn't have any worries he didn't care about anything he was just he knew when to shut everything down and you know that's the more one of the most healthy things to do to know when to just and then zero just has to let go and Hebrew is called little just go with the flow so don't don't let your life become an obstacle so bizarre the shame what's left is only to tell you all to know when to let go to have the wisdom enough the humility the humbleness to know okay you know it's not always about me sometimes it's about how I have to let go how I have to forgive to forget to be a little bit merciful not to hold grudge not to have hate not to have a I don't know how you call in English and Hebrew school intro is to wait for me to get back to that person some revenge revenge is in comes is that he did something back to me I'm going to do I'm going to revenge now lint oh is that somebody did something bad to me and I'm waiting for the opportunity for that person to come and ask me the exact same thing and to do the exact same thing in and to say I remember when you didn't do this to me now I'm doing it to you let's call it all or Linko many comments to go to revenge instead of it's not even two whole garage it's just to wait to the opportunity to pay back oh you didn't help me I'm not going to help you you didn't lend me your car I'm going to lend you my car the point is that you you your own imagination where you holding something that doesn't belong to you when you hold something that doesn't belong to you that's where problems start and when somebody makes me angry and she's back humiliates me whatever it is I'm holding something that doesn't belong to me and the one who will suffer that is only me and the result will be devastation so so up to you the solution tonight is is we're in a very special period the Spirit or the spirit periods of three weeks of venom it's REM that everybody is afraid or it's a very bad period so I miss playing bad things happen bad things will happen customers you know it's actually the complete opposite it's a very powerful time our sages expendable can be achieved in these three weeks cannot be achieved throughout the entire year we just sees it something very negative the reality is that you design with the moves that we just commemorated that's one of the most best days that ever happened to us because that's when Michele Romanow came down to the world with the tablets and the transmission um there wouldn't be the golden calf then that would be the days emotional men will get the soul mushiya and we will go into LT slide happened to me this was the sin of the golden calf and the tablets broke but the reality is that these three weeks are very very powerful we cannot forget the bad things that happened but we have to focus on the fact how powerful these days are because without the tablets that's the source of our life we have to take the opportunity in these three weeks to understand and to meditate into to to think what are we really missing we're missing a Shem in my life we're saying we're eating the Redemption we're missing that oh my gosh we're missing mushiya and it's a very auspicious time to make strong decisions in your data shem these three weeks you can look at it as a very negative time and bad things happen in our history but bad things happen because the way it works in the universe is wherever there's a lot of kedusha a lot of holiness there'll be the exact amount of impurity the seat raha will come where is the most kedusha that's why it's going to come we see in these three weeks all the negativities just because the power of the holiness is just as powerful meaning that if I reach to my essence and be able to reach to such a point to transform into to achieve something that is much much much greater than what I can go to throughout the year so that's why we chose specifically this topic because it's not about how much how much makes what you do I'm not going to come and preach to you you have to the moments what you have to be more observant it's not the point the point is to go one step a little bit higher and to know how to to empty the trash out you don't keep your trash at home because it will stink your home it will take place that wants to trash it only throw it out this is the exact same idea to let all the trash out we're going to keep it when you keep all the junk in you and you carry it with you as other shamash I'm sure bless you all to be successful and happy happy [Music] Oh [Applause] you