Judaism - Live A Mindful & Meaningful Life - Rabbi Efrem Goldberg

I'm often asked, and if we're honest with ourselves, it's a question that's bothered many of us, why does Judaism place such an emphasis on all the minutia, all the details, so many laws with so many small measurements and obligations and time responsibilities and laws? They seem so restrictive and constrictive. They hold back our lives. If Judaism wants us to have the most joyful and happy life, then why not allow us to live and let live, do what we want, and do what gives us pleasure? In our time together, I want to share with you what I think is the most compelling and persuasive answer to that question. That Judaism, in fact, is a platform for happiness. But happiness is not defined by the pleasure of the moment. Happiness is ultimately defined by the fulfillment of meaning. And meaning comes from a mindful life, being present in all we think and say and do. And all of Jewish life, and all of Jewish law, and all of Jewish living is there to reinforce and to elevate and enrich our lives with mindfulness and with meaning. Let me tell you the story of Christopher Reeve. We know Christopher Reeve as Superman. And when many of us picture him, we think of a strong, handsome man, brave, how stood out with the being able to save the world. And yet, Christopher Reeve died disabled, severely limited and impaired. And he once described the accident that left him a quadriplegic. What went wrong that changed literally the course of his life. See, he was riding a horse in an equestrian race. He took that on as a hobby. And the horse fell on top of him, effectively changing his life forever, leaving him paralyzed. He said before that race, he knew that there was one hurdle that was particularly difficult. But the accident that changed his life forever, that left him a quadriplegic, was not on the difficult hurdle. It happened on the hurdle just before the difficult one. And Christopher Reeve explained, it was because in the one before the difficult one he took his mind off what he was doing. He failed to focus. He wasn't living in the moment. He wasn't mindful with what he was doing, and that cost him his mobility. It cost him segment, a component of his life. Superman was brought down. He lost the use of his body because he was so focused on the future, he failed to live in the present. And the same kryptonite that brought down Superman threatens to compromise and deplete our lives of meaning and joy. The joy that we deserve, that we're capable of. The Gemara of the Talmud in Hagigah on page 11b teaches, "Yachol yishal adam mah le mah le mah le mah matah mah le mah le mah le mah achor?" A person might wonder, a person might ask, "What is above and what is before and what is behind?" The four things, what is above, below, before, and after. And such a person, concludes the Gemara, "It would have been better if they weren't born." Because you see, a person who's only concerned is what was or what will be loses what is. And God put us in this world in order to experience the moment. And if our lives are defined with nostalgia for what was or with living in anticipation of what will be, then we forfeit and concede what is, which is the only dimension that really matters because it's the only dimension that we are in. What happened already happened, and what will be, of course we should plan, and of course we should influence, but it's not yet here. The only dimension that really matters is the here and now. This term mindfulness has taken on a lot of popularity in our time and every area of life. There are books and magazines and self-help gurus, and there are countless conferences and seminars to teach how to live a mindful life. We need it maybe more than any other generation because in our time, the technology that distracts us, the technology that takes us away, the technology that interrupts us, there's so much noise and static in our lives. We're struggling to have mindful and meaningful interactions, mindful and meaningful conversation, mindful and meaningful prayer experiences, mindful and meaningful recreation, recreational experiences. And so there's an influence on on mindfulness. But my dear friends, mindfulness is not a new age term and it wasn't invented anytime recently. Mindfulness is exactly what the Torah are all about. I take you back to a possuk in our beautiful Torah that teaches us "Shmarta misdivrei habris hazeh ve'asisa osam." Observe and keep this covenant. Keep it. "L'maan taskilu es kol asher ta'asun." Observe the words of this commitment, the relationship between us and the Almighty. Perform them. Why? "L'maan taskilu" so that you will succeed in all you do. This benign, often neglected and overlooked verse uh really captures what is the essence of Judaism and Jewish life, Jewish law. "L'maan taskilu es kol asher ta'asun" so you will succeed in all you do. The Ibn Ezra, one of the great medieval commentaries, Rabbi Avraham Ibn Ezra, translate taskilu as "kimo tatslichu." Success. Who doesn't want success? We want success materially, financially, success in our health, success in our mental health, success in our relationships, success for our family. Everybody craves success. We're driven for success. The question is, how do you define success? The Torah here promises, embrace an observant lifestyle. Keep God's sacred, timeless Torah. "L'maan taskilu, l'maan tatslichu" so that you will have success. But what does success look like and how is success defined? The Targum Yonasan, a very ancient commentary, translates that word taskilu differently and says, I'll read it to you in the Aramaic and translate, "ditizbonan ya'as kol ma d'mis avram." Guard the words of the Torah so that you will be contemplative in all that you do. What is the essence and purpose of Torah? The Torah itself tells us, you know why it's there? So that we can be mindful and contemplative. So that we'll be present and thoughtful. So we'll be conscientious and conscious in all that we do. Taskilu for the Targum doesn't mean success in the way that we measure it in society at large, but it means hisbonenus, to be contemplative. The purpose of Torah, the essence of a life of Jewish law and Jewish living is to promote and support, to be a misbonen, to lead a mindful conscious life, to be aware and present in all that we do. Not to be distracted and not to be fragmented and not to be interrupted by all that noise, but to learn to live life. You see, most people, indeed most of us, if we're willing to admit it, we're on autopilot. We're creatures of our habit and our custom and our tradition and our routine and our pattern. Are we late? Are we on time? Are we early? Are we chatty? Are we quiet? What are our eating habits? What are our exercise habits? Do we get angry? Are we calm? And are we patient? In all these areas of our life, most of us, once we forged and formed that habit, now we're on autopilot. It's as if our bodies have been pre-programmed to know exactly what to do, whether our minds are on or operating or not. Maybe you can relate to pulling into your driveway, but you don't even remember the experience of driving home. You don't remember a particular time you stepped on the gas or the brake or the turn signal. Maybe you finished an entire bag of potato chips and you don't remember how you got to the bottom cuz you just remember opening the bag. Maybe you've closed your your sitter, your prayer book, at the end of a experience of davening and you know you made it to the end, but you don't even remember one moment of the journey of how you got there. We are mindlessly and frantically going through our lives and we're absent present. Our body is there, but our mind is elsewhere and therefore we're forfeiting not only our lives, our physical well-being, our spiritual well-being, our mental well-being, all measured more positively when we learn to be mindful and present in everything that we do. When we speak carelessly, or when we put food in our mouths thoughtlessly, or we allow the passage of time mindlessly, when we're not present in all we do, we're asleep even while we're still awake. Being a creature of habit or routine leaves us feeling like we can't change or we can't grow. This is just who I am. I fly off the handle. I get angry. I get envious. I get jealous. I'm arrogant. I struggle with ego. And we think we're locked in to whatever habit we formed, but it's not true. That helplessness and that hopelessness, it leaves us feeling in a very dark place, but it's not true. We are all empowered, and we are all given the tools, and we are all given the support from above to break out and break through and to become the best version of ourselves, to be the people we're meant to be, and the people we're capable of being. And the answer to it all, how to lead a more healthy life and what we eat and what we exercise, how to improve our relationships to be more thoughtful in what we say and how we say it, how to be more thoughtful in our financial spending, how to be more thoughtful in every area and arena of life, the answer or secret, the foundation and prerequisite to it all is to learn how to live a mindful life. Harvard professors Matthew Killingsworth and Daniel Gilbert published a study in the journal Science, and they found listen to this statistic, it's really mind-boggling. They found that night that 46.9, 47% of their waking hours, people are thinking about something other than what they are doing. Did you hear me? Maybe some of you aren't listening right now. It's on and it's streaming, but your thoughts are elsewhere. They found that almost 50% of the time that we're awake, we're thinking about something else other than what we're doing. So, we're brushing our teeth, but our mind is elsewhere. We're showering, our mind is elsewhere. We're driving, but our our is elsewhere. We're praying, and our mind is elsewhere. We're pushing our child on a swing or we're chopping up the food that we're making for dinner or we're even out with our spouse and they're supposedly in conversation, but our mind is elsewhere. 50% of the time that we are awake, we're thinking about something other than what we are doing. That is a shocking, shocking statistic. So, my friends, this is the answer. Why the emphasis on the minutia and the details? Who cares about the rules and the regulations? Why is Judaism trying to so regulate and legislate our lives? The answer is it's not trying to hold you back. It's not trying to prevent you. It's not trying to rob you of happiness. It's doing the exact opposite. All of this attention to detail in each area and arena of our life is encouraging and reinforcing. It is promoting and providing a platform for how to lead a meaningful and a mindful life. The entire framework of Jewish life and living is designed to bring us into the present, to teach and cultivate within us how to be mindful, to live at a higher state of consciousness. And let me give you a few examples. If you're learning the Daf Yomi, we just encountered recently the Talmud in tractate Shabbat teaches in fact the very order that you're meant to get dressed in the morning. You talk about regulating your life. You talk about attention to detail or minutia. The Talmud tells us you put your right shoe on and then your left shoe, but you tie your left shoe before your right shoe. The Talmud there even tells us, this part is not practiced regularly, but what order that you should wash your body when you bathe or shower, which emphasis what you give precedence to, the symbolism and the meaning of the right over the left. So, you'll say, "Who cares? The goal of getting dressed is to be dressed. Isn't it measured by the result? Who cares what order I put my shoes on and what order I tie my shoes? I wash my hands, the words that I say. Who cares what I put in my mouth and what comes out of my mouth? Who care What matters is to be a good person, a kind person, a moral person, an honest person. And those things are all true in Judaism and the Torah and the Almighty also care deeply about being a good person and a kind person. But how do you define who's good and what's good? How do you know what's sensitive and what's cruel? Because you know, if you're kind to the cruel, you'll be cruel to the kind. How do you know what's moral, what's ethical? It changes in every culture and every generation. Is it determined by democracy, by vote? Do you know that Hitler and the Nazi party were elected in a democratic election? But of course, we know that what they did was not only unethical, it was the greatest moral atrocity in the history of mankind. And so who defines what's moral or ethical when we say, "Isn't what matters to be a good person?" It's our sacred Torah. It's its teachings that illuminate the way, that guide us in the decision-making, that help sharpen the judgment we're meant to have. And how does it do that? By helping us make a plan to regulate our very lives, from literally the moment we wake up in the morning until literally we close our eyes at night. The Torah has something to say about how we wake up. Lie in bed for a couple seconds, sit up and say modeh ani. We begin our day with an expression of gratitude, an attitude of gratitude. Tony Robbins talks about if you begin your day with gratitude, you're on your way to a successful day. But long before Tony Robbins, the Torah told us that a Jew wakes up with the words modeh ani. We don't say ani modeh, I am grateful, even though grammatically it seems more correct, because the first word on your lips when you wake up can't be I, I am grateful. Life and this world and our day can't be about I, me, my ego. It's not ani modeh, we begin our day with modeh ani, grateful am I. Our day is inspired. It is informed. It is charged with the theme and the energy of modeh. I'm grateful. Gratitude. An attitude of gratitude. It sets me on the path for a great day. What if I don't feel grateful? What if I don't want to say those words? It's too bad. Jewish law tells us when we wake up, we teach our children when they're very young. The first words you wake up in the morning, modeh ani, I woke up. We're living in a terrible pandemic, in a time where not everyone is so fortunate and blessed to wake up. There are people who pass away in their sleep. There are people who wake up to a new threatening reality. They can't breathe on their own. You woke up. There's air in your lungs. You can breathe. Modeh ani lifanecha melech chai vekayam. Grateful am I before you, the master, the king of the universe, just for waking up. The fact that I'm alive. The fact that you've renewed my contract. In fact, those words modeh ani end with rabba emunasecha, your faith is great, which is peculiar. Because usually when we talk about faith, it's our faith in him. Why are we talking about God, your In whom does God have faith? The answer is if you woke up today, God has faith in you. That you have yet what to contribute to this world. You have a difference you're meant to make. You have a meaningful, mindful life that yet you can live. And how can you believe in that for yourself? Because you have the ultimate confirmation, the ultimate endorsement. Rabba emunasecha, God, your faith in me is great. And how do I know that? God didn't write an endorsement for me. He didn't renew a contract that was checked by a lawyer. The answer is if you woke up this morning, if you're breathing, if you live to see another day, rabba emunasecha, his faith in you, his faith in us is great. So, from the very first words on our lips to the last words on our lips when we're falling asleep at night, how do we go to sleep? We go to sleep by uttering a beautiful prayer in which we forgive those who may have hurt us and ask forgiveness of them. We say a beautiful blessing, hamapil, and we say shema. We go to sleep with a commitment of God. We go to sleep reflecting on our day and a commitment to see God mindfully throughout our day. Oh, that parking spot opened up, that thing I didn't think would work out. Oh, that thing that seemed like a coincidence, it was really you. Oh, I'm alive and I have the same head count in my home at the end of the day I had at the beginning. Then Shema Yisrael, I see you Hashem. I see you God in my life and I want to live a God-driven life, a purpose-driven life. I want to see you and connect with you. I want to have an intimate rendezvous and a loving relationship with you. So, the first words on our lips in the morning to the last words at night and everything we do in between, it's all regulated, it's all taught, it's all governed by our system of Jewish law, not to rob us of happiness and not to overly be restrictive and not to focus on minutia and not to try to turn us into some OCD people. It's all there to reinforce a sense of mindfulness and presence in all that we do. So, for example, how I tie my shoes and how I get dressed is going to tell me, "Don't mindlessly tie your shoes." Tying your shoes is enormous. In fact, we have a blessing that we make on the ability to take steps. You give me shoes, you enable me to walk, which is a symbol for independence. Without shoes, I couldn't operate, I couldn't travel, I couldn't get around. God, you give me a sense of independence, the ability to achieve, the ability to aspire, to have ambition, the ability to impact and influence this world and that is represented symbolically by the fact that I have shoes. In fact, you don't wear shoes when you're in a holy place. When God recruits Moshe to be the quintessential leader of the people, he says, "Take off your shoes, you're in a holy place." When the Kohanim, when the priests would serve on the Temple Mount in the Temple, they couldn't wear leather shoes. Those who believe it's okay to go on the Temple Mount today can't do so while wearing leather shoes. When you're in the presence of God, you take off your shoes as if to say, "I have nowhere else to be and there is no place I can go and I have no sense of independence. I am nothing without you. But God, in between being in those places, you let us put on shoes. You give us the impression, you give us the illusion, so to say, that I'm independent, that I'm capable, that I'm competent, all symbolized in shoes. So don't put your shoes on mindlessly. You could go a lifetime, 40, 50, 80, 90 years and not have one memory of putting on your shoes. And Judaism says, "No, you've got to be thoughtful." From the moment you wake up, mindfulness. Right shoe, left shoe, tie the left shoe, then tie the right shoe. There's beauty and symbolism and deeper meaning in each of those, but just the fact that you're going to have a sense of mindfulness, that you are promoting and reinforcing mindfulness in the very first act of the day. You have to have something on your head. You begin with an attitude of gratitude. We say a series of blessings. From the very moment that we wake up till the moment we go to sleep, we are focused on these minutia and details. Why? Because they all reinforce a sense of mindfulness. Kashrut. Making sure that we only eat kosher food. What are the criteria for kosher food? What are the symbols of kosher food? What are the rules about meat and dairy and separate utensils? And how does that impact my microwave and my oven? And how does that impact my stovetop? And where do I store my food? And how do I wash my dishes? All of this is cultivating and reinforcing within me a sense of mindfulness. You know, one of the biggest enemies or areas of battle in life is with eating. My whole life I struggled with eating. I love food. I'm a foodie. I love the taste of food. I love the crunch of food. I love tasting different foods. I love big quantities of food. I love food. So, food becomes an enemy. Food becomes a challenge because not all food loves us back, especially you have a Ashkenazi gastrointestinal system. So, how do you maintain an awareness and a mindfulness of eating? How do we continue to enjoy and savor food? There's nothing wrong with that, but do so with a mindfulness that food is the nourishment for the soul. That we eat in order to live, we don't live in order to eat. What will give me that sense of consciousness and mindfulness while I eat? Well, if I have to think about everything I put in my mouth, does this meet the criteria of being kosher? I can't eat that. I can't eat this. Okay, I'm giving thought. I'm cultivating mindfulness in the area of eating, in the area of eating. Not only do I have to think about is the food kosher and eligible to eat? Did I make a blessing? Did I make a blessing on the food? Our rabbis teach that if you eat food without making a blessing, it's like walking out of the supermarket without paying. This is God's food. He created it and he created this amazing ambiance that we get to eat it in. And the way that we pay, the way we compensate, what makes it ours is with a bracha, with a blessing. It takes a millisecond. But if you're mindful when you make the blessing, then all of a sudden you transform this mundane act of eating into a spiritual act of holiness. God, this cup of coffee. Ooh. Unbelievable. First the coffee beans were grown somewhere. They're delicious beans. Someone had to plant them and harvest them and package them. There was a driver who had to who had to truck them. And there were distributors. And then they were stored. And someone ground them and turned them into a pod. And someone invented a Keurig machine. And I'm able to put it with the push of a bless of a button, I have and coffee snobs out there forgive the fact that it's a Keurig. But I have now a freshly brewed delicious cup of coffee. So I could take that for granted and fail to thank the farmer and the manufacturer and the distributor and where I got it from and the inventor of the Keurig. And most of all, the one who provides all of it, the material and the wisdom to be able to to uh give it to me. Or I could stop and say, "Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam sh'hakol nihye bidvaro." Everything came to be with your word, God. Everything. What do you mean everything? It's just a cup of coffee. No, it's the ambiance of the world in which I'm enjoying and savoring that cup of coffee. Is there anything better than when you you up in the morning? The smell, the taste, the temperature of a delicious cup of coffee that revives you. So, how could you take that for granted? You have to say thank you. We say thank you to the company that provided it by paying them. They measure the thank you by their bottom line. But, we say thank you to God, and in fact, we only take ownership of it when we make a bracha. So, think about how Judaism is providing a platform and reinforcing the value of mindfulness and meaning in the area of eating. Eating is a base animal act. The Talmud tells us that we do three things in common with animals. We eat, we eliminate the food that we ate, and we reproduce. But, what distinguishes us, what differentiates us from animals, is that those three things we do, we do with mindfulness. We do with a sense of meaning. We do with a sense of purpose. Animals just do it intuitively and instinctively. We do it because we're fully present and disciplined in all that we're doing. So, all of Torah and all of Judaism, all of Jewish law are a platform to reinforce that because in the end of the day, our relationships, our accomplishments, our health, our spiritual and our mental health, our emotional health, they will all be enriched, they'll all be enhanced, they'll all be so much better if we can learn to be mindful and conscious in all that we do. So, tying your shoes in what order, it seems insignificant, but it helps to cultivate that kind of life. Making a blessing, asher yatzar, when you come out of the bathroom. A blessing on the bathroom? You talk about an animal act? Eliminating the food that we ate is the most base animal thing that we do. Everyone does. It's the great equalizer. And yet, we Jewish people do it differently. We come out of the bathroom and we don't take for granted that everything worked, that everything was supposed to happen, everything happened the way it was supposed to. You know, the human body is the greatest chemical manufacturing plant. It knows how to eliminate the waste, it knows how to absorb the proper and the valuable. It's a brilliant, brilliant system. An intricate, detailed, brilliant system. You're going to take it for granted? You know who doesn't take it for granted? Somebody on a catheter, or somebody who's had to have uh uh colon surgery on a colostomy, they don't take it for granted. If you're able to eliminate your food properly and live healthy, then you walk out and you pause. How long does it take to say Asher Yatzar, this short tiny beautiful blessing that makes us mindful even of the blessing of being able to go to the bathroom well. So, our entire day is informed and inspired by reminders, little triggers that say, "Be mindful. Be mindful of what you put in your mouth. Be mindful of what you pray Be mindful to be grateful. Be mindful how you dress. Be mindful about time." You have to pray before this time and pray by the end of that time. And you know what that does? It creates a mindfulness. Time is not endless. Time is not limitless. Time is finite. And we are all bound by it and we operate within it. And so, we'll live more meaningful lives if we're punctual and if we're conscientious and if we're mindful about the time that we have and we imbue and embed it with a sense of meaning. Time doesn't allow us now, but it's true for every area of Jewish life. You give me a Jewish law and I will show you how it is there in order to remind us and reinforce within us and bring out the best of us to live a meaningful and a mindful life. And so, my message to you is slow down. Slow down and savor life. Be present. Be present in a sunset. Be present with your children. Be present in a cup of coffee. Be present and savor a walk. Be present and savor a song. Be present and savor the greatest experiences of life that are meant to be taken slowly and meaningfully and beautifully. And if you do, I guarantee l'man taskilu, l'man tatslichu. We will lead more successful lives by any measure and in every area of our lives. You're not the passenger. You're the pilot. Choose to be present in everything that you do and you'll see your life get even better.