Joke Telling Masterclass (Ep. 237)

hi this is D olowski and welcome to the rabbi olowski show and whether you're watching with our friends over at Tony time whever you watch or listen to your podcast as always it's nice to have you along and I should mention that Toran time is right now in the middle of a fundraising campaign and they asked all of the different uh rabbis who benefit from being on Tor any time to please ask people to reach out and help them you can go to their website at T any time and uh join their program I have a page there if you want to uh put it onto my page uh I don't get any money for it or credit but uh at least they know that I'm I'm trying to help the cause uh we if you go back and watch my interview with Rabbi K Yakov you'll see there's like 10 million hours of Torah that's learned through this website I have met very often rabbis who ask me how do I get on tour any time and they say listen we have list of hundreds of ronm who want to get on and we just don't have the money to process their 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um yours truly goes over with her beforehand so it's uh you're getting some of my stuff in there mixed together and it's just perfect it is the perfect Rish inspiration for women and I urge everybody to sign up for it and we'll have that link for you don't forget to like share and subscribe I've noticed people have actually started doing that so uh so very nice thank you and I noticed that even on my um more controversial uh uh episodes or even when you know I uh I push myself to to the edge of what my cardiologist will allow because I get a little excited sometimes I I don't get any dislikes you know thank you I appreciate that I I I appreciate the fact that if you watch this show because you know you don't have to there's plenty out there there's there's thousands of people on Tor time there's so many resources out there the fact that you take our time to listen to my podcast and um I don't I don't really know what I'm saying here but I will say it anyway people tell me that we have a high percentage of Engagement uh that doesn't mean the people are getting married but people who watch it watch it for longer than just like for the opening uh um idea or something and they they actually stick it out throughout so uh thank you thank you to all the people who take out time and uh you know I I've said many times that uh you know I had a time when I was teaching in seminaries in yeshivas I had a time when I was flying around the world speaking and all kinds of different places and now basically this is all I got and uh the fact that people are taking out time to listen to anything that I have to say is really uh um means a tremendous amount and I I haven't been answering my emails uh for a while just because things have been crazy around here with various medical procedures and stuff um and uh the um uh but there have been a number of emails I've gotten lately which are you know real strong pets on the back I really want to thank everybody who who sends your kind words I even if I don't respond immediately you should know that it means a lot okay so um and the number of episodes that we've had leading up to after P I have referenced a number of times the BR in the sixth peric of peros which lists the me in fact uh um one of the good friends of the show and uh um one of the directors of the RAB alasi Sho if you're ever in harno for shabas and you want to come by we have uh we have a sh here out of Myer and I I think it's a wonderful doing anyway he's one of the people responsible and um and he uh in between I was doing some of these and he said you you really put it out as a book so I said well I think there are books out there already that do it and he says he looked around and there's nothing doing it quite the way that I do it so maybe we will it's uh uh another thing for me to get to at least it'll give me an excuse why I'm not answering all those emails that people were sending me but um but I I wanted to focus on one aspect of the Bryer which is listing these 48 things qualities that you need in order to um in order to be able to be Ma and we've mentioned before that 49 days but that's because at the end you're supposed toaza over them all to make them all like one whole thing because the whole is greater than the sum of the parts and so although you're working on each individual action you can't compare that to when you get everything together all right I have uh eight daughters and I'm one of six boys I didn't have any girls in my house growing up and then I had eight girls and I found that there are certain differences for example none of us six boys ever took ballet lessons but many of my daughters did and they would come in and I'm paying money for this so I want to see barishnikov pirouette you know 50 times you know and they come home I said what'd you learn today and they said well we learned third position I learned how to put my two feet together at an angle I said I'm not impressed my wife says patience eventually they learned how to lift their arm over their head I said I'm not impressed my wife says patience eventually they learned learned how to bend their knees I said this is not dance and my wife said no but they're the steps that you need in order to create dance when you know the notes to sing you can sing most anything right so that's the idea practicing scales is not music but it's necessary if you want to be able to create music so each one of these aspects is developing a different aspect of you as a person but at the end you need to take all of them and put them together into one whole right okay so I wanted to focus on one aspect uh of the Bry one aspect to explain the concept and then focusing on one of them that's what I'm doing now in the Bry there's a little section that says the following sh limiting sleep limiting conversation limiting business dealings limiting laughter M limiting physical Pleasures M DS limiting marital relations so all of these things are limits you don't find this concept of limits by all the other things yeah doesn't say by no right yeah doesn't say it by and doesn't say it by right all those things the more the Maria yeah certainly by but um uh but by these things it says M why because I'm not going to tell you these things are bad I'm not going to tell you these are bad we are not Aesthetics to say have no Ty have no pleasure in this world or contr yeah I believe it was rabuda if I recall correctly in the USI who used to save up money to buy every new fruit that came out so he could make a br on it and he said created all of these Delicious Fruit and uh you know I want to be able to um I want to be able to tell him that I enjoyed all the things that he prepared for me if you're a good guest when you go away to someone's house for a meal so you try to taste everything yeah even if you're not going to eat large portion at least taste it people went to the effort to make this you know so uh you know taste it and appreciate it and people put effort into it um so uh so to say have no T it's not true but to engage in too much Ty that is the sad story of one of the tanim who got addicted to certain pleasures and he forgot all his Tyra too much time to is a bad thing you know if you if you let it take you over then that becomes your life your life becomes the pursuit of physical pleasures and so we live a a U Less physical life than um than if we wanted to just enjoy the pleasures of life in order to be able to learn Torah doesn't mean any pleasure and and even that uh if you you use the pleasures as a motivation yeah uh I heard a reisman once say that he was learning late at night and he was tired and he saw that was a leftover lollipop from shabas he says so I took the lollipop I made a braa I ate the lollipop as I was learning it helped it helped someone told me on the subject of rby Risman and this I I'm hearing secondhand but um on sh night towards towards the end of the night when when people are really pretty tired he gives a Shear in surprise surprise uh na'vi only it's not really Navi it's yeah specifically sa for Rus and every year he does a different peric and he goes through and deals with different aspects of it and just before he does he gives out to everybody those cups of the I think they called marrino um Italian Isis with those little wooden sticks say he's giving the Sho you just hear scraping scraping and scraping and someone told me the logic is it's hard to fall asleep while you're sitting there scraping your Italian ices to eat [Laughter] them you there's no question that waking up in the morning and having a nice cup of coffee can give you um you know a little extra strength a little that little pleasure to go and do your vus Hashem yeah no and there were people who would always have it there was a rebba who once said to to M Shapiro I don't know which re it was but this is the story I heard from somebody uh he said you know you should always have milk and coffee in the morning milk in your coffee in the morning he says because it's like going to the Mikvah because in Yiddish Kofi isav and is 40 That's the me so me is Mikvah information was very fast obviously and he goes you don't have to put in milk you can put in a glass go 40 but uh but they would definitely you know people have a cup of coffee in the morning and wakes you up that's not the goal I I drink folders I know I know i' I've had this conversation in this forum beforehand with people I say this conversation because I'm talking but I get the answers later and people like Fiers you know why would you eat folders you know uh drink Folgers you know taste his choice I said tastee's choice is brown water do not confuse that with you know with coffee so he would say to me well you know uh um Starbucks Starbucks is burnt coffee it just tastes burnt if I'm in America and I have the opportunity I go to 7-Eleven and get the 7-Eleven house brew and uh that's probably the best coffee I've ever had but here in erel I'm not going to go through all the trouble of brewing coffee because the only one in my house who will drink brewed coffee is me I'm not making a pot of coffee just for myself so I take instant coffee but I I can't I can't drink tastee's Choice it's not coffee so that's my opinion it's all just an opinion here there's no don't don't use tast as Choice people out there more power to you you know be happy you know if you have Elite coffee it's very good because most of it clumps on the top and so you're getting much less uh caffeine so it's very good for you very mild cup of coffee but uh but for me um I like Fiers I like Fiers I have people bring me fers from America you know I I have a I have a good stash set up you know and uh I used to have it but they used to a commercial the best part about waking up is folders in your cup someone told me r a friend us give a big jush sh so one year he just you know reads it through the best part about waking up is Foles in your cup the best part about waking up was the best part it's not my family the best part is full okay so obviously the cup of coffee should not be the best part of your life but if it can enhance your hasem and enhance what you're doing so that's what the tan are for as says the pleasures of this world are here to give us and yeah make you feel good and make your life more conven venient that's the purpose of all the physical Pleasures in this world and that's that's what they're for you know um uh when I came to Israel the first car I bought was a PUO now okay this was 30 five years ago I don't know it could be I just got a bad car it could be whatever it was but it it was terrible I now I don't speak French but apparently PUO means piece of junk in French I don't know and like all Frenchmen it was anti-semitic you know so I would hit the gas and would just laugh at me you think I'm taking you up that je it it would often just stall out and I remember I would go to sh when it was uh in uh in shuafat and uh it was big hill going down and it would always stall I wouldn't even bother starting it it went faster when it was stalled in neutral than when I was actually driving it you know it was it was tough so after it finally died on me um I uh I asked around then I said I want to get the the most reliable car that's what's important to me that I go outside I start the car and it goes and that's that's all I'm looking for you know so um so everyone told me the same thing get a Honda so I got a Honda I sold it after 20 years and uh but in the middle there after 10 years I bought another Honda a smaller Honda and uh that's 10 years old that's what I want I I don't need luxury I just need it to uh to start when I turn the key and take me where I need to go right so that's yes and uh and the cup of coffee that's that's the Han that you need to make yourself feel good to be able to do it and none of that is what I want to talk about today I want to talk about a different one and that's called laughter now do not confuse laughter with happiness right is um it's very interesting you would think uh the opposite you know theik when it talks about different Midas uh he has GAA and he has Anova obviously he has KAS and he has R the opposite of sim is not which is sadness the opposite is Da yeah worry Sim means I'm happy everything is copasetic I've got no Deeds to do no promises to keep I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep let the morning sun cast all its pedals on me anyway proba the only Happy song that Simon and guno ever wrote there must have been on drugs I can't understand why El they would have written a happy song all the songs are incredibly depressing it's you can find it under the category of music to kill yourself by it but uh you know but uh but this is it Sim is everything is good it's level it's equilibrium it's you know that's Sim is laughter and uh it's an interesting thing when um when the M talks about what's going to cause you to lose the mid of zirus after you get it and he defines zirus as thinking thinking about what you're doing in life where you're coming from to make decisions what going toare your ability to think and make rational decisions is laughter now that's Su the holiday of laughter is purm and it's very interesting the says um a person who is you know gets stuck in he's he's like a drunk and a lunatic wow strong words so what does that mean you may have heard the expression laughter is the best medicine well left is not the best medicine but it is a pretty effective narcotic because it releases endorphins the Endorphin is act like a natural narcotic in your system and that's why you see sometimes when people are telling jokes and there's like one of these like late at night those kind of uh in the dorm room you know everyone sitting there telling these crazy jokes and people are laughing like falling off the bed laughing and you say wow the guy looks high he is he's on endorphins and so therefore um it's it's like being drunk that's why you understand that on purm where there's a Mitzvah you know to drink to drink until you don't know what's going on it's also the holiday of of laughter because when you laugh it's the same thing it has the effect of of uh of getting you crazy and that's why says brings it to it brings you to uh immorality and in fact in the uh modern perance the expression is fooling around we're just fooling around that's exactly what it is and why because laughter destroys your year Shay it destroys your year you're you're so busy laughing that you pushed yourself out of control and you become like a drunk person and therefore when everybody's sitting there laughing sometimes somebody will break a confidence and say yeah that was like the time that you how could you say that I I told you not to tell you yeah it's okay it's funny it's funny you know there was a uh a teacher that I knew who taught in a girl's high school and she says I can't find the hether to do things that are user because it's funny and uh where does that come from because people who get caught up into aren't thinking rationally anymore it doesn't it it it it is the of the it causes you not to think straight it twists your thinking and you're like somebody who's drunk someone whose D has become Mel what is Das Das is your sense of reality when you say an DEA you're describing what I know to be true now obviously some people say it they don't mean it especially they repeat it I know I know person who says I know I know doesn't know anything right but uh but when you really know something and you suddenly find out it's not true you suddenly find out that your parents aren't your parents you know or you find out whatever weird thing it is yeah there was a movie called The Truman Show where this kid was a baby who had been abandoned in a movie studio and no one could find his parents to the movie studio St adopted him and they made his life a TV show that you could watch at any time and they made up a whole makeb uh City and people you know give him a make believe wife make believe friends make believe parents and they were all actors and he didn't know and when he finally figures it out you can imagine it's pretty traumatic you know you suddenly realize that my whole life has been has been a lie it's all been makeb beleve you know and and he has to now go out into the real world and and figure out what reality is so um so when your D is maill either because you're drunk and you're not thinking straight and you make bad decisions obviously um or you're laugh you're so addicted to laughter and and and this has nothing to do with um in appropriate behavior I'm not talking about inappropriate I'm talking about just laughing just the Laughing itself uh you could go to uh an old Marx brother's movie and laugh until you are physically exhausted it's just that funny you know uh there are certain comedians who are clean and are just hysterically funny hysterically funny and you laugh until you know you're out of your take go out of your mind you just you just like I say physically and mentally exhausted from the experience of laughing so that's why is a bad thing but it doesn't say it says why because as we said a person who laughs as M said is like a shiker he's like he's drunk that doesn't mean we don't say never drink wine there are those people and those religions that believe in abstaining completely from alcoholic beverages you can't have anything it's the devil's brew and there are people who drink until they're drunk an american guy comes to Toronto and he sees a guy passed out in the street totally drunk he was embarrassed he realizes he's a fellow Countryman and he says why would you do this here he says well I got off the plane and I saw a sign that said drink Canada Dry and I'm doing the best I can anyway so just keep drinking and drinking eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we will die is the epicurian concept we don't believe that we believe you can take a glass of wine and use it to make kiddish and use it to make Hava and use it for Shas and in the base of and there's definitely places where a glass of wine I I have to get that far I take my wife out to a nice restaurant let me see the last time it's not important anyway actually the last time uh was for my wife's birthday and I took it out to a nice restaurant and uh and really was a excellent meal it went very nicely and uh at the end the waiter said somewh already paid your tab and I couldn't believe it now I have some fans out there but to actually pay for me and my wife an expensive restaurant to go out to eat I mean that's you know that's next level and I'm going around the different people that I knew I said did you pay for my meal and all I did was embarrass these people like no not only didn't I but I wouldn't I don't even know what you're talking it turned out it was my son cuz I told everyone we were going out to eat and I wasn't saying where and they guessed from different Clues where we were so my son knew somebody in the restaurant and he called up and says I'm paying their Tab and he didn't tell me he says he says I went out with a couple of friends who are well to do when we were in a restaurant and uh there was this couple they were on vacation he was a carpenter or something he didn't have a lot of money you know and they obviously saved up a lot for this and uh and one of my friends told the waitress say I'm paying for their meal you know he says and I saw how happy they were so I thought that would be my birthday present I'll pay for the meal for you and he at the end of the meal you suddenly find out it's paid for you know and it's true it is it is a very nice thing but anyway so we went out and I ordered a glass of wine I didn't order a bottle of wine I I wasn't going to polish off a whole bottle you know not even me and my wife together we buy a glass of wine house wine you know we share it you know and uh on special occasions but there are people who sit down to dinner have a glass of wine with supper nothing wrong with that yeah so wine is okay in small doses yeah a person wants to have an occasional okay a person who drinks until they're drunk so take a look at the dasum in peric where he's going on The View in the that that another who drank wine before they went in and that's what led to their death and it just compiles over there all of the kazal about how terrible it is to uh to become drunk then drink yourself drunk so um so therefore cupo is okay the same thing with laughter I know it seems kind of funny that me of all people have chosen this topic to talk about but but I want you to know that there's a method to my madness um one of the uh most effective things that exist in clel is the pmel I'm a big believer in pmel I uh I have this dream one day that I'm going to do H here in yam at big pervi and uh be like you know in a theater with uh music and dance and and the whole nine yards and the reason it's so effective is because it's an opportunity for um social commentary that you can't get in in another way but laughter has that ability to be able to get to you that's why I've said this more than once and in fact I'm I'm quoted in in the back uh cover of their second book The is probably the most effective social commentary that exists in cville today because you can read the various columnists and the various Jewish Publications be they rabbonim or politicians or whatever the case happens to be they all have points to make but when it's a cartoon you can get away with stuff that nobody else can um somebody who was going to one of my shurm told over to a very rabbitson um the things that I was saying and she says so Stark if I said that stuff they'd kill me says he can he can say it because he's funny if you're funny you can get away with anything because if people are offended they always say oh he was just joking you know what I mean um unless you discuss yut then forget about it they're going to come and kill you but but uh but otherwise you can get away with saying things because when people let it opens them up as shapir would always point out you have a measurement called a and then a right a laughing see it's bigger because it's open because when you laugh it opens you up and makes you more receptive and that's why the gar says he would always start with a joke before he would um start a year and um there's no question that I have that tool in my Arsenal in order to be able to get messages across and people who've listened to me speak publicly for for years they say to me goes sometimes you get up there and you're so funny and and I'm I'm I'm just laughing and then I remember the funnier he is the harder is the mus he hits you with at the end that's what sh Shad said he used to get up and he would tell jokes and he would tell stories you know and uh and he he gave him mush he says what you want a little kid to take his medicine you get him to laugh and then you can stup it in you know and uh it it distracts them when you can distract them then they have that opportunity to to be able to um uh hear things they wouldn't otherwise be able to hear because when you're sad you shrink garas says that they would think about thein they would physically shrink um sadness U makes you smaller laughter makes you expand you become bigger yeah and uh and it's uh I guess that's way we say we fat people at Jolly I don't know maybe that's why but uh the idea is that laughter opens you up to be able to hear things now part of this is part of the nature of a joke jokes work by playing with your a sense of reality yeah Woody Allen would have a joke he says you know I was poor growing up I had to wear my cousins hand me- downs and it was really embarrassing because she wasn't my size okay you get the joke the joke is when he says cousin you think he means a boy cousin then he says a girl cousin and then it it flips you know my father had about eight jokes he would tell them over and over again luckily my mother over Shalom was the greatest audience in the world because she couldn't remember jokes you could just tell her the same ones over but he had this joke he used to tell about a mother comes into her son's room it's 3:00 in the afternoon he hasn't gotten up yet she kicks the bed she says Angelo why are you still in a bed it's at 3:00 in the afternoon you don't work you don't have no job you don't get married your breaking my heart Angela looks him and says mama how could you talk like that we're not [Laughter] Italian it's a joke it's a joke now in Hebrew they have a concept of you know where it's a joke on a joke we tell a joke and uh and and and the the joke comes on to the to comes off of the joke itself and there's a a punch line to the punchline you know I tell this joke take into account the fact that it's offensive um but uh you know there is an entire genre of jokes that are known as mother-in-law jokes now of course I don't endorse these and I think they're terrible but just so you should uh you should appreciate the genre and I'm just bring this an example and you know the rabsky show does not endorse mother-in-law jokes or any of these kind of things okay and gu see uh a funeral procession there's a coffin walking behind the coffin is a dog and then a long line of mourners it seems kind of strange so he says to the first guy in line whose funeral is it says my mother-in-law says what happened he says well the dog bit her and she died guy says hey can I borrow the dog says get in line so you see you thought that was the joke it was a joke on the joke you understand that that's you know where you you push it a little further and a little further you know and uh um uh and it's the unexpected because expected people don't laugh is an outburst of the of the contradiction of the funny that's what makes it funny guy walks into a bar orders a drink not very funny guy walks into a bar says ouch also not very funny but at least it's a joke because you thought he walked into a pub when in fact he literally walked into a bar two guys walk into a bar you think one of them would have seen it and it's the same same idea you know you're you're doing it that's why there's a clever joke and it's not very funny but I it over my head all the time because it's just so clever time flies like an arrow fruit flies like a banana now the reason this is so clever is because in the first joke um flies is a verb right time flies and the second one flies is a noun fruit flies yeah and the first one like is cim as if time flies like an arrow and the second one like is ohave they enjoy fruit flies like a banana so it's it's so incredibly clever not very funny you know but it is incredibly clever and uh and it's the unexpected you know that makes people laugh because you you don't see it coming you don't know where it's going to come from so going back to the pur and play which is uh what I wanted to show uh Pur and play is so important because it's uh it's uh social commentary so I I used to enjoy watching people try to impersonate me it's not easy to impersonate me um uh so certain people try to do the you know the silly laugh that I have you know okay fine you know uh almost every per play as soon as I sit down the first thing I do is kick off my shoes that's uh that's that's definitely a habit I have some even when I'm speaking I'll take off my shoes behind the uh behind the Lector as I'm talking you know uh Rabbi Wallin he said um that he was a cohain and there are certain things that kohanim have in common and one is they all have hot feet so they're always taking off their shoes he says that's because they had to work in the Bas mikdash sometimes in the cold on the stone floor outside so they had to have hot feet so that's why you find very often and Goan kick off their shoes so I I have a reason for but okay that was one of the things they would imitate they would do certain other things but one time someone was doing me a PR play and and I didn't get it this guy's have they were doing me giving a share and go like and then this guy comes along and Guy Napoleon a little short guy you know what I'm talking about guy hand that and then in the middle he stops and he goes like this and everybody cracks up and he does it like two or three times and each time people were laughing I said what is that they said Reby you do that all the time I said no I don't he goes okay next time we catch it so sure enough I'm in Shear I'm doing some routine and they say there it is and I suddenly was conscious I'm doing a routine and then I stopped and I went like this I said oh now I understand yeah what does that mean as I said there's a method to the madness there's a line between where you're using the humor to illustrate the Toyah and to open up this year and where it just turns into and so I will use the humor as a technique to get people receptive to the idea I'm trying to say but I stop and say is that enough should I go for another minute you know to to make sure that everyone's hopping what I'm saying or did I make my point I I didn't want it to be for the sense of in fact there was when I used to teach in the sh this married woman comes over to me and says you know I said over my the entire Shir to my husband I said very nice says you don't understand I can't remember sh orim but I remember jokes and stories and with your sheer if you remember the jokes and stories you can recreate this year now I was teaching seminary I used to give a parish a shear and it was Friday morning people were tired I'd always start with a joke and then I would slowly start setting up my questions and my questions and my questions and be a whole bunch of questions and then I would turn it out to the group and they would offer some suggestions Etc and then I would give my answer and one time towards the end of this year this one girl said wait I know the answer it's in the opening joke it's always in the opening joke and I thought to myself wow that's pretty good because I usually cover it up but I do have that habit at the end when everything is all done I come back at the end and I tie it back in to that first joke that I told so okay so there was a method to the madness but uh but the idea is that you want to use this when I was in umen when he would give a Shear he would tell a lot of jokes during the shear so someone said to me once I don't understand says Raba he would tell one joke and uh and he wouldn't keep telling jokes the whole time so he asked the Riva and said it's a different door so someone said to me what did he mean I said I know what he meant nobody has any attention span you're starting to share over again over and over again so you have to keep pulling the people back in and if there are no if there's no jokes they'll just start to drift so um there were these uh um there was a master's program in psychology and they brought in someone to speak about some kind of political thing in China okay he's speaking five minutes in the professor stops him and says everybody write down whatever you were thinking just now only one person was thinking about China and that was he was thinking of going out to get Chinese food but otherwise people completely spaced out so if you're able to use the humor as a hook to be able to pull people into the Tyra that's when it has it that's why it's me it's doesn't say no but those bull sessions where people just sit around and tell jokes and laugh and laugh until they look like they're drunk and falling off the couch that can only lead to bad things fooling around is a problem and therefore we have to know there are things in this world that are good in limited quantities and too much can have ill effect use only as prescribed okay and that brings us to the question and answer portion of our program uh question number one by Anonymous is the grass really greener on the other side yeah sometimes certainly if you don't take care of your lawn and the other person does it does obviously what you're saying is if the grass on my side is exactly is green and the g grass on the other side why does it look better over there and the answer is because we live in a world of Dion we live in a world of fantasy and we fantasize that somebody else's life is better than ours I I quoted RAB Le on this uh before where it says say Do not desire your neighbor's wife your neighbor's house or your neighbor's cow says why are you comparing the wife to the cow yeah says well obviously if I want your house and I want your wife and I want your cow it means I want to be you and I'm convinced that if I had that if I had her husband or I had his wife or I had their children or I had their money or whatever it is then my life would be happy and that's why the grass often appears greener on the other side or because the people on the other side know how to enjoy it more than you do um there are certain things that if my wife made for the children they would not eat but if I'm eating it the children pull it out of my hands because everything that I eat looks good it's just part of my nature you know uh I guess I just enjoy life I just so filled with a joy that when I eat something I says wow that looks like it must be the most delicious thing in the world and I had this joke that I've been doing for over 40 years we're married for 40 years over 40 years and God to eat and my wife is like I'm not going to wash you know or I'm not going to have dessert whatever it is you know and so I said okay I'll wash she says how's the bread probably the most delicious bread I've ever had in my life she really I said no I do it every time because so I'm not going to have desserts I get the cake and M this is probably the most delicious piece of cake I've ever had in my life CU like really but it doesn't matter I don't have to say that just when I eat something it just automatically takes on that's why I really should have been a rebba if I ever learned Yiddish I think I would to become a rebba because you know the rebba would eat something and and they right away take it away and PS around to the you know someone said to me once why do you see these rebers have this far off look in their eyes so there was a there and he says because they're not in this world they're looking someplace else I said that's not why because every time they eat something they pull it away and he's like wait wait I wasn't done that's lus okay that's that does not fall under our category next question Kitty carile by Anonymous what could I do when I'm stressed breathe breathing is very effective I remember when I learned Lamas with my wife when we were expecting our first child so they said pain comes about because you know you get tense and then your muscles tense up and everything becomes worse says you have to learn to relax and take deep breath and that irates uh your muscles and makes you more relaxed that's one thing you should do the other thing you should do is and there's an expression I've heard this expression go to your happy place what does that mean so I used to say step outside of the painting you're in a painting painting and step outside of it so I'm looking at it from the outside you know um I saw Miriam adahan and one of her books describes it as helicoptering above the situation and watching it from above it means that I'm not involved I'm looking at from the outside so I can find myself in a very tense situation and I go any place that might be nice for me yeah think of myself lying in a comfortable bed and it's just the right temperature warm enough or cool enough people like to sleep different ways and just feel yourself sinking into the bed and into the pillow and just relaxing right for some people it's go someplace where there's water and grass and you know and you can hear birds and it's just relaxing like that whatever it is wherever your place is go to your happy place another way is listening to music and you should find whatever music it is that picks you up music has the ability to lift us up Steve Martin who's been around for many years but he was a comedian in the 70s so part of his routine he' play the banjo and he says you know you can't really write a depressing song on the bjo you know he's like oh death destruction and horrible thing [Laughter] music is very good you know and uh and that's it you have to and the most important thing most important thing is you need to be talking remember seeing a bumper sticker once that said before you tell God how big your problems are tell your problems how big God is and the more you reach that level of acceptance then you could be stuck in traffic you got to get someplace there's nothing you can do you just accept it you know what can I do I wish the traffic was moving I have to get someplace nothing I could do it it just is you just have to just have to have uh trust that knows what he's doing and if you accept that that will help you to relieve the stress okay by Anonymous is there anything we can do to stop twering during daving yes now uh those you who are not familiar of my Alter Ego I am also a cartoon character known as Rabbi sitter and that's why sometimes I go places and some people know me as Rabbi elski they know me from the rabbi olowski show or from places I've spoken or taught and some people know me as Rabbi sitter uh this is by Torah live uh Dan Roth in fact you can go back to the old podcast uh I interviewed him once and we talked about Torah live and um he uh uh he uses the animation as a means to be able to bring across ideas and if there was ever anybody who was meant to be a cartoon character it's definitely me anyway so um I uh I just made a video for them about not talking in as Rabbi sitter so if you want to go to Torah live you can look up there that uh that video it's I deal with it at length I'll give you a few easy ones one is if there's a sh where everybody talks don't go there and if you have to go there sit someplace where no one's going to talk to you you know find a corner somewhere but certainly don't sit next to the talkers and certainly don't sit next to anybody who um is going to talk to you that's no guarantee people might come over and talk to you and the easiest way to deal with that is just to look at them and not say anything usually they'll figure it out and look for greener pastures where they can go and talk to somebody but uh you know if you stay away from those situations it'll make it much easier for you obviously if you can find a minion where um there's no talking that makes it better when I lived in farraway so Rabbi atan Fino who is now the rabbi the white sha he was introducing me once when I was going to speak in the show and he says I remember Rabbi olowski when I was a teenager because I used to go to the teen minion at the white show and uh and it was very strange there was this one adult now I think that's a bit of an exaggeration but he was this one adult I mean I was wearing a Talis you know who would dive into the minion and uh I said yeah I love that minion there's no talking they move it along the kids run all the doing and the laning they have a little you know it's perfect it was the perfect ding that I could find everything that I could ask for and there were certain shs where you just knew there was going to be a lot of talking and it upsets me you know okay hey by Anonymous what is the definition of hatred in the if I dislike someone when does one start to have an AA under this love if you hate someone because they're Russia okay yeah but if I hate somebody because they are annoying and they're not evil they're just incredibly annoying you know like the people who poke you in the chest when they talk to you or they slap you on the shoulder emphasis you walk away bruised or people who have not master the art of personal hygiene you know and they come right up to you you know so you know to hate those people you know you may not want to uh spend the quiet evening together but have you have to love people and just as you have a tremendous amount of tolerance for yourself in spite of your shortcomings you can love other people also even because of their shortcomings even if their shortcomings are moral even if their shortcomings are emotional you can you're not supposed to hate anybody not supposed to hate them you know um and so people who say well I can't help the way I feel the answer is yeah you can you are not an animal you can take control over your thoughts and decisions and that's it for this episode if you want to find out more about the show you can go to my website Rabbi ori. comom and there's other material there that you can read or you can download you can sign up for one of our online shorum Miss sharim dafi uh you can uh sponsor an episode sponsor a question and answer sponsor a parer and five uh you can do a question leave a comment and that's it until next time I am DAV rovski and this has been the rabbi olowski show it's the rabbi orlovski show Torah and S ready to go the rabbi orlovski show knowledge and wisdom will help you grow lots of fun in every episode and we don't have to rhyme no we don't it's the rabbi orlovski show on Rabbi orlovski doccom T anytime YouTube and more it's Rabbi orlovski show Tor and ready to go the rabbi orski show till next time till we meet again it's the rabbi Orlowski show it's the rabbi Orlowski show it's the rabbi Orlowski show