It's Not What it Looks Like | Rabbi Joey Haber

You know, sometimes when you see society, it's not so tempting. You see people out there with their tattoos and their piercings and their funny colored hair, and there's nothing tempting about it. But then you’ll see someone within our own communities and you’ll see a couple walking in the street and everything looks perfect. Mother, father with a little baby in the carriage. And you're like: Wow, I wish I had that. I want to give you a little lesson, when you find yourself having those thoughts. When I was a little boy, maybe 15 years old, my parents took me to a Children's Museum in Staten Island. I don't remember, I just remember pulling up on a winter Sunday. It was Shabbos Chanukah. And that museum had an exhibit that I don't think I'll ever forget. They showed you different parts of media and then they wanted to show you the power that media has. And they showed you on a screen a scene. A man was walking, a white man walking with a designer suit, designer shoes, groomed hair, an attache case. He’s walking on the sidewalk, parked cars on the left and a house on the right. And as he's walking, minding his own business, out from behind the parked cars comes an African-American man, who jumps the white man and shoves him against the wall. It's so clear that you’re seeing a mugging. Then they show you the exact same scene again. Man walking on the sidewalk, white man, designer shoes, designer suit, groomed hair, attache case, walking on the sidewalk. Now from behind the parked cars comes an African-American man, about to jump him. And this time they show you the scene from afar. And you see that on top of the house where the white man was walking past, there was a boulder of bricks that was rolling off the roof, about to hit the white man to kill him. The African-American man who jumped from behind the cars and shoved him against the wall wasn't mugging him. He was saving his life. I want to tell you something that comes from a lot of experience. When you see a scene, you don't always know what you're seeing. Sometimes you see a couple, and you’re like: Wow, their life looks magnificent. And they're frum and they’re ehrlich and they’re dressing modest. So it's like... It looks even more innocent to you. Don't ever get fooled. You never know what they're dealing with, you never know what it is. I would tell you from experience in being a Rav for over 20 years, I can't tell you how many couples have sat in front of me that seemed perfect, their lives seem unbelievable and their life was such a struggle. Don't ever get fooled by the scene because there's always more in the scene that you don't see. And even if they're not struggling, don't think: Oh, if I would do this, and if I would do this. So many times, if I would do this and I would do this, then something else would have been and suddenly else would have changed and your life wouldn’t be nearly as good as it is today. So stop thinking, stop guessing, because when you think that you're using your imagination and you say to yourself, If everything in my life was the same, but if I flipped this one thing, everything would be perfect, your mind is lying to you. So don't get fooled from scenes that you see within our own community, scenes that you think you know what you're looking at. Because almost always, the scene is so much bigger than what your eyes are able to see.