It's forbidden to be old - and so much more - with Marriage and Intimacy Coach Beth Moskovic.

rabi nakan says it's forbidden to be old and I really have this belief in renewal and reset every night I go to bed I say okay Beth restart tomorrow's a new day whatever happened today tomorrow we're going to start again and I think I got that from my great uncle who I I see as a mentor who you know he was 96 but when he passed away I always said he wasn't he was he wasn't at [Music] old Welcome to our olami podcast where we get to get insight into the different mentors that are on our mentorship journey and today I have Beth Movic with us and Beth is going to introduce herself let us know where she's from what industry profession she is where she's located now and some little highlights of her life go ahead Beth okay thank you so much for having me Jordana I'm really happy to be here with you so my name is Beth mosic uh I am a wife a mom of six children ranging from 17 to four years old uh I would I would call that my my main accomplishment what I really am so proud of I am a marriage and intimacy coach uh working uh mainly with women I'm also a college teacher I also work with couples I work a lot on relationship skills um my background is an educational psychologist so prior to embarking on this journey as a coach I worked for many years over 20 years in Jewish Day schools overseeing programs uh for students with learning disabilities uh all kinds of academic support early intervention programs and that was very much a passionate mine reading is a very much a passion of mine reading development so early literacy that was where I started I live in Montreal I'm born in Montreal I live in the in the house around the corner from where I was born born so I have not gone too far I'm very much a a a home girl I like being a close by to my roots and um my background is ashkanazi I'm also very proud uh daughter of Holocaust Survivors um my my parents were children in the Holocaust grandparents great-grandparents and that is very much a big part of my identity uh I went to Jewish Day School all my life with where um really Jewish identity was really instilled in me uh connection to Israel just Jewish pride and I I see more than ever today how much uh gratitude I have for that that upbringing and that education I got wow that's beautiful now is your husband also from Montreal yes yes my husband's also from Montreal he is um we grew up actually seven blocks from each other but we didn't know each other we grew up in different communities so he is his parents are uh from Moroccan background he's toari and uh we're 360 days apart I'm actually 360 days older than him so we're we met when we were 19 and 20 and dated for a long time almost eight years and then got married about 18 years ago and we really we've been on a journey all kinds of different aspects of this journey together a beautiful journey together oh wow that sounds so so beautiful oh my gosh so you also speak French then obviously we yes I took French in high school but don't ask me anything okay so now when you wanted to go into psychology what what made was there something from your upbringing uh from your childhood that veered you in that direction of your profession um I think that I was always a person who liked helping people so so when I was a kid in school if someone need help I was finished my school workor and a friend or a classmate needed help I remember going over to them or asking the teacher can I help somebody can I help you and I psychology is a lot about you know there's a lot of branches that are its helping profession so I think that's what got me into it and um I actually studied uh Commerce business in college here we have cjet before you go to university so I I always was always that girl that believed in keeping your doors open I was open I I thought okay I'll I'll take all those math courses because maybe I'll go into business I'm not sure I just wanted to keep my doors open and and I'm I'm a learner so I was always interested in learning and uh but it it always led me back to doing something that would help others whether it was initially children it was very much about children but really um in different populations today I would say in what I'm doing I'm always ready to reach out and see how can I help this group um in whatever the need is now I love that that you're a helper um now you touched on something you said it and you said it so subtly but I'm gon to bring it up and uh let's see where we could go with it you had mentioned with that you were on a journey with your husband um that you were on a journey together do you want to explain that journey and on that Journey you know sometimes when we use that terminology there are people that guide us on that Journey we like to call them mentors you know you might have seen them as somebody else as Guides of people that you seek advice from so besides of whatever you feel comfortable sharing about your journey um share and then I'd love to hear about anyone that mentored you or guide you on that Journey absolutely so I think um I would say when my husband and I met we were both very modern uh we grew up I think him being Sparty there was more of a little bit a bit more traditional background than I had but I also had had a traditional background we went to synagogue with a SCH on high holidays uh we celebrated all the high holidays uh Friday night shabbat at home as much as possible uh but then when I met my husband he his family was more on a path to becoming more observant and I think love can open you up to all kinds of things so as soon as you know not long after we met I would walk to his house Friday night I stopped driving my car on Friday nights and and then Saturday still I wasn't you know there yet um he ate only kosher well I loved him so he wants to eat kosher okay no problem let's eat kosher and I I really once I let go of whatever it is I was doing previously in in in terms of dietary and and all of that and eating it that came kind of with ease and some things were harder to take on uh but it became a journey of spirituality of uh of growth and then of course bumps along the way not always agreeing on everything not always being in the same place uh Som I felt like he was sort of I would say ahead of me in certain areas and I think it's while it's a couple's journey I think there's also the personal aspects of the journey that could be so enriching when you you know again open yourself up to it so that's what I that's what I did I said okay what what can this bring me what can I learn what can I learn from what he's doing and uh you know I think different stages of life whether it's when we our older children were younger we did it in a certain way but always you know bringing in rituals uh connecting back to uh Our Roots and to Judaism so did were there any guides for you any mentors along the way to help you with this journey yes absolutely I think one of my biggest mentors uh was my great uncle who passed away at 96 and my husband knew him also and he was you know he was a holocaust Survivor he was very much you know connected to yides K and to Torah and at the time I wasn't as much but I always went over to his house there was something always that Drew me back to him and he had this gentle kind way of approaching life um uh his his his imuna his you know Faith After experiencing so much Challenge and and continuing to experience challenge in his in his older years uh was really a source of inspiration for me and I don't know if then I knew how much it was an inspiration for me but I I took it all in I think one of the lessons I learned from him which my husband follows the teachings of rabi nakan we we follow it together is that uh rabi nakan says it's forbidden to be old and I really have this belief in renewal and reset every night I go to bed I say okay Beth restart tomorrow's a new day whatever happened today tomorrow we're going to start again and I think I got that from my great uncle who I I see as a mentor who you know he was 96 but when he passed away I always said he wasn't he was he wasn't that old to me I kept on repeating it I remember then saying but he wasn't so old because he that was the attitude the way the mindset that's how he lived life and I think today that's what I bring into my life too into my relationship into my relationship with my children into my work I think just saying okay start again after 20 years of doing it one way or being on One path or working in one institution where I was very um very connected very involved it's okay we can redirect and and switch gears a little bit and and adjust and and find another way and I think it's brought me a lot of goodness in my life okay I'm going to love this conversation so get ready go you ready to go with me Beth okay because you're bringing up a lot of stuff and I'm very much enjoying it so um in reference to your great uncle so you had said that he had mentioned uh never what was the the way you phrase it never to get old right yes so you were talking about a mindset and to be ready it's a new day to start over again and don't get I guess don't get stuck uh in your old ways so you know what's very common today is um validation yes validating right especially if you're a coach you know what I'm talking about and and allowing people to have their feelings so what point do you feel do we make that shift what point do we say okay I felt the feelings don't stay now in the old now it's time to shift isn't that is that is that interesting like you hear what I'm saying yeah I hear you I think that it takes sometimes a a challenging experience or some kind of drastic change in life for me if I think back it could be the pandemic I think for a lot of people it was that uh to say okay now I've been we have to be forced into change so now I've been forced in a way to change aspects of my life and my lifestyle and um and it's either like you said we we get stuck and it could make us more rigid and say no I'm I'm you know kind of pushing against it rather than trying to go through it and with the through it there there could be likely additional more challenges and some bumps along the way uh so I think I think that's where the shift happens and with that you know it's hard to take risks I think the biggest part that biggest struggle is that we we struggle to jump into things because we don't want to fail and we don't want to um try something new and make a mistake or not do it what we think or is the right way and uh I think our our greatest learning and the openings to um blessings and the biggest opportunities come through those uh those those what I I would say is possibility of mistakes what I always say say to my um the women that I coach I've been saying it a lot lately is do it in something that's easier for you so if it's something in relationship and they feel like uh that's really hard um it's hard for me to allow my husband to take control of a certain thing or do it his way even though I want his help so I would say try it in what's hard but the easiest of the hard so that you feel it a bit but at least you you you'll have more of an ease in trying it in in opening that door and then you'll see oh that wasn't so bad I can do that again let me try that again so I think it's all like small steps we have to try to take I like that small step so now from what you had told me you had worked in one area for I think you had said like 20 years and then you shifted into the coaching that you're doing did you have any guidance during that like did you like was there someone at work that said okay Beth you could do this you know or was it your husband that said oh Beth you could do this let's let's let's shift what you were doing and let's change it up like what was the process of that for you you know taking that leap which I think sometimes a lot of people want to do there are a lot of people professionally um that they could be afraid of change just stick with what they're doing people that are are not passionate about what they're doing and so they want to change and they want to do what they're passionate about but they're always scared to do it so I would love to hear the process what went in your mind when you were making that shift well I think prior to making the shift I think I had like an itch for it so maybe for I would say two maybe 3 years I was itching to do it but like you said like most people I had a fear of making the change I woke up every morning I worked in the same school for since I got married I got married in June 2005 and then September I was working in the school which I adored uh my children were born they all went to the school they would come to my office to see me a very family oriented school I absolutely adore this school that I that I worked in I had a lot of colleagues that I became my friends I had a lot of Allegiance I'm very uh dedicated person when it comes to to pretty much everything but professionally uh I felt very tied to my job to my work very responsible so it's hard to let go in that way and like I said I think with the pandemic it was kind of a natural break I also had a baby at that time in 2019 so I was home on maternity leave with a baby and and uh I think that being home uh my kids were all on zoom in school here it was like a little school in my house five kids doing school at home I think that uh opens up the door I started buying lots of books I've always been a reader uh I got more involved in social media and and I think I there was a lot I learned from others I I look to other people as a model I think that's one thing a lesson we can learn is rather than looking at the other somebody who's successful somebody who um is influencing others and say wow I can't do that looking at them from the perspective of what do they do that I can learn from when I look at you Jordana I've seen you on your your Instagram page and and just leaders who are leaders we can look to that are models for us I think that could be the biggest gift in growth and advancement so while I had personal me mentors I had my own coach uh who is someone very close to me in my life and she was one person that really pushed me and guided me and walked me through the process my husband really at the top in terms of support my biggest cheerleader encourager always saying you want to do something okay go for it I I remember during the pandemic he wasn't working that much he was working from home I said Elon I really want to do this course it sounds amazing a a coaching course in in marriage and intimacy and he just said okay if you if you want to do it and you think this is good for you do it whatever I did uh he was always behind me and he still always is uh you know kind of promoting me cheering for me sharing with other people what I do and and really just to me saying that's amazing it's it's incredible what you do sharing what other people tell him you know so and so saw you and they they heard what you said and they heard you speak so it's all that we we need our own internal validation but like you said I think it's these guides and mentors in our lives uh and I think along the way I've had different ones that I think Hashem sends them to you sends you the right person that you need and the right words and the right message at the time that is right for you and when you need it most that's really my belief so you're actually getting me thinking of who are those other people in my life that influen me in those ways right but I love how you put it and I think also to just go with the last thing you're saying is that God probably sends these people to us but you have to be open to receive that's what you were saying that when you when you see these other people don't focus on being jealous of what they're doing or or something else but rather try to be open to see what can you do in your life to mimic a little bit of growth like they have yes like it's like it's like I guess they there's a positive jealousy that we talk about in Judaism that there's a good jealousy and there's a bad jealousy the bad jealousy is if it it leads to hatred if it you know leads to all those negative feelings but a good jealousy is oh my gosh look at that person look how much charity they give I wish I was able to give that much charity right if it leads us to positive action so I think that's very beautiful what how you're putting it now I wanted to ask you a a separate question in reference to Montreal I I've never lived in Montreal visited um what is it like uh being a Jew there in today's day and age is there is anti-Semitism On The Rise uh has it affected especially you know you're talking about your parents family of Holocaust Survivors so you have a sensitivity to what has happened in the past is it triggering now to what's going on now for you as well I think for me it's very triggering um but at the same time I really uh feel very grateful and uh reassured that I live in a thriving Jewish Community uh a community that has strong ties to our government strong ties to you know Security in in the city I do see a rise in anti-Semitism unfortunately we've had incidences at some schools synagogues in Montreal uh since October 7th uh but you know I I also see that the community is very much on it uh I grew up like I said here all my life and I see the people coming forward and really stepping up and using their voice and creating programs and bringing Jewish people together in our community now more than ever but we're we're very blessed that this has always existed in the Montreal Jewish Community we've strong Federation Federation cja is um an organization that uh really supports and and and spreads uh their their their support wide in the community and and of course in Israel uh but yes I do see certainly the effects of it um in Montreal uh and in the Jewish Community there there's no question about that our our institutions like in um I would think other cities in North America across the world have stepped up in in terms of security so it's it's a different way that kids have to live and but I do think that this there's been cycles of this over time um but never to this extent like we're living it now at least um in my time I I never saw it to this level this degree yeah so now as a mentor for thei mentorship program I would love to hear like does does anti-semitism come up in your discussions with your mentee or what has been a highlight for you now that you are in the mentor seat versus the mentee seat um what what have you enjoyed so much about it uh I think in terms of anti-Semitism because right now um this is so much um a big part of what's going on in our our Jewish lives it definitely comes up in the conversations um with my mentees I think one message that I would give as um a person who when University I you know it it it it pains me to see University students our Jewish students have to go through what they have to go through but I think it's a lot about Unity I think that is where our strength lies in being united staying United um having a united front working together uh seeing you know youth groups and groups form in the universities and among the students and the mentees that I'm work working with that they have access to this I think that's a that's a great thing uh the highlights for me me is really just being able to connect I feel very privileged to be able to connect with a young adult and to provide them with guidance so whatever it is the topic that comes up that they want to focus on I think the conversation kind of goes organically I like to go back to those um guiding uh themes that are shared byi I open them up and we talk about the questions the stories the teachings from the talmud it it Sparks a lot of interesting discussions so I really love that Oli set it up that way uh but like for example uh a Mente I worked with last year uh her Focus was the discussion was a lot about relationships and uh you know different aspects of what goes on in a relationship and different relationships so it went that way and and a lot about family you know now I'm starting with a new mentee we've been focusing a lot on um more on uh career paths and talking about uh her you know the her school her the journey in education that she's going on so uh I think it's you know a mix of both of of you know whatever really I like to respond to the need and um what what they have on their minds right now I think it's important to listen to Young people I think that's really so important um to F not to focus so much on what do I want to share but what is it that that they want to share I'm really just I start off Always by listening right it's more about not what I want to share but rather what they want to hear yes yes beautiful beautiful so if there were you know we get these questions from the mentees and one of the main questions that we get asked from the mentees is what would be three life lessons that you would main life L you think are so important that you'd want to give over whether it be to your children or to your Mente current menty or future mentees whatever it might be what do you like the top three life lessons Okay so for me I think uh the first one is that to remember everything changes so don't lose hope and feel like you're stuck and I think that's a very uh Jewish it's really rooted in Torah and Judaism is that we're not stuck uh you know we're all born with a predestined path but it's through our work and trying and and changing and of course prayer you know bringing in a few different things into it we can change we can change everyone has a potential to change and that's really a belief I I worked again I told you with children learning disabilities my belief that is that everyone has the potential to change and grow uh so I think that's one lesson that I um share with mentees uh coaching clients my children that everything has the potential to change so don't feel stuck okay well give me two more our attitude and perspective is everything it's huge it makes such a difference in life um you know when you look at the world um you know kind of with a negative lens and what went wrong what potentially can go wrong um what others did that wasn't um that could have been could be perceived as negative or against me or my failures then that's how we go through life but if we go into it with again that perspective of um anything's possible I'm open um it's not always going to go my way but I I'll keep trying I think that really changes um how we see things and and how our life unfolds too I think that's that's that's big and the choices we make it also impacts the choices we make and that we have the choices right like what you're saying from your number two your second one is like a lot of times I think there was like a f like a cute cartoon about someone who's complaining about the people that they worked with in the office and this person needs to change and that person need change and then when they got they seek help and all of a sudden they worked on themselves all the next time they after a few months they get into they go oh everyone changed and no one really changed the change was already from within but it was the own person's perspective and when they worked on themselves it seemed as if but it was how people then were interacting with that person so I think that's uh going towards what you were saying and the last one Beth give me one more okay so I think that for me a huge one is to always prioritize your your self-care that when you C take care of yourselves in yourself in different ways um feeding aspects of yourself the physical the emotional the mental the spiritual then you can give back to the closest people in your lives your loved ones uh the world in in in so much of a better way so for me I'm a huge huge um I have a huge passion for movement so my message would always be um that move your body I say that every day on my Instagram page have you moved your body today I think that we don't take enough time uh to to care for ourselves to care for our bodies and and and and that's what Hashem wants for us to take care of ourselves U mind body and soul and uh this is certainly a lesson I share with my coaching clients my children they see it in the day today they know that's a huge part of my identity and so you know I think a lot of the these three lessons it's a lot about imparting them through what you what what I do more than than what I say uh so it just you know people know me to be that person because that's how I live my life so those would be definitely my top three oh I love it I love how you ended that so beautifully that that it's not just about what we say but it's you model it those these three ideals you actually model in your daily life so that was beautiful thank you so much Beth I'm I'm positive any of your mentees are so fortunate to have you as a mentor and we atami are fortunate to have you on board for the Montreal mentorship and this this has been amazing thank you so much my pleasure thank you thank you for having me really I enjoyed it very [Music] much