Is Marriage About Self Actualization or Self-Renunciation?

the yeshiva dotnet the point in para caliphs chapter one in the beginning of pervaiz was that when we speak about sugar the concept of truth it's not like people think chuhwa begins with repentance or remorse for sins that's one detail of children it's one aspect of jewelr trubiz really the cosmic mission of gold which tarnish some is always in a person is always engaged in even the greatest of tsadikim or in the expression of the gomorrah column of OVA so Kalama but river doesn't only mean cuz everybody always sins it means even somebody who doesn't the concept of life is children truth is the story of life because truven means mahashiv to return as he says that the godly soul of a person is soul of a person it's completely one with the ain't safe and submerged in it manda Natha meet - offer it so to speak his inner breath by HIPAA Popovich Messiah completely one of the breath before you speak before you exhale it's completely one with you where's that breath it doesn't have a distinct place in your body say oh there is my breath which came out now through words or through blowing that breath is completely one with your Ruach I am with your neshama in fact the word neshama comes from the word mishima right which means breath Karl Hanna Shama - hallo you Takei hallelu KO we say in the morning from - Ellen so the madness to him says call Hana Shama I'll call Mishima Enoshima - hallo Utica for every breath you should be grateful you should express gratitude I'll calm the shamone shamone okay every breath is a new experience of life and when somebody a Lula is short of breath they appreciate what breath is we often don't appreciate breath you know you inhale you exhale you don't even notice you're doing it but it's really a miracle in the making literally every moment simply the ability to be able to do it and what happens as you inhale what happens as you exhale and how essential and vital for life that is on a spiritual level that is the very process of creation the soul was completely one with its source and then it comes out via pop of knishmas time it goes to a transformation and life is about returning the soul back to its source to have complete vehicles with its own essence the question now was why what was the point of this whole transformation of the soul especially colored rocks in Bethesda Sakana its voyage is a dangerous voyage la meheeco sighs what was the purpose he went into the discussion of hashem elokenu a choice low moisture compares Hashem to fire and the metaphor that is that the metaphor that is trying to the metaphor moistu is trying to convey by comparing a boy - allow them to a consuming flame is that fire does not is not sustained as a flame unless it's held on unless a wick or log so to speak contain it and hold on to it if not that naturally departs because the tether of Asia is Little Italy Milan to the part upwards the same is true that devar hashem that creates the world's how like a devar i KH no Masha my words are like fire so he says 'but ewa naturally it departs it departs meaning is it goes back to its source deeper comes just like a person's did book comes from the person but here naturally it's ash you need something to hold on to it hold on to it he says just like our deeper comes from the breath of the heart which is H haoles oh she is heavily osseous love Hashem stir I also come from H and that H naturally naturally comes back which is why it says well olam hashem version it's embosser maíam so the matter still them says creation has to happen every moment is happening every single moment you don't light a fire and then the fire goes no no you have to keep on fueling the flames you want a bonfire to be sustained you remember in camp somebody has to sit up a whole night and there's always the volunteers or more than happy to stay up the night and stoke the flames doesn't burn on its own you don't leave it alone and then come back six hours later it's gonna be gone it's it's extinguished loyola mash em Warka Mitsubishi maíam there's always a new new de Bourgh it's always a what happened the first moment it's constantly it's it's constantly happening the creation is constantly happening and the Voort is that the first deboard lost like Asia it would depart and if it would apart existence would cease so in the beginning there was huff it's just a sham wanted after that it depends on the my Saturday know on the action of those who are down here Kalani Curbishley will avoid abrasive it's active of assistive debris ax happens with Hawaii which attaches and covered a lot area the trailer represents the Kalin the containers to hold down the fire to hold down the light the oil fire represents all your light and warmth the earlier harsh rim that had stood in the part why would it naturally depart and this explained by rhesus well the Sawyer says you remember lava or for the Malka we study the mill and they had the idea creation is unnatural it's not the way of the King to speak peasant like words an explanation here is that what that the creation the entire cosmos the physical cosmos and even the spiritual universes and even the highest most lofty spiritual transcendent universes as he says even the maiden alien and certainly grenade malcontent all of them are called milord they all come from God's words hehe are you here akia but this energy completely does not express does not capture and Lucas it's not the natural expression of the kingdom in fact it comes from this suspension of self creation is not an act of self expression as much as it is an act of self negation which is really a very novel idea extremely counterintuitive even in the names we call Hashem the Bosch ever with Boyd initial items while we while we look what he did wow this is God the skanda a burst of mono this piece of art this is something special this is an artist once in history this mansion this home this piece of music and there's only a Mozart only a Beethoven nobody else could do this this book this piece of literature is priceless every word is gold and silver he says quite a creation is the same thing that's the finish in that it's not that way yes from our vantage point it expresses a tremendous amount he's not here to minimize the wonder of creation he's here to extol the infinity of God the understand he's not here to minimize the wonder of creation he's here to explain that from the wonder of creation and saying that it doesn't express its creator you understand that it's creator is not defined by the fact that he's a creator so in other words to call God a creator in many ways is insulting yeah say good huh very good that's just shouting you're modest an original personick mark says the end of the Megillah but Malcolm chaton might say the Gnostics look at this particle schemata mites and Vasilisa usually great kings are great they're not humble they're not small anywhere in Tanith with the Tanakh describes God's greatness it always comes with a qualification with another positive describing his humility modern Vikash ash screen as darkest Peru I he said I I dwell in the most exalted and sacred of places and in the heart of the broken crushed humble spirit ha Mayan kiss severe it's a time Rabelais but I look at the onion la rúa I descent so it basically brings out God's greatness humility come together but Latonya touches the mahkum shutter might say the law says schemata might say endlessness wherever you encounter his greatness you encounter his humility is not a contrast it's the same thing what we call his greatness is really humility creation creation we call unbeliev the Gemara cells and brothers abdullah hashem abdullah zu my separation good lhasa really it's Unversed no sir why it's an act of humility humility in the sense that it's an act of self negation much more than self expression what we called the do lost sight from our vantage point from his vantage point is actually a novice no see there's no expression the word creator cheapens the word creator in some ways would be insulting what do I mean it would be like I'm talking about creator it's like I speak about this great giant of a king as he said you want to bring down his wealth and you say you know you want to bring on his greatness and you say he has an unbelievable mud collection in his house that's the example he gives us an interesting example that he gives what's the Vaart de Voort is nothing wrong with mud mud is a very useful useful entity for construction levain and bricks come from mud with straw etcetera as the pus akansh moisten there anybody there a flog in partial Viator but the point here is it doesn't express it doesn't express the godless of the king now I just want to convey here one of the many ramifications of this idea the way it applies and person's life as well this is a very important question this creation and act of self-expression or an act of self suspension which one is it the GABAA Hashem of course I didn't create the world he did not me usually as I said when we look at people's productions successful ones that's how they express themselves in fact that's what moves them to express themselves that's what moves them the composer composes and when you listen to his composition you're wow if you appreciate and the architect draws and when you see the plans especially when they're materialized in in this structure and the edifice you're like wow and the same is true in any other area whether it's a writer or a speaker or an athlete whatever we create any form of art that we create whether it's utilitarian whether it's practical whether it's purely artistic whatever it is you go and tell museum you go to an art gallery you take a look at a piece of art if you have a hush you take a look who painted it and you see you see genius you see creativity a book you're reading a piece of music you're reading a mansion you're watching a speech you're listening to everything is a creation and the creation expresses at least something it creates your brilliance expresses your brilliance your passion your humor your death your wisdom your ingenuity your creativity your originality whatever it is we want to and we want to express ourselves it's a major drive in a person you want to express yourself whether it's a business you create your administrative qualities your iPad pedagogical qualities whatever it is that you create on a daily basis yeah their magnum opus right right so that's the point so you could look at creation and say listen the wisdom and creation is infinite the size of creation is infinite I mean at least Bechet mom was right so when you look at history and you read study creation after thousands of years we only we didn't even scratch the get to scratch the tip of the iceberg we still don't even understand what's contained in a cell and a protein in an atom but one who is a student of of creation on any level any aspect of it any part of it one thing nobody can help doing is and that is if you're sensitive Marvel just Marvel that's a common denominator among anybody who who reads a little bit you just marvel at what is in front of us in the words of a Shia Navi Sumer emanation who me Borella yeah in the center myself they told us Jakob Yousef was a student of the Baal Shem Tov Sam was a black of Yosef of palmach they robbed of Ponemah he was from the great comedy over the mall Santa and they were a safer call told us Yaakov Yosef which is probably the earliest Hasidic work that was ever published tough call for men my belief that would be 1780 only two dead three decades after the Baal Shem Tov's passing the earliest Hasidic work I think one of their earliest told the sack of Yosef and it's valuable because about something did not write any of his teachings and the toad was sat there and he closed about shem tov constantly services original stuff that he heard at this is not you know manipulated closely she clearly so it's a very valuable source who is the first generation the original students of the baal shem tov told us our previous so the ballot I never saw though I mean he saw the ball summative once for his up shemesh but he wasn't a student of the ball Sumpter so very a third generation so the table is dealt with Zacharias have had a Minich and he would go visit all the schools all the hadarom unrestrained --is-- many clear out you know rabona had different men hug him instead la once a month he would go visit all the Talmud Toyota's to have done whatever they had and pull Marge to visit speak to the kids speak to the teachers as a rub of the city it's an interesting thing to visit every school every hey that we sheer every time but I to see what's going on once a month so they will go he went into a hey - hi - it was in the morning and they were saying Berkeley now she is the same person now she which is one a chapter 104 of tehilim cove dalit and they're saying it or learning it and Berkeley now she basically Dava Tamela is impressed with God's world that's basically part English yeah and he goes through everything you're said Eretz - hi yello-ha removal thumb mashallah he speaks about the animals and he speaks about the rivers and the brooks and the trees and the birds and so forth he speaks about the Sun and the moon and how freedom sarvam la terrasse the young lions are roaring here right if you ever spent time in the jungles in Africa or national Geographics like if you enjoy a gimlet or if it's a little easier the Lions are roaring for prey they ask God for food tis Hashemi and they find their food and you know when you know when they prayer so they do it at dusk before doing so mm I knew this very well Caesar AHA shemesh the Sun comes up here safe when they go back to their dens to their jungle territories well - Amir but Sun and that's when people got to work as the Lions go to rest people wake up to work Morocco massage Hashem coulomb a customer sees a mullah Haaretz can you neckla which we say every morning in chakras and then he go how great God is your crate then he goes ji-yong gobble or javi damn now he starts talking about the oceans and the ships and Olivia Sun and then he finishes a sheer leshan bhai as a Malachi be ID atomic Ottoman okay so a child raises his hand and says you never force Danish there's something off here in the structure of the poem first describe all of creation when you finish say Marhaba massacre Sam Colombo Kozma sister mother skien after Sheila chef Mathias I'm the kabadi he's a middle of describing creation the Lions and people going to work merhaba masahashi me then he goes back ZM gobble he interrupts first described the world men praise God so the Mohammed says you're right lover the medical definition he can't I know that's a vision Kent I am how he couldn't contain himself you're right structurally right he should have waited at sufficient height now he gave a scream my god oh my gosh I'm coolin cosmicism now let's get back to the science class in middle of the class gaspari he couldn't contain himself tell the second guys I said there's some alignments he was very he was very moved by what he told his child in other words he made it a lie for them it wasn't detached cold academia academics right it's efficient can I know it's Maximizer so total sack of your servers move by it I'll cope on it so this is not to minimize the Madaba myself it's to explain that my rabu moussaka doesn't give you a visa in the in the in the Hashem bits of art from the maggot you say in the morning I'm a a lurid solder mahabharatham to be my father's napoleon thumb in massive relations murabba mas a fashionable cosmos is so melow ha oriT skinnier now was from Allah or risk in yanaka so literally the translation is you have an English sitting here yeah so we could see no the right I stand corrected you have made them off of with the wisdom the earth is full of your possessions basically everything belongs to you Kenyon means what your keine it all belongs to the world the earth is fault filled with your position possessions the magician Margot says the special mala Haaretz Kenya naka the earth is filled with things to which we could be kinda you the earth is filled with things to which we could be kind of you the world is not a bad place the world is not an evil place the world is filled with that which allows people to become you to acquire you in other words there's no net couldn't in the world through which way through which you can't connect it so every nakute in the world you could connect it that's the touch of the Margit Millar's kyun aha which of course represents sometimes a different offer than many way the world is you know inherently evil and disgusting and horrible the body in the world and physicality and the only way to connect us by escapism by asceticism is of art I once saw it says in prickly Elvis we learned Shabbos ha Yaakov says what does he say how halos Buderus you're travelling for shiny learning you're learning I'm going on a hike and you're learning well my super mission also interrupts your learning for me you say maan oil on Zaman on nears how beautiful is this tree how gorgeous the landscape my love a cost of killing Messiah Ben option you're endangering your life so the MAF are some struggle why are you endangering your life first of all who you praising when you say the beautiful tree praising God second of all dove it I'm not a thousand until and we just learned what did he write this till we should have been learning in monoi a long seminar the Messiah by now a third of all this broadness this brushes that you make at certain phenomenon creation monoi you'll examine what were you making process bonanza so there's a Voort it's a very stark of art mahalos Buderus I think I saw some safer even remember mihalis Madera Regina you're walking you're hiking and you're learning then it says oh math Sigma mission uh supposing you interrupt your learning and you say how beautiful the tree is the problem is not that you said how beautiful the tree is that in your mind you have to interrupt your learning in order to praise the tree in other words there is a split in your life there's the world of Toyota and there's the world of nature it's not the same your must've missed us do you say now let's talk about life now let's talk about the rock the sustainer all this Tyler everything is part of Tyler stock over ice super Alma desire says Shem looks in the Eternity created the world that the whole world is a reflection of title what's the Massa Commission on say that's the challenge so that's what the market is expressing mullah or it's Kimmy Anaka the whole world is filled with things to which it can be carnea which is of course is connected to the most sometimes of art the gomorian brushes devolve on my all-american and Yamcha cardiff by semesters end Lepidus vertical by la la da da da miss Lala Sybil van from the database emulation was destroyed her Jemison is not only four cubits of a Lhasa so the ball summative touched very Deering interpretation my own Chikara basa McNish what happened on the day that the baser mistress was destroyed is that we think Anglicans vertical by la lalalala Boulevard our vision change and we believe that God only exists in four cubits of a locker and when you go out of the folk cubits of a locker that's it you're detached that's part of the urban based on meekness the truth is that the Dow that I'm gonna sell our locker are to be found in the whole world now when we're talking here the verts of love orchid the molecule is not melon that dirt not to minimize this on the contrary creation expresses tremendous amount in fact it expresses brilliance beyond beyond beyond beyond and nonetheless it doesn't capture doesn't express the author of creation it's called Millard daddy item so therefore naturally Millard ahead the ITER the devar hashem goes right back to its source camel acacia it's not it's not words that flow naturally from the divine source we call a divine we call them creator because that's our way of being typhus in something we look at God from the perspective of Koresh in fact in many ways this is the difference between philosophy I'm talking Jewish philosophy holy philosophy and terror son mr. Terasaki bomb philosophy begins with the world Kabbalah begins with God that's a different idea philosophy begins with the world you look at the universe and you study it and then you say whoa how did this happen how did this happen how did this happen so you're the God you create is the God that the world dictates to create the world demands of you to create you understand God is created in the image of the world which is not no small thing because the world is a very impressive place it's no small thing but that's the God you come to it's the God that grows out of his product it's like I know the author from the book you know you read sometimes people offer twenty thirteen books you finished reading the books you know them you know everything about them you know them better than they know themselves because they forgot their books already you know you meet them sometimes you listen to a person for you you mean I know everything about you the guy never met you when you met him many times yeah I met a guy the other day she tells me eight years I'm with you eight years I'm with you three hours a day I'm like okay I hope I'm uh it's a wonderful friendship you know you get to be with me and I don't have to be with you it's a very easy friendship for antisocial or burgers people right it's a messiah but it's a very funny experience you know what I mean yes she always thinks you're and many times some we're trying to answer Rama much here you say no there I'm gonna say yeah yeah so so you know the person but how do you know the person you don't know the person from within you know the person from without that's why that god of philosophy is not the god of Kabbalah it's not the same god this God comes from the world which brings you to many places because what's Morris for the creation of the world what's wood we can't say more than that all I know about God is when he tells me through his world that's it I can't reach conclusions that the world doesn't tell me about I don't know him from with him I know him from without that's that's how philosophy works and that's how philosophy has to work this is how the altar ever made peace between the Kabbalist and the philosophers but they weren't contradicting each other one was talking what he used to call da Stockton and açelya and meaning from outside in from inside out yeah most of us forever so uh cuz I'm gonna feed this so therefore if this is the case it's not shot the world as my today but the virus M is a sham a local fish oil on it naturally departs doesn't it's not the natural the natural flow of expression self concealment is what's necessary here it's not an act of self expression I thought it's a cold yet boom Oliver save of yes mind made a hatch all of my skin I'm Oliver save it is that that quartered seller skinny my love is over I will that touch so that cuz I kept my mother is to look of course Kate said here there is lava civilian Natural Sciences well there are came for the logical school a but this is a mission Italian which the Toyotas already a hollow but there's no question about that the godless Hashem is discovered from creation for what he's saying is that godless is also Unversed on the snow so that godless is bamas godless and it's an important thing to learn because it's the world we live in right but it's the godless that you should also know is unless listen we would this express itself for example in a person where does it express itself it expresses itself in another question which you'll just see the parallels between the two in in many ways as he often says it's already in medicine ramble in many places the relationship between Hashem and the world are some of the Jewish people is the Dominion of an issue an issue of a man and a woman the young far sooner say the Mishna says in tiniest at the end of Hvar biome Carson also is a Martin Taylor Martin Taylor is called the hasana and particularly in Kippur which is the young-shin it knew the Gemara says the young-shin by local chakras which is going to be the topic of Yom Kippur from partials are very much now when you speak about a marriage for example a relationship there is always this question sounds maybe like an abstract question but it's not an abstract question it's a very real question and that is is marriage an act of self-expression or is it something that is more about self-abnegation abnegation which one is a more accurate description of the marital institution [Music] self-expression means it brings me out self-abnegation means I renounce myself it's been mavet older I'm a Vuitton myself for the sake of the other which is a more your child is getting married your child is getting married and you they come to you and they say top tell me about what I'm getting into right what's the pet what's the pep talk you giving them are you telling them this will be the moment when you will finally find yourself here will be a person will help you discover who you really are don't laugh too loud over there who will finally allow you to blossom like never before all your latent and dormant talents and personality characteristics will flourish with the support and the love and the validation and the connection of this person or the pep-talk will be very different my dear son my dear son the game is over you know what I mean they once asked a woman once said she said before I was married I was incomplete now I'm married and I'm finished and they'll say listen marriage is about giving much more than taking it's not about you it's about the other person it's not about self-actualization it's actually about the ability to put limits on the self and say what would you like my dear it's all about you so good if we will say well hopefully it's both but what is the institution of marriage okay yaza anxious a Vegas Amoy the de Vaca each toy is that Vegas beach day to find his ultimate self-expression or is that vacant each day to tell a person that really it's a moment where you ought to renounce or transcend yourself or negate yourself or go beyond yourself it's not an act of self-expression it's an act of self self negation what is a relationship is the relationship about me actualizing myself it's actually about me concealing myself so it goes back to the first relationship God created the world submitter some alko's a man look he wanted a relationship a mellow smell oh yeah what was that about was it about God expressing himself in this relationship or not for much of history basically till very so who introduced the concept of symptoms of Arizona was not a very prevalent concept even though it's hinted in zoya but I reason was the one who introduced Simpson the reason lived in the late 1500s creation was seen as an act of self-expression God expresses himself in the world in other words in this relationship he's fully expressed Here I am without it I actually wouldn't be expressed I would be concealed one approach another approach to resource approach was in which he's discussing here in the beginning of the mind the concept of symptom which basically means love or for the michaelis paramilitary yet what creation needed more than anything was God to conceal himself in other words the prerequisite for creation was Hashem putting himself at a smother side and telling himself ask not what the world can do for you God asked what you can do for the world because if you would ask what the world can do for you the world if the world is gonna express you you know what its gonna look like little look like you you want the world to look like you you want the world to look like a world you want it to look like a world then you got to go into hiding then you have to speak Miller dad yah then you have to suddenly make clown shows whether we say the other day circuses he or he rakija touch the or it's your infinite energy has to become invested in words that deal with finite reality even if that reality is quite impressive to us so the prerequisite for creation is an act of self an act of self suspension that's a whole different Mahalo now will soon get to Kedar code alter never try to synthesize the two views but we're not there at the moment what does this then mean this means that the prerequisite for a relationship is to be able to suspend myself and tune into the other and that's very significant enough the words before I begin any relationship I first have to ask one question and put I asked this question and the question is what does the world of the other really look like can I create space for you and in that space I create for you I can't be present because if I fill up that space then you can't cuddle that space that's the prerequisite for the relationship just like my creation that came before him expressing himself Hiyori he Rukiya vargem first he has to conceal much more and that is his infinity so in our world that would mean at the beginning of a relationship has to be that I really create an empty space and I say to myself I'm not here I'm actually creating room for your presence and your presence is not about my presence in fact if my presence is fully manifested it may exclude your presence but that little doesn't mean nothing little means on the contrary to be able to do this to be able to do this you think you have to be confident or insecure and secure people don't do this they can't afford this you understand what if you--if you're insecure you'll never be able to do this you know why what do you think huh of course how could you suspend yourself you can't suspend yourself or the other you're gonna lose everything there's nothing there to begin with you're gonna lose that too it's like coming coming coming to an iron man who just got a hundred bucks and say Gib Gib Gib Gib but I just got this I just got this machine abaya I'm gonna give it away I really have something I'll give it away right somebody in the end somebody in the hunger and he gets a little piece of bread he wanted to give it away yes so little of it and he's barely holding on to what he can't give it away losing yourself in God versus finding Islam right similar as well yeah so when the person is in that state it's very difficult for him to renounce himself if you want to go deeper I'm not gonna get to psychoanalytical now but when a person who's very very insecure and hates themselves renounces themselves it's actually it happens but it's not to create space for the other it's in order to validate their existence because the only way they can exist is if they worthless because that's what they told their whole life so really I'm making space for you just to be able to feel that I am doing the right thing so I should be validated because if I'm nothing then I'm a good guy you understand so I'm not even creating space for you I'm desperately trying to hold on to the last element of existence I don't even know that there's a you in addition to that if you want to go yet one step a little more analytical and I don't mean to be anybody's therapist there gods forbid if I don't think I exist so my life is hanging on a branch it's hanging on a branch I always need more it's like if my cup has a hole you could never put enough water into it you understand so I could never afford to create space for you because if there's any space I have to hold on to it I can't afford to create space for you it's just the mental space is not there for me I there's a hole in my remember there's a hole in my cup so I always need more water so when I come home at night only thing I have to hear is how good I am I can't I can't afford anything else because there's a hole in the cup so this must come from wholesomeness so we have to model this source ain't safe is not insecure eight safe is infinite right there's nothing to me it's secure about when you're infinite he chooses to be in a relationship because he chooses to be in a relationship he creates space for the other it comes from a choice because it comes from a choice it's the deepest form of a relationship because it's not trying to validate his nothingness which is basically about himself your toughest what I'm saying this is an important stuff so Bittle is the opposite of being nothing so therefore creation is an act of tremendous self suspension but well now what happens is but the devar hashem naturally goes back to its source yeah shamanic aphasia is low because love work at the Malka mission Tiber millander at the ITER it's an act of self suspension constantly so therefore creation is really about the ability of Hashem to renounce his infinity to be able to invest his infinite energy within finiteness which is basically like a most brilliant brilliant brilliant teacher making clown tricks in order to entertain the kids so God's clown tricks are very impressive but it's like a circus it's called creation and that virus Shem has to be held on to like the oil like the Brazilian agent and that is the Lavoie they ain't covered a litera which holds on to it which as he's going to continue there's three ways in which the early Hashem has held onto which is brusse the entirety of assistive monash of a deborah my son which is turrets talking to Melissa Sodom this class is brought to you by the achieve Annette please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at triple w dot lay you Shiva net slash donate