Yichud Situation - What Can Be Done ? - Rav Yakov Zev Smith

like to welcome everyone to today's from situation what can be done sponsoring 718 851 8651 or email.com over the years we've discussed many subjects regarding but today we're going to talk about a specific Su and that is when a person is in a whether it's comes home and it's just a clean lady at home or question of a babysitter with or at an office once someone's in a situation of what can be done so as we'll see as we proceed there's this is certain there are some questions and I didn't find them so let's work together to try to clarify this one thing is clear that we find no less than three places in so obvious and that's the way pasin and the the beginning of points out the and the and of so how can you find the so as we'll see and this is important to mention regarding a with a cleaning lady Etc that will see only but even so I should mention any biological child grandchild great grandchild is no problem of or a mother grandmother great grandmother or one sister is M if it's not B but anybody else a niece an aunt and other relatives a be so where could we how could we think that there's a because you're stuck in fact as we'll see even a we have to treat as so this is P that the fact that we're not any person together with his mother-in-law not that anybody but this is something we have to understand is just like we don't make I'm going to wear sh this because of this or that we know the ra says that be careful from it brings to the worst of unfortunately we see this but at the end of the day even if there's absolutely no they still the same is with his wife even though they were Beyond suspicion but the embis we have to realize that who knows if we're not we're not in who knows you know the tells us spells it out even if the gives you a thousand gu anes don't worry you have to worry you know that's true but we have to keep it that way I must mention we hear from time to time breaking news terrible news someone was thought to be a very terrible so our first reaction I don't believe it I'm down okay it's very nice but then again when people start to we start hearing testimonies of victims and we start saying I can't believe it what why can't we believe it the tells the tells us doesn't help and when this situation so we have to certainly be in every situation but we have to take this this Isa very seriously but the big challenge of course in is a person's uncomfortable he's together with his again his mother-in-law so what should he do run out he's if he walks out she's going to think you me but that's not a it's an but what's interesting you know we learn the we have to get the message told when I'm together with my daughter watch me that's a ple because the took away the to one's daughter said be careful when I'm together with my my daughter-in-law what worried about a daughter so both the r and the both say the same they did it to teach the don't be embarrassed do the right thing and don't think tells us the story were going on the way and they thought was a situation so said let's get our feet out of he saw in that same place points out if a person sees a situation of and he sees the he'll know what to do you know the says beuda asked ra that's story but two men there's no what you worried about so ra responded yeah but it has to be who said but again and again we have to not just learn the gar but live the G I just saw the other day the Le in the back of the Le there's like stories that the used to say so in he said he heard from the ear the RO of the city of Alisa that this this Ro with his own eyes saw in the Pinkus of the city of Lisa Pinkus was like a a ledger a diary that every St kept you know different stories so this R told who said that this R saw in the the city of of of Lisa that was the ronus of the nas that Theus had a daughter became an am at a young age and then she had she had a daughter grandaughter of the nas who became AUM so the mother and daughter went to the big city to buy the they had some money they were going with a wag drive and the W driver realized where they're going so he made quote a wrong turn and ended up in his own house called a friend and tied them up daughter mother and daughter Lisa's the Lisa of's daughter and granddaughter and made a big fire they're going to throw them into the fire get rid of the evidence and keep all the money but the go the The Wagon driver and his accomplice started finding how to divide the money and just then a soldier came in what's going on here and save their lives that night this all says in the pinkest the Theus came back to his daughter in a dream the was no longer alive say what you do to me I heard what's going on because you were you went with wagon driver and I went to I said how could this happen sorry I went to I said what about no that saved us that saved you so it's interesting that the is something that again is is is there's no head to the fact that nice people and people and certainly you're dealing with but let's be a little more positive be careful with because when a person is that was that brings a tremendous and guess we could add so [Applause] being let's apply this to the more practical so and that's like I mentioned there's no because a person's embarrassed I mean but not we're talking about plus it's as well that the fact that it's my Panos a person that's working and he goes to people's home and sometimes he's together with a woman it's not a het says a person has to willing to give up not to be how much more so the you know there's a whole could probably half hour of a and others discuss if is a question of question about a woman that had to have a baby on chabas had to go with a wagon driver but no went along with her it's but who said is because it could be okay we don't like that but at least we see if it's a question of the for is is inspiring used to say that sometimes sends it into our world and that like that of a just to inspire us sometimes to give us and he picked the mus the story about the girl was once at home and a girl came into the house and he was he suspected maybe it's and the going without thinking jumped out the window not knowing where he's going to end up he an old man at the time so said the sensitivity that had for no I said this story once the and he told me his his mother-in-law during the War years was 14 years old and she once was she jumped out the window on her own and she's ended up in a hospital broke both legs but that saved her life because the Nazis came into the City and for some reason they didn't check the hospitals and she survived the war because she had broken legs jumping from window because of so L said before you jump out the window let me tell you don't have to jump out the window we pass it's not your but the that the people say I'm embarrassed paros but if you really want I could tell you the the fact is has a few things recommendations one of them is a person that's single should not take certain jobs that will bring him to a ma of usually he might have a wife with him but a single person can't do that this Miss is teaching us that there no which quoting the r says that that a person that's in a because of his job find a different job if you can't work it out so now that we have I guess a better appreciation of let us approach the various sh so the most important of the is it's basically two lines but it's really the the that we have to know that but if the husband's in the city there's no if the door is open to the street now in the past we to give a whole share about and a different share about p and we can't repeat it but one thing we do know that there are two independent one will call the husbands in the city and one will refer to as P now I'm going to start first with P soon see in a moment why basically is based on the following assumption if a person happens to be alone in the street with an Isa so is that I mean physically it's no one's there but in the street is not a so the is saying if you open this the front door to the street that's not a it's almost like you're on the street in this situation so this is the of the other heta is an Isa is home alone there's a doorbell rings who's there unle the plum oh she buzzes him in she goes what am I doing a man and a woman is and the front door already locked but if the husband is in the city that said said she's afraid to a in the husband's immediate vicinity and that prevents the so again the practical application the doorbell rings who's there yle the plum so if she if she's married the husband's live working in the city there's no problem let's say the husband's working in New Jersey so she has to say excuse me please leave the front door open now that's a double mil first of all this say she knows that there's no but points out in the end of let's say she knows very well in a situation that the husband is in the city let's talk about in the husband's in the city so she doesn't have to tell him leave the front are open cuz beer she knows there's no but he doesn't know that the doesn't know that and he's walking into a situation that he doesn't knowa and that might be under is it's not really so and a woman has to be on top of things she wants to buzz the fellow in well let's be let's be clear if it's B say please you could come in don't worry my husband's home there's no if it's not she has to tell him leave the front or open so both know there is is not a now I'm going to ask you a question that not academic it's probably the rest of the we have two independent which is a better in your mind you wonder who cares both of them in fact it's the same but I'm tell you something that's going to for the rest of this year because logically is a much better I'll tell you why we are comfortable to say they will not do an a because the husband is close proximity but why is that different than and you're telling me she won't do a because the husband's in the city but if it's a the front door is locked you're relying on why is the front door is open it's not a of but why is that a problem it's it's a with a guarantee why is that better than and and this seems to be the sheet of rashi rashi on that soash holds that is not a it's still awesome the only accomplishment is there's no says it can't be and I think biggest is say and the exact so says rash is not right but what's Rashi has a beautiful stickle on this ra and he says rash that that that so who cares if the B is why is there no so he says beautiful why they shouldn't come to soab the malus we could say if she won't come to the so there's no Mal but you left with them so says we could understand rash held that and even though there's no it's going to be still going to be us so we have understanding of rash but say now why it's it's a with a guarantee there's no there's no real no no action that's it's just two people but here the is a presence it's a it's almost like a door open the fact that the husband is in the city that takes away the mat says that and that's the way okay but now that we understand these two let's proceed to the next case and that's the gor theor then tells a story RBI was eating together with RAB and his wife and they were eating upstairs in an attic those days had a different situ situation they had an upstairs and a downstairs and you went upstairs with an ladder so the three ate together then they finished eating so R and that's the way the can point out had to step out to go so he told his family RAB is upstairs my wife is downstairs it's not really it's two different floors but take away the ladder so can come downstairs so therefore there won't be a problem of what was what was worried about today sh like they were like friendly it was it was a Leo relationship Rabbi and rson Y had a certain relationship now of course we're going to say this clearly I say relationship not in a bad way but as we'll see there was a certain friendship you know it's interesting the word says typically means a friend the tarum on the word re is now I don't know exactly why they were friendly maybe they were related but there was a certain relationship the the ra and what do what do they grew up together this either it's a relationship or they grew up together since they were children now they're is but you know a certain relationship remained you know rash the rash is we find that in now it's very hard to give a definite you know definition of of of of liba gasba but clearly a stepchild or a step sibling a niece that stays in your house for an extended period of time certainly a therapist is a beautiful CH in was asked by the C after the second world war who remarried and his wife had a daughter so it was a stepdaughter so he asked the what about so he says you should know one thing that leave by gospel does not mean something wrong with you because the r felt he was liasa libaas is relationship doesn't have to be bad now again it's very hard you know there's no um Li gasba detector or you know blood test to see if the LI gasba so I looked around I try to find some type of you know Criterion theim he says is a they have more discussion together in in Sim in the end of he says the the parameter of Lia is if they don't if they're they're comfortable enough to ask the other one for a favor typically a man doesn't ask a woman for a favor but if there's a relationship that they do favor one another that is an indication of f he says they talk freely one to the other maybe that's similar to the sh but all agree like I tell you that it's in a bad way but relationship is problematic and we'll soon see the inim says because there is certain amount of there AIG so now that might negate the fact that because there's a closer relationship but be that as it may is a real problem he says from a totally different angle he says typically husband comes home and finds his wife talking to another man it's a so she's scared of doing that there is already relationship so it's not even suspicious so you're the first step to the already began but let's review the app even if a person's Way Beyond the vir but we there is okay so now let's apply this first of all again a person give example he wants to go bring something to his mother-in-law's house no is he allowed to walk into aig's house if might not be a if it's a Le with his mother-in-law so B is not a so you have to make sure that the front door is open we soon see even if that works but again there's no there's no clearcut guidelines but very often son-in-law and a mother-in-law have a certain leasa relationship how about if it's a sopic leoas he has a assistant law he's not sure and now he has to go bring something to the house if Li doesn't help so we could say or maybe you'll argue and say well really it's so it is a you're questioning maybe the doesn't apply maybe but RAB Feld says and he's right that what are you talking about maybe it's a it's a real you have a suff so what he left with that's asked me a question I saw he learned to I guess and he's going to overnight he had to stay by in his brother married brother's house so he was worried it's him his brother and a sister and he was concerned about and how could he stay in his brother's house I said that's very nice you're right if your brother is not in the house he goes to my if you have a problem but here it's not just B it's and that we know is a because as we discussed was last year that there's a but let's say a man is home with the cleaning lady and his wife is there's no it's only that that a woman's scared of a husband's presence but but a man's not scared of his wife being in the city so there's no of but there is a so if Works regarding in that situation says this for sure and this is the because the fact that the husband is there overpowers we had a Shiloh once with two brothers wanted to go do some work in in a third brother's house who was married but pun the brother wasn't home it was just the two two brothers and a sister-in-law who they felt is lead by gasa so p is no but wait a second the Mish says in kadan two men and one is the question is does that negate the of two men so the EMS is in it's not a problem because what's the head of two men one is embarrassing the other one and since they are both is not a does not take away the head of two men because two men is not a so we can't say that because they they do a so also the he says even if it's that means one on one is a problem but two men two two brothers with their sister-in-law even if it's and he has beautiful because the mishna in that speaks about the the various of of of says two men with the various of now wait a second two men with the various Aras right I typically relatives might be by a sister-in-law an aunt maybe and yet the M says two men is two men two men even with next question again is much more and interesting is not as as we' like it to be let's talk about the same situation A man wants to go to his mother-in-law or sister-in-law's house to get an item so he's walking into I but there's no I'll ask you a simple question would it be AA to walk into a sister- law's house and leave the front open in other words is not a by is there a it's not in the goror says there's no how about so will say that if indeed is a major concern like explains is a whatever the case is but if it's a bigger problem so how could it be or maybe wait a minute for us today that's not so convincing because we said said earlier is just a guarantee so then we could say if there's no guarantee but so maybe then even if or maybe equates the two doesn't make any difference right both the same and if it doesn't work for how could it work for but listen listen to this the sequence is and I quote First the says then the says says doesn't work by why didn't put Le after where it belongs should say and then maybe the want to imply that is also even by I why is a story by that was a story so it's unbelievable here we have a simple question is there a of p and the indication of the G seems to be that it's Tak in we could say it's or then again we're going to say what do you mean is a bigger problem but it's not as simple as we'd like it to be because both ra and change the order of the they say is is a the next if it's so we're getting mixed messages thear seems to say it's m and probably the eares we have two is not a evidently is enough to negate even the of he brings a beautiful from the listen to this had a problem with with so what did he what did he do think right question that wasn't he took he took away the ladder why didn't he leave the front open he went to I say who said he held the of I'm sorry who said do they look at who said [Music] they so the fact that he didn't mention the of is that negates both of them so now we have a the is M but we have M and again that is that is awesome so I bet I saw the now this is in the back of the you have to have the whole set of in gim and he is very convinced and this that that is he brings two in that that works even so you have but what I found music that is he says but in it doesn't make sense that it's also and says like we told you before from from from the when you have that's a concept but right now she's in a mo that's a problem so you can't beat even though beer but so what's the problem and then he adds another only works for the woman so we're going to say that the man has maybe the will be done but works for both so why can we say that doesn't work but works for both and that seems to be his Mas that says is not so this is some challenging question Mas they're both the same the Mas from the story that he wasn't that that that he that the fact is that in one Mish the story from seems that it's not a so the on the page and both say that if it's there's not even a of I saw the quot letter that also holds is no of even regarding all say negates both however the t is also on the page theyve C that makes is a valid sorry and says you could be S that's really seems to be the right thing so it's very challenging you know we see he says the end of the day it's because again you have you have to treat it like a suff but the good news if when when applicable the sh Le that I mentioned and the I saw the and another say also that if you leave the front door not just unlocked or jar but if it's wide open that makes it a non and that'll be in a case of a real because that's a real was at that time when you had only one room with but when you have a house of 10 room if you're in a quiet street is questionable from other angles as well a person goes in the back room is not going to work but besides that the whole is is and again these things come up on a daily basis you go to a sist law's house a sh's house any situation of Le where the say it doesn't work shouldn't work so the eight would be you could bring a friend another man you bring your own son you know whatever it is but just to be make with this alone this is something that you have to be very you have to be on top of things to make sure if indeed that's really a if they meet before the they have to realize that's a situation of liasa now of course the fact that the parents or the in-laws are be is certain not a it's only it's only by but to leave the front open is is not right because according to many there's no het of so it's a good idea when being their their home they should not look for I don't think should be it's unhealthy but basically you have to so we're going to say that for even is not a valid what might be a the famous two words like said if you have a which means the the window shade not just window the window shade is open and you're living downstairs and people could see into the the front room where you are that's like the situation of so if you want to be a Lon you could say well a front window that's open the shades open exposed to the street is better than p p someone could walk in here you're on quote on Candid Camera everybody's looking in so maybe is better than okay but again if you ask me that's not a place to be but that's probably a better than just plain a babysitter is very often you can have a girl babysitting a boy over nine or a boy babysitting his niece over three that's regular or but again you might say well but you have to know very often a babysitter is lead by gospel a nephew an aunt whatever the situation is a steady babysitter becomes very close to the children so a babysitter that's Le by GPA there won't be a heta of if she's married and even we just saw so it's very important that parents have to be on top of these things now that you know parents are so devoted to the of the children there has to be the equal Devotion to when girls are babysitters you know we some you send our daughters to babysit in the house we hear stories your hair stands on end you know the a girl from a wonderfully sheltered home was exposed to a home that had the you know she went into a house that internet access was was available and the beginning of the end for for so if we're so you know concerned about everything our children eat the best cash where to send our daughters to to to be babysitters you know this is a a place that is but besides that you're sending him to a fine family but at least make sure that there's no problem of and it's it's an opportunity to daughters that you know this but there no problem because of this whatever it is make sure they know why it's not a problem more importantly you know another situation of liba gasp that shouldn't be but sometimes is is an office a person as a secretary Works him constantly there is constantly back and forth have to be very careful that this should not be a situation of Le gasba can here situation that we hear of of you know daily basis and their interactions and you know the secretary looks the best at all times and and zo on on the ball so to speak it creates a very dangerous unhealthy relationship raim he says we know how the mat is we could say that women shouldn't work for men but that's not practical but there has to be a constant that there shouldn't be a situation that could bring to the worst of is the is the but being careful and again the the that we make that's the best we could [Music] do if we do the best we can we could be hopefully confident that we'll have the the last group of questions regarding a with a or is also a little bit a certain sense let me tell you a simple sh a question the doorbell rings who's there it's a worker a worker a government official a the question is what's the of of woman with a man so so one thing we we got we got a good introduction to this in the says by a even if the wife is with him there's no of in other words a man and a woman husband and wife with with is not a problem of with someone else but here you could have a man with his wife and a woman this regular soash says because she does her Aus he does his Aus you know it's a mutual relationship Live and Let Live leave me alone which is a very horrifying understanding of the relationship now I can't explain this if it's but I do have in is only by with a even if so basically we have this of of but not by is there woman and a man why not because it's aesome even though it's not in a situation a regular situation of a man man woman but no doubt about it the say this and that a woman with I must mention same question the doorbell rings who's there delivery man so besides you have to be careful who you buzz into your house you know's home alone you know is all the problem of P they might coer might convinced but in the world that we live in there's a problem of being Hest Co for that there's no even so we have to mention that people don't realize this woman is is a man comes to the house and makes an advance it could it could it could damage a woman for Lifetime we're talking today that there is no of being Hest is's an upright individual the question is is it the answer is absolutely woman with a man now that is itely a important point to mention we have to rule out number one coercion and besides that there's a problem of now what's the question is let's say the same situation who's there it's the neighbor he wants to fix something he's a guy he's a he's a handyman can she Buzz him in what's her het because the ISA Knows by law her husband is in the city so if Yan the plum comes she could Buzz him in because by now the question is if go handyman comes is there of so it's interesting we would think that this is but it's not so let's let's think there's no of being that we ruled out the only question is if is such a strong deterent maybe Tak M because she knows her husband's in the city she won't be him to be he quotes a number of an impressive list that if there's no of it's only would be however he adds was also that just like we know that a is more of a problem so never allowed a woman to be with a go even if because of the of the the problem of says they're much more worried about killing another person but the but the but the is not so much there's not so much of a sh you can't rely on by so again does quote many I can't say it's it's but no doubt about it the woman buzzing in y is a of buzzing in the work even though she thinks that there's no problem many I'm sure you realize it's not as pit as we would like it to be but this could be on a daily basis and again we have to be careful how about a situation of Le gasba with a GU which really shouldn't happen but if it's Le gasa then you have another problem an impendent problem and that of course for that how about two workers come to deliver furniture and again the is's home along with two gisha workers so we know two men and a woman there's no problem that's but two woman two two men is not is is the same problem one guy is a problem and two is a problem and it's that is should not allow two men that would be a problem of two men that is an so that's a lot better because two men will one will watch the other but two men and one woman that's a problem with this man comes a big problem when they have an old man an old and he has a a male Aid the man is sick but he he gets around so a typical case the man went to M on his own and he left his wife together with the so a man and a woman what's the we have a valid because her husband's close by now if she doesn't we saw some not not make with B Be ear with a go which this case is she's with a go so it's probably a better idea to leave the front door open hopefully even that's not so POS at least you have two them to be if the husband's asleep and the wife is walking around the house and so is the but that's still a of ba IM was right there so even if he sleep she won't do an a the very painful question we discussed this last year but let's say the husband is not lucid and if he sees the worst of he won't know anything about it so again I have to stress it's he's still a man he's still her husband and still a father and a grandfather but it's hard to say that that that if dysfunctional and most has say that again the respect he deserves but he's not has a in the back of he feels that is such a strong deterrent it would work even in this case because you never know but it's definitely I would asking a sh I saw rabash had a tragic sha because it's it's sad to have these typ but an woman her mother remarried her first husband was was the father of this her mother remarried to a so she can't ever visit her mother because her mother is with a so the is being being with a and a mother her mother is not at all a she because she's a married a guy so he have a situation a mother can't see a daughter because the girl the B cha is together with a GU it's a stepfather not a father and a mother's a that's not a she that's the sh we have today next group of questions is AA woman AA clean lady AA Aid so a man with a a cleaning lady a perfect example he comes home unexpectedly his wife didn't know but he had get an afternoon off and it's only him and the cleaning lady so it's a it's and a woman so here is the one case that all agree that's only that's that's now some say that this that's only the is by a a That's not married a that's married would be which is very because there is no isues by a woman so most can say a even if she's married she's not married and that's only the question that I mentioned the husband comes home it's only him and the cleaning lady so even though the wife is there's no what's the only answer he has to walk out of the house you know this is an experiencing kind of she's the boss and not him oh get so can't go into the house is there an that's my question because we just said with a so here you could be not before you could be Al you could say well we have here it's in the most and it's the ear which is not much but this is something that's that's P not but if you want to say you could say well even here it's a they're abant at the most don't forget because when the go so if you leave the door wide open you're certainly better off but even if not question the go the clean lady is married so the question is is there of the is that's a new one she has a husband let's say she has a marriage that lasts is there so here this doesn't sound right at all put it very clearly she does her a he does his a so there's no of being with a what's what not Mish is maybe even if there won't be a cuz we said before that if you have man with woman and doesn't work but here I did see a number of Pim it's based on earlier Pim that a had a certain fear from a husband so if the the husband's in the city that's no het whatsoever but a woman who B IM with there he helps her clean and then the man walks into the house so that would be a of is of the the of this is okay so that's don't forget because we said woman cannot walk into a house with his a and his wife I'll give you an interesting example let's say a young couple is looking for a house all neighbors today in in in Lakewood and and in Lind all these place that you buy homes so the husband say you know what maybe the not a gay at all you go check out the house and if it's a good idea give me a call I'll come running over she's not allowed to go into a g house even though the husband and wife are both there why that's a very the only so only would be if the man goes you check it out first if you like it call the wife because there a better that's only a man with a great and then by of the is be now this is a question I must mention of a shouldn't be but if you have a steady that might also be a problem of of gasa I mean again you have to find better gasas but if that's the case then you have to you know be on top of that as well now laa someone asked me about hiring a cleaning lady which is better hiring a cleaning lady or a cleaning lady so the EM is first of all we always must mention this whenever we can if yish woman wants a job you give her a job you have a Mitzvah also with a yish woman if she's married is they have to the flip side of course is that you have to be more careful with because with woman if with woman it's at most buta the that concept of should be highlighted now it's hard to find a woman that do cleaning but any situation now we we also had this question where a is Le which is very often the case you have to keep that in mind that that complicates matters further two more question I wanted to mention a someone had the sh and again every day on a daily basis he went home during lunch and the clean lady was was always there and his parents were not there so he told me what he did was he opened the door and told don't close the door until I get to my room and I got to his room he locked the door to his room that's not a het I mean the P was a good but not when he when he went to his room she closed the door and he was so he locked the door to his room but all the PO say that that's not because as easy as he locked the door he can open the door so that's just a you know L the might be that's that would be a valid but beyond that there's not a lock himself into the room and the last question which is extremely important of neg to almost all of our sh let's say you have to go to bring your mother-in-law sister-in-law aunt whatever a situation you have to just bring something in into a situation of in other words is not an you want to bring something to your mother-in-law's house sister's house aunt's house but you make the following I'm going in and out I'm going to go at lightning speed I'm going to put it down be out the door in 12 seconds that's much less than even the biggest some say 3 minutes five minutes okay someone make M half a minute but I'm not in the house even a half a minute so maybe it's not it's not at all and you'll be alarmed and you'll say I found the ri to this because the discussed the very common question of an elevator you press the button you go on and there's a woman there so almost by all situations you never stay in you could could never stay in the elevator the unless you have one of these fancy big apartment build big buildings but if you can't stay the sh of it's Tak so here the L one running and out of the house I'll be less than even the smaller share of but that's a because in an elevator where you can't stay on your own in a that's but here you're in a you can stay as long as you want the fact that you run out that makes it so so you have to find one of other talk to you for today know oh my for spee amen even though over here but there's no everyone's welcome to stay for the Seeker I don't want to stay okay we learned today is almost all situation the but it's also the even if there's no but it's an like any other is could be even According to some but because of you're embarrassed or you're not worried or beer I should mention we gave a share by each one individually so it's available I'm sure offer to the who needs it but that we didn't do the details but basically each one is a both even though and we're not going with is more but is enough of a we do find that Li takes away the of what does Mea there's some type of relationship not in a bad way but there's a certain Reus perhaps a certain free way of talking that would ask one favors one from the other but liba gaspa definitely negates the of ba is treated like a a when you have a situation of in other words could stay in his brother's house with his even though because that's two man with also is a subject of and as we said we should treat it like a suff if the door is wide open then even that's notle should never be in situation they shouldn't rely on but it's not a healthy situation A babysit can be but there's no het if if in a situation which won't be a person comes home and he finds him should not go into the house until he knows if there's a an office needs a lot of to keep the and the only is making a secretary should never be there should be a certain distinct you know difference between liasa and a business needed relationship a go is there never had being a woman with a GU even if the GU wife is you want to look and woman wants to look at a house that a is selling they won't be if the even if the wife is there by a the only when there is a being with a guy when there of of course that otherwise it's a dangerous situation the is a as we said two men and a a is also m a male Aid when the when the husband went to SCH the wife the male Aid if it's B if the man is not Lucid he doesn't know what's going on it's a that there's no because he's there we said a tragic story where a mother remarried a and then the basua can't even go visit the mother even when the husband is home woman is one case that's only even if she's married there is no het by woman that's for sure maybe you could be make in a situation when it's an and basically we said with a woman there's more it's easier situation with a woman if it's question of hiring a worker woman with the right is a better