REVERING PARENTS – HOW, WHEN & WHEN NOT - Rabbi Zev Smith

a challenging subject when a child is Young when he's born certainly he gets even a loader the parents are serving him and of course he doesn't have any idea about keep it off and he gets older hopefully he learns Toyota but does he have enough time to help us keep it up to know what to do but who has time for that especially in the world we live in it's the me generation everything's about me there's very little room in someone's heart expecting others keep it off of aim you know we used to say for a joke that in America the foreign it seemed in his time he had the same problem that people think the mid system respect your children so the only eight is to learn the sugya properly and today we're going to focus on one part of keep it up keep it up is a big sugya but that is the midst of Moira of her aim as we'll see in that keyboard of doing things but what not to do now let me explain as we know that the keep it up has a very prominent place in the tari akadasha it's one of the aceres adibras both in parishes yesterday and later in and that alone it's in the series Hadith speaks volumes of how important keeper of aim really is what does it mean keep it off for Aim so base explains a is a keyboard Michael masks Almighty bring them take them keyboard is actually doing things that show covet and love okay but there's a third place that the terrorist speaks about keep it up that's in parishes a different word not Kiba this is Moira Europe what does that mean so the same Gamora is a Moira like Ahmad a child should not stand in his father's place in his father's place don't contradict which will soon see what that means but it's basically all lies in other words keyboard is all dues Moira seems to be the don'ts so what would we how would we classify the midst of Kiba of Moira of aim as a license say right keyboard is an assay and mother's Eliza say if you look in the morning hand Mitzvahs the rambam safe amidst this race you wouldn't raise should olive and gimmel and mitza raised youth base they both agav both consider keyboard and Mario has two separate myths which it is of course but both consider Moira as an assay what makes it an essay if it seems to be what not to do but I think the excite of today is that the the Mitzvah of Moira is an attitude and we had to choose one lotion I would choose the Rama and say if I miss his race should I live and that is to treat them like someone you're scared of him and to live with them like like a person that you're you're frightened from and that's ish email to put it very simply a child has to learn that his father is a king and as they create him in peric tests points out and the mother's a Queen by the way I should mention today we're talking about keep it off but there's no difference keep it up or keyboard aim to say mitsu there's no different Boys sons or daughters but where the gray them says the Mitzvah is no a king is scared of this is and now you can appreciate a little more about the Gambar says and more makes it a remarkable statement there's a connection here when you asked when you have mother for a parent it's like having but in this gamara there's something even more extraordinary because points out foreign and as you know the famous guitar every s until he came this is and here we see the answer it's incredible regarding keyboard a person has to learn to see his parent his father as a king and his mother as a queen or maybe maybe more than that and why isn't spoiled gamara says when he would hear his mother's footsteps Alma he would say Asia I have to stand up because the sin is coming I don't know if reviews mother was like the heintic women that some of them are great uh you know lame de Torah I think his mother was a because unfortunately we hear sometimes the Shyla a pair of books his parents are a bit abusive domineering he can't deal with them what should he do I always say I enraged memo and that's that says it all foreign and this was learned from the story of drama benicina Ben lovers he was wearing his Royal garments the yoshibarisha call his mom is sitting open on he is a very very prominent image the Taurus garments hit him over the head for good measure they splitted him you know a new expression of you know they destroyed his clothing that's timara's story about dama benicina imagine a guy without a toy without a Sarasota debris understood on his own that is he subjected to the worst humiliation you keep quiet but the Mahaba does a great service and he adds a few words of the rambam so how do you do it yes that's the secret if you see it as an abusive parent you don't know what to do if you see it as a sticker you keep your mouth closed how do I do it I don't know but I'm gonna do it a girl you got this hook and who's so basically to review what we learned keep it up is an actions Meyer is also is an inactions Taco but it's an assay you know what the assay is to see the Moira to see the sticks it's an attitude of seeing the father as a king and the mother as a queen now that we have the the basic Foundation let us apply this to mice so first of all the first Allah what does that mean you shouldn't stand in his place so Rashi learns besidesa in other words the father is a prominent person and when they have meetings and those days they stood by the meetings so the father has his Corner his place of prominence the sun is not allowed to sit in that place is you know what the problem is hey you're not your father you're the son he's the mother why are you standing in the mailbox place and again an American society it is hard to accept what am I doing wrong I'm standing in his place he's not even here but if a father is a king you don't stand in his place now this shot of course is limited only when the father has a place we have maesheva when he has a meeting but the tour quoting the Rama has another shot his place is not your place so you can't if he has a place at home to stand which is not so common much more common as a place than Miss Maggie sits in the corner everyone like me but he sits in the front he's a Rob don't stand in his place but even he stands in the back by the pillar in the corner he has this place oh that's uh yasu's corner don't go there how do we pass in we have two different shots him and see base quotes like both shot them because not a stereo don't stand in a special place where he has meetings and even in a place at home wherein should don't stand in his place why again because that's your father's place that's enough I don't need any more hezboah even if it's not a hash of a father another place but that's your father's place now what's interesting is the base the Taz let's see if cotton Bays says even if no one's there at the time the file is not there or bigger there's no meeting going on it's just an empty place but that's my game of it although some are Michael and they say if if there's no meeting going on it's not his place but in safer in invest in in base or his base even if it's like the fun of his awesome we treat it as a swag and don't forget a child and keep it off invariably the suffering you know we had once a child a father was a magachir and typically he stood by the place where the magnitude stands and he had to go away for a few days and he asked his son to take over and the sons Christian in his father's place this is his father's place in the in the basement I just when he gives a share so the truth is that that's um very very obviously and I must say that the box says I might be becoming a base of Kinesis is worse because it's baraben he's filling his father's place that's maybe improper so the embassad of son if he would ask me I would say move the standard to the side besides giving a share about that he's doing he's also giving a shared Unforgettable share about he'll just keep it off he's showing people that he doesn't think his father's place now how much do you have to move over I don't know his availability you have to move out of the dalaramus but could be here it's not totally in dalarama it's just showing that a reference to the place I'm moving over so I don't think Italian dalaram is but definitely the best thing would be to move to the side now if he really want to stand in that place whatever the reason is no other place maybe you can't move so if you ask the father will soon now I saw an interesting Hector it is interesting the way of looking at it it's not the father's place it's the magu cheers Place happens to me for the past 35 years but it's so far it's not Divine so if he's the market share he sits there no maybe if you like that so far fine but interesting I saw it there it's all the good place can discuss if with a duck and every day so and the father has a place that he stands for can the sun stand in that place that's awesome come on like you know relax don't get too nervous but for the police game it's a suffering their eyes so the embassies write the Box understanding that in school it's worse of a bazillion because it's known if indeed the father is a kind everyday Durkins in that particular Corner why is the sun water to stand there okay now the mice you could say maybe there's no hallo is I'm in a basement you have your place you even bought your seat is a place that it's his no one can ever go there you know it depends how you feel about it but definitely the sun should avoid standing in his father's place if the father wants him to be there when he's not there no so again as we said that's certainly right no sir the son should ask will soon see you you could be you could assume but it's something that if we have to take it seriously you know we ask shylus about men hogim and coskin about this now the next is probably Monica and that is don't sit in the place that's Majorca for the father where he sits at home now again this is interesting because although it's home and it's not it's still a problem Cole's game sitting in the father's seat and base madrish his and that's passion why you know that's your father's place would you sit in a behind me seat when he was uh there or not there but it's his place but obviously in the show is even more positive even Bassy and called skating soon the task spells out even if the father doesn't want to sit there or he's not even the ambitious this is his place now I once had an interesting child I had Stark enough from the years it was a family Sim that was a small Chevy blockers at home and they asked the son to speak and their father moved to the side from the head table and he was standing in his father's place where the father sits in other words it's not his father's place in the basement he's standing to speak in his father's place where he sits so that happens to be a shark and the shark is so to stand in the place where the father stands the problem to sit with the fathers it's a problem but to stand and speak with the father sits no that's okay but it's inspiring every detail is accounted for because they're Isom next question points out and see if tests that this allowed after the father if the mother hasn't welcome the daughter cannot sit in them says but he says typically women don't have and maybe even at home maybe they don't have because they're busy in the kitchen but you know that's one place I think the mothers would like the children to take over the place you go in the kitchen do the work let me sit down but that's the key that's taka keep it up but no doubt about it if the mother has a place by the table or in Nevada for the daughter to sit in that place is the same is a book asked me just the other day can is does he is Supply to his to a father's seat in the kitchen Dinette I asked him innocently well how many how many seats are maybe it's only one or two seats so it's the families he goes no no there's eight chairs in the dinette I said why do I sit in your father's seat I thought maybe I'll need a dining room you know people don't think you know they don't realize this that they're isil it's not a tally in in in in in manners or and meet this this is their eyes well we hear all the time and you see Also let's say the rabbi the Rob the parent has a special armchair so to sit in his place is a problem even in a regular chip but I want I don't need the place I need the chair you know there's a special especially Yeshiva sit in the rashiva's chair but you're from so you move the chair to the side so there's an Issa of sitting in his place isn't it sitting in his special chair so inspire you might say that that's the throne why are you sitting in the King's throne and the Emma says it's not so far from the truth they say when he was there he passed he was born the grain was lift up he was like a man of the going that's how big he was end up sucking the end of Simmons he has the shadow of the father has a special can the sun wear that malbush and he says a dolphin Islam he says the sun can't stand in the Father's Place Coast gained the father's Malibus because the Malibu considered quite ID Mark says he called his bag at quaidi a bag it is always referred to as the covet of the person so he owes taking the father's malbush is awesome no so how about the seat and the tube is regarding a rabbi's chair he says if it's knicker by the way it's built then it's a special fancy chair the talmud cannot sit at even rabbi so there are two denim there's a place and there's also the chair which is if it's where I found but that's the place can say can a child either sleep or sit in the parents bed now of course the parents bedrooms should be off limits but let's say whatever the reason is sleeping or sitting in the parents bedroom so the lawyers in Paris and again later in parishes yes right says that there's an Issa on under our parents bed in fact he said that was the cut of ruvain that he said he slept on his father's bed but what should I tell you it's I mean beside the mice is understandable and that's the king's bed but the Heine ticket police came I mean quoted in a classic safe he says the bed is not a place of covered and the embassies the Raya he doesn't bring this right but maybe the right is that the God doesn't speak about bed doesn't say about beds so although the ma'am lawyer is clearly asks it but this we find what to be Michael that's not a mocking of covet he also says our govern that same safer then lets you take the father's cheer and you want to climb up to get something from the high cabinet and the father shares the closest so you slap the father's chair to climb up and to get something so although you don't climb on a throne but they say it's not a a Yeshiva or a amida of coverage standing on the chair but I always say don't forget to wipe the Cherry afterwards otherwise you will come up obviously seeking you leave a dirty chair to us it's down that's a magic and that's no good another point I wanted to mention I think a little confusion and that let's say the parents come for Shabbos to the children now I got I should always say this a child invites the parents for Shabbos to their eyes of keyboard parents you have both parents they're double midship the question is who sits by me Baruch who sits at the head table so to me what's the child is his father in your house it was like an embassy you don't have to remember I even heard that you're not supposed to now what is this mysterious he says that there are times when the father is old it seemed like the father is old and there's no mother even and the father moves into the son's house and the minute he writes people have this the the sun sitting at the head table and the father on the side how could that be he says because it's it's partially it's Logistics because typically the Russia bias let's see in this case the sun sits in the head and his wife sits next to him if their father says they had table so it's not sneezing The Father's Day her table and his daughter-in-law is sitting on the side that's not good so let everybody keep their regular seeds to follow sit in a different seat maybe there's no mother and only because it's snares issue so I have a better idea let the son let the father sit at the head table let the mother sit on the side very nice sneeze and the son and his wife will sit together wherever they want to sit that that should be done and I always say keep it off needs and the best as we always say is not just do as I say do as I do a child that sees when when when when his parents parents come for Shabbos the world stops and his parents are busy with the grandparents on the side he's growing up with a a big question mark on the whole keep it up so it's a it's a proven fact that the keyboard that we show to our parents goes over to the children is a wonderful opportunity to be bottle the way it's supposed to be this is a talmud should not sit next to his Webby which is understandable you don't sit next to a godla door's next to your parents but the problem is the Mr Brewer quotes the hayada um that since the reason is you are gaiva so is Optimus don't sit next to your father in short now this is a problem because typically we all have father coming and children flanked on both sides of him So La Mesa the problem is that it's understandable is it right that the father sits next to us or Sonic says their father are you on the same page but we do this we want to watch our children and basically that's not just makila that's with Chinese the father wants to have and come to shoot with his children on both sides of him so it's not just that's keep it off your father wants you sit there sit there don't sit in the back because you know what happens in the back he ends up not dabbing him but another hat then you decided to take a hat that there are more there says that when is this is Supply when the seats are given out based on hashivas and it should used to be you know not simple buy a seat you got a seat see this you know so it's like it's like a big event like I see in my shots so you don't just sit down next to you know the godla door or your or the rob you know you go to your seat so then it was an appropriate son next to the father but there are more and his times where he says but but today that seats are sold you buy a line of seeds it's yours it's not hashivas so there's no problem sitting next to the Rob if that's where the seat that you bought so this is rather than some yeshivists sits in the back on the side whatever and the boy stick I sit next to the rub next to the rabbi next to the Nile Terraces if that's the way his seating is so you know leave it but that's definitely true regarding a child sitting next to the parents again Mr Brewer says it should not be done but the minute is today not only we do it but it should be done so the children get the necessary you see this where a rabbit sits by Tish the sun sits next to him obviously that's the keyboard that he wants to have but what's interesting and it's worth mentioning the base Joseph he added some notes printed and together in the base your eyes and I was Simon he quotes to sit next to your father even not in davening his Riya is from a famous story when Seoul was sitting in the front and it was next to him David and then was your innocent so Rashi says because a father doesn't the sun is next to the father there was always someone in between any place is disrespectful you're not on his page and here he's right says we know we never saw this and it's not done maybe it's only a king is different but we do see a father comes it's next to the son's next to the father and again as we said because that's the way the father wants he wants us next to his son now I use this because and at first at first it bothered me a little bit you know by the head table by the the Hassan sits in the middle and they say oh yeah Ben sit next to the house I wanted my father my sweater to sit there and then box somebody listen to me nope but it's not done in many places so then my one of my my my last son got married say married the ain't the color of hello David so I tried the same thing I said they sit next to the husband he goes no no the seat next to the castle is for the Hassan's father and I'm the grandfather I'm next to that you sit and you're sitting I sit in my seat so I guess he understood it's like you know it's not disrespectful it's like you know do you tell this Aida to March the sun down to the hopper it's a father's job so I think either way is good I would try to work it my way but here I couldn't fight with him so I definitely you know deferred but if if the if the zaida is willing to sit next to the husband that's a beautiful covet and the father was the next method gonna happen the sun doesn't have to be watched so if you could do more coverage you give and don't forget to unfortunately keep it up it's not forever whenever you can this is basically the the concept of hashiva's of sitting and again as long as you can this is the way to do it now we had an interesting Shiloh which is rather tuna's let's say there's only one seat and the father's not there could the sun sit in the seat you're wondering what one seed what is this a family I only have one chair I'll give you two examples let's say a father and son work in a store and it's one seat behind the counter and typically the father sits there and the son is uh goes around comes in whatever but now the fire's not there could the sun's in the father's chair or more common someone asked me this I'm not joking his father's card his father always drives and he wants to drive a car once in a while the drivers hit his father's seat that doesn't sound right it sounds more modern but the Terrace is Passion it is only one seat then it's talking not the father seed it's the store keeper seat or it's the driver's seat you know it's hard to say the father's Castle it's the father's seat is to drive and I typically the father is typically the driver but it's hard to ask her that you can't go on your father's car Tara says we're going to look at that as the driver's seat or the you know store keeper seat if all is not there of course you don't like make the father stand but if I was out there anyhow you could take his place a good question that needs a good answer there's a base higher and the father is one of the rap on them and he has to be out of town for a few days he wants his son to fill his place so this is a real welcome cover and a welcome of shivas it's almost like the mark of my ship but Lamesa the sun find a different seat of other that's better but if the father wants him to sit there or he knows the father wants him to sit there maybe if I cared the father wants to shall evict the son that he's a worthy then either album the father wants with Sonia I always wondered about this and that is let's say after the father passes away especially if a rough passes away should can and should the sun immediately fill that place and sit in the Father's Place so if the Emma says it's not so postured as it seems because we have an alarm that keep it up is an eternal Mitzvah that lasts forever the mission keep it up not just when parents are alive explains and today we have many ways of doing that saying Cottage yard site but no doubt about it as the Iran the difference that is that there's no difference living or a deceased parent both are the rights of keep it off and there are the beautiful piece of parallelogram it's a test has a whole list of a place where I say that keep it up as an eternal Mitzvah and that's why don't call the father by his name is you can't say my father does it had a minute that's wrong there could be this of their eyes now whenever I say to some people ask but wait wait a minute but I named my child after my father so I can't call my child of it there's no no your child you'll have to call David but don't say my father daughter did this and that that's wrong it's still your father so here's the question since the Mahaba says it's not not call your father name by but he's alive and afterwards maybe who had in the city's place is before and afterwards now however I buy his aim across by his name is first of all I buy his name is swara that if Devon is no longer alive so he doesn't have a seat it's not a seat so it's not a city what's wrong his name is Phil's name you still you still called up Ben David you still uh you know you still make a Kardashian for the summer of so and so but what's even more striking this lotion I told you I created base the beginning of sea Bays talks about not to sit in his place it doesn't say anything about only regarding names I say this Washington I think this is like I told you because a place is no longer his place it's even less than shall I be fun of it's but a name is a name and I was very happy when I learned this time I found that there is just passed away during Shiva Supreme was basically uh still hiding in his little Winkler but during the Shiva he sat in his father's place it doesn't say where but as far as and someone whispered to someone else what's behind doing so he heard it and he's very very shot his answer the Posse explains not only allowed to but it's a keeper of the father sees that this is it from his mark on him that is a successor so the answer is that true even the basic nurses foreign place he's replacing his father as the forever whatever it may be now bare Mr twice my favorite of sitting in his place so you're wondering what's the child don't we know the good morning but but look again you'll see it's not so passionate because there's no doubt about it why is so on a simple level it is the Father's prerogative It's My covet I'm giving it up so it's mine I'm giving it up could be a little more uh long this maybe that if a father's mother so you want you want to give me a cup of tea don't bother I enjoy better watching you so as if he got the keyboard but let's say when these Stars don't apply and I'll give you an example let's say a person's revises father I still remember when I was a child it was Imam she was traumatic to me at the time some are now enabled I lived in a very handsome neighborhood the little kid five-year-old called his father Ari that's his father's name I said what is this and now a family we like to be close so we called the father by his first name the she going right that's an Issa of of bizarion and the reverse because even though office but this doesn't help it's positive the and both as far as on the Fly you can't say it was cabalty and and It's my prerogative so we see two extremes now we ask an intelligent question how do you fit in Moira is Mario like like keyboard or is Mario like Brazilian that's a good question because it's not regular keyboard you can't say it kills and taka's sum hold that Moira does not help both say and others said also that Moira is not as severe as bizarian and and taka for Moira sitting in his place standing in his place and as soon as he says devara Dominic is to be Michael and Michaela does help and it's attacker I want to mention that Michaela helps but the Sun that has Seiko should know that even if the father is Michael but if you do it there's a Mitzvah you know we might think of the followers Michael says but the fact that makila helps up to advise only is that the sons that punished he doesn't do it but but it is it's a tricky thing you know we think so why bother doing it no it's the same Islam but the father is and why do I stress this because to me it's it's a positive there's a Precious Precious part of keep it up and that's the midst of standing up for parents stood up for his mother and says it it's a midst of the rise of the holidays why is this mitsu neglected in our times my parents okay but you're a smart person you know people afraid if I stand with my parents they can think of they get suspicious you know what do you need you need some money what do you need I give you money God to stand up you know as I tell them stand up a few times and they'll see you legitimate and they won't worry you know blame it me and me I tell the bahren but it's something that really it's it's it's something that's really the American you know mentality got into our minds and it's wrong you know I once asked for a problem when my children are getting older they stood off me I I was very uncomfortable about it because why are you uncomfortable the terrorist has to do it it's a Mitzvah why are you comfortable you know what are we smarter than to tell you you know it's it's something that that the details are scoffer is our way of life so it's not the parents shouldn't feel uncomfortable and the son should be smart after captain an important attitude I also you know when you see this is where Malaysia again it almost caught me by surprise but his sons became 20 years old and yes Father what should I do I'm becoming 20 by ownership you know he wanted his father to give him some inside you know inside information about what's most important in life so Maisha writes one of the main things he writes is being benezar and keyboard aim he knows he didn't say keep it of aim not about himself he says because it's very hard for people to do it right because you're used to it when you're young to ignore parents so be very careful I guess you wanted to make a point you have a mother take advantage again each keyboard each Moira is admitted their eyes so basically this how you saw it is that the toy knows better and I saw this in the Khazana as well the kazination which is not for now but he says that maybe more that the father was Michael let me stop it to say that ain't right you lost his King he's talking to the parents and they're obey him it's not a good idea to Michael children on a regular basis now later in our base he explains what he means we find that it's not even on a regular basis occasionally yeah but not a regular basis why I think the star is positive the Tyrant says and you say you know I think things should be different you know why do you think he's smarter Tire Terry says cabbage cabbage look occasionally if you have a difficult child but basically we follow the Tyrant and that's our samakaya and I'll give you another muscle the you know I'm tough I am base Thief hey foreign and it's not true the the the shark was talking by a myths by the the was talking by a Mitzvah of a saber then who give the Shaq the right to extend that to any situation maybe only by Mitzvah Daniel Michael was sensitive don't you know live a life of makilam that's basically part one part two in a certain things a little more challenging and that's like Devora a simple example the father makes a statement and the son who thinks like American boys not only I am smarter than my father but I'm even older as some say so he knows better no no I think it's different why are you acting with the King why are you arguing with the bunnies so definitely we don't argue with parents the same as with a mother as possible but he says regarding the Israel the parents even buramisa a facial gesture is also an Issa something and the sun makes uh makes fun of his you know ish reactions that's that's that's uh the question the big question is what does that include what is including the issafzai is it melee the alma is it is it both is it one of them so this is tricky because we're talking about a son that has learned with his father he can't argue with his father Miller's Alma is that important enough it should be awesome so in the gemara there's no mention of what Lois maybe includes both rashiya he spells out when he's learning with the father entire series he learns that he only is is by Torah and that means the alma foreign you know you can't just agree if it's wrong you have to speak up meaning the alma was what do you have to argue you know just just oh just Let It Go by leave a go but La Mesa most place can hold that it goes on both merely the alma and toyra the Magna in caduceus I what was the ice of justification so it's positive gimbal says his father made a mistake he didn't know he wasn't supposed to know he didn't know who which was bukhar and of course there's more posted his father was blind couldn't see in other words a mistake that the father is saying you're making a mistake because you're not smart enough that's disrespectful if he doesn't know him would see yourself you just tell him it's he is but the problem the pillar is that we find throughout chess I saw Allah of the bearish Evans and is Molly I'll call is overflowing with situations that that a talmud argued to the Webbie and her father argues with the son a son args with the father Rabbi I'm assumingham Leo he argued on his father and his will be the same uh the Tor we know the tour of his rushed sometime on his father the rush sometimes and if you look there's a whole list of places that Arabia that tamilrock is on his rabbi I keep it off once they had to argument or a father and for care the rebbe is more of a of a claimer it's Clara from the Gamora that entire there's no Issa argument on your father or rampy but one of his rise is astonishing in kaduation still keep it up that when they learn they are like enemies they're out to get each other but the besides that I have I have been Bashar Lipsy NASA I have himself there and then I have him so the camera gives it two examples that when they're learning they're out you know they're fighting but they end up okay so Frank de Percival how could you say you can argue on your Rabbi or your father so he writes if I'm not arguing against the whole world which I am I would like to say the following in other words he knows that he's a lone voice in learning you have to speak up tire is not hefka and as he puts it is encoding a lotion of a rush Taurus you can Overlook an injustice entire so now we have a problem the police can say you can argue and their assassins so how do we see how do we explain this so on a simple level arguing wrong but being the foul Paul saklavitaria the father wants that forget he doesn't have an opinion not being slice of the bar of yet let's learn this to get together and that would explain Digger Morris get learning together if there was an eye hold it's awesome and I hold his mother oh be careful but figuring out of pill post occupataria and taco is Father and Son it's beautiful to watch you can't argue you're not gonna get anywhere the second Relic is that if the sun brings a Raya so he's not arguing on the father as the priests if cotton gimbal says it's not the son that's arguing it's the right that's arguing the father's looking at the heaven goes oh it's a very secret mother can they give me oh then I'm bottled dieting okay this is the earliest Source the true sedation and base he says when the rabbi when the Tama sees the rebbe made a mistake what should he do he says just bring Uriah and show the rebi the Ryan you're not arguing and he has a and BMS this would explain why many times we see that that the tour argued on his father there's another Hatter and that's obvious if the father wants to hear the son's opinion so with science I want to hear it I wanted to come to the MS some say shall I be fun of is also Muslim don't forget we saw a poison like the fun of his mother and the Taz who holds July Buffon by sitting his answer he says by learning his mother and the Raya is on his father of some hold it might be sad to be maker now the mice in Chicago it's very tricky hold is there is so regarding he says he just might stand is the fun of going on both it's not so positive is now what's probably more motor is again like we said it's not just but he's not in this world even though it's his opinion but it's definitely more mood than the shark and race membrane the underscotton gimbal points out that by rebby also should I be fun of his mother to have a few atarium children on fathers basically either pilpal or Araya or should I did see this has evolved the end of says but to write against your father that's worse than she like before enough I guess the shot is because it's printed all over and they say you know you are going to father but the other term do apply if you have a riot or the father wanted to hear you up yoshita then an economy decide to be makeup the best aids is to ask the father for permission can I say something differently once you have mahila Avada Avada we once had a child a father was writing a safer and he asked his son to proofread it find mistakes you know what are you doing to him so I told him you know it's interesting a mistake for the father is you know when they printed The Villages they paid people to find mistakes because you know you correct something now better than later so the father wants that but I don't use don't say I found 35 mistakes that you made let's say I think there's something wrong with this the printing error you know pointed out in a respectful way not you made so many mistakes I'll give you a more tricky question the father's about coira and the son has a sharp ear and he finds his mistakes so the river is cotton gimmel says that with China he doesn't want to make mistakes so you're allowed to call out but like says don't scream out you know try to like whisper you know that he should hear my Society is a true story a son stayed up a whole night that was sick and it went to sleep and the father came with the davening and his father's ready nine o'clock the boy's sleeping and he gave him a whole Russia and the son was listening quietly in bed with pajamas but he didn't do anything wrong it went asleep two hours ago can he speak up and defend himself so the embassy is that that sounds like so I should divide but you could do it in a way that's not so you said devara you could say can I can I explain you know can I could I you know don't say can I defend myself but then you're making a war out of it but can I explain hopefully the father will accept that yes that better listen and then you could speak up because when beneath God made ruin gave their idea what to do Maisha gave them Muslim and then they said no no we meant we're gonna go fight and then go back to over Avaya then why they speak up right away because you know what let him finish and then you could say your own point you know not defend yourself the wrong word you're allowed to explain your actions but let me tell you I must say tell you this this is this that that they were witness to this story The stapler was once he had a daughter and she lived together with the Sky Club and she once mentioned the stipend casually that crime has a very bad backache and Mom is terrible snipers really and he ran up hayem's house And subscribe how he feelings it's perfect how are you feeling perfect had a remedy for a bad backache try and lay down I'm going to smell you with Chairman's eyes today you don't go to coil because it's not good for your back it's gonna it's gonna get worse feels good he treated his father his son he comes home and he told and the reputation where'd you go remember to take care of his backache no I meant my Adam clothed my brother runs back to khaims house and what do you think about what do you think of crime heevski was laying on his back Miss kylo with this olive oil you know roasting his back he didn't say a word now you hear that and you know what what it means that you know like the a can become a why do I say this because we have another question a tricky question a very challenging question when a father and son work together typically they're in the business together you know it's it's a wonderful thing that you can work together but be careful the son should be careful so I said Devore takes on a new meaning now of course the parent wants to hear the son's opinion but even so say it with great their Heritage don't forget the shrine and the parent when the parent is doing something wrong so we all know the Gamora and could do Salama base you can't say yeah you're not allowed to do that so you have to make a whole spiel I I learned in Mr bura that you're now allowed to take out the the pits from the from the watermelon because it's Byron or something like that and that's capacity right there see if you're outlive I saw another eight you could say I didn't know which motor to do that now here this is a big plea which and the logistics is it always bothered me the father and if this is an ongoing Avila if you make a hint That's So Perfect the father doesn't have and the father does the Avera so the sun didn't have blood you can't let this crime go on so territory you have to make a hint that the father will trap right away so what are you gaining you can't say don't do that say I learned Mr bird that this is awesome what are you gaining parrot says you're gaining the realization that that's your king and you can't tell the king what to do so you have to make I would call like a Shino he almost like a Shino you know make a game I learned once that there's a problem but don't directly say the father's wrong you know it's just it's it's just distancing yourself from a lack of covet so I'll give it a much like a shinley you do it the same thing but the shin is okay but at the end of the day has to be done effectively but respectively both are true now of course a father or mother the same Allah people think with the mother like tell her what to do because you see if she didn't either but she doesn't know better tell her with great respect and Cloud you would see if your doubt it says when a parent talk to her the child has to stop it in fact he quotes a frightening ton of the battle yo when the father when a child sees their parents English doesn't say something about it so it's a sensitive issue an approach with great caution but I always found inspiring is so on a simple level Rashi teaches if the father has a machlaikis with someone else don't say near Us near and every Pliny because you're siding with the other person not your father very nice in fact all the we shine him but it's too passionate so that's so why is different so the most we show him explain that here it is means don't agree with your father now let me be clear you know children say what's wrong I finally agree I agree what should I do doesn't mean that it means the father says a a statement and you say tati I agree to you good that's disrespectful because if he says you don't say yeah I agree who are you a son has to see the father like him don't contradict don't agree a king doesn't need your agreement and that's the symptoms in fact I once had a Shyla I thought of Asylum a father makes a speech can the son says I enjoyed the speech very much is that the the theriya the answer is agreeing and enjoying the father very much wants to hear that his speech was well received the point is agreeing means that he needs your husband and you're on the level to giving us Karma Nevada you know it it if if it gives a that the parent the child agreed that's okay but it has to be with a sensitivity to know your place let me leave you with one more beautiful beautiful point which has many enough committee about to be very brief because they gave for us the the mother tells the son wear a sweater weather like today and the sun says oh no I'm not even wearing a coat today wearing a sweater does the son have to wear the sweater because the mother had to wear a sweater so the truth is if you think about it why is the sun is like yesterday so if you take the sweater and put on the mother so that's right but if I don't wear if I wear a sweater how's that keep it up on my love any request that is not directly none of the parents do this do that eat the broccoli and go to the Hassan and do that and sleep 12 hours a night with all the parents request you have to there's no there's no here to listen assay but is to say the greatest the parents have to do something do it so it's included in the gemara that we listen to their request otherwise that's at the very Ram and that is even better value because the famous that a woman is pot from keep it off because she's busy with her husband a married woman is busy with her husband the most obvious question where do you learn and a married woman is positive from from keep it off which is Moira why she thought that she can't avoid sitting in a seat standing in his place so aftermarket the turret says that that that if the father says to do something uh go shopping and get something for yourself I want you to enjoy it is I can't do it man my husband needs me listening to requests is part of Moira because if you don't listen that's showing a lack of respect so the Magna holes are any request of course that's reasonable is included in La yesterday [Applause] but here's an important drop and I'm telling you the parent not to the children shouldn't hear this about yashif said some of the parents ask things the child can't do it it's just unreasonable so he made acrylic she'll be fun of don't ignore the parent because that's talking disrespectful put on the sweater walk out of the house around the corner take it off because if they don't know about it it's not really spirit so we see how the importance of learning the circuit properly does the the mother has a cyclist to all of requests and talk to you same here you can shoot I like to be a security Smith for today's year the gym after college Mr says seek him on the sheer Tomatoes 1 pm as is hey [Music] hey [Music] foreign [Music] is basically an assay the attitude is Tira it expressed itself primarily in not to do but as we saw doing also laista devara means listening to their requests but basically it's an assay of Moira and an attitude to see the screen and the parent is a place of prominence even of standing by in place where the father gives a share if the father gives resource otherwise move to Extended to the side a place of darkening is probably not so much of a mokum kavua but definitely in a place in Chul in in Yeshiva should be only for the father not for the child a fancy chair is also including this not just sitting in his place but not sitting in his chair a lot of stand on the chair or sleep in the bed but basically standing sit standing in his place sitting in his place is the real Issa of the same applies to a mother in all cases when a parent comes for Shabbos parent father or mother put them in a prominent place where they belong it's a good thing for children the men against the dive an extra parents even though Mr Burr says that wasn't done but today it's done because that's the return is next to his child if he wants to give it to the his father that's if there's only one seat like in a store or a car so then and the Sun is now driving of course he can sit in that place there is keyboard regarding names but there's no keyboard regarding places and as we said even arguing most places amida standing for parents is a precious Mitzvah should be done as long as he's mitzvah stamina we do it is is arguing if the father wants but basically arguing on absaka luck has to be done with the right approach if the father wants to yashita then of course you'll have to say it proofreading so point out the mistakes not the father's mistakes correct about Clara do it with their carrots uh Siva is a problem as the Hemet says it's wrong of course to when you're getting wrong criticism try to let the parent finish and then explain yourself not defend yourself work with parents be careful it should not be a size of devara very often it is but make sure that it's done in a pleasant way parents doing Issa you have to stop the Issa immediately but you have to use a Shinu like we said to say it indirectly means don't agree I mean of course agree but don't say as if they need your agreement complement the speech the father made is a Mitzvah and basically following requests of the parents if it's possible do it that's so you said if his mom is impossible be fun of just go along with it and you could do it