Honoring Parents - At What cost? Rav Zev Smith

[Music] my boy B hasem like to welcome everyone to sh from and honoring parents at what CA of great spons call 718 851 8651 email.com Smith is Mitzvah that's always challenging parents have needs and the children who by then could be grandparents even Grand great grandparents have their own needs and I want to focus on a a sugya that's very much NE when it's challenging for a child to help his parent the parent calls him he's at work does he have to close his uh his business to run to help his parent when kov interferes with SH and when it interferes with with learning time but basically as we'll see the common denominator is what's the extent of the how much does one have to give time learning money is there a maximum you know I just I'll just mention once and I say the word child I don't mean a young child as long as have a parent we're still a child and someone told me he met a 101 years old very sh says so his happened to be close to 80 you know so we're still we have two parents so when I say child I mean even a great-grandparent who has a parent so the question really is what is the extent of the Mitzvah of so comes to mind is the m the famous as well that for you have to willing to give but we know regarding this probably less of even though we know the word is the say says in and this is if you see an AA that belongs to you or it's someone else's AA and you can do one you go first so basically I'm going to say you have to do but you don't have to give your own money for someone else of course you have to give up money when it comes to but the basic way the point out is for you have to be giving willing to give up you know as much as you could do now the question is what is the nature of the is it then you have to give if it's been it's probably less so we'll say to this that it's at least I mean just that itself that we find the on the side of says a lot about but it's more than that says in a shocking statement based on I mean that alone is startling the equates but it's more than that says if you have for parents is says but is even more than that and that's a very important in that's the most important how big is not just like says but made more of than his own CED why it seems like the is unconditional unlimited when it comes to if you don't have you're not [Applause] but it's so much of which we know as is a greater it's even now this is a direct hit on our there is no maximum to keep it keep it and we'll soon see this is quoted in but there even more than this he wers about and remember we learn tell us next year remember this is says he's dying now we don't find in in the that he had a terminal illness and he was dying what do that mean why was he dying them the if you ever wondered why didam give b as free reign to control us to to Tor us to destroy us I'm beginning with am the Romans the Greeks the Germans and all the them between all those that are B asov they did so much damage why the allow B as to do this it's not a he you know why because as went constantly with because hunting for his father's needs is dangerous hunting is a d is a suicide mission and I rather must tell you says that hunting as a sport is aome because of Sak because even as who was is confess that it's dangerous and here asov went I don't know daily but on constantly on a suicide mission to be for his parent and if you want to know why the gave b as this unusual opportunity to to to to control K make ASV was born the year 2108 and now we're holding more than 3 and a half thousand years later and as's children are living on the of that as did unbelievable look what as that bit what he was for his parent do you think he would ask have to give a or he gave up his life for his father but it doesn't end there all the same SLE and learned from his uncle as how to do keep of you have one another P the innocently says hey check out your brothers how they're doing now yob didn't know what was going on but y know he's walking into a lion's them so what was y's to go visit his brothers to he learned from Uncle but but listen to the [Applause] conclusion now I'm not going to say but we see constant and learned but there's another Gem and that is we all know and the famous story he gave up not to wake up his father now his father obviously wasn't all there as we'll soon see but it's interesting who are the experts in who is the kades two as and D Heroes by but the messages without without a without a a so I think we're comfortable to say that there's that is more than what is the what is the understanding of you know I tell the I ask you one word to describe yourself what word would you choose they would say maybe God so greatness you know kazal tied up what a child is a child could be as old as he is but he has a parent we say in the a child by definition is is a product of parents nonstop forever that's the because don't forget parents gave a child everything and at least it's understandable of is like you know some people say it's payback and it's it's not a bad word to use the says if a child is not he's a not his beginning says is it's but it's better than see in the world you repay goodness but that would be why did cuz a parent could live a child could live 100 years he'll never be able to repay parents a lifetime of devotion at least be at least recognize so here we have is more than and there's no limit but the is this beginning of a child has to give his parent something who puts the bill and and that's T you want me to buy something certainly that be my pleasure could I have your credit card that's that's M so it's not unconditional maybe it's not even now how do we reconcile but the because in about priorities the speaks so seems to be just like so now we are thoroughly confused what is the identity of the so clarifies it and gives us a tremendous guidance in B based on if the father has money and he needs something you could say I'll be my pleasure can I use your credit card but let's say the father doesn't have he doesn't have and he really doesn't have then thei is correct that and the to quotes three but at the end he quotes is when the parent don't have and then it's you unconditionally even to go collecting now the EM is that the there's a little of a question what does it mean that if the father doesn't have the son is but I thought what changed so and that's you look at no from your own money but now it's that's law sh and but it could be we say wait a minute that's not logical if the father could afford it then use his money if not that's part of and you look at the holds that if the parent doesn't have what to what to pay for you have to use it and that's part of keep of it's the plan Plan B for but so what's the nature of and also it's a little what it means you look in the but one thing I will tell you no doubt about it the of surpasses both when this but one question we have to clarify and then we're going to apply this and that is how do we understand the story of D he went he gave up I thought so you might say what do you mean he was a GU you didn't learn your but it's not true the says you're learning it from D so listen to a few words of the back of the it's not only the say this why is the Prototype lesson it's not even true no it is true to be parent is Mich now this is an unbelievable concept he's not torturing his parent waking up the father is considered Mah parent and for that you have to give up what what an Incredible God to wake up a parent you have to give up now we would add I don't know his but probably he was he was from B he had this in his jeans because was this Unstoppable moner that he did the and he was nothing stopped him but in the darkest moment of asa's life there's one thing that stopped him what was asa's darkest moment when when he lost the he knew it says so killing the perpetrator killing y was no big deal what wrong he stopped in his tracks he didn't let out his anger because maybe he's going to cause his father like Rashi says if he kills yob will feel bad now look at asov in the darkest moment of his life the concept of being Bes your father was unfathomable now we would rationalize I'm not killing my father it's a grandma and maybe and let him learn not get angry but look what as's incredible K of was and maybe dhma learned from his a as to a parent that's Unthinkable and we find this in we learned the I know if we put two and two together even if even if the parent takes a and throws it into the ocean I'm the the the ram learned this from D you have to give up all the money but don't cause anguish to a parent P that's the extent of of but we're not yet finished the ran then says a second ter the is m but when it comes to giving up a prophet he used the if it's just a We call we use it we call that if it's not losing M if it's that was dumb as he wasn't losing a house he could have made a a big deal okay but he gave it up and the ran says it's really a gamar and the truth that you learned gar could and if the son has a something that looks very promising a deal does he have to give it up for keep it up let's say it's a done deal if he makes one call he could get the deal but his mother needs him let's does he have to give that was the story of and this is but if it's just giving up a extra a profit then you have to give so do you see what is look what did and it could even be the only coola is if the father has money use his money so now what I what I would put is you'll ask you what's the nature of I think it's none of the above it's more than but here's the the point that we have to know there's provide for a parent if they have their money use theirs but the is make sure the job is done if they don't have money even to the extent of but the point is you have to make sure your parents' needs are provided for if they have money G if not get the job done now of course we have to be inspired even from as and and and but basically the is and if if that's not then the son has to do what he has to do now let's go and apply it in various sh a parent ask a child go shop can you go shopping for me so the answer but he's allowed to ask his parents for the money that's that's in other words next time you learn Kad how what is keep it me it doesn't mean that you have to pay for the food you have to shop for them prepare it and if they're they can't feed themselves feed them and clean up but at the end of the day it's their money now I must add imagine a child a parent a father asks a child can you buy me something but I don't have money you'll use your own money if you want if not you don't have to do it okay just then the said can you take out the garbage and he can't do both which should he do first so says well it says the father goes before the mother right but a big say wait a minute not this case cuz this case my father asked me to pay my own money I'm not I'm but taking out the garbage and it's also a cheaper mitvah right but let may take take out the garbage but he's wrong in he discussed this very question come and he says that you're not to spend your own money but the and you spend your own money it's a it's not so in this case you do if you want to spend your own money do the father's Mitzvah first cuz father goes before mother in other words let me explain what I mean to bring out we always say inviting parents for technically you could give them the bill at the end of yam but you don't do that but don't think it's less of a mitvah the the real is make sure they have food take their money buy Shop clean feed but it's the same Mitzvah when you're paying so it's really do whatever you can it's supposed to be a true story there was a child that moved ter and never communicated with his parents never wrote letter this goes back years ago and people still wrote letters didn't write letters he didn't call someone asked him what are you strange from your parents you're in M she goes no but it costs money to send email letters and those days phone calls was pretty expensive m i don't have to pay so records this story he says maybe for you don't communicate with your parents for there's no cap of and then he has another and he says which is very MAV a small cost is not considered Michel ban I mean it is but we have to be reasonable you know when a person does he works for his parents so a lot of physical exertion that's also melen but doesn't mean that it means if they want you to buy something there's their money but a small cost is understandable you have to give then I saw he has a different for the same sh and he says that a parent that has to pay for the phone call that you call that's not ke it's Biz imagine your parents 50th Anniversary you send them a a a card in the mail please pay me for the card and the stamp you owe me $3 and5 so he says since the parents can't write them themselves letters if that's considered and the son is whatever the case is you don't need a there has to be an understanding person has to have a little bit SE this is my parents and the sky is a limit but there's a but minimal C of is not but there's another big in M the famous story that a came to in bris he lived in brisk his parents were Liv in v and he's not going to visit them because the train fair is expensive say you're right you're to take a train walk so this is cot by all the p and but it's important the tour is keep of if they need something they pay for it but if you want to make keep of easier for yourself you don't want to walk to vir you want to take a train that's your convenience I'll give you a p the Marshall someone is busy with a father and he has no time so he hires a gabbi to take care of his father and the father has to pay that's wrong if it's your to help and you want some do in your place so that's your convenience or a person doesn't want to be busy with a parent he puts them in a in a home and he sends them the bill right that's wrong if he's to provide for his parents so so so he's hiring someone else to do his job so you have to be careful now understandably so a child that mov and to visit whatever is understood to visit parents that should be Michelle Bane again I don't know how many how many times uh a person has to come but what's understandable is part of the otherwise it's I knew they tell me this is at least 50 plus years ago he lived in England he got married to someone for family I know very well was close to that family told him when you make your budget see those days people lived within a budget today you know it's different but make a budget leaves some part of your budget for phone calls to call your parents in England he moved to M he still is in M rather to call your parents because it's going to be costly but you have to call your parents that was a tremendous Insight B of sensitivity you know when you feel you have to spend money it's it's hard but if that's part of your budget you have to buy food and clothing and rent and keep it off that would be michellea because you'll move from England to to to new America you have to call parents now how often that that's you know that use your discretion I guess as often as you would want your children to call you I think that usually works pretty well question a parent a child again it could be an El gets a call from his his elderly father I heard his b can you send your boys to help me clean up for PES and the child freezes in Shack he's waiting a whole day a whole week for B man he needs his kids send them to Z so the EMES I saw Mar in Bay Simon R has this very sh and he says that really the child could keep his children at home cuz that's Michelle of but I would just add this is an opportunity a golden opportunity if you tell your children listen I was waiting since since Kan you to come home I need you but zi call and Zi goes first that's my father there's nothing hard to my father go that you make me very happy that's going to be worth more than all the cleaning that they could do you know the most effective has do as I do not necess do I say you know you're doing for yourself now again you go first but it's a wonderful opportunity to send your children now even though you might say but if they help me they have a help so is but that we're not talking we're talking about Lasting Impressions you make that that statement you'll gain a tremendous impact of of keep it off a pair parents married women as we know it says a married woman is part from I always felt that that's a form of because if a married woman that has to take care of her husband and her children have to stop everything and run to her father that she's giving up part of herself besides of course the shom Bas but the lesson is the CL is there's no Mitzvah that's too hard and you see how the to the carefully formed the mitvah a married woman has obligations but I could say the Eternal credit today the most unbelievable unfathomable key key of is done by our wives taking care of their parents elderly parents that don't have a moment to breathe that that have children and grandchildren and jobs and are busy with their parents day and night because the Mitzvah is too precious to give up now I don't know if the women this but even though if they're but if they do it that's the full-fledged Mitzvah but it's very important for us as husbands to be supportive because you know who else could do it but the devoted daughters but again the the the the M NE for parents is today is is mish unbelievable so I always think that you know we have an opportunity to be the wives are busy with kov we don't have the time so much but you know they do our jobs so whoever they but that's basically you know we we're the in this case to at least encourage our wives to be there for their parents but it's also trust me a tremendous impact on the and don't forget the ver blight it's all a very worthwhile investment question a person's at work and his mother calls I need help now it's not emergency but she wants to come so the EM is this isar this is our sh it's only a he could make a few more dollars and there's no doubt about it in that type of case where he's not going to lose his job he would have to close whatever he's doing and go help a parent now if he's working for someone else so he has to know what to do but if it's just his own working so now is the time to keep it up both say if he's going to lose his job and that's ready but on a regular basis a parent needs you everything stops and you go now if he could send aah his child to help his parents so as long the job is done that's okay of course he's but in this case there might be what be I had this unfortunately it's a true story was about to leave his house one day B mother goes where you going so he said I'm go I I I got a job I want to make money B his man mother goes but you know you we man now you come to help we need you so that's he go he doesn't need the money he wants to make extra money but then he came he told me that this I'm on vacation so I think the first might want to smack on vacation you know from the whole man he's on vacation you know someone that attitude probably not learning too much but but but now to make up for lost time right not not on vacation okay a more sticky question a person had a business trip and for he couldn't find the minion he knew in advance it wouldn't be a Minion for but the rest time it would be he's of a of a parent and he'll be denied the opportunity of saying Kadesh and being which is does he have to give up that opportunity so the EMB is according to also this is a real the parent is waiting you know the kades the Kad the the the the daving is is what's most desperate and most needed for parents and but interesting I found the father of the he has this but as much more serious where where a son who works in a in a forest I don't know what exactly he was doing but he doesn't he doesn't ever DAV with minion except for shabas so he says there first he starts with why Tak the has more than any other more than and his answer is that's exactly what it is because it's more than than but he says in this particular case he says maybe you could be rely on the she is only meet and also saying kades is only a I don't know why he's so but the end of the day he says since you tell me you got someone you pay someone to say Kadesh and on your behalf so it's good enough so he starts off with saying why how it's much more than any other but I guess the end of the day if he has if he has no P has no I saw a number of P discuss a a tragic but very inspiring sh a child a parent is of need of a kidney transplant and the child like typically is a very compatible match does he have to give up a kidney for a parent so the Em Say this is most literally M he's giving a and that's why I saw the the he says since the is not and this is much more m it would be po Nowa I the parents Ain they don't have they need a kidney but the EM is it could be is there's to give up a kidney and even if is of but that means to give money but we don't find you have to give a piece of oneself but equally so today when it is much much more safe to give a kidney a parent a child that gives a kidney is doing an incomparable Mitzvah I mean the Mitzvah is a Mitzvah is when he decides to give it and Tak people have done it and they just feel the rest of the life that someone's alive because of them so it's definitely a irresistible offer but I saw one of the has interesting a son said he was he willed to give his parent the kidney on one condition he wants to keep the kidney for himself but he's giving it as a loan to his parent now why does he want to do that he wants to pull it out one day no cuz he wants to have a constant Mitzvah of giving to the parent so the has a bunch of them that it doesn't work you can't give something and take it back you know by say you give it alone what bothered me is what he's doing is he's taking the MIT of of and making it into an investment like he wants to like parent you're my and I want to maximize on on you know on you it's not the attitude you know the attitude is you know with pleasure Plus he that TR proves that you can't do such thing you can't give and that you can't take back but I I I think a better attitude what I once saw Zin he said he had M between two brothers now unfortunately that's not uncommon but this was not your typical M their mother their age mother that needed a kidney and one brother says I want to give the kidney to the mother why you because I'm a b and a B has the right the younger brother says what are you talking about where does B have to do with giving a kidney the mother stays in my house and I'm a Barra the older brother says what is B after do with giv me a kidney and I read this I said to myself RAR where you get such children they're fighting over giving a parent the kidney that's a healthy attitude but anyhow getting back the point is that there is a cap of Michelle that that's the extent of the a very sticky issue and I'ma and it's more sticky than you believe is when a child a child start or whatever the case is and somehow him and his parents on the same page and he wants to finalize and his parents don't want so this is a famous he has three reasons that the child does not have to listen to the parent one of them is this giving up and in the very end of but I have a list of many that say all the same it might be but we don't do such things first of all maybe the parent is right you know children think not only that they're smarter than their parents they're even older so they have more experience but we know the truth so sometimes the child is off but let's say he knows what he's talking about said I saw this in they both they all three say we don't do such a thing stop ask God talk it over but to St ignore parent and have put it for the rest of the life what you going to excommunicate your parents you're marrying with somebody they don't want so again like everything else it has to be guidance but to the four in our in front of our minds you're marrying someone your parents don't want I mean you know I some tell even as wouldn't do that they got scared I said I'll explain you asov in the darkest moment wouldn't be M apparent but let's be more positive the which is one of the writes why was because he listened to his mother's advice regarding so he spells it out so that's certainly the and remember waking up a parent is look what did was but the EM is in it seems that if you are certain the parent would want to be awoken either because they're going to be happy that you made so much money or they want to make it to the she Shak ready to say and this is echoed by if you are certain the parent want to be awoken then you're supposed to wake them up that I mentioned earlier so D's father didn't want his child to make so much money he must be that he wasn't he wasn't all there he was insane so it makes it even more unbelievable because sometimes you have to deal with a parent that's not but even even D don't be your parent calling parents late at night is an a even if one parent is always up but there's always one parent sleeping and even a suff if they going to wake up a parent there a suffa so again approach with great caution but if you are convinced the parent would want to wake they should wake them up then you could I tell the B but your father promised to take you to Yeshiva and now we fell asleep on the couch so I have an A of you walk to Yeshiva nothing will happen you know the wake up a parent because he promised but if he's sleeping you know be very careful to wake up a parent a dangerous spot especially in our door of aora a very delicate situation when a child has a and the parents are not happy about it it so now talk about what CA so everybody knows the in if the parent tells you whether it's even you're not allowed to listen to a parent but look at the way the says you might listen to them the father is tell you your go don't return is rule number one you need to say not to listen but what all the parties agree across the board this this is or even but if it's only a a is very but to say no to a parent keep is more important I want to read you the of the obviously was they write even when he was terribly sick to go to even though but he never missed but one winter it seemed like the whole winter his mother told him because he was sick not to go to the Mikvah and he didn't go once the entire winter says even for Ezra I can't explain that but I do do see what it means keep it of but now we realize that his is keep it off the story is quoted in was sitting with his mother PES by night and she put mat into the hot soup and then after she ate it she shifted it to him now what the average person do who on on so the question is throw out the mother first or the soup first out the window both for sure right you know you know the B that he at in the soup because I could go on and on but the point is it's priorities but a little more a little more sensitive sometimes I saw that when it comes he has a challenge because his mother NE doesn't cover her hair so when he benches and he makes a br he turns around and faces the wall when he benches and the get terribly angry at him what are you doing your mother why don't you learn if you close your eyes or look in the S that's good enough now sometimes it's not even a kite it's a you know so what I tell the and to whom may concern to be to a parent you have to have a may but at least a het of someone that understands end the story the starting point and for even for there's no so you have to know if maybe if you think this case is different you have a but the starting point is even wouldn't do it's on the page he quotes why was who punish that she didn't have children didn't see to go to the she didn't see B she died at child birth so because she was Mah her father when she stole the TR it's she stole and look at the punishments me but it didn't work so she should have asked should you do that there's no CL but the CL is should be Unthinkable was once approached by man his father had just died and was the first young and his mother wanted that this young man should D with her in the local and he and himing not should listen to his mother says listen to me try to work it out with your mother but if not remember the words of the med in you never ever ever lose by doing the r and especially the r of had so the CL is you never lose and you won't lose now I hear unfortunately sometimes people parents complain about children and they're right he has a that's getting them nervous and it's not and it's not right a child has to know sometimes he's doing something that even ASA doesn't know I just had the other day the parents beg a child not to smoke or not to vape or both I if you know VAP is better you don't know and he says no but that's this is Michelle Ben because too hot for me second time I wanted to patch someone you know it's too hard for you not to not to destroy yourself you know I ped the I mentioned ear from he has the father told the son to stop smoking and he refused to listen so said let me what do you mean you don't listen he said let me tell I smoked and he got very sick he had a surgery and it was much harder to stop smoking than the surgery in all the but I would a thousand times for a parent that's so basically we have to know that it's an opportunity now the same thing is true a parent ask a child do something that's difficult it's not doesn't cost money but it's difficult so here we have the that you have to do it now someone said said that's nothing to do it here for keep it off like other mitvah from now the point is that the it has to be up tour otherwise it's a we had a Shiloh once where someone had a problem with a parent and he wanted to talk talk The question is is there us about a parent so it's a good question because says when a person talks bad about a parent is also but the EM is if he's doing withis to get out of the trouble sois is not l says if you're choosing your words carefully and you're doing it to get out of a problem the would be a son's a big Mas and we have this all the time today it's a wonderful comes B man and he has no time to help he has to go learn I'm not talk about some of the ones who sleep late who make money he wants to go learn so he comes to mind the a but it can be do you think that GAR is talking in the context of yov who left his parents to go learn and at that point he was anus he couldn't keep it up but W they had to put yourself in anus to be denied the opportunity of keep it of that is keep it if you're in the city and the parents call you and need help so you not now you have to stop learning and start living your learning you have start living to that and says this clearly in the and it's p now is the time to live the T you're learning and you have to know and do it you know I always pointed out that we all know that cloud says you could give do the best Mitzvah but if you do it grudgingly it's worth nothing but if you do then it's a valuable what's the of that in the end of Regarding why because that's where it counts most parents don't like to be a case a case you need my help okay I'm coming that's the way you respond to a parent they don't more than anything has to have the and for those that are uncertain about what I'm telling you look up was made's Mother lived a long time lived in at the time was already he was was then also and yet every day every day was made he would walk on the unpaved UN finished Rose the early 50s late 40s and took a long time to get there and spend a half hour or more every day talking with his mother he didn't talk about guarantee now redefined and gave new meaning to Calla but he had a balance so that's T why we have to really have that that that that m m a time to be there for parents and the sequel of story is was once visited by a group of and is in a very good mood so the Reb decided to ask the brave question why why you and he answered without flinching he says so the there's a few quick question I wanted to mention because they each one really should be a share for itself but it's part of our not going to mention it the question is of course when a what does it mean that a parent a he doesn't have I mean today unfortunately parents get older and they have no money left so it's noteworthy what that means the says in C if the parent doesn't have you have to force the child the now it's unusual if he's why do you embarrass him in b m because now is the time to be there for parents unconditionally but what's noteworthy the in this quot it's also gar that says really when a person has a poor parent he could use Sak money to support his parent now if he's allowed to do what does it mean you know what the point is you have a terrible lack of priorities you're making your father your mother a Seda case but don't think it means you're giving them money that says in it you know charity I saw the chai that all say even if the parents don't know where the money's coming from but it's a bizan for you your parents are case if you can't give your own money something wrong with your attitude so look at the complete change there a m ban but when need be M ban and you can't use because the attitude is my parents did for me and now was called and this you could understand I guess the next child which is sh for itself when a child wants to move away yes found the job whatever he found the house leaving his parents behind so basically if they don't need him so he could go and visit and call and Etc but let's say they need him so says he has to be one of four conditions you got to move away from parents either he doesn't have a job here but he has a job elsewhere so that's not a question of that's that's considered or his health he has to move away or for the that he doesn't have here or elas but even then he's allowed to move away he can't leave them without help some type of plan the point is that this has to be part of our budget to be there for parents Yak was punished for 22 years when he wasn't learning even though he went BR of his parents a more sticky question when parents get old they can't be loan take them into your own home send them to a a facility so that's not a regular but I think what I could say is and this is so he said it's very easy to decide this question what you would want your children to do to you do for your parents so then he said but but but is there a cloud he said yeah if kala wouldn't be a parent I don't say Kal but if it would be your own child would you put them in the facility so he told this to is wrong you have more of a to a parent than a child but the attitude is you know what to do you know I I tell told people more than once why don't you join the thousands of of these parents I'm talking about children who are great grandparents but who have room in their their hearts and their their minds for parents they take them in I don't know how they do it they're busy with children and grandchildren and even great-grandchildren but they have enough time for parents why don't you join the heroes of CLA Isel now but at least to the next question let's say it's a sticky isue because it's disturb to shom so first of all you have to realize one thing aad is not going to be like a regular guest it's not going to be easy but it's not poter if it's not easy if you could make it work it's having a gem and a diamond in your house you know P writes twice people spend so much on schoolers but the biggest school is a parent it's an opportunity but ifu you try and it can't work out so taka I have a whole list if you want to see it that taka Shay comes first but very often doesn't have to be that very often you can make it a joint effort you learn and maybe to extend yourself but the point is what a person expects from his own children one day if it's hope but that's a fair gauge I would be remiss in not mentioning this point because really makes the rest of this year really work you know we we we sometimes see the American culture is is unfortunately it's a world that the father is the car service and the mother is the the maid and the cook and the and the bus boy bus girl I don't know how you call it but the parents are serving children which of course is the very antithesis of a but say you have to know one thing in there is an this one and that really makes keep of work and that's the a parent cannot be too overbearing too domineering and too demanding why because if you tell a child to do something and he doesn't listen then you're being in the of and the next is if a person hits a child and the child will react or might react he's now instead of doing a mitvah it's so a parent that has an unreasonable demand of a child is of I'm not talking about the parent is telling a child do something that that that that that is wrong for the parent to do that's I'm talking about when a parent has a full right to ask for something unfortunately this is common today when we have children that are slipping whether it's boys or girls and parents decide to give Musa but this is a give and then you have something that that that destroys any relationship that's going to save the child a person has to choose his battles now not only is that an but it's now this is not this is of is a wonderful mitz that has to work and when something a person asks unreasonable let say it's not even a child slipping a a parent likes to give advice how to raise the so let me tell you there's no to his children now I I'm parent and a grandchild grandparent I have all the nas that you have but I see the truth it doesn't work you know unless the child asks you for advice let them do what they you know they want a great M said to be a z you have to be a little blind deaf and dumb you wanted to work stay out of that business ah you think you're right okay buta that might be this this this will keep it up that destroy and keep it up this is so uncharacteristic he says if you want to ask something from someone else measure what you're asking I say what do I care if he says no is no or did you lose cuz he's angry why' you ask you're angry why he doesn't listen and he a person that asks too much is a and a but that's so much more true in in keep of Z the is made his never said the words do me something get me something he always put it in a voluntary way at most but again I'm not advocating but look at the MIT how made it workable there's no because that's too hard to do even though would say what do you mean it's too hard to do I gave you your whole life you can't spend money for me but don't make something that's tempting T of is is to make it workable but sometimes kov has to not some always kov has to have a joint effort the parents know what to ask what not to ask then the children will respond but basically the point is the gave us a mitv it has to work let me be m maybe this is a another understanding of it the hear that is you want all this do keep it off but last night it occurred to me maybe there's a little more imic to this he's talking to both parts of kov the parents and the child first we talk to the parent you want all that you have to follow you have to look at what you're not supposed to do if you do your part then the son will do and all of us sh thank Smith also like to REM that every year the has an appeal can't to make the after the of [Music] the hey [Music] foree okay B it's not necessary to stand up or remain standing but seek him on just let we learn today there's no doubt about it is an unparalled even and to emphasize that we saw the on a constant basis giving up for a s for a waking up a parent at least we should be we can't be le and at the end of the day it's a very limited unless it's for the parent or the parent doesn't have but the Torah made it workable you don't have to give even though SE will say why don't you give a parent from your own but that's what the de wanted but make sure it get the job gets done that's why if if the parent doesn't have the child would even have to go collecting because it's it's the responsibility of the child to be there for the parent it's a small cause for such a precious Mitzvah but I must mention a small cause Tak would be m m that Tak we saw if it's Biz to charge the parent there also and if it's making the son easier to hire help then the son has to pay that would be M to send a child to helpa is not a but it's definitely advisable a married woman is officially poter but it's a wonderful that they're busy with parents to stop working cuz a parent calls for help he should be stop working unless he could send withes there is as we saw when he can't say kades I always think people are so M for that year to get the every single day in kades what about when the parents are alive the same mitvah maybe more so but anyhow giving a kidney to a parent is a great but to fight over the to give it and not make conditions that you want to keep it today we listen to parents or certainly waking up if that's the r of the parent so we saw the biggest hi and of is to follow is outweighs any other and therefore even though you listen to a parent when but for we listen to a parent not to be victim of and even if it's hard that's what inspired us parent is if we choose our words what definitely we saw to stop learning to help a parent that's Olive Bay that's learning Al do a child should not use S money to support a parent because it's not a s case it's his own moving away from an older parent or where to place a parent is to know the whole picture if it disturbs sh is first and most important as parents we have to make it work and will both be yes yeah