Ask The Rabbi Q&A Forum With Rabbi Moshe Meir Weiss

[Music] boston like to welcome everyone to tonight's share everyone knows my triathlon person and all the multitudes who are joining us on the phone and online back to everybody to a baby spry sponsored tonight in honor of rabbi wise thank you vega mr mrs friedman for sponsoring tonight's year the niche master basha simcha [Music] as you see the papers around the school league ensure tara's annual dinner is coming up it's the one time of the year that iguana torah has an event to help support our buses tire worldwide throughout the year special opportunity to honor one of the abundant museum you've enjoyed to put out in the journal you'll see all the details on the paperwork tonight we have this special opportunity to have with us once again our measurement wisely the rather good this is staten island special interesting and fascinating question and answer forum all questions will be asked by our distinguished choir rob cyclin ask my cover to call on your advice for tonight's share first of all rabbi i'd like to say i'm honored to be here the honor is ours one second when we set up my hardware here everybody has hardware everybody has stuff with all the stuff here i still have stuff we begin brushes the bust in the rub and with tremendous accuracy to irregular torah for putting together this year yes naipai and when i say sasha yashnapai i mean not just the men but the women that are here that i do not see i welcome them as well and thank you for coming and i have realized that this year is streaming live on yeshiva world news and on torahanytime.com and on the urgan shiraitara live stream and on colossian so we welcome everyone throughout the globe that are joining us this evening uh some of you came in and said boy country you see changed over the year uh country yasi had a last-minute covid wedding invitation of a uh annika of his uh his sister-in-law and uh there was nothing he could do about it the invitations went out after we already uh decided the day so i have another wonderful show my dear editor and good friend shelly zeitlin who edits transcribes and edits all my articles in the jewish press and in the views and he helped me transcribe many parts of my five swarm it's a honor to have shelley with us and uh by the way he's single so uh everybody should take note all the chatroom should take note that he's available and i can tell you that he's a real catch rabbi bald was here and i'm sorry i missed him because i wanted to give him credit for what he does i'm sure he'll hear it and rabbi deutsch there are mice and efforts to this program and to all of you for coming and joining us thank you rabbi and once again i'm honored and it's my pleasure to be here thank you this question came via email to the irgun what are some tips and physic for being ready on time for candlelighting heir of shabbos this sounds like a very simple question but the woman who submitted this question was a very smart woman she recognizes that it seems to be that it's challenging to light on time the problem is that there's women that don't recognize that it's challenging we must know that the mishnah tells us in the shabbos there are three sins that a woman could god forbid die when she is in the vulnerable situation of giving birth and one of them is hadlock the lighting of the candle so we're talking about a matter of life and death we also have to know that from the fact that the tyrus says that a husband should gently not the tyra says and the mishna teaches us that the husband should gently say tar he'd like to assange the other ones he asks he sat him did you take meister he roughed him did you make the aero and then he says he'd leaked us and that's because the other ones he doesn't know if they did he doesn't know if they took off mice you can't see it but he comes in the dining room and he sees she didn't like it so he says he'd like to snf so the torah commissioned the husband to make sure now why does the husband have to do that does the husband have to make sure that she makes the challenge did you make the challenge did you make the google did you dress the children it seems to be that there is a raging yetzara to not light on time and it's very understandable because i'd like a snare for a woman is one of her crowning mitzvahs that she should usher in the shops and she should set the tone we know that if there's only enough money god forbid for kiddish or neros so the gemara says you do without kiddush and you get the nairas you get the candles this is when there were no electric lights because shalom by is odif three that there should be shalom bayes that there should be an aura of warmth and tranquility in the home is more important and here the woman is being privileged with showing that she creates that aura fiat because of that the atahara tries in whatever way possible to make sure to try to make sure to frustrate this let's look at it one more way i want to set the stage over here to make an impression if a woman does not light candles says in children she has to light an extra candle every shabbos for the rest of our life that's an almost unheard-of class because that means that when the grandchildren see she's lighting and they ask her bobby bobby grandma i don't understand you had eight children and you and zadie that's 10. why do you light 11 candles i forgot once to light on time i messed up that's very embarrassing from the fact that khazal said that there should be such a class it underscores how important this is that a woman should light on time now once a woman realizes this she must know that the more important something is the greater is the sahara the greater is the sahara not to do it here a woman is being privileged he covers extinguish the light of the world and therefore every woman is given the chance to re-light that which kava put out cover caused the death of mankind and and man is a neshama is narrowly kim nishmas adam so she so to speak repeats that it's our privilege to repair it and it's such a great privilege it's one of our great mistress that she can ask afterwards it creates such a nice rotten that she could ask for children tommy they come in that her husband should only have eyes for her it's a remarkable thing so therefore a woman should realize from the get-go that is nothing more important the kuggle just won't get done the extra nice stuff on the table won't be put there she won't make that extra phone call she has to like now there are strategies one strategy is to try to light 10 minutes earlier refrain kaneowski always says what a big school it is to light 10 minutes earlier but if she tries to light 10 minutes earlier at least you're light on time another segula another idea is to set on an alarm clock a timer my wife finds this very helpful she sets a timer to remind her i find it helpful that the cell phone should disappear and the phone shouldn't be answered close to shops because once you're on phone you lose yourself you don't have the luxury to lose yourself but also you have to know that there is nothing more important the garbage isn't taken out there's nothing wrong you got to light those candles 18 minutes before this man that's your job that's that's priority number one unless you have a hot solid call that's a priority number one and it's nice if you could be already in a shabby sticker robe you could look don't let don't wait to run into the shower to six minutes before i have plenty of time don't wait to put on the makeup four minutes before it only takes me two minutes nothing should be left it should be as a safe zone so this shouldn't happen and the this is safety because it's dangerous to light light and this is being shabbos to honor the shabbos when we honor the shabbos nice we're given an inheritance without bounds the gemara says kalama hanukkah says nice to like so there's nothing more important for a woman than before shabbos to know that she arrives at the candles trying to do so a few minutes late earlier but never passed the time next question why did a disproportionate amount of great people die from covet 19 such as the novominskareba rav label katz the sastra ganrov the famous moyle and partisan rabbi rami cohn and rabbi pluchek to name but a few this is something that troubles a lot of people yo corbin we lost a lot of people we had refrig refrigerated morgues outside of maimonides hospital but we lost a large amount of world-class tsarikim these are just a few rabbis big red in london we lost a lot of a lot of good islam why why why did that happen and the answer is when one rough label cat passes away maybe because of that there wasn't a thousand funerals we know that on purim there was one casualty right when they fought on malay it says that no jew died there was one casualty hassak danil was assassinated by harmony of all of for him does it make sense that nobody died but daniel died the answer is is daniel died so that nobody should die lama nismaka why does it say why does it say misas miriam the gemara [Music] and just as we know that the srifa basali kenu hashem said he put his wrath on sticks and stones sometimes hashem instead of taking away thousands at sadiq passes away and he saves his generation this question came via text to rabbi weiss i'm having a mid-life crisis suddenly i have an urge to travel and see the world buy an expensive car treat myself to assorted luxuries in short i want to live it up before i'm too old to do so what is the toe review of this and should i worry about using up my children's inheritance we have to know that when we have urges we have to interpret them the right way this man has an urge to travel fancy cars luxurious hotels six star restaurants when a person has an urge it could be used for good and it could be used for a waste for example a person has an urge you ever see somebody come in to shul and say do you know who died it's almost like he's excited you won't believe it you don't know it's like he tells you he has an urge to break news or even worse did you hear what went on in show you weren't around you're up in the country you wouldn't believe it he has an urge what is that urge the truth of the matter is is that the neshama has an urge to teach tyra the neshama has an urge to share hashem's knowledge so if a person uses the urge correctly they become a rebbe they become a marriage tyra they have a desire to give to their children as much knowledge as possible that's using the urge correctly then there are people that use the urge to tell people who died you're not supposed to break bad news who died or worse to speak lashinar same thing is true there are people that have an urge to know things you know you could tell me what's the real story come on i'm your friend come on tell me please all right they say curiosity kills the cat and of course listening to lashinar is even worse than speaking legendary ah the urge that urge is really an urge to learn torah prison the nishama [Music] that this person is you know he has he has a husband he doesn't want to miss a yankee game what about korea see them listen i'm a yankee fan well you're not you're not a hemisphere i'm a yankee fan so there are people that there are people that have an urge and they use that urge to listen to new things lashin hara other people's secrets and then there are people that use that urge to learn new things they make a say they're in a new safer they brian new parish on the center of the week they get a new moose essay for they buy a new biography now let's revisit this question that came from text i'm having a mid-life crisis what does that mean it means that the neshama feels they're already as you know rav dassler said that if you look at your beard and you see some white here so you know that half your life already passed you by so the neshama is feeling antsy and said what's going to be with this world he's going to have to go upstairs and his whole eternity is going to be decided by what he did in this world the neshama is feeling very unfulfilled so now you have to interpret that some people interpret it i'm unfulfilled i gotta have thrills i gotta travel the world i gotta see not one waterfall but 12 waterfalls at the same time i got to go up not one cable car but two cable cars to the highest mountain i got to see a hotel made out of ice i gotta go to an aquarium under the water and take an elevator down under the water into the ocean that person person says i'm not fulfilled i got i gotta have thrills and then there's a person that interprets the urge of the mid life correctly and says is shine sight what do i have to show with my marriage am i taka good am i making see my sister am i an azer and what have i to show i'm going to go up to the next world trilogy what do i have to show did i finish ramishin rashi did i learn a little mishnayas that's what the midlife crisis comes the midlife crisis comes from the neshama is saying time is time is moving limnosya mainu kane hoda if a person knows how to count their days the navi lev that will bring to our heart of wisdom if a person knows that the time is a ticking by the way kane is big mafia 70. unless your neighbor came [Music] it's only 70 you know what am i going to do that's nobody live now the questionnaire throws in as a zing and should i worry about using up my children's inheritance when you have money hashem gives you money use it in the right way you are the balabasa over your money you might give it to a child and the child might fritter it away hashem could give the child money don't worry hashem has enough cash you use money you use money to you want to use money to make the children happy while you're alive that's great but use money maybe circle to selling use money for tadaka use money to make your wife a new kitchen use money to buy her an ice coat a nice dress use money to make her happy buy her a new scheitel it's things to do with money don't worry about using money use money smartly rebinasham says if you use money smartly don't worry i have plenty where that came from uh service militia use it wisely i'll replenish it you'll have enough for your children too this question came via the an email to the urgoon during the pandemic one unique challenge was the ruchnius obstacles such as davening without shul and minion interrupted libmudim how does this work with the general concept that hashem gives nisionos to help improve a person's spirituality if people want to know why would hashem throw us out of his house people want to know i used to have a lot of arkham by my table and on pesach and now i'm sitting alone i used to help out my married children and now i couldn't have anybody i used to fulfill keep it of aim and now i have to keep my parents away from me why would the rabbinician do this so first of all we have to know that it says that the questionnaire says that a hashem gives messianis to help improve a person's spirituality that's accurate but not always are then this youngest pleasant hashem made the emojis baron in order that they should come closer to him that wasn't pleasant but it made them better and it made the jewish dna have a lot more devascus a messian does not mean that it's pleasant the questionnaire wanted to know why would hashem not want us to have or him well sometimes because of the arkham we're not spending enough time with our children sometimes because of the arkham husband and wives grow apart hashem said this year you're going to spend the satu with your wife alone and connect with us hashem said instead of having 30 people around the table you're going to have family time not only that the children won't even be in school you'll have lots of family time not only that but you're not going to go out to work you're going to have lots of family time then there's something else there are a lot of people that whenever they're ensured they're always rushing there's no question about it during the week during the week forget about it [Music] oh already folded and you already have your foot in the car but even on shabbos people are checking to watch why is it taking we started at 8 30. it's a minute after 11 already that makes no sense it was a short passion shouldn't be after 11. no [Music] who has time look at the fact that there are people that have never learned the meaning of the daily uh never or they don't even un know really the meaning of the capital kapalashabas they know bits and pieces but they can't weave it together and now all of a sudden we're dabbing by our dining room table nobody is rushing we don't have to get on time on the highway we don't have to fight for parking spots and we could sit with an arts girl and diamond that's an opportunity to become greater now that's only part of this question that's only part of this question but we'll we'll see we'll try to come back to it later i don't i don't want to take up too much time shelley has some more questions i believe rav weiss last year at the q a you discussed the topic of second marriages now that you're remarried for over a year and a half do you have any advice to add from personal experience i certainly do it's a good idea and everybody should do it after a year and a half i could tell you it was a good move but besides that i i do have a piece of advice when dealing with step children and dealing with your spouse's children don't expect immediate results that's not fair and if you try to force it it's not a good idea let them learn to appreciate you don't demand you might be right you're hive in the honor of we learn out from the s s le ravis asious of it the wife of a father s larabaise bali it's true but it's much better if you give a chance you do yours i i think i remember saying this uh last time with i heard from the square rebber when i went to get a broker with my new rabbitson and he we asked him if he hasn't a piece of advice to share with us so he said we should do even more for the new children than we do for our own children that's what he said but i'm adding now that wait to earn their love you do yours and it'll come but don't demand it if you demand it then you could short-circuit the process this question came via email to the ear gun is it proper to daven and hope for the victory of one candidate over the other or do we say let's leave it up to hashem since it says kings and nobles are in the hand of hashem it certainly says laid me in this hashem but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't dive in for it of course it's in the hands of hashem everything else is also in the hands of hashem but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have been fair as a matter of fact ramaisha has a famous chuva where it says hakobi deshamayam khuts majira shaman but he says we can daven for years that's proper restaurants so for sure we should daven that uh president trump should win for sure for sure we should daven we look at the liberals and we vomit we look at the world what it would be a world of defunding police something that we cannot even believe somebody would say something like that it's like saying to defund milk production or to def to defund the poultry uh trade to defund police if we defund the police so of course one shiddavan what i started to do in my country minion is i started to say that fila i say always in my shul the tafila for the olym uh and i say the trilo for the taste of yom thus trilla for those that don't talk in shul and now i'm adding the trilla for the nazi we see of late although normally g'day israel do not endorse candidates because what happens if the other candidate wins it's a very big problem for roshmore came out publicly one of the senior if not this senior roshi shivas came out publicly endorsing president trump because the there is no option now uh would we want to invite him into our house and talk with our daughters probably not probably not but we're not looking to him for a shidduch we're looking to him i would like him to send police to manhattan the army to manhattan when it's necessary you know the the the mob could have taken a turn and entered williamsburg or entered brooklyn i'd rather have our troops in brooklyn than in uh afghanistan and he understands that and if you want to know the truth of the matter is is you shouldn't be studying politics if you want to study study habakkuk [Music] you shouldn't be studying politics it's a complete waste of time at all you shouldn't read politics at all unless you're finished probably your xiaomi and everything and you're afraid the set the shop has ended with somebody measuring in the bathtub so the gemara says why was he measuring in the bathtub you're not allowed to measure on shabbos it wasn't medidel mitzvah so the gemara says it was only uh he wasn't doing it to measure anything it was only miss ethic so why was he doing it i'll tell you why i was doing it because he already learned you shall me and bob lee and when he was in the bath and not clothed he was afraid he would think about dr kaye so he started measuring to distract himself that's why he was doing it so if that's what you're worried about you already know bob lee and xiaomi and abercrombie and you're afraid that you're in the bathroom you might be thinking about tom kiaker so then you could read about president trump to distract yourself but otherwise you shouldn't do it but i'm telling you that all we have to see is what president trump did in the u.n the un has been making fools of america for years we fund it and they vote against us and we have an ally alliance israel and they condemn evans israel and we're sitting there and president trump says i'm not going to take this well i should fund you that you should tell me that i'm doing wrong in something that makes absolutely no sense so as ramila would say you just have to look at that and you know that he's calling the right shots he's calling the right chance and therefore you certainly should be misparallel if you set a trilla for the nursing shul and suggest it to your rav if he likes the idea it's a good thing to do and yet hashem hashem should protect american jewry with the right sleep this question came via email to rabbi weiss some days after madaf yomishir i feel like i didn't understand anything what is it can you offer me for those days it's gonna happen it's gonna happen for several reasons it's gonna happen that there's a very hard death it's going to happen you know tough testing obama is a very hard laugh there are high dolphins the the towards the end of the sector shabbos it was very detailed and some of it was uh uh mathias that was not clear and it's hard it also could happen because you had a hard day at work and you're tired but let me tell you something what would be if you didn't learn daffy me you didn't learn enough yeah me and you go upstairs and they're gonna say what about myself the shabbos [Music] now you're going to say i was southern shabbos i went this year for the homeless actor so you think the rebounding shaman's going to say but what about daf kofra you're not going to do that he's going to say you know you're from the akhide school i'm proud of you furthermore rabshimshin pinkus says that we get led into the yeshiva shamala for anything that we try to learn in this world if we try to let's say you never learned or let's say you never learned this nazir so then you won't get in not going to talk him into the academy and receptus knows but you learnt it there's a lot of guesses you didn't understand some of it that's okay you're led into the academy and boy will you understand it over there but i want to tell you a third thing and that is as you persevere you'll understand more and more i i know i could tell you i thought this is not my first rodeo i've taught chas more than once and i could tell you that i saw people who the first time around it was like pulling teeth but now they're already on their fourth time and they're seasoned veterans the seasoned veterans that are already looking enticers and they're already looking in the back into myshaw and they're already looking at the highlights of the dof that are coming out so be patient and remember that yes you shall aim it does you're not losing your head this was submitted from sullivan county i'm having problems with my next-door neighbors they're ultra-social and make loud parties until all hours of the night they have a barbecue pit and the smell enters my bedroom and impedes my sleep i'm a senior citizen and i want peace and quiet i've spoken to them but there doesn't seem to be a solution what do i do and as a follow-up from a hat solo member and also from alan hirsch the publisher of the views magazine what do you say to the following scenario i'm a senior citizen and also have high blood pressure i'm still being careful and i wear a mask many people are not sympathetic and refuse to wear a mask what is your opinion about this highly charged topic okay some of you that hear these two questions are wondering what does one have to do with another what does a barbecue pit and loud party have to do with masks but they have to do with each other completely you know in yeshiva one of the hard suggests in sha's is the second perique of bhava bastro the sugiya of khardo in loyacpur see loyacbar is a parrot that teaches us and there are bachrim that go to hear very teethful lambdashi yeshiva's urine and they spend sometimes a month on the suggestion and yet they could open up the window in their room when their friend is freezing or come up singing i'm a rubber when four younger bakuma already sleeping there arangitan in kargo for a month the suggest but they don't get the abcs of ilkheshrem is all about empathy all about feeling for yemen what's one of the 48 kenyana torah i think it's one of the weaknesses of our generation i am very disappointed when people see that there are older people in their shul that are sheltering they're sacrificing by not having their children over and having the children over there not hugging their grandchildren and they're scared they don't know i just heard that there was a bris in lakewood and some of the family was from california and people at the bris came they weren't wearing masks and people caught corona from the people that came from california this happened this week we know that all of this can turn on a dime in 1918 and i know a lot of people say our medicine is better we didn't find a cure yet in 1918 the spanish flu started in the spring of 1918 so much much like our pandemic and then there was a break and people quarantined and then they came out to celebrate the conclusion of world war one and at that time in the fall there was the second wave that killed 675 000 people in america alone many of them from 25 to 35 year old now we don't know we don't know and i'm not telling you that if you're young and healthy i'm not telling you what you should do but i am telling you that for you to say to somebody that's older don't tell me what to do i i see in schools that oldsters are not coming to school they're staying home because the younger people say listen we don't want to accommodate you nobody's getting sick now come on in my shoe we have a rule that if you want to dive into a good soil of staten island you have to wear a mask you don't want to go down somewhere else and i shall now somebody comes into your sex or rabbit wise what do you do when somebody comes in without a mask we invest it we have a box of masks and agave goes over and gives them a mask and if he says no so we say please leave so yeah you're throwing me out i said look we have older people we want them to they're our members we want them to feel comfortable but what is it that people get they get antagonistic what am i antagonistic there's somebody that's afraid my oldest daughter lost her father-in-law she had a baby instead of a father-in-law being sunday kapha received the name three weeks he was gone it didn't happen a long time ago so where does this come from there's a route to this malady i'm in the country i came in special for this year the driving and the catskills this summer is horrendous now it's it's never too good but i have to tell you i give a zoomed off yay me so i can't darven at the standard minukamarv i have to go to the nickelsburger shelter of young rice's shul and woodburn for an early minute and then i have to go for a late marathon i'm almost scared and i'm a seasoned driver i've drive millions of driven millions of miles i'm almost scared to go out people are driving they're passing in the middle of the night okay my at my age my night vision is not what it used to be so i got a little slower people are creeping up to me honking me on the road people are passing double yellow lines and they're they're angry where's this come from let's say a person is timid what are you doing it's a lack of empathy when you're when you're in borrow park on between 13th and 12th avenue and what street goes down 49th street and 50th goes up so 49 you're 13 at 12 49th street and you're driving and a car stops and a person a passenger disembarks okay but then they start having a conversation a schmooze and his old line of cars behind what's that all about and people are honking and they go like this what is that all about or the honking in the middle of the night when older people and children are already sleeping but there's a lot of votes on 14th avenue [Music] what's that all about it's a complete lack of empathy now we know that there's such a thing as a generation gap we know that you know i cannot get used to seeing in front of the shule a whole bunch of skateboards on shops i can't get used to it i can't get used to the fact that six o'clock in the morning when i'm still sleeping the children are already outside it sounds like ocean parkway is by my bungalow because they're in their motorized cars and scooters and and motorcycles now it sounds like ocean parkway there is a there is a generation gap but this person who i heard from he has a he has a neighbor that dug a pit in the ground makes a big barbecue for a whole bunch of people and the smell smokes him out of his bedroom can't sleep they put up lights he can't sleep so what is it it's it's a lack of empathy and when the gap grows big because of a generation gap the need for empathy should be more not less that's a problem and the masks underscore that need hashem i'm very proud of my islam i'm very proud of my olym up state in elm shade estates where everybody is wearing a mask and believe me the mask the mask is very annoying it's very hard very hard to mask but i know i don't want to cause anybody else a problem and i'm over 60 i have some high blood pressure so the mask is as rav isaac obama said that why are we so careful with comets why do we swim in vishnish everybody has a cautious why do we say if it falls on the floor throw it away but whatever you feel how could a person have a hootsuit to say who are you to tell me i should wear a mask what do you mean maybe covert is not dangerous for you but this person has diabetes and he had chemo no he should not come out it is it is that the way we we behave as a heinous israel is that proper is that empathy i think there's a lot of soul searching that everybody needs to do submitted to rabbi weiss via email what is the best way to encourage a single divorcee widow or widower to continue dating when they feel that all hope is gone here again we deal with the eight sahara it's better for a single or a divorcee or a widower or widower to be married i heard from rip schleimer above that there's only one place in tanakh where it says life and that's not good for man to be alone so therefore hashem wants a person to be a couple hashem doesn't want a person to go to sleep alone in the night unless their children in their parents house but otherwise a person should not grow old alone that's not a good thing and since it's not a good thing the derek shaw adam writes the way a person wants to go there led now there are people that are burnt out there are people that think that there's nobody for them anymore so the first thing they have to know is if they're single then hashem has somebody for them and it's a very big world and just like there they consider themselves to be top-notch and their their age there are top-notch people for them you have to know that that's a hundred percent if the rebinder show wants that we shouldn't be alone and it's better for us to be to go to sleep with another person in the night then there's somebody really good but we have to make irish daughters now people because of numerous disappointments they get disillusioned that's all the attacks you know i recently said in the show i didn't know whether i would say this but i can't resist so i can't resist the great margaret of jacob galinsky was talking about yish and he said let me tell you the story of my life he says when i was a young man i ended up in siberia and when we arrived at the barrack in siberia the guard said you see this door this is a one-way gate no one leaves here alive that was his greeting and he said with the frostbite and the cold and the hard labor and the hopelessness what kept him going was is that he would one day get back to the love of his mama and tata and he did escape siberia and he got back except there was nothing left hitler had killed his father and his mother that's what he had to greet him no family and he fell into despair and he met the kazanish secretary let me tell you a story let me tell you there was a wealthy man who did a brisk trade there was a big urid a market and he would go and amass money once a year and buy a lot of merchandise he knew what to buy cheap and the whole year he would fly in the merchandise for a good profit and he was a wealthy man and he did this every year one year the week before the urid he came down with a heavy fever and he told his wife look you have no choice i'm going to tell you what to do and you're going to have to go i i can't go this year and it's it's our prognosis you're going to have to go so he said well i'll uh she said i'll go i'm scared i was never in the big market and she went and there was a lot of noise and she was a housewife a very timid woman she was very frightened and suddenly there was a huge horse and buggy that came crashing behind her and she got so scared she fell down as she got up she recovered herself brushed herself off went to the to the to the vendor that was expecting her and she gets there she picks out the merchandise and then she looks at the basket the money is not in a basket you have to understand this was millions of rubles so a big shrine goes out in the market who found money and it happened to be a yid founded and the yid looks at her and says oh yeah you say it's your money how do i know it's your money so she said oh no problem i know exactly i counted it i wrapped it she told them the amount the bills he said oh very nice it is your money so she said he says i went to yeshiva i know i know this is a market that's aruba gayam it's a market that's rife gayam and if it's rife gayam then you're mewish you'll be ish listen i have a family i don't have to return it to you my family needs this money hashem hashem gave it to me so she started crying it's their whole panasonic so a crowd you know you know how people come and this one is saying she's right this one's saying he's right so finally the crowd said covener of rebutzicalcon inspector so the man said okay i'll go to the covenant roof so they go to the covenant of and the covenant rob looks at him sternly and says first thing give her back the money yeah come the rob says to give back the money he gives back the money he says why he says it's very simple it's not her money it's her husband's money huh it's not has to be me ish it's her husband's money husband doesn't even know what happened yet there's no cell phones the husband wasn't me ish get back the money because anish tells jacob golinski you you're being me ish it's not yours your world it's the amish this world you have no right to be me ish it's a rabbi nishalam's world we have to do the best we can and it's not up to us to be me ish now i mean it's it's easy to say but after going out and you got me set up and it just doesn't go anywhere and you see clearly that the person is not for you and it happens time and time again it's hard but the back the only the only thing that means is is that the revenue something is going to give you more reward for trying but you got to try because that's what the rabbinician wants and you say yeah but i'm getting comfortable i like living that's what the eights are i like living alone i can do what i want when i'm cold up put on the heat when i'm hot i'll put on the air conditioner when i want to leave the wedding i'll leave when i want to stay i'll stay what do i need this for i assure you that that's only the eight sahara it's leitover we have to know this to be a fact and remember when you want something then you get seated asylum that all those that are looking should find something terrific quickly another question related to dating another question i recently went out with someone and discovered that they lied about their age when i spoke to the shotgun she said everybody does it what's the dos torah about this practice you know i remember after my first rabbitson passed away and i waited charles regulum i just turned 60 and i said i wish i could say i was 59. 59 sounds a lot better than 60. but the fact of the matter is is do you really think we we we just have to do ishtables durbansham is going to send us our best do you really think that the rabbinician wants the status of lying that's what a person has to say after all i think i'm making gestalt and i feel that the good girls that i'm looking for won't date me if i'm this age but that's only because we don't believe in hashem fully of course we believe in hashem but but if we believe that the rabbinisham is the one that's doing it do we really think that that's ishtables to lie when i shall ms when everything else it says enough but by lying it's not enough to say like the shockwave says now besides that it's it's completely foolish to lie about your age because you pay 15 on the internet you can get the person's driver's license so unless they don't know how to drive and unless they don't have a birth certificate you could find these documents so then people will find out that you're lying is that what you want so no one should lie about their age i but if their age is not so appealing the rabbinician will give you what you deserve next question okay ask by phone i find many things in my life going wrong is there a way i can diagnose why this is happening to me here's a person that who was walking up the stairs he slipped and he tore his meniscus elena then he had a stock that was very good and then they found the ceo of the company was a thief and his stock went down 30 points then he gets home and his wife tells him that the brand new water boiler cracked and there's a flood in the basement his daughter goes to the dentist and they say she needs three implants each one is six thousand dollars and then he gets a letter from the school that they're raising his tuition for each child two and a half thousand dollars he has nine children so he's having a bad day you know what i mean so he wants to know he says obviously something's wrong so it's interesting it says in german brachas if a person sees she is soon born we have a way of blaming things on everyone else the school isn't fair with their policies my stockbroker was wrong right the person that sold me the water tank swindled me the car mechanic tricked me into buying the car everything is but that's all we all know that if some things go wrong you fashveish permissive a person should search their deeds now how can we narrow it down so the first thing is a lot of people know what they're doing wrong let's say for example here's a person that yells a lot at home he says to himself everybody does it what can you do i'm an excitable fellow i'm a guardian i'm looking a remake but lamisi is he's making his wife life miserable the children are becoming nervous wow look at that kaboom another one wow must be a real hot chair the xr is not very happy with it funny thing batteries are not like seeds if you put them in the wrong way they don't grow seeds aren't that way miller used to say seeds are mini computers no matter how you put them in the root goes down and the plant goes up it's not that way with batteries you have to put them in the right way if you put them in the wrong way you could shake it you can it doesn't go okay so people know what needs taken some people are hardened talkers ensure other people are tough bosses yet other people have roving eyes and they looking too much at the women other people fight with their siblings other people are terrible gossips so we get people have a good sense what to look at and then there's using me to connect and meet the backwards and that is taking a good look what's happening to me you know it's a lot of things are going wrong with money i had to pay shell out money for this i have to shell out money for that am i giving to dhaka am i being stingy with my wife am i honest with my workers you know i'm getting these headaches i can't take it getting headaches are you using your head for the right things what are you using your head for is it a hangitan in learning [Music] that's another good diagnostic tool asked by phone no submitted by a text does the rub think that backyard weddings and bar mitzvahs are the wave of the future no because if backyard weddings and bar mitzvahs are going to become the wave of the future then we're going to make backyard weddings into 100 000 weddings there'll be tree planters that will make all the trees shine they'll be the entire garden will be redone and spiffed up there'll be lights hanging on the whole block there'll be sound systems from a satellite in the sky believe me if we make weddings in the backyard we'll find a way i already heard this from somebody you think i'm saving money it's costing me a lot of money in the backyard what i think should be the wave of the future is that when somebody saw they had a backyard wedding and what an oil it took off them in panasonic and they saw you know i really had time to spend with the people that are most important to me that should stay i'm not trying to take away business from the hall from the caterer it's hashem we should get back to the hall and be able to dance on a dance floor but we should learn not to spend beyond our means that's what we need to learn we don't have to have every tom dick and harry every rumor and shipment of living we shouldn't be i know somebody who took out a mortgage in order to make a wedding so he's going to pay the next 30 years or 15 years for six hours is that insane so that's the takeaway the takeaway we should learn that we could do it when we have to that we should live within our means and invite the people for the intimate meal that we want to be frail with not just because well he invited me four children ago and i see him when i'm traveling sometimes to the country and and i have to invite this person because if not they're gonna talk about it no we shouldn't make weddings like that how can i succeed at viewing myself with objectivity so this is this question is based on the fact that adam kara vatsalatsuma and the curve is possible right if you're a relative you can't give testimony so how we able to view ourselves if we're a curve or to put it a different way because i'll tell us my a person doesn't see their own faults but if that's true if you can't see your own faults and you can't view yourself because you're possible haters then how are you supposed to improve and if you don't improve then you're not really succeeding in the main purpose in life hashem is not going to give us reward for the raw materials he's going to give us for how we change right that's why the letter hey which this world was created keeper it says that it's open at the bottom because if you don't hold fast you're going to go down the abyss so your mother says why is there a crack on the top it's not like a hest is a crap so because if you wanna you could come through the crack and do chuva says why can't you come from where you fell lawyers diamonds you have to change but this is the letter that the world was created with the purpose of the world is to change but if you can't view yourself with objectivity how are you going to change so we're taught make for yourself a rebbe the rebbe will tell you what you don't want to hear the rebbe will say i don't understand you why aren't you eating a mask you have older parents at home the rebbe's not going to take any monkey business whoever is going to say why are you driving like that where are you going you working fatsula why are you driving like that why are you walking around without a mask amongst the and causing a khalasha what are you doing you're going to rest stop without a mask what are you doing a good friend you have to buy buy doesn't mean with money by means you you you get a good friend by calling him often by being there when your friend needs you by taking the time when your friend needs to talk you have a good friend a friend that cares about you not a yes person friend that cares about you then the friend will tell you you know i don't think you're right about this you're not spending enough time with your family so a rabby and a friend helps an objectivity now if you're lucky to have a good spouse a spouse also the gemara says that even even if your wife is short gorham bend down velocity and whisper you know why because you know your wife has your best interest at heart buttak balay baila good wife you have smart parents parents only want the best for their children these are the way to achieve objectivity that is another way to learn muscle and if you have a hard time learning messages on it's too lofty it's too lofty you have a hard time learning for yourself others it doesn't seem to be it doesn't seem to be up to date with your way of living read biographies of good islam that's a muslim and you'll gain objectivity by comparing your life to the ways of dialogue submitted by text covet 19 has created a new phenomena of porch lawn and backyard mignon many find they like the convenience camaraderie and lack of formality and they're not itching to return to shul is this wrong this is a problem person usually have to walk seven eight blocks to show and walk back seven eight blocks and then there's ensure a lot of different people some people he doesn't care for you know sure after all schuler is made up of tibet said he conveyed in a regime and then there's long bishop erics and rob's roger and now he sits on his porch on a comfortable beat puts on his tallis and he doesn't have to work not a block he doesn't even have to walk down the steps and there's no mischievous and there's no drushes and it's chick jack he says this is the life this is the life i can do this backyards are good for barbecues backyards are good for beach chairs we have a shoe for a reason it's called the basic knesses the remarkable renault champion we dive into a place that has seven sephora tyra for a reason it has a kedusha we live in a place that's saturated we're learning with torah we daven and we hear different kedusha from arov we get a mishabai riff after the torah because when you do the mitzvah tara barabin it creates such an aids to us and that you could have me shabariks you know how much blessing and nachas comes from these mischievous and then we have skype series the reward of walking to joel that's that's of coming home from sure and the ability to dabbing for the masses and tadavan for those people that are not your kind of people it's a big scores so the backyard binyamin are very biddy of it hashem we have them when we need them but we should pray that that i should be able to go to the house of hashem with passion there was a time that the nazis the inquisition did not allow us to congregate to sure and we had to cower in our basements we asked hashem please let us return to the miktashmat we pined for that day someone asks by text somebody in my bungalow colony is going to the pool dressed improperly they pass right by me should i say something oh yeah yeah yeah yeah this is a very very difficult problem we know that one of the lessons of tish above about cancer is that he said look the rabbonum didn't protest and therefore he slandered them to the romans the governor says that whoever is able to protest and doesn't protest is nit fast is an accomplished to the crime so we have to protest when we can but it also says when you do it you shouldn't do a sin the first thing you have to know is is that the cannot have any other agenda if you don't like the person then we are told not to be mashiach it has to be the shame shamani that's number one number two you have to be careful not to to in most cases not to cause the people person tremendous shame says he would be surprised if there is in our generation people that know how to give to but we must know to leave it alone is also dangerous because if a bungalow count only has women that go to the pool not sneer stick so then the next year more people will come that dress that way because they say that i hear people could go that way and that brings down the whole colony and other people see it and they say you know it's not so bad so i don't have to wear socks so i don't have to be careful look out she dresses and that's why it's important for a colony to have somebody in charge amarahara doesn't have to be an official position but somebody has to set the rules for the colony for the development what happens if the boys want to go out and play basketball on shabbos do we want to have that in the colony do we want our younger children to grow up thinking that's the norm what happens if on a friday night the young teenagers start congregating boys and girls together do we want that to continue what happens if at the parable court some of these teenagers start to take out a cigarette or maybe marijuana do we want to sanction that in our development in our colony so it would be good if this man that saw this woman should be able to go over to the rabbi and say you know rabbi this is what i saw and the rabbi will say you know what i'm going to speak about it on shabbos that we have norms and we have expected behavior especially for nations each and deal with it that way but there is a responsibility because otherwise it it it becomes an infection and you know what happens with an infection if you don't treat it it spreads rabbi can we surmise why hashem brought covert 19 upon the world so okay surmise is the correct word we definitely cannot say with the close of the gemara we can't say why things happen that's why nobody could say why the holocaust happened we were able to say why the tummy rabbit keeper died naturally nova carved but with the clothes of the gemara we can't say anything anymore but we can surmise the sarah toyotsky said that we find quarantine only once in the torah bahamita yeah and therefore he said that of course we should look to the sin of which of course makes eminent sense he doesn't need maya scammer the fact that we're clapping masks over our faces and social distancing shows that hashem feels that we're not really fit for social discussion and the fact that since we don't have the base of english we still have the problem of sinner skinner in our midst which of course is generated by los angeles all points to the fact that there's no question that the pandemic can be linked to lashinara it would also seem to me that we need to be friendlier with each other the fact that hashem is saying stay away and covering our faces as hashem is telling us you know i don't think you've been smiling enough at people i don't think you're being me caval puni people but save upon your office it would seem to me also that the rabbinician sometimes takes something away that we should appreciate it more to the person that walks out under rubs joshua hashem says i want you to miss that russia to the person that hasn't spent enough time with his family because of work hashem says okay i'm going to take away work and i'm going to put you together with your family to the person that's not sitting enough time talking to his wife hashem says you're gonna sit the whole say tonight with your wife and learn to talk to her learn to talk to your husband these are just some possibilities can i benefit from looking back and reflecting upon the last five months of the coronavirus pandemic well i think that it's good to try to keep a diary to look back and remember that beer comets was done by flushing the comets down the toilet to look at the fact that we couldn't meet our rav to ask them to sell the comments but we had to fax the star or email it or do it on the phone that the rov couldn't shake the hands of the guy but had to do it from across the table or from the porch and make the six kidney on him people that went to hotels for the last 15 20 years for the first time had to go out and buy new calend for pesach and then they couldn't even go to the mikveh to be tablet how there were already people careful about not sending baked goods for salah monas how there were people that didn't learn in shul the whole night but had to learn at home the whole night and schmooze yeah it's it's good to look back it's also good to look back to see if we took the opportunity did we take the opportunity to pay for the doctors and the nurses did we pray for all those that were suffering on ventilators did we pray not to become sick did we take the opportunity to call the people that were alone single people elderly that couldn't go out and couldn't join their families did we call them it's important to think about these things and if we didn't again i think we need to sharpen once again our empathy and try to do it now you know when when i dive in and allah tadikin i pray for all those tariq i pray for rev david who's not doing well but i pray for the tzadikim that i know that they shouldn't become sick although many of them are still exposed to a lot of people they have to learn what to do we have to la islam we have to pray not to become sick the commandment shabbos is so important now especially as we worry that there shouldn't be a second wave submitted by text what can i do to wean myself away from watching movies in our day and age movies are much more seductive than they've ever been first of all it used to be that people were embarrassed to buy a television i remember kenny allman told me that he went into a store in flatbush and asked to buy an air conditioner and the storekeeper asked him if he could give him the air conditioner in a television box so he looked at him what he said yeah i need the air conditioner boxes for the televisions people used to have to smuggle televisions into their house they don't have to do that anymore they have a computer a computer is legal they have a a a laptop that they learn to dive on but on that they could also get netflix and amazon prime and hulu and all kinds of other things and they could watch and people are tired they want to rest without work and watching a movie is is restful and it takes them away from their drudgery and from their problems and it's very seductive that's the way yatsar is that by the way that's where avoided zara was i'm like the zara was very seductive loving that trophy him he told him what's going to happen is very seductive without him so you have to know so how do you it's and once you start it's so enjoyable how do you stop so the first thing that you have to know is that you have to look at the long the long haul the big picture the big picture is is this world is only 120 years and the next world is trillions of years and the person that spends so much time watching enjoyable waste that's what it is it's enjoyable waste it's enjoyable it's fun it's relaxing but it's waste he's to regret it she's going to regret it forever and ever and ever and a person has the hazardous uber over and over again i'm going to regret it forever and ever and ever that's number one number two a person has to know that what they watch becomes embedded in their mind now they want to embed in their mind nitrous they don't want to embed in their mind the women of walt disney that's not what they want to embed in their mind brainstorm is going to see afterwards that's what's in your mind here a person comes up and in his mind is all kinds of usaid satire and this person comes up and his mind is embedded with science fiction and romance and so a person has to say to himself is this what i wanna is this what i wanna make out of myself that person has to talk to himself to herself a person also wants to say what i want to have a desire for my wife i don't want to have to have a competition because i saw another woman that was they took that woman and they took it to the beauty parlor and they changed her clothes every minute for each frame and they maybe changed her hair style and they freshened her up and they changed the lighting i don't want to have that competition with my my wife it says that cain isha al-bailah the cane of a woman is on her husband that's only if it's a person that's not watching television prisoners watching television so he has all the the starlets that are competing for his attention with his wife does that is that what i want for myself so what a person has to say and then the person has to say is this what i want my children to remember ah montato flicked cooking off the movies person wanted to say i remember my tata hovering over at afghan remember i remember my father sat glued to the netflix is that what we want a person has to constantly ever and ever and ever until he becomes disgusted and he stops and she stops i uh want to take the opportunity again to thank the jurgen and to thank all of you thank shelley for coming and uh we want to remind you that the airgun has a dinner what day okay the details will follow but it's we know that the dinner of the ergun is a very special event so please support it thank you for coming out you know it's very easy to sit and watch to share uh on the computer but it gives a cheers to everybody when you come out so thank you for coming out both men and ladies and we should all be healthy and have everything wonderful and i could already watch wish you since it's after tuba of i could wish all of you a kasiva kasima honor rabbi wise i should have to mr mr zev friedman for sponsoring tonight good luck to your biggest character make use of this opportunity to help support retards that buses start worldwide throughout the year by putting an ad in honor of a magazine you enjoyed or giving you a generous donation for commenting on every night from a