Ask The Rabbi Q&A Forum - Rabbi Moshe Meir Weiss Shlita

You don't have somebody helping you anymore. >> Camera's on my boy Hashem Shame like to welcome everyone to tonight's sh from her wife would like to give a big shakaya to our baby for sponsoring tonight's sh in honor of Rabbi Weiss. We would like to give a big shakur to Rabbit Sal Klein for sponsoring tonight's share in honor of Rabbi Weiss. Like to give a big shak to the family for the sponsorship of tonight's shishmas right to Mr. Mrs. Fisher for the support for tonight's shar in honor of Rabbi Mhame may wisely leader for enlightening our family with Torah for over two decades great is sponsoring a shir or to put a ad in the dinner journal in honor of the dinner of ignure next Monday night August 18th of worldwide throughout the year call or email istivet.com tonight we have the covered habados once again of rais fairways in Lakewood on the ask the rabbi question and answer forum shas on various topics sh etc all the shas have been presubmitted and will be asked by zaitlin so I covered the call on rabbi wise for tonight's Russia Thank you Rabbi Distabba. with tremendous appreciation to Rabbi Bald and Gun Shir Tyra for the incredible Harbat's Tyra Tyra is worldwide theim reach to every corner of the globe when so many didn't gather to learn Ty creates a keshm and gives tremendous toe. It's nice to see so many familiar faces here. Thank you all for coming. We can't have these without the live attendance. So although many people could sit in the comfort of their home but it's making a you get the we welcome the ladies special thanks to my rabbitson Shashi for coming with me and accompanying me all the way from Lakewood. I want to thank my uh dear friend Sheldon Zaitlin for uh coming home early from work today traveling from Marine Park in order to be our shy. is also my uh faithful editor. what you read in the uh views in the Lakewood school shopper in the Jewish press formerly also in the country is all those articles he takes the dictation while I'm driving and uh then he edits them professionally and sends them back to me. I give the last sniff and then it's off to all of the papers. So he is a very big part of the process. Thank you very much. Hashem should give you the gizont that you should be able to do it for many years. >> Amen. >> Before doing a Q&A, I asked the I should know what to say. I shouldn't make any mistakes. It should find in the eyes of Hashem and all of our viewers and listeners. Thank you, Rabbi. Before we start, I'm I just want to say I'm very very honored to ask the questions tonight. And um I also want to publicly express to you my great gratitude to Hashem for bringing us together in this long relationship that we've had even since uh I lived in Denver many years ago. I recall that when I spoke at your dinner, 25th anniversary of being Larv in Staten Island, I mentioned at that time that I had without a doubt listen to your voice more than I had listened to anyone else's voice in the world. And um that was through the miracle of tapes and CDs and live. And um you've changed my life. And so because of that, I I simply want to say that you can change other people's lives. And the rabbi is on Zoom every night for Adafathyomi. and uh he is on Zoom for uh Mishna Yomomas. He gives a humir every week um and a for the Shabas table and I'll give my phone number if you'd like in additional information. You can zoom in and I'll tell you how to do that and I can be reached at 347 345647. um his sharimum are found on kolaian YouTube YouTube to anytime and um wherever you get your news. So with that thank you very very much. Um, first question, why do we allow collectors to come into the shel in the middle of davening one after another and disturb everyone's concentration? Wouldn't it be better for them to wait outside and collect when people are exiting and entering the shul? One wonders whether this question is coming from the Yates to or the Yates. To me, I relish when a collector comes over to me during Davening because in it says that when we davin, we should feel as if we're an oni. We should feel as a beggar. Like said, I ask for I ask for a freebie and surely us. So if I'm coming to Hashem like a beggar, what better than I should give to a beggar to a collector while I'm davening and enlist that incredible mida mida. Hashem, look, I'm coming to you like a beggar and look how I'm taking care of this beggar, how I'm taking care of this collector. It is an absolutely incredible opportunity. I want to know that if the the person that's worried about being momentarily disturbed by the beggar, does he put away his cell phone or does the cell phone not bother him because it doesn't cost any money? The idea also of lining up the collectors outside which is done in certain shooles is nauseating to me. It's like a beggar's row. It marks them. Look at the Look at that row of nebs. Look at that row of poor people. It always to me was something. There's a golden rule in giving saddaka. The only would prefer to be hungry rather than be embarrassed. That's a golden rule. That's why gimmel dalid which stands for gimmel dalum the dalid has the back turned to the gimmel to make sure that you don't embarrass the honey. Anyone that came up with the idea of having the hanam stand outside and sit there idly until people come out and come in as if to say your time is of no value to us. you just wait there until when we're ready and stand there as marked men is such a shameful action that to me is the antithesis of kali Israel who are known as bishim people that are very sensitive to shame. So I always resisted any idea of not allowing people to come in to collect and I say that we know that the shul is on the rabinam's GPS you know when you you look at your navigator some places get onto the navigator other places you put in the name they don't recognize it if collectors are coming in Yeshua then you know that it's under navigator and hooray for that noi of our davant in our neighborhood several families have dogs who visit them see the family comes together around the dog and it brings the more w more more warmth to the family now our children are asking looking for a dog. Is that the Torah thing to do? Dogs are creeping their way into the Jewish community. What is a obvious exhibition of V crystals which means that what we find by the Gim and what works by the Gim seeps into the Yiddisha culture. A dog is not a Jewish thing. The dog is the oen shabay says that the boldest mostic animal is the dog. The dog that is one of the three creatures that had illegal beer on the tava was punished that it's the only creature that has a leash tied around its neck. Now don't get me wrong, a dog has its saving graces. We wouldn't have called Ben if a kh doesn't have positive features. The dog is known for its loyalty. Kh is k with all its heart. A dog does not bite the hand that feeds it. And therefore it is very seductive especially for people that don't have friends. A dog is man's best friend. Now the says that is very careful with a dog. Because you see, even if the dog is harmless, but its bark can scare a pregnant woman and cause her to be scared. The Gmorra says that once a dog was walking and barked at a pregnant woman and the owner said, "Don't worry. Don't worry. It doesn't have teeth. And the gar says, "Take your favors and throw it to the horns to the thorns." Blood. The baby already got disconnected. So a dog could be dangerous for pregnant women. He does say small dogs, those that are just lenoi for beauty can be tolerated. But I want to tell my listeners, people that value my opinion, a dog is just people don't realize because I know people that went through it. They get a dog, the family, the children get very close to the dog, then the dog gets sick. And then they spend thousands upon thousands and tens of thousands of dollars of Yiddisha on the dog. I had a case recently. Somebody had a dog and the dog got congestive heart failure and they took the dog, they drained the fluid, they gave the dog treatments. But we have a lot that we need to do with our money. Getting tutoring for our children, a lot of extras. This man admitted to me, "Yeah, the dog cost me or had the dog for 14 years. Dog cost me a lot of money." Then he said to me, "You know, the dog recently died." He said, "You know, I went away overnight with my family. It was very nice. We went on a trip with the dog. We couldn't do it. It's a doggy doggy world. It's an investment. That's now I'm not talking about a service dog. I'm not talking about where a valued therapist says that this child needs a dog to bring out the missing social activity. I'm not talking about that. That dog for therapy, that's a whole different story. Also, we have a limited amount of resources. It's a waste of Jewish emotions to lavish our emotions, our love, our time on a dog. So you'll say, "But what about a childless couple?" The dog will bring company, you know, let them adapt. Let them be a foster parent. Not a dog. There are other avenues for Jews and the dog is not it. That's my opinion. We recently finished the nine days. What should we be taking away from that time of year? The 3 weeks, the nine days is pretty intense. Sitting on the floor gets harder and harder the older we get. I know for me seeing people and not greeting them really whoa it's really hard. I d by the kerba in the summer and I d kis there and after kinesis the reb walked right past me. That never happened since the day that I know him. He's such a warm person. It's gut-wrenching. Not eating meat, not drinking wine, not swimming when it's hot, not listening to music that some people need for their soul. These are all meant to trigger certain things in us. One of my rebbitson's mentors is Rabbi Summer Schwarz known as the Belvian. When he was asked this question, he said succinctly, think a few minutes a day of what we are missing. Now that is such a powerful capsulization. Think about the fact that we don't have the shin in our midst. That we can't go up to and see the miracles. We can't see that there was never a fly in the slaughter chamber of the ba mikdesh. We can't see the heat rising from the bread of the lema upon him. When they brought it out for us to see after a week, heat was still rising. We can't see that when it came to Ali Lorgo, there were more people than when an Olympics comes to town. And yet nobody ever said that there's not enough room for me to lodge. And in a tropical country like Urusai in the old city, no one was ever bitten by a snake or a scorpion. the capora that came from the misbeha we have so many people out of work the fiscal solveny of clalis that came from the shul we don't have the fact that we had sheni that prompted us to take up a trip to see this source of hashem we don't have the fourth question that we're going to be asked when we face Hashem, the heavenly tribunal after did you do business faithfully? Did you make time for Tyra? Did you try to have a good Jewish family? The fourth question is not sham to shabas. It's not to it's not to it's not sharp. It's Yeshua. So after the nine days should be said with meaning. should be said powerfully in Alenu and the toad of rabb and that of yeeshme raba you know everybody talks about the rabba but there's an to the rabb that rabb is an answer to that it should come by gull of Bisman kur although bol and bisman kurv sound like the same thing it's not bisman says it should happen soon means that the process should be speedily but we're answering a before we say a that is that at that time that hashem should be greater and holier in the eyes of more people should happen amen That's the piece of Yeshua. And then we say forever and ever. And when we do that, we cancel out a decree of 70 years. Now, of course, when we talk about the nine days, we also remember that we shouldn't have sin, baseless hatred, senseless hatred. Hatred that comes from jealousy. Hatred that comes because we don't judge people with what they're going through. And hatred that's we're holding on to for decades. For what benefit? For what gain? We had a good reason. But why you holding on to it? That's there's no benefit. Everybody loses. And don't talk. The nine days happened because of just don't talk bad about people. What would Lorav say is one of the great challenges of our generation? The cell phone. Recently I I was giving a share that usually I gave for an hour. This time they asked me for a half an hour. So what happened? The messada told me people can't be away from their cell phones longer than a half an hour. You know in we say and it's very demanding when you sit in your house. And when you go on the road and when you're lying down, wow, that's so all embracing. But that's the cell phone. Forget about the just put instead that fits like a glove. That fits like a glove. I'll tell you something else. It says about the melik that the melik had a safer tra that he took with him all the time. When he was by his table, he had the safety. When he traveled, he had the safety. Today, instead of the safety, everybody has a cell phone that they take with them all over the place. It's the cell phone. Kula rabbit told me it used to be he had go working. The guy go would do their job. Now he has to watch them because every minute that people aren't watching they're on the phone. It used to be that people learned in the car. Now they're on the phone. Used to pe I know. I know this is a word that maybe some of you are not familiar with, but used to be people used to think. I know. Look it up. Look it up in the dictionary. Today, people don't think. If they have a moment, they're scrolling their phones. Don't think anymore. Thinking. What's thinking? If you don't think the cell phone is addictive, then you're not aware of it like many addicts. And if we could try to surgically separate ourselves from the cell phone, we'd be doing ourselves and winning for ourselves a lot of our life back. You might be amazed the smart cell phones keep a log of how much hours you spend on it a day. If you look at it, you might faint. This is something that needs a lot of work. As we are now 70 years since the liberation of the remaining victims of the Holocaust, more than ever, the survivors want us to educate the children so that what happened shouldn't be forgotten. Do you think it's correct to teach about the Holocaust to children? My father was a survivor of Awitz. >> Years. >> That is correct. >> Mhm. >> Se from 45 is 55 plus 25 is 80 years. That's my mistake. 80 years. My father was a survivor of Ashwitz. The survivors were were were obsessed with the idea that it'll just be too horrible for people to believe that it happened. And of course, it's already happening while survivors are still alive. that whole countries are denying its existence and prohibiting its study in in in in secular schools. But even so, I believe passionately that the Holocaust should not be introduced to children. You cannot introduce to children something that the question it promotes is better than the answer. When they start learning about the gas chambers and 12,000 Jews a day, they ask why did Hashem do that to his beloved children? And the answer is we don't know. That's the answer. Our Gam have told us since the close of the Gamarra we don't know why things have happened. You can't tell a child I don't know. Child doesn't understand that. Oh, it starts raising much more serious questions. So the holocaust should absolutely not be taught to children. Can I bemo someone even if they don't know about the mila? Can I bemo them even though they are not repentant? Finally, can I bemo them if I still feel the sting of the embarrassment they caused me or the hurt that they did to me? The answer is a resounding yes. You could be Michael a person regardless of whether they are did chuva. You could be a person even if they're not aware. And you could be a person even if you still feel the pain because that's what we do every year before Zaka in Zaka we make a sweeping statement that I don't want anybody to be punished because of me. You must know that parents are recommended in to be their children. It's a very important discipline for parents. Now, some parents say, you know, you're not fulfilling aim. You're going to get it. That's not a loving parent. It's very dangerous not to do. The lawyer says and I says but we supposed to serve Hashem without thought of reward. So says yes but it's there for the deduction that if you don't honor you won't live long. Woo. So therefore it says that a parent should forgive his children unilaterally. And I believe that this is one of the reasons that it says it ends with a soa one of the says why doesn't it say so he gives an answer which is also very important. He says that if you honor your parents, then they'll pray for you. They'll pray for your well-being. You're there for them. And that's they will prolong your lives. But I think it's also that a parent could prolong their children's lives by being their children. I don't want my children to get punished because of me. That's an act of love that all parents should do for all their children. It's something to get into the habit. Just to come to the sh this was worth it. Now I'll add that I always tell my malabatim before they say zaka I'm dating myself used to be a I don't know if anybody knows what a TV is used to be a TV show called Let's Make a Deal. So you could play let's make a deal with the Rabin. I'll be Michael people even though they don't deserve it. The rats you should be Michael me even though I don't deserve it. If I can't get hold of my RV or my Reb in a pinch, can I ask AI, my Shila, and rely on its answer chat GBT? Who needs a RV? Another reason for saving money. You don't need a RV. Just put up AI in the front seat and wait for it for keshma. It says keshma very quickly. It's digitized. So I I'm I I I I have I'm aware that Rabbi Riseman already went on record refusing to give AI smika. [Music] So I put it to the test. I I did a trial run, you know. I gave it a bakina. I put in the question, just a random question. I put in the question, can somebody learn Torah on tishov after? So it answered me very wisely that the Mishnaber holds that you can. Except it's not true. The Mishna Bura quite emphatically says that you shouldn't learn the whole day. So then I asked it could you give me the source of this Mishnaba which it right away provided me except it gave me the Mishna Bura where Tishab falls on Shabas. Oh Tisha falls out on Shabas after is an entirely different story. So it got a little confused. You can't afford that. The answer is emphatically no. AI cannot be trusted with your sh. There is something you could do. If you're a bent tyra and you can't get a hold of your rabbi, you could ask, "Can you give me a source in the Mishna Brura for this question? Can you give me a source in the igress ma for this issue that you could do? You could use it as a concatia. You can use it as an index, but that's the only thing it's good for. My family never carried on Shabas and Borrow Park. Now I have two brothers-in-law who wheel carriages and have toddlers going around with big wheels on Shabas. To me, it seems sacriiggious and offensive. How am I supposed to tolerate this? We have to know that from the time of the Mishna, we had the very serious subject of a Saras erva. But Sarasa is if Ruben was married to his niece. He was married to Sor his niece and he had another wife before the he was married to Dina. And then Ruben died childless. So Sar and Dina fell to Shim for yeam. Shim cannot be Mab S because it's his daughter. But what about the other the co-wife Dina? Dina is it basil who we pascin like holds that just like there's no yeum for surah there's no yam for dinina and if shim was to be anyway that would be an asious action a brother's wife when it's not a mitzvah and that would be an isurus and the child would be a mam holds that there is a mitzvah of yeam with the Torah with the co-wife. So what would be according to according to and it's a mitzvah and they both practiced their respective ways and they got along and they let each other know the children that would be questionable to the other died. Learning to tolerate another person's viewpoint is a part of Yiddish since the time of the Mishna. The same thing is when your neighbor of a persuasion eats in the home on terrace and you're a who holds it's not even a minute says we sit in the we don't call it a suka we sit in the suka today. Oh, what is he doing in the house? Ah, Ashander Shandanda actually rather a great people in the house. The greatest of the great. We have to learn how to tolerate other people's views. There were 12 paths in the Yamsu to teach us that there's 12 different ways in Yiddish Kai. We have to be able the famous Mes that says that one of the 250 miracles is that the water froze between the 12 paths. But unlike water that freezes that's usually opaque, this water was see-through. says, "Why did Hashem make such an unnecessary miracle?" He says, "It's not unnecessary. You have to know that there's 12 ways and that they should be able to see eye to eye. Mashiach is not coming until we achieve that. It's over here before Shelly continues that I want to insert the last minute question that's not on the papers. I open up my computer today to see that there was a lastm minute question that came in through the gun. It's a very instructive question because it shows how a person could be righteously indignant and completely missed the point. A person wrote with righteous indignation. There's a popular song today. Every kid's a big tadic. Hey, every kid's a big tadic. From his keer to his fella, every kid's a big tadic. The question is said it's a falsehood every isn't a big saddic and to say it detracts from the real sadic and it's a form of khifa. It's a form of flattery which is forbidden. What are we going to do about it? That was the question. It's interesting what people could get excited about. First of all, the originator of this song is one of the truest sadikim that I ever knew. The originator of this song is the Nichollsburg Reb, Rabbi Yong. He's a true Sadic. You know what Saddak is? There's two definitions of a sadic. Sadic is somebody that's pitb who combats his like and a saddic is a person who is who supports and sustains people. That's why was he was you know I like the summer. I get a change. I go to the catskills. I have a nice screened in porch. I play some pickle ball. I have a barbecue. I have my family over. You know what Rabbi Young Rice's summer is? Making sure that there's jelly beans 24/7 for the children. Cockers and blinces and pancakes for people challenge for hungry travelers Thursday night. A minion at any time you want it. You come in there and if it's at the right time, you'll say, "Do you want your We'll have an for you in five minutes." He made this song every year. It's a big tadic. He knows what a tadic is. So the question here and all of us should listen carefully today because he loves them all. He's colorblind. People come in with red shorts and a t-shirt that says Sakatumi and he hugs them and he puts on fillin. He told me that never once is the casher of his fillin the same size. So many people are using his tin and changing the size of his knots. He sees every Y as a because he sees it says Hashem created every man upright. He sees the goodness in them and they need to hear it. Who do you think he's talking to? Obviously he's talking to somebody that could that he could say from his capital to his visa. But there's so many people walking around feeling that they have no value. Their self-esteem is in the garbage. And because of that, they feel that they're lost and they act like lost souls. So he's miming them. [Applause] That's the secret to this niggan. And if everybody would treat more people this way, oh, would it be a better world? And by the way, people go and travel to Kerister. I assure you that the carister rebel would go around singing every it's a big tadic without a question. I could carry on more about this but we have to go further. How do I know when it's the proper time to go to a therapist to deal with a problem and it's not sufficient to speak to a rov or a rabbiton a roshiva or even a wise friend as a followup if warranted are there any guidelines to know how to choose a good therapist? And another followup, when would you recommend seeing a psychiatrist besides or instead of a therapist? There's an American cliche. We've come a long way, baby. the training of Jewish therapists. You know, it used to be that our children did not have many good rebim. The rabbim used to hit children with straps. They would even pull their pants down and hit them. Arabam now are much more trained. Arab are being trained now to recognize if there's a reading problem, if there's dyslexia. They're being trained to see if a child is being abused at home. Our arraim are becoming much more trained. The same thing is true with a therapist. The modalities that are available to therapists today are truly mindblowing. To this I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to my current rebbitson Zang Gazunt Shashi Weiss who is a uh a very very trained and sophisticated and successful therapist LCSWR and through her I became aware fear of the power of a therapy that goes beyond what a RV can offer. A RV can meet with a person or a couple and educate them on what they're doing wrong and show them the right thing to do. If the RV is a good RV, he could even give them tips and strategies. And he could also institute um punishment so to speak if the uh uh participants don't uh you know behave correctly like Rav can insist that a a couple separate But there are situations where a person even if they want to do what is correct, they have blockages and they might not even realize why they have these blockages. One of the modalities that my wife practices is today uh very hot and very sought after. It's called IFS, internal family systems. You see, I'll give you a simple example here. You have a child that grew up in a bluecollar home. [Music] Parents were rough and tumble people doing manual labor wearing corduroys, speaking not the king's English. And this child had a cousins that were not blue collar but blue blood. They were fancy. They spoke very refined. And whenever this child went to them, the child felt that she was being snubbed and she felt shamed. Now that carried on as she grew older and herself became much more successful. But when she was with certain people, she shut down. She got tense. She didn't even know why. But this carried over from her youth. It's what c what's called in the shop talk as exiles and her protector protected her from such situations. She avoided such situations. That's one little example. The treatment of IFS goes in into that little child, unbburdens the little child, explains that you're not that little child anymore. It actually talks to the little child. Now, this is just a simple example. There could be another example of a woman who lost her husband and she was a widow. She raised a child. That child could never show grief, could never complain because she didn't want to upset her mother. So she bottled it up. Later on when she has a child, she can't ch tolerate the child's whining and complaining because her younger self never allowed herself to be that way. This is complex and people don't realize that these mechanics impact them later in their marriage, in their relationships. They don't even know what they don't even know it. So there are times for a therapist even if the rabbi says to them what to do but they can't. They have a block and they don't even know where the block is coming from. The followup was and by the way Yiddishkite always felt it's very important. It even prefaced to ref how important this raffes. So the question was do I have guidelines on how to choose a good therapist? Certainly. First of all, there are organizations that know which therapists know their modalities. I think it's called Rafua. >> Nephesh, >> huh? >> Nephesh is one. >> Nephesh. Rafua. Also, it's of the most absolute importance that women should use women and men should use men. on burdening yourself to a therapist. And the development of trust and something called transference could cause the client or the patient to be attracted to the therapist, which would be a nightmare if it's of a different gender. It also is absolutely imperative that it should be a shyra mitzvah because otherwise the therapist could make recommendations which are nightmarish to our therapist should respect the sanctity of a marriage and how important it is. The therapist should respect the honor of keepova aim even in difficult situations. Now the third f the second followup was when is a psychiatrist called for? Here is another problem. There are chemical and hormonal imbalances. Now, no amount of talk is going to solve that. And that's where a person, a clinician who's very trained in medicine, it has to be very trained. There's a delicate calibration of these medicines that could wreck a person if it's not done with incredible experience. where psychiatrist comes in. A lot of times a psychiatrist though is not enough because the damage done needs also the slow help of a therapist as well. There are certain psychiatrists that do talk therapy as well. It's very rare. Now therapy is expensive. That's a problem. Not everybody could afford it. There are certain good therapists that work in clinics. There are certain therapists that have some pro bono clients. There are certain therapists that will know where there are organizations that can help. There is a possibility also that a relatively short time of onetoone therapy can be then supplemented with online workshops and and others seminars. But this needs the wisdom of a good RV together with the therapist to decide if they're ready for that. Amazingly, it's only 12 days to the awesome month of Alo. How do I shift from the lazy days of summer to the intense and critical days of Alo? And what would you recommend we do to get a jump on Alo? Look, all we have to do is think about what happened this year. All we have to think about is the atrocities of October 7th that happened to our people. All we have to do to do is see how the world is changing all around us. with anti-semitism in every corner of the globe. All we have to do is look around me. What happened in Texas? Ma house went up in fire. one of the towns in in in Lakewood, just a block from my daughter that lives in Westgate. Ma, look at how many car accidents, how many people lost their lives, how many soldiers died to know what's at stake on Rashashana. And we only have a month to prepare for rashishana when starts. That should get us galvanized. What do I recommend we do to get a jump on? I recommend that we start training ourselves to make. We start training ourselves to go from the morning moment we say till the last and learn how to go through our day. that the best protection is to make ourselves needed. The more we are needed, the more Hashem keeps us. Are we making ourselves needed in our marriage with our parents, with our children? Are we getting ready to give more sedaka? Because of the 613 mitz, it's sedaka which is we have to get ready our mindset to give a lot of sedaka. If we want our mouths to be able to plead with Hashem during, we have to clean them. Have to stop yelling at home. We have to stop saying anything that's not clean. God forbid. We have to stop lying. We have to stop being angry. And we have to stop speaking bad about people. We have to intensify our Torah because that's Megan Matle and it's a good start. Is there ever a time we should give up on an off the Derek child? The answer to that question is a simple no. Should never give up. We have a even if we say Hashem, I did what I could. But he's your child just like he's my child. You have pain just like I have pain. Although I don't know what to do anymore. But you could surely do it. And I'll love the child till the day I die. Please, Hashem, help. Now, this doesn't mean that we always have to have interaction with the child. If interaction with the child makes us sick, gets us super depressed causes us nightmares not to be able to sleep, then we withdraw. We never give up. We do whatever minimally we can. Maybe not visually, but at least on the phone, we do whatever we can. And there are specialists in every area, whether it's in the homosexual community, the lesbian community, or the even more um traumatic trans community. There are specialists that can help us and guide us to show us what limited amount we can still do for a child. Recently, there's been a spike of people dying before their time in hospitals. Are there things we need to know as caretakers to try and avoid this? Yes, we need to be vigilant. The moneydriven hospitals because everything is driven by money. The moneydriven hospitals do not have the Torah concerns at all in their sight. We need to be ever vigilant and we have to get people that know there are advocates. There areim that are aware of the problems. Something for example as the euphemism it's called hospice. Hospice sounds like it's very merciful to give for free as much medicine so that the person shouldn't have any pain. But in the small print they tell you but you can't give antibiotic anymore to the ka maybe not even food and starve them to death that's euthanasia that's murder so a person has to know we have organizations such and other organizations and other activists in the hospital. Enlist them because there's a lot that might be happening that you might not even be aware of as a caretaker. Recently, there's been a tugof-war between my parents and my spouse. Where do my loyalties lie? And how do I navigate the allimp important mitzvah of a man forsakes his father and his mother and he has loyalty to his wife. If it only says loyalty in two places to cleave to Hashem and our first loyalty is to our spouse and if parents are interfering too much in the marriage if there's no other move to another country your loyalty is to your spouse which continues on to your children and your family unit. Having said that, if possible, a spouse should want their spouse to do kib because they want their spouse to live a long life and that comes with kibain. So, it's a balance. But if you have to heir, you have to heir on the side of your spouse. I have a full-time job and a large family. I also try to have date night with my wife and outings with my children. I learn the dafomi religiously, seven days a week. I feel pretty good about my learning output. Am I right or am I just kidding myself? Somebody who learns is to be applauded. But if he only learns, he's not fulfilling. Let's say a person gets up before davening before he goes to work and he learns an hour. Bravo. But when they ask him, it means did you learn every 12 hours of your life? And if he didn't learn also something in the night, he's going to have failed. Also, a good Jew needs to know what to do. So one should try since it says one should try to have some sort of diet of learning. It could be in English. It could bear. It could be online. Also, in the world that we live in today where people could stray from Hashem very easily, it's good to have a little muser in our diet as well. In another direction, is there a time that it's appropriate to take leave of the dafyomi and embrace other pursuits such as dear shu hala, the learning of your shami or perhaps learning like the good old yeshiva days when Shapiro together with the charb instituted and instituted they didn't give an expert expiration date. They didn't say learn it two cycles and then you know go on to other projects. They didn't do that. Which leads me to humbly believe that as you get more advanced in dy you could then not leave it but add to it. But in my mind the person there's no way to get attached to shas and review it like the daffy. So I'm humbly on my sixth cycle teaching it and uh while it's I think it's getting a little easier to prepare it, I would never think of stopping it but adding to it. So now I'm also teaching the so I'm doing something else. Person could add to it but I don't think they should forsake it. The shine is still a nightmare for thousands of wonderful families particularly for those without the resources to support a young man in Kell. The pickings are very slim. Can you give us some much needed advice? [Music] If I could give the right advice, I'd be a very rich man. So we said earlier that when we go up to heaven the third question that Hashem is going to ask us isaka verivia. Did you try to have a Jewish family? Many people say that embedded in that question of asakiria verivia is did you get involved in helping other people have a Jewish family? for you. You know, something that's not on a person's radar is not on their mind. That's why our children when they were growing up, they didn't realize that mommy left Friday night to go to the mikvah. Because the needs of our neighbors and our friends and our ra relatives need to be on our mind. You know there's some families that the reason why their children don't have shiden is because their parents are quiet people. They don't know how to open their mouth. They don't know how to network. Spot that and help them network. Even if it's as simple as getting putting together a sheet with a list of 20 and give it to them and say start calling or pay someone to call for for you. We need to get involved. You know my daughter, my oldest daughter Khani, she put together a list of shat and on the list it says this one specializes in a working boy and this one specializes in a short-term learner and this one specializes in a a single over 35 and this one specializes and she gives it to people and it gets them started. But it has to be a milsa dam has to be something on your radar. Every day we should pray in schmma for these girls and boys that cry themselves to sleep in their pillows. The parents that cry themselves in their pillows. We should know how to market our children. Yeah, we don't have a lot of money, but our daughter really has a sophisticated ability to make money. We should make sure that the people that they're calling up about our children are people that are articulate. You won't believe it. People give it, "Do you know them?" "Yeah, I know them." "Do you know them?" Well, I don't really know them well, but you know, they gave you as a ref reference. Yeah, I mean, I see I see her. She looks nice. This is a reference. Make sure your references are articulate. Okay. Regrettably, this is the last one. Put on your hard hat. The upcoming mayoral election in New York City has highlighted how numerous and powerful are the voices of rabid anti-semmites who are living amongst us. Even more troubling is the fact that myriads of them are uninformed left-wing Jews. What does Hashem want from us in this situation? the absolute unnatural reality that after October 7th when we would think that it would turn the world to be compassionate and caring ing to the Jews who were slaughtered, men, women, and children, butchered. People broke in their homes and killed children and mothers coldbloodedly. And yet the reverse happened. It started a wave of anti-semit. It doesn't make sense. Doesn't make sense. And since it doesn't make sense, it means clearly that it's Goddriven. It's driven by Hashem. The same way that the government started coming into our schools and meddling and telling us what to teach and what not to do, which was a sure sign that the rabbi was very very very unhappy with theem going on in so many schools with the Torah boys with their English teachers. We have to know that there's a lot of in our communities. The way our people many times drive is utterly nauseating. Cars going through red lights. Cars turning in front of other cars. Mish right in front of them. Cars triple parking. cars honking after midnight. There's very healthy going on. There's that abounds in every direction. People go into supermarkets. They stop popping food into their mouths in front of people, giving it to their children. and the guy see it. It's it's the the thee that is around in so many areas is is is frightening. Hashem doesn't like that. It didn't make sense that the Egyptians went against the Jews. Doesn't make sense. We saved Matim. Y saved Mat. They would have all died. Their food rotted. We were heroes. But when we start getting too close to the says the medish, So sometimes when we get too close to the Gim, Hashem pushes us away. It is frightening that such a rabid anti-semitic mayor who October 8th was already pro Palestinian should have even a chance, let alone a majority gunning for him. It's something that we have to pray about. It's all in the hands of Hashem. But I also think that each and every one of us has to say how do we look in the eyes of the GA? What do they see about a religious Jew? How do they see that we behave? Because Hashem might want something from this. You know, when those children behave bad with their English teachers, it's not in a vacuum. If the parents would demonstrate proper cover, they wouldn't do that. This is something that really needs each and every person to take a look and to try to repair. I want to thank you all very much for coming. It's already after tuba. So I have the opportunity to be able to wish all of you to thank to thank all those that view this year that are listening to the share. There's a dinner coming up. Please support the efforts of Shirra. As uh Shelley Zaitlin has said, every night I give a zoom daf yi. It's very easy to join me now. The daffy is at 8:30. You go to zoomdaf.com and put in meeting code my initials capitals rmmw and presto. You become part of our zoom family. You could then learn how to be listen to the kumir and join us for the shabas table. And of course everything is can be seen on anytime.com can be heard on kalashin and can be watched also on YouTube. Thank you all for coming and have a wonderful summer shame. Mrs. Bash for inspiring Josh to baby spy for sponsoring tonight for sponsoring tonight. to the family sponsoring tonight to Mr. Mrs. Fisher for the support of tonight in honor of Mush for enlightening our family with terra for over two decades is sponsoring for the annual dinner of agent next which is next Monday August 18th call 7188518651 or email isth.com Amen. [Music] Amen. [Music] >> Amen. We are