Interview with Joel Wolh about wedding craziness.

so let's get let's get moving hi max teen UK you came across my radar and a lot of other people's when you did that a big article in the Army magazine about wedding expenses you're trying to make a wedding for $10,000 I saw I posted I saw it it was very interested very intrigued by the idea my whole family discussed it I'm sure why later I wrote a post that went viral about wedding invitations I wrote that I don't I don't see these paper invitations they come half the time they get thrown out I don't know what the point is it's a waste of money send me a text send me an email and then someone connected us and this they brought us together so we're talking today and I'd love to learn about who you are what made you take on this campaign what brought you to this place okay so let me tell you this Joel the whole thing started I mean the financial services business for the past 20 years already and I I see people's finances I see where this drug linked I see where they have goals and I see where all their goals in their planning fall apart when it comes to simcoe's when it comes to making happiness and a few weeks ago about six weeks ago I think it's already six weeks my son got engaged with Hashem and I had a conversation with the McCormick's hidden you know he's a hard working person and he's making / no sir but he doesn't have extra money to just throw in the garbage like most of us don't have and if we had a conversation that we want to make sure we're only going to spend money on things that we really feel is important and things that we feel that we want to do we want to spend and after making that decision I thought to myself so many hundreds of people thousands of people are having you know making simplest and at the time that their sensor should be the time of the life that should be the most precious time the most beautiful time they fall apart and things don't work for them and this could stop so I I came up with this thing you know what let me do a ten thousand dollar wedding challenge I'm gonna try to make this wedding for less than that that ten thousand dollars now when I say tent in Dallas I don't mean 10,000 lot at the wedding night I mean from the l'chayim until ft shaydee brokers shouldn't cost more than $10,000 and a lot of people mistake with that they think that I'm talking about the wedding night I'm talking about the whole package Okwe become a cult shouldn't be more than $10,000 now when I did it I wasn't sure if I'm going to succeed with it I thought maybe I'm gonna terribly fail and it's gonna be 15 or 20 thousand dollars but I took I took the chance let's see how this is gonna work and I invited people to join a wax ed group where we gonna be able to do this together and when I did it I thought I'm gonna have maximum of 100 people joining this group after four hours of opening the whatsapp group I had over 4,000 followers people who wanted to know more I wanted to get in well act the group I couldn't allow everybody to just participate and and and talking and start sending messages it would go you know it would go out of hand so I started posting things and then all of a sudden the media was all over me including the Omni magazine they came to me to ask me for for an interview I gave them an interview and this is you know I had I think over to 12 or 13 thousand views on LinkedIn itself on this Emmy interview this is how it all started and then you send this infant did this message about the invitation that you got frustrated which happens to be I spoke to my wife yesterday about it and she said that she's a big fan of still sending paper invitations I'm just telling you I don't like it either but you know there are still some people who don't have whatsapp they don't have so much access to email they're you know the homeless stay-at-home moms and them and they have they don't think and they want to know about simcha that's going on but this is how we got commissioned and I think that's what I think that's one of the points of your campaign is everyone should do what they think is right for them not what is the norm not what you have to do about what you should do because you know if your wife likes invitations and she feels that other people need it great and that's what you should do for you or that's what other makutano should do for my wife they should send her an invitation but for most of us why do we need invitations I mean most of us we send invitations to the whole town that you know they're not even interested in the whole castle why should we send it but even for the people who are interested send them an email and you know put it only on your whatsapp status on your own you know send a broadcast on whatsapp why do you need to send paper invitations forget about the course I'm talking about you know it doesn't even make sense it's not it's not efficient that an efficient way to invite so I mean that's one of the details of but so let's let's continue hearing about the campaign so you started the campaign you challenge yourself now you've got thousands of people following you the pressure is on number one I have a question to you did this come about because you simply couldn't afford it or or because you said this is it we have to there must be a new way for people like me going into this Pacha it's a good question and before I answer you that I want to define what the for that means what what does it mean I can or I can't afford it let's say I'm earning enough money and from my income I can afford to spend a hundred thousand dollars for a Kasana does that mean I can afford it number one question is do I have enough passive income already that if I want that should be able to retire now and if I don't then I can't afford it and if I can't afford it the second question is is it important or is it not important would you take you know if let's say you're a billionaire would you take a million dollars just flush it down the toilet for no good reason maybe you can find a better place where to wait to allocate this money so so the question is not about being able to afford it the question is if it makes sense altogether and to spend on the things that most people spend and the only reason they spend on that is because everybody else is doing it and somebody this mint is mentioning now in the chat I recently actually that's your father yeah Sheila I think we should shut up I'm sure your father is very proud to join your your meeting here my father's been talking about this subject for many many many years before the Holt akunis thing started he always made his own ideas unfortunately his venom didn't always didn't always agree with him but he always had this this idea of exactly like you say just you can afford it doesn't mean you have to spend it and you know why should you in fact why should you you know invite a thousand people to eat chicken you know in a basement on McDonald's they haven't you so that's that's and it's an interesting thing you talk about market unum you know how many people tell me the same thing that you know III would make the wedding in my dining room but my ma Houghton and then the funny thing is he go to number footing he says the same thing I would make the wedding in the dining room but my manhood I just spoke to you my foot and it says the same thing so so it boils down to a lack of communication with a lot of people and and and I just got an interesting message from somebody like last week he sent me a copy of an article on how my beer from 1988 and this person is basically describing in the article what happens when well when people make cussing us and they can't afford you know they can't afford the the the fastener they can't afford all these expensive Thanks and back then it was the norm at ten man band and and it was even more crazy than today I don't know if how much you remember from them but it was terrible and and then he says you know and if the if the makhotin gets sick before the kisana within minutes that sue that's gonna be there if he needs an emergency surgery we have a few organizations I'm gonna make sure he gets the best doctors and and if he really doesn't have a penny to his name and he's drowning in debt a lot of organizations are gonna come and help them and he goes on and describing how terrible it is and then this person sends me a message that before after every my mother used to print this out and send a copy to the makhotin and tell him this is how I want my fastener to be I don't want anybody to get sick I only want to buy what I really want what we really decide we want we need and be on a minimum budget this is the how she sets the tone for that so it's a good introduction about maratona but let me ask you this I mean traditionally throughout history I mean even if you learn the commuter that talks about weddings and and you know you look at a lot of different cultures around the world today I think the Indians go crazy with weddings to have seven parties and that's how it used to be I mean you look at the Machine and machine and we're a part of bringing together making the sea they made a bunch of Cedars and Cedars and see there's a brought gift and everyone who came as part of the groom's party they were they they were you know the the bridesmaids and the groom is all all that in our tradition that we had they all participated it was spent a lot of money on the wedding it was a very very big thing are we be holding that all to that or do we look at today our lifestyle what we need to do for our families Hashem we have many many many families I have 10 kids class and is it just time to change change the traditions my opinion I tell you my opinion are everybody can have their own opinion my opinion is that you should only spend the number one that's laid the groundwork we are talking about somebody who wants to be on a budget if you if you don't care and money is like you know water for you and wherever then do whatever you want I'm not gonna talk about you but even for you I'm gonna talk from the perspective of a samosa scholar from the perspective of all the charity that you do so the number one thing is I want to have people understand that there is something called the language of numbers and the language of numbers is very simple one plus one equals two do I have the money or don't I have the money that's number one if you have the money then we can have a certain conversation if you don't have the money then I don't care about what somebody did and what somebody else did or whatever I mean you don't have the money what do you want it's somewhat serious it's not like it's not like I have a Tanner with you here it's not a debate even somebody is I don't have the money what can I do to pass by minimum minimum without embarrassing myself like my Hutton called me the other day and asked me and I told me it told me about a certain thing how he wants to do it that book was very very minimal so he told me this means war time I'm very embarrassed to call you and tell you that but I'm even more embarrassed to go collect for it so I made a judgment I'm gonna embarrass myself for a few minutes with you and and and and not and not with what you know not being bet not embarrass myself to just go around and collect money so once I have money we have this conversation is it important or it is not important now I don't know but you know about you I can think from by myself when I make him a wedding hamburger shame this is my for child I already married of three children and by every job it cost me less so most people who came to the wedding were not interested in coming how do I know because you know it was a burden for me when I went when they went make me the wedding I mean let's be honest with ourselves every night let's first talk to somebody yesterday I told me that the day before he was already in bed sleeping then all of a sudden oh hey this guy's making the wedding and I forgot to go so he jumped out he dressed up and he went I asked him did you really enjoy it no why did you go because I make business with them I had to go so as most people are not even interested if you really want to have a good time with the people that I really connected to you close trout but relatives etc call them for shaiva brokers or just call them for a long I mean maybe you don't even need a host you don't need a host Arabic you just want to have a good time with them go have a good time with them you ask most close in colors by the shady breakfast it's a burden on them they're not interested in the shape of rocks so that thing before we continue Joel I just wanna I see that you Father send a message let me just read it aloud to make sure that it gets addressed so he says here I recently got an invitation that was on a wood and minimum of $10 per invitation plus about $3 per postage you know something I wouldn't be surprised if nothing is done on that that in 10 years from now that's the norm and you yashi Joel or whoever listens is gonna have to come up with someone who's a scholar but somebody that we can't embarrass and have them sent a plain paper invitation I can see that happening I mean what he wants from this poor color 18 years she was going to school saw a look and then she worked and then she she always will was a good kid and now why does she have to suffer because she has parents who don't make three million dollars a year and just a friend every day she's I can see this happening do you see this happening i I like to teii I wrote in my post I love I like I love the ten dollar invitation if if you're gonna send me something you want me to look at send me something beautiful it's gotta go in the gun I'm gonna feel bad I have one imitation that's sitting around for my wife's cousin and in Europe they you know they sent this crazy invitation more than ten dollars probably it's all velvet it's beautiful we're hanging around for a little hang around for another month or two before we you stop feeling bad but at least there is a purpose the purpose is to show off about your beautiful beautiful wedding if the invitation was $10 imagine the wedding what its gonna look like right great and I hope that did we collect for it yeah right and you know and if you can have someone with white gloves deliver it on a silver tray it's even nicer but please don't send me the $0.99 invitation that was printed out you know in a bar park print shop with with honey stamps you're buying and return card with a stamp please stop it it's gone in the garbage wasting money but then your father asks about somebody who wants to send invitations that people can send back a check to help out the new clothes in color whatever mr. Booker what do you think about that I don't know I think that the the new invitations with the the return cards whatever you call it online right the RSVP they all have options today you can add money you can join the the wedding what do you what'd he call that the wedding I all the do it they have what I have the you know the registry right have a registry so you can reply to the to the thing add your PayPal quick pay whatever you want there are ways to do it online and and they'll probably raise more money that way I agree and and and if you really you know I think most people have a pretty good idea of who's gonna send back a check in Hoonah and you know why don't you just make a list compiled a list of all the people that you think they really want to send back a check and send them invitations to give them the chance that's a good idea why not for the benefit of the host gala so I think we've seen something changed in the last you know thirty plus years where the community percussion kind of heard let it continue to grow it's grown so large that whatever worked you know in the nineteen sixties in the nineteen seventies you know at my parents wedding they had that a couple of cousins that maybe one or two uncles and that was it there was no one there you cannot continue that style of wedding and simpler celebrating when you do have a community where everyone's having multiple kids ten twelve kids seven kids five kids on minimum and weddings and bar mitzvahs every other night and the community is huge if you're part of especially if you're part of SAP but if you're part of barrels business you have a thousand friends literally so something has to change what do you say what do you say about the kunais that's been going on why why is that akunis not enough I tell you are the two kunas are very from one side it's a very good thing from the other side it's again the the the fund the fundamental understanding under the cornice is that I understand and I agree and I encourage it everybody needs to be the same and because everybody has a problem I'm going to come up with the corners in order to help everybody and what happens is you understand the rich guy the the wealthy people baba toosha people they don't need it the corners I mean their life is gonna go on like like like it was before with or without the corner they don't need it it's only the average people or the poor people that meet Kunis and the problem is that even in the de Kunis they put in things that make people think that they do need it because it's in the cooler if I wouldn't have needed it why should it be in at the corners if I don't need furniture then there ever would what I've understood that that's and what I've understood that so why do they put it into the corners to begin with so they think that because it's Kunis that's what I need and it takes away your individuality takes away your own control on your brand and in reality you don't need you know I would say 50 to 70 percent of what's that Kunis you don't need and that's a big problem I think people have to be start beat they have to train themselves to think for themselves they use this precious gift that Hashem gave them called the mind they remind their brain and that's the only solution to all these problems so one of the things that you're talking about is is furniture both couples get married and they get a beautiful dining room furniture and China closet and bedroom furniture buffets and mirrors and all kinds of beautiful furniture that they then squeeze into a one and a half bedroom apartment so what you know based on your experience you're marrying you forth your fourth child already well what do the couple say about the furniture so sickening and heartbreaking to see couples few years after their wedding trying to get rid of the furniture after you know I moved about three years ago to a nova house and it didn't you know I made a different plan how to know how to storage my stuff and I didn't need a furniture my father-in-law was working very very hard to get me this furniture it it that was the only thing bothering me of getting rid of the of the furniture I get messages every day people asking me can you find somebody who would you know just take away my furniture for cheap I recently met somebody who moved to where it says rule and this the whole the whole conversation about the move was how are we gonna get the furniture to where it is throw what are we gonna do so it's a bad ER it's something that makes no sense I'm married of three children work none of them got furniture I mean they got furniture but you know we bought whatever we need it and IKEA and and other stores and then people asked you know what well how can you buy furniture then if that in five years it's gonna be falling falling apart and my answer was I mean how can you maybe off your child when in five years you can have to pass a limit go figure it out go go ahead thank you the husband and wife should go around shopping for furniture whenever they need whatever they need based on their budget if they're not gonna have enough money to buy it and they're gonna come to me asking Kathy can you help me and the register is gonna help me that my budget is gonna allow me to help them of course I'm gonna help them or a question if I really see they need it and they don't have the money who else should help them if not their parents but to make it as standard it has you know how many people in Williamsburg buy furniture and then they pay for storage because they don't have the apartment yet that's crazy I mean this is the unknown on the home I mean think to yourself that this makes sense or not Minister Asha on on the Mishkan come come - the furniture buying the furniture where 90% of the time the couple's end up moving within a year two years I don't know how it is in Brooklyn exactly in Waynesburg but I'm assuming that most couples are moving within a couple of years moving to a bigger apartment moving to a different city moving out especially now with so many different new communities around the tri-state area people are moving so this whole thing with the furniture you make a very valid point make a plan in a few years from now first of all you can start saving up a little bit every month for the furniture the couple could the the parents will help a little bit they can help a little bit and you can plan for for a different hopefully for life when you're in a new place a few years down the road you can make a plan practical furniture that fits your life at that point when you have a bunch of kids and you know something the interesting thing is that when I started speaking to people about it a few weeks ago I got a lot of rejection saying that we can't do that because of the kisana McCullers that depends for themselves they would change they would do everything but you know you can't do it because how do I make my color green how do I make my son agree and it's so interesting I started speaking to people about it and I took my message to the government to the colors I can't explain you on how much feedback I got positive feedback I give you an example last week I got a message from a cousin I happen to know this close because he messaged me before already and he told me I'm holding a few weeks before the kisana I know the not Vern that is paying for my father to make this kisana because my father has no money and it bothers me so much why are they buying expensive furniture it makes no sense what can I do about it I'm gonna feel guilty my whole life so I asked him do you know how the color feels about it he told me no and I gave him an assignment somehow find out how the colors he feels about it and notice the Casilla shows up her family he never spoke to the colored from after that to know him until the husband until a few weeks from now so he sent Ashley R to ask the color what she thinks about the about the furniture and he got feedback from the color basically she doesn't want the furniture but she feels terrible not to get the furniture because his host and all the host siblings got this beautiful parent this beautiful furniture so so she can't do it for the host that's the feedback he got so he was the u.s. Kuna spoke to his father spoke to the Karla spoke to the market dunam spoke to everybody he sent me a message last week I am $10,000 donation for this hasanah is on your credit we're not buying furniture we cancel the deposit we cancelled it we got back the deposit and we're not buying the furniture that this is how they feel I spoke to a yeshiva and it's a few weeks ago Amy wrote about it last week for ebook harem for the book harem 39 of the 40 boqueron said they don't want expensive Stromlo they don't want expensive furniture they don't want all this you know why we think that they wanted because we don't speak to them we don't communicate you don't explain them what $1 means what working means what is that a saving a dollar means what compound interest means whatever we don't talk to them of course they don't want you ask them you want nice furniture or you don't wanna oh yeah why not I mean you have to speak to them there are adults you think they're ready to get married right to speak to them like like you should speak to them and you find out the very good fit you know of course they're always exception one out of the 40 was an exception you challenge me he raised his hand every few minutes time but I want a lot of attention by my customer so what can I do never and I kept telling him you want a lot of attempt to make a cheap fastener and everybody gonna talk about it that you had the guts to do the right thing he couldn't get it so you're saying there are a lot of ways to cut out and you gotta use your own your own head what about the wedding night what what could be changed about the wedding night that you feel needs to be changed and what are you doing what let's here with your 10k challenge how are you guys making the wedding night okay so before I answer you let me just read this comment that somebody just sent a comment that today's Huson would definitely want to be involved and buying the furniture for his own home so he would definitely agree to buy it to buy himself after the custom together with his wife I'm also hearing about shulam bias issues because they take the collar for the furniture then they take the hosting to look at the furniture and then they don't agree yeah yeah and and this guy that you know the Joseph was commenting this he's probably a common thing based on a lot of places where the color is making all the decisions in the furniture and who snezhnoe saying it and then it just arrives hello this is your house is your furniture this is where you're gonna spend the next few years you know this is to Zeta I have a car - take it and sit with it and finish and the Huson could be a little disappointed on that I agree but you asked me about the wedding night let me first tell you I didn't announce it yet because I want to announce everything as it happens first of all I didn't even announce I get messages in the best few days I am you didn't announce because I'm announcing every expense I haven't discussed not every expense I have an excel sheet but the problem is I didn't realize when I started this that this is gonna be a very boring journey because there is no expenses and I get messages from people the last week Khayyam you're not honest you didn't post what you gave for the color for Hanukkah and it's true I didn't post and I'm going to post it probably today or tomorrow but for this group I'll let you enter the secret before I'm gonna post it I gave her a beautiful chocolate arrangement I believe it cost me about $35 I didn't post it here because I wanted to have pictures from it before I want to be able to post the picture as well but this is how much it cost me the menorah that much upon him spent 15 on the $2,000 to get for the host now monoi de my son got a menorah I promised you didn't cost for my foot more than $150 I promise you it's a beautiful man I think it's cushy look a killer I mean I looked at it I loved it you know I was saying in my home but Ahana killer and I'm looking at my menorah that it's beautiful piece of silver my father-in-law worked for this menorah probably two weeks just for this menorah nine to five about 80 hours of my father-in-law's life went in to this piece of silver and and I'm looking at it like schmuck that you are me you don't you didn't have to decide who to call you father-in-law not to do that I mean I don't know I'm thinking to sell it and go give him back the money I don't know what to do and then I'm looking at the other side of the table my son's menorah beautiful monoi de my son has a smile from one ear to the other sitting enjoying the banana Keller chef au niveau community las monjas a shake loose innocent love is signed by your mom is manager is he missing anything isn't it the light because the monoi only cost me $50 I mean his father-in-law worked a few hours for it my father-in-law up a few weeks for it I can't I couldn't stand it sorry I went off track but you want to ask me about the wedding night so so the wedding night so I let you in on the wedding night also I'm gonna announce it when it comes and I'm not gonna give the full details now but all I can tell you is the whole wedding night everything included is going to cost less than $5,000 together meaning two and a half hours not a summer trip between two and two and a half thousand dollars each mckitten the changes that we're going to do is number one it's going to be buffet style I'm gonna be catered number two we're only going to order portions that we really need we're not gonna invite the entire town and it's not going to be live music it's gonna be recorded music I don't know exactly how DJ MP to me I don't know I I'm from I promise you it's gonna be very very labor dick I'm promise you I know my family and I know that they're Labor Day people and they're gonna make it very Labor Day and I also promise you that two months after the wedding my son has been he's not gonna even remember if it was loving you was it good enough so oh we're not gonna have a boxing and it's an interest I speak now I got exposed to so many different circles and I see that everywhere we have this problem but every place has a different problem like we are crazy the chasidy shawol is crazy with the furniture the the the literature wall I think are spending more by the casino nights then we are spending so I think if we take together the entire cloudlets rule and we just didn't the good points from each other it's gonna be ash limas then it's gonna be perfect and the problem is that everybody has a different thinking but it's that managed a cement set finish this and I am save and I mean it's all good and fine when the money is here but when the money when the ever tight budget every expense I have for this wedding I'm trying to do it from the length of somebody who's on a tight budget and I I also think for myself even if I have the money maybe I have a better place to spend the money maybe I should buy a house for my child after a year I don't know whatever it is so do you feel I mean in regards to the wedding night I have a little bit of a different perspective I I love I love a beautiful dinner a beautiful music and wine but I like it for myself and for my close close family my brother's my sisters a couple of close friends 3040 people beautiful it can cost $200,000 but for 30 people not for 3,000 people I think that's where that's one of the ways that people can change to a big change is inviting everyone to the meal anyway everyone can do that right and and the other the other option could be that you do a simple wedding that cause very little and you spend more money on a good shaver brokers that you want to do for you an immediate family or for you very good friends colleagues people that you really want to have a good time with and the truth is you know you don't have to do it by the time of a wedding you know you can make make a system that every time you your son get a son or daughter gets married exactly one month after that you will renting out a big big boat and you your spending $300,000 on this occasion and you really have a good time with your friends I mean if you if your son or daughter is up to it you can invite them as well take your friends out to dinner write this whole thing - with with the music suddenly every person that has a couple of dollars has become an expert music he needs the best musicians and singers to entertain them if you love music go to a concert pay thirty-six dollars for a ticket not 36 thousand dollars enjoy your music and go home if you don't want to go to a concert for whatever reason then go to a customer that somebody just spent twenty thirty thousand dollars from using and enjoy it you know the button is the only person who does not enjoy the music by his own wedding his own child's wedding wedding he's right from my perspective I think there needs to be shift and I think that that the wealthy people need to start feeling for other people yes you can afford it if you can afford it does that mean you have to throw it out you don't have to impress anyone you're wealthy brush em you can pay your bills no everyone knows about it everyone knows you're wealthy you don't have to you know pay for them to know it again do you simcha for you for your family make a big sum Colusa mccullough make a private share brokers if you need to but i think even that this this whole this whole event thing and party thing i think it's people that there's a there are a few wealthy people that do it and then everyone that's semi wealthy wealthy or wannabe wealthy is doing it so everyone else thinks so from top down people need to start feeling what do i and my wife want and let's start educating our kids about what's important and then the rest of the communities I mean if mister wealthy just made a very small wedding why can't I that's part of the message here I think I think that is very important but I think it's even more important to start looking at yourself meaning I don't want the average earner or the less than average earner to think that if mr. wealthy is going to do this then I'm going to do this and if not I just signed them the permission to throw me into the pit why should I give up my life if mr. wealthy does not want to do the right thing no you don't have money you don't do it you do whatever makes sense and the other thing is very very important I want you to understand when I say you I mean the listeners and myself and everybody else when we make a simcha we are very emotional we're very excited we're very be thinking that you know this is our time just know and understand that the way that others look at you by the time of yours simcha is no different than how you look at them at the time of their sinful of course you make a simpler three o'clock in the morning you rested you are in for it and from your side you can stay until six o'clock in the morning but these other people are feeling now the same as you felt two weeks ago when you were sitting three o'clock in the morning bakasana and the baton slept and you Cracknell the nervin they feel just as impatient now so you know think be try to be able to think a little bit logically in your emotional time and the way to do that is from looking from somebody else's perspective and see if you really can do it just remind yourself how you felt a few weeks ago but somebody else is simcha I think if these things fall into place it's gonna be amazing so how do you sustain that meaning you started this thing you didn't try to start a revolution you started as a challenge and then a whole bunch of people followed you and following the journey way more than you thought possible the only way this is really gonna work if it's sustainable if people continue to do this so you do it your friends do it their kids start doing it and suddenly it's it's a cultural thing where people have changed they are no longer spending fifty thousand dollars on a wedding plus how do you keep what's the plan to keep this actually the movement going how could how could you keep it going it's a good question and the thing is that every day I'm finding out new ways how this is gonna continue and of course for it to have a longevity it cannot be a climax it has to be everybody getting involved in it you know that's why we having this conversation now you Joel are getting involved in it as well and and and and a lot of catalyst reached out to me and they started doing certain things on their own way and I had Ahad started doing things on their own way I was not involved in there directly but they started doing things and I'm not necessarily agreeing to everything they do and it's okay they should do whatever they feel they should do and and you know every everybody has their cook to do it the fact that I'm a kitten calls me up last week that his son got engaged and he sent $8,000 bracelet to the color and the color send it back to him saying I like Cristal better than silver and he ended up buying 150 a $90 bracelet for the color instead of $1,000 bracelet that means that it has longevity that means it's continuing and this is how it's going to compare everybody is looking what everybody else is doing and I can't you know IIIi role I wrote a lot about it I encourage people give the articles to your children talk about it at the Shabbos table and this is for their benefit it's not for you it's for them for them to heaven I have normal lives this interview we're doing now is recorded give them the recording to listen to it to watch it become evolved try to try to involve them make it a culture make it a atmosphere of doing the right thing regardless of what others say so going to going to my father sends me a message he says important to start talking to the boys and the achievers and the girls in high schools from ninth grade is do you think it's it's a realistic to start a program talking to schools talking to shiva's talking to the boys and girls directly educating them about finances letting them know what happens and families distress the heartache I think it is important and that's exactly what I didn't it's a stroll in bhakti Siva and and I I have some other yeshivas already reached out to me and you know it's not that I have to speak to them they can all speak items it has to be I think it have to start treating them like adults that's what it boils down to there are adults there all the children that they can understand explain them what it means that your father is paying a limit for you what it means that you know interest when you spend a thousand dollars on something you don't have then you put it on it MasterCard what happens the day after explain them start giving them perspective you know how many people want wedding when you're age 40 you want one of your children gets married if you wouldn't have that expense you'd put it away for your retirement and you let it grow that by itself would be enough to have you retired fully by age 65 or 70 people don't get it that I think one of the reasons that you don't speak to children about it is because you don't understand and if you don't this time you can't speak to your children about it they have to start getting educated the only reason the parents understand it is because they start feeling it when the time comes no you you have an Amazon company how many people in Amazon don't have don't understand the numbers there are so many very very many they Shack numbers I tell them listen you're your head you could be saving twenty thirty thousand dollars a month people are people running their businesses I mean you see this and they're throwing money down the drain and they don't they don't even realize it takes time it takes a long time for to enter their heads so certainly right and and you know when they figured it out when they're already a million two million of five million dollars in debt which is terrible so we have to educate ourselves and we have to educate our children and I know from experience speaking to children most of them I mean of course there is always exceptions but most of them are such good boys and girls they wanna do the right thing especially your color I mean yeah I mean I'm sure you'd bit some due diligence right you asked about their majors you asked about how flexible she is if she a look at sneeze digger girl I mean you asked a lot but a lot of these things maybe you also ask if she's a normal rational human being and if she wants me to get sick because of her or not maybe you had that piece to do diligence you do and I mean most of them are such good children and and their diet too that is because you see after a few years I mean after one or two years you know a color a a lady calls me up few weeks ago listen to this she got a beautiful nice diamond ring when she was engaged she was so excited when she when she got it she calls me up to a few weeks ago and tells me I am I don't know what to do with myself where to bury myself I just found out that my sri get went to a jeweler to take out her diamond from her diamond ring and replaced it with a CZ diamond to be able to send me a real diamond what do I do with myself I can't look mushrikun in their eyes what she should do she should go and replace her diamond with the cz and find somehow a a good opportunity to send a good gift to ash rigor with her own diamonds but I mean why did you know maybe the Shree get did it just because she loved her so much and she wanted to do it which I'm not I'm not I'm not talking about that specific story but it should be something that people should think they have to do makes no sense I mean you wonder your children are gonna have to marry of their children start thinking rational so you started the conversation and a sham put you in a place where you're having an effect and people are listening what do you plan on doing to continue the conversation I was telling my daughter some people tell me you know why you can do it because you have a son and Huson is beleaguered it's cheaper to marry off a host Nana color so I tell them that based on my experience most marriages are between boys and girls so at least 50% cloudless rule is gonna be safe if you follow me with a with a who's inside and then my next child is a daughter so maybe my next child I'm gonna have to make it 12 and a half thousand dollar wedding challenge because 10 third is not going to call it anymore and then until my youngest child and maybe I'm gonna get paid for making a costume I don't know but but what I'm continuing to have to do in order to have this you know to keep the momentum I talk about it I write about it I encourage people and then I'm blown away to see how many machito no society how many activists ask unum are getting about yesterday I got a call from a big ass community Stroh he has an idea how he wants to do certain things and um and and ask me for if I can't come and speak to them and help them of course I'm helping whatever I can but I think this is this is something that it's a big balloon that was you know going on for many many years and it just got to a point that somebody pinched in a needle to it and the bloom busted and then we all going to figured it out somehow and hopefully in a year or two from now everything is gonna be in place and it's gonna be like part of life you make a fuss and I like you you make a bomb it's of course you can make crazy by Mitzvahs also now a lot of people message me but this is where it starts with the oceans with the bar mitzvas with or whatever of course it starts with with life starts that's what you brand with your with your opinion over I recently went to a mitzvah in Lakewood a cousin made of a mitzvah he didn't invite me but I figured he's from out of town I want to stop in and say Mazel Tov so I come in there and I see there's the siblings and the boy's friends that was it that was the whole Mitzvah it's amazing the boys friends were dancing that a good time the siblings were their parents that's it yeah and and I stole my mitzvahs the people making their home it cost them less than three four hundred dollars and then I saw people you know I have I have people that I have clients I see them you know the child is five years old and there's their start planning what kind of job to accept in order for them to be able to save for the Mitzvah that gonna cost $25,000 it's crazy I mean that has to be the whole factor of your lives like shouldn't you rather take a job that you love and you're gonna appreciate every day that you're going into work and have a less you know not such a big boom it's for a smaller mom it's for your child I mean everything drag the drives have had in the hassanis madaba mitzvahs Mehta cancer whatever and once you explain this to children they understand it I like your father's comment that I should tell that lady to give back the diamond after ten years then she's gonna love it it makes sense at least for the first ten years this lady's gonna enjoy it but whatever it's the point the point is is it is the point you have to take out from this is this Nizar think that's going on today and you may ladies you really do say has made many ladies message me different things about how they hate their jewelry first I don't like it first of all I don't like it second of all I hate the fact that somebody got sick because of this and you made a very good point about the bar mitzvahs and the jobs really it's a cultural shift because the whole lifestyle everything changes when you don't when you know you don't have this is crazy pressure everyone I talked to it's all about okay saving up for the husband to save making money for the hospital like when you're 20 until you're 40 that's the it's a countdown to the kids house owners at the saving and - how am I going to do it and - what job so what you're trying to do is change the entire lifestyle change the whole cycle of this pressure you know something we didn't even talk about what's gonna happen when these people are gonna start to retire because we have a big big age gap an entire generation is missing people who are 70 years old we don't have too many people from 70 to 80 wait until that and it starts to happen it's a such a bigger phone as these people they don't have you know especially if they they were not self-employed I didn't save money they didn't invest for passive income I mean where in the world are guys they're gonna be able to live from and they're gonna be older who's gonna pay for that the children are gonna pay for that I I think the focus of the person should be about myself what do I do that as long as the Rebbe unstrung gives me life I should have / no sir and I should be able to use my time efficiently quality was think about it you take it 40 years before 40 year old person who does not learn who didn't save any money he didn't he didn't you know he's not into sports he's not into exercise he's not going into anything out of work nothing his whole life is my children and work he's now 70 years old no work no children what do you do baby Smith it you become the burden on your children every day you call them up complaining about something else every day you have to go to the doctor because something else is hurting you and you know you become an exhausting human being that is such a stress on society not doing anything productive but your life I think people in our age that still have the cultures need to start investing in themselves investing yourself money-wise to have passive income that you should be able to be self-sufficient and and quality wise - to have something of value in your life besides work and children something where auctioneers B'gosh me is if you're not up to learning okay go do something else but I think a person should live just for the fact to have what to do when he's older I mean the gosh me and it's a clear name if not learning go start loving some kind of sports I don't know what do something but that's a whole other conversation we could have yeah we somehow shifted in Tibet but it's great what you're saying you're saying you're paying down to your kids now and then they'll need to don't need to pay everything back because don't need to be supporting you when you're seven years old and no retirement no job nothing right very important point so investing your children now to have them understand it in this way you're gonna have a good life and your children I can have a good life medicham excellent really eye-opening conversation I am let's see where this goes I'm very excited to watch it and I hope to stay involved in some way I'm it's a sham and I like the conversation very much and I think you know again a lot of people as we are sitting and discussing this they're sitting and enjoying themselves at the CAMHS which honestly speaking if not for this conversation I would probably be there as well but you still I can still go that's true and if any if they if maybe we should do something else like that again when there is gonna be no CMS just you know send us messages and let's let's see where this is going excellent thank you very much that's local broker