Insults & Responses: Being the Bigger Person - Rabbi Yaaqob Menashe

[Music] something to do [Music] I'm very happy to see all of you here tonight I mean that's right exactly that's the biggest applause you know the weather the way it is I'm going to be perfectly honest with you I seriously contemplated not coming this evening I said to myself for sure they're going to have it online I'll watch it later but then I thought about I said no in person is always better so I'm really happy to be here with all of you so the title of the lecture tonight is insults and responses being the bigger person I don't know whether you want to hear about being the bigger person or you'd rather hear some good insults or some good responses but we'll try and cover a lot of ground you know something that before you insult anyone you should walk a mile in their shoes personally I think the logic is that if after that you still decide to insult them first of all you're a mile away from them and secondly you have their shoes the Guevarra actually several Camaros there are three girls that speak about this in Russia she calls them all says Noah loli Adam Shia Fela small exception ah ish it is better for a man to throw himself I would include a woman throw himself into a fiery furnace now this has to be pretty big for a person who is alive and knows what they're doing could throw themselves into a fiery furnace and God forbid be consumed alive I mean who on earth would ever want such a thing to happen the Gemara tells us it is better normally Adam Shapiro smaller kanchana ish is better for a person to throw himself into a fiery furnace where I yell bean penne have a row there a beam and not embarrass another person in public that sounds very dramatic how do we understand that wait a minute what if that person deserved it the person did something wrong not that you just come along and being a nasty person because you had a bad day but the person actually did something wrong so now you want to go to that person and let him have it and let him know that he did what he did was wrong better to throw yourself in a fiery furnace that's actually try and rectify that wrong in your mind where does it come from of course I think many of us are aware where it comes from but I want to this is the basis of the topic so I would like to start with this with your permission this is the story of Yehuda Judah who after the whole episode of selling yourself acidic Joseph he turns away there's explorations about what this turning away means because they were blaming him but that's not the point of what we're doing here he then finds himself a wife and has three sons heir or none and shilla now he finds a wife for the eldest heir and the wife is Tomas now Tamar is married to air God is unhappy with air the way air is behaving so God kills is so now logically she has to be given to the next one which is a nun so that there is the concept of you boom they they can have children together who will actually be considered a child of the eldest of it so the second one or none doesn't like this and does something that they got that the Holy One present blessed be he Oh tomorrow who finds reprehensible so God kills him also so now what happens is Yahoo da Judah should be giving c'mon to his third son shilla but he doesn't want to do that he says look the first two sons dies what will happen now if I give my third son to her so he says to her you know hang in there for a while wait a little bit he's young we wait for him to be older and then you can get married now of course time passes and she sees that that's not happening she sees that she is not being given to Shilla so what does she do now this is after you does wife passes away and I guess he needs comfort so she goes out and he thinks that she's one of these ladies who who are should we say for hire and she covers her face which adds to that and of course that way he can't recognize who she is and he says to her you know I would be interested at how much and she says whatever it is Gd which the translators kids I don't like that word because people think it talking about human beings known you know a little goat a little sheep whatever and he says I don't have my sheep or American Express I left home without it I don't have it on me so what can I do instead she says well you'll give me an Arab own you'll give me some kind of collateral and won't you give me a horse a Miss a signet ring pity lien which they translate as a bracelet and the must say your your staff your cane and I'll hold these assurity and then when you have there when you have your American Express you'll come and we'll take care of matters so he says ok of course she's not to be found again because she went there for a purpose that she was supposed to have a child and she was prevented because he didn't give her to his son okay three months later as we all know the story but again this is the basis of the whole thing three months later they come to Judah and says your daughter-in-law has played the harlot not only that she's pregnant from it and what is he saying take her out and burn her that's it we don't fool around with things like this take her out and burn her so they come together and she says fine just one thing in private not publicly I am NOT going to get up and defend myself and save myself which he could do she going to say look what did i do that's wrong it's his fault he was supposed to give me to Shayla I had to become pregnant I did the right thing he was the one who did the wrong thing and he didn't have to come to me she could have gone to have got proof what's the signet ring the bracelet sir came it is you all know it you're going to throw me in the furnace no way logically you think she'd do that she did not she said take the signet ring take the bracelet and take the cane and show it to him and say to him it is from the owner of this first of these items that I am pregnant now she took a very big chance because Judah could have said I don't know who they are burner but Judah being who he was he said such common mainly she was more righteous than I am she did this because I didn't give her to my son Sheila could easily have gone the other way and she could have and would have been thrown into the kitchen ha Esh into the furnace so this is the basis of what our rabbis of blessed memory tell us no lowly atom it is better for a person she appeal a small this fictional ish he would throw himself into the fire into the furnace where IL beam finna have a robe ravine and he will not embarrass his friend in public the best way to look at this topic is to look at specific cases and I'm going to try and do that today look at some cases that I personally am familiar with stories that I've heard now there is a story that I would like to tell you that is in IBM Chile say la doctora about Mariano Rivera huh mr. Haney Malala Shalom the holy banished hive in fact I wrote about this I'm sure many of you here do get the daily a Torah minute that we put out and I did write about this I don't remember what it was a week two weeks ago something like that I just want to speak about it how homicide hyeme allows Shalom the holy ben yishai was known to be a person of great how should I put it he himself was such a special person such an honorable person that he was known to give great honor to everybody honored to all human beings that was part of his greatness he would give honor to Tony de ha ha Meem to Torah scholars he would give honor to people came collecting money from the Land of Israel or wherever he would give honor to ordinary people that is who he was he cared for people he treated people in an extraordinary manner with extraordinary kindness and you actually see that in his work you know people sometimes say Albany straight he straight he strict when it it makes sense to be strict but I have never seen someone like him when the people would do something that most people would agree was not the perfect thing to do he would defend them every way possible every way possible because he cared for people there's a story of a man who came from out of town he looked of course in Baghdad and didn't know the weather of the place I don't know where he came from but he came and it was very very rainy and he only had the shirt in his back no coat no raincoat no umbrella no nothing so the holy banished hi says to him here I want to give you some money he's giving him money to go buy a coat the man says to the vanish hi no I don't want the money I would just like to borrow your coat a very strange request you don't go to the god or the door and say give me your coat and it was probably a very special coat anyway that's what he said he says I'll get it back to you later the Danish High had no problem he goes he gets him his coat and lends it to him now the day is progressing he's waiting for the coat to come back I guess it's still raining still raining he's waiting for the coat to come back and it's not coming it's getting near sunset he has to go to the synagogue so he says ok maybe I better take my old coat so he takes his old coat and he goes to the synagogue now here's the thing when he walks into the synagogue what does he see he sees the man wearing his coat sitting in his own seat the seat reserved for the holy British High this man somehow felt by wearing his coat which is no doubt an important coat he thought everyone would think wow we've got to give him honor so of course he can sit in the Bene shy his own seat the truth of the matter is he wanted to get honor he wanted to be he wanted to be praised he maybe thought people would not bow down to the ground in front of him but in fact all that happened was the opposite people scorned him people laughed at him because he had clearly denigrated the holy Bennish hi this story to me shows how certain people in their desire to feel important do things that honestly are humiliating for them but we cannot comprehend that such a thing would even happen in truth he should not even have asked for the vanish hi Scott we see the greatness of the vanish hi that he just gave him his coat the man made a fool of himself but he probably didn't realize it the truth of the matter is whenever a person does something like this that is a little bit arrogant and puts it down another person and feels that way he's going to be greater what happens is the other person becomes greater the one he was trying to put down and the person himself is looked down upon by others this is all part of what our rabbis tell us about Angela beam Lena Modine when you are insulted and you do not insult back then we told it you're like the Sun when it goes out in its strength this is the key when somebody comes to you and puts you down and insults you and you do not respond you do not let them have it back this makes you greater as we see in the story and makes the other person much lower I want to tell you a story that actually happened to me not on the same level as the story I just told you but there's a similarity there and that's why I would like you to hear about it a few years ago we had something I forget what we were having in the minyan that was at night and prayers and I don't know exactly when it was but I remember that it was at night and it was during the week so it was during the week my beloved wife of blessed memory drove me there and as we arrived I could see from the outside that there was somebody who didn't wasn't from the area but he came to us once in a while and this being during the week he could drive there and come to us I saw him sitting in my seat at my table and it was clearly my seat in my table now I didn't know what to do waha shame Rabbani truth was a very wise woman with great understanding she says don't say anything go there ask the government to get you a different seat and a different table thank you I went in asked him do me a favor get me a different seat get me a different table they brought it for me I sat down but I said to one of them I said you know it's not nice you should have told him that this is the rabbis seat he says to me I did he said to me I'm also a rabbi first of all to imagine that a person would be able to do something like that to speak like that is is difficult for us to fathom but what happened again was very very simple till today every now and again someone brings it up but it's not giving the guy any respect you understand why they bring it up so a person who does something like that you must know you do you should not respond you should not react because you should know they have put themselves down you don't have to say anything you don't have to do anything their actions their words have put themselves down in the eyes of others if you respond you go down if you say something back and you bring yourself to their level or it could be in action there's not to be in words but if you respond in like then they will look at you the same way if you don't know anything just ignore it they will know exactly what the facts are and it's not in favor of the other person I want to tell you a story I told it the best way to learn this topic in stories is the true story that somebody told me up to this point I had heard from your Nev Yaniv says we'd like you to come and speak I said sure what topic would you like with text to each other what's up you like I don't know whatever you want I said okay I don't know whatever you want you know whatever you want you decide another or whatever you want you decide okay back and forth back of what else what would you like I don't know whatever you happy I'm happy knowing what you're happy doing I hear this story from somebody and I go you need this is what I'm talking about what am I talking about insults and responses being the bigger person this is the story and I want to coach you I got your attention now right you want to know what the story was that prompted the whole lecture I got to give you some background used to be some years ago our big topic was telling everybody don't watch television don't have a TV in your house you don't know what's on TV you shouldn't have you shouldn't this nobody talks about it anymore unless you've noticed nobody talks about it anymore I remember one of my daughters she's sitting here today so I'm not going to give me a call or else you know she used to tell me I hate it when you talk about that your life isn't why you have to keep bringing it up I don't know it's an important topic how come we're not talking about it anymore it hasn't changed it's still bad the answer is just something so much worse that's why that's what everyone's talking about the internet and the and the handheld devices and what the kids are having access to and everything else has become and I want you to know with roschmann each high was online with madrid org in 1996 nobody else was and I remember slow-mo I don't if you remember I remember being at the midrash when we were all there in Rego Park getting up in 1996 telling people you don't know how dangerous this is nobody was talking about it I said there's so much potential for danger and nobody know what I was talking about now everybody knows so the question is what do you do and there are several organizations all of us who we've mentioned here today who are heavily on the internet we're reaching people thousands and tens of thousands of people around the world spreading Torah and a bunch of those the majority of those they're actually accessing along these handheld devices smartphones and things like that all right so we're clearly in favor of spreading Torah that way not everybody is but we clearly are but there has to be very strong protection that's not the topic of my lecture tonight but I do want to say that there has to be strong protection some people like filters I personally have the system where somebody or more than one person in my family has to have full unfettered unrestricted access to all my devices big and small and all my passwords there can be nothing hidden from anybody all right and one of my daughter's in particular is the one who's constantly checking up on me but they all fiddle with my stuff I just tell them one thing I want to I scare them I said don't you dare ever send an email or a text from my phone or my computer that anyone thinks is coming from me you got to scare them you don't know what they're going to do what they going to say and what kind of trouble I could get into so once I scared them with that I allow them to have unfettered access all right now there are people as I was saying you've been to neighborhoods in Jerusalem probably whether a big signs that basically say in Hebrew if you have a smart phone get out of our neighborhood now the story goes like this there was where it is actually a very recent story that it was told to me a man came collecting as you've seen from Erica Sarah from the Land of Israel collecting money for what I have no idea but he came collecting he went to a synagogue and he prayed in that synagogue now you know some people pray with their smartphones you don't see too much on the whole I find it I find it for men Hannah if there's no problem for shahu it's a little more complicated but some people do use it from time to time for Shari's and I've talked to somebody about and he said the following he said especially on days like fast days where there's a lot of turning in the Sidora finds it much easier because his program his app just has everything in order the way it has to be he doesn't have to flick back and forth okay fine so there was a person who was well respected member of the community was using his phone what he was doing with the phone I don't know what he was praying I'm not getting into that but that's my understanding and there was this man who had come from one of these neighbor apparently where if you have a cellphone get out of our neighborhood who was collecting but was sitting next to him and he was watching this guy on his phone throughout the prayer I was told that after the prayer was over this man who came collecting at the top of his voice started berating this valued member of the community so loudly so that he made sure that the people the other end of the hall would hear everything he was saying and apparently the the man who was berating only said one thing he says you don't know what I'm doing but that set him off even more I couldn't care less what you're doing I don't care how important you what you're doing is I don't care if your grandmother's dying I'm and he didn't say that I'm making that up as a baby that was the kind of thing that he was he was going on and saying and then he added he says and I want to tell you something further he said if you're praying for anybody instead of doing them any favors maybe they're sick and you once in a while maybe he's somebody's passed away whatever he says instead of helping them you're sending them down to getting numb you send them down to hell and he was going on of this guy's this guy's did not respond other than what he told him at the beginning which was you don't know what I'm doing he didn't respond at all all right what was the net result the net result was I'm told the next day the whole community was talking about or at least a bunch of people and they were saying this guy how dare he he comes here he wants to collect money how dare he behave like this how you know shows total disrespect and then one thing led to another about how these guys behave how this how that you know it just escalated into something astronomical who is the one who made a fool of himself it wasn't the guy who was being berated it was the one who was doing the berating and unfortunately unfortunately whatever good there wasn't what he was saying whatever good there wasn't what he was saying got dismissed out of hand by the rest of the people there because of how it was done and the fact that it was done in public he could just as easily apparently and you know it's so much hatred in this person about this whole topic that he has to let it loose because it he has gone quietly to the guy and just let them you know I don't know what you're doing on your phone and he would have found out it would have been it would have been quiet but he said but you know if you're your I don't know surfing the internet which of course you thing you want to do while you're praying you know it's not the thing to do it could actually make it worse and the guy says well I'm not doing that then they would have been able to end this whole thing amicably but that's not what happened so this man then turns around and says the reason mailing the man means the one who was paraded we know the story of King David and shimmy-shimmy even get on the whole story where where he curses King David and he throws stones at King David and this and that and the other and WMA lives they want to kill him and dummy the medicines no how can you do that he may be the one doing it but it came from God if it came from God I deserve it I must have done something whether in this matter and a different matter that I deserve this punishment so yes it's true the guy is nasty the guy's saying things it shouldn't be saying things but if it happened to me I'm not going to kill him or in our cases we shouldn't try and kill it with our words because it happened to me for a reason maybe it's not in the area in which it happened maybe it's in a different area but maybe there's something about me that I need to make it to close I have to look at myself and see why this thing happened to me why does the person insult me but the fact is this that it's true that it's from God but it's also true that the other person did behave in an unacceptable fashion I rabbi Sela Thomas being pannier hover over a beam a person who embarrasses his friends in public GHB adulterer Alma seemed to him even though he's a Torah scholar he says Mastro's and he said I'm great I've studied a dozen I know I guess I do whether all the kinds of things all these kinds of things in low helical um above he does not have a portion in the world to come hold on whenever we hear their expression we don't take it seriously just a minute anybody who embarrasses his friend in public does not have a person portion and the world to come that is hopefully where we're going if you don't have a portion of the world to come there's a portion for you there where are you going Sagan um a rabbis Cullis Cole hello Gilligan um aleem everybody who goes down to hell eventually comes up you know that's why we have the concept of reading Kaddish for 11 months because we say that the the sentence the responsive beam of a Russia of a wicked person is young holy SH began nam is 12 months and gay Nam so we don't want to say that the person for whom we are reading Kadesh is a Russia is wicked so we stop after 11 months because it's 12 months of your Russia there's difference between surviving and Ashkenazi much going to even stuff all together at 11 months and then just on the essays on the dates they read again that day so far you stop for a week there are different customs as to when that week is usually it's right when the 11 months happens but some do it later but they stopped for a week and then continue why because once you stop you said the person is another Russia because I stopped for a week and therefore it's not a full 12 months but we give them as much as we can or we go on another three weeks so in other words a person and there are exceptions to the rule but basically the basic rule is a person goes down to getting numb when a person dies how long they therefore depends if there is Sadiq there like this which through hard dipped in it not even time to get out there there the camera and take a picture of what it's like down there it's too fast they gun they're all the way up sometimes it may be there are a week or month six months up to 11 months unless they're ashamed there is 12 months but eventually they come out call her your Dean again now all those who go down to hell only come out go up who's miss Lucia except for three where husband died who and one of the three you don't need to hear me say do you amazeen Panera Baro better be the one who buries his friend in public so this guy who's telling this person in the vid Knesset go down to the innominate does he know what he was doing does he understand the severity of what he said you know it's easier to think about this for me had someone else in mind him yeah right he doesn't understand he's going to go down again not for saying this but wait a minute hold on hold on hold on a minute how careful must we be not to say something to someone who will embarrass them which will embarrass them in public all of a sudden a Mubeen finna have Alberta beam up I see even though this person has in his hands Quran Marcin Toby even good deeds doesn't have a portion in the world to come now we understand what it means doesn't have a portion in the world to come that is something so severe that I think that we have to be very very careful never ever ever to do that is there a way out of it if a person does do it yes and that is you have to apologize to the person is that ever going to happen because the person is so sure when a person embarrasses another person they're so sure that they are right and this person deserves that is knows you know rubbed into the third that they will never apologize and what about this guy he's gone back to Al and amezo let's say is he ever going to see this guy again to apologize no we have to be very very careful all right the problem is if we were left into this jewel against Jew and we understood that we were one people and we understood that we need to love each other all these all these cliches that are only cliches in our minds if there would only become reality and actually mean something to us then the world would be a little bit different I want to tell you another story I came back from India about two weeks ago has to be two weeks because I'm just getting over the jetlag you're laughing first of all there's a ten and a half hour time difference it's like when it's nice today Wednesday here it's like that it's like insane you don't know whether you're coming or going secondly the flight back the flight just sitting on the plane flying not the bits before and after its sixteen hours when I come back I'm knocked out for two weeks solid now I go regularly to India why because in addition to all the other stuff I'm also the rabbi the spiritual leader of what's called the so Jacob Sassoon trust which has three synagogues under them in India and I have to go there regularly those of you ever heard of David Sassoon many many years ago late 18th century he went from Baghdad to Bombay he basically built up Bombay if you go there is like the whole history is him you'd see him if you look him up David Sassoon he's my great great great grandfather and is basically just inherited it and so I have to go there several times a year now I was there on a previous occasion and add some dealings with a certain person and that person met me at one of the synagogue's but that's this particular synagogue the downstairs is halls and offices the next floor is the is a beautiful synagogue and the top floor is the women's gallery so he had come to see me was he was Indian he was Indian now India I was there this time there was a professor from Moscow is there visiting he says to me I can't do the Russian accent realreal Moscow accent he tells me says this is like the world headquarters of abode of Zara of idolatry because they got idols for this I was right I was late you know there are three religions in India there lot of religions whether three primary reasons the main one by far is Hinduism Hindus then you have the Muslims and then much smaller but you have the the Christians Catholics but but Hinduism is like its Abaza so this Indian gentleman came to see me it in the synagogue but it is downstairs in one of the offices this time he came to see me since you know that other time I saw you with at your temple I said yeah he said I don't understand there were no no were you pray there I said no with prayers upstairs ah I couldn't figure it out he said there were no pictures or idols so we don't have idols you know we don't we don't we just don't have idols yeah you know how for us it's just weird you take a piece of paper you take metal stone and like a Brahma vino you know this big I will broke all the other idols you know come on you made this yourself what are you doing worshipping it I don't understand it as eye opener he couldn't comprehend what I was saying he says how can you pray if you don't see the idol in front of you I'm looking at this guy anyway whatever it is it just to give you a little bit of background they got Idol for this and I don't for that I don't for the other I'm flying to India on this trip I don't have the luxury of sitting in the front you know I sit in the back with all the the baggage you know the baggage is now underneath but or whatever this time unusually I had an empty seat next to me and the other side of the empty seat was an elderly Indian gentleman who's been living for many years in America he's I don't worry he's in Oshkosh Wisconsin was only something someplace I don't know where so he's talking to me you know they see this thing of my head they all want to get into discussions about being Jewish most people know you're Jewish once I was next to a young Sikh gentleman and he said to me oh you're Muslim I got no I said I'm Jewish this is Oh Jewish you're very rich that yeah I'm sitting in the back with you so but this guy was little all very grew up Jewish he says he says tell me this is you also have godlike we say God used the word God I said yeah we say God in English we ne we say God and then I think to myself I better do some kedusha shamian I said but you know we only have one God he opens his eyes and amazed amazement he says to me gosh we have tons truth but what he said next is what I want to talk to you about he says still you know it is gleam in his eyes this is and it makes all kinds of arguments apparently this temple favors this God that temple goes with that God and this one is with that I deliver so than the other I visas are always fighting amongst each other and I'm sitting there thinking you're bono shal alone we have one God and we're fighting with each other while others are we fighting about I don't get it it's like you have one father and mother right and you have a bunch of kids the kids don't always agree with each other I mean I have a little space and stuff I'm not know about that kind of fighting but heavy-duty fighting when you hear about somebody's fighting really serious fight you go why is this so bad so terrible but as the Jewish people we're doing it do against you we got one guys let me do a little cliche seven this work we got one does we should stop fighting with each other we don't have to agree with each other I agree with you if people don't think like me they're wrong I am a hundred percent I'm on board with you I got it right they got it wrong but it doesn't mean I have to hate them and fight so I'll get their entitled their opinion you know when they go to show my and they'll be told you she doesn't like rabadash and then they'll get it twice but in the meantime I can get on with them we have one guys we don't have tons but all her so I think that's a very big lesson that I think I learned from that guy and it's in fighting you don't know what it does it can have the effect of turning religious people away from religion honestly I've seen that people solid people born into these families because the way people behave towards them they get turned off but behaving well and nicely with other Jews can also have the effect of bringing people back I want to tell you a story that is told by a we have more than highly oil our Shalom the chief rabbi of Israel which only see on at the time and about a man who was having trouble making ends meet somewhere in Israel I don't know where was it some town somewhere in Israel not one in the main town he was having trouble making ends meet so what did he do he got smart he said I got away I figured out a way that I'm going to make some money he grew his hair long and only spoke English okay he's only going to speak English I thought what kind of accent yes but the only spoke English and he made everyone think that he's not Jewish he was Jewish Israeli and they all wanted his services as the goyish about the Shabbat boys so all the religious homes when they needed a guy to work for them on Shabbos and stuff they went to this guy he's making out like a bandit he's making money here is change I see Shabbat but they didn't know he didn't there is some foreign only speaks English and you've got long hair and what I was doing was doing work for it he was doing for the families maybe the rabbi's in the town here she both everybody this is the you need to go ahead me somebody that guy he's good he's got good rates and he's got a good smile or whatever it is one day one day this guy goes to the rabbi of the town and he says to him I hope the rabbi was was sitting down he says I want you to teach me how to make fischeri I want to become religious I hope he was sitting because it's very if he fell off his chair it's easier than if you're standing and he follows it's a much harder fall and he probably was doing doing work for this rabbi so the rabbi says to him when he picks himself up and touch the dust himself offices listen something here on speeches is a speech I can't talk I can't talk can't okay say it again since I want to be religious I want you to help me he says explain it to me what's going on why do you suddenly want to become religious he said well I was in the achiever I suppose he was turning on the lights of the air-conditioning and achievers there were all kinds of stuff over there and he says and I heard them talking and one person said that a Jew is a Jew is a Jew whatever he does whatever he doesn't do he remains a Jew and he said it did something to me it did something to me I guess he felt that he wasn't being rejected that he was still accepted as being a Jew then it affected him and he said I want to be I want to be a religious Jew if I'm a Jew and a Jew a Jew despite what I did and and how I fooled the world if I Kadosh Baruch was all about less to me he considers I'm a Jew then I really want to be a Jew I want to do what is required this is something we have to understand how we interact with others is critical it's it's vital can turn people away but it can bring people back the rabbis all tell us your hotel you came everyone tells us that this embarrassing people is one of the worst things that we can possibly do and it can take many different shapes and forms for instance we're told that if somebody is something in their past that they're not happy about don't bring it up I actually saw her in action I saw this in action recently there was a person speaking I mean we're speaking about somebody there and he in the middle of his speech he says about this person is trying to express an honor but he starts saying yeah I remember you and your younger days and those things he didn't say what it was and the person he was speaking about was sitting there smiling but I could imagine what was going through his mind and the worst thing is he doesn't say what it was is the thing probably everyone is trying to imagine what could it have been what could this guy have been getting up to with his younger younger days that he doesn't want to mention this is all I remember I remember why what does it need to do it does it make you feel that you're you're above everybody else because you know something they don't or do you think that it's something cute and the guy will find it funny but probably he won't let's say that he was I don't know he wasn't religious and now he's religious so why are you bringing it up we care about what he is now let's say he was uh he was I don't know overweight nice become very slim or whatever it is whatever it is Basha who Shama Kadosh Baruch who could it look sinister where we are now we have to do the same thing we have to learn from outsiders Rahul we don't start bringing up things in the past that it's going to embarrass people we have to be very very problem is we sometimes talk before we think and they say don't talk more than you have to don't talk more than you have to if you don't talk more than you have to then you're less likely to say the wrong thing and upset another person even if it cell is a joke it can hurt the other person so remember not only must we not embarrass another person not only must we not in public say things because the repercussions are terrible but then we ourselves should not respond to it and if we have to respond remember what our rabbi said us monodrama Shiva hey man that a soft answer can turn away anger but if you give them a harsh answer back you're going to create one almighty explosion I just want to end with this it is macabre host speaking about this monitor answering a person quietly it says Munira mishima someone who answers quietly turns away anger for my alone email how and increases peace with his brothers were incredible and with those he is close to where even cold a damn and with everybody well feeling were freed by shop and even with the non Jew in the marketplace kadesha who blame Allah so that it will be loved or beloved above in heaven when a Muslim Atta and liked down here on earth we here mokuba's other videos and that all people will accept him and then it speaks about this famous case of Libya on hangman's Akai you allow it said about a Raban Yohanan Ben Zakai of are abandoned in Sakai shallow bheemavaram shallow maryland that no person ever wished him before he wished them were a single knock Reba shook not even the non Jew in the marketplace with Jews we're the ones who have to like the world we have to lead by example we should start with our own people lead ourselves by example and how we behave with our own people and if they don't behave appropriately with us we should show them how not to react and how we should react quietly and above all let the nations of the world like I would say we have to do our victory showing them you know kedusha shame let's show them because they know we have one God let's show them the kedusha shame of how we behave with them and the entire world and hopefully who those about who will take away all this this argument and fighting and soon bring us majestic animate come to me Ravi Emmanuel annulus so in Amara moon [Applause]