Inside ArtScroll - Season 4 Episode 3: The Stories, Observations, and Humor of Rabbi Fishel Schac...

[Music] Hello everyone and welcome back to inside art scroll where the books you read and the people who write them come to life. Today I am privileged to be joined by Rabbi Fishel Shehar, noted mager, rebi marbbitra, author, speaker, writer, storyteller in honor of the release of his brand new book. Did this ever happen to you? A brand new art school book. Thank you, Rabbi Shakar, for being here. My pleasure. How do you remember all those things? All those titles of yours. Yeah. Did you really? Can I know her? You do wear many hats. Yeah. I don't want to be jack of What does it say? Jack, Jack of all trades, a master of none. Can I know her? Rebar. You're a jack of many trades and you're a master of them all. Apparently, you're mashi on many people and I think everyone is a master in their own right and the in life is to find out where you're good at and stay away where you're not good at. Well, you're you're reaching many people through many different mediums. Right. Right. Is this your first book? There once was an arts world book with heritage foundation. Right. Close enough. Right. But that was quite a few years ago. Right. So this book really brings out your personality if I may say. Um you you have a a column that you write in the Hamodia correct Indian magazine. Indian magazine which is very popular and this is the the it's that style of messages combined with stories and a lot of humor I must tell you that reading it I I've been laughing a lot and sitting in this chair very often when I interview people I talk about books that are inspiring. It's not so often that I talk about an art school book that's also very very funny. So for the viewers out there, they should know that this brand new book not only is it inspirational, but it has a a great dose of humor. So I tell people it's not so much that I have a sense of humor, it's just these things happen to me. So it's just uh I don't know if they don't happen to other people, right? Win writes my script. Right. Right. So it's it's a good feeling to make people laugh. It really is. And and you do that live and now in in writing as well, right? And um you know somebody once approached me and said what about litonus and what about is it proper is it not Korean. So I asked I asked my Rav and um he told me a member from the old school who said once that there's a very fine line between batanis which how would you translate batanis which someone's getting up and just making people happy and which is of course positive and lean which is ultimately negative right and he said that whenever you say a line or a story have in mind three things one is to make sure that it's not in someone else's no one else is being hurtard over here that you're delicately you're not not not in terms of a class of people or individuals I mean say Gillisiana Polish and Gangers that's kind of kind of acceptable but no one really should have any angles nefish you really have to scan and filter and filter and they try to do no one is going to walk away from here slightly slightly hurt even if they say they're not second is that it should be totally clean and when I say clean obviously I don't mean more than clean it has to be able it has to be fine and the third is that you really want to make people happy. You really want to make people happy because happy people happy yen are good y it's an open up it's you open their heart for what's coming afterwards and I try I mean we're not perfect but I really try to scan those three things and you do you do it quite effectively and apparently people appreciate it because you you do speak all over the world and you're able to address all different types of audiences. Um growing up did you envision yourself as being this uh globe trotting maritzy speaker and and and and what was it like growing up? What did you think you maybe the globe trotting probably not the marit speaker was to it I don't know I must I probably was or my mother's tears my parents supporting family everything else or maybe it's like hashem said listen this is what you have to do in this world and don't try to do anything else okay because I'm just going to push you right back into it right where did you grow up what's your background so I was actually born in Crown Heights um people say to me what was your first speaking event I'm sorry I didn't want to take away your your other questions no go ahead I always say what I heard from Kamal. He said once my first time I addressed an audience was by my when I was three years old when I got up and said um no I grew up um I grew up in Barak essentially. And you went to yeshiva. So I started out in uh there was yeshiva called Bhuda which was under the debit and uh there I went to Bits for a while and I was in Bmul and then Bish in Tvadas. Mhm. And you basically haven't really left Tarvadas since No, I haven't really leftas a hard place to leave. Yeah. Uhhuh. Who did you learn under invadas? So I was to learn by for two years. I mean I sat there. Okay. And I learned I sat I was listening I was listening to the words. I heard a lot of words. I listened I got an image of what it used to be and I was to be part of palm. Wow. And so those are very specials also was someone that I think changed my life. Belowki actually gave a homalytics course and uh I think I was 16 or 17 years old and he got up to say my and he like told me okay you're going to have to stick with this. I thought it was a nice thing to say, but I guess nice things that you have to you have to take very seriously nice things to say. Sometimes a homalytics course meaning what what was that in essence? In essence, it was to teach people how to address a ramen. Wow. Reser used to do it in teras almost like an oratory course. That's what officially what it was. That's what it was. Yeah. Somebody was sponsoring it, but it really was kind of a shar. Everyone got up and said and you got a husk forki said that you have a talent. You got to keep doing this. You got to keep doing it. You got to keep doing it. So he recognized that early on. He recognized that early on and Rafulski had a lot of Russians coming to yes doing night classes and he said no you go here and go there I said I can't do this he just he didn't take no for an answer and eventually did that what what came first teaching in the classroom or speaking publicly for you people always say that to me I'm not sure I never really not good chronic chronicles um my father I was a I was born after 12 years Okay. 10 years to 12 years, one of the two, I'm not sure, but somewhere along the lines. My parents were soul survivors. Both of them are soul survivors. You can imagine what they went through in those uh in those 12 years. Wow. And there's a story that I've said it so many times. I'm probably coming out of people's ears. But uh just just to kick things off, um if people want they can fast forward through they could they could skip through they can just close. That's the way I feel about these interviews. A live shar I have raman on the people here. I'm not forcing you to listen, you know. No, we don't we don't force people to listen. We hope that they're listening for their leisure. Right. Right. And we hope it's enjoyable enough that they're not jumping back. Right. So, I know you may have you may have heard the story. I there was there was a old man who's live on my block and I taught him how to use, you know, one of the hot lines called Lushian. He said he doesn't have patience. Said you can fast forward. I showed him how you can fast forward a shear. And I came back after a while and he said, "It's not happening. It's not working." And I I said, "No, you're listening to a live shear. You cannot fast forward a live shear. It's only a recorded sh You told me it works. I said, "Well, not well." Uhhuh. Anyway, so um so after like I think it was 12 years, my mother show him there was no organizations that really helped with fertility or so on and she had gone to a doctor on Park Avenue and the doctor said to Mr. Shakh, "There's nothing else to do." And she tried to argue and this is what he said to her. He said, "When hair will grow on the palm of my hand, you're going to have a child." It was the end of the conversation. and she walked out and she was quite dejected and she said she felt it wasn't just she and my wasn't wasn't just my mother and my father it was like you know all her her grandparents her whole extended family were the sole survivors and she got onto the Madison Avenue bus and she said I'm never getting off this bus and the bus just went back and forth and back and forth toward the end of the day um the driver got up and said ma'am you got to get off the bus and she said no I'm not getting off the bus and she she always said he took off his hat and he said he goes Mrs. I don't know what your problem is. Okay. But it's not going to get better if you sleep in a bus garage. Get off the bus and get on with your life. So she felt that that was like a message from Shai. Mhm. And she said, "You know what? I'm not the one that decides what I'm doing with my life or how I'm doing with it and I'll do what I have to do." And she got off the bus and said, "Whatever's going to be is going to be." And I was born a year later. Wow. Um so my father really pumped me with a lot of stories as a Ben Yak. And I didn't there was no such a thing as me going to sleep without story after story after story. You grew up with it? I grew up with it. It was like my heroes were the Rebish and the Rebel and the and it was just again and again and again and again and um it was kind of yeah something that that your style of of storytelling which probably works very well in the classroom, right? It well again you can't eat ice cream three for three. You can serve ice cream three three courses. Right. Right. It works if you know how to apply it properly. So I was very into stories was part of my life and the Shabas table. We had a lot of guests. Um my father again another story which some of you have heard to me maybe one time too many. Um my father during the war they were they were they were he was in Shanghai which is a whole different story is not for now but they wound up in vill running from place to place and they hadn't eaten in days and they sat down by this yid and he cut up some kalum and the boys took the kalum he started yelling at it and tell you can take get out of here he probably didn't just didn't have enough to go around and they walked out and they were quite displeased with him they hadn't eaten in days and my father said you know what he said look I have no time isn't anyone if I live through the war if I live through the for then I will not wash without a guest. That was a promise that he made and he kept that promise and we we almost always had guests almost always. Um we had steady people wonderful people and there were times that uh if we didn't have my father would go down to Shabas on the corner the shul all kinds of different members of and he would bring back uh a variety of very different kinds of people. Wow. So I grew up really with all kinds of people around the table and I think that that gave me a certain uh understanding of like the I never had a shoe box on top of me. I think I think it was always wide open and that was a kadeshbar part of a kajbu's plan I think to opened up a kind of broader way of understanding who people are right now you started teaching in the classroom how many years after you were married when did you start teaching? So actually what came first was um Dialodaf. Oh okay. That came first and that's a fascinating story on its own. So before you tell the dial story I want to share a memory of my own. Okay. About 25 years ago um I don't know if I'm dating myself. When I was a baka toima there was a new cycle of dafi. I wish I could say that 25 years ago when I was a bach you were a ber dating yourself. I'd say 45 years ago. Okay. So I decided to do dafamu. Remember when you used to think of your 40-year-old? Yes, I do. Remember those days? Yeah. Anyway, um I decided I wanted to do Dyu which is a little unconventional for the mainstream yeshiva system and I didn't stick with it all the way through but at least at the beginning and so I had an arts but I wanted to listen to air and this is pre the app days and pre-coal and there were various options dial was around but I remember driving my bike down 18th Avenue to the Mr. Applebound's uh Torah tape library. I think it was Rebea Applebound. I think it was 50th Street. 50th and 18th, something like that. Between 18th and the dead end. Between 18th and the dead end, second house off the corner, I think. And I remember I went in, I got the tapes for the first, let's say, 10 plot of brahas. And I remember bringing it back to Yeshiva Bay. I sit down with my little tape recorder. It was a dollar a tape, right? I think it was a dollar a tape. You gave it back. You got back a quart. You got back. You got back got back 75 cents. 75 cents. Right. Right. got back 75 cents and unless you were trading it in I think you were able to keep going vital you didn't have to give more money right and I sat down I he didn't make the Forbes top 10 by some definitely not up there yeah up there for sure was not this was was not we're not doing it for the money this was habo and I remember putting into a tape recorder and I turn it on you have to explain what a tape recorder is to the viewers yes yes okay anyway yeah I turn it on and there you It was you. You welcomed me into the world of Di 25 years ago. Soft soothing voice. I don't remember exactly what you said, but I remember you said something about the fact people always say they remember your jokes. I don't remember the sheer but okay at least at least by it was it was an unbelievable that nowadays there are many many dafades all of them fantastic. Unbelievable. One better than the other right. They're they're super but really you were from the pioneer tap magish in English. They were Indian English right in English. So I'll tell you a cute story. I was once on a plane and I was sitting next to someone and he was telling me that he grew up in a quasi from school but he had one rebby that was that was that was really very very into. And he uh do you remember those days in class when you would listen to a thing you had a thing in your ear and the wire you would run the wire through your sleeve? I'm not going to admit that I know of. So you could kind of sit in class like this and it looked like you were anyway. So he said he was listening to Frank Sinatra which is not you know there we heard you know it was okay and his rebi looked at him and said what are you listening to I'm not really listening to anything whatever and he took it he said so his he said his punishment was he had to sit the entire lunch and listen to air was hardly from you know what I mean and he said he popped in one of my tapes and he's listening all he bursts out laughing so the rebi accused him of changing the tape to some comedian he said why are I did you change? He said, "No, I didn't honestly." What are you laughing? I said, "Well, you listen." You know, and uh I remember even the joke I made, but we'll leave it for now. But uh so he said it was it was it was you and you started with a right and he said that you should know that that got him into learning into listening. He said, "You have any more of these?" And he said he said he's been learning pretty much off and on since then. Yeah. But that that really got his interest. Now he's himself. Wow. Now I cut you off. You were about to tell how did you get hooked up with dial after you started delivering a dafish. Okay. So here's an interesting story and I think it's an important lesson also people I think it's maybe in the book somewhere I don't remember but I was in camp terdas. Remember camp tervdas? No you remember camp terodas? I was very young. Yeah. Yeah. There was a camp called camp teras. It was the camp. It this was the camp. This was the place to be. And there were two parts of the camp. The one part was where the counselors were and the other part was the masmidenim and the you know the holy holy part and the part that was making other kids everything was holy but just in different ways and I was learning you know all day because whatever I was you know an supposedly but I love plays and I love stories and when color war came I was like I would sneak over the fence and I would help them and once they offered me to be like some kind of lieutenant something in color war and those days color wars. It It was different. It was like I you can't imagine what it was like. I mean, the people in one color war were on a high the rest of their lives. The purple that the ones that lost that needed therapy, they were like gone. They're like, you see 25 year old people, kids crying was like and they offered me to really uh be part of the play in some position. And I was so excited, but they said I have to ask them and re and um because officially I belong to the other side. Mhm. So I went over to him and I said, "You know, it really bothers me this the stories they have today for color war. Everything's about shooting and detectives and what's with the good old malente of stories and the flying wagons." So he said, "Yeah." So therefore, I just want to go like I'm I'm going to go in. I'm going to straighten it out. Notice I avoided asking the question. I just want to come. But he was a couple of years ahead of me and he said, "Okay, but what does that have to do with you?" I said, "Uh oh." So I started again, you know, I want it's like all the everything today is with shooting and guns. I understand. What does that have to do with you? said like I want to be part of the place. So he said for whatever reason that it was like three days of no learning and no doubting and no eating and and the environment and he said whatever where I was coming from and I I don't think you should do it. I remember my my my heart almost fell out of my thing and I started to argue and he said to me and this is a good rule. He said to me okay so do what you want and I was stuck. So said don't you dare do it and if you do it you're going to be thrown out of camp. So there's that bucker in me that would have said okay okay let's see let's see if he throws me out you know right but because he said okay so do what you want that meant that what I was doing I was defining myself right I'm not going to stop you asked me I'm telling you so I was stuck I told him I'm not I'm resigning and it was very very difficult for me was a 17-year-old I I was a good boy I sat and learned it's not like I I tried you know but it was hard for me to learn this would have been my my chance you know to to for fame and you know you can't be any greater cover than color war in camp right couldn't couldn't think higher than that and I sat in the maj for three days and I cried like a baby and my remember so I opened up a mishna I remember and I was shap okay and I was just started learning I said I'm going to be here for three days because I couldn't bear to see everyone else having good time having good time was just we had a good time on the other side of the fence oh so just this this was my chance you know and uh I remember I started I said I'm not going to sit there and clutch for three days and I started to learn and something opened up in my mind in learning because I'm not going to say I never learned till then but I I learned all the ticis and I looked up every single thing and something happened in those three days okay I survived it believe it or not I survived the post trauma and the summer was over and life went on so fast forward that year was the dormator and he came over to me said they were looking for an older bakr to give a shir to some of the younger bakr and uh uh is between supper and nightser and I said can I learn per he said learn whatever you want and I learned with them we had a bunch of kids very some of them by far outgrew me many different ways there was one kid that was struggling and he was crying and I felt so bad for him I said I am going to make you know what I'm going to make a tape for you and I made a tape of nice I knew and I gave him the tape and he was listening to it and it helped you know it felt good and that passed okay so now uh chapter three Fast forward, I'm married and Ellie Tobam has this great idea and people are going to call in and hear. It was unheard of. Mhm. I want Never mind that there were no cell phones then. There were no home computers, right? This is before home computers. Right. It was was we're talking about we're talking about 1980s, right? Now, early 80s. Yeah. We're talking 40 years ago. 40. Probably 40 years ago. Yeah. You know what it you know what it means? No cell phone. I'll tell you what it means when you made a bra in the morning. It was not a that's what it meant. And there were there had his ways by the way. We weren't we weren't yet free. Don't think that he always so but he had this idea you're going to call in and listen to a he you walked into his place looked like I don't know how to explain it. Looked like you know some kind of mad laboratory. Bunch of in his basement right I should mention was my rebi. There you go. Fourth grade rebi. Yeah. So there was like a bunch of tape recorders piled up and the lines went in and there were cassette tapes turning and flipping and there was a whole and everyone said it's not going to work. It was his own contraption of of calling in and it it worked. The system worked and and you only heard the daff at the beginning of the hour. In other words, if you called in to call in you called in a quarter after you were 15 minutes into the da and um then I thought maybe I can do a daff and I was just alive nothing young man. So I by mistake not so by mistake left the cassette tape with the Mishnayas on his on his desk and I said let's see let's see what happens and uh the next day I came by and happened to come by you know left my handkerchief there or something you know it goes and he said to me like you know what when a shak says don't call me I'll call you you know that's kind of I said okay I tried you know and then fast forward so they're up to me cotton and I walk in there at night on way home from night seder and Um, of course my wife thought I was my nightstander the entire time, right? Of course. I stopped her from earlier and I walked in there just to say, you know, help out. Listen, helping out with toyra is also learning, right? Sure. Help out a little bit. And I walked in there and there was a showdown. There was a man who said he doesn't want to do which is that deals with of morning and ais. And he said, "I don't want to do it because it's a battle." So Ellie said, "You want to skip it? It's part of shas. What do you mean? So he said uh um you know he'll do the whole so it gets swallowed in but he won't just do this this peric exclusively. So Ellie sent him but other people already worked on the entire I can't take it away from him. He said if you don't give me the whole I'm taking back my tapes. He had his tapes in a bag and I'm walking out with him. Now Ellie Taliban was the wrong person to threaten. Okay. So he says leave. He said you're not going to have the tapes so leave. You're not going to have the tape so leave. I'm going. So go. you know and he left and I said Ellie what are you going to do and he looked at me and said like you know know the saying in Yiddish the moes is you know there's no one around he said give it a whirl for it so I was up the entire night I was up the entire night I first I was scared I was really scared there's something it's a hot potato so it's like getting the getting the yeah yeah so the the just moved into barak that night was the first night I think he was open to the public and and I went to ask him he said do it so I said to him but is it a bad thing you know is he said no anything inra is doesn't make a difference doesn't make a difference just you do it so I said to me fasted when you learn daily so he told me fasted daily telling you do you go you have to go okay he gave me the and I was up the entire night and did it and redid it and redid it and redid it and there it was and I gave it into him and it and he's it just had a certain had a certain and all of a sudden I was I was good to go as part of the rotation. Wow. But I always think I could have said to the mas then I could have said well he told me I can do what I want right and I would have acted in the play and I would have reached my fame. You know what I mean? And then I would have been I don't know working on a computer some place the rest of my life and I wouldn't be good at it. So you got to be careful for those moments in life where Hashem gives you an opportunity and it usually comes with some level of sacrifice or disappointment or disappointment. Right? So you got to look and I think that's that's to a great degree the theme of the book. take those disappointments and convert them because underneath there are usually switches to to brah to where you are. Now it's it's an interesting question I ask whenever I have in this chair which I've been fortunate to have over the over the past few years. I asked them what do you find the differences in being when you started which is a few decades ago to today? What do you find to be the major difference in terms of the children that you're dealing with? Right. I must have heard I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard that question in my life. Honestly, it's just that the changes his clothes guys, correct? But we had our nice and we had our tests and I remember there was like you know um I think kids are kids. Um technology definitely changed the face of it. you know what a kid can do, you know, walking into a bathroom when no one is looking, holding on his phone and locks the door and where he would have to have traveled to Manhattan or to travel to where that's obvious. But but having said that, the was always here and kids were always kids. Mhm. And I think if anything has changed radically for the better, what a classroom looks like and what we're doing with kids. And unfortunately, I'm not in denial of of of those that are falling out. But I think that if you look at those that are staying in and and and those that are coming around, I think is is is honestly do I see a real difference in kids? I said that the Kaisa said before Mashiah is going to come um that the Dharma Mabel was could have been the D of Msiah and they blew it right the 40 days of rain could have been Kabulra and uh then they came down against the Dam Midbar but they couldn't be Msiah because they're just it's not fair you're surrounded by an so before Mashia is going to come is going to send Dharma Mabel and Dharma Midbar in one generation you'll have to sort it out and that's going to be the goal and I think that's what we have today in a way we have Tyra like we never had for we have kids that have a to learn. We have kids that want to learn. You have fathers that are and you have yeshivas and you have the and you have well art scroll and you have the ability to learn and everything else. Now on the other hand there are tested that never was. So I don't think anything is different today. I think it's just an accumulation of all the toys of the generations and the of the generation and Hashem says sort it out now because this is it. We're up the perception anyway. I I think the the general perception is that it's harder than ever because the children don't have the zits flesh they used to have. That's true. That's true. Their attention span is shorter so teaching 35 years ago that it was so easy. So um no but that's refreshing to hear that if you feel that kids are kids and and what work then will work now. Our kids are kids. What always tell the kids is that God wasn't taken by surprise because technology smartphones internet they never want to think tires in danger. Wait a minute. Rasham creates everything. He created this. Said why would he do that? I said I don't know. Why did he make wars? Why why why is there a Spanish Inquisition? I said every why why why did your great grandfather struggled with Shmeir Shabas? Every generation from Harina till Mashiah has his challenges. This is by design our challenge. Not Hashem was taken by surprise. This is our challenge. This is we're going to take it and go with it and do our best with it. And this is our braha to to the world. This this is by plan. No, I I think it's important and that's an important message for kids to hear. Now, when you speak to adults, typically you go around, you're invited for a shabas or to speak at at events. Is there a particular topic that you find that you're speaking about it again and again? Is there a universal message that you try to share? How do you typically, you know, if it's if you're speaking at a mids event, so you're going to speak about the you speak about you speak about whatever that organization. In other words, money, right? Yeah. I I guess in other words, money. Exactly. But when you when you when you go away for shabas, you're speaking multiple times over a shabas. Um what generally is your message? So shabas are in a camp. Sometimes there are themes. Want to stay around the theme. But I think the real thing is just to see the in our lives. I think that's what it is. Um people always ask me how come you have stories. How come I don't have stories? And the answer is I said we do. You just have to see it. You just have to see it. Feel the practice. Feel just feel that you're not a number. Hashem created you. He knows who you are. He's behind you. He's watching you. He's rooting for you. He's invested in you. And then begin to see it. Begin to see it in your lives. Um, and then just take everyday life and apply it, which is really what you do. That's really what you do in this book very much. We're talking about real life scenarios. Most of the stories are things that happened to you. They're not just, you know, stories that you heard, right? And you and you bring out the that human element and the part of it. People always say, "You created a story. There's no real story. You created a story." I said, "No, there is a story. You don't most people don't see it." Right. Right. But there there there is a story. But that's what's so charming about it that you're able to bring it out in a very very human way. Right. Um and in a very very humorous way, which is uh what makes it very special. And I think that's why especially nowadays when people are very weigh down I I think that is a difference maybe from from the years ago that we were talking about maybe is similar. I do think the arum and of our lives are different in that people are much more harried now and much more under stress. I' I've asked people of the previous d if they agree and they agreed they agreed. They they my mother used to say in the she says back at home nobody made a living but we lived remember here people make a living people are making livven but they don't live alive right exactly just just take a moment to stop and think take a moment take a breather stop and think right once told someone he went to work he said I want you to have special by certain words so he said to me the first he said that's when you say the words of the miracles that took place for you every single day. So, I want you to think in your mind, make a mental note of the miracles. He said, "Well, if I can't find any," he said, "Then you're not thinking. You're not thinking. Think and I think that um you know, people come to me and and and they'll say, "My shabas table, it's it's it's it's disaster." You know, I come I prepared so hard. I I prepared a and a dr and I got up there and the kids aren't sitting there. my 2-year-old is not willing to b patient, you know, and and you try to describe the kids fighting and things turning over. And I said, that's what makes us laugh. That that that just learn how to live with it. Learn how learn how to make it part of you. Learn learn how to enjoy it. Learn how learn to share with it. It's not supposed to be by route. People look at you as a source of very much, right? Um they that's what they hear from you inside inspiration. Do you find that there are people that people are coming to you with a need for in particular areas you know whether it's shambas you mentioned before about kids falling out of the system we'll call them kids at risk these are all very very parnosa is is a tremendous challenge do you find that there are specific areas that people are being miat by you you know rabbi help me I need I need a I need a life preserver help me get through this not just me I think anyone that's anyone that has a friend and anyone That's someone who has a voice like you also right. Um yeah sure people are really people are really going through the grind. People are really really you know sometimes just you can't imagine what people are going through. And what do you do when they come to you with that what's your response? Just listen. Listen I don't have a magic wand. I always tell them wish I had a magic wand and I'm not going to talk down to you. I'm not going to make you believe that I am Mr. Bak and that I don't have a problem in the world. And I said, you know, I remember Roy Franlin saying when my check engine light goes in my car, I fall apart. You know what I mean? Like uh and by me it's an air tummy in my car. So, uh no, what I what I try to do is I try to validate their feelings and equate myself. I said, "Yeah, I'm going I go through the grind also and I have my scares also and and this is how I dealt with it. And I know it's not as bad as yours, but I think what people re what people really really need is to listen an ear to for someone to hear them. And the works that way in the you know when when I'm listening to you the if you're listening to him and he's listening to you says I'll listen to you even if you're not deserving. I think if we took the time to listen to people and I always say it I say it to my kids. I say it to everyone. I say it to me. How how much of the day that you spend listening to someone, not trying to find a potential customer. Just give someone the time. Just just listen. Um we don't have people, you know. Remember you used to write letters. You used to write letters to your parents. Sure. I actually did. Right. When I was in Camp Silver Lake. Yeah. I used to write uh I know this is not about me, but I used to write a card home every day. Every single day for for all my years in Camp Silver Lake. talking about probably seven. You have your mother has them. My mother saved them. Wow. Then when I went to learn Why did you write a book? A book of those cards. I'll interview you. I'm You remember put out a book of her of her letters? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So when I went to learn, my brother had done this before me. I have one brother and he wrote letters home. So when I learned to every week I would write like five, six pages home. That was the beginning of my writing career. Wow. And my mother has them. Yeah. So I did write letters. So I remember when I was in camp and I would write a letter to my parents. You remember where I would write a nice struggle. I never learned that but I was there. There was remember those earmail letters the blue earmail letters. Right. Sure. And I would sit down to write. I said let me be careful what I'm saying because if I say I have a cold, my mother's going to think I have pneumonia. You know what I mean? If I say I have fever, she's going to come running with it all. I you know let me and and I had to think about my parents and I had to think what I was writing. And I was totally focused on them. And when I got a letter, it was it was very important to me when I got a letter from my parents. I waited at night till everybody was sleeping till I read it. And I said, but today who writes letters? Because why write a letter, right? My first son went there at Croy and we were all so emotional and we were so like can't believe it and you know he's you know and then when he would he would call and it was like once a week and it was more expensive and I would think before what I'm going to say the time my my bunch of sons down the line it was like okay so do me a favor. run to the corner Tom and you shal oh I forgot okay just you know cuz he calls me three times a day it's like you know right so I said because he's so accessible in your I never had that time where I sat down to to think right other than a story in the book I say it happened to someone else but really happened to me um which is quite you know but I remember my first son came back from so we were so emotional and we hung up balloons and and pictures and we were counting down we had chart we counting down the days and he begged me not to come to the airport you know cuz you like scene and we waited outside for the car to come in and the whole family was there and then then like six seven sons later I'm laying in bed 6 o'clock in the morning and I said who is ringing the bell at this time of the day and I open up the window and there's this kid there with suit's coming home today what you know and then when I came to show I said so he came in I said do me a favor can you take the welcome home sign and hang it up because if the kids see we missed it they're going to be upset as soon as you finish let me tell you what I need the garage I'm waiting for you to clean it out you know so um I I think that because we couldn't communicate so easily. We have to focus on people when we spoke to them when we wrote letters and and today we lose it because we're so accessible. We don't we don't which is why doing also you have to like you know you know what the mile of a cell phone is that you can close it before diving. You can make a statement I'm trying to close the world out and I'm I'm trying to focus on you. The the truth is I could sit with you for for for for so many uh so for hours ask you questions. I want to ask you a couple more things that uh if I ever got a chance to sit with a proficient chef, I would want to ask. You're a master storyteller. You're a master speaker. I love listening to you. I I never get bored. Like you you seem to pull the listener in very quickly and you just keep them there engaged. What What You should have been in my class. You would have a different opinion when I taught eighth grade, but okay. Some I don't think so. But um what tips could you give to ordinary people who do speak sometimes in public or to people who are striving to be talented or orators and they want to reach people. What is the key to success? The key is assess the situation. I always say every speech is four speeches. It's a speech you prepare. It's a speech you say. It's a speech like could have said better. And it's the speech that people hear and usually has no connection to each other. The worst thing is when you come in with a with a script and you're not connecting to the audience, but but you can't get out of your script and you're just going on and on. You have to have a feel. You have to have a sense. Okay. Do you do that a lot when you prepare a speech, you come to an event and you totally change course 100% all the time? Always. Wow. But my problem is when I want to look up later what I said the year afterwards, I'm looking at these notes and that doesn't help me because there's no sh. So Rashan used to say what what goes into your head at the moment is uh is you know what you're supposed to say. So as long as you have a feel for something and you want to say it happens to me all the time. Yeah. You you want to say but um when I prepare my notes I'm going to say okay I I I I there's an opening there's there's humor there's there's a story and everything is focused to get that in. It's all the package. It's all the cream to get it in. Okay. If I stretch that too long, I lost it. Mhm. Then I lost it. And what they say about a speech, you need a good beginning and a good end and the smallest distance in between. But they have you got to buy a sim to speak. So no one came there for your speech. So one, two, three, punch line and sit down. People really are coming you to speak. So you you're giving them you feel where you are. And never talk down to a crowd. Never talk. I think the problem today is if we would wash negleer properly, it would be different. You know, that may be true. Okay. You're not getting the audience that way. Right. Right. Tell them a good funny story about then roll it in. You know what I mean? Never never a direct one, two, three punch. Just come around from the back door. Interesting. And I always say people will call me to about a certain thing and I'll start telling a story. They go, "Where's he going with this?" And I said, "Now I'm on target." Okay. I need people to ask where where's he going? I mean little tricks in the trade. When you see people falling asleep, this always works. But don't tell. This is between us. Okay. I always say the next story I really should not be repeating publicly. Everyone wakes up. Tell me. It's like I shouldn't be saying this. I hope I don't get in trouble for this. Everyone pays attention. Then everyone pays attention words and you get everyone in and like everything else, you know. So I have this thing that I like to learn to pay before I give a speech. Really? You're going to ask why? Because I have found in my career as with speeches like with everything else at times it's it's great and it's successful and at times it flops and I always found whenever I say this is such a great speech I am going to have this crowd they're going to be get a standing ovation they're going to be roaring flat so I say okay you got to sayam I need you got to sayam I need you so I always say like this and right before the speech I want to look over my notes one more time now I want to pay attention nice that has no shas to this whatsoever ever. So we have I know good and well. Okay. Bottom line is means um says the word comes from the word for if people are going to like this, if people are going to like me, if I'm going to be funny, if I'm not going to be funny, the need for humor, for a joke, not to hurt anyone, it's in your hands anyway. I do mine, you do yours. I want to show you that I know it's not up to me. So therefore, I'm learning now which I know is no. I'm doing this and you do yours. I always do. If I forget to learn that parish I I'm telling you I I I really believe that I I feel uh special. Do you keep do you have like a rolodex at home of of uh folders or sto you know of stories on top of I can't find them I'm not a very organized person but if I was an organized person I would lose half the stories in this book and most of the stories like where in the bunch of air I have my keys you know that's where most of the stories come from so because because it I would think it's I do in my head I do in my head in my mind I do in my mind I do because someone calls you up I need you to speak for kas something so right away you have to start uh my problem is when someone says I'm speaking enough give me a good story and a good joke. I I I got to get into this. I feel, you know, I got to get into it the way I would get into it for myself. Right. Right. But sometimes it's hard to give over the story to someone else because part of the the story is you saying it, right? It's not just the story itself, right? People will like I have this story in the book, this guy that uh he was he's a real tough lawyer and he said, "I have to speak my son's bar mitzvah." And I said, "No, no, no, no, no. Don't speak it. I'm telling you, it's not your No, my wife says and I have to say you get up there and you say just thank you everyone for coming. Thanks uncle Aaron for coming from Baltimore. Thanks Tom Burchcha for not coming and whatever whatever you say. My wife said we need some humor. So I need humor go speak that'll be the humor. He said come on. So I said I said I'm you got to read a joke from a script. It doesn't work. Okay. So I I gave him this simple joke. I said you know one person brought him the other person brought him. One person brought him an umbrella. He said why you ring an umbrella? I want to bring something you're going to open. So he gets up there and he goes, "I want to tell you this unbelievably amazingly funny joke." And I'm saying, "Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You never start a joke by saying it's going to be a very funny joke." Then he goes, "They once gave a mitz boy an umbrella to open." And people are staring at it and no one's laughing because they didn't know it was a joke. Now, every speaker knows if a joke falls flat, you don't need a beat a dead horse. You move on, right? He's so he's going, "But you don't get it. They they gave him a perfect umbrella to open." I said, he said, "What did I do wrong?" I said, "First of never introduce a joke that is very funny because it will never be very funny." And I said, "What makes people laugh is the element of surprise." Okay? If you're expecting him to open a safer and instead he's opening an umbrella, that may or may not as funny. But if you're starting the joke that he's opening the umbrella, that's nothing funny about opening an umbrella. And then I said to myself, but that's what life is, right? The more we think things are coming to us, we're not happy. What makes us happy? Surprise. God, you don't only, right? I mean I I I said that there's this these horrible earthquakes Islam, you know, heart goes out for the people that are suffering, but their whole house caved into them, caved in on them. The house became their graves. Do you ever think when you walk into a house that it's a gift that your house is standing just the least you take for granted and the happier you are in life? Then then then you're laughing yourself and there's something in your own life. That's what I think. On that note, yes, we'll leave with that message. We thank you. Thank you for always being a tremendous source of practical inspiration. You really you really talked to people and talked honestly I talked to myself and uh I want to thank you Rebbitson. Okay. Who came out to to uh join us for this interview to watch. Okay. Um and I know make sure I behave. Yes. Make sure you behave. Right. Right. But uh she is your your aer and she's behind you. Yes. And we thank her for her contribution for allowing you to dedicate yourself to the can't do without her. No question about it. your your stories, your inspiration. You should continue. This should be the first book of many. Amen. Okay. And we look forward to continuing to hearing from you. Thank you so much. Thank you for this. Thank you for being here. [Music]