Iggeres HaGra #11 - Can One Do Teshuva For Raising Bad Children?

this torah class is brought to you by torahanytime.com okay good afternoon everyone thanks everyone for joining welcome to we continue in the uh shear on the igara sagura now um a few people commented this might be one of the most sensitive things that we ever came across and we ever learned um it's actually somewhat of a painful thing that the gross says that a person has to really be very careful to teach their children and train their children to learn to frame us or not to curse not to swear not to speak falsely don't let up don't be lenient with them and because the gross says even if a parent does his utmost to train and to teach a child and they're not macabre woe to that bhusha and bizaryan in the world to come and the quotes rashad and sadiq rashford and russia arasha who's the son of atsadik they will call him or russia the son of a russia if the father is the sadiq but the kid is a russia the father is called russia as well so that's uh somewhat of a harsh sentence that the the garage quoting a gemara in fact the grub rings in uh and the evan shlaima parakvava is alive how careful one has to do with their children because the parent will be culpable and even if they're at saddik and they're in ganeden they will be taken out of the garden of eden to see what the repercussions to their child is and this is even quoted by the prophet and it's painful even to say over him brings it uh i remember in the safe smear and also brings in a safer verb and we mentioned yesterday from rakhim kaniyevsky and from gerschneiderstein that it's their opinion that even if a parent did their utmost they're still liable because they could have davened in fact uh talk about the uh great obligation that a parent has to uh daven for their child and uh many would ask the briskerov what is the eight saw to have good children he said they're no atheist all there is is felix tehillim and tears he uh somebody once came to the briskerop's house and he was sitting around the table speaking and learning with all of his boys and the this this roshiva his uh children he was not successful with his children and the brisker have told him there are no tacboola is there no eighth size there no there's no advice other than tahilam and tears he would say that many parents when they rock their children to sleep so they sing lullabies and they sing about children rolling down hills and have their head decapitated which is a short recipe to have your kid wake up in the middle of the night with a nightmare and he would uh he would say to hillam that the child should come out to be raised in fact ibraskarav said never in his life did he dive in one dry-eyed sheminah esray he cried in every single sheman esre for his children and i think we've said over many times a story that somebody once came to the stipeler for advice and the sniper says advice all there is is to heal him you see my little boy hayamo every day i died for kayamo to be god-fearing and kaimo was already 52 years old one of the goddard doesn't seem to okay that in the partnership too it's not not uh giving the parents responsibility do all they can and they have to bring him to the den so again there's no punishment uh they adam but it sounds like bidet shamayim there is a punishment because um in other words there happens to be a syrah between ben sarah umara where person's ishmael was judged the way he is then so there's a there's a concept that there is a certain liability so i was thinking about the following question is there any way that somebody could do tsuva for improper genoch that they gave now there might be situations where somebody's annoying us let's say somebody didn't know you know let's say uh somebody came to judaism later on in life or so for whatever the situation you know is a could a person be potter could a person be an ins or let's say a person was wrong i'm sure everybody looks back at how they raise their children and everybody i'm sure has some degree of feeling of where they could have done better or where they could have put in more time or where they could have dab and better certainly this in a way it's a very painful subject but is it possible to do chuva so literally five minutes ago i remembered that in the end of uh the has a question is it possible to to to do chuba from any sin he says in the absolute last can you do chuba from any sin so he says if it's like him being adam so then you could do chuba but binodal it's very hard to do chuva let's say you stole from someone or you insulted someone you might not even know who they are you might not they may not be alive how are you supposed to pay them back somebody the chavez lived with an erva and produced a mamzar now you know how you're supposed to do chuva for that so in a way this is very much like that case somebody did something and now now their repercussion is a foregone conclusion however in paraguay concludes that there is no such thing as doing something in this world that's irreparable because he says if there is ever an impediment that prevents someone from doing shiva hamaniahirak paneemi you say the only thing that ever holds a person back from doing chuva is themself is their inside the liba hamas their corrupt heart but anyone who wants to come close to hashem the gates of chuva are never lacked nothing could prevent you and hashem because will show you how to do chuva and will give you opportunities to repair anything what if somebody lived with an irv and had a mamzar says it's possible to correct that i'm not going to say what he says here but it's not the time or the place but extrapolating based on what he said if a person was remiss so you ha it has to be that you could do chuva otherwise uh this rule would not be consistent there it has to be that if a person had a false so that means if let's say a person didn't know they have to dominate for their children didn't have enough they can do chuva like for any sin and then three bansham will see that the person is making every possible effort and uh ibanezham has ways of correcting it maybe the roshan will help their child turn around and that kind of thing in other words in short is it possible to do chuva from improper and the answer is it has to be yes that's what says nothing in this world is beyond repair and i think that's what we should take out of this um in learning in general we never learn to make ourselves feel guilty guilty is always the eights of the eight sahara so you say what do you mean kharata is part of doing shiva so how do you know the difference between kharata and guilt the answer is if it inspires you to come closer to hashem and to do more than it's if it's debilitating and depressing then it's guilt there's no mitzvah in the torah to have guilt nor does the ubuntu someone want us to but what we're learning is that it's very important for a person now that we know to be as vigilant as possible and to really be devoted both uh as to oversee one's children and to be aware of what where once children are holding and a person didn't realize that then a person could do chuva and it's never too late to daven if the steipler was dominating for abraham canaversity when he's 52 years old and there's a story where even when he was older so in and uh if certainly if we do our utmost imbalance has many to uh to help us achieve the results that we hope for okay so the the gross says again uh this mostly safer is very different than taiwa devara it's i guess you know in a sense much more strict in terms of personal behavior he says the main thing is heaven forbid to let your daughter leave the house ever now uh i don't think this is gonna fly in 2020 somehow i have a hunch that this one's not going to go over so obviously you know it it has to be luffy madre gossam and lefi hadar but the one thing uh the point of the gra is that you know a parent could do everything in their power but then they go out onto the street and they learn the values out there so you know you could say i'm a great mechanic but if if you allow the kid the the improper influences then uh you can't really control so at the very least a person has to know who your children's friends are what are they watching what are they looking i'm a great mechanic but i allow the kid on the internet without any supervision so you know lots of luck there you know i'm a great i'm a great parent but the kid could close his door and watch anything on television at any time so you know what do you expect so uh that that's the upshot over here the grass says tell the tell our daughters they need to honor you ulaimi and my mother their grandmother mayhem and they need to honor anybody older than them goldberg points out that it is that one should show respect to anybody older than them the game commercial calls the best free monster account whatever they see in the suffrage they can they should fulfill okay rabbi say we'll continue next product tomorrow 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