Identify and Release Emotions (Part 2) Class # 11

okay so welcome everyone to the fundamentals to gain in a piece session number 11. and tonight we're going to be talking about identifying and releasing emotions which we've discussed last week we're going to continue tonight and for those who are new you can listen to the recordings available on menachembernfield.com on the top left you should find the recording over there so basically before we start let's become mindful you ask yourself the question where am i so you become aware of your physical environment where you are and then you look inside to see how you feel and this is what we're going to be talking tonight to identify and then hopefully to be able to release at the end we'll do a releasing technique to be able to release some emotions even though you might think why do we need to release it once you become aware of it that's all we need and that's true we'll discuss it soon i do want to thank you all for the feedback and it's very nice to see that once you implement these ideas you see some you see results which is amazing some are using the havening technique which we discussed tonight will be another technique pretty similar but they're very powerful so if you actually do the techniques you do see results so to be able to identify let's just a second here we go so let's take a minute and before we answer these questions to really get in touch so number one is how are you feeling right now probably right now you're probably hopefully relaxed but to see what's going on in your day and how you're feeling take a few seconds to answer that if you want if you can put it in the chat and it only goes to me so you can put in whatever you whatever comes to your mind those answers very good so some of you feel fine great okay or not so great so that's pretty you know pretty vague and not so clear of what we're feeling so let's take it to the next question are you aware of which emotions have you felt in the past few days if you can come up with some emotions that you felt today or the past few days you could take a moment to answer this question you can put it in the chat again if you're a beginner it could be you're not aware of the emotions which which is why we're here tonight but if you are just to become aware of what's going on in your day of how you feel and what emotions come up so we discussed last week there are three ways what people do when they experience negative emotions number one is they act out and everybody around them feels it and based on how they feel and what's going on that's how they resent themselves whether it's anger or upsets but you could see it then you have the other extreme is to suppress like we said ask me how i am i'll say goodbye hashem but that's about it so uh again you don't have to share with everyone but if you think to yourself am i aware of what's going on how do i feel or every day is the same i do what i have to do i'm fine i'm good you can even say you know uh i'm grateful and it's and and if you say that every day then it's it's you have to ask yourself is that true or it's just saying you know let me just keep on going just let me keep on going because i don't want to become aware i don't want to feel those feelings so that's suppressing but what we're looking for is something in between we want to regulate our emotions we want to become aware of the emotions so we discussed last week of how to become aware just becoming aware of the emotions is step number one awareness is always the first thing to see when i'm gonna up when i'm gonna down where i do like to go where i don't like to go even very something very simple i remember i used to go uh in the store shopping my wife's to give me a shopping list so i used to buy everything she needed well isn't that amazing but once i got into this all of these uh research and these ideas i would stop and say wait a second maybe there's something i want to buy for myself or i can buy it for my wife so that's like wait that's a new thing for myself i don't know whatever there is i'll eat whatever my wife cooks i'll eat but no you can buy yourself a little bit of self-care go get yourself little chocolates again it doesn't have to be every day but just becoming aware of that instead of going from the robotic um just doing and doing and keeping on doing you stop for a moment and say wait a second could i breathe take it easy so we want to become aware and then regulate now regulate we're going to see tonight is really giving attention to the emotion you think if i don't look at it i'll feel better why should i look at it the negative emotion why should i feel it i don't want to feel it let me just pretend that everything is fine but what we really need to do is put attention to the emotion by doing that it becomes fluid it becomes you can breathe in you can let it in so that you can let it out but if not what happens is it becomes stuck if you suppress the emotion it's not like it's not there it's there stuck somewhere and eventually it comes out in different places and we mentioned these ideas of it really has an effect on your immune system physically and emotionally because it's all connected just your happiness and your health are all dependent on how you and how you accept the things that are going on do you put it away and lock it up which is not healthy that's suppressing or do i let it in so that i can regulate and let it out like waves and even though when it's on the peak we think it's staying there we don't like the way it feels but believe me it's not going to stay there so just feel it and breathe and let it out so that's what we're looking for to be able to regulate so for beginners as starters if you can see what's going on and put it into one of this basic categories whether it's happiness sadness what feeling comes up is it fear disgust anger and surprise these are very basic there are much more and but first for the beginning just to become aware just to see what's going on put it somewhere this won't tell you much but it's a beginner eventually what we want to do is take it a little bit to the next level because if you say that you feel sad it's good for a beginner but it's not really telling anybody or yourself what's really going on if you if you find one of the things under sad or any of these of the list of happy hurt you can feel hurt sometimes but you're not aware of why if you were rejected so you know because if you feel rejection so if you're not aware of that rejection you'll feel hurt you'll feel down you'll feel sad but know what happened it's rejection the truth is you don't always have to know exactly what's going on but this helps so that your vocabulary of emotional vocabulary you build on it so that when things happen you can say oh i understand it this is what's going on and be there and just breathe so you let it let it sit so that you can let it go so before we continue to be able to identify like we started how do you feel what's going on in your day can you find something that's making you feel either sad happy energized confidence whatever feeling and then see which one of it what's the reason that you feel that way another way another thing you can do to part of identifying the emotions is to first of all become aware of where in your body do you feel it so i i personally feel usually in my stomach some people feel it in their shoulders you can feel it in your head in your hands and your feet you want to become aware where in your body do you feel that restriction that that negativity holding back so once you become aware you can even give it a shape now it doesn't have to be perfect you'll say it doesn't have a shape true but it's all in your mind we want to be able to um be able to point to it put it on the table so once you become aware of where it hurts uh where you feel it doesn't have to be hurt but that constriction you give it a shape it could be square could be round rectangle it could be long pointy and then give it a color what color would you give it is it reds for rage or is it just a little bit bluish for being feeling down or whatever color you want to give it what you want to give it whatever it comes to your mind so it has a shape a color and then how does it feel some people can feel velvety or it feels with spikes or smooth or it's just bumpy whatever feeling you can do if you can uh do this while you're going through something and you feel those emotions by the time you get to this place you'll probably feel like it's slowly melting away so instead of running away from it and saying i don't want to feel this negative feelings and then what happens it gets stuck somewhere in your body we want to identify give it a name and they say feel it to heal it so that you can feel in your body give it a shape a color and a feeling even though you it might be funny but just imagine and try to put it into something and eventually it will go so the million-dollar question is okay so now that i have identified the feeling and i've done what you said um what am i going to do now and that's really the question that most people have especially if you're living in the society of we live in a society that we need to figure things out how to take care of it of finding solutions okay so now give me the solution let me figure this out but here i am to tell you we're just going to be mindful that's it just by being mindful of the emotion that itself can be releasing that itself eventually if you're mindful you'll let it flow just like the waves it comes in and it goes out it comes in and it goes out don't interrupt the process don't try to run away from it don't try to suppress it because then all the negativity it's going to stay in you but if you let it go just like the waves you're you're aware of it you see it you feel it you put it on the table and you can touch it eventually it can melt away so that's that's the truth before we even continue there are a lot of techniques and we discussed last week which i'll share in a minute there are techniques of releasing but just by understanding how being mindful is really really the answer that we need so when the negative emotion comes up we feel that wait a second i feel this negative emotion i have to figure this out i have to take care of it because if not something is wrong with me or how can i continue we're really connecting ourselves with the emotion but if we can disconnect there's something going on it's probably a thought that we still have to talk a lot about quieting the mind it's probably a thought in our mind which is okay and it makes us feel a certain way but that doesn't mean that that's you you're okay and you're enough and you're good as is you don't need to please others you don't need to do anything different you're in a good place and that's really what we want to become aware of take a deep breath and give yourself that pat in the back and with the self-care and the self-love understand that i am who i am and i don't need to change when this negative emotion comes up the feeling could be maybe they're not happy with what i'm doing i need to please i need to take care of other people all of these needs so and if i don't do it i feel guilty and if i feel guilty something's wrong with me but we want to detach that you are fine the feeling is the thoughts become aware of it and keep on breathing just by being mindful then it can you can let it go this is a great question when you feel positive you feel joyful do you ever ask yourself so what should i do now about it nothing just experience it feel it but that's the same thing you need to do with our negative feelings the problem is i don't want to feel negative emotions positive i'm ready but negatives i don't want to feel but it's the same thing these are just emotions let them come and let them go the same way you let yourself feel and experience the positives you do the same thing with the negatives because like we mentioned before a different time if you're not going to want to feel your negatives you're not going to feel the positives but what we want is to feel for many reasons just so that we can enjoy life and for our health for our immune system so that we don't shut down so we don't feel all this physical pain which a lot of people have seen real results by learning these these things being able to release to be identified to become aware of what's going on in their life and then letting go again it could take time because we're holding on to it for a reason whatever it is whether we feel it's us after all these years so you can just tell me to let it go a lot of people um they they ask me if all of these emotions are not me and i let everything go they start feeling a little bit bored and i say that's beautiful that's beautiful because that's the reason why you're holding on to everything that's the whole your whole story that's that's going on because that's keeping you going and you're busy and you're taking care because because but if i let that go then who am i what am i doing and then you become aware of wait a second you're nuts all of that you are who you are without that and just relax and experience so what we did mention last week with these ideas because we do want to do something after that being mindful you want to be able to release yes by screaming you could be in a pillow or in a car wherever it works you let it out writing in a journal you can write what you feel it could be easier for people the deep breathing helps just to let it in let it out but this is all after you identify what's going on in and out so you can relax after you feel these negatives and let it go the havening technique is very powerful um we mentioned shaking your hands and feet so you take like one hand at a time just shake it out whichever way it feels comfortable you can do it hearts you can do it light whatever feels it's basically getting your body to move instead of feeling locked up just let it let it flow let it out sometimes it brings people to cry and that could be okay if it's not too long and again if you feel if you feel you want to release you can keep on crying as long as it takes lock yourself up in the room let it all out there's a lot going on for those who are not aware and this is only this is something new to them and then talking to a friend we mentioned and i just i want to add that little words over there the intention should be to release because just venting is not always the best thing sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't but you want to say you want to tell your good friend you know if you have a moment please listen to me i need to release what's going on so you're basically going through the story something that happened and this is how it made you feel and they're they're a good friend like we mentioned they're not going to tell you anything only listen listening skills just listen you can make some noises say oh wow how do you manage tell me more all of that don't tell them any ideas because that's not what they're looking for but basically talking to your friend about it and after that usually you feel a little bit lighter another way how to release today and tonight we will do another technique which is called eft emotional freedom tapping or technique which is very similar to the havening technique and whichever works better whichever you're more comfortable what we're going to do tonight the tapping part and again these techniques are very very powerful i could i could say it over and over but the truth is just you have to be able to have to do it to feel the results now i know it's a challenge for many to start implementing these things in their day if they haven't done it before but slowly and usually people do this when they really need it but for every day i'm okay i'll manage i'm good why do i have to do this but but it does make a difference like we're discussing over here you can manage we're all managing no i don't know about you but we're busy and we're doing everything we need to do which is amazing but you want we're looking for something we have to come back to that what we how we started this whole these uh wednesday night sessions there's something that we're looking for and by being in fight and flight modes it's not where we're gonna find it we have to be able to relax come down come down the ladder calm down the body and be able to sit with yourself and enjoy your company and be aware of all these emotions that come up and let them in to let them out so these techniques help and they they change also their subconscious which is really what's really driving everything that's really that's really who is in the driver's seat so we need to talk to our subconscious and these are the ways how to do it just by following so um let me before we start the tapping works you're tapping around your face and your body it doesn't have to be perfect whichever way you do it is fine um i'll just tell you the points that it's called the meridian points where you let um we let the emotions release where sometimes can get stuck you don't have to understand it but this is how how it feels one of the places on top of your head um on top of your eye eyebrow side of the eye under your eye under your nose under your mouth collarbone and then under your arms this is basically what we're going to do we're going to do three rounds and you'll follow me that's all you have to do so we're going to do this without music so take a deep breath starting off we start off with the karate point with the side of your hands so what we do is we tap on the side of our hands and this is what we say you can follow me even though i don't allow myself to feel my feelings i deeply and completely accept myself anyways even though when i feel i feel ashamed and guilty and that just makes me feel worse i deeply and completely accept myself one more time on the side of the hands even though i believe there is something wrong with how i'm feeling and maybe something wrong with me i accept that that is how i feel right now and that is okay to feel this way now we're gonna start on top of our heads allowing my feelings just tap on top of your heads top of your eye i can't allow them they're too painful and horrible side of the eye my feelings are bad under the eye but i still feel them under the nose even more strongly under your mouth it's wrong to feel this way the collar bone i'm wrong under your arm what do i do let's go back to the top of her head i'm stuck again maybe i can just feel eyebrows maybe i can just feel side of the eye and breathe under your eye and feel whatever it is under the nose there is the guilt it's okay it's okay to feel collarbone now the shame i feel the shame on their arm that's okay too top of your head i can feel it eyebrows it won't kill me side of the eyes just breathe into it under your eye i'm okay under your nose i can feel this under your mouth i am feeling this collarbone i can give myself permission to feel on the aram it is safe to feel all of this now take a deep breath and see where you are and how you feel this can be done many times obviously for beginners it should be done more times so that it can have the effect the first time you're more in your mind saying what in the world am i doing but eventually doing it over a few times you can let go of your logic and it goes into your body to feel it and this is a technique tapping which helps for any emotion what we did tonight is just to be able to allow ourselves to feel and that's what we're working on just to identify and to be able to release just to allow and many people have a hard time allowing themselves to feel by doing this tapping you'll slowly allow yourself to feel when emotions come up while you tap which happens you can write them down and afterwards or a different time you can tap on that emotion let's say you have anger so i know it's not easy you're not gonna know what to say but basically what it is you start off with the negative you say this is what i feel i hate it i don't want to feel this and you just tap i can't continue this is ruining me all the negativity and then in middle you say maybe you start going into shifting slowly into positive maybe i can do this maybe i can just let it go maybe i can just feel it and eventually you come to a place where you feel empowered you say you know what whatever happened that that's not with me it's that person or whatever it is and then you feel you let it out you let it go with the tapping we will limit shin do much more on this question is when next week is chanukah vacation you can always listen to the recordings if you want or just take wednesday nights go into a room quiet and just sit there you can imagine i'm talking let's see what comes up your feelings and everything we discussed so i want to thank you all for coming tonight for doing the work for yourself and for the people around you