I'm ADHD How 3 Words from the Torah Changed My Life | Rabbi Simcha Naftali Klagsbrun

Good evening everybody. My name is Clark and Fryheight. Fry height and English is freedom. And that's what I'm here for. I'm here to introduce myself with something new, unprecedented before, unparalleled in the world of emotional health and healing and trauma and guidance and growth and success and whatnot. I was born and raised in Monroe, New York, Kirius Oil, where I reside now. And at the age of 18, I married a wonderful woman in Australia. And I lived in Australia for the past 18 years. And my life journey was interesting. I had no knowledge in English where I grew up in Australia. I went out to work and I had to make it or break it. And I decided to break it in order to make it. And that's what I did. I was a successful businessman with many employees. And after 18 years, the entire family moved overseas. and the wife decided that it's time to move back. And that's what we did. And today I reside happily in New York, upstate New York. And I'm here today to share with you something very special and very deep that has a potential to change your life, the life of your children, your loved ones, your husband, wives, parents, young, old, men, women, business people. As I said, I was born and raised in Kiryaso, a very small town in upstate New York where there's only Jews and it's a very interesting very interesting lifestyle and it's very sheltered community. So sheltered from the outside there is no TV as such you know on Shabas there is uh absolutely no vehicles and no cars driving so the children can play in the streets freely and it's a nice safe community to be in. When I grew up it's not something at school that we were taught about social skills or behavior skills to how to get along with some people or other people. It's something that you're expected to just pick up. I was diagnosed as a person with ADHD. I don't know what it is. I just live it. And today I teach about it. But that's not what this course is all about. This is part of it which I'm doing too today that I'm coaching people and I'm helping people with their lives. Because emotional guidance is not made just for those who suffer. Emotional guidance and coaching is made for those who want to want to succeed and thrive for success and thrive for growth. Either men or women alike regardless of age. Some people go and learn business, some people go and learn finance. And some people want to learn how to feel good with themselves. Money is only bringing you something. And that something that people hope that it will bring is pride. But that pride isn't enough for them. And that's why you see a lot of millionaires or even celebrities unfortunately that have a miserable life. And some of them end their life tragically because they can't handle their emotions. They don't know what is going on with them. I don't believe today there are bad people. I don't believe so. Today there are people who are heartbroken. They just don't know. There is a lack of knowledge, information what is going on. There is so much therapy going on in the outside which I don't believe in that it's meant for everyone and I don't believe in that type of therapy that takes forever without any results. I'm coming to you today with something unmatched, something new, unseen. This is a new program which I will teach the world the wisdom of the Torah, the wisdom of Schlim, King Solomon that is known to be the wisest person that ever lived. And he understood the human body, the human emotions, the lens, how we look and see the world. And but the basher God is going to be a big portion of this and what I know and see and feel and anticipate that I can help the world grow and take it to the next level. There is so much pain going on outside. There is pain and suffering more than it used to be before in the previous generations. Today there are people who have more wealth than we had ever before. The wealth that we possess today is more than it's ever been. Yet emotional pain, mental health is declining. The mental health crisis is increasing. What is going on? Have you ever thought and wondered what is going on? If everybody has so much good and so much wealth and we live in a western society that gives us so much freedom, what is going on with us? Why are people unhappy? And they genuinely unhappy. It's I don't believe it's going to help to tell somebody just be happy and look at the good. Look at the glass which is half full instead of focusing of the glass which is half empty. I'm here today to tell you deep knowledge. This course is for the D people. Those people who feel when they come into a group of people, they feel lonely. They feel misunderstood. They feel different. They feel humiliated. They don't feel good. The rate of divorce is up. I think it's unprecedented with these numbers that I've seen. Although in our culture, in our society, the rate is much far less. That's because there is so much humiliation around it which I actually think is a good idea because that helps you to work upon yourself and to work on the marriage but still it's painful when kids are involved and all of a sudden kids are used as a tool against each other and all of a sudden the child has to be a judge that's pain and I don't think the parents want to do and I don't think they want to cause the pain when I speak to people today in private or in sessions. I haven't found a bad person yet. I do see a lot of pain and a lot of heartbroken people. People lacking guidance. And the majority of therapy out there is mainly on practical. The majority of the therapy provided is focused on practical. And I'm not here today to talk to you practical. I'm here to talk to you and give you some wisdom of the Torah mitem. Much deeper than that. The practical side, it will be done by yourself based on those things. When I grew up, I had no friends. People disagree. They think that I was popular and I had a lot of friends. But I'm telling you the truth. I had nothing. I was heartbroken. I was shattered to pieces. I felt humiliated. I didn't know how to speak to people. I was bullied in school for quite a number of years and the teacher had to beg other kids and students to learn with me. I saw that. I felt it and I knew there has to be something that I am doing wrong. There has to be something that I can do better to be liked. It was so painful. It was hard. It was heartbreaking when I saw other kids that were popular in school. They had friends. They had a way to talk and speak to people. I didn't know then what can I do? What should I do? I want to be liked. I don't want to hurt people. I don't want people to hate me. I want to be liked. The Gamura says, it means either you have friends or you rather wish to die. And I'm sure a lot of people out there understand that today. If you're being bullied on social media, etc., such, and you don't have friends or if your husband isn't loving you, if your wife isn't loving you and you have no connection, you feel probably the same. Rasha says, "A person that doesn't have people that love him, he wishes the death. It's a death penalty." That's exactly what I felt. I remember rolling once on the floor with tears. The pain was so great. I was begging Hashem to take my nishuma away and not to bring it back anymore. neck the next morning. I couldn't bear the pain. Nobody knew what I'm going through because that's personal. That's in me. I was a master and putting up a face every morning that I'm strong. But I wasn't because I was lacking guidance. I didn't know what to do. What should I do? All I wanted to know is what to do. I don't think I needed the therapy. I remember when I was older, I lived in Australia and I went to therapy then. I remember the I was sitting in front of a female therapist together with my wife and it was more than one over time and I could see the venom sometimes coming out of their eyes. I was annoying them and I didn't know why. I could feel the hate that people had to me and I didn't know why. I felt isolated and lonely. And this therapist looked at me and said, "Why did he do that?" And to be honest, I didn't know. I didn't know what should I do. I just needed a guidance. I didn't need therapy. I needed a guidance. I didn't know what to do. I had a successful business, thanks God. And I changed I kept on changing workers faster than you change anything else. And I didn't know what am I doing wrong. I knew that I'm doing something that other people don't have this issue. When people judge or guide today, I know I'm not judging anyone because you don't know what this person doesn't know. He may be looking successful on the outside. He doesn't know. There is a lot to learn about the emotional system, the way we think, the way we do things. And I'd like to dive in with you because this program that I made is, as I said, unmatched. It's something new to the world. This will erode years of therapy and the way trauma is dealt with. I'm diving into the depth of the Torah and everything is here. There is no way that one can argue or show clearly physically that one way is correct more than the other. Because a therapy was built on theories. Theories of previous psychologists or very smart people who even at the time when they were alive was not very popular. It took years until it was picked up. Still, it's a theory. And life is too short. I don't have the time to try and force myself on theories. If I'm forcing myself into a way that's going to help me, I want to have something which is not a theory. Do you agree? I have a saying, life is too short. Let's make it complicated so it just feels a bit longer. But the truth is the other way around. Life is too short and I don't have time to try theories. I've got emotional pain. I want to be loved. I want to be liked. I want to have friends. I want people to enjoy me and I want to enjoy myself and I want to be emotional healthy and stand on my own legs. There is a lot of wisdom out there. Am I against therapists? No, not at all. Am I against what they teach? No. Because there is a lot of wisdom in everybody. Every therapist, every coach has a lot of wisdom because it is working for somebody. And the fact that he chose his path being a therapist or a coach or a guide is a sign that he has a wealth of knowledge. Still, I could see that therapy when you take it when you take out the core and the essence of it, it's a very short. It's very small. I'll give you an example. IFS is one of the most popular therapy methods at the moment in the world. And the concept of IFS, just the concept, you can actually learn within an hour. But to implement it takes a lifetime. Who has that lifetime? I've spoken to many people that went through a lot of therapy and I don't see them being better. I'm not saying that it doesn't work for everyone, that it does not work for everybody. But still, if I have to choose something, I just needed a guidance. And the best guidance is instead of having somebody with a theory which is unsure himself whether it's 100% that way and if it is 100% sure say he is 100% sure how can I know that it's for every every aspect and every scenario in life. So how much time would I have to train myself for every scenario now? Should I just live by my feelings? This is who I am. And I know that's a big portion of it to acknowledge feelings. Is this who I am? Am I going to use my brain or my feelings? What's leading me? There was a lot of questions that I had and I have spent on therapy combined. I would say between 70 to $80,000 on therapy. And I was exactly what I was before. Exactly. I went to very big therapists. They charged a lot of money and I didn't get anywhere. My life was not better a year after than it was before. Maybe maybe I was a bit softer because I spoke about my feelings, but I needed it deeper than that. I needed a guidance, a real guidance. Every every Jewish person is a rabbi because we learn all day. We have to learn every day to something which we cannot forego. And I do have to prove myself obviously because I don't have a license. So if I'm coaching people then it needs to be solid. And that actually accelerated at me much faster than licensed therapists because I had to prove myself that when I'm talking to people really makes a difference and I'm selling something solid. I know there's a lot of parents out there who's going to be watching this first session and I want to tell you firstly I congratulate your effort. I know today this day and age parents go like chickens not knowing what to do, how to contain their children, how to deal with their husbands. The life is that her life is falling apart, his life is falling apart. They don't know what's going on. They try this, they try that, and there is so much pain going on in a marriage. Um, even if you think that it's amazing and you have it under your grip, I'm here to tell you a secret. Life is about to change for you in a way that you haven't thought and anticipated before. with these 12 core values that I'm teaching people. The 12 core values of who I am today changed me in a way that I haven't thought that I'll be liked, loved, admired, cherished. I'm feeling good, emotionally stable, and healthy. I'm strong, empowered. I don't have to hide who I am. I'm just comfortable who I am without hurting anybody, without having to exert any power or any pressure on anybody. People act to me in a way that I haven't thought that they will. Yes, I am a different person. I think different to other people. And if you come into a room of people and you feel different, I guarantee you, you probably are different. If you feel different to other people, you probably are different because him, him, him, him him, all these people here, they don't feel different to others. They feel comfortable walking into a wedding and having fun. They feel comfortable walking into a sha mitzvah or a party or a shiel or c congregate with people and they feel comfortable with themselves. So if you feel different, you are different and it's nothing wrong. It's okay. But I I feel empowered. I feel good with myself. I'm not embarrassed. I came out stronger than ever. And not because of therapy. Although I read almost every book on therapy and I still continue to read because I learned from everybody. Every client I had and I have I learned something. I probably learned from them much deeper, much more than they even know because I take out from everybody that everybody has so much good. Again, I haven't found or met a person who is bad. Even though she or he is fighting with a spouse or husband or wife, I haven't seen them as being bad. When I go into them, they're good, kind people. There is just information that's missing. This world is all about information. Sometimes you have too much information and you need less. Sometimes you have too little information and you need more. Sometimes you need information on certain aspects of life that you don't even know exists. You don't even know exists. And all of a sudden, once you find out certain pieces of information, life changes in a way that you haven't anticipated that it's even possible. All of a sudden, you become magnetic. People enjoy you. All of a sudden, you become calm. You become powerful. You become charming. All of a sudden, you feel comfortable to be different. You feel comfortable to speak when you want to speak rather than speaking under pressure. It just becomes a different life. It's comfortable. There are so many people who have today anxiety, stress, OCD, even bipolar. My heart goes out for them because they're being thrown into an endless cycle of therapy with no end in sight. Do I believe in therapy? I believe in the core values of therapy that it's definitely very smart and it helps people. But the problem with therapy is that you're being thrown into an endless cycle of years and years and years without an sight, without an end in sight. People who are on drugs, unfortunately, people who are become who are alcoholics, they become addicts. That's emotional numbness. They numbing deep emotional pain, emotional trauma which they don't know how to handle. And I've worked with them and just by giving information their lives become better. So they can go then and heal themselves to get off the drugs or alcohol. But there is a reason why they went on to it in the first place. And if this emotional pain, this information will be missing. They will fall back again because they need something in their lives. Something is bothering them. Not because they want to be bad. Not at all. A person with ADHD is very kind. They have a certain aspect or area in the brain which is behavior, the behavior section and the social section is undeveloped. It's underdeveloped. And I was struggling with that badly. The pain that I had when I was chosen not to be invited to a certain party is still fresh in me. It's only a few years ago. I was lying in bed crying. the tea is dripping being the only one not invited to a gathering to a party because they knew that if I come it's not going to be comfortable to be around there. Would you like to be that person knowingly that you were deliberately chosen not to be invited? Would you like that for yourself? Neither did I. It was very painful. I knew then this is after I spent $80,000 on therapy. I'm still uninvited. I'm still back to square one. Is this what life has to offer? I don't believe so. Neither do you. You're smarter than that. Life is much easier when you have the right affirmation and guidance. And that's why I'm here today. I would like to invite you to join my program. Today, I'm going to give you the first session. And I'm only going to touch the tip of the iceberg because there is so much to talk. Wisdom, wealth of knowledge. And the way I think is very deep. I'm not going to be giving you much of practical advice. It's going to be much deeper than that. It's going to be pillars, foundations of the new you. Another possible you, just the new you. When a bully bullies somebody, he's not doing it out of bed. When a person goes to a gathering, when a person goes to a wedding, when a person goes to an invite, when a person goes out to someone for dinner, hangs out with friends, what is under all that? What's underneath? Why are you going out? When you go out to a pack with the kids, when children play, what is it that they want? Hashem, I'll be recording the full 12 core values which I'll be selling on my website, the Fry Had course, and I would love to work with you in person, one-on-one, cuz every person is different. And let me start, let me start. This is a human brain. complex, amazing, interesting, entertaining. Are you ready to start? I'm ready to start. I'm excited actually because I don't think you know what's about to happen to you. I don't think you realize the impact that this is going to make on your life. I don't think you know the impact how life can be just with knowledge just with information. I don't think that it's even something that you ever thought because it changed my life a part which I was shocked, excited and still today. That's because it became part of me. It became a core value. Not because I want to trick someone. Not because I'm using it as a tool. Just because it became part of me who I am. No more the old sim. History gone. It's the new core value. Simka. I want to tell you this journey for me was very difficult. But I believe that the duty of any person in this universe is to make the world a better place. And if you make the world a better place, it can be with anything. Um, whatever you do, if you work as a taxi driver, you're making the world a better place. You're helping somebody get from point A to point B. And that's should be very respected. If you are a receptionist, if you are a mom, you make the world a better place. That's why people who don't have a job, even though they have wealth, they feel empty and dry within. People who can have a lot of money, but if they don't work, they don't make the world a better place, they feel empty, dry. They don't feel good. They don't feel good. Hashem said to Adam and Eve when he sent them out from Ganiden, go out work means to work and to guard it. You should guard you should guard Giden whatever you do. It's basically in other words is he asked them to make the world a better place. Why didn't God create everything just like air and water which doesn't need any work? That's what's something which we don't understand. We will never know God's ways and the reasons behind it. But uh had to do 10 things before he had bread. And that's the way Hashem wants it. You can only feel happy if you work. Real satisfaction comes when you make the world a better place. You can help your daughter, you can help your sister, you can do something. You can babysit anything to help to make the world a better place. Obviously, you'll see all the entrepreneurs that made the world a better place. They succeeded it because they made the world a better place with something small. You can say Amazon came up with something that they do quick delivery and cheapest prices. You can say Apple came up with something new and value. Everybody that came up with something new to make the world a better place succeeded it. Maybe takes some time but they will succeed. And that's why I decided when I moved here to New York that I don't want to do business again just competing against other people fighting on price. I want to do something more that's going to make the world a better place. And I'm thankful to Hashem that so far even I just started my journey. I helped so many people. I can say countless of families that they were on the brink of divorce, the brink of collapse, I was the mashem to help them out. People who struggled anxiety, OCD with bipolar, I was the one helping them with the side of guiding them and coaching them and giving them an insight just to understand what's going on. And it's a very interesting way because I'm calling it freedom obviously because the destination is freedom but also the way I go about it is just to open up the emotional system to make it simple speak with clarity. Are you ready to dive in to something new? So I asked you guys a question which I'm going to come back to. Um, I didn't forget the question is a very important question. Why are you going to a wedding? Why are you going out to restaurants? Why are you going out to congregate and speak with people? Why? Why are you going out to rides? Why are you going out to Why are you guys going to movies? Why do you Why do you go out and have dinner? Obviously, you can say it's a silly question because you want to have fun. But I don't think that's what it is. It's a bit deeper than that. Why do you want to go between friends? Let me ask you a question. Imagine if you come between a group of friends and before you arrive, you hear them talk very quietly. Here comes Caim. Ah, we can't be bothered to him. We can't be bothered to him. He's just such a neb. We just have to be nice to him, you know. Yeah. Yeah. How do you How do you think Kim and And you're Kim, obviously. How do you feel? Would you want to go out to dinner with these guys? Do you want to go out with them? Do you want to hang out with them? Let's say you want to go to rides, um, amusement parks, and you you while you arrive to your friends, they speak between themselves, you hear them say that here comes here comes uh whatever moshi and we can't be bothered to him. Would you still go? I don't think so. I don't think he would. Why? You're still going to have the same amount of fun, right? What is it? The answer is that there is one thing that unites us all in this world. And this is going to be the point number one. And before I'm going to tell you what it is that that unites us everybody, that thing is one line. Are you ready to listen? Every person in this universe wants to feel good. Every person in this universe wants one thing. Just one. Just one. That's it. Go O D. They want to feel good. If you're going to be the one giving it to them, they will enjoy you. If you're not going to be the one giving it to them, they will find somebody else or they will rather be on their own. They want to feel good. When you go out to dinner with someone, that person is going out only for one reason. He's not going out for the food because for the food alone, he can eat at home. Thank you very much. He's going out just because he wants to feel good. That's pretty superficial. Says everything is superficial. You don't need to go very deep. And that's what psychology is all about. And right before I'm going to dive in and tell you the first session, what I took out, what really changed my life, I want to start and tell you about a very important thing in the human brain and how human work. Have you ever heard of a seven layer cake? I'm going to divide the human brain into five. It's going to go like this. Vertical. The first thing that the human who we are is called I'll say it first in koesh and then I'll say it in English. The first is called hashka. Hashka in English means lens the world view. I always wondered and I saw a lot of people who are very magnetic people like them and I believe that they are not working as hard on their core values that I do. So why is it that they react to people in a certain way and I react differently? It was always bugging my mind because I was thinking if I managed to look at people the way they do, my job will be far easier. Why do I get so angry when someone does something to me or tells me and that the other person can hear the same thing and he doesn't get angry? It's not about emotional. No, obviously it is emotion but I believe there is something deeper. So the first thing the first piece of the of the five layer cake is called lens. The way you view people, the way you look at things, there is five of those. There is five core lenses. the way people view this world. Just the knowledge of these five can save marriages, can save pain, suffering, humiliation, heartache, um friendship, partnership, because you want to become a friend with someone who has the same lens as you. And once you're going to learn these five lenses, it's going to be much easier for you to find friends. You'll understand why you're being so triggered in time when other people aren't so triggered from the same thing. So the first thing the first piece of the the five layer cake is called lens or in the shooish is called hashka. I want to become friends with someone who has the same ashka as me. Right? I'm not going to become friends with someone who has a different ashka altogether. Although there may be some parts is a different ashka but overall I'd like to become a friend that somebody who has a similar ashka to me. And this obviously can be broken down in a lot of pieces because there's much more value, much more lenses to look. So it becomes smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller. And the more lenses that you have this equal, you become friends with that person. That's why you become very close with someone because he has the lens matches. So the first thing is called lens. You ready for the second? The second is called adh in English means the core values who you are. For an example, I'll never go in to a grocery and steal a bottle of milk even though nobody is going to know and nobody's going to see it ever because it's my core value because the Toyota says loy sign. So I'm never going to do it. You give me money just to go to steal something, I'll never do it. Even nobody's going to look. And that's why a Jewish place is probably one of the most safest places because there is no theft between Jews because the says you shouldn't steal. The same thing applies emotionally. Some people have core values who they are. Let's say the truth. Obviously stealing, not stealing is a core value. There's a there's a differentiation between a core value and your nature. A nature is something that you are naturally drawn to do. That means the nature is I like to talk. I'm an extrovert. But if I'm not allowed to talk certain things, let's say gossip, my core value is that I will go against my nature and I will not speak gossip. This is called a core value. The third one, you ready? Is called reish. Reges is feelings and emotions. The fourth one is called Makov is thoughts. Now the last one, the fifth. The fifth is called his nahagus. His nahagus means behavior. This is the five layer cake. one two three four five the five lay a cake that happens in every person um and what he's going through in life. Now the majority of therapy and majority of coaching and guiding are focused on the last three which is thoughts, behavior and emotions and there's a lot of debate which way to go around it. CBT has one way, Medina has another way and um all the other therapies are focused on behavior, thoughts, feelings or feelings, behavior, thoughts and you can play around which one is the right way to do it. I when I came up with it with my coach with my core values sorry with my method was that I focused on the second which is the core values I think that's new and I'm also focusing now a lot on the lens because this is going to make your life completely different all of a sudden you're going to understand people you're going to know how to work with them you're going to understand the way they look at the world and what triggers them and you will understand all of a sudden your husband and your wife much better. At the end of the day, we're coming back that all humans, they want one thing. They want to feel good. The second thing that I know is that I have a very short life. And I want to do something to help myself and to feel better, not with a theory. I wanted something very solid, something that's really going to help. And that's what I'm here to share because the tora the tora and that is that this is Mishi King Solomon which is called proverbs. Um he was the wisest person. He was only 12 years old when he became king. And he had a dream that God Hashem came to him and said you can choose anything that you like to ask me. You can ask wealth, you can ask wisdom, you can ask um a long life chose and he said Hashem I want wisdom. And that's what he got. He got a lot of wisdom. And because it's coming directly from Hashem, I know that every word and every pusk that the pusk says is not a theory. This is solid. I can sit on each pusk probably a day or two trying to take out the the direction that this pusk is meant for me and the way my brain thinks and interpretates it. But the way I learn it is very superficial and it's very simple guidance. And because it's Hashem's word, it's the tora. It's it's to I knew that there is this is not a theory. I will be following this even if it's very difficult for me. But I'm saying it because I know that it's this is going to help a lot of people out there and hopefully this will help the world. I had no sense of eye and everything was negative. I only saw the bad in people instead of seeing the good. The first thing I saw was the bad. Everything that somebody in my office was doing, I only saw the bad. I always criticized them and no wonders they didn't want to work with me. No wonder all of a sudden clients became enemies and friends became hostile. I didn't know about it. I thought that I'm always right. What what should I do? This is these people are bad. If I have a disagreement with someone, it became the end of the world because he's wrong and he's bad. Then I had I couldn't let go. I couldn't let go. It was one night in Australia. I was sitting in Shil in synagogue on my own. In the side of my eyes, I witnessed my friends or so to speak. They had a great conversation on their own. I wasn't invited. They were perfectly fine without me. It bugged me very deeply. It hurt because I'm sensitive. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be cherished. I wanted to have friends. I wanted at least to have the chance to say no. I can't participate. I didn't have that chance. I wasn't asked. It was 11:00 p.m. alone, sad. It was the time when my pain reached and I was indulged involved in my learning deeply hyperfocused as an ADHD person would be and I came to one which I'm about to share with you because this is this is the first core value which I'm about to teach you. This changed my life in a way which I can tell you hands on my heart. My life became not 20% better and not 50% better. It became 186% better. If I can say a thousand% better, I will. It's unmatched. It calmed me down. It changed me. People are magnetic to me. Would I say that I became a different person? No. The way I'm thinking is still the same. I didn't change the way I think, the way I do things, but the way I interact changed more positivity. And today people are around me and surrounding me. They feel the positive vibe. I don't want them to know that my previous life I was the hated kid in class. I don't want them to know that I was the one that quietly kids didn't like to hang out or enjoy with me. I don't want them to know that. And I know there are thousands of people, thousands of kids and thousands of children that go through the same pain. They want to be liked, but they have one question. What should I do? They're good people. They just need guidance. What should I do? And it was that 11:00 at night. I still remember today. I was sitting there deeply in pain. It was only a few days after my last kavisa decided to leave me too. As painful it is to say and to share it and humiliating, I'm doing it because I know it's going to help other people out there. I want to say first thank you Hashem again because my life I can't even imagine how I would survive. The pain was way too deep. It was 11 p.m. and I learned one puzz which I'm about to share with you that opened up a new way, a new path in the way I'm doing things. Would you like to listen? Would you like to hear what I'm having to say? Are you interested in changing your life, too? Because I'm not telling you what to do. I'm magnetic. As a life coach, it feels nice that people come to me once and they want to come again and again. Not week after week, day after day. 90% of my clients, they come daily. They don't come physically because I don't see people in person because I'm ADHD and I need to walk around. My emotions are still strong, but I speak to them on the phone. That little phone, that's all has helped already thousands and thousands of people. And today I do something interesting and unique. I sign contracts. I sign contracts, legal contracts with people that it's called 100 days of your life. That's it. 100 days of transformation. That's something interesting. We work every single day. We worked for an hour and that's it. You have 100 days to work on yourself because after 100 days were done. That exerted a lot of pressure on on them. So, they had to work because a big problem problem of therapy is that it's just the lack of pressure. I'm proud that I have a chance to change so many people's lives. And it was interesting. So, I would like to share it with you because I'm getting excited about it because I know how many people said that their lives changed. So, it was 11:00 p.m. at that night. I was sitting very sad, very humiliated. And there was almost an empty shel was only a few people sitting there in the side, my right side and the other corner. and I was jealous and I was hurt in the same time because they had a very nice conversation and I wasn't divided and they no one looked at me and here I am sitting and I would like to share it with you. The strength of this was because I knew it's Hashem's word and if it's Hashem's word I'm going to do it by hook and by crook that I knew I'm going to do it. Today it became so much easier at the time when I started doing it and living with these three words. That's all it is. Three words. It was very difficult. It was ganam. Here I am with a new boundary. I I I I didn't know how to work with this. But I knew that's what came from Hashem. This is Hashem's word. It's not something a theory. This is what you have to do. And I started mastering it. people started liking me more and more and I'm still the same person who I am. I haven't changed the way the chain of thought, the way I do things, who I am, my personality, instead of hiding it, it's now shining. I'm proud of myself. I love myself. I feel good. And people enjoy it, too, because they feel the vibe. Regardless of which race you are, which country you live, or which religion you are, it's all Hashem's word. It's God's word. And if you want to change your life, this is the time instead of going years to therapy, years to coaching or guiding, this is the time. This is the time to know why so many relationships fail. Why so many people have pain and suffering? And this is what it is. The pus is a mishi kapitis. The 12th chapter capit is a mishi. There is a major pusk which I'm about to tell you. Are you ready to start? Let's dive in. Have you ever thought what is the biggest and strongest power on this world? What is the strongest and most powerful power in this world? Is it metal? No. Is it steel? Brick? No. I'm going to tell you a secret. The biggest and the strongest power in this world is air. A I R. Just air. That's it. Air carries millions of pounds, airplanes, trucks, buses, people, loads. Everything is carried just on a bit of air. What is air? Air is nothing. You can't even touch it, right? Just a bit of air goes between my hands. Now there is nothing. What is air? Air is light. I'm breathing in air. What is air? It's nothing yet is the most powerful thing. Isn't that interesting? Let's take a moment to think and to appreciate that the power of air. And now I'm coming to this pusk and I'm excited because this is exactly what's going on with a lot of shuliasis, a lot of marriages, a lot of pain, parents, friends, business colleagues, partners. Are you ready? The says there are words that penetrate like a sword. That's all says I haven't reached the three words. There are words, just words, just a just a there are words that penetrate, that sting, that pierce through flesh like a sword. I'd like to share with you a little story. I had a nephew. He was playing in shul in synagogue. It was a Friday night. He was playing with his friends and all of a sudden while he was running around he bumped into a corner of a table. That table was I think it was a metal table or I think the edges maybe were just metal and he bumped into it and he hurt his stomach. He wasn't thinking much of it. He continued he continued playing but after a few minutes he came to my brother and he said to him that he feels a lot of pain and he was crying. My brother wasn't thinking much of it and he said just to sit down and take a glass of water and calm down. He didn't see anything any major concern. I think 20 minutes or 30 minutes passed by and my brother saw he was a bit pale. So he went to an EMT at Sula member that was diving in the same sh and he asked him to check. He said, "Look, my child was running around. He was playing with his friends and he just bumped himself into a corner and he's saying he's feeling a bit some stomach pain." So thatula member the EMT wasn't thinking much about it either and he said look let's let's just check it out. He didn't see much concern but he said look if he's complaining and he's a cootin he's a young child let's go into hospital. They arrived I don't think they rode with lights and sirens. They didn't think it's emergency but they said let's go check it out just to be on the safe side. Right when they came out the whole hospital or all the nurses came running. A brother didn't even know what's going on and they were running literally he said literally running into the operating theater. His spin was ruptured. He had a ruptured spleen and obviously there is no nerves internally. So he wasn't feeling anything. He just felt sick because so much blood was bleeding. The doctors told my brother that he is very lucky that he came in. Should he have arrived 15 minutes later, this child would have been dead. This child would have been dead. Internal bleeding. Nobody saw anything. No one knew a thing. Do you guys understand what I'm saying? Let's say this very slow. There are words that is said that is piercing through human flesh, a human heart, a human brain with a knife like this. There are words. That's what says. And this is his wisdom. Wisdom of is something that people are not realizing because otherwise he wouldn't have said it. There are words, just words, nothing just air that are said from your mouth. You don't mean it. You don't even know where it's going. There is no harm. You didn't touch the other person physically. You didn't take his money. You didn't touch his goods. Just airurv that pierce through that penetrates flesh. The human heart, the human brain. All of a sudden, you don't know what's going on with your husband. He's acting erratic. He's acting like a mess. He's acting like a craze. He's acting like an addict. And you don't know what happened. And neither does he. He doesn't know what's going on with him. He doesn't know what's going on. You know why? Because there is an internal bleeding happening. This guy is bleeding from within. His body, his heart is penetrated and bleeding prefusely. And just give it a few minutes and he's falling down dead emotionally. There is nothing whom to talk to. And all of a sudden the wife is wondering what's going on. Why is he acting like this? The same thing happens if the husband does it to the wife. All of a sudden parents see children acting up. They don't know what's going on with these kids. Why are they misbehaving? You know why? Because there are words that pierce and penetrate the brain, the human brain, the human heart. It penetrated everything inside with a sword. Would you go and take a knife to stab someone because you were unhappy the way he behaves? I don't think so. We would never do that. But that's exactly what happens. You don't see it. Nobody knows what's going on. But this person is not feeling good anymore. You complained, right? You just said something not nice. You said something nasty. You don't see anything. I just said a few words. This person is bleeding to death. This person is left to die. And you don't even see it. All of a sudden, you see that your husband, your wife, is a different person, the one to the one you married. All of a sudden, you see your kids behave different, right? But what happened? Because of few words that you said, I'm going to tell you something a secret. Are you ready? I believe that every emotional trauma that a person has or endured is only because of words. Not because of smacking. Only because of words. Always when I go into the depth of the pain and the trauma, it's always coming back to some words that the parent or a friend or a teacher or a principal told them and that penetrated their brain and they cannot move on and that's why they act in certain ways. Now I'm going to come to the three words that really changed my life and that's the end of the pusk. The soft pusk says three words which literally that's what I was living and breathing. I was sleeping with this pusk. I was waking up with this pusk and this changed my life. Are you ready? I'm gonna give it to you now for free. The three words are the thong of the wise heals in the tongue from a wise person. Marai is healing. Everybody who's listening, when I learned these three words, it was like heaven opened up and I said to myself, Your tongue is only going to speak words that is going to make the other person feel good. I didn't know that my words hurt people. I didn't even know how to speak. But now I knew that my words must make the other person feel good. And my question in my head when I stood up was, will this word make him feel good? It was either a yes or no. It's a black or white. There is no middle ground. Is this going to make him feel good? It was a yes or a no. I want to learn with you the second because this is a very big part of it. And I'm going to explain to you in a second what healing means because healing is not positive. Positive is part of healing. It's not healing. It's a fourth type of speech. It's a fourth new type of language. The next pig is saf. So I knew that these two go combined. Meaning I'm not going to be able to say compliments to you if it's not true. It is going to have to be true. And that is very difficult guys because our brains are wired to see the negative and the bad. And obviously it's made for good, a good purpose. The reason why we see the negative and the bad is to protect ourselves. Obviously we're going to see the negative and bad and we won't believe them. We won't trust them. Um if anything is happening with you know our brains it's the biggest gift from God that we should see negative and dark so we protecting ourselves but sometimes our brain goes in like an allergic reaction and it's too much it become we get hives it's too much there's only every person has only 3% of negativity in him that he does negative things the majority of it is positive it's positive so we are focused focusing a lot more on the negative while that is 97% of positivity. Right? I give you an example. A mom is screaming and the husband has difficulties accepting it. I've spoken to a husband and he couldn't get over his wife is screaming all day long at home and she he can't stand it. And I said, "Your wife is up probably 12 18 hours a day. Can you combine how many minutes really she's screaming?" And he was thinking he said probably 60 minutes. I said perfect 60 minutes. You know how many minutes she's not screaming? There's over a thousand minutes that she's not screaming. Can we just take a moment to congratulate this effort? There's definitely effort in there. We are wired to focus on the negative. And now with this means there's a new there's a new person. There's a new core value of me who I am. And it was pretty difficult because I have to speak the truth. It must be truth. It cannot be a lie or made up compliments which is actually amazing cuz it made me feel good when you say a compliment but was also very embarrassing because majority of times you don't want to say certain things to a person because it makes you feel very small. Right? For some reason when we say a compliment to someone we move. You'll notice that you just move around because you don't feel good giving a compliment. For some reason, our brains are wired. I don't know why that is that if you give a compliment to someone that this person is better than you, um you become very small. You become a nothing. It was a difficult task because it's needs to be healing. My tongue from now on can only speak words of healing and healing means words that it's going to make the other person feel good. not me because the tongue from a wise person will heal. Saying words that make the other person feel good and it took a long time. Healing is the foundation. What healing means, that's a fourth language and there's a lot of things that actually go into it and I'll give you a few examples. Compliments is part of healing. sharing my emotions, how you made me feel good and how you just made me feel and how I enjoyed being around you. That is part of healing. Gratitude is part of healing. Appreciation on genuine and and true things is part of healing. Parents do a lot for kids, a lot. And children do a lot for parents. And that's all healing. It makes the other person feel good. But unfortunately, when your husband messes up or your wife messes up something, that's all we focus on. And all I did was from that second on, it became a core value that if my wife or my friends did something that bothered me, I will not talk about it because that's not healing. I'm only speaking words of healing. Am I falling through about it with it? I still do because this is the hardest part for me. And that's why I started at my core value course with that. But majority of people, they don't have this issue of speaking so negative. I did. And for me, it's still a battle. I wouldn't say every day. Today, I'm much stronger and I have the grip. But is this word making the other person feel good? That is my question. Is this word making the other person feel good? All of a sudden, I was able to cut out 50% of my talk. I became quiet. And quiet is magnetic. I stopped complaining. And that's magnetic. I stopped seeing the bad in people. Although I saw it still because I was very negative, but I couldn't talk. And I came up with a lot of techniques how to hold back to talk. And because I wasn't talking words that were piercing or hurting people, my brain slowly started to change to positive. Today I see far less negativity in people. Far less because the tongue of the wise must speak healing. And I'm going to finish this session and I'm going to explain to you something. There is three types of languages. There is negative. There is something called in Yiddish parva. Parva means in the middle. That's called parva. It's not it's not negative. It's not positive. And then there is positive. I came up with a fourth language. And that fourth language is called healing. And that healing is something that is made to make the other person feel good. I will find something something in every person that is true that normally you wouldn't say or you wouldn't focus on it but I will have to if I want to talk if I don't want to speak then I can be quiet what's going on emotional containment the trauma how quietness has a role in all that the power of quietness which you probably will find on my website but Today I wanted to share with you this first core value of mine at least with mine. I'm just sharing with you my life journey and this was the first core value. I've got a lot of interesting stories that happened. I'm going to finish with one story. It was an interesting story. I had a friend in Australia that he started knowing me I think after I started speaking only healing which by the way made me a lot of times quiet and initially it was very difficult for me to be quiet. It was very painful but it learned me tolerance which we will speak amid Hashem in the course and he liked me but the way he wanted to connect was by saying miss it he was saying a lot of mus to me every time he came into shield you have to do this better you have to do this better have you ded already you haven't ded why you doing this why you doing that and I knew this is the way he tries to connect and I remember it was difficult for me I was trying to respond to him either with quietness or to say some words of healing which it was pretty difficult for me at the time to find. It was one day when I came in to shul and it was before my coffee and this guy met me and he started with this thing. He started with his miss and I think I lost it and I was thinking to myself let me put away it was literally the beginning of my journey. Today I would it would never happen. I have control on myself. But that was like I think the first few months and I was thinking to myself, let me put away for a few minutes. Let me finish my business with this guy to tell him once and FOR ALL TO BACK off me. I had a lot to tell him and then I'll go back to my healing language. And I remember my my rage really took a toll on me. And I grabbed the guy at his shoulders and I started shaking him. I was so angry, so enraged from all these days that he kepts on telling me what to do and he's saying it in the negative way. And I literally thought, please move away for a few minutes. I just want to finish my business and then I'll come back home. Um, so basically I grabbed a guy at the shoulders. I was so enraged. I'm telling you, I I can't remember being so enraged ever before. So, I grabbed a guy in his shoulders and I started shaking him and I was so enraged that I had so many things in my head because I have a very sharp tongue. And I remember a teacher in school told me, "Simka, I know you want to become a gaba for something, but I can't do it to you. I can't I can't do it because your your tongue is very very sharp and it hurts a lot of people." At the time, I was only 12 years old. I didn't even know what he's talking about. Um, it took me 30 years, right, to find out that healing, what healing is all about. And because I think abstract, I understood this on the spot. But I was grabbing this guy and I was shaking him and I wanted to talk and I had everything ready in my mouth. I'm telling you guys, the words was on my tongue, at my lips. And that last second, I heard something tapping in me and said, "Simka, you're not stronger than Schlama. You're not stronger than Hashem's toy. They are stronger than you. And you will obey. You will listen." And it was the last second. And I knew I'm not going to break my core value. I'm not going to do it. If I fall through, I fall through. But deliberately to do that to do different what says it's a big no and I was still shaking him. So I knew I can't be quiet. So I quickly had to start finding some truthful compliments or something I can say. My anger was already at my lips and I quickly changed and I had to think and I said listen since you came to the synagogue it's a pleasure to be here. You should know I love when you come and please come every day. I want you to be here because you're injecting a lot of life. You're amazing. You're awesome. The way you think is clear. I like it. Go. And I was going, I can't even remember what I was saying, but I was throwing out everything what my head was thinking. It needs to be truth and it needs to be healing. And he was smiling, thinking it's all cool. He'd literally know how much rage I had in me. And finish. We finished. Everyone was laughing. I was I was crazy. It went past 4 days. I don't I forgot about the story. And this person comes to me and he says, "Simka, I want to tell you something." You remember 4 days ago when he shook me up and he said all these nice things to me which I don't think is true. I said, "Yeah, I want to tell you I was in a very bad state. It was a very difficult time for me. Your words gave me such a boost which you will never know because I'm not ready to share with you what I was going through but you should know your words pushed me and it drove me all day. I'm just want to tell you thank you and thank you to you as my listener. I love you. I appreciate your effort. Your effort that you're putting in to help yourself, to help the world, to help your family, to help your kids, to make the place, the world a better place is unbelievable. I appreciate your effort. We want to make a movement, a movement of healing. Healing words. Words that will make the other person feel good. Because when someone hurts somebody, they don't mean to hurt. They just want to feel good. They don't know how. They don't need to be teached. They don't need to be taught. They don't need to be advised. It depends on me. My words will make that person feel good. It can change his way of thinking. He will become positive. You will become positive. We all will become positive. This is a lot of work. Let me tell you, this needs to be 40 days straight of work. Thank you so much. I appreciate you. I admire you. I respect you. And I do want to see you at the course. and the next episode I will be speaking about interesting topics and I look forward to meet you there. If you do want to speak to me, you can call my hotline. Currently, it's only in Yiddish. Hopefully soon. I'll make one in English. 8454598898. 845-4598898. You may not understand because it's Yiddish, but you can press option seven and you can leave a message. I promise I will come back to you. I will help you. Thank you again and good night.