How to Stay Emotionally Present This Pesach "Let's Get Real with Coach Menachem"

Yes. Beautiful. So, first of all, welcome everybody. Thank you to coach Menachem. Thank you to my dear friends. Thank you to and thank you to the entire amazing audience that's with us here gracing us with your presence this evening. Those who are watching, listening, those who will soon come on, those who will watch or listen later. It's a great privilege and opportunity to be here. >> [snorts] >> As I came on, partners told me that this tonight is the sixth anniversary of this incredible weekly Zoom program of unity and and I think I was on one of the first few weeks, no? The busher. You on probably share like 10. Something like that. >> Yeah, I think we did something on something related to marriage. Yeah, and really to be able to see, you know, those were [snorts] very very crazy days, lots of lots of tragedy and death. And everybody was home and everybody learned what it means to be home for a whole year. And the fact that you used you know, you took the crisis and turned it into an opportunity. An opportunity for tremendous amount of growth and awareness and unprecedented ways. Were people in their kitchens and bedrooms and living rooms and wherever they are for those for that year and then it continued to be able to really go deeper into themselves and dedicate time and resources and energy to the most important aspect of life, which is our deepest spiritual growth, our relationship with our soul, with Hashem, with our loved ones and to bring infinite light into the world. So, mazel tov, mazel tov on the program 266. Resh Samech Vav. And really a privilege to be here this evening with all of you, especially as we're about to herald in the time of liberation but also There's no question. I'll just say this as an opening intro that you know, there are moments in history where you could feel that there is what's called a tectonic shift. The plates of the earth. They call it a tectonic shift in the plates of the earth which cause causes a tremendous ruckus, earthquakes and so forth. There are moments in history where you could see there are major shifts happening. Now, shifts are always happening in history but nonetheless, we're living in a time literally where to our open eyes, there is so many changes and transformations and in ways that one can't believe. Generally, the last few years, you know, Jewish history has taken such radical shifts and turns both and both. Unprecedented tragedies like October 7th when I was on last time here, I think a few weeks later. It was quite intense. And then what happened afterwards including also astounding miracles. And I think, you know, in we know that every person is supposed to say the world was created for me. It's not a crazy statement or some narcissism some narcissism. It means that the micro and the macro parallel to each other. The micro is the small miniature universe. My world, your world. And then there's the macro, there's the big universe but they're not separate. We're all interconnected and interlaced with each other and with the entire world. It really means that whatever is happening in the world my my presence, my attitude has something very serious to contribute in a very powerful way and a beautiful way to the point that there's something at stake for the entire universe in my life, in my presence, in my relationships, in my connection, in my growth. So, when you see such transformations in the world, it's not just meant to be something that will become dramatic news. So, every few hours I can check and see what's happening here, what's happening there. We are curious human beings especially when it comes to our brothers and sisters in the holy land and something that it's really the entire world's balance is now in the present, you know, is now really as the says, a person a person should always look at the world as equally balanced and my thoughts, my words, my actions can tip the scale. Well, now you literally you see the world in balance, you see the powers of good versus evil. I mean, it's incredible times. But also to bring it back into the micro. If there is such tectonic shifts in the world that the orchestrating the only way really to be present at such times with serenity, with trust, with faith, with connection, to be fully present with every power of our soul is when we're ready for transformation. When I'm ready to crack open. When I'm ready to experience an ego death. When I'm ready for the tectonic shifts in my own psyche also to be moved around. And we know that's not so easy, you know, who moved my cheese? Sometimes I'd rather stay small and safe and in control. At least that everything is predictable. You know, this it says in explain the many smart and why the Jews they left Egypt but they kept on wanting to come back. For 40 years they The answer is because it was predictable. At least I have some form of illusionary some form of control at least in my own illusions. A desert, a wilderness, I don't know what is the unknown. To be in the unknown is very very hard. And yet, you can't leave exile and enter into redemption. You can't leave exile consciousness and enter into redemptive consciousness which represents broadness of consciousness as the says if you're not ready to go into an unknown wilderness. The is there. There's an element what the cabalist call between one and another there's an in between. Between one something and a new something that is completely of a different magnitude, you need to go through the unknown. You need to go through the mysterious. You need to go through moments when it's almost like I have nothing to hold on. >> [laughter] >> I was giving a class the other day so somebody summarized the class says you can't have the egg and eat it too. Meaning, if you want your egg to be transformed into a living chick, the egg has to go. I can't hold on to the egg and have an omelet and also have a chick. You have to choose which one. I can't hold on to the seed and have a tree. The seed has to decompose for the tree to emerge. Decomposition, the cracking of the egg is not easy because I have an egg and this is my egg and it's my omelet for breakfast with cheese. >> [laughter] >> I'm not letting go of the egg but if I don't let go of the egg life will never emerge. And this is in every person's life, the psychological and emotional ability to be able to crack open our eggs, whatever they look like and experience real growth is a vulnerable process. It's a process I think that this particular program has been trying to help people navigate in the last few years when there's so many shifts emotionally and psychologically and financially and historically and politically and socially and spiritually and what have you, you know? The world is changing. Somebody told me a line actually. It was last year actually. Somebody told me that they were in Arizona and they met a non-Jew non-Jewish woman and she says, I just liked it. You know, the cabalist the person said, God has been expediting consciousness. Which means something is is is is expanding. And it's it's it's it's time we have to let go of whatever that looks like and it's not so easy. We all need support. That's why we need we need and we have to find the inside of us and the inside of us to be able to usher in this this this state. So, I it's it's it's very very exciting times. There's also a lot of anxiety. There's a lot of unknown especially, you know, you talk about our brothers and sisters in the holy land. We don't even relate to it. What it does it mean to go and run run into a or a bomb shelter three times during the night, five times during the night, four times during the night. It's this is not simple. Trying to prepare for trying to make believe you're normal. It's literally the Jewish people are being challenged in very very very powerful ways and also rising like lions in very very powerful ways. And I think it's a historic opportunity that we must not forfeit because our antennas are picking up very deep stuff. And the worst thing we can do to ourselves is deprive ourselves from the gifts that are being literally that manifested in our world as we talk. >> [snorts] >> So, I think that's a good opening. You with me? All right, you want to jump into questions and polls and everything? Yeah, yeah, sure. Okay. That was just an opening to set the tone. Okay, let's take a three question poll over here and then we're going to go into live questions. Anybody who has a question is welcome to ask. Please text us your questions here. Remember, live questions go first. And here we go. Hold on one second. Okay. Everybody answer to the best of your ability. Let me know when to admit. When you hear that we are living through miracles, what do you feel? Four options. Option number one, I clearly feel it and see his hand. Number two, I hear it but I don't really feel it. Number Number three, I'm unsure. I'm somewhere in between. Number four, honestly, it doesn't feel like miracles at all. What's your honest opinion? Okay, second question. How easy is it for you to feel genuine gratitude to Hashem during stressful or uncertain times? Very natural for me, option [snorts] A, option B, I try but it's very hard to feel it. Option C, only when things go well. Option D, I struggle to connect to gratitude at all. Third question, as we get ready for our Pesach here. Going into Pesach this year, where are you holding emotionally? A, calm, present, and looking forward. B, a bit stressed out but trying to stay grounded. C, overwhelmed and distracted. Or D, just trying to get through it. Okay, give me 5 seconds to answer. Okay, 5 4 2 1 Here we go. First question, Rabbi YY. When you hear that we're living through miracles what do you feel? 69% of people, almost 70% of people I clearly feel it and I see Hashem's hand. 15% I hear it but I don't feel it. 13% of people, I'm not sure. I'm somewhere in between. And 2% of people, honestly, it doesn't feel like a miracle at all. So, it seems like by far the majority of people are seeing the Yad Hashem, the miracles that we're living through right now. Amazing. Want to go to the next poll? I thought that would be there. I I felt it because it's it's very hard not to. It's I mean like Unless you want to really deceive yourself. We make [snorts] everything at the table. Like you see thousands of missiles and you see people being saved. They said one of the missiles that hit one of the buildings like they just evacuated that building. Like it was like these things are happening consistently but to us it's all because there's an Iron Dome and because America and because Trump and because everything has a shot but that's that's whatever I mean a tree if you plant a seed is because you put seeds. That's why a tree grows. It's not a miracle. How easy is it for you to feel genuine gratitude to Hashem during stressful or uncertain times? 34% of people, it's very natural for me. 55% of people, Rabbi YY have a very hard time feeling gratitude when things are stressful. It's hard. I try but it's hard for them to feel it. 6% only when things go well. 5% I struggle to connect to gratitude at all. So, people have a hard time when things are stressful to really have a card to tell you and thank you and you know to Hashem. Yeah. Third question. Going into Pesach this year, where are you holding emotionally? 33% of people are calm, present, looking forward, and enjoying tonight's program with Rabbi YY and just chilling. 44% of people a bit stressed but trying to stay grounded. 9% overwhelmed and distracted. 14% just trying to get through it. What an amazing crowd we have. Wow. This is this is the the crowd, you know. >> [applause] >> Okay, should we go to the live questions? Bavakasha. Okay, you're on. Unmute. Hi. First uh again, thank you for all your you did I can't hear. Maybe they could speak a little louder. Could you speak a little louder? the way you're doing amazing. I hope Uh let me see. Okay, do you hear me better? Yes. >> Yes. Okay. So, again, I have to tell you thank you. You're you're giving amazing shiurim, amazing. Thank you so much. I'm not clear. Go go ahead. Go ahead. I am. Oh. Okay, so my question is like this. Um if I finally experience God, why is it important for me to do like extras, chumras, minhagim? I I I There are people that need to do things to feel connected to Hashem. I feel it through gehennam, through um working on my ego and all my challenges. Um why should I do all these extra things? Who says you should? Somebody told you you should? Yes, sure. Who? My my community, my my my This is what they expect. This is what everyone expects. I I want to know if there's if there's a reason for it or every person >> I'll I'll I I can't It's very hard for me to give specific advice to a particular person without knowing all the details and all the circumstances. So, I'm just going to give a general answer and I'm going to ask you or anybody else listening to apply it to your life, okay? It would be like buying roses for my wife for Shabbos, okay? Okay, it's a beautiful beautiful thing to do. It's a gesture. It makes a person It makes a woman feel good and similar types of gestures that build connection. But what happens if as a result of buying those roses I am going to get into a bad mood. I'm going to get angry cuz I didn't have the money to spend it on and I was stressed and I had to run somewhere and I got stuck and I almost didn't come home for Shabbos and then a whole Shabbos I'm giving my spouse an attitude >> [laughter] >> because I bought them roses. So, I'm sure any healthy wife would tell the husband, you know what? Why don't you forget the roses and let's just have a beautiful Shabbos together. All the chumras and hidurim a hidur mitzvah is for enhancing a relationship. It's to make a relationship so much more meaningful and so much more beautiful. But if it's creating anxiety and stress and it's causing the person to actually feel a lot of negativity. So, one has to be very very cautious about that. I'm not going to say that a person should let go of all the minhagim of the family and all the chumras of all the hidurim of the family. But the point is we always want to remain focused on the soul of it. So, that which the halacha tells us we do, we do. That's the Shulchan Aruch, that's the ratzon Hashem and that's important. You know, if something is meaningful to my wife, I may understand it, I may not understand it. But running the extra mile, what we call the stringency, the minhag, the hidur, the main point is because you want to connect in a deeper way. You want to suck the marrow out of the relationship. I don't just want to, you know, make a checklist and say I did it. I I'm I'm It's actually a simcha. It's called simcha It's a Chazal called you know, there's there's a concept called simcha shel mitzvah. Simcha shel mitzvah means it's [snorts] such a geshmak that I run the I go the extra mile because I appreciate the power of it. But if the results are the exact opposite and it's just overwhelming me and the whole Pesach becomes just one big negative burden, one should be very very cautious and very very careful. I'm going to tell you a beautiful story that I heard many years ago. It's not doesn't exactly touch on this question but it it it gives us a perspective. The previous Lubavitcher Rebbe, he's known as the Rebbe Rayatz. I'm named after him, Yosef Yitzchak. The father-in-law of the most recent Lubavitcher Rebbe, the Rebbe Rayatz. He He survived the Nazis. He came here in 1940 and he passed away in 1950. And they say a story that he was doing a Pesach fabrengen or meal upstairs in the second floor of 770 Eastern Parkway. And you probably know by Chassidim they're very very careful with gebrokts, right? That the matzah should not get wet. Not only with water, anything. Because particles of flour that may have not been baked and if it gets wet, it can become chametz and on Pesach even a mash even a drop of chametz is forbidden. Okay, there was somebody at the table who didn't know I guess of the custom. And there was in front of the table there was borscht. You know what borscht is? Beet juice. And it looked good. So, he took the matzah >> [laughter] >> and he made a a shaina mikvah and he dipped it into the borscht. >> [laughter] >> And he started to eat it. So, I guess one of the boys, one of the yeshiva bachurim that was there you know, got upset and he started to rebuke him, "What are you doing? And we don't do this." And I guess he gave him mussar or whatever it is. So, the Rebbe, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, the Rebbe Rayatz was at the other side of the table. And maybe he saw the commotion. So, he asked, "What's happening?" So, somebody told him. So, they say that he said, I'll say it in Yiddish and then I'll translate. He said, "Besser a roite matzah vi a roiten ponim." Much better a red matzah than a red face. Although he was extremely extremely strict as they are by Chassidim and in Chabad with gebrokts, very strict. I know I know I know this very [laughter] well. But you always have to have everything in context. You understand? Gebrokts is a beautiful is an amazing chumra but if this guy is now going to be get embarrassed, he says better a red matzah than a red face. I think in all of our lives we always have to remember that. You know, if I'm start embar If I start embarrassing myself or I start embarrassing my children or I start embarrassing people or I become a mother who is depleted and and overwhelmed and anxious, so sometimes you have to ask yourself, you know, maybe it's better to have a red matzah than to have red faces from embarrassed. from embarrassed. >> more question. Um excuse me, a one more question. By us it's very important masoyda. It's like if you touch masoyda, it's it's it's your the next generation is will be off the shore. My [snorts] question to you is like is it not like I'm touching something and Messiah is by us the Torah? Well, Messiah Messiah Messiah Messiah is very very sacred. But what's the sacredness of Messiah? The sacredness of Messiah is we have to remember we don't worship systems and we don't worship words and we don't worship people. We only worship Hashem. The beauty of Messiah is that it's part of Hashem. It's not because I want to conform to the community and because I'm not allowed to think for myself and because we throw out the word Messiah and people are supposed to get afraid. Then even holy things can become distractions from Hashem. We're here to serve Hashem. We're here to bring God's light into our lives into the world. We're here to bring holiness, goodness, kindness, truth, authenticity into the world. That's what Messiah is. You get it? Let's not make an nothing should become an ideology. The writes I want to tell you something very powerful. There is why did break the us? And he said what happened was the Jews were so used to paganism in Egypt that they could not strip Hashem from an object. And when he saw that they made the golden calf, Moshe showed them by breaking the us that nothing is holy. The only thing that's holy is Hashem. And if he says something is holy, that's what makes it holy. So even the us he broke, he wanted to show them we don't worship anything. Nothing is holy. Hashem is holy and we worship Hashem. So everything is in the context of Hashem. You first say the look. Thank you [clears throat] so much. Yeah. Thank you. >> look look how it's it's nice to see the the your reactions. So I'm grateful for that. For many sitting out there a breath of fresh air. Yeah. Yeah. Now some people they get upset. How can you say this? Messiah is everything. What we should Anybody hearing that, please don't misconstrue my words. I am not saying to Messiah. The foundation of Judaism is the whole is we got to but let's remember what it's about. It's about serving God. It's about bringing truth into our homes, happiness into our homes, light into our homes. MS spirituality, [snorts] depth, connection. It's not because we take some word or object and we worship it and it's all about the pressure of conformity. It's the exact opposite. Let's remember that the first Jew had the courage to break >> [laughter] >> to break the tablets of stone of his father. The first Jew understood we don't worship anything. We worship Hashem. And therefore we have to have the courage sometimes to smash an idol. Now idols come in different shapes. When something is a channel for Hashem, it's the holiest thing in the world. When it becomes an object that substitutes Hashem, one should be just very very cautious. All right. Let's go to the next live question. Hi. Hello Rabbi YY. Hello. I am very grateful for this very necessary reminder what this is about and I want to ask you a question about um the instance when the Rebbe today was Rebbe's birthday. He was alone on and a lot of wanted him to not be alone, but he was content. He was content and he felt like this intimacy with Hashem was something that he needed and he didn't need other people. So I wanted to ask you about meditation that can help us, me particularly, to be in this space with Hashem even when other people are around. Many of them are complex personality. Um I would like to reach this level of of oneness and peace and connection and clarity even though not everybody is cooperating, not everyone is in a good mood, color coordinated, sitting and eating the proper amount of us. How do we get to this place of inner peace like the Rebbe did? That's that's a that's a profound question. I just for the audience I just want to clarify that they understand what you're talking about. Um we may have even done this on on on I don't remember on maybe on this on this program or another program, but during Corona, which is 6 years ago when this program began, Coach Menachem and started their blessed program. That many many people were alone. I know my mother for example, may she be well, always with family on since my father's death, but that she couldn't officially, so she was alone. We all sent her letters to read instead of the all the kids and grandkids sent her letters, which was beautiful, but so many people were alone. You know, fathers, grandfathers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, sometimes widows, widowers, people literally alone. They couldn't go to anybody. So at that time I shared something a memory that I want to share today because I think it's still relevant and that's really your question. And the memory was that I was once and I want to share it because I think it's a very very powerful message. People were asking how are we supposed to celebrate the literally alone. There's nobody else in the house the first time in 75 years. You know, drinking my four cups and saying the there's not even not even one person falling asleep on me. There's nobody to fall asleep. The only person I could fall asleep on myself. It was very hard so for so many people in Israel and around the world. So I told them a story that if a number of years earlier I was asked to do a workshop for single moms. Single moms who were who got divorced for whatever reason and we were about life and a woman shared something. And she said that to her I'm telling you it's a horrible story. It taught me so much that she had an agreement with her ex who the kids come for this holiday. One holiday him, one holiday her. For she was supposed to have the four children. So she cleaned the house. She cooked. She prepared for the she did us and she was waiting her four children before us. A little while before candle lighting her ex calls her and says I'm sorry, but there's a and the kids won't be coming for us. So this is around 20 minutes before candle lighting. She's there in her home. She told me I was so heartbroken I didn't even have the stamina to call a neighbor or a friend or a relative to come do the with them. I didn't want anybody. And she said my took around 25 minutes. And she was crying and she asked me if the had any worth. Was it was it worth anything? Was it a real it seemed like a fake us. And I'm sitting there with a bunch of women. This is in the in the Brooklyn Jewish Museum. The Jewish Museum was on Eastern Parkway. What is it called? JCM. The Jewish Children's Museum. I remember it was in a beautiful room there. >> [snorts] >> And I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how am I supposed to answer this? And then I had an epiphany. I had an epiphany. I was 15 years old. The Rebbe didn't have children. He used to do the with his wife just those two and the person in the house who would help out and serve. That year she passed away. I remember Ari Halberstam who was killed on the Brooklyn Bridge. Remember Ari Halberstam he was shot on the Brooklyn Bridge by a Muslim murderer. I remember Ari Halberstam his father used to help out in the house. So I saw he went over to the Rebbe after and he said my mother is extending an invitation for you to come to the just on the Eastern Parkway. He said you'll be with you know, be with our family and he knew their family cuz their father helped in the house. He just passed away. Hananiah Sinai David Halberstam Halberstam Ari's father just passed away a few months ago. So was a blessing. So the Rebbe was very grateful and thankful and he said thank your mother, but I'm going to be here alone. So Rabbi Groner Rabbi Groner the Rebbe's secretary thought he'll stay with the Rebbe. There was a man named Rabbi Gansburg. They all passed away already. And the Rebbe sent everybody home. Everybody away. And from then till the end he did the himself. This is 1988 89 90 and I remember he would come out you know for the open the door but all by himself. And I thought to myself then I was 15. The Rebbe is the one who initiated public in the whole world. A Jew in Nepal and a Jew in New Zealand and a Jew in Thailand and a Jew in Alaska and a Jew in Peru and a Jew in Los Angeles. Everywhere in the world there's hundreds and thousands of public that the Rebbe initiated for every Jew to have a us. And he himself he himself there was nobody there not one person at the us. It seemed this is before Corona. This is in the 80s. It seemed very very sad for me. I didn't think about it. And then when this woman asked this question I had an epiphany and I thought oh my God I looked at her and I said I want to tell you something. You just answered my question. Maybe the Rebbe a a shepherd of the Jewish people felt the pain of people like you who would end up in their us alone. And he wanted to demonstrate that you can sit yourself and leave because Hashem is there the is there. And trust me that the Rebbe's was an authentic and he left us. So I told this woman who knows maybe your was the greatest in the world. I don't know. And [snorts] during Corona I shared the story. I realized how meaningful it was for people. Of course we love company and we love family and it's amazing opportunity and experience, but to really understand that the most important relationship at the Seder is you with Hashem. And when my relationship with Hashem is powerful, then I can give that to my child. I'm giving something real to my child. We got to tell the vincha. So, I think in this context we all have to understand that. A lot goes on at Sedorim. >> [laughter] >> Not every house is so organized. And I would say in most houses this it's it's a hard night, let's face it. A hard night and there's different people and different backgrounds and different types of family members and people are interested, people aren't interested. You know, sometimes you have to also understand some people listening to this program they do the Seder with secular Jews who don't, you know, they're not busy with the 15 steps and what the Shulchan Aruch says and what the Some Sofer says and what the Maharal says, etc. So, I think it's so important to be able to find the inner peace of knowing that the greatest gift we can give ourselves on Pesach is open-hearted presence with God. Say, I'm here. I'm here. I once said at a class something I once read, you know, there's 15 steps in the Haggadah. What's the last one? Nirtzah. Kadesh, urchatz, karpas, yachatz. Everyone tells us what to do. Kiddush, wash your hands, dip the vegetable in salt water, say the Haggadah, wash your hands again, make hamotzi, make matzah, eat maror, a sandwich, there's meal, afikoman, blessings, hallel, benching, hallel. What's nirtzah? What's nirtzah? Nirtzah means God likes it. What am I supposed to do? >> [laughter] >> What's the 15th step? Nirtzah, God likes it. Nirtzah, say bavilik. Reb Nachman, how they teach you in Yiddish in Beis David. What is nirtzah? >> Bavilik. Bavilik. Bavilik, you see a mail? Bavilik, what does bavilik mean? So, if anybody in Lakewood doesn't have a good Yiddish, bavilik means that God is content. What's the step? WHAT'S THE STEP? WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO? Open your hearts, friends. So many of us at the end of the Seder, this is the hardest thing to do. We always think to ourselves, "Eh, my Seder was foolish. It was immature, it was amateur. It wasn't a real Seder, nothing happened. Yankee was in a bad mood, Varya was in a worse mood, Chaya was mamesh shiz and went to sleep in the middle AND SHMULI BAKLAVA. WHAT A disastrous Seder. This is not a Seder, this is a joke." So, the last step is nirtzah. You know who loved your Seder? Hashem. Everyone has nirtzah. Hashem said, "You guys showed up 3,338 YEARS LATER. OMG! YOU SHOWED UP, YOU SHOWED UP. YOU'RE EATING THE MATZAH AND YOU know what, let's face it, the matzah tastes like it's 3 and 1/2 thousand years old. Literally tastes like it, right? At least most matzahs. And you're here, you showed up. See that, celebrate it, enjoy it. So, I want to suggest to everybody in response, especially to your question, one of the greatest gifts of life is that when even when we're with a lot of people, we could still be with ourselves. Being with ourselves doesn't mean we're antisocial >> [laughter] >> and we give people an attitude. Being with ourselves means we are anchored in our truth. Don't let go of your truth during the Seder. Keep your heart open. Keep your heart open to gratitude. Keep your heart open to love. Keep your heart open to authenticity. Keep your heart open to your soul. Keep your heart open to your truth because nobody wants anything more than your authenticity. There's nothing I can give my children more than my authentic heart. There's nothing I can give anybody more than my authentic heart. And I would rather a heart that feels all the pain in the world than a closed heart. I've had a closed heart for many years. I know what it feels like. It's horrible. I'd rather feel the chaos, the pain, the challenges, the questions than close my heart. Once we close our hearts, we're dead people walking. Opening the heart and keeping it open even when there are questions, even when there are mysteries, even when there are challenges is the key because when there's an open heart, things come like a wave. It go passes like a wave. One emotion, another emotion, like a raging river. It moves, it moves, it moves, but stay present, stay present. That's my advice to you. Thank you so much. I think it was very helpful. Thank you. Wow. Shkoyach. Wow. So, here's a question that somebody sent in. I keep hearing that we should be we should feel great gratitude for everything that's happening, but honestly, I'm going through a really hard time in my own life. It's hard for me to feel anything but pain. How am I supposed to connect to gratitude or see Hashem in all this when I'm just trying to get through the day? >> [sighs and gasps] >> It's a very powerful question what you're saying. You would like to live with gratitude, but there's so many hardships and so many difficulties. So, my suggestion to you would be first of all, I just want to empathize and express how sorry I am for this. I know I don't know the details, but it sounds like there's some very serious challenges in your life, so I just want to express empathy and may Hashem give you the energy and the resources you need to be able to navigate this challenging situation. What I would say to you and really to all of us cuz so many of us have different types of challenges is whenever we're dealing with a challenging situation, I think there are two things that are very helpful. Number one, you need to be able to nurture yourself. >> [snorts] >> Don't invest in the eggs as much as you invest in the chickens. We sometimes always want to fix the eggs. No, no, no, no, no. The eggs are important, but the chicken is where the eggs come from. The one who's navigating all these challenges is you. Make sure you're investing in you. Nurture yourself. Nurture yourself physically, emotionally, psychologically, socially, spiritually. What that means is get the sleep that you need. Give yourself the food and the nutrients and the nutrition you need, the exercise you need, the emotional support you need, the spiritual connection you need, whether it's davening, learning, breathing, meditation, healing, hiking, writing, dancing, whatever it is, but make sure that the source is in a healthy space because if you have the stamina, if you have the vigor, respect yourself. Respect yourself. The fact that Hashem has given you these challenges means he wants you to respect yourself. Respect your energy. Create the boundaries you need because then you can approach your day with so much more energy and so much more stamina. You know, it's like somebody once gave me a metaphor. Imagine a Hatzalah guy is in the ambulance and he's driving somebody to the hospital and the one near him, the passenger says, "You don't have gas, you don't have gas, you got to stop." He says, "I don't have time to fill up gas. There's a guy WITH A HEART ATTACK here in the back. WE GOT TO GET TO the hospital." Of course, with no gas, they don't get to the hospital and nobody could be saved. You know, we're sometimes bringing every we're helping the whole world, but there's no gas. So, that's the first thing. You need to fill up your emotional tank with gas. Spiritual gas, physical gas, and emotional gas. That's number one and it's not a crime. People sometimes feel guilty. It's not a crime. I saw a great I saw a great line somebody sent me. Don't go to the gym because you hate yourself, because you hate your body. Go to the gym because you love your body. Yeah, we sometimes do so many things because we hate ourselves. We should start doing things not because we hate ourselves, cuz we love ourselves. Don't prepare for Pesach because you're guilty and bad. Prepare for Pesach because you respect yourself. So, that's number one. Number two, what is very important is try to be present with the present moment. If I try to figure out how to fix all the problems in my life and how to fix all the problems in the world, I will get overwhelmed and I will just have to go to sleep because I'm going to be exhausted. The Baal Shem Tov teaches that Hashem recreates the world every single moment. Hamachdish betuvo, we say in davening, bechol yom tamid maaseh bereishis. What does that mean practically? What am I supposed to do with that information? What I'm supposed to do with that information is realize that all of life is about now. Listen, it's it's really about now. What does Hashem want from me, Rabbi YY Jacobson or Menachem Ehrenfeld or Usher Parnes or anyone who's with us? What does Hashem want from me right now? This moment is the greatest moment that you will ever experience in your life. You know how I know? Because it's now. This space that you're in is the most interesting place you'll ever be in in your life. You know why? Cuz that's where you are now. And this encounter and relationship is the most important encounter in your entire life because it's happening right now. If I'm stuck in the past or I'm worrying about the future, I am not in touch with life. So, a way to look at it is what does God want from me right now, right here. I want to show up with presence, with an open heart. In an hour, that mission may change. Tomorrow, that mission may change. We don't like this. We like to be in control. We want to figure everything out. What that does is it takes us away from gratitude, it takes us away from living. Try living like this and you'll see first of all, a lot of amazing things will happen. The most important thing is you will feel the life inside your heartbeat and that is priceless. Reb YY, um before we go to our the next live question, some people are texting, "What's Reb YY's take on Iran and what's going on?" I mean, the title of the shiur is Yes. >> you know, something happened. Iran is what let's see what the title is again. Hashem didn't make a miracle, he did something much bigger. Just, you know, quick take. I mean, there's a lot going on there. It seems like not to get into achris hayomim, but it seems like a lot's going on. A lot of things >> important to emphasize, yeah, what I meant in the title, Hashem did not make a miracle in Iran, he did something much bigger, is that we have to realize the greatness what happened here. And the way to to explain it maybe is the Rambam says that the only holiday that won't be obliterated when Messiah comes is Purim. Interesting. That's what the Rambam says at the end of Hilchos Megillah. That you may have Purim Lo Yavur even when Messiah comes. All the Yomim Tovim Kol Hamoadim Batelim. The Rambam took it from a Midrash called Midrash Mishlei. Now, what does this mean? Why? Pesach, Shavuos, Sukkos, Chanukah, what is a great one? Great holidays. The answer is all of these holidays were miraculous revelations from Hashem. The only one that was completely natural was Purim. If the New York Times recorded the story of Purim, they would say it was all nature. Achashveirosh got drunk. He killed his wife. He made a beauty contest. There was an assassination attempt. Haman was an anti-Semite. Esther was a sly, shrewd woman who put Haman's ego against her his her husband's paranoia and she got them both in her in her loop. She had them both wrapped around her her hand and therefore she managed to execute Haman. It was just a brilliant political, strategic, psychological maneuvering from Esther. That's how you can explain the Purim story to the point that it's the only book in Tanakh that doesn't have Hashem's name even once. They couldn't fargin. Everybody knows what fargin is. They couldn't fargin the Ribbono shel Olam one mention in the Megillah. One mention. Just say the Jews said, "Thank you, HASHEM. THANK YOU, HASHEM." THAT'S IT. THREE WORDS. HODU LASHEM. NOT ONCE. WHAT HAPPENED? THE answer is the uniqueness of Purim is that it all looks like nature. And yet it was all Einai Moda'i because if you look at the events, it took 12 years. The Megillah didn't take 20 minutes like we read it in 20 minutes. It took 12 years. We just don't read the Megillah for 12 years cuz people are hungry at the end of Taanis Esther. So, we do it in 25 minutes. But, it took 12 years. If you look at every event in an isolated way, it looks like nature. But, if you put it all together, you're like, "OMG." And I don't mean "Oh my Google." OMG, this is crazy. From the beginning till the end, it was all one large tapestry, a mosaic that the creator of the world weaves together in order to save the Jewish people. Of course, Esther, yeah, she was Jewish. Vashti was killed. You look at everything together. That's why Purim won't be nullified when Messiah comes. You know why? Cuz what's going to be when Messiah comes? We're going to look at nature and we're going to say, "OMG." Today, you wait for miracles. The chiddush of Messiah is suddenly you're going to see that all of nature is Einai Moda'i. Every breath I take, every move I make, every word I utter, the oxygen I inhale, the fact that I could walk on the ground, everything is purely miraculous. Everything. Every moment is a miracle. Every moment is Hashem's energy manifested and cruising and flowing through my veins, through my neurons, through my atoms, through my cells. So, Purim will be able to stand up even Messiah comes cuz that's what Purim showed that all of Teva is miraculous. If you look at today's war which literally started 3 days before Purim, Shabbos Zachor. As Jewish people around the world think about the coincidence, quote unquote, as Jews are reading Shabbos Zachor thousands of years Zachor es Amalek. Lo Tishkach Dor Machos Amalek. What were the chances that that Shabbos morning as they're reading it leaders of the Jewish people in our generation this year had the zchus to literally, physically wipe out the Haman Harasha and the 10 children of Haman, the henchmen of Haman, Hamanoi that morning. And I don't think it happened because Donald Trump called up Bibi Netanyahu and he said, "Bibi, you know it's Shabbos Zachor and I hear that in shuls they're going to be reading Zachor Amalek. Al Tishkach. And therefore, we should send the Israeli pilots that morning." Mamish days before Purim. And it continues. And if you look at every isolated event, as you said before, it seems natural. Israel has amazing cybersecurity. Israel, baruch Hashem, has an amazing Mossad. Israel, baruch Hashem, has an amazing air force. Israel, baruch Hashem, has amazing Iron Domes and Kela David and receptors and an army, etc. And Donald Trump and America's a superpower and Donald Trump is a tough guy. And it's not so easy and you can't pressure him. AND ALL THIS TOGETHER, AMAZING, AMAZING. TRUE. If you start looking at the sequence of events, literally like Purim over the last 12 years it's astounding. Even just take one little thing. Trump was a president. He lost elections. Then he becomes a president the next elections. Those 4 years, there's two assassination attempts on him. 2024 in June. If he would have been a president, there couldn't have been that assassination attempt. Today we know the assassination attempts came from, as Trump himself said, Iran. He says, "I took him down before he took me down." In July or June 2024, he's speaking in Butler, Pennsylvania. He moves his head to the right to show a graph. The bullet is the bullet's trajectory is right into his skull. He moves his head. The bullet misses him by less than a half an inch. It grazes his ear and wounds his ear. He's saved. If his head would have been faced straight, he wouldn't be here today. Who would be in the White House today? You'll forgive me, Vashti. Vashti would be in the White House. Yeah, she even laughs like Vashti. And Israel would be facing Iran alone, alone in the world. Not only alone, the whole world condemning it. Alone in the world. He moved his head and that's where we are today. Just look at that event alone. You say, "Okay, IT WAS LUCK." THAT and other hundreds and hundreds of 2 months later, they tried to assassinate him again. A few years ago, a president of America gave Iran fought $150 billion in cash. 150 You know what you could do with $150 billion? They prepared They wanted to prepare another Holocaust. And a few years later, the very throne of the United States of America, Achashveirosh, completely transforms the situation. For 4 years before Trump, the Achashveirosh of America, the president, was sleeping 4 years. TRUMP COMES IN, BALAYLA Nosan Nosan Melech. HE WAKES UP. THE WHOLE WORLD WAKES UP. Then you look at October 7th. You look at what happened with Putin in Ukraine. You look at what happened with Hamas, with Hezbollah, with Syria. Iran was preparing a sophisticated Holocaust. Haman needed Yom Echad, one day, because he used machetes and swords and spears and arrows. The Ayatollahs didn't say Be Yom Echad. You know what they said? Berega Echad. In one moment. A nuclear bomb, you just need one moment to wipe out 6 million Jews. And they had this tight noose around Israel with Hamas in the south, Hezbollah in the north, Syria in the north. Three regimes aimed to obliterate Israel. Hezbollah, 150,000 missiles. Under Everybody needs to understand what's happening. People don't maybe agree with what I'm going to say now, but I really believe it. Imagine if President Roosevelt would have taken down Hitler in 1938 together with Goring, Goebbels, Himmler, Eichmann, Hess, Mengele, Rosenberg and the top leaders of the SS, the Nazi Party, the Wehrmacht, the German Air Force, and then Roosevelt would conquer the skies of Germany and systematically destroy the war machine that Hitler created for 7 years from 1933 when he became chancellor. What would the world have looked like? They woke up 6 years too late after 6 million Jews were murdered. 60 million people were killed in the Second World War. 60 million souls were snuffed out. B'chasdei Hashem, with the grace of God, President Trump and Prime Minister Netanyahu woke up 6 years earlier. Because Khamenei didn't do what Hitler did not because he didn't want to. Of course, he wanted to. And he would do it. These people would do it. They don't care. They would be happy. In their mind, they're doing the will of Allah. He didn't do it because B'chasdei Hashem, he couldn't do it. So, I think we have to appreciate the fact that we are observing titanic, titanic miracles and yet completely in nature. Not just a miracle like splitting of the sea. It's almost happening all through nature. For the first time in history, America's not just supporting Israel. They're fighting a war side by side. Never happened before. All the wars Israel fought alone and there was always a question, "Will America support us? Will America help us? How much weapons will they give us? For how long? When will the pressure begin?" And here it's not just they're giving some weapons. America is bragging about the fact THAT WE ARE PARTNERS with Israel. Israel's a tiny little country the size of New Jersey, 9 million citizens. America's a superpower with 300 more than 300 million citizens. And they're boasting THAT WE ARE PARTNERS with this little tiny country to obliterate Iran. People need to understand what we are observing in front of our eyes with the difficulties and the terrible tragedies of all the souls that were killed, the precious Jews and soldiers killed in Israel in this war. And the wounded, may God give them a complete and speedy recovery. And the American soldiers who were killed. There's a lot a lot of difficulties. It's a hard hard time. It's a difficult time. But, we do need to understand that this is even bigger than a miracle. It's mamish like Purim. It looks all nature and yet it's purely, purely divine, divine on every single level. What we're seeing is Einai Moda'i in the Geulah way where nature itself is miraculous. >> [sighs] >> That's how I see it. All right. Let's go to the next live question. Very powerful. Hi, sir. How are you? And I just want to say I just want to say I think it's important. The Gemara says in Sanhedrin 93 b that that Chizkiyahu Hamalech was supposed to be Mashiach. Big kitchen has also Hiskiyahu Mashiach. You know why he wasn't? Because he was saved from Sanhedrin on the night of Pesach. 180,000 troops of Sanhedrin were wiped out through a pandemic. I don't know if it was Corona or some other pandemic. And the Jews were saved, Jerusalem was saved, and Hiskiyahu did not say shira. He did not sing. So, I think today when you see that the ballistic missiles, the nuclear facilities and plants, so many Amalekim, Hamans, resha'im wiped out and obliterated with Hamas, with Hezbollah, with Syria, every Jew should be dancing. We all need to go out of the Caleb, not be so structured to say shira, to say thanks. We are observing our generation is observing miracles similar to biblical similar to the miracles of biblical times, I'm telling you. We all ought to say a beautiful shira ongoing. And I know it's not easy times, and I know there's a lot of suffering. Of course, I know. I know there's a lot of anguish. I know very well the family just lost a son in battle in Lebanon. Moshe Yitzchak Katz, huh? A Lubavitch boy. A Lubavitch boy, Moshe Yitzchak Katz. I remember his Alter Zeide, he was named for Rabbi Morris Hecht, Moshe Hecht of the Rebbe's shliach to New Haven, the Frieder Rebbe's shliach to New Haven. Commander in Lebanon. I was listening to some of the eulogies today. It was heart-wrenching, heart-wrenching. Heart-wrenching. 22-year-old beautiful, beautiful, idealistic, powerful, loving, loving young man. And you know, this is this is these are challenging moments. And how many Jews lost their lives over the last 2 and 1/2 years? And generally, it's a time of a lot a lot of pain. And just, you know, educating children in the middle of the night running to to these mamads, it's not simple. Together with all of this, we want to keep our hearts open with all the pain and all the grief and all the gratitude and thankfulness for the fact that literally Jewish history is reaching an incredible crescendo. Okay, Rabbi YY, let's go to the next White House correspondent. Let's go. Hello, Rabbi YY. Shalom aleichem. Rabbi YY, how are you? Hodu Lashem ki tov ki le'olam chasdo. Preparing to say shira. >> Hodu Lashem ki tov ki le'olam chasdo. Indeed, and thank you so much for being such a wonderful voice of encouragement in these very exciting times as we're witnessing like miracles I've never seen before. Um, my my first question is literally about this uh the idea of shira. On the practical level, what does that look like? I think on a practical level what shira looks like is what we're doing right now. I think with ourselves and our families and our loved ones and our influence, we simply ought, like Jews in all the generations, sing and dance and express gratitude with our mouths and with our hearts and with our songs and with our hands and with our feet to the creator of the world for these stupendous stupendous miracles. Is is there anything that we should be doing more of that we perhaps haven't tapped into yet? I think that's a great question. So, I I you know, it's it I don't I don't feel like I have the the the know-how or the authority to be able to zoom in on something specific, but I will say something general. And that is I feel that this is a moment of coil doidy doific, pischili, achoysi, rayosi, aynosi, samosi. The shchina is literally pounding on the door. Open up. Open up. Open up. Crack open. Crack open. I want to point out one thing that I think people don't realize, okay? In the Megillat Atzma'ut, the Declaration of Independence of Israel 1948, they did not mention Hashem's name once. There was a debate about it, and they made a compromise to mention the words Tzur Yisrael, the rock of Israel. So, the secularists like Ben-Gurion could say it's just the rock, the stubbornness, the tenaciousness of the Jewish people, and the religious Jews could say it's Tzur Yisrael that's Hashem. But they didn't forgive Hashem even one mention in 1948. I was crying a few weeks ago. Benjamin Bibi Netanyahu made his first press conference after the war on Iran began February 28th, 2026. Shabbos Zachor Purim. Around a week later, he had a press conference. In his speech, he mentioned the shame Hashem four times. And at some point, he told the reporters, and he said these words. He said, Hakadosh Baruchu natan lanu hisdamnut. Hashem has given us a historic opportunity to settle our land, to expel our enemies, not to allow ourselves to be obliterated, not to allow ourselves to be expelled from our holy land, and we are seizing this opportunity that Hakadosh Baruchu that Hashem gave us. And I took a deep breath, and I realized, wow, we have come a long way. The Prime Minister of Israel, who's not a yeshiva bochur and doesn't put on a Rabbeinu Tam's tefillin, four times mentions Hashem's name when they were embarrassed in 1948. You know, Israeli leaders, unfortunately, unfortunately, were embarrassed to mention Hashem's name. The Arabs were never embarrassed to come with their uniform and to speak about their religion. You never heard an Israeli You almost never heard an Israeli leader mention Torah as a source for our right to Eretz Yisrael. It was always the UN and the Balfour Declaration. It had a horrible effect cuz it didn't convince anybody, but it was almost like humiliating or embarrassing for them to associate with faith and religion. You know, we're secular Democrats. And I think the Jewish people have evolved significantly. I know I know that not everybody is mamish on the same page, and I know we're still on shoyif, and I know there's differences of opinions, but I think the majority of the Jewish people have evolved in Israel and in so many other parts of the world significantly to be able to crack open and realize that this is not a regular story of a secular state with a nation that's just trying to survive and happens to have the luck to be around for a few thousand years. Lev Yisrael eru. The heart of the Jewish people is awake. It's awake. But I think even by us, all of us, I think I want to ask myself to crack open completely. It's a time to go in from galus consciousness into geulah consciousness, from a consciousness of of smallness, of pettiness, of egotism into a consciousness of redemption, of infinity, of experiencing Hashem's oneness in our nervous system. Ein od milvado. I think that is what the atmosphere, what the energy is inviting us to do. Okay, so I want to ask one final question. And um you know, we have the benefit of having a coach Menachem Shoch. Hiskiyahu Hamalech didn't have that. That's true. So, I I I want to >> [laughter] >> I want to start preface my next question by saying first that may may the Moshiach give you the correct keep on pushing this message about shira because this is the message that our generation has to hear. And ashrecha that you're on top of this. And you should you should keep on pushing this. My my final question is, and this is a question I I'm hearing from mamish like a week doesn't go by that I don't hear this question from multiple people. At what point do we start deciding that it's time to move to Eretz Yisrael? What what do we still need to be looking out for? And is it something that we need to do on an individual level? Or do we just need to wait for some kind of a mass eye-opening event that guides us there? It's a great great question, and this is a question that a lot of Jews are already asking since October 7th for good reason. I I I simply don't feel that I'm in a position to be able to give a true authoritative spiritual answer to this. Lo navi an evil ben navi ani. So, I think this is a decision that people have to make on an individual basis. It's a general question that every person has to ask themselves in good times and in bad times, why am I not in Eretz Yisrael? And everybody needs to be able to have the answer and ask themselves what does Hashem want from me and my family? And of course, you have to take into consideration your marriage, your children, their psychological state, their education, their friends, their growing up, parnassah, and all of these things. And also, a very important message is the influence a person has. Right? In other words, a person has to see their position and really ask themselves not where I even want to be, where does Hashem want me to be? So, I think that's a very very important question. What that answer for every person is, I I'm not in the position to be able to give that. And when is the time that Hashem is telling us to all move to Eretz Yisrael? I I I can't say that this is the time or it's not the time. I simply don't have that type of knowledge. I'm sorry. Good morning, good morning, Rabbi YY. Let's go to the next question. Hi, sir. Yeah, hi Rabbi Jacobson. People ask me why I'm not afraid of all the questions cuz I have a lot of problems, and I say cuz I don't have a problem saying I don't know, so I don't mind any questions. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. If you have a problem saying you don't know, it's a problem, but I don't have that issue, so. Yes, go ahead. I was going to say, you know, when do I cash in my 403 and move to I I was asking these questions cuz you you feel like Moshiach's coming. You You don't know what what point do we you know, but there is this feeling I you know, on the one hand, I do recognize the miracles, but I almost feel, you know, at the same time, I I especially with the tragedies and the attacks, you know, and I know the family of the unfortunately the guy that was just killed. Do we you know, do we should we be serious I mean, how serious should we be? I I I I don't I'm not in this Yes, I see the miracles, but I'm not into this toxic positivity and you know, just dancing around the room and I don't think it's a contradiction at all. Israel is seeing crazy miracles every single day. And yet, it's a very very serious time. And and and the Jewish people live with both. We live with both. We need to be very very cautious and present and do what we need to do bedarkei hateiva in the ways of nature to protect ourselves and our communities and our children and our schools. Of course, there's no question about that. Yeah, I keep thinking how bad is it? There's no question. It's not We're not standing in front of the sea where Moses tells us God is doing everything and you be quiet and mix out. We did not get that message from Moshe Rabbeinu, I think. Just like we are thankful for the army and for the air force and for the Mossad and for the prime minister and for the government that are literally crushing the head of the snake and we're grateful to President Trump who was God's emissary to help out Israel in this dramatic moment and we hope and pray that they don't back off and they do not they do not surrender and acquiesce. God forbid that there should be any form of victory to the Amalekites of today. Together with that, we use every single possible means in nature to do what we have to do realizing though that the orchestrator of the world has been orchestrating grand grand miracles to save the Jewish people. Oh, so So, I think both are true and I don't think they contradict each other at all. But generally, the posture in life is one to be a Jew means we live with trust. It's not easy. It's not easy, but living with trust doesn't mean I'm crazy, I'm naive, I'm stupid. Living with trust actually means I'm very realistic. Yeah, I'm trying to Because ain od milvado, this is Hashem's world. This is not Trump's world. It's not Netanyahu's world. It's not my world. It's not your world. It's God's world. It's Hashem's world. Ain od milvado. Every moment of life, every breath we take is all Hashem. There's nothing outside of Hashem. The Baal Shem Tov used to say, I love this line. Gott is alles und alles ist Gott. God is everything and everything is God. We are all manifestations of Hashem's energy. The moment we can go into that space, there's so much love, there's so much trust. But the same creator wants I should take responsibility to do what he wants me to take responsibility for. And it's all love. At the end of the day, we are being embraced every single moment because God is the source of goodness and bliss and souls are eternal and we may not understand so much of the pain. We don't have to understand. That's why surrender is so important and so blissful. I also don't understand how cells work. I don't understand how atoms work. I don't understand how DNA works. I don't understand how quantum mechanics work. I don't even know and understand the sun. So, you think I understand the creator of the sun? >> [laughter] >> After 5,000 years, we still don't understand the depth and the insane miracle called the sun and what it accomplishes. And the sun is just one little creation. So, you think we understand the creator? That's why trust comes with surrender. We surrender. We surrender to trust and we say gam ki elech begai tzalmavet lo ira ra ki ata imadi. Even as I walk through challenging situations, I don't get overwhelmed by fear because you're with me. And if I do get overwhelmed by fear, I can make space for that and tune into the part of me that's not fearful and make space for the part of me, my animal soul that is fearful. We have space for different emotions and then I could surrender into trust and surrender into love and surrender into the place where I feel the regulation that comes from a deep deep knowing that ultimately this is God's world. >> Now, this is daily work. I work on this every single day of my life. All of us have to work on this every day of my life because life is stressful and not to get confused. And together with that, we show up with presence to do what we're supposed to do. But remember, if God didn't want me to live, he doesn't have to be very dramatic. Every moment I'm being recreated. The oxygen I'm breathing in now is not mine. Nothing is ours. There's millions of decisions our brain makes every moment to keep us alive. Who does all of this? Not me. Do I know how my circuit circulatory system works? My urinary system? My digestive system? >> [laughter] >> With it's all Hashem. We do a few little things that he wants us to do and we get stressed out. >> [laughter] >> I was speaking to somebody. There was a woman a woman reached out and whatever I know this person and she's stressed. I said, "Why are you stressed?" Person they have this responsibility, that responsibility, that responsibility. I said, "You know, I want to just put something in perspective, okay? For you to be alive every moment, your brain has to make millions and millions and millions of decisions. You could look it up, but I think the brain has to make around 22 million decisions every second in order to keep you alive. Who's making those decisions? You're not even conscious of that. Hashem is doing that. Hashem asked you to do two or three things because he wants you to be a partner. You're getting stressed about that. Like there's other 22 million things you can get stressed about. So, when the moment we realize that that all of life is a miracle and we're just showing up with the best of our ability with an open heart, I think we can all calm down. Thank you. You got it? I don't know. I think Did I help you calm down? I think it's something we all have to sit with. This is something we have to sit with. Listen, this is this is the whole purpose of davening and connecting. This is it's hard. It's hard. Intuitively, we want to be in control, you know? I want to control my day. Pesach is coming. I have I have a billion things to do. Yeah, I have a billion things to do. That's true. But if I break it down, I basically have six, seven things to do and God has millions of things to do in my life and he's doing it. So, the few things just be present and show up and it's Hashem it's it's channeling Hashem's energy the way he wants you to channel it. Like let go. Let go. It's so much better. We let go. We don't have to control. We don't have to control. Don't worry. Don't worry. We don't need our egos. Our egos will bring us nowhere. Ego stands for easing God out. Let it go. Let it go. This is what I try to do. Listen, this is what I try to do. Not always successfully, but this is what I try to do. But maybe we're not going to do it right. Maybe we're going to have chametz. Maybe it's not going to be perfect. What should we do? Beautiful. That's what human beings are. Human beings, that's what That's our contribution to life that we're not God. We're not divine. We're not perfect. If Hashem wanted perfection, he had himself. He didn't need me. >> [laughter] >> If Hashem wanted perfect a perfect spouse, he had himself. Get married to yourself. What do you need me? Why did my wife marry me? Cuz she wanted somebody perfect? No. So, mechutonim, God went into a marriage with each of us cuz he wanted somebody imperfect. >> [laughter] >> He wants to see the miracle of growth, of vulnerability, of authenticity. You know it says in Medrish that teshuvah kadma l'olam. Repentance preceded creation. 1 second, why was teshuvah there before the world was created when there was no sin? Because part of creation is the inevitability that we're vulnerable, that we're frail, that we make mistakes. That is sewn into the fabric of creation. Teshuvah is the glory of of mankind. That's our glory. Growth, growth, transformation, healing. Don't be afraid of mistakes. Thank God we make mistakes. When I when I sometimes do a chuppah so and the husband breaks the glass, everybody screams mazel tov. So, I once read a vort I think from Reb Carlebach, I think so, years ago, very nice. Why do we scream mazel tov? So, he said, "We want to tell the woman something. You see this husband now under the chuppah? He looks perfect, impeccable, flawless. But sooner or later, your husband is going to start breaking things. That's what men do. And even some women do it. And when your husband starts breaking something, you have to be able to say mazel tov. Thank God I'm not married to a perfect angel. I'm married to a human being who has ups and downs, who fluctuates through life and together we create a fragment of heaven on planet Earth. The day I got engaged or that time, my brother gave me good advice. My family calls me Yoisef Yitzchak cuz that's my name. Why why is Yoisef Yitzchak? So, he said to me, "Yoisef Yitzchak, don't try to be perfect in your marriage cuz I know you. You're not going to be. You're going to make a lot of mistakes. Don't be perfect. Just be accountable." And I think that's the key difference. If we're aiming for perfection, it's going to be a disaster. Don't aim for perfection. Aim for accountability. When you make a mistake, don't run to China. Don't disassociate. Don't gaslight. Don't stonewall. I made a mistake, stay present. Be accountable. Wow. Real talk of life question. You're on. Hey Rabbi YY, thank you so much for teaching us all that you're teaching us. My question is the following. We're hearing so many baruch Hashem messages. We're feeling the Messiah is around the corner. And oftentimes we've hearing we've been waiting for this day so long. And oftentimes we hear in we hear messages that are tied with the news cycle and the news in the past or findings that we've seen. And what what happens and I I find at least for myself is all of a sudden >> [laughter] >> I stopped looking at the news for that this reason. All of a sudden the news just turns the other way. You know, okay, so Trump is now making peace with >> yeah, you right. It's all stopping. Where does my emunah go? It actually feels unfortunately sometimes like it's withering at that point. And I and I don't know what to do about that. Yeah, it's a great question. It's a great question. And that's why I think it's important to put things in context. We're not in a position, certainly I'm not in a position, and probably most of us are not in a position to be able to predict the future. And to be able to give dates, Mashiach this event happened, Mashiach is coming, you know, by sunset, or Mashiach is coming by the end of this week, or by the end of this month. Not because we don't want him to come. We pray and we daven and we hope we believe Mashiach could come every day and we hope he comes tonight, tomorrow morning latest. But we have to understand it's Hashem's world. I don't decide it. So together with our faith, we always also need to have surrender. We surrender. We are not in control. We are not God. We have to remember that. We are children of Hashem. We are creations of Hashem. We are channels for Hashem's light. As much as we appreciate our power and it's important, we also need to be able to appreciate our smallness. It comes together. It's not a contradiction. In fact, when you realize how small I am, I can actually be much more powerful because I am my own, I have nothing. What do I own? I don't own my brain, I don't own my heart, I don't own my atoms, I don't own my cells, I don't own the oxygen that I'm breathing, I don't own the water that's keeping me alive. What do I own? I own nothing, nothing. >> [laughter] >> Nothing. Even the ideas that come into my brain, they're not mine. When I realize that, I say, "So what am I?" I'm a channel. What a blessing to be a channel. Wow, thank you, Hashem. You're allowing me to be a channel for your love, for your wisdom. That's where we get our power. We get our power from surrendering our power. And when we have that clarity, you know, we stop making claims or hijacking the world from Hashem and you know, this person knows exactly what's happening and how it's going to unfold and what this prophecy means and therefore exactly then Mashiach comes and suddenly things turn around and like, "Whoops. Okay." And people get disillusioned. A lot of people get disillusioned. They're like hyped up and they're doing teshuvah because Mashiach is coming by 6:00. So if you don't ask your mother forgiveness and if you don't want to call your mother and your sister and give her back the million dollars that you stole from her and if you don't make peace with the rabbi in shul and with the gabbai in shul who didn't give you an aliyah for 4 years and you want to sue him with Harvard University together, so you better call him up before 7:00 cuz if not, you will be roasting in the eternal barbecue that's coming in the post-Mashiach and therefore and then suddenly it's it's it's it's just it's it's um there's a people may be mean well, but it's an unintentional form of arrogance. A much a much deeper and authentic way is we daven, we pray, we trust, we have faith, we surrender, we think positive, we're excited when we see great great miracles as we're seeing. Does anybody know exactly how it's going to unfold? What Trump is going to decide? Does Trump even know what Trump is going to decide? I don't know. >> [laughter] >> Beats me. I pray. Listen, the phenomena of Trump is a miracle. It's a miracle. Who would think a few years ago that a man like Donald Trump would be the president of the United States of America at such crucial times? And the way the liberal media hates his guts, that itself is a miracle to be able to see that hatred that he doesn't care about it. And the fact that he's protecting and he's standing up, that's itself it's it's divine miracle. And think about the alternatives, the sophisticated presidents of United States of America glorified by CNN and the New York Times who allowed evil to prosper and who support Hamas and support terrorism and support bloodshed and violence and Hitlers. And this this Trump is now president, so it's amazing amazing moments. And yet, And when we could surrender to that, we can just be open, be grateful for every moment and ask one question. What does Hashem want from me today, right now? How can I show up to be a channel of love, light, hope, authenticity, healing, and redemptive consciousness in my life and the world around me? You get it? Thank you. Humility, humility and surrender is a amazing skills and they bring to bliss. They bring to bliss cuz they're real. They're real. I I personally I'm not fond when people start, you know, if if you're a prophet and God sent you with a prophecy, okay. >> [laughter] >> But I don't know those people. I don't know those people. So so let's all be sensitive. All be sensitive. Now, I get very excited. They found, you know, a pirush you saw from a safer 500 years ago, Butzera. You saw that? Incredible stuff. Yeah. Huh? It's a safer written 500 years ago where the author of Shmuel he writes that Butzera is the Hormuz Straits and that's where there may be the Milchemet Acharei Hayamim. So I look at it and I'm like, "Wow, that's pretty incredible. Pretty interesting." You're certain and I certainly hope that as this whole Hormuz Straits is unfolding, we should hear the kol shofar of Mashiach. But one can't build their whole Yiddishkeit and their whole religion on that. It just does And he himself over there writes, "Fortunate is the one who knows the secrets of this pasuk." He himself writes. And then he says, "Maybe this is what it means." Even he, he was a great tzaddik. He says, "Maybe. I don't know for sure. I don't know for sure." Rebbe, well, let's go to the next question. Let's go. You're on. Hi. Um I I want to know what I can practical prac- practically do to open my heart since I am in therapy and I've been to workshops where all stays in the mind, everything still stays in the mind. Is there anything I could do on my own or with a maser? Wow. How old are you, if I may ask? 23. Did you ever feel your heart open? It's anger and madness, but except for that, wow. Psh. The first thing The first thing is I'm not laughing at you. The first thing is I want you to start I want to suggest that you listen to my shiurim. Especially my shiurim in chassidus that I give constantly on the yeshiva.net, the yeshiva.net because we actually just finished learning for Pesach a whole maamar of the Rebbe about how to get from the mind to the heart and I think you're a sensitive soul, it's going to be very helpful for you. But I want to get a little more specific here, if I may. And of course, I don't know the details of your life, so I'm just going to speak in a more general way. If it's applicable to you, amazing, and if not, I understand. First of all, I want to express empathy because this is a profound challenge that you're you're you're you're asking. I want to ask you one more question before I say what I want to say. Why do you want to get to the heart? What's bothering you if you don't get to the heart? I feel there's no energy, there's no like I live like a robot. Wow. Wow. Yeah. So I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to be vulnerable with you and vulnerable with all of our listeners in this. I suffered from this for many years myself. I'm a very sensitive person as probably a lot of people who listen to me know. I'm a very [snorts] emotional person, extremely emotional person. Um but for many years I felt like my heart was blocked. I can't say it was completely blocked, but in many many areas it was blocked. Um I grew up in an environment where the intellect was praised till the heavens. Uh learning and learning and learning more and using your head in a very powerful way, which was a blessing in many ways because it motivated me to do good things with my brain. Baruch Hashem. But it also came with a price. And the price was that the emotions were somewhat cut off. So I really relate to what you're saying. And personally in my own avodah, I have found that this is such such beautiful and holy and important work to be able to crack open our hearts. Now, what I want to say is as follows. There is a reason that we close down our hearts. I have found that in our generation, enormous amounts of people have done it. What I usually find, I'm not a therapist or a psychologist or a psychiatrist or a guru or a life coach, so I'm not speaking here from statistics and research. I'm just talking more anecdotal experience from my relationships with myself and students and friends and people I've dealt with over the years. Usually, especially sensitive people who have open hearts at a very very young age, we shut down our hearts because it's too much pain. So I'll give an example. If you or me or anybody is full of love and as you're a child, you're expressing that love and you're looking to get back that love. You're looking for people in your life who are attuned to you, who can really see you, who can really experience your emotions and mirror them back to you with real attachment and connection. But you don't get it. For whatever reason, the people may be well, may be may mean well, but they're not well, or they may mean well, but they're busy, or they may mean well, but they're stressed, or the biggest thing is nobody did it for them, so they don't know how to do it for their children or for their students. So this child, 2 years old, 3 years old, 4 years old, doesn't always understand what's happening. And it's so painful. So what what I may decide, you know what? I'm just closing this heart and I won't feel pain anymore. If you're stabbing me and my heart is open, I'm going to die. If I put a bulletproof vest on my heart, you could stab me from today till tomorrow and I'm not going to die. And we grow up and many of us grow up in Yeshivas and in systems where there's such a focus on the intellect. So, we actually very successful. You learn Gemara, Rashi, Tosfos, Maharal, Shulchan Aruch, Mishna Berurah, Rabbi Akiva Eiger, Rabbi Chaim Brisker, Shmuel, Chidushei Rabbi Shmuel, Chidushei Rabbi Nachman, Maharsha, Maharal, Rambam, Ramban, Shagas Aryeh, Nesivos, Ketzos and the fact that your heart is closed, you're a metzuyan. You're the best thing you I'm not talking about you, but I'm talking about amazing and then you get the best shidduch. You get the best shidduch. And then you think that your wife wants to hear you Chidushei Shagas Aryeh. Suddenly, you realize, you know, she's looking for a heart. So, it becomes a very, very difficult and tragic situation. So, what I want to say to all of us is as follows. Your hearts are not closed because you don't have emotions. Your hearts are probably closed because you have very, very, very deep emotions. And I think we live in a time where the Ribbono shel Olam has given our generation a lot of healing modalities to help people open their hearts. So, I know there's old conventional therapy, which may be doing very well for some of us, but there's also a lot of new stuff that you should find. Everybody should find who those who needs it need it. A good, good expert on trauma who can you trust, who understands you, who's aware of all of the gifts that Hashem has given this generation for healing because there's a lot of great things we can do to crack open our hearts and we don't have to live like robots anymore. We don't have to live like zombies. We don't have to live as dead people walking. Unfortunately, so many of us are struggling with this. You you're saying it here in public, but I heard this from many people and I know for myself. There is such deep emotion and it's waiting to come out. There's so much love waiting to come up, but we are frightened of our emotions. And so many people, even on the top leaders, teachers, you'll forgive me, I'm a little blunt, are suffering from this. They want to feel, but they can't and then so many many of us are stuck cuz we're responsible for the Messiah. We're responsible to give over the tradition, but we don't know how to give it over experientially. V'ahavta es Hashem Elokecha b'chol levavcha, b'chol nafshecha, b'chol me'odecha. What does that feel like? What does it feel like to have ecstasy from God? The Baal Shem Tov used to say that after davening, the fact that he stays alive is a miracle. >> [laughter] >> It's a miracle. Why? There was so much ecstasy. He's ready like in this week's parsha Kli Nefesh. IT'S A MIRACLE THAT HE STAYS ALIVE. And you look AT IT LIKE, "WHAT? What are you talking about? What miracle? What ecstasy? What love?" But this is Yiddishkeit, experiencing Hashem. V'yadata hayom v'hashevosa el levavecha ki Hashem Hu Elokim. And I believe this is the tremendous avodah of our generation to get into a real, full relationship with Hashem cuz this is the preparation for Geulah. What is Geulah? What does Geulah look like? What does Geulah look like? People What What does Geulah look like? Geulah means there's going to be an intimacy, a dveikus of a person with Hashem that is complete, that is holistic, that is infinitely powerful. So, this work is real, real holy spiritual work and there's a lot to be done. Don't give up on yourself. You just need to find the right person, the right people, the right support, the right help and God bless you cuz you'll be matzliach and you'll see it's a different life. Reb Zalman in Versteht sich zogt. Yeah. Any specific modalities like Specific modalities, I would discuss. You want to find a real, real good expert who knows who knows what's going on that you trust, obviously, because there's there's just a lot. There's baruch Hashem a lot of things and people have reported a lot of success in many areas. Everything has to be, but you want to do it in a way that is productive, that is meaningful, that is healthy and that is going to be integrated. So, it's very, very important to have a good support system for any modality that you choose. But there's a lot, a lot of opportunity. We don't have to be afraid to heal. We don't have to live with anguish our whole life. We don't have to. I'm telling this to everybody. I've been there. I've been on the other side. I'm not preaching to you here as some abstract theologian or lecturer or rabbi giving nice Shabbos Hagadol drasha. I've been there, done that, too. I gave I already I have given drashas on Shabbos Hagadol and Shabbos Shuva drashas. I'm not speaking from them. I'm speaking from a very deep, personal place. The Medrash has an expression. Okay, Anavei Anaveim. It's before Mordechai ben David. It's a Medrash in Yalkut Shimoni Yeshaya. Higiya zman Geulah schem. The time of redemption has arrived, also personal redemption. The time of redemption has arrived. We do not have to live with anxiety till we die, with depression till we die, with laziness till we die and like dead, numb people walking till we die. We don't have to. We can all experience T'chiyas HaMeisim before T'chiyas HaMeisim. And maybe when we do T'chiyas HaMeisim with us, it'll be hachana for the big T'chiyas HaMeisim. It's It's amazing. It's amazing times. It's also one of the miracles of our times. Thank you. Reb Shmuel Biba, Reb Shmuel hatzlacha. Hopefully, next time if Koch if they invite me back here to this program, I I hope it won't take 6 years, you'll come back and you'll tell us about how your heart is being cracked open. We would love to hear. >> Wow, we're going to reserve you for the 12th anniversary. 12th anniversary. It's like Ronald Reagan's joke. You know Ronald Reagan's joke? President Reagan, he was very funny guy. So, he was once joking about the Soviet Union. You know, this is the days, you know, the Soviet Union was still the communist superpower of Russia. So, one of his jokes was that a a fellow calls up the telephone company and he he asks if they can install a telephone in his apartment in Moscow. So, they give him an appointment in 6 years. They say, "In 6 years, January 12th, we can come install a telephone." He says, "What time?" The guy says, "What's the difference?" He says, "Cuz in the morning, the washing machine guy is coming." >> [laughter] [gasps] >> Okay, let's go to the next question. You're on. All right. Hi. I'd like to I'd like to say thank you so much for bringing up this topic about sensitivity and mentioning it. Um I want to know what could be done more to those sensitive souls, especially males, that they grow up very sensitive and it feels like a very forbidden topic and all the feelings is being pushed under the rug. And then it needs to be so much healing and so much stuff going through when it could have been done in a more natural way, especially in the heimisha Yeah. Yeah, wow. Such an important question, my dear friend. >> like for me growing up up until uh like all my life, 10 years, it was like having emotions was a bad thing. Yeah. Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. What a powerful question. You grew up in a home where emotions were a bad thing. That's true for many of us. So many of us and it's such a difficult thing. I want to just acknowledge how challenging it is. You know, we we have so many emotions and so many of you have so much love to give the world and so much love to give your family and so much love to give to other people. And yet many of us grew up feeling guilty to have an emotion. Emotions were evil. Emotions were negative. Emotions were avodah zarah. Emotions were against ratzon Hashem. Emotions kept you away from davening and learning and mitzvos and kabbalas ol malchus Shamayim and cleaning for Pesach and bedikas chametz and selling chametz and biur chametz and finishing meseches Zevachim and meseches Chullin and meseches Eruvin, yeah? Am I mechaven al emes? >> Mhm. Huh? Yeah. And we have to understand also also something so important, yeah? And this is where we need a little compassion. Very often, people who are afraid of emotions, they're afraid that their children are going to feel emotions cuz they knew that in their life if they felt emotions, it was dangerous. It was so painful. So, they want to protect their children. So, that's why they're afraid of their children's emotions. You understand? Many of them are doing it out of love because the way they survived was shutting down their emotions. Don't feel your emotions. That's how they survived. That's how they built families. That's how they were functional. That's how they made money. That's how they remained frum. And now they see their children having emotions. They're like, "OH MY GOD, MY MY SON IS COMMITTING SUICIDE. HE'S HAVING EMOTIONS. MY DAUGHTER IS MAMA'S killing herself. She's having emotions." In a funny way, they're trying to protect you. You get it? Right. So, this is where we need to be able to have compassion that most of them or at least so many I can't say most, so many of them were really trying to do the best they can with the limited tools they have. Let's face it. Your father and mother didn't have a Koch Manachem Sunday night. Emes? Yeah. When your father was your age or your zaida was your age, he couldn't come up Sunday night and talk about this. It was not even part of the vocabulary. And yet they tried hard and they built and they tried to to to to be air people. Not all of them. I know some were really really, you know, whatever. We're not going to get into it, but so many people tried hard. So, what's important now for us? Where are we? This is where you need to be able to start respecting yourself and respecting your heart and respecting your emotions and finding a support system that supports what you need and what you're at, where you're at. And there's two things I have to mention here. Number one, emotions are not embarrassing. Not only are they not embarrassing, they are the main tool that Hashem has given us to experience Hashem, to experience life, to experience Yiddishkeit, to experience Emunah, to experience Dveikus, to experience Dirah BeTachtonim, to experience the Shechinah. The Experiencing Hashem's oneness in our heart, in our gut, in our body. I said the other day in a shiur, 5 minutes this Pesach of experiencing Hashem's oneness trumps 53 years of brilliant knowledge. 5 minutes of experience. Don't be embarrassed anymore with your emotions. And surround yourself with people, listen to classes, read books, attend lectures, go to shiur and whatever it is, listen to shiurim that deal with emotions, that you can learn about your emotions, that you can express your emotions, friends or or or relationships or partners or whatever that will support this type of growth. And remember something else. And that is that you're bigger than your pain. In other words, it's important not to bury your pain and not to delegitimize your pain. But also don't think that your entire personality and is based on your pain. Your infinity is much bigger than your pain. So, don't be afraid. I was there was a there was a point in my life where I was afraid that if I let go of my pain, I'm going to become a boring person. What's What makes me interesting is my pain. And it took me a lot of work and realization to realize I'm much bigger than my pain. I need to know my pain. I need to grieve my pain. I need to be able to talk about my pain. But I don't need my pain to define me. This is true for all of us. Make space for your pain and express it when you have to, but you're much much bigger than your pain. So, realize that all the pain you experienced from shut down emotions, it doesn't capture the depth of your heart. Your heart is so much bigger than that. Start respecting it and start living it. Okay. I feel like maybe that's just for me, but I feel like the in our heimisha community, it's it's not a topic that exists and it's not something that is a lot of a lot of be spoken for some reason. You think you have leadership qualities? I'm not sure. Okay. I want to challenge you tonight, okay? Mhm. Could I? Yes. I want you should go out of Mitzrayim. So, this is what I want you to do. I want you to find a few people in your heimisha community that you know have sensitive emotions and start meeting once a week to talk about your emotions. I've been looking for that a lot. I couldn't find that so far. >> two people? I couldn't find even one. Okay. So, there's a lot of people listening here. We have almost 400 people here on the Zoom. I know there's a lot of people listening on the Yeshiva.net or on our YouTube channel. There's people who are going to hear it afterwards. If you could leave your email or your number with with the Usher Usher Partners, okay? And I'm going to ask anybody who's viewing here, where do you live? Where do you live? Which which community do you live? I live in New York. >> [laughter] >> In New York, okay. Anybody from New York, there's a couple of Jews that still live in New York, right? Or everybody's in Florida. Usher, there's still a few Jews in New York or everybody's in Lakewood and Florida. Okay, there's a few Jews living in New York. So, so I want I want whoever is talking, leave your number and I'm asking everybody who's viewing, if this is something that speaks to you, you could send an email or a text, whatever, to the Usher Partners who runs this program together with Rabbi Nachman Aaronfeld, and let's make a shidduch. And you're going to start a group >> wonderful. You're going to start a group and together you're going to go out of Mitzrayim. Wow. Say there? Yeah. And I think we'll get at least I think we'll get at least seven people tonight, but even if we get only two people, start. Maybe you'll start live. If you all live together in the same neighborhood, it could be live. If not, it could be Zoom. Whatever it is, you'll figure it out. The Yids from New York, if you want to text me at Usher Partners your email address, I can text it to those few people that are texting and they could you could start with them. >> There's already a few people. I just want to announce already a few people who texted Usher Partners that they want to join such a group. Look what happened there. And you're going to support each other. And you'll crack open your hearts together and you know what? You'll bring light to so many more people. And you could start learning together, you could farbreng together, you could talk together. You can make a shiur in Chassidus together. >> [snorts] >> Okay. >> You can even put up a Rabbi YY video on double speed and watch it together with sushi and wine and a little cheese. This is a very important topic. We might have to have a program just on understanding what's going on. I just want to add you mentioned just sitting 5 minutes and experiencing for for those for those beginners, those 5 minutes might not be the pleasant feeling pleasant feelings. You know, people might want to look for that high and the shmal. Right. Just sitting 5 minutes and experiencing whatever comes up, that's that's where it starts. Whatever comes up and it might be something you don't like. It might be something hard. It might be but that's part of starting to experience. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. I just want to announce that there's a there's a guy on the call New York that he said he's starting this group and his number is 347-891-4051 347-891-4051 and everybody feel free to text, reach out to him if you live in the New York, you know, area. You know what I mean? They should reach out to him. Okay, Rabbi YY, there's more questions. You want to stop? You want to take one more? What do you want to do, Rabbi YY? Let's take three more questions. >> Okay. Let's go to the next one. Hold on. Now now the questions get good. Now they Beautiful. Every question was a beautiful question tonight. Every question. Yeah, okay. Here we go. >> programs where people come and drink a cup and debate it, but every question here was l'inyan as they say. L'inyan, it was We're just getting warmed up now. Here we go. Amazing. I'm mute. 10:46 p.m. is when a lot of people, you know, it gets a little quiet, so people's truths come out. Hold on a second. This guy was going to one some important question. Raboisai, everything is going to change in the next few years. You're not going to recognize anything. We're all going to crack open our egos. It's going to be amazing. >> [laughter] >> Such special Jews. I love all of you. You're such There's so much love in the air. So much love in the air. Wow. Such special Jews, yeah. Everybody has so much love. Rabbi Usher, you see how much love these people have? Go. Rabbi YY, special feel. Okay, let's go. As someone who's been through severe religious, psychological, and sexual abuse, what is my role at the Seder when I'm showing up with years of unhealed betrayal, anger, hurt, loneliness? I am on a rigorous healing journey, but not yet at a point where I can safely sit with Hashem, connect to the meaning of the Seder, or even allow myself to be spiritually comforted. How do I show up to a night like that? What would What would make the night work for you emotionally? What would make it not abusive, not sinister, not harmful? What would you want to see? If you were guiding your friend, if if if Feigy, if your friend called you and said, "I went through sexual, religious abuse and I hate Pesach. Feigy, give me advice how I could go through the Seder." What advice would you give her? What would you like to see? What would make it more meaningful, more pleasant? I don't know that I would have advice to give her. I think I would just sit with her in her pain. Okay. So, that's what I want to tell you. Can you sit with yourself in the pain and sit with by the Seder and give yourself so much love just for showing up. Can you give yourself so much love? And if it's too hard, you leave the table. And generally, you could do it very brief and very short. I mentioned before that the Labavitcher Rebbe did a Seder all by himself. And others, you could do it brief and short. Remember, the mitzvah is you eat a you eat a little matzah, you eat a little maror, you drink the wine, take wine that you like, and talk about your own yearning for liberation and the steps you're going to take to go out of this confined purgatory that you were placed into. And the courage that the Jewish people had to show after 210 years of being in a house of bondage and 86 years being subjugated, abused, victims of tyrants and dictators. And on this night they're like, "No more. God, we don't belong to anybody. We belong to you." And Feigy, this is what you're going to do. And make it the most meaningful Seder because of all the pain. And don't let anybody define it for you. Don't do anybody else's Seder. Do you'll be together with Moshe Rabbeinu. So in that space, how do I show up for little children who are sitting at the Seder? >> How old are your children? The oldest is seven. So just Do you Can you just be there just open heart and love them with their cuteness and their deliciousness and just give them a kiss and make a joke with them and enjoy the eggs and whatever else you're going to eat. Can it just be simple motherly bonding and connection without any other trappings? Do you feel you can do that? To the best of my ability. As much as I can all year long. So just do that. So that's how you should show up. Just be present with an open heart. And if you need some time alone, so take that time alone. Is your husband with you on this journey? Or you're alone? Partially. Is he somebody fertile? He's He can be here more He could be supportive of you? He is as much as he can. Right. Okay, listen. You're trying hard. And you know, don't be hard on yourself. You're doing the best you can. And just like without guilt, just show up with an open heart as a mother. And take a few moments to close your eyes and say, "You know what? Wow, I know what Egypt feels like. And now I want to pray that I feel like I feel like I I want to pray that I should be able to feel what redemption looks like." You can have the most real Seder in the world cuz you know what Egypt is. Yeah. Thank you very much. Yes, it should be with hatzlacha. It should be with hatzlacha your Seder. Give yourself love, okay? Rabbi, last question of the night. Here we go. Okay, I feel it's heavy, responsible. Yeah, that's right. It's all on you. >> Um Okay, so um first this has been >> It's not after the after this we do popcorn and potato chips with Coca-Cola. It's not heavy at all, Raizy. Okay. >> There's a pop There's a popcorn party for the staff afterwards. Okay. [laughter] Um so first of all, over the past like for the past I just want to give you like feedback. Over the past week I've been doing my coffee in the morning and you know, I I watched the video that was released earlier like I think last week. Um the hot and the cold, the sweet and the bitter. So um and every morning as I sip my coffee I'm like and I make you know, I make a bracha I'm like, "Okay, whatever comes my way today is going to >> Wow. It's just going to be Yeah, that was the video I did. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for the feedback. It's a powerful insight. Yes. Um I have a It was not only I guess because it was visual, it was very powerful. Um but it was it was yeah, it took me through like the last few days I've been thinking about it. Um my question is like especially for this Yom Tov I'm so busy um doing so many physical activities like cleaning and cooking and I'm just curious like I didn't mentally and and like spiritually prepare so much for this Yom Tov and I feel like the sense of guilt about it. I did hear so much now like about being like just present and feeling Hashem and all that. Um first how do I take that guilt away? Like I didn't I I did hear Yeshiva.net Yeah, I did hear a few nice, beautiful. But I feel like throughout the Yom Tov how can I just connect when I just want to daven and just connect to the Yom Tov? What can you wrap up I guess this lecture also for everyone. Something we can take with us throughout the Yom Tov to connect when we want to feel like the real presence of what energy this Yom Tov has to bring for us. Beautiful, beautiful question. First of all, you say you didn't prepare. You started off this conversation saying that you watched the video of me talking about the spiritual significance of drinking coffee and every single morning you're thinking about that. What's a greater preparation than that? That these bitter moments, the sweet moments, the cold moments, the hot moments are all part of Shaak on the B'dvora. I think your guilt is out of place. You also said you listened to classes at the Yeshiva.net. You also said and you're here at this Zoom. So what else do you want to prepare? You want to sit 24/7 watching classes and going crazy from speakers? Don't There's no need to feel guilty. You're a wonderful, wonderful person and you're preparing according to your capacity and the most important preparation is trusting yourself, believing in yourself, and realizing that you're a chelek Eloka mimaal mamash. That's so important for all of us. The greatest preparation we can make for Pesach is realizing that God wants to redeem us. He wants to be in a relationship with you. Nirtza. He thinks that you're the greatest thing that ever happened to planet Earth. God feels that his relationship with you and with us is the greatest lottery that he ever won. Just to be able to feel that, to be able to experience that. He wants me to come out of Mitzrayim and be in a relationship with him, a relationship of oneness. So that's number one. Number two, a specific idea. I'll tell you one idea that speaks to me very much and I think about it a lot. It comes from Tanya chapter 47. The Baal Tanya, the Alter Rebbe says something very, very powerful. He says that usually Chazal didn't put mitzvahs together. Every mitzvah has its own time and its own space. But there's two mitzvahs that they bunch together and that is the mitzvah to say Shema and the mitzvah to mention Yetzias Mitzrayim every day. They put that together. In the Shema we say, "Ani Hashem Elokeichem asher hotzeisi eschem me'eretz Mitzrayim." We mention Yetzias Mitzrayim in the Shema. Why did they put it together? This is a question that the Meforshim ask. The Baal Tanya says something beautiful. He says the only way you could leave Egypt is if you really can experience Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad. Because what does it really mean to leave Mitzrayim? What does that mean? The answer is as follows. Mitzrayim represents our survival templates, our coping mechanisms. The word Mitzrayim comes from the word constraints, boundaries, confinements. Each of us lives in our own template of how we react to life. This one is a people pleaser and this one is a hater. This one is angry and this one is jealous. This one has rage and this one has animosity. This one is anxious and this one is disassociated. This one is overwhelmed and this one has social anxiety. This person is always depressed and this person is always exhausted. This person is overly social and trying to impress people and this person is completely isolated. This person has too many emotions, they're going all over the place and this person feels nothing. We all have our Mitzrayims through which we function and through which we operate and they often keep us stuck in exile for the rest of our life. How do we begin to go out of Mitzrayim? The answer is we're not forced to stay there because we also have a divine soul. We don't only have an animal consciousness that simply reacts to stimuli and builds survival templates. We also have a divine soul which is a chelek Eloka mimaal mamash. It's infinite and it has all the confidence, creativity, love, internal power, optimism, faith, hope, wisdom, curiosity, compassion like Hashem himself. But the only way I can go out of Yetzias Mitzrayim every day is when I say Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad and I choose to surrender my ego and my survival template into Hashem's embrace, then I can watch my coping mechanisms and I can choose not to be defined by them. I can choose Yetzias Mitzrayim. So if my child tells me something and I'm triggered [laughter] and I'm angry and I'm overwhelmed or my wife says something or my husband says something and I'm dysregulated and I want to respond, I want to run away, I want to implode, I want to explode which is all Mitzrayim. Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad, I can surrender into the trust of Hashem, into the embrace of the divine. I can watch my animal consciousness that's going crazy and freaking out and I could say, "I'm not stuck in Mitzrayim anymore." So I think every single one of us, every day of the year, especially on Pesach, this is a choice that we make. It's a very deep choice. We do it with compassion and gentleness. We identify all our blockages. We identify our dysregulation, our chaos, our anger, our anxiety, our disassociation, our stress, whatever we're dealing with, our pain, our grief. Identify. Don't run away from it. Have compassion for it. This is my Mitzrayim. This is what keeps me stuck in my survival template. But the fact that I can watch it means I'm not defined by it cuz I have a divine soul that is deeper and more infinite. And the more I can do this every single day, I could start making choices and say, "You know what? In my thoughts, words, and actions, I am not going to be defined by those survival templates even though I have those deep triggers. I'm going to choose to speak, I'm going to choose to think, I'm going to choose to act in a way that expresses my divine soul rather than my animal soul. And this is very very powerful, beautiful work that each of us can do constantly throughout the day. Of course, we fail, we stumble, we make mistakes, we get up and we learn from our mistakes. And this is what the Tish Mitzy I am looks like every single day of my life. I have a choice not to live and stay stuck in my survival template, but actually to choose to behave and live from an expansive space of consciousness. Beautiful. Okay, thank you so much. >> Gracie what I said? Yes, loud and clear. Wow. Okay. >> Um, I think it's going to take a lot of practice and a lot of intention and a lot of consciousness. >> this this is but this is it. This is a void this a shot. >> But I guess our brain is made of neuroplasticity, so I guess it's going to get >> Neuroplasticity A, B you have a divine soul, B this is the purpose of our creation to do this work to refine our animal soul and bring it back to Hashem's oneness. So this is holy this is this is the sacred work of serving God. What do what do you know, we we've often we make this mistake of serving God as like being a robot as like a checklist. I did Shacharit, I did tell them, I did Mincha, I learned my this, I learned my this, check check check check check check check check check. God, I want to learn Hava. Imagine if a marriage was like that. Imagine husband comes to his wife with a piece of paper. Okay, checklist. I bought my groceries, I paid your credit card car I I paid the credit card bills, I paid the mortgage. Okay, I'm done. The power of a relationship is it's not a checklist. It's not like I did it and now give me my reward. It's a relationship. It's a deep blissful relationship that is 24/7. Yet we often think that with Yiddish guide it's like a checklist, you know? God is going to punish me, God is going to reward me. Imagine a husband who tells me the reason I do what my wife asks me is because I'm afraid that if not she's going to punish me. I know there are many husbands who are frightened of their wives and I get that. But if that's what's motivating you day in day out in your marriage, it's very very sad story. So why is it that with Hashem that's how we're all living? >> [laughter] >> It's like reward punishment, reward punishment, checklist, checklist. So what really we're looking what that's that's Mitzy I am. The could be I could be completely religious, but I'm stuck in Mitzy I am cuz my relationship with Hashem is one of a checklist relationship. It's like a technical like a technocrat like a robot. As though God is interested in that. So really it's Mitzy I am. >> but the Seder night the the night yeah, when we do the Seder it's very much like that. We do certain things and we don't really there's no spirit this it looks like we're all doing just very technical things. But I really know there's a lot of cabalistic things that I don't know why we do it and what energy comes down, but like it's kind of like a checklist. We finish the Seder it's it feels like a check like a checklist on some >> So this this year let's let's make it let's challenge ourselves. Let's do it a little differently. This year try to be present with your heart and actually try to experience what you're doing. Even for 5 minutes, even for a few minutes. Actually try to experience the relationship. You think you can do that? It's hard, right? Yeah, it's hard. I want to tell you something that I said before, 5 minutes of an experiential relationship is deeper and more powerful than 50 years of knowledge that's disconnected from experience. Literally. Wow, you know, my dearest friends, it's like our hearts have been closed for so long. Wow, it's so so powerful what's happening. There's an entire generation yearning for an open heart. And we're all trying to figure out how to get there. It's like we've been doing checklists and checklists and checklists. It's like marriage is literally like everybody's with a checklist and I'm a good husband, I'm a good wife and I get all my brownie points. What does the experience of a relationship feel like? We don't know. So that's what we're literally working on, but I want to acknowledge that cuz this is what I find to be the search of our generation. And by the way, by the way, the moment all of our children and our teenagers and young men and young women and old men and old women will start experiencing the frequency of ain od milvado. We won't have to give even one more lecture. It's like duh. Duh. Ah, why didn't you tell me this is what it feels like? 5 minutes of experiencing Hashem's oneness is more powerful than any other blissful experience in the world cuz everything is fake news unless it's an extension of Hashem's oneness. So the moment you feel that it's like ah, this is Yiddish guide. Wow. But it's nobody's fault because we grew up with a disconnect. So many of us grew up with a disconnect and many of us grew up with such a disconnect [snorts] [laughter] [clears throat] that we don't even know it's a experience not understand. Don't give me speeches. I want to experience in my heart in my body in my nervous system. The ner What does the nervous system feel like when it experiences Hashem's infinite oneness? Does anybody experience an answer to that question? If not, it's fine, but this is what we're searching for. This is what you are looking for. This is what we want to start getting to in our life. We want to remove the blockages and I know this is not easy. It's easier said than done, but this is what I feel is so vital for all of us me included. Okay, everybody, let's go to the closing segment. It's getting late. Just to let you know, a lot of people are texting. I opened the chat at the end and a lot of people are texting their emails for groups for men and women. >> See that? Zacha and everybody's writing how much they really enjoyed tonight's program. So powerful. >> And I want to tell you one of the deepest ways that people start opening up emotionally is when we could talk about what's going on without being judged. If I could sit with my wife or my wife could sit with me, you could sit with your children, you could sit with your siblings, you could sit with your therapist, you could sit with your Havruta, you could sit with your Rav, with your Mashpia, and you could spill the beans. You could say you could talk about your self-consciousness, about your fear, about your anxiety, about your taivas, about your addictions, about your tzuris, about your struggles, about your downfalls, about your your your your ego, your your dreams, whatever it is. Honest, your pain, your disappointments. And people look at you and they don't throw rocks at you. They look at you. Oh wow, it's so nice to be honest. Wow, we could be authentic. Wow, WE CAN BE HUMAN. WOW, we could be vulnerable. Wow. Wow, we can have real friends. A whole generation have forgot about that. Everybody I'm showbiz showbiz shidduchim. Everybody's busy with shidduchim. What shidduchim? Shidduchim that they should continue to fake it for the whole world? Who's going to stop faking it at what point? Fake it until you make it. What do you mean? You keep on faking it. So, fake it till you make it is one of the most disasterous statements when it comes in the context of let everybody stay shut down forever because we have a beautiful world. Fake it till you make it. And with that line, we keep everybody in prison forever. Fake it. Fake it. Fake it. Fake it. Fake it. And I'm telling you, you don't have to fake it anymore. You don't have to fake it. Let it go. Nobody has to fake it. You can expect more of yourself. You are not such small people that you have to fake it. You don't have to fake it. I guarantee you, open your heart, you have so much authenticity in your heart. Just like you have other stuff in your heart. All right, well, let's let's go to the closing part. Here we go. So, first of all, subscribe to Rabbi YY coming on the air of Pesach. Should I give a kiss for the item? Rabbi YY, we need you on every Sunday night. Okay? Every Sunday [clears throat] night 9:30 >> 6 years, 12th anniversary. From 6 years, you already went down. 6 years as I >> [laughter] >> March 29th, 2032. Like, you know, and also they're going to be coming for the washing machine at the same time. Okay, I also need a washing machine, yeah. And thank you. Thank you. We have a lot of programs coming up. April 12th, Rabbi Simcha Ginsburg. April 19th, Rabbi Shay Schachter. We have a bunch of people lined up. So, please join us. It'll be very powerful stuff. Everything is recorded at menachembegin.com. If anybody has any questions, please email [email protected]. This show will also be available at yeshiva.net and the YouTubes and the Spotifys. Here tonight show on the phone show 266. The phone number will be 732-305-9011. Thank you to all the advertising sponsors Lakewood Scoop here in Lakewood Daily in Era 5 Towns Central. Highly recommend from JCN. >> [clears throat] >> And uh we're going to go now to the final part of the show. Um I'll I'll close followed by Menachem and Rabbi YY Rabbi YY. So, just want to end off with this Pesach. 6 years is a long time. And uh baruch Hashem, we've we've learned a lot over here. We've spoken a lot. And uh it's coming Pesach. This is the time that we, you know, all the shiurim that we listen to and all the self-help it's time to put into practice. Time to time to enjoy the family. Time to enjoy ourselves. Work on our middos. And be real like Rabbi YY is saying tonight. Really really awesome time. You have to feel that we're not in the mitzrayim of of our machshavos and feelings. Shut down. Feel in touch with our emotions. And connect with ourselves. And really really let's step into the world. Let's enjoy it. With the with the good, the bad, with the maror, with the charoses, with the with the matzah, the good, the bad, everything together. And let's really really enjoy it. And again, thank you so much Rabbi YY for coming on. And really bring up very important topics. Coach Menachem. Shkoyach. So, first of all, we started off with being grateful of what's going on. Gratitude is also an emotion. And uh it starts over there to feel. And what I want to say is it's a different language what we experienced tonight. Um a lot of you felt it. A lot of you I I would even ask everybody, stop for a moment now and see what you're feeling now. It's just taking a deep breath and realizing, wow, that feeling. That's the an emotion. By slowing down. But, it's a different language. Like we heard Rabbi YY was saying, we have a language of logic which we all most of us. That's amazing we can talk back and forth. But, when we stop that's when the fear comes up. We don't want to stop talking. But, emotions are not words. Emotions are when you're quiet. That's when things come up. That's when you can experience. And hopefully we can go out of mitzrayim. If you can like we heard, 5 minutes. Try being 5 minutes quiet and just being in the moment. And again, might not be the best feeling. Things you might realize. Things you don't like. And asking yourself questions. But, this is where it starts. You're starting to notice and to observe. And lastly, I want to mention that it's not easy for everyone. It's a journey. The first step is try to find one person you can talk to. One person you feel safe. Because there's a reason like we heard that we're shut down. And it's not going to be that easy. But, Hashem should help us all. But, if to first find one person you feel safe, start the the process. He might not be the right one. He might have to look for another one. And this is how it goes. But, don't stay at home with what you're going through. Try to find someone. Or you open up a little bit. And then you start the journey. And Hashem should help us all. We should go out of mitzrayim. We should be able to experience the avishter. And with that, we'll be zocheh to be to the yeshuas Hashem and the geulah shleimah b'mheira b'yamenu. Amen. Amen. Rabbi YY Jacobson. Closing words. Yes. I just want to give a piece of advice and perspective that has helped me personally in my life. And I hope Hashem can help you as well. In order to go out of mitzrayim, we also have [snorts] to go into mitzrayim. If I'm not inside of mitzrayim I can't leave mitzrayim. A therapist once told me a great line. He said, "People want to let go of things." He said, "I told somebody, if you want to let go of it, you first have to hold it." If I'm not holding the cup, I can't let go of the cup. Sometimes we're so afraid of holding on to it. But, if we don't hold on to it, we can't let it go. So, I want [snorts] to tell you this incredible insight of the Baal Shem Tov about Pesach. It says in parshas Beshalach, Moshe told the Jewish people kasher is as mitzrayim hayom lo sesifu l'rosam od ad olam. As you see the Egyptians today, you will never see them again. And the question is why does he have to mention as you see them today, you'll never see them again. You'll never see them again. And the Baal Shem Tov says these words. Only because you are ready to look at them today will you not have to look at them ever again. But, if you're not ready to look at them today you will always see them again and again and again. We are so afraid of looking at our parts that are challenging and difficult. You don't have to be afraid. If you want to go out of mitzrayim, go into mitzrayim. What that means in a practical way is during the seder during Pesach, tonight, tomorrow night, b'dikas chametz, chol hamoed, achron shel Pesach, middle of the seder, whenever it is. Things are happening around the table. You're being triggered. And suddenly, your insecurity is coming out. Your anger is coming out. You want to scream. You want to run. You want to implode. You want to explode. You're over Whatever it is. Nothing is going the way you wanted it to go. You're tired. You're in despair. This whole thing is not talking to you. Like, ugh. You're angry at your family, at your mother, your father, your husband, your wife, your kids, your inner clock, the system, the hotel, the food, the program, the chametz, the matzah, Hashem, whoever, Netanyahu, Trump. You're angry at the world. Your shviger, whatever it is. Okay. Look at it. Look at it. Don't repress it. Don't disassociate. Look at your mitzrayim. Look at it. Breathe and look at it. Watch it with gentleness and compassion. Don't judge it. Don't explain it. Don't argue with it. Just look at what your mitzrayim looks like. Look at it. Watch it with softness, with compassion. And watch something else that you are watching it, which means you are not it. The fact that you can see that you're disregulated, the fact that you can see you're anxious means you're not the anxiety. You're observing the anxiety. There's a separate nation there. And the more you do that you'll start seeing that I am not the anxiety. I am not the depression. I am not the anger. I'm watching the hundred little kids in my sandbox playing around screaming. But, I am not that. And then you could start making choices with which part you want to identify with. Which part do you want to express with your words, with your actions? Do I now want to tell something to my wife that will connect us? Or do I want to say something to my wife to tell her off? And it's going to disconnect us. The more we can observe our mitzrayim >> [snorts] >> the more we can let go of it. When you hold on to it you can also let go of it. Don't be afraid of holding on to your stuff because only then can you let go. So, I want to bless all of us. The journey towards redemption begins by staring mitzrayim in the eyes. Don't be afraid. Look at it. You're bigger than Parai. You're stronger than Parai. You're more powerful than Parai because Hashem is bigger than Parai and you are a piece of Hashem. So, you could look at your pieces with gentleness. >> [snorts] >> And then begin to disentangle yourself from them. And choose words actions, and thoughts that manifest your yearning for redemption even when the little kids in my sandbox are still busy screaming and fighting. Learning this itself, what I've just said I find to be a very powerful tool in our redemptive journey. And may it be with tremendous tremendous hatzlacha. Sending you all my deep love, blessings, love for being Jews, for being part of this incredible people, for showing up with our checklists. >> [snorts] >> Amazing. You're showing up with checklists for 3,000 years. And now, let's open our hearts and dance to redemption. Thank you. Good Yom Tov. Amen. Yom Tov and have a kosher Pesach. See you after Pesach. Take care. Thank you everyone. We We all love you. Take care. Good night.