How to Remain Objective When Dating - Rabbi Yitzchak Botton

[Music] when talking about getting married this is what to avoid and unfortunately you see this happen too often you hear about a person you're anxious you jump in you met or you know you met a few times and certainly when you meet you are going to be influenced by what you see you know pretty woman you know a very big challenge on a person hence the man is a challenge on the woman as well you're also anxious to become married so you want to see everything perfect so what a person sometimes does it he he lies to himself he just is living in denial he ignores the clear signs in front of him and gets himself in into situation a little bit too difficult to handle the longer you go out with a person the more drama there becomes the more of unfortunate sometimes even in resulting like a soap opera out of your dating the longer you are involved the more attached you become the harder it is to pull away and what some people try to do is ignore the signs of trouble in the beginning and it only makes it more difficult later and some people just don't have the inner resolve to say no when the other person is so strongly for and you end up really it's a squeeze so how do we avoid that squeeze you know it's funny imagine you running a company and a guy comes to interview for your management position and he hands you a blank resume what's your qualifications at the moment I'm undecided on qualification I have none but I promise you I'll be an amazing manager and he's got blue eyes or she's got blue eyes and nice smiling like okay I guess you'll probably be great than you heart you're going to hire that person absolutely not when you're deciding to marry somebody a part of it is a business interview has to be practical you have to be you know yesterday series have to be cutthroat so to speak if that person is going to not be compatible with you you have to recognize it and say this is not the person for me but instead we are so much too much involved in meeting having the time getting the chemistry going well let me give you a secret boy-girl chemistry that's the estimate the Mattocks there's going to be chemistry with everyone almost you know there is I did having to take a tangent about point one minute because she's not for you he's not for you but when it's a nice person and they're both nice and they're both charming and and then everybody is for everybody so you can't just say I'm then I feel the connection I feel the chemistry because that's going to be there in many cases so you have to be objective and the time to be objective is the first few days before you get emotionally invested and so the real realize who you're looking at and be objective and main key to to avoiding this pitfall in getting attached to the wrong person is speak with someone else about it speak with a rabbi speak with an older brother an older sister speak with a parent speak with someone that you that cares about you and that is not going to be biased and and having a jet objective in giving you advice but give it pure good advice because they care about you and that is a must a must invading is to have someone that you can go to to get a to get a good picture what's really going on you're in the movie in the movie it's hard to see what's happening you have to step out by talking to someone else was not ended in the scene and he'll tell you objectively what's what's at the bottom line if this person is good for you or not good for you and now of course there has to be a balance and you have to also trust a little bit of your instincts but again not recklessly at the point is yours we have to know not to be reckless about our pursuit for a spouse because if you hide from the responsibilities in the dating process you're only going to suffer later either you'll suffer from a very straining draining dating process and you might still at least avoid getting married or much worse get married to the wrong person and that's when nobody wants that so be practical be smart keep your head on your shoulders and seek the proper advice that's my advice you