How to relieve inner tention (and live your best self)

that behavioral shift is going to break the cycle and get you to spiral rather than cycle Cycles is just repetitive and life gets monotonous life gets boring and then we end up hating it but the moment we do something differently we step aside it's no longer a cycle it's a spiral I'd like to start off with a story this is one of those stories where I already started so it's too late there's no going back but maybe I shouldn't be sharing because I'm going to get myself out of a job too late right about 10 years ago I found myself in Brooklyn New York I was working as a dorm counselor in yiva big bucks right and I I'm 21 years old and I'm responsible for a bunch of 18 19 year olds 16 year olds 17 year olds and one day there was two of us Double Trouble one day the ISA was going on a shabbaton getaway weekend to Morristown New Jersey and my other buddy who was working as my co- dorm counselor was going to be going with them which means I have the shabus off I get to do what I want I get to to stay home and be away from that responsibility I was looking forward to that um this was a summer shabas so it was rather late so there was a lot of time it's about 1 2 o' in the afternoon and I see my co- dorm counselor in the dormatory he's in bed I said what's going on he says I'm not feeling well and the first thing that rushes to my mind is oh who's taking you over he says I don't know and I'm thinking that that means it's probably me so you know what you do when you have a responsibility but you weren't formally asked to take that responsibility you avoid right make sure the principal doesn't see you because of if he sees me he's going to ask me and I'm going to have to take on that responsibility but if he doesn't see me and he doesn't ask me never going to happen we're going to be okay so I'm in Yeshiva I have to get something I see the Russ Yeshiva coming the the the principal coming and I'm like okay hide the corner I can't get around so I just walk past him don't make eye contact don't make eye contact don't make eye contact I I passed by yes made it I made it clear I'm in the clear I'm good for shabas he have to figure it out and then I hear my name being called Josh oh gosh I turn around yes Rabbi how can I help you he says your buddy is sick unfortunately he's not going to make it to the shabbaton we're just leaving in a couple of hours can you fill his place can you take him over and be with all these young boys for shabus be The Chaperone and I'm feeling very conflicted inside because I don't want to do this it is the responsible thing to do I looked at him I said if if you want me to I will come this man was a brilliant educator because you know what he says to me he says I don't want you to come I want you to want to come why don't you get back to me in an hour right he bounced the ball back in my court I will never forget that line I don't want you to come I want you to want to come I ended up coming and not wanting to be I'm by the way these are the people watching your kids so be careful when you send them to Yeshiva like the guys running away from from responsibility this was a brilliant uh teachable moment that I will remember for the rest of my life because in our lives we have responsibilities we have those things we know we should be doing we have our ideal selves and then we have where we want what we want to be doing and if msia were here or if we were tadim these two spaces in our existence would be very much aligned and we'd feel great about ourselves but that's not the reality the reality is we have an inter tension very often in life between what we want and what we should be doing what our responsibilities are I'll tell you a great story in the year shich known as the rashab found himself in Austria and he was Ill so he went through the this is the way the story is recorded when I read the original he went to the famous Professor of Vienna who was the famous Professor of Vienna in 1906 anybody know if you do know you can put it on the comment section it was Sigman Freud he goes to Sigman Freud for treatment it's unclear what type of treatment or health issues they were Sigman Freud is the father of psychology I don't know if he was formerly practicing psychology he was a neurologist and had other medical skill sets and I don't know if Psychology was fully developed at this point Sigman is interviewing is interviewing him and asking him about what his day is like what his schedule is like and apparently a big chunk of his schedule was dedicated to learning to learning kic teaching it was dedicated to teaching and Freud was Jewish Freud was not exposed to the world ofus he wasn't exposed to the world of the BM toen to the approach of joy um Judaism with a smile and Judaism with heart and soul if he was maybe he wouldn't have left there's an article about that Freud had written describing how he worked so hard to escape his Judaism and he says at the end of the day I feel so Jewish there's nothing I can do about it he says I don't know what's going on here um but Freud says I've never been exposed to this part of Judaism he says what is it and the re rashab sees over here a golden opportunity to share what is is from the P like with an elevator pitch you know you can't you can't give a whole sheer you can't give a whole class and it's it's deep and it's but he had to condense what the main point is in a way that's going to be meaningful to Sigman Freud the what did the ever tell him he says our mind wants to do what is correct our heart wants to do what is comfortable they're pulling us in separate directions andus is a method ology by which we can align the heart and mind so that our heart which is our passion is pulling us in the direction of that which is true and our mind which is just the raw truth is following or leading the the our passions right aligning the two aligning that inner tension Freud says to him impossible the mind and heart are two separate things you cannot unite them they're two different worlds to which the re rashab responded Yes they are two different worlds and we have the opportunity and the responsibility to bridge them I don't know what Freud was thinking like just you're just going to suffer with tension for the rest of your life I don't I I don't know I don't know what he um it could be for that reason a lot of Freud's um although Freud is the father of psychology in practice um many of his theories are are outdated and rejected the Reb shab told him we it's our responsib ability to bridge the mind and heart to bridge these two worlds and if we cannot Bridge them at least have a telephone wire where there can be some sort of communication this was 1906 it was the late 1800s when Alexander granell had came out with a telephone um most people probably didn't have telephones because here you're going to call right but the concept served as a powerful message but what we see here again is this tension and we all face this tension unless you're a perfect we all face this tension between uh this gap between how I feel my comfort zone and where I should be my ideal self right my mind and my heart or my body and my soul however you want to articulate it right but but there is some sort of internal Gap and internal tension and it you know it's tough it's tough for those of you who have young children I I have young children right but and whenever I talk about parenting I I not talk about parenting we just talk you know whenever it comes up all the parents with older children say just wait man you think it's getting easier um but I think of that as an example it requires a lot of patience right that's not where our heart always is because life gets busy and it's tough and you lose patience right but that's where our mind is we know that that's the right thing to do right I'm just using that as an example right we that apply in our marriage it could apply in many many different ways um I know I should be more respectful to my spouse that's not the comfortable thing to do that requires humility I don't want to submit my heart but how can I align my heart and my mind I want you to take a moment and think about one area in your life where you're feeling this inner tension you don't need to share it this is private this is just between you and God think about One Moment One area in life and I'm sure we all have many areas in life where we have this inter tension um think of one identify one area in life where we experience an inter tension between what should and what is right how I what I know and how I feel identify one area and again you don't need to put this on the chat I don't need to know about it it's just for you to know about what I do want to know if you're comfortable sharing you could share it anonymously via the Q&A if you'd like describe how that tension leaves you feeling with just one or two words keep it simple with one or two words describe how that tension leaves you feeling so identify one area in life where you're experiencing that inner tension that gap between the mind and heart or the body and soul and describe what that tension feels like with one or two words um once you just once you identify what that tension feels like I'd appreciate it if you can put it um either in the chat box or in the Q&A whichever you're more comfortable with I see over here hopeless that's a great description right anyone else any other descriptions one or two word description how does that tension leave us feeling and again if you want to do it in the Q&A lost okay good wandering okay one of my favorite analogies is the rubber band analogy anybody familiar with the rubber band analogy I was giving a class on a presentation on this six years ago and I was bringing up the rubber band analogy and I'm like I wish I had a rubber band to actually show you and one lady in the class says I have a rubber band and she pulls out a rubber band from her purse like that's awesome half rubber band will travel um so imagine you have a rubber band right and one end of the rubber band represents the ideal your ideal self the truth that you know the other side represents your feelings right your internal self your external self the ultimate truth but what is and the more I act on what I feel the more tension I'm going to experience because that truth is gnawing at me right the rubber band's being pulled okay so you'll say well then just do the right thing I'm also going to feel tension right what I need to do is get the entire rubber band to shift to realign to recalibrate inside right let's see I see another description over here sad and lonely that's a great description hopeless lost wandering now let me ask you aggravated okay good right it feels aggravating to experience that type of tension very good now I want you to think about what might happen if tomorrow morning you woke up and a irle happened mhia was here dream big a miracle happened and this tension is no longer there you no longer experience this tension you're aligned the truth that you know in your mind for some reason my heart is just going along with it I'm not even surpressing my heart my heart is going along with it I bought in what is the first thing you would notice one or two words and please try to be as specific as possible so you wake up tomorrow morning and I'm a different person because that tension is gone which means I'm realigned what is the first thing about yourself you're going to notice and if you could please feel comfortable sharing either publicly or anonymously with one or two words what is the first thing you're going to notice were this tension to have been resolved right I wake up in the morning and I'm like my mind and heart are just on the same page I'm passionate about the my responsibilities I don't I don't resent my responsibilities the first thing you're going to notice about yourself it's most likely a feeling right how would you describe that feeling weightless and oriented I love that right you're going to feel peaceful great you're going to feel inner peace you're going to feel certain weight lifted off of you and like you can just move right the depressive feeling and I use the word depression in the literal sense of the word that feeling of Something's holding me down and crunching me is gone I'm going to feel more weightless I'm going to feel peaceful feeling lighter clearer at ease okay these are all wonderful descriptions okay we feel aligned purposeful I feel that my potential has been tapped into okay these are excellent descriptions okay this is where we're heading towards right we've just identified a goal we want to feel more purposeful more aligned we don't want life Weighing on us we want to be passionate about life we want life we want to be we want to buy in and what we need to do and what I'm hoping to share with you are some tools on how to recalibrate how to get our heart in the right space I'm going to share with you a word that may be triggering to some of us and I'm doing that not for the purpose of triggering you but for the purpose of hopefully tearing down a preconceived notion in rebuilding and that's the word tshua people like to preach tsha especially during El right what is tsha become better person I read a teaching from the Al and he says something fascinating he says how could you do tshua return to God aren't you already connected with God tshua means return to God well I am connected with God didn't you tell me I have a soul that's within me and that I'm so he says what what what is tshua then it's returning to yourself it's that recalibration that we're talking about putting ourselves in the right space which suggests by the way that the emotional Gap that we're experiencing that tension is real from the perspective of our emotions but deep down inside it's not it doesn't have to be there perceptually it's there in reality it isn't there and if we could learn to recalibrate we could just align ourselves everything get like fit into fit fit into place and he he shares in this teaching a beautiful analogy it's one of my favorite analogies so I use it and abuse it because I just love it he says how many hours a day is the sun shining for trick question how many of you are thinking 12 hours a day the sun is shining for 12 for 24 hours to day the sh the sun is always shining at nighttime you won't see the sun shining but that does that mean it's not shining anymore the sun is always shining at night time we won't see the sun shining he says your soul is always shining your Lifeline your connection to God your connection to the infinite your potential your most ideal self that you believe in is shining all the time it's there at sometimes it gets dark it's nighttime and at night time you could still see the Sun but it's reflected on the moon now what happens if I don't see the sun being reflected on the moon does that mean the sun went away does that mean the moon went away just means the Moon is in the wrong space the moon has to orbit to the right space it will finally reflect the light of the sun our heart has to move to the right space and it will finally reflect the light of the soul but to do that you have to believe that that soul is there or I heard from um there was a famed mashia educator his name is kelman this guy was a he he started as a teacher in the original kadiva in the 20s the 1920s not the 2020s um and he was known I I was reading a biography about him he was known as like a just loved everybody he really just loved everybody cared about every single student and he used to tell students that we need to think about where where I need to be where I could be where I am and try to close the gaps between these where I need to be I mean that's pretty ambitious but dream big then be honest with myself where could I be today or tomorrow and how am I going to close that Gap how am I going to recalibrate how am I going to put my heart in the same space as my soul by the way you'll love this the wordun which we use to mean Faith right just have faith okay great what does that mean what do I do just believe well how do I do that the word imuna comes from the Hebrew word Amon Oman which means to train it takes training it takes work the calibration takes work um it takes identifying that that soul is there which by the way I I whenever people talk about the soul I I get like okay here we go again right cliche words that don't mean anything what is a soul because to me when I hear the word soul I think of Casper the Friendly Ghost and that doesn't help me what what is a soul I don't know there's like this thing floating around me and somehow if I can identify it it's going to make me a better person because of a it just sounds so fake I was listening to a speaker a couple a little while ago and he said something beautiful and what he said I'm not criticizing him or critiquing him I'm just critiquing my own understanding he said that as a speaker you have to be careful not to let it get to your head right especially if you're successful and he says I had to get to myself to this place where I don't need people's validity I'm essentially valid because I have a soul that is united with God and and that meditation helped him I'm not critiquing him but I am critiquing myself to me what would that mean to ourselves what would that mean if I wanted to be more friendly with My Soul what would that mean what is this Soul it's an aama it's a breath of God okay great but what does that mean these are all just physical descriptions of something that we're supposed to be best friends with or comfortable with and consistent with and we what is it okay welcome to my head spinning from the [Laughter] inside I want to share with you just a couple of descriptions because I think this will help us unpack where we're trying to get um back going back to our descriptions our Dream right if we woke up tomorrow and a miracle happened and and the tension was gone we'd feel more peaceful but that's going to result from the soul we'd feel more aligned purposeful we' feel like we tapped into our potential I'm just rereading the comments right we'd feel lighter clearer at ease to me these are things that would flow from being more comfortable with the soul but what is the soul one description from the soul and I go back to the earliest description of the soul that I could think of or one of the earliest ones which was from King Solomon in the Book of Proverbs in the book of Mishay Mish is an interesting book by the way interesting book in the Bible because there's no story line it's just like just like uh inspiring bumper stickers um but it it's but there is a lot to unpack and he says the candle of a of AEM is the soul of a person a soul is like a flame a soul is like a flame why is a soul like a flame because it's flickering it's trying to get us somewhere there's somewhere we want to be there somewhere we feel like we should be right that's what the flame says you light a candle and it lickers and that flame is essentially saying hey I shouldn't be here I should be there the soul is trying to get us to go somewhere and by the way where it's trying to get us might be uncomfortable for our heart we got to get our heart to buy in which we'll talk about soon you know what else a flame does it gives light Clarity the soul is Clarity if I felt more comfortable with My Soul maybe I'd have more clarity one of the descriptions I had read from the laure about what the soul is and he was describing this in in context of just in general life and death the soul is the part of you that's Eternal the body evolves even our heart and mind evolves right but there is a part of you that is very stable very stable part of you that just doesn't there there if we dig deep down inside and we'll talk about how to do that in a moment just don't worry um you'll find a part of you the part of you that is most stable the most stable part of you another way to put soul and again I'm just trying to put different language to something we already know about because I think it will make it more meaningful the part of you that is most excited what drives you what get what what gets you going what gets you out of bed in the morning if it's the iced coffee I'm just being a little vulnerable here with whipped cream and a ton of Sugar Man uh you can't start your day without iced coffee and whipped cream and sugar um that might be the animal soul but it is a part of your soul right that's what you're excited about seven layer cake right um if it's the wisdom you're going to learn the Torah you're going to learn the connection you're going to have through doing the relationships you're going to work on right that might be your Divine soul that might be your Godly soul but your soul is the part of you that is just excited that motivates you I give a class once a week at a uh laboratory in the neighborhood in our neighborhood National Laboratory it's a laboratory where they do a lot of research for weapons and for defense for the military a lot of scientists ton of Jewish scientists the laboratory itself has 8,000 employees so it's like its own compound it's its own City and it's maximum security you have to have a badge and there's Soldier there with a machine gun checking you in and and I I was I had the wonderful privilege I have the wonderful privilege to go there once a week and connect with some of the Jewish employees and I've been meeting Jewish employees from very diverse backgrounds and there's this one fellow he's one of the oldest employees at the labs he probably in his 90s and he started getting involved in his Judaism coming through this class for the first time in in about 80 years he grew up in Texas and went to a Jewish school went toer didn't like it ran away rebelled ended up marrying out of the faith and now for the first time in about 80 75 80 years he's kind of reconnecting and he says to me you know he lives in our area which is not very vibrant it's not a very vibrant Jewish community and he says Rabbi Josh I have a question for you how's Judaism doing in America he's checking in how how's Judaism doing in America I said what do you mean how many people are rekindling their passion and how many people are leaving the fold I said I don't have any data for you but what I do what I could tell you is that it's more accessible than it ever has been the ability to release that tension relieve that tension and learn about our soul is more accessible than it ever has been in history in the history of creation the history of Judaism and he says to me why I said 'what do you mean so why would anybody want it why would anybody want to do this I said I don't I don't know that's a good question in some cases it's easier just to to drop the soul and just do what's comfortable right if if you're a and I gave example I said if you're a student in Columbia University with all the anti-Semitism that's going on now isn't it easier just to to drop your Judaism and just do just do you I said you can't doesn't work the soul is has stability to it and I said what you're describing right now what you're asking is the language I use to describe the soul which he found to be very meaningful just this morning I want to share with you one last Insight on the soul because to me I I I wasn't this was off the this wasn't scripted but I found it to be very meaningful and I think you will as well I was reading I want to share with you one of my favorite books it's in Hebrew but they have English things it's called IG KES it's the personal respons again I'm not here to preach to you or sell you books and sell you Judaism right now that's not that's not the point here but but I do like to give away uh Trade Secrets once in a while um the rabbit responds to people's real personal issues it's real very often you can learn ideas in the Torah and its philosophy and you have to apply it to reality but over here the Reb is addressing real problems that people are having and this lady this young lady writes to the rebbi that she's feeling lonely in life she is wasn't yet married which was a challenge for her and she's feeling very lonely and the Reb's reply to her was you know that you have a soul which means you know you have a beautiful relationship with God you might not experience it all the time right and the Reb says as result of that you know that you have a beautiful relationship or at least the potential to have a beautiful relationship with people because that's what if if you if we felt at ease with ourselves if we felt most comfortable with our ideal self that soul and that weight was lifted it's going to get out of the way that of our relationships it's not going to gum up our relationships um you you know you have that within you you know that with that comes a sense of purpose and meaning right just these are some of the descriptions we had read before right that that with that comes a sense of purpose and meaning and a calling to life you know that you have that within you so why are you lonely why are you lost why are you by yourself then the rebba says to her you know why because you're not a sadic so you have this within you but you're not aware of it and that's not your fault right I'm not saying the expectation is to be a sadic the expectation is to be perfectly align 100% of the time we can't always do that but then the rabbit told her do me a favor and just think about this a little bit and he uses the word I'll say it in Hebrew then I'll translate his kala light thinking you don't have to go that deep think about this just lightly and you'll realize well if I have an ideal self that is at ease and that has meaning and purpose and Mission and occasionally I'm doing things that are align with that meaning and purpose and Mission just emotionally there's a little bit of a gap but behaviorally I'm there think about that and you'll start to become more comfortable with that Soul RAB ysf schneerson writes in his Talks by the way his talks are beautiful because a lot of anecdotes and stories and reminiscing about what Jewish life was like in the it's it's just interesting interesting history and he writes how used to wear their Talis and filling on before daving and a few minutes on their own unscripted without a not on a webinar not on a you know this is going back several Generations ago they would sit withis Fillin on they close their eyes they would sing a nigon they would sing a song a heartfelt song that was meaningful to them it wasn't a group thing it wasn't like okay this is the we're singing This is the song we're singing it was just just them they'd close their eyes and they would sing for a few minutes I if you try this do do me a favor guys put on your Talis and filling tomorrow morning and sing a nigan that talks to you and think about the soul think about the clarity the purpose the meaning the mission because if you do that you're slowly getting our heart to buy in our heart in you know we're slow SL getting to the Moon to reflect the Sun's light our heart to reflect the Soul's light we're going to feel it even for those few minutes maybe it won't last the whole day but try it it's incredible it's a good feeling and sometimes we're busy and we don't have time and I I get it but do yourself a favor it's it's beautiful that's the recalibration I want to share with you two practical methods where I think we can help recalibrate our souls and I'm going to ask you both two more I'm going to ask you guys two more questions we know now we don't like this tension we know what it would feel like if this tension were be were to be uh released so I want you to again you woke up tomorrow morning the tension's gone I'm feeling like I'm aligned I'm feeling like my heart's in the place where I want it to be and because of that I'm nicer to my kids because of that I'm more respectful to my wife I'm a pleasure to be around at work I'm just more easygoing I feel better about myself I feel more confident if if I was going through this what would I be doing differently what is the first thing I'd be I noticed about my behavior what would I do differently you're welcome to share this if you'd like but if you felt more align what would you do differently just thinking forward this is Forward Thinking if I was in that space I sang the nigan and I and I I I did somehow managed to align myself I don't know how I did it but I did it what would I do differently how would I act differently treat others with more respect I'd walk around more confidently by the way I I want you to know I didn't make up this question um actually got it from the Tanya I'm sorry you know what they say when you um if you steal something from one person it's plagiarism but if you steal from a lot of people it's research so this wasn't plagiarism it was research um the Tanya says I'm trying to love God I'm trying to get my place my my myself to this place where I don't have this tension where I'm just my heart is really where I want it to be and I'm flopping because I'm not there and I've even gone through some of the meditations and I've learned about what that Soul means in a language that is Meaningful to me not just cliche lingo and he says do yourself a favor I'm paraphrasing here if you did feel that love what would you do differently if you felt that love what would you do differently we have to dream big dream about that love what would I be doing differently align ourselves with our most preferred self align ourselves with our ideal self that's called the that's mesah lenses right if everything was perfect how would I feel and how would I act can't always control how I feel but I could control how I act and I'll slowly slowly through be behaviorally I will recalibrate this is true psychologically as well in the Paradigm of psychology because the moment you change your behavior you change your whole life cycle I life is in Cycles circles and the moment we do something differently it's not a circle anymore we stepped aside now it's a spiral we could go somewhere else we could go somewhere differently so if you have your ideal self your peaceful self the self that is more connected and more relationally peaceful and if you could think of I I want you to think of one thing you can do and you don't have to share it but think of one thing you can do differently to align yourself with your ideal self think of one thing you can do to align yourself with your ideal self because what I'm asserting over here and suggesting is that you're not going to just more tension now I got to do more things that I don't actually you're actually going to get yourself there behaviorally think of one thing I'm going to give you 10 seconds just to think of one thing you don't have to share it it could be private but think of one thing you can do differently to get yourself closer to your ideal self it might be respecting your alarm in the morning right it might mean I just saw something great on I think it was on LinkedIn somebody said life hack set an alarm for when to go to sleep not for when to wake up thought that was brilliant right it it might mean focus more on my relationships it might mean focus more intently on prayer and who I'm talking to for a couple of minutes I I I don't know might but something that you feel is going to get you to where you want to be because that behavioral shift is going to break the cycle and get you to spiral rather than cycle Cycles is just repetitive and life gets monotonous life gets boring and then we end up hating it but the moment we do something differently we step aside again it's no longer a cycle it's a spiral but I want to share with you one more thing okay you have your ideal self going back to some of our descriptions our ideal self means I'm at peace with myself right if I woke up morning in the morning things were different I'd treat others more respectfully I'd walk around more confidently I have a weight lifted off of me I want you to take a moment and think about that time you were most closest to your ideal self take a moment and think about that time you were recently closest to your ideal self the ideal self that you want which is being peaceful being more connected think about the most recent time no it's been too long that's okay that's okay it could have been a while ago just think think about that time you closest to your most ideal self when were you most calm most empathetic and again I'm just giving examples that might resonate when were You Most At Ease when were you most respectful to the people around you or most uh sensitive to the people around you right that ideal self that soul that we want to connect to when were you there you might not have the answer right now it might take a little bit deeper thinking than what a webinar can can allow for but if you take that for homework you got the answer what I'm trying to show you is that because you have that Soul you also have the answer within in you you've been there before you've had moments of success before and and if you believe me that you have moments of success before you'll find those moments of success and you'll be able to repeat them repeat what worked in the past something worked in the past you're still here right something worked in the past you know how I know because you want to grow which means you know what growth looks like you guys were dreaming about incredible incedible Futures which means you know what it feels like I want you to just take a moment and think about the past where you were most successful in the past feeling that goal I'm going to conclude with a story this is one of my favorite [Music] stories about 10 years ago I was working at a Yeshiva in Florida that's when I met Yehuda but he doesn't remember me um no offense take it no I'm K uh I was working at yiva in Florida for balich Chua for people that were exploring there Jewish roots many for the first time ever and there was a young fellow he was 24 years old and he had just discovered he was Jewish six months prior he was raised as a Christian he did not have he did not appreciate Christianity he had too good of a relationship with God to appreciate Christianity he left Christianity at the age of 13 he grew up in Los Angeles he was part of a Mexican gang he's been around the block he's been around town he's seen all sorts of stuff that we hope our children never have to see and that most of us probably have never seen he's really been around at 18 he decided to leave the gang he moves to Las Vegas gets his life in order and living his life as a passionate just a believer his mother was Ill unfortunately she was adopted as well and she because she was ill and thought her time was coming to an end and think God it wasn't the adoption agency decided to share with her a large packet of her genealogy and she's looking through it and her mother's Jewish her grandfather was a rabbi in Chicago her grandparents were she comes from a long lineage of Jewish people so she calls her son and says I I think we're Jewish and he's never met a Jew in his life he says what do you mean we don't have side curls and we don't have you know we've never been to Israel his only knowledge of Judaism was was like CNN once in a while which is not a good uh not a good portrayal of Judaism right she ends up connecting with a rabbi happen to be a kabad rabbi and she ends up connecting herself her son sorry with a rabbi in Vegas and there's a lot more to the story but I'm I'm going to just cut to the chase for for the purpose of this conversation I meet him the rabbi in vasari uh takes upon himself to study with this person at some point he says you should go to Yeshiva he says great what's that and he ends up going to Yeshiva and to him everything was new everything was a culture shock like why are you wearing those boxes on your head why are you pulling a scr out of the Ark why are you putting your hands in front of fire Saturday night right the havela why are you praying to a cup of wine and everything was a challenge everything was a a fight but once he bought in he was in after six months of yiva he was really passionate and excited he ended up going on Birthright went to Israel made Aliyah ends up getting married and he's living in the holy land and he's working in Tel Aviv he shows up to work at some sort of security cyber security company or or something to that effect he's in Tel and again he grew up in a Mexican gang so he has an Exquisite Stellar vocabulary if you know what I mean he's covered in tattoos at the same time he's wearing a yamaka and cus so there's this um I I hate to label people but just for the sake of the story quote unquote secular T Aviv Israel person looking him up and down and can't figure him out there's plenty of people in tattoo with tattoos in t there's plenty of people in withas in Jerusalem but what is going on here why he has both so he says to him I'm sorry to what is going on here are you religious he says no you're not religious no why are you wearing a keep andus he says I also celebrate chabis and I keep kosher and I uh you know I pray I study he says why would you do all these things why would you have to do all these things if you're not religious he says I don't have to do this I get to do this because I'm in love with God his heart and mind were aligned in that in those areas at least and there was no tension it was like this is just who I am right there's a certain confidence that comes with it when we have that alignment there's a certain you know we don't need the validation of other people the guy was like wow can we put on to fill in together that's what he says the guy goes to his car they put on to fill in together a couple okay I I haven't been in touch with this fellow in many many probably six years with the exception of once last year for about 5 10 minutes I was giving a Class A series on YouTube on the paraa and I shared this story on the YouTube class with unidentify information and with far less details that I have shared with you even now just I didn't want anybody you know I wanted to be he he wouldn't mind me sharing this story by the way but and he'd be proud because he knows it will inspire other people but I shared just a couple of lines and couple years later my buddy this guy is going through a midlife crisis unfortunately he's going through a very difficult time and I get a call from him a day after I posted this video I get a text sorry can we talk oh it's been a while not realizing I just put a video about him um be careful what you tell the rabbi because you're going to be the next C no I'm kidding no no we we always respect people's privacy um we're on the phone and he says I'm going through a midlife crisis I'm going through a very difficult time and I've fallen emotionally I'm crushed spiritually I'm going through a hard time my confidence is gone and everything is I don't know what happened to me I was never like this I've never been like this he says I don't know what to do so I just open my computer and I just I'm on YouTube and I see your video pop up and by the way I'm no Mr Beast it's not like it's not like you're bound to see my video not yet right um he says I'm watching the video and I see that you're talking about me you quoted I I just quoted that one line I said I had a friend who used to say that I'm not religious I'm in love with God he says you quoted that one line he says I knew you were talking about me and I just want to thank you because you reminded me where I used to be and you reminded me where I could be and what I hope is that we can take a moment and have the courage to think about where we used to be because we had moments of success think about where we could be and use those tools to bridge the gap that's my story and I'm stick to it