How to Recover from Pain Effectively: Parshat Vayechi - Rabbi YY Jacobson

I am very impressed with the attendance today with this weather I knew I had to come for obvious reasons but uh wow you could have sat on your couch with popcorn a hot warm home and even watch it but you're here so I'm very grateful thank you very much for everybody who made the effort cuz today finally we get to experience the beauty of New York and the ultimate reputation of global warming thank you thank you okay so welcome everybody good morning there's one source sheet it's on the beer if you didn't get it it's double-sided today's class is graciously dedicated by a dear friend Beth Goldsmith in loving memory and in tribute to the soul of her mother Al that's Al you'll be tested in tribute to her yard site on the ninth day of Tavis which is this Thursday thank you very very much for your partnership always and and may your mother be an eternal source of light blessing and inspiration and love and empowerment to you with the entire family and all of our people and may we experience I also want to dedicate the class to raisal apparel for a complete and speedy recovery a complete recovery raisal B app perel we're going to explore today with God's grace one of the oh wow okay I was right I was right welcome welcome wow straight out of the blizzard straight out of the blizzard welcome okay that's the reward you get you get to sit in the front the seats also here you could sit here in the front table even if you're sitting on the front table you could still text it's fine don't worry I don't take it personal you don't have to be embarrassed we're going to explore today a very enigmatic story in well known but still enigmatic it has many layers to it and we're going to see one of them but it really as all the stories in the Torah they're really Timeless stories because everybody every individual carries in their heart a story everybody has a story there's no person in the world there's no person in this room there's no person anywhere who's not carrying a story and uh the ability to listen to the story to understand the story to appreciate the story and most importantly to be empowered by the story is one of the great messages and one of the stories that we learned this week's portion and that's the reason that the whole saas is filled with stories you know the question is always asked why is that come into t t is a book of laws tah means instructions so if it's a book of laws just tell me the Mitzvah the answer is because one of the most fundamental aspects in life is to be able to have a blueprint for life a blueprint for our stories and each of these stories is really a mirror it's a reflection of everybody's individual story and our Collective story so you can find your story in the stories of T and that's what the word t means the word t actually doesn't mean law it means lessons like morah like a teacher it's a guide it's it's a road map it's a road map for The Voyage of life which is intricate and complex and nuanced and includes so many different destinations and stops so everybody carries in their heart a story sometimes these stories as you know from your personal life are very dramatic very intense sometimes very grueling very difficult even to hear sometimes the stories are not so you know majorly dramatic but they're still stories they're they moments and Journeys and experiences that shaped molded crafted your belief systems our belief systems our thought processes our functionality from day to day our emotions our relationships our interactions with ourselves with god with the world around us with our loved ones sometimes people experience a deep pain that it seems nothing can obliterate no no no no no joy or even no good news in the world can wipe that out it's a wound that even time doesn't heal sometimes there are moments that people look in the mirror and ask will I ever be able to be liberated from these scars from these wounds can I really grow from Darkness from adversity So today we're going to explore the story that teaches us so much about this journey it's really a very personal journey and uh even as we come to a class and the class may be a Wonderful class with God's grace I hope to be a good conduit a humble conduit but it's really it's what happens afterwards you know it's the integration it's returning home you know I once shared with you how the rambam says that the K the high priest after he came out y Ki from the holy of holies and he took off his golden be took off his beautiful garments it's the end of Y and he puts on his regular garments what's called Big his regular garments so the Ramba makes a point in the laws of he says and he goes home the goes home the commentators say like what's the there I mean yeah probably he went home I mean what should he go to the bowling alley like if you were the K at the end of himer like what do you do I mean most people go home yeah he probably was hungry he probably wanted to see his kids k l to be married he wanted to see his wife which you go to the pizza shop I don't know how many pizza shops they had in Jerusalem in the old city of Jerusalem them today they have a lot a lot when you come up from the K but even if he was coming that way I'm not sure he was interested exactly so he went home the ra puts it in as a as one of the laws which means that this is not just a fact that he happened to go home and what if he wanted to go to his sister's house and what if he wanted to stay in the bikes for 3 hours and learn and what if you wanted to go to a I mean the ram is saying no once you reach the the the the Zenith the the heights of Yip the holy of holies now there's another and the is you got to go home you have to bring that home and that can be very hard because when the K came home probably his wife told him you know there's a lot of garbage here you were away for seven days can you please take out the garbage and by the way I don't like this whole arrangement of you being the K because these kids were very very hard today and they need a father not a father who's going to be dealing with goats and in the holy of holies and it's very easy for the K to look at his wife and like you know who you're talking to like I went today to the holy of holies I atoned for the Jewish people and it becomes hard you know that's where many relation relationships struggle so how do you know that K was in the holy of holies only if he could come home afterwards only if he could come home and bring it home that's how you know it was a true true integration and that's what integration means integration means people experience great moments of Enlightenment people experience Great Moments of Education great moments of Cl everybody has moments of clarity and it's like ah I got it you know things clinch but the integration is always the hardest part the ination is when I'm back into my regular self there's no overwhelming experience there's no guide and that's when I'm just triggered by the daytoday interactions of very mundane and boring things and that's the question of how much I really integrated into those moments So today we're going to talk about a grand idea but the real challenge is you know the integration like bringing home bringing it home after a class bringing it home in our in our day-to-day experiences in our day-to-day lives I had a this shabas I had a guest by me a couple the woman grew up in the former Soviet Union in communist Russia didn't even know she was a Jew not only didn't practice Judaism didn't even know that she was a Jew because of course the Communist success y over 70 years uprooted every last vestage of Jewish life and Judaism all the Judaism that existed in Russia was basically mostly underground it was a big underground movement but it was basically underground for those who are familiar with the history of the Soviet Union and Soviet jury one of the most fascinating uh chapters in Jewish history in general but not so known in any case she grew up at the age of 10 or 11 uh she was walking home with her best friend from school they would walk home every day and her best friend told her this is the last day we can I can walk home with you and she said why they were like best friends and not only that her grandmother saved this kid's life and she said because you are a filthy Kik you are a dirty Jew and she didn't know what that means and she came home crying and her mother said let's wait till your father comes home and he'll explain it to you and uh that's when her journey began ultimately she left the Soviet Union uh and she uh completely returned to Judaism she lives today in Philadelphia her name is son Tamar and S R American and so she she was sharing with me something very moving and she told me that Friday night we were talking at the table and she said that for her the two most moving words the two most powerful words in the whole of tanak are the words that we read last week in I am y when YF reveals himself to his brothers and he says two words Jus says two words I am is my father still alive said for her that those are the two two most powerful words and I understood it because an is not just um telling them who he is you know you think I'm the prime minister of Egypt you think I'm the vice Roy of Egypt you think I'm second in command to Pharaoh yeah I am and I'm dressed as a you know an Egyptian uh leader uh I speak the I speak a different language I look differently I behave differently my vocation is so different than you but the truth is you should know I'm your brother I'm yakov's son I'm y's grandson I'm aam's great grandson I'm Sarah's great grandson Rifka Etc I'm Ra's son I'm y that itself is powerful after 22 years of separation he's telling them the truth but it's also much more than that it's how many of us have the ability in our life to stand up to people we may be very very close to and yet very far from and just say two words I am YF it's that knowing who you are and that ability to embrace it fully ysf never said those words before he never told his brothers he shared with them who he was through dreams through met metaphors through Parables he never told them he probably maybe never told it to himself an that ability to be able to stand to these brothers and they have been through heaven knows a lot with each other and not with each other over all these years and just say these two words this is who I am it's not just this is who I am you know this is the name of my passport and the name on my license and my name is YF but this is who I am I am YF I came to embrace it I came to make peace with it I came to love it to honor it to really cherish it to understand what it means and therefore I could show up to the World by saying an I am Y and it certainly challenges all of his brothers in a very very deep place and it's Dad's journey of YF to the place of saying an I'm y that uh we really want to we really really really want to explore this so let's begin let's begin with hashem's Grace with God's help our journey everybody knows about the Jewish custom that parents bless their daughters and sons at special moments throughout the year many communities and maybe in your home there's a custom that the father blesses his children Friday evening Friday night either before KES or after KES and I think all communities or most communities arim ker right before kid before we go to sh there's the custom that fathers bless all of their children their sons and their daughters of course before the some people at the but or before the before they go to the we bless the the groom and the kala the bride the parents the in-laws the grandparents what is the there's a text for the blessing and usually for a girl it's Hashem should should inspire you should make you to be able to carry the light the legacy of s of course our for matriarchs and all you often followed by the Priestly blessings etc for Sons The Blessing is different may God make you or inspire you or mold you to be like AIM now it's interesting for the daughters we bless them to be like s RKA Raa so I would expect for the boys who should we bless them to be S had a husband of R had a husband his name was had a husband his name was so we should say we skip the fathers we don't even go to the children we don't say B some great people over there 12 sons of yov we actually go to the grandkids y's two children that's so strange like the girls get from the source and the boys it's like we got to skip a few Generations until we can bless you what happened what's the meaning of this what's the significance of this the answer of course is Yakov himself is the one who initiated this blessing for the boys and he initiated in if you see your First Source sheet your First Source in the source sheet this is 48:20 y brings his two sons Mas to be blessed by the Z by their grandfather before he passes and he blessed them on that day saying you have also the English translation which I took from safaria blessed his grandchildren that day and what did he say to them by you should all is invoke blessings when every any Jew any is wants to bless their children it should be with your names they should say that was his Blessing to these children that they will become the source of blessing for everybody that for every when I want to bless my children thousands of years later I'm like Hashem should make you like a FR so obviously we followed yakov's blessing and that's what we do till today it's fascinating so for the girls we go back to the sour s ra we like s we like RKA we love ra we love Le and S and RKA but for the boys we follow yakov's instructions yob said when you when is wants to bless their sons it should be with your names but of course that only transfers the question to why did yov do that why did yov want that every blessing should invoke the names of two grandchildren first of all why not his own father and his own grandfather ab and himself why not any of his children and even if you want to go to the grandchildren had children and shim had children Le had wonderful children Yehuda had children ley's children will be the pro the progenitors of mha and Aon and Mir yehuda's children parrots will ultimately be progenitors of David and schl and mhia Etc and all the other ones had children he goes to two the these two grandchildren even if you want to talk about two brothers special Brothers maybe it should be M and with two wonderful brothers maybe like d and and maybe others but yov chose these two people what's the significance of that but there's also another question what does it even mean if I tell my daughter ra I know we know about SAR we know about ra we know about Rifka we know about Leia if we would bless our children to be like a we don't know we don't know endless stories but the T tells us a fair amount of stories to give us a blueprint to give us a sketch of who AB was who was who yob was but a we don't know anything about them in it just says y had two children a man so when I'm blessing my son Hashem should make you like a manha what am I what am I blessing him what does it mean to be like a frha what do we know about a frha that I'm blessing my son to be like a it seems like a blessing that's devoid of an understanding of a substance what am I blessing you with because these are two personalities the doesn't say anything about them there's not one story in about there's not one story in about besides the fact that they were born and that y raised them and that yov blessed them at the end of his life true in medish there are some stories but in itself when yob says you should be everybody should bless their children to be like a what am I supposed to take out of that what am I telling my children my child says tell me about arra tell me about manha tell me something and I'm like got to go to the class another interesting thing is y says that the blessing should be before Manas even though as we know eim was younger than manasha and that's how we do it in order to appreciate this we got to get back to the source of this whole story of what happens we all know that when Yakov blesses them and says by you shall all the Jewish people invoke Their Blessings to their children this came after a pretty complicated story about how Yakov blesses them let's see the story inside and it's one of those stories again that raise eyebrows like all stories in Kish they never leave you content because the stories in KES are not here to put people to sleep but to wake them up if you want to put people to sleep so you have you know and they lived happily ever after and now mam close your eyes mommy loves you Ines at the end of every story it's like no I don't like this this I don't like this good you won't go to sleep you'll wake up that's the point of bre I think once said he says everybody tells stories to put people to sleep I want to tell stories to wake people up so the stories in KES always have a spin a Twist something is strange something doesn't sit with us and that's why every year you could revisit the story because after all the explanations I still didn't clinch it there's an endlessness to it there's an Infinity to it that you can feel and you can go back to the story let's go back another year again the said it was not untouched t means it was untouched yet after all thousands of years it's still untouched so let's see the story okay go to the Second Source in your Source sheet we're going to Genesis chter 48 verse 10 I'll read fast you can see it in the Hebrew you could see it in the English if that's easier for you remember yov is ill yakob at this point is is it's before his passing Yakov lived in Egypt for 17 years he came there at 130 he passes at 147 YF hears that he's sick and he brings his two sons masas and to be blessed by their grandfather of course before he passes away so ysf brings them both and he brings them close to Yakov he puts Masha on his left and he puts aim on his right because we understand if I'm YF and I'm I am YF and I'm standing in front I'm not that YF but my name is YF and I guess all Ys are connected very good very good very good thank you okay H yeah yeah so so oh so YF is standing in front of his father right so he puts manasha on his left because if manasha is on his left he's facing he's on the right of yob who's sitting in front of him and he puts a on his right that's what the Torah says so what he's expecting now is that Yakov is going to bless his two children who are standing in front of Yakov on the right of Yakov you have manasha who's on the left of Y on the left of you have a but which is the second name of yov stretches out his right hand and he lays it on ephraim's head though he was the younger one and his left hand on masha's head he crosses his hands even though manasha is the first born so it's like ex so y goes like this right he goes like this so his right hand is now on the boy that's standing on his left which is a and his right and his left hand is on the boy standing on his right which is even though is the oldest and he gives a beautiful blessing He blesses and he says the god in who my in whose ways my fathers of and walked Hashem who has been my shepherd from my birth to this very day Hashem is my shepherd all my life the messenger who has redeemed me from all harm let him bless these Lads these children in them may my name be recalled and the names of my fathers ab and and they should they should multiply abundantly upon the [Music] earth when YF saw that his father was placing his right hand on ephraim's head he felt that this is wrong it bothered him so he takes hold of his father's hand to Move It from aim's head to masha's head so imagine yakov's hands are crossed and his right hand is on AIM and his left hand is on Mana like this like an ex so YF now picks up his father's right hand and he wants to place it actually it should be straight it shouldn't be an ex it should be on masha's head and he says to his father not so father father not so the other one is the first born Masha is the first born place your right hand on his [Music] head his father refuses and he says I know my son I know he too shall become a great people a nation he too shall be amazing and great but his younger brother shall be even greater and his offspring shall be plentiful throughout the Nations and therefore this is the way the blessing should be given to these kids and that's when he finishes and that's when he blesses them and says everybody will bless their children to be like you wow okay this is the story why would YF mix into his father's decision YF is a son he respected his father he loved his father yov crossed his hands obviously he had an intention y says three words not so father not so so the Al he was one of the greatest he's one of the great biblical commentators he lived in SAS in the 16th century he was a student of the a a student of the b y a Reb of v and the AL writes that what YF was telling his father was haven't we suffered enough from elevating the younger brother over the younger brother over the older brother did we not learn lessons yet you saw what happened to me right 22 years I was separated from the family I mean I did well I did well but how much Agony how much suffering because you promoted me you elevated me over the other brothers do you want to repeat this cycle what they call today in English cycle Breakers you know what cycle Breakers mean let's break the cycle let's not continue the pattern it happened in earlier Generations right the whole barous is really a lot of sibling rivalry and it's usually the younger one who comes out on top so he's like let's just not do this again we could understand where Y is coming from that's how the explains it and still yov refuses and he says twice why you say I know my son I know basically I know everything you're saying and I know everything you're not saying I know everything you're saying and I know everything you're thinking I know and I know but I'm telling you that this is the way to do it so YF acques this is what yov wants but the question really is why what was the meaning of this why didn't Yakov respect the fact that Masha indeed was the oldest and Ephraim was the youngest if being the firstborn child has meaning and obviously yakob thought it has meaning how do I know yakob thought it has meaning anybody knows how can I prove that Yakov believed that being the first huh no but from his own life how do you know that Yakov felt and had meaning he purchased it he purchased the from asov and pares told us when him and asov were young Lads he went and he demanded from asov in Li of the food asov was starving right the lentil soup sell me your Birthright obviously yakob felt that this was somehow very significant he was ready to purch it and as was very upset about this later so why are you now ignoring the fact that manasha is the is the oldest that's what Y is saying it's like T you know that you you respect the fact that there is a firstborn I think it's broken yeah if if now that what does that mean like this if the first born is significant meaning he has special responsibility or a special Mission or a unique tkid a unique role Etc and therefore requires the blessing with the right hand which represents a certain strength or a certain power and vigor why not give it to manasha why mix in to the plan of the Creator who made manasha the oldest and aim the youngest respect that and if you think being older being younger is insignificant I'm telling you I'm looking at a Manas and I'm telling you he needs this blessing so why y himself purchase it and if it's insignificant why does ysf think it is significant and if if if Yakov knows because intuitively his soul knows that the blessing that belongs to the first son needs to go to Ephraim not the manasha so why did the creator make that aim should be the younger one and not the older one much ink has been spilled over these questions throughout the Generations on the level ofat remes meaning on the literal level on a more homolytic level on an esoteric level on a mystical level throughout out the generations every almost every commentator and all genres of Judaism of T of learning T have comment commented to try to explain the story and so many different interesting explanations and they're all quite wondrous and and fascinating and there's many many of them in this class I want to share an Insight that was once shared by the LA that's the beginning of 1970 it was really a an an a elaborate discussion on how Jewish history works and how the Jews prevailed and survived and thrived but I'm taking out one point of how it applies to people's individual life the way I understood it very powerful and very moving but before they I want to share a v from the was one of the great masters of shap of he has a sa calleda and he has a very interesting Insight he said if you notice yov crosses his hands He blesses which many people say every before or after abdah and there's even a beautiful song then after the blessing YF tries to change the order of the hands Yakov refuses and he says no and then says everybody should bless their children says that what Yakov meant was actually something very specific he looked it was hard for him to see but he could feel that Masha did not get upset at aim when that happened they saw what happened Masha could see if could see manasha didn't get upset he remained completely calm he also saw a I am didn't get Hoy this is what he saw this is what he felt when yakob saw this when felt this he said this is the blessing you should give to every Jewish child they should be able to have that equilibrium that inner Serenity to be able to understand that who they are is exactly who they're supposed to be manasha didn't get upset he didn't lose his identity and inner tranquility and confidence and arim didn't get ho they understood I have my mission I am a channel for what I need to be a channel is when he saw the response of the brothers unlike the whole bous where the brothers often don't respond that way that's what made him say we should bless every child to be like a to be able to have that that's what the IGA says which is a very very interesting interpretation but now let's take it one let's take it one step deeper to appreciate all of this we really have to think about the life of YF the life of YF himself many classes have discussed YF and his journeys and his life today we want to focus on his life the way it's expressed through his two children and we'll suddenly see how one PK in Mikes which seems like not so significant becomes a key issue that really explores and opens up and allows us to decipher the deeper layers of this story let's think for a moment about yep's life and I want you to think about it not in an abstract way you know as a story of a person who lived thousands of years ago but more in an intimate personal way as though you were YF or Y was somebody very very close to you y's mother ra didn't have child for many years finally she was blessed with a child YF he was eight years old when rul passed away when his mother passed away during child birth for his brother for his SEC for her Second Son Of course bamin on the way back there is from L we know ra passes away as she gives birth to Bam and that's why she's not buried in Mar she's buried in B where we visit her resting place until this very day so here is an 8-year-old boy YF so close to his mother because his mother waited for him all these years and he's 8 years old and now ra passed away he doesn't have his mother anymore so there's no mother to be able to embrace him to be able to hug him to be able to kiss him before he goes to sleep to be able to tell him YF you are something special you're mine and you're something special and uh I just love you when he's 17 years old that means less than 10 years later the only family he has is his brothers that's his family and his brothers decide to kill him the T says they decide to kill him and then who says instead of killing him let him let's throw him into a bird let's throw him into a u a pit a sister he'll die in his own we won't kill him he'll die in the sister now what does that mean he and they take him they strip him from his tunic they throw him into the pit let's Imagine This Moment ysf is 17 years old he lost his mother and now he's in a dark deep cave and pit he's screaming he's crying nobody's listening listening his brothers after they threw him into the pit the T says went to eat bread so those personalities those individuals who are supposed to protect their brother he's 17 years old especially doesn't have a mother the other mothers were alive Billow was alive Zila was alive Leia was alive ra wasn't alive he's in this dark abyss literally and figuratively and they're eating it's interesting the Torah doesn't tell the story of what yv did when they threw him into the pit but later it does tell the story when it happens it doesn't say what y's response was he seems passive but later when he's already the prim minister of Egypt and the brothers come down to get food and he accuses them of Espionage and he puts them in prison they have a conversation about what happened at the pit take a look turn over your page turn over your page side two First Source mik me Genesis chapter 42 they say to each other this is in Egypt in prison we are guilty because of our brother we have seen the distress of his soul when he was pleading with us sh we were deaf that's why we have now this this Sor 20 years later we're being accused of being spies in Egypt which we are not and we're being thrown into prison it's our fault we're guilty 20 years ago our brother was pleading with us but sh we didn't listen to him we ignored him it's interesting the ran says in the story itself the tah doesn't say that the T just says they threw him into the pit it doesn't say y begged them only later do we find out the story so the ran says yeah maybe the T doesn't want to say it when it happened it says later or it's possible that y's pleading was not verbal it was with his eyes so the T doesn't write it cuz what the T doesn't write is not explicit sometimes it's a more hidden this pleading with mouth and sometimes there what the call there are people who cry without sound not because they're not crying because they're crying in a much deeper way you know how many children were hurt abused and so forth they didn't say anything they didn't cry but their whole nervous system is crying and it's crying till today not always do people articulate their tears with words or even in sound sometimes it's too deep so it's possible that t doesn't write it because it didn't come out in a revealed way but later we find out about it but the bottom line is what happens to yv at that moment he's pleading with them they're death they completely completely ignore him and they take accountability for that two decades later and they say this is why this is happening to us which by the way parenthesis it's interesting that for 20 years they couldn't find anything else wrong that they did besides that they go back to that story that's the one story they have to go back to and rethink it because all of 20 years it's like what what's happening why is God doing this they found something 20 years ago yes yes yes it is I understand but I want to now go to y a moment what does he feel like at that moment what does it feel like when not a person in the world can see you not a person in the world can hear your tears and this not this is not a sister a comfortable sister you know a five star sister with couches this is a bird the says bir it's an empty pit without water asks the we know if it's empty it doesn't have water he says it has no water but it has snakes and scorpions and it's pitch dark all a person could think at that moment is about Survival and why why is this happening to me what did I do where's my father where are my brothers where is God and this is a question I have to say I hear often from people I receive many many letters many emails from people or have conversations with people face to face for my own Journeys with people and relationships with people this is something that is so personal for so many people it may play itself out in so many different ways but how many people in their lives experienced this sense of loneliness of solitariness of betrayal of Abandonment the terror of Abandonment and I want to say something you know those who are conscious of this Terror are already much more blessed because knowing the challenge is always the beginning of healing but how many people don't even know how they're suffering from the terror and the pain of Abandonment but it drives it WS havoc in their life subconsciously and unconsciously when people become aware of it the pain of that because what a child needs above all is attachment safety you know we speak about the four s's a child should feel safe secure seen soothed it's the safety it's the connection it's healthy good attachments in life and those attachments come from our primary caregivers usually most from our mothers our fathers the people around us siblings or whoever the caregivers are and that attachment is simply an unconditional attachment and love of looking into the eyes of the child of the infant and saying you matter I see you I touch you I I cherish you I love you you're a gift your existence is a gift your presence is a gift I'm not going to ask you to raise your hands and ask you if you experience this as a child but you can think about it and reflect on it and how it plays itself out in our lives never mind if a child wasn't only receiving emotional neglect but a child also experienced painful Affliction whether it's emotional physical psychological sexual Etc and sometimes from those very people who were supposed to protect them imagine the wounds the scars the sense of the child not only does nobody see me but there's literally nobody in the world that this child could turn to you I've heard over the years so many stories of people today they may be older people 50s 60 70 sometimes even older or younger whatever it is teenagers young men women and literally from all demographics and communities the United States and Israel and around the world and there's a common common thread where nobody saw this child literally this child alone in the world in a dark pit needing to fend for themselves for herself or for himself and in those most vulnerable moments they needed something to hold their hand to look at them and to say it's not your fault it's not your fault children don't know how to say it's not their fault when you're 2 years old three years old four years old one years old you don't know that your father and mother themselves are emotionally not well you don't know that it's so hard to know that all you say is I'm guilty I'm undeserving I must be a very bad boy there must be some evil devil lurking in my core that's what the child concludes what type of psychological Havoc does that create in our psyche what type of neural Pathways do we develop to function in the world as a result of that sometimes children couldn't even cry loud like they were afraid to cry they knew there's no response or that would only bring more damage so they stopped so they're crying inside they don't want to make anybody angry or more stressed listen we have survival skills and copy mechanisms and did anybody ever look at this child and say you're good you're wonderful you're amazing you're normal you're really really not guilty there was no person to hold his child in the hand hold this child by his hand or her hand and say it's really really not your fault I've learned over the years it's hard for people to forgive others but the hardest person most people have a the hardest time most people have forgiving is who themselves themselves that inner shame that inner blame is so profound sensitive people who internalize the shame they turn it this way rather than that way and it makes sense it makes sense because the conclusion of a child to say that the people who need to take care of me are not available it's too painful I want to believe that I have good attachment so I'll say I'm crazy I'm too needy I'm weird I'm a nerd I'm a loser I don't know I'm ugly I don't fit in and that's why I'm getting I ask for too much I have all these crazy stupid needs I'm selfish I'm narcissistic and as our wires literally our wires are formed to think this way and now I have to survive so all my survival is based on these paradigms that develop in my brain and I think deep deep down deep down you know if you strip away everything what's the deepest pain that touches people I know there's quite a few therapists that say you'll correct me if I'm wrong but I think there's at least some truth in this and maybe it's completely true probably the deepest deepest pain when you strip away everything it's the pain of Abandonment the lack of attachment the lack of safety of real trust and how does that affect all of our relationships that means that many of my relationships or maybe all of them are really manipulative I'm just trying to survive it's either me or you in the room either I'm going to impress you or you're going to impress me you know what does that do to marriages what does that do to relationships of parents and children if I never felt safe to be fully present and experience the heartbeat of the other heartbeat to heartbeat heartbeat to heartbeat which is vulnerability it's very very vulnerable there's a medish known as saer and over there there's a story that when they take YF the brothers sell YF and they take him down to Egypt they pass by B and ysf sees the grave of his mother so he runs from the kidnappers the people who bought him and he goes to his mother's grave and the say for says YF starts crying and says mother mother why are you not here for me mother wake up wake up from your sleep wake up from your death and notice my pain the medish is so descriptive how YF is pleading with his mother notice my pain there's nobody in the world to notice my pain and the isites Arabs come and they start beating him until he stops crying they don't want him to make a commotion this is yep's experience and when one sees this when one learns this when one when one appreciates this is what yph is is what Y is what what would we expect if I would go to a top top psychologist and give them a resume of y's life and I want them to conclude so what what does this boy look like you know what a what's his diagnosis you might say shut down pretty shut down emotionally you got to survive you shut down some people their souls literally psychologic their souls part of their souls leave their body their bodies become just like punching bags do whatever you want it's fine I don't feel anything they really shut down the the certain emotional wires are literally cut in the brain this is so scary disassociated Mish and and and and there's no judgment here because it's actually a brilliant coping mechanism of our animal Consciousness to keep me alive if I'm Associated if I'm connected how many daggers can you experience in your chest on a daily basis how many at some point you build a fake heart the real heart goes into hiding nobody has access to it not even me all I could show the world is a fake heart you ever went to uh Madame T the wax museum in London what is it how do you say Madam T you ever went there it's fascinating yeah I went in and Suddenly I See Winston Churchill and he's like alive I want to talk them I'm like Churchill thank you for being the only leader in Europe to take on Hitler before rusel got into the war huh we don't have to go to the museum to see this they walking on the streets very good that's going to be my point right I had a teacher he was those days you know a lot of chain smokers and he was like an absent-minded brilliant man so somebody wants took him to the museum and he was he would always smoke always so he always asked people for Mattress so he saw Churchill with a cigar so he goes over to church he says you know he asked Churchill for a light cuz it was so real it was so real but it's all wax so you're saying we don't have to go to a museum because this is what happens to so many people's lives I make a heart out of wax I have to and by the way these heart made out of wax are brilliant it's called artificial intelligence they're sometimes more brilliant in a real heart you know why CU they're run by computers I think okay this is how you feel this is how you copy emotions this is what you do in a room this is how basically I'm responding to life based on Survival I'm trying to survive and there's a terror behind all of this copy mechanisms oh there's a terror Behind it when I'm 40 years old when I'm 52 years old when I'm 60 years old or whatever it is Maybe be 80 years old I'm one of I'm one of those numbers you'll figure out which one or 19 years old right I'm not going to tell any I'm not telling myself the whole story anymore and it's not even but but I am telling myself every moment is you're not safe and now I'm supposed to be a father I'm supposed to educate children what if I myself I'm the 3 years old who still terrified and therefore my kids are triggering me or my spouse is triggering other people are triggering me and it's all unconscious so what would be the diagnosis of YF right maybe disassociation complete numbness tough as Nails what do they say tough as Nails very very hard maybe very cynical maybe depressed anxious would make sense a lot of social anxiety of course social anxiety is an amazing survival skill social anxiety tells you this wedding is not a safe place for you people people are not safe get ready make sure every word that comes out of your mouth is calculated you don't want people to know the truth that you're stupid and evil and weird social anxiety is a great great survival skill I'm anxious yes I'm not safe your body is responding to perceived danger certainly I can't expect from YF that Serenity and and charm and freedom that comes with you know that blessed Safe Life and here's where y shocks us all I've read through the many times I've learned T and there's no character at least from my experience tell me if I'm wrong there's no character in tanak that you fall in love with so fast and so powerful like YF and always because of one reason his love of life and his and his grace and the Torah makes sure to point this out wherever he goes he like like oil he floats to the top he's just this successful person and everybody loves he's full of life now you could say yeah well maybe he was like a functioning machine I knew Holocaust Survivors that's that made a lot a lot of money after the war tremendous and I used to ask there was people I knew and I would like talk to them and I want to know what was their secret and then I realized they weren't afraid of no you know if I ask somebody for something and they say no it feels you know I'm I'm an American I'm an American kid I grew up with steak and french fries and some ketchup on the side for health when somebody was an schtz and B inval how exactly are you going to scare them what are you going to do you going to say no no they want for the house 3 million dollar you offer them you know when you they they didn't offer like 2 million right they offered like $800,000 or like two what what do they're going to look at you and say you're crazy I've seen everything once you've seen everything you're not afraid of rejection they've seen much more and many of them literally became so tough and L they functioned like like like machines and and they made they were unbelievably successful but there was a part that they had to shut down and you we all understand it when you see so much pain you have to shut down if you want to survive unless you don't survive and you would think that's what happened to Y but here's a fascinating thing nobody in tanak cries as many times as y there's eight times that the speaks about YF sobbing Adam arish I'm sure Adam cried when he saw he is killed but it doesn't say that he cried I'm sure Adam cried when he was thrown out of paradise I mean I I don't know but I assume so doesn't say saw a flood doesn't say once he cried a it says he cried once when Sarah died doesn't say yov cries when he meets raal he cries when YF disappears YF cries eight times at every emotional juncture he sobs there's even once he has to run away from his brothers and go to a private room cuz he's sobbing and then he washes his face face and he comes out and he says let's eat why does the T Tell me eight times that y sobs you know why T wants to say one thing this kid's heart remained open he remained vulnerable he knew how to cry and he's crying when he's meeting people who did all of this wow so he's successful but not because he became a machine he remains an open heart and wherever he goes the T keeps on saying he's full of what's the word is Grace you can't even translate it is charm Grace Beauty there's an energy of of of safety of like you like this person P falls in love with him the wife of ptif also falls in love with him which becomes a problem ptif gives him over his entire estate why because he sees that God is with him he comes to prison For Heaven's Sake and what happens the prison Warden gives him over the entire responsibility because he sees that God is with him and he's successful in everything and he finds by everybody what's the secret of this man I want to know what's y secret because if we could penetrate his secret we can help ourselves in so many but there's one scene in Kish that the T obviously explicitly shares with us that really takes the cake and if you take a look it's the second Source on side two the T says he's in prison there's two Egyptians a butler and a baker chapter 40 comes in the morning and he sees there theim you know what Zim means in yish it's called you ever see the morning people before they had their coffee before they did yoga Pilates therapy before vitamin D B C probiotics yeah before they ate garlic Etc ET before they had Ginger and raw organic honey all before that and before exercise you ever see them in the morning well you walk away it's called in it's called it's like if I come to SCH early in the morning sometimes you see certain people you don't talk to them at the moment you wait they still have to adjust to life they have to realize they woke up Etc the world is not as dangerous as they thought it was but take some time so YF wakes up in the morning he sees two Egyptian ministers a butler and a baker Zim they're depressed they're distraught now I want to know what if you were in prison nobody should be in prison and you were in a Cell in Egypt and you saw two anti-semites par ministers they couldn't have been great sadik okay and they look depressed what would you say to yourself either you walk away or you say okay or it's really not surprising I mean they're on death row they weren't there for you know a sushi party or to dance kazakus what does he decides to ask him a question what's the question four words guys why do you appear downcast today I'm looking at you what happened to your jolliness your charm your joy why do you guys look depressed that's the story and then they tell them as everybody will always answer you we have a dream there's always a dream everybody has a dream but we don't know how to do with the dream and YF says tell me your dream now of course this is what spirals the entire story like a domino effect because later when par has a dream he'll bring YF out of prison and he'll become the Prime Minister but before that let's think about this moment yph is asking them why do you why are you guys depressed what about he what about him what about him he's been here for 10 years 10 years he's been in prison without a relative without a lawyer without a friend without a letter in a pit this is the second time he's in a pit first his brothers threw him into a pit and now the wife of paa throws him into AIT and now realize you know there's an expression in English There's No Good Deed that goes unpunished you heard that expression the medish says when you lend someone money give them little racks because when they start throwing rocks on you it shouldn't be big ones it should be little ones did you realize that every tragedy in y's life happens because he's doing the right thing his father asked him to go see his brothers he could have told his father T it's it's not a good idea he decides to respect his father and go see his brothers he gets thrown into a pit and sold into slavery the wife of ptif asks him to be intimate with her he says no I can't sin to God I can't sin to your husband I can't sin like this this is immoral this is promiscuous this is a betrayal of everything for you too and what what does he get for that jail time in jail he helps parro Butler and he says ask par when you get out to liberate me I'm an innocent Hebrew who was kidnapped and what happens he forgets about him there's literally not one good thing that he does that doesn't come back to haunt him so now there's betrayal from everybody including from God and that's one of the deepest forms of betrayal how much people feel betrayed by Hashem people always say I did this and I did this and I did this and I did this and yet he's in prison and he sees these two people and he thinks to ask them why they're depressed which means he's in a good place cuz usually if I'm depressed I'm like yeah sure everybody's depressed why are you asking them but YF himself was happy and he even wants to know why they're unhappy and he wants to help them even though he could have thought of course they're depressed I mean they're in a prison the Torah is telling us who YF is I read about ysf every year and every year again I love this boy not only because my name is y there's something so special about him his charm his love of Life his cheerfulness his vulnerability his heart is open and yet he's so successful he's not like you know this naive little innocent kid who's always sobbing he's literally the second to the most powerful person in the whole world as we discussed last week he's a powerful powerful person he's created he's resourceful he's brilliant he takes charge he's a leader but with an open heart he functions with a completely open heart he's present he's joyful what was his secret the Torah gives us a few hints one of the biggest hints is his two children we look at the names of his two children and those two names the rebba said capture the secret of ysf the Terra always conveys messages in very very profound subtle ways through stories it's not written like a philosophy work let me analyze the psychology of Y we have to figure it out from the stories so let's take a look the next Source mik got married at 30 years old when he became prime minister of Egypt he gets married who does he marry a girl named asnas who's asnas the daughter of P Farah so let's think about this who is y's mother-in-law the woman who did what to him who put him in jail who's his father-in-law the guy who listened to his wife and threw him into jail wow and Y Friday night and every Sim he's with who he's with his mother-in-law now on a good day people have issues with their mother-in-law not me she may be listening Haig one I have an unbelievable mother-in-law unbelievable but there's a clip that's going around now you saw the clip and it was pretty funny again I didn't understand it cuz I wouldn't relate to such a mother-in-law but apparently people found it funny I also found it a little funny cuz I understood so this guy is speeding on the highway you know on the Palisades really speeding the police stops him says do you know why I pull you over he says yes well he says can I speak to you privately he say sure he comes out takes the please to the back of the car and he says did you see the two women in the car he says yeah says one is my wife one is my mother-in-law okay they got into a major major fight my mother-in-law decided she's leaving our home she's going back to her home I am taking her home now I am frightened that if I go a little slower they will make up in the car and she will come back to my house for another 6 months so I need to get her home as soon as possible before this fight is over the policeman looks at him and says I understand in fact I arranged a police escort to be able to get you as home in 5 minutes and everything will be fine but I want you to think about this YF marries the daughter of so you know all Sim I know there weren't many Shalom Z in Egypt and many but whatever they had he basically faces this woman and this man constantly it's his in-laws people don't realize that and he has two children he has two children the oldest son he calls God made me forget completely my hardships and my parental home interesting manasha means forgetfulness he names his first son forgetting because God made me forget call Amali Amal is my toil my suffering my anguish he made me forget and the house of my [Music] father the second one named aim why the word aim comes from the wordu multiply fruitful like a Perry P God has made me fertile and fruitful in the land of my suffering in the land of my Affliction do you hear the names of these two children I don't have to tell you that names in and in t are extremely profound and significant one of the first stories in is that Adam is the one who names all of the animals names are very very profound and here you see that the explicitly gives us the significance of these two names so the first name is manasha God made me forget manasha comes from the word Nani like GHA you know what ganha is when the angel from the adversary for ASA what happened he relocated he dislocated yakov's sciatica Yakov sciatic nerve so it's called n cuz it moved away when you forget something what happens it moves away from your brain you're moved away from it the information may still be there the facts are there but when I don't forget something it's present when I forget I'm like I relocate myself g i relocate myself from that so I'm not consciously focusing on it it's not consciously because I forgot it so the word is Nani and that's Masha interesting name for a child why you called Masha forgetfulness the ability to forget God made me forget the second boy is aim Hashem made me fruitful in the land of my suffering what is the meaning of this now I want to ask you did Joseph really forget when he speaks to his brothers you see he forgot nothing can you even forget what he forgot his mother's death he forgot that his brothers threw him into a pit and sold him as a slave what did he forget he forgot that he was in prison for 12 years you can't forget these things this wasn't like one experience for like an hour you know he was put into a closet even that you usually don't forget trust me but this what does it mean he even forgot this was yosef's first secret look at look at his words God made me forget all my Amali Amali means hardship Agony suffering what did this mean what does this mean YF was not saying I forgot literally what happened of course he didn't forget he told his brothers later when he saw them you sold me to Egypt he didn't forget anything the man is running the entire world economy egyp was a superpower he didn't forget what happened in his life he does not mean that when manasha was born he started to have dementia that's not what he means what he means is something else hasem allowed me he doesn't even say the word he says n what does Nani literally mean Hashem allowed me to move away to be free this is y's first secret what ysf is saying is that every single person has a Divine core what the calls a Consciousness that is a derivative of infinity it's a piece of God that no no blemish no trauma no pain no abuse no neglect no abandonment even if it was terrifying when it happened can destroy that core it can't it has no access to it just like no hater in the world can destroy Hashem they can try Hitler said we have to get rid of the Jews and their God we have to get rid of God and his life denying Ten Commandments in fact according to yesi anti-Semitism is really an attempt not to kill Jews to kill God how do you kill God they hope when you get rid of last Jew and that's why a Jewish baby is as important a Target as the greatest Jewish Sage because even in the Jewish baby the anti-semite could sense infinite Transcendent Holiness that is metahistorical so nobody can kill God nobody can destroy God's confidence there's a part in you it's not just Hashem is with you Hashem created you we're saying something else something deeper there a part of you that's actually Divine when the Divine in you experienced whatever you experienced it experienced it as infinite Consciousness having a finite experience what does it look like when you say says I am in the when y tells his brothers you did not sell me God sent me what does that mean of course they sold him what he means is can you sell God you can't sell YF of course you could sell YF you could take his body and sell him that's one layer of Y but there's a deeper core in y that is actually Divine it's infinite how do you sell Infinity you don't sell infin Infinity cuz you can't hold on to Infinity so what do you do with it Infinity is sent it sends itself and it sends y as a piece of God to go into all of these places the moment a person learns and experiences this part of self that's the beginning of healing there's somebody I know very very close with this person this person went through what should I say I don't like to say these stories but I'll say it anyway cuz they save lives people should understand that they're not the only ones this guy went through crazy stuff wonderful wonderful person amazing person but let's put it this way a father and a brother who are supposed to be the most important protectors for a child both did very very inappropriate things extremely inappropriate I'm using the word inappropriate but much worse than inappropriate horrific horrific horrific and other things happened and as a result of this this kid grew up with coping mechanisms from here to China that created chaos and Insanity in his life he was amazingly functional and a really beautiful beautiful person and didn't know anything CU what often happens is our psyche suppresses all the information because it's too painful to deal with and you don't want to lose your source of attachment which is your parents so you rather blame yourself and say I'm just a weird crazy nut job which is what he did and one of his deepest struggles was with Hashem like even knowing of God exists and not not because he philosophically had problems because he was shut down he was just shut down from everything and when you're shut down you can't experience God cuz God is life we only experience God through our body right we say you remember when I go to sleep I give him my spirit yeah and when my spirit comes into my to my body Hashem Le hasem is with me I'm Not Afraid we experience God through embodiment cuz Hashem is not an idea it's a life force it's a Life Energy but if I cut the wires of embodiment so then God is just an idea so he had all these struggles and then at a much later point in life he began a very intense healing Journey with some amazing people and it went for years and he told me one of the most moving things he said in one of my healing Journeys I didn't know God I experienced God I said how what happened and he said I'll say you what happened I saw that there was a self that watched everything happen and I asked myself how is there a self that watched everything happened if I was completely broken there should be no self that watched it and then I realized that there was a core self that you couldn't break nobody could break in other words if we're really made up with just like machines you know just a jumble Mumble group of 70 trillion cells if you break they take you take you take your phone and you smash it and you smash it again and you smash it again and you smash it again for four years there's nothing left and 50 years later there won't be a chip in the phone that says I saw you do it it's broken it's dead it's finished but a person is not a machine you have a you have a God in you you can't do that to God God was there God saw everything and then he said and I experienced the god inside of me I experienced as a Divine core that watched everything watched chaos watched the pain but wasn't part of it and that's why there was an eye that observed it the moment y understood that that's n elim theim inside the person allows him not to forget physically but there's a part of you that always remain pure whole joyous Serene tranquil trusting vulnerable inquisitive compassionate caring loving it did not shut down it did not cut off itself it's the flow of divinity it's literally the flow of divinity and it's in every person and because it's in every person it remains completely completely present even if I have no access to it for many many years and in that place like we say in in the morning we say it in how do you know you're in that space in his space there's and you know what and is is confidence is Joy whenever you're in that space you have confidence Clarity and joy confidence and Clarity always comes from being in the space of your Divine Soul you have confidence cuz of course you have confidence you're a Channel of God what's the question you also have joy because you're a Channel of the source of all Bliss and joy that's how we know we're in that we're in that space that's the first step that's the first child now if ysf would have stopped with the first child I would give him a standing ovation for 50 years I like the first child Masha is pretty awesome wow you're a free person you're not def fined by all this you're not the wounded broken Soul you don't need the coping mechanisms to survive because you have a Divine self to survive wow I don't need a shut down I could be vulnerable I could be present because I have unbelievable power and that void I don't need everybody to fill and tell me how great I am through fake EMP compliments or validation or ways of manipulating attention and making sure I get the love I need through fake ways wow I have it inside of me that's incredibly powerful but ysf had a second child and what did he name a second child on do you hear the difference the second child is God made me fruitful we in the land of my suffering this is a different name took me away from my from the suffering he took me away I'm not defined by it I have a self that's not defined by it which is in itself awesome it's it's magnificent it's it's it's it's incredible the first step is to know that I have crazy pain and I have crazy coping mechanisms but there's something in me that is larger than all the pain larger than all the wounds larger than all the trauma a Divine soul that nobody can affect nobody can minimize nobody can weaken but ysf has a second secret this guy has a lot of Secrets up his a lot of tricks up his sleep but they're not just tricks they're life lessons ysf didn't only survive the pain and come out of it and didn't get defined by it he says something else I became so fruitful in the land of my suffering in the land of my affliction J could look back at his life and say thank you he saw it as a gift he realized that all of his pain and all of the challenges and adversity literally made him the human being he was supposed to become and not only that saved the whole world YF suddenly realized that every step of his experience was part of an essential Journey that transformed him into the person that he became he could have never been another person every step of the way if he would have not I told you even last week he was thrown into a pit without water that's how he learned to put away food for seven years that wouldn't get moisture and therefore wouldn't spoil even that little detail was part of his journey he was sold as a slave to Egypt he could become the Prime Minister only he was in if he wouldn't have been in prison he could never come to par every step of the way literally his dreams everything it was all part of an incredible incredible journey that the entire Jewish people we only here today because of YF so suddenly it was the abandonment itself that he experienced he suddenly looked at it and he said on a deeper level I wasn't abandoned in that abandonment God was holding me and fully fully present with me my soul was fully there and it's in that Journey itself that I came to learn everything I had to learn and I became the person I could become he in the land of my pain itself I became fruitful in an unprecedented way you know it's like a like a diamond how is a diamond created a diamond is created in Crazy pressure in absolute Darkness under the Earth in that pressure in that Darkness the diamond is crafted and then we retrieve it we take off the dirt and we have a diamond yph understood all of his trauma it's like dirt over a diamond and sometimes I get fixated on the dirt I'm so dirty I'm so dirty my pain is my my life is such a tragedy YF understood not only he took of the dirt suddenly he saw a diamond and where was this diamond created in that dirt and he realized nobody can ever Define him he was actually defining his life and that's what he means if I was a if I was a messenger of hem so all this was a literally a Divine Journey it wasn't they looked at his life and he said it was a punishment so many people walk around and like why did God punish me thank God y didn't have these trauma education stuff Mark tw1 said I'll never allow my school to interfere with my I never allowed my schooling to interfere with my education sometimes we need to liberate ourselves from these ideas you know God is punishing me he hates me he hates me he hates me this is called Rel Ultra Orthodox religious trauma God Hates Me hates me hates me punish me again and again I never hear yph say that he's like I was a I wasn't punished it's not a punishment suddenly YF realizes it was exactly where I had to be to give me the depth the wisdom the empathy the light The Compassion the infinite leadership skills and the Charisma that made him who he was one of the most beautiful teachings of the and it's your last Source take a look you see now the significance of these words YF looks at his brothers and he says two words an Y what did he mean I am y he didn't just mean as I said in the beginning of the class an identity my name is YF my name is not which was his Egyptian name that's true but he's saying something else this is me you could see me this is who I am that blessing to be able to look at yourself and at people closest to you and show up with your full presence what does that look like it's powerful an y I am y it's not like you think they're going to like me you think they're going to like me my wife told me that she met a few days ago with a woman she lives in Toronto she's deaf she runs a school for the deaf and she's a public speaker and she told my wife I quit speaking why cuz I realized I'm not going to start speaking again until when I get up there I don't care about anything anybody's going to say or think as long as I care I'm a victim and I can't really speak cuz I'm busy getting the feedback only when I'm completely free from that will I resume speaking you know you know what was a Jewish comedian what did he say he said I have principles and if you don't like them I have other principles you know like I'm y okay you don't like fine I'm Ru I become a chameleon you know what you know what chameleon is at this point is like I'm is my father alive they can't answer they're overwhelmed they're afraid come closer I am your brother the one you sold to Egypt something strange here he already told them AMF why does he say again and then he says by the way I'm the guy you sold to Egypt they didn't know what did they were like 20 Ys they had like another three brothers ysf that they didn't sell toeg he's like I'm the one you sold to Egypt and he wasn't trying to embarrass them here he was trying to be M of them to bring them closer why does he like you know really give it to them like I'm whom you sold to Egypt but don't be scared don't be depressed says something amazing when y said I'm y he didn't only reveal his name he revealed his soul for the first time they saw the beauty of their brother they never did and that's when they really felt bad wow look what we did to this Gem and then they felt even worse if he would have been near yakob for 22 years two sadim of the generation how much light would the world have we deprive the world from what what a Priceless gift now they really felt bad they found out who he was they never saw YF true depth and Beauty they hated him they didn't understand him for the first time an he actually took off his mask not just his physical mask his spiritual mask sometimes the greatest people in the world wear masks because people are not ready for the light they weren't ready for his light now they were they went through enough to be ready for his light wow and they couldn't they couldn't deal with it it says it they were afraid of his face why his face of himu because they saw his face they saw his pus P they saw his face and you know what he told them so says he puts in the word you know why I'm because you sold me to Egypt you don't understand the light you're seeing on me is because you sold me to Egypt you're thinking o we destroyed this kid's life we deprived the world from y of being with y no everything you're seeing is because you sold me but what do you mean how could selling a brother to Egypt be a good thing so he says you didn't sell me God sent me you thought you were doing it fine you thought you were treating me like a ping pong ball I wasn't sold I was sent this is how we comforted them at this point a from the word Asher it says Hashem told mha to make second tablets and he's going to write on the second tablets the first Commandments which were on the first tablets so says inash brings it comes from the word told thank you for breaking the actually the last words of rash so said how does a person say that it's crazy how does a person say that this was the second boyim the second boyim Wasim he looked at his entire life and he experience it from a different completely different perspective now I can understand how he could face his mother-in-law he wasn't embarrassed from paa's wife he was like oh my God you know most people you would think you would tell usas we're never going to your mother's house again you remember that time when you took your husband to your mother's house and somebody made a comment right after Shas and like for 30 years you had to fight with him to go back to the house like YF should say like I'm not going to her house forget it us we'll go to a hotel for p we'll go to hotel for for suus for for I'll pay I'm the Prime Minister I got the money we're not going to your mother's house she's a sick [Laughter] woman he had a lot of beef with Po's wife pun intended and I can't blame him either like if they came to me for consultation I would really understand him but he married his girl asnas because YF and this is this is his this this what the second boy represented he could even look at P's wife and he was so comfortable in his own skin he has reached such a place of internal confidence and healing that she and her ill fad choices really didn't Define him he defined himself his godliness Define himself that was already by masas and by aim he could therefore go deeper and say wow what a gift I have been given what a light I have been given what a diamond has been created deep deep under the Earth ah now now let's go back to the blessing so Yakov tells these two grandkids I want every Jew every Jewish father or Jewish mother when they bless their children to say God what's the greatest blessing you can give your child not just blessing in words energetically what's the deepest emotional blessing I can give my child number one one Masha the ability to know that you have a Divine core and Consciousness that nothing and nobody can diminish can compromise can weaken can of course not obliterate and Destroy and every time when you feeling pain and every time when you're overtaken by coping mechanisms and every time when those cut wires want to take you away from presence from relationship from Joy from making decisions from your deepest most authentic beautiful wholesome place remember Mas I am not defined I am not controlled by all the pain and suffering you are much much larger than any story that happened to you you could step away from complete identification with your pain I know somebody also very very close to me who told me that after all of his healing there's one thing he can do he can let go of his pain and you know why very very powerful reason he said the only witness that I have to everything that was done to me is my pain I don't have another witness I don't have a video camera if I let go of the pain I am killing the last witness I can't do that the fact that I walk around with pain and resentment is the witness it's the only witness that's left when he told this to me I thought of the words of Ellie wizel Ellie wizel was an A Survivor Bal Survivor and he became a Nobel Prize laate you probably read many of his works I happen to know him personally he was a good friend of my my father and my family so we used to come to S used to come to sim and he would often say he said why do I do all this talking why do I give all these speeches why do I write all these books you know he wrote a book Knight um what was her name Oprah went with him to outtz and sold millions of copies night his book Night is unbelievable book he wrote it a few years after the Holocaust I don't know if you want to read it cuz it's you're not going to be able to sleep at night but it's a it's quite a night quite the night and why do I write about this and he says because you know the Nazis burned the gas Chambers there's very little EV they didn't want evidence they're not like the Kamas Niks who took videos of October 7th the Nazis were most sophisticated they didn't want videos they didn't want pictures they tried to hide all the evidence so he says I want to be a witness not only do you murder me and my family now you're going to harm that you're Saints you were a good people we need Witnesses we need Witnesses crimes need Witnesses that's why when people don't speak out against crimes they are accompli to the criminals when people know stories and they hide them because they're afraid that their granddaughter won't get the right that she needs in Ben they're not afraid of God they don't have God they worship Society they conform to society now you got to do it with SA it's it's about helping people not stop being wild and chaotic but the point is you need Witnesses so this friend told me I can't let go of my pain CU it's my last witness I get it but there's something even deeper letting go of your pain does not mean forgetting your pain and it doesn't mean that you don't have a right whenever you need to grieve and to cry and to feel empathy for the pain that's not what letting go of the pain means letting go of the pain means you don't need the pain to Define who you are as a person cuz you're greater you're infinitely greater than any one of these painful experiences there's so much more to you there's so much more to your soul to your joy to your creativity but of course whenever you need you can go back to that pain grieve it cry and hold space for it and have empathy for it letting go doesn't mean I make believe it never happened and I'm never allowed to cry again I have to smile everything is perfect perfect perfect it couldn't be better we have t and we have some and 2,000 years later we still come back we don't say everything is good does Tish a person has a right and permission to experience their pain whenever they want but I'm not defined by it anymore my story is so much so much bigger than that that's a blessing to every child you should be able to have this in your life and then there's the blessing of you should be able to look back and see every difficulty as that which made your diamond it crafted your diamond that's where ysf could look back and say wow thank you I had an amazing life what do you mean you had an amazing life you suffered I suffered and I cried and I still cry but I became exactly who I became I became a light to the world a light to the world because of this YF would have never been this light to the world he would have been a fine good kid no question we would still love him but YF inspires eternity because he lived on the frequency of such depth that only a person who went through this type of grueling pain can experience you probably know this in your life sometimes you meet a person there's a halo around them you look into their eyes and you know that they get things in ways that other people just don't get it and it's usually because they went through profound pain maybe not true with everybody some people maybe are just gifted with some unique Insight but usually at least from my experience they went through a lot a lot of pain we don't always look at them and see that cuz YF didn't walk around and say by the way I was in a pit by the way you think you have TR trauma I'll talk to you about trauma today everybody is trauma trauma trauma trauma you were thrown out of school trauma you lost the keys to your car trauma you missed the airplane trauma why was class trauma trauma trauma trauma trauma trauma trauma you want to hear about trauma I'm Mr trauma I'm poster boy for trauma YF didn't have to do that because he was a happy human being but he also knew exactly what happened happened to him and he knew how to cry that's the blessing to every child so now we understand why manasha has to be the first Ephraim can't be the first ifraim gets the blessing with the right hand and here we come full circle but he can't be the first cuz if you skip Masha and go to a and before manasha it's called psychological and spiritual bypassing and it usually reeks Havoc there are people when they experience pain oh it's all good it's all good it's all good nothing happened be a everything you are F we use the beautiful words of to bypass and not acknowledge what is happening inside of usus is very very true in factus is the core of all trust of all healing but hash prus does not mean that you don't experience what your body experienced what happens when I skip the stage of Asha if I write away say it was perfect my life was exactly the way it had to be and I'm just smiling I'm suppressing the pain whenever you suppress things what we resists persists what I suppress or repress consciously or unconsciously stays there but you know what happens it waks Havoc unconsciously and I want you to understand this because this is important for people to understand when I don't allow my body to feel the pain which I usually don't because the body is afraid there's a reason we don't want to feel pain we are afraid of feeling pain we have to realize that but we have to also remember pain is painful but it's not dangerous but our body doesn't want to feel pain that's why we cut off because this was a survival mechanism but the problem is if my body can experience it it actually has the Divine mechanism to release it if I'm not allowed to experience it the body stores the pain I have cellular trauma and now I'm reacting to people from a place of very very deep pain and a need to suppress it which means so much of my mental energy is going into making sure that I don't feel pain so I'm not involved in relationships the moment my daughter or son says something that triggers my own pain I go crazy I don't even know why they didn't do homework tell me is that the end of the world how many times did you do homework why did I just get so triggered why you think it has to do with homework it's triggering something very deep that I'm not allowed to feel I invested 52 years and not feeling it are you crazy you're going to get me to feel it now of course I go crazy let's make everything work go to school make it work Let It Be Nice tidy I'm a good mother I'm wonderful I'm perfect back to life this is all a and that's why you're tortured inside we cannot go to a FR before man we don't have to be afraid of feeling our pain it's hard it's very hard there's tears there's grief there's a lot of empathy but we need to have that empathy because that 2-year-old kid that three-year-old kid that four-year-old kid whatever the age is didn't know the whole process of creation this was just a terrified boy or girl facing the abyss on their own and nobody was there to look this boy in the eyes and say I'm here can you feel the pain of that child what an abandonment yes one day he will realize and she will realize this was exactly their story and they could say an or an RA or I need Leo or I need whatever it is but till that point the body has to feel it and that's manasha then I could release it and I can also find the divinity in me that was not scathed then I can go to aim where there's transformation there's not only Transcendence there's not only connection with a deeper part but there's actually transformation in the ultimate purpose is reached because why do people go through their stories not just to go away from them but to transform them the deepest light is the light that's transformational but to get to transformation I first had have to be able to look at the reality I have to be able to hold the reality I have to be able to hold the different parts in me that operate with different realities I have to be able to pay tribute to it because if I don't suppress my pain if I feel my pain so now I'm not investing my mental energy in denying it and suppressing it it's actually here so you know what happens my mental energy can actually go to the part of me that is still free and liberated you understand the difference if my mental space is busy suppressing my pain that's what I'm involved with and everything I do consciously or unconsciously is to make sure I don't feel that pain and so many people are just doing that all day and that's why we feel so much dissonance disconnect CU all I'm doing is I want to make sure not to feel the pain how present in a relationship can you be if your entire objective is not to feel pain all I'm doing is denying whatever is coming up my wife says something I have to deny it in myself my child says something I have to deny that I say something and I'm just busy arguing with myself not you don't feel this way you don't feel this way you do feel you don't feel you don't feel you do feel but you see you're angry you're obsessive and you're anxious and you're making aass next week it should be the happiest day of your life why are you so anxious so you blame the caterer Caterers are Caterers my anxiety has to do with my internal state of mind doesn't mean the caterer is perfect but what happened is I'm so busy denying my pain to myself that I can't allow it even to come up for a second and I do everything to fix everything not to feel but what happens if I could first Embrace manasha and say yeah wow es it's there it didn't make me fruitful it caused such such heartache wow wow wow can you hug that child can you look that child in the eyes and give him or her empathy can you hold space for them and grieve with them and say yeah that's painful wow that is painful what you just said to me that felt so painful it triggered all my Terror and you know what then happens your body can actually release it and your brain and soul can go to a place in you that has so much love and confidence and power then and only then can I come to a FR him true to reach a you need the right hand blessing right is the right is the powerful blessing because it's a very very very deep place that needs jakob's right hand but Masha Remains the because I can never get to a FR before yet we say because even in the beginning of the journey even in his I need to know his even in the beginning of the journey I need to be able to know that the purpose of it all will be transformation the purpose of it all was going to get to aim but there's a process cuz manasha is the first and then comes to a FR I'm just going to finish with a 30 Second Story because I mentioned Ellie wiel so I'm going to finish with the story Ellie wiel wrote Memoirs two books he passed away a number of years ago a few years before he passed he wrote books two me Memoirs I think it's called all the rivers run to the Sea and the sea is not full if I'm not mistaken over there he tells a story that he was once visiting the LA it was late at night and he was there for a few hours and he would talk to the rebba about the Holocaust and his questions the rebba tried to convince to get married for 10 years he did not want to get married there was a reason he didn't want to get married he said I'm going to bring children to a world that was silent when they gazed my sisters my brothers and a million and a half children I'm not bringing more children to such a world he didn't want to get married he felt it was wrong to get married imagine for 10 years he writes this the rebba was trying to convince him to get married he got married in 1971 he he had a son he named his son after his father whose name was Alicia happens to be his son was born the same time I was born cuz he s told me that he was at my bris and my father was at his son's bris okay so he says one night after many hours the reab looked at him and said rebaz his name was elaz Reb elazar is there something I can do for you so he says yeah he says teach me how to cry again and he said in bald when his father was killed he never cried since that day his heart became like stone and a rock feels no pain and an island never cries and from when his heart turned into stone he says I never cried so he said teach me how to cry again and he says the rebba looked at him nodded his head with empathy and he said yeah but that's not enough I'm going to teach you how to sing I want to teach you how to sing and I think that the truth is that probably if you don't know how to cry you don't know how to sing because if I don't know how to cry it means that the valve of my emotions has been shut so therefore I need to be able to cry in order to sing but when I cry I want to be be able to go to the next space and with a lot of compassion and empathy Masha will lead me to a the right hand and the left hand are ultimately two parts of one body of one organism they're not contradictory to each other if I make real space for manasha for all the parts of me I can then feel my Divine soul my Divine soul will then lead me that not only do I know how to cry but also that I truly know how to sing and celebrate have a beautiful week stupendous is your English word next week there is a classem Tuesday 9:30 we're on thank you everybody for coming stay warm than I should probably shut this thank you Miriam is not here