How to influence my kids (Or anyone) to get closer to G-od? - Rabbi Alon Anava

Sisters, the main thing is just Baba pulling towards you. There's no one answer. Do A B Cuz one person needs to be smacked on his head. One person needs to have a lot of freedom. One person needs to just to have a lot of love. Each person is different. There's really no, you have to really, let's say, master it. Who needs to be pulling towards you? Come. Who needs to be pushed? Who needs to be scared? Who needs to be punched on his head? You know I have on our Shabbashem we all every Shabbat we have dozens of people and most of them are not religious I don't need to invite religious people I invite the non-religious people one time a one time on Pesak we had a full table everybody most of the people were not religious and some person sat next to me and he was whispering don't you mind you see this guy he's texting under the table I told him I don't mind because he's going to text either here. Oh, he's going to text somewhere else. I rather him hear kadush. I rather him eat matzah. I rather him eat kosher food and hear a little bit of Torah. I rather him see. So if I would tell him, oh why are you texting in my house? What would I do? He would be like, okay, and he would leave. There's really no there's no react to you. Every person child that's a whole thing I have so far five kids each child is a completely different system. One child of mine doesn't matter what I'm going to say he's always going to do his homework straight A's. I don't need to tell him to David. I don't need to tell him anything. He does everything by himself. The other child, nothing. So each child needs to get a completely different dose. And the one who doesn't do nothing, if I'm going to tell him bench never he will no da auntie. So each child is totally totally different. the other one who's tough. Oh, I have to constantly with a lot of love and a lot of fun. It's totally different. There's really I'm sorry I can't give you a short answer. You know, there's there's a there's raising kids that's a a whole thing in itself, but the basic is that's what King Solomon said. Everyone is according to their cle one needs to be loved, you give a lot of love. One needs to be choked, you choke. When it's time to choke, one needs to be firm, one needs to be not firm. There's you have to know who who needs what. And not only your kids, people around you, your neighbors, your guests, every people. I go to lectures, some lectures, I know that I need to be very tough because if not, people will be like, ah, some pe some lectures I see if I'm going to start being too, they'll be like, okay, no, Zabat, leave me alone. So it's mash you have to master you have to have sensitivity who needs to be pushed who needs to be pulled how do you know who which kind of people need to be tough to be there's no categorizing you you have to see with a with a person some people don't work well under pressure you put pressure on them they they they lose their focus you need to assist them some people you need to be by themselves there's no categories from this group to that group. It's like this. Unfortunately, there's no answer. The only way to really find tools is mam to learn to learn different aspects of how you deal with with educating and you really have to the thing is that when you refine yourself and you're able to find in yourself a place for each person, then you're able to interact with that person on their level. And to reach that you have to refine yourself and it's mainly for your own kids and people because if you have some type of a judgment or judgmental towards somebody then you're just going to see the negative part in that person and you're not going to be able to interact with that person. But if you can find in your heart a place for each one that's how you are going to be able to lash to influence somebody else. And the problem with most people, they do not find a place in their heart for anyone. He's a liar. He's has an ego. She's this. He's that. Most people they they look at the negative part of the person. So they'll never find the bridge to interact with that person. And the thing is that when I see a person do something, let's say it's not according to my, you know, approval, let's call it. If I judge that person and says, "Oh, look what he's doing. Look what she's then. I'm not leaving. I'm not creating any space in me so I can build this bridge to interact with that person because I'm imagining oh that person is like this the person is like that. So the place is that if you refine yourself, you know, the more you annoy yourself, the more you're able to receive. If you are a mitude and the more you annoy yourself, the more you make yourself nothing. The more you make yourself a nothing, the more you become a vessel to receive. You see with the in old generations, the more they make themselves a nothing, no existence, no mit, the more they can get. Abra says, I'm nothing. I'm I'm I'm nothing. The more you make yourself, the more you diminish your own ego, the more you create a vessel to have space for everybody. So a great person knows to make himself nothing to knows his virtues, but also to see the virtue in each person. And when you make space in yourself for each person, your kids or whatever, then you're able to build the bridge to meet that person. And if you making yourself, oh, I'm much better than him because he does this and I'm much better than her cuz she does that, then you'll never find the the the bridge. You need a bridge to each person. If I want to affect you, I need to find a common denominator, a bridge. Now, I don't know you, you don't know me. How are we going to bridge? Now, if I have a kid, I know my kids, I know this kid. What's the bridge that will connect me with him? So, by knowing who I'm dealing with, kids are a little bit harder because kids, it's like small adults. Kids are not kids. They're just small adults. They need to be treated like adults. But the thing is that when you put a space in your heart for anyone, you'll find the bridge. You'll be able to create the bridge. It's not so simple because every person is a world in itself. But the basic I really can't give you like a a a deep answer but the basic is you have to find room in your heart for everybody then you'll be able to heal each one to touch each person whether it's your kids your husband your your anyone and the thing is that you want to because if you are in the motion of receiving you'll never be in the motion of giving. If you're in the motion of giving you'll never be in the motion of taking technically. So if you want to influence everything around you, you have to constantly be spitting out. I may be using the wrong term, but the main one of the main rules can like float to to give out. How do you say float in English? I think giving is actually yeah, giving is good. But what I'm trying to say is that there's a main rule in when you learn for for one of the topics is meat and dairy. So the main the main rule is that when something is busy exporting giving it cannot take. Okay? That's when you see when you casher things in the kitchen when something is busy giving it can't take. So if you want to be the one who's giving then you constantly have to be in the motion of giving. If you come to a relationship and what can I get from that then you're not going to be giving at that point. So each relationship of course there's a giving and a receiving. But if you're asking how to be a mashia how to be the one who is influencing then you have to be constantly in giving. If you coming to a relationship say okay what am I getting? you're not going to you're not going to be able to give. But it's a to raise kids. It's a that's a you know when you finish doing it then you're like ah now I understand. But the the the bottom line I can tell you already is understanding and a lot of love. We have another yes.