How to Forgive: Are You Under G-d or Are You One With G-d?

i have the honor of dedicating today's class in the loving memory of esther basitzchak esther horgan was murdered last sunday the fifth day of tevus 5 7 81 december 20th 2020 in the ryan forest right near her home in the sumerian chamron settlement known as tel menasha i spoke to her husband binyamin in the middle of the shiva and he shared with me that that sunday his wife went for a run in the forest beautiful forest near their home he said for 30 years there was never an incident there but there was an arab terrorist waiting in the forest it seems like waiting for the next jew to murder and esther was running and she was brutally murdered on sunday this was the middle of daylight and then he he didn't hear from her and he called the police and they began a search and they found her lifeless and holy body in the forest esther was an extraordinary person she was filled with love and life and light and joy she radiated a passion for life a passion for love a passion for giving all around her and her family and her community she was an exceptional individual [snorts] her husband described to me what a beautiful last shabbos the family had together with some of their children may they all be well and then she was brutally murdered on sunday so i uh we dedicate this class in her sacred and holy honor and loving memory and her husband texted me before that they're going to dedicate soon a big sec a park in the forest in her name and her memory now that the shiva has come to an end i'm also very privileged and fortunate that esther enjoyed our classes she and her husband for many years would listen they're part of the family and the student body of the yeshiva.net and they would listen to these shooting regularly and she enjoyed them tremendously so i feel very privileged to have had such a such a participant such a student such an exceptional person and source of light to so many and our heart really goes out to her husband to her beautiful children to her both of her parents to her siblings to the entire extended family immediate family extended family to all the friends and relatives to the entire community of talmination really unspeakable sickening horrific tragedy unfathomable what a person is capable of doing to an another innocent person her crime being a jew living in our holy land so this class is dedicated in her loving memory and may hashem comfort yurabinyamin i know you're tuned in and your entire family give you the strength and the inspiration you need during this very very difficult and tragic hour you're in our thoughts you're in our prayers your grief is our grief the grief of the entire land of israel and the grief of the entire jewish people and the grief of all innocent human beings the world over from such a heinous evil senseless act of terror is a stab in the chest of the jewish people of humanity and of goodness and of holiness we're here with you we support you we pray for you and we give each other strength and say as we're going to say this week if you open up your source sheets let's see a um let's see the powerful moment in parishes after yaakov avenue passes away okay so take a look this is genesis the end of genesis chapter 50 verse 15. let's remember the story you have it in the hebrew you have it in english the brothers of joseph saw that their father passed away and they said what if joseph is now going to display his grudge against us all the hatred and negativity he has stored up against us is now going to come out and he's going to pay us back for all the wrong that we did to him they sent a message to their brother joseph and they say that your father left instructions before he died please forgive your brothers please forgive them for the sin that they committed against you treating you so badly it's a request of your father joseph listens to these words and the terrorist says he cries and then his brothers follow up and they approach him and they offer themselves as slaves what does the isif respond this is his incredible response i'm going to read it in the hebrew and translate yousef says to them don't be afraid am i under god am i in the place of god the you might have intended to harm me but god intended it for good to accomplish was what is now being done the saving of so many lives in an entire nation and he says don't be afraid i'll provide for you and your children he reassured them and he comforted them and he spoke to their heart and he calmed them down that's the story i want to focus on a few words joseph says to them don't be afraid like him on me literally it means am i under god what is that supposed to mean what does the isis mean don't be afraid because i'm i under god or as it's usually translated am i in the place of god what how is that connected to anything how does that explain the reason that he's not going to harm them he says i am not in the place of god i am not god okay therefore they did do him wrong they did harm him and they were afraid that it's going to be payback time so therefore they said your father asked us to ask you to forgive us and they offered themselves a slaves and compensation for what they have done to him they would become his slaves and his servants for life granted so joseph says don't you first is crying he's very emotional then jesus says don't be afraid i am not in the place of god you thought to do me harm but god intended it for good in other words everything you did to harm me ultimately ended up resulting in wonderful wonderful and good results they throw them in a pit they sell them into slavery ultimately he becomes the viceroy of egypt and he saves everybody from famine including his father and his brothers and their families but what does he mean with these words am i instead of god it's difficult to understand so therefore rashi gives us an interpretation in order to make sense of it what does rashi say rashi says that joseph was telling his brothers do you think i can replace god and harm you if i wish to look at what happened to you you planned to harm me it didn't work because god didn't want you to harm me so why are you afraid of me you're afraid that i'm going to harm you am i god i can't harm you i'm incapable i don't have the potency i simply don't have the power to be able to afflict harm on you it's up to god if he wants he will if not not and he's proving it from himself he says look at my story you guys tried to kill me you guys tried to sell me as a slave you guys tried to get rid of me and look what happened you never got rid of me not only did you not harm me you ultimately did me the greatest favor and you did everybody else the greatest favor which means you could plan from today till tomorrow but ultimately the results and the consequences are not up to you so therefore i don't know why you're afraid of me so basically he's telling his brothers don't fear maybe i would like to take revenge of you maybe i would like to harm you but you know what i'm not the boss god's the boss you tried to take revenge of me it didn't work so my taking revenge of you may not work either yet it seems that joseph was trying to reassure them he cried he spoke to their heart he offered him solace he offered them comfort it's a little bit of a strange way it would seem to reassure them it's like basically saying guys you know i may kill you i may try to kill you but hey if god wants he'll protect you you don't have to fear my revenge [snorts] it's a little bit of a strange way of comforting them according to rashi it may seem that joseph was really chastising them joseph was giving them some rebuke for their fear and dread he was basically telling them your attitude is misplaced what happened to your faith in the creator of the world in other words you're not trusting fully that everything that happens is from god this may be the explanation or the joseph is not trying to scare them like i'll try to kill you but let's see what god has in mind but rather he's like rebuking them why are you so fearful other commentators the sefarno the they give alternative explanations but today i want to discuss one insight that comes from the great hasidic master rabbi levi yitzhak of bharadichev and we're going to learn it inside from his work kadusa slavy it's in the source sheets it's the next piece in the source sheets you see it says katusa slavi parishes a few words about the author of this book this great individual known in the jewish world as rabbi levi yitzhak of the city of bardic for instagram was born in the year hey allah from tafkoff 1740. in the ukraine he became one of the greatest students of the maggot of ms rich rabdiv bear the rebel rebel rabbino dave bear of ms rich in the ukraine who was the great student and successor of the founder of the hasidic movement rabbi israel balshamtif the balshampton was born in 1698 and he passed away 1760 and ibrahimovic was born twenty years before the balsamic was passing which would be 17 40. [clears throat] let's go by dichev even though he's not so known as this was a great gun as as a child he was known as an ely as a genius he was a talmudic prodigy and a genius an exceptional scholar in torah in shasta poiskon and aloha he was a rav in a place called rocheville he was a love in a place called jalakhav he was a rav in a place called pinsk these were all quite power quite um respected communities in the jewish world and then at the end of his life he became the famous rabbi of bardichev by dichov is a city in the ukraine and he's known as that became his new uh his new his new place his new location he was known in the jewish world as an exceptional mind and an exceptional heart he was known as the eye of yisrael the ultimate lover of the jewish people his passion his affection for the jewish people was legendary and unprecedented they called him the son aguero israel the advocate the lawyer of the jewish people because of the many teachings and insights and emotions that he displayed towards people and towards god showing his love for humanity his love for the world his love for the jewish people his love for other people in general passed that would be a tough iron would be in october 1809 right after the 25th of tishrei it was approximately 69 1740. so he was 69 69 years old and that's where he's buried in the city of bardichev i had the privilege of being at his resting place in bardichev in ukraine where many jews still come and visit he has a book a safe it's called kadusa slavi it's a commentary on hummus and it's a commentary on the holidays and then there's some other scattered commentary on different parts of gemura different parts of some responso but today we're going to focus on a piece of kadusa's levy in parishes of let's take a look joseph said to his brothers don't be afraid am i under god am i in the place of god for uncles uncles the great aramaic translator of the humas translates these words non-literal he says are dachala hashem anna don't be afraid because i am fearful of god but when you read the literal words of the passage the targum's translation is really not there it doesn't seem like an accurate translation at all joseph did not say don't be afraid because i am a god-fearing person that would make sense don't be afraid because i don't take revenge of people i believe in god i let god punish that makes sense i'm afraid of god i don't do things on my own just because i'm in a bad mood i'm in an angry mood but that's not what he says he says don't be afraid because am i under god am i a replacement of god basically what he's saying is am i in the place of god rashi therefore gave a very different interpretation i'm not in the place of god and therefore i don't have the power to harm you but the tagamunkala says that what joseph was saying is don't be afraid because i am a god-fearing human being wonderful but it doesn't say that it says in the place of god he's not saying i'm a god-fearing person he's asking a question do you think i'm god where did the targum see this explanation in the words it seems very far-fetched and remote venerea the way i understand that is as follows this is the principle in life a human being in all of his or her characteristics and attributes ought to experience vacuous means alignment attachment connection to the creator a person ought to understand that what does it mean to be an adam what does it mean to be a person that i am a mirror a reflection of my creator i become like a continuum of the divine in fact the word adam the shallow says the etymology is adama because man was taken from earth adam is earth but the shallow says there's a deeper meaning in adam adam actually comes from the word doimer adam ellian there's an expression of khadnezor says i'm going to reflect the supernal one god so he meant it in an arrogant way of hubris i'm going to be like god el alba musi and i'm going to elevate myself to the highest platforms i'll become similar to god in a deeper sense what does it mean to be on adam to be an other means that you're a reflector the word adam from the word dima dimian de mus you're an image you're a replica professor abraham joshua heschel who came from great hasidic lineage and masters once said when did god violate the commandment the second commander of the ten commandments that you shouldn't have you shouldn't make any images reflecting god called don't make a carved image or picture reflecting god he said when did god violate that commandment he said when he created the human being when he created the human being he so to speak violated that commandment because he did create something in the image of god and of course his point was this point that the true adam what does it mean to be truly a person what does it mean living up to one adam adam means i become a reflector of the divine in other words my entire life is aligned with the divine reality with the divine energy now the human being is a true image of god so my behavior my characteristics become divine like and he says bemidji so when it comes for example to the attribute of year the attribute of awe of fear is i can be afraid of people i can be afraid of my reputation i can be afraid that i'm not getting the attention or the validation i need but then i'm living in a space of a void in a space emptiness i can be afraid of the social uh of the social uh climate i can be afraid of somebody's opinion about me whatever another whatever a person is afraid of i could be afraid of the future of my country i can be afraid of this individual of this company of this reality etcetera but ibrahimovic says on adam is somebody whose era their quality of fear their quality of or their quality of reverence which is part of the human condition it's part of the building blocks of the human brain we have that capacity should be an awe of the almighty which is called iris hashem is the attribute of love i can be in love with my destructive habits or cravings or inclinations i can be in love with my addictions i can be in love with my distractions and again those are loves that don't fill up my deepest core because i am not aligned with my deepest core what is the true love is hashem to be in love with god and as we're learning now this week in the mimer in terror early from the balatanya who was born five years after routing so whistleblowers was born in 1740 latanya was born tough coffee 1745 and he passed away three years after the wilson bardichev so the balatanya says which we've been learning this week in the morning we'll continue learning it tomorrow morning you can tune in 7 30 a.m to the yeshiva.net hashem and he discusses that the different layers of love there's avas ailam there's ava rabbah there's abba bataan different layers of love but the first basic level of love is that i am in love with god and what does it mean to be in love with god we think it's a very far-fetched thing but as he explains there and explains in other places that really love god because he constitutes your life meaning if you really love yourself if you really love your life you already love god because what is life life is the energy of life the reality of life what do you love you say i love my life what what exactly you love i love my thai i love my watch i love my coffee i like my coffee i love i love my body i love my nose you say i love my life what is that life that life is divine the divine energy that pulsates through every single person's life it doesn't only pulsate through life it is the pulsating life the vibrancy the animation the vitality the soulfulness of every single creature every single living organism every single human being is divine energy that is your life so to love god is really a way of saying to love the true life to to love your truest essence to love your reality because the reality of reality is divine energy this is deep but that's the point so the bit of what you say is what's love what's my ultimate love and my love is aligned when it's doverk when it's it mirrors it reflects and it's completely connected to the divine to the divine energy and all real love stems from that love to your spouse love to your child love to yourself ultimately love to other people love to family love to community love of humanity love of the jewish people continues i could love you for external reasons and i could love me for external reasons and that's a very superficial love but the real love is love that's eternal it's absolute it doesn't change every day because it's the love of the divine in me and the divine in you and the divine in the world and that love exists everywhere because the divine exists everywhere then you have the quality of tifares this is the third media tifaris literally means beauty aesthetics harmony glory um hashem says beautiful words in yeshaya the navi ishaya chapter 49 in whom the israel you are the person in whom i boast i'm glorified through you i am glorified through you why am i glorified through you because you are a replica of the divine when somebody sees you they see an ambassador of divine love of divine beauty of divine harmony israel in you i boast in you i brag you are my beauty you you glorify me that's the dimida satyafera is a person's beauty becomes a beauty that reflects the divine beauty and the same is true with all other attributes and all other characteristics of a human being interesting words this is what it means to live in the world of truth what is he saying usually we say ulama emma says gannadan after a person passes away after 120 you go to the islam as you go to the world of truth but in the hasidic writings that distinction is much more subtle it's not so you know there's before you die and after you die i could be living in this world in ghanaian i could be living in this world in my la mammoth is a state of consciousness it's called in a world of truth it's just after a person passes away there's no fooling oneself because the veils are gone so things are not eclipsed things are not distorted reality is very clear but that reality doesn't begin after death that reality exists right now i could live in a place in an environment of purgatory and i could live in a place of truth i luma emma's what's the opposite of allah purgatory what's the word the word comes in the word shall means borrowed what does borrowed mean when i live i borrowed life i'm living in purgatory i'm living in the abyss because i'm not living my life i'm living a borrowed life i borrow my life from you i'm busy mimicking you and copying you and responding to you so i'm living in a place of purgatory i'm living in a place of of torture i'm living in a place of anxiety of stress the world is says living in a space of truth means living in a space of full alignment full alignment with your truest and deepest self what does it mean to be fully aligned with your truest and deeper self it means to be aligned with the ultimate reality and that is the divine reality so that my media has become a reflection of that and this is the work of a person the time you discuss is at length how throughout our life we battle between two different states of consciousness and animal state of consciousness our reptilian brain which basically is instinctive and is trying to survive and just find instant gratification and our prefrontal cortex our transcendent [snorts] our transcendence our transcendent soul which is our divine soul and we operate between those two levels of consciousness in which space do i live where do i live do i become an adam who was a reflection of the world of truth or do i become a person who lives in a world of superficiality and often in a world of falsehood and emptiness now come very powerful words from the holy bodhichever the imtavins if you understand what i just said and the reason he says this is because these writings are so brief or so concise the custom of most hasidic masters of the early generations and later generations as well was that even they barely wrote but even when they did it right it was so cryptic it was so brief it was so concise that really you had to have so much background to understand it and maybe a lot of that a lot of the people who were reading it mostly they felt it even though they didn't understand that they they felt it they they had uh they were in an environment where these words spoke to them but that's why he says if you'll understand what i said because it really needs a lot of elaboration you'll understand the statement of our sages in the talmud the gemara says how do we know that hashem called yaakov kale god the passage says lake israel rashford brings it as one of the interpretations shakkadeshwar karliyak of kale hashem calls yaakov kale a god now that's very very strange judaism is based on the fact that there's one god and a human being is no god we all are connected to god we're all created by god we we all have a direct relationship with god there's no intermediaries we dive in directly we speak directly to god but the gemara says hashem called the yak of a god next the god the angels in the future will declare before this like we say about hashem god is holy holy holy they're going to say the angels are going to say this to the sadique and says all of these statements of our sages are deeply enigmatic what does this mean similar statements you have another he mentions here a few but you have quite a few throughout the literature of gemara paveli and xiaomi and madrish and zohar all around this theme which if it's misunderstood it could really be misconstrued as as ideas that are very alien to judaism there's no need to elaborate here but everybody understands this seems like these can be this can be perceived as dangerous and yet as he says this is this is the meat and potato of judaism this is not some sentiment of some individual and he explained this is a an exceptional madris rabbi and pasha's vaishi i think saudi zion that zip code yaakov on his deathbed he gathers his children and again he uses an expression exception an extraordinary expression like to look inside always get smacker yakov in on his death but he summons his children to bless them so what does he say to them this is perique memphis passage base genesis 49 verse 2. he cuffed suvashimubnayakov gather and listen children of yaakov hearken listen to you straw your father now we see a lot of redundancy first it says he calls his children he says gather together and i will tell you what's going to happen to you at the end of days and then he says he cuffed to gather vishimo banayakov listen children of yaakov and listen elias how many times is he telling them to listen sounds like a teacher is trying to get the attention of his kid listen listen listen listen it's going to be a good story how do we explain this so the madrid says it's an incredible madrish yeah i said southern zion's other quests okay i told you that zip code gimmel he coughs and listen you have to say it differently vershimu listen because your father israel is ale he's divine you know who hashem is you stroll your father that's what the gemara says in megillah that hashem called yakov just like hashem creates worlds your father creates worlds just like hashem divides the worlds and allocates different parts of the world your father does the same thing listen because you stroll our victim is kale what do all these things mean i'm just adding to the resources another incredible yerushalmi sauron speaks about one of the sages of balazar when he's in the yeshiva in caesarea in quesarin this is what the pasek means in hawaii hashem is in his holy chamber the zohar says it says three times a year you should go up to see god says who is the face of god you want to go see this is again all these things if they're misunderstood one can easily misconstrue them says if you understood what i said in the beginning of this piece then you'll understand what all this means he doesn't explain i think what he's saying the way i understand it based on many other hasidic texts of the bodhichev and of his colleagues the great masters of the hasidic tradition is the true person the ultimate person is the person who loses their entire ego and separateness and therefore they become a conduit for hashem's infinity and that's the lama emma's that's what ultimate vegas means ultimate vegas means that i becomes completely one with the source of reality so that there's no separateness anymore because the truth is that a nightmare the truth is as we discuss many times that there is oneness hashem doesn't only there is one god but that god is oneness to be in a relationship with god means you're in a relationship with oneness there's a oneness that pervades all realities and one is that pervades all of you even though there's so much going on in me there's so many thoughts and conflicts and polarities it's true but there's a deeper level of oneness that's the state of hashem enough there's nothing outside of him when i can let go of all my wounds and my scars and my expectations of what my life has to look like and my expectations of what things are supposed to be like i'm not supposed to be like and get rid of all my inner shame and self-loathing and inner hate and insecurity and fear and dread and holding on to the past and holding on to the future and transcending my depression and my anxiety and my stress and i could become a conduit for divine love so then the eyes ceases to be separate the balsamic one said says i stand between you and god to speak and share with you the word of god so that was what really stand between you and god is that sense of separateness the fact that i have to carry my ego my self-consciousness the burden of existing as something separate is what separates me from my own divine infinity but if all the doors of perception were cleansed and if all the doors of toxicity were extricated then everything would appear as is infinite an infinite aspect of divine light so when [snorts] hashem calls yaakov kale it's not because we believe god forbid in polytheism judaism is monotheistic there is oneness it means that the real ultimate sadiq is the person who has the courage and the resilience and the inner serenity and the fortitude to let go of self-consciousness and allow themselves to become a conduit for their true self which is true de vegas this is what it means to live in vegas to live in vegas means to live in complete alignment now this is very very deep work this is not i snap my fingers and i'm there vegas is an ongoing it's ongoing work every single morning when i wake up to say today i want to live in a space of dwecos and it's minute by minute hour by hour day by day week week month by month but that's the tsadik so therefore the gemara says that yaakov is called kale and that sadaq becomes one with hashem so he builds worlds we are co partners with god and in the ultimate vegas you're not separate at all the you and god become one there's an expression of the mitila rabbit the son of the bellatonia the the on the ultimate truth of existence the yeshua the yesh the the the the being of existence of the of the existing of the the being of every existing reality becomes completely one with the true source of existence with the true yesh with the true somethingness so therefore he can call yaakov therefore the gamora says who is pineal desire says that's why the yoshimi and bequarium could say hashem that's why the governor could say in magilla that are going to say before that saddiq qaddash or the gemara could say i mean that they're going to be called by the name of hashem in other words that the ultimate sadduce is not somebody who does nice things only of course he does nice things the ultimate sadiq is the one who lives in full alignment so that his or her entire being and existence is nothing but a conduit for the divine energy there's an expression in madras about martial speaks like a harp the harp or the other musical instrument the piano becomes the instrument through which the music flows the music plays to the point that you don't even what if you could become an instrument when you don't see separateness anymore the entire instrument is a conduit for the music so the instrument becomes completely one with the music it's not separate that's the idea of the vegas he says this is what it means to live in a world of ms to live in a world of truth and this is of course the ultimate self-fulfillment because i reach that place in me where i am fully aligned with my core and therefore all my heartstrings are playing and the resonance of the divine music flows through it now this doesn't mean the person is living a perfect life and everything is wonderful these were people who struggled and they experienced heartache and they experienced very distressing leviticus did not have an easy life he had a difficult life but their approach to everything in life was as a divine ambassador in this world not as a separate being who is detached this is complete oneness now listen to his words he's going to say something incredible here in my mind it's incredible when a person is connected and all of his media is to the creator he's not under hashem he's completely one with hashem he's not under god his commission is but if he does not align himself with all of his middles to the divine us who take us then he's under hasha which means very very powerful words tahas alaikum means i'm under god doesn't mean i'm under god god is above me and i am under him god is the boss whether you like it or not god is the boss of the world so we're all under god but he says but that's not the true meaning of life the true meaning of life is that you shouldn't be under god you are divine you are a part of the divine what does it say in the svardam that a soul of a jew is a khelikali kami mao the balatanya has the word mamesh in tanya chapter 2 it's real mamash means it's real it's you you can touch it you can feel it i'm not exaggerating so he says you're not takasa like him you're not under your father you're not under your mother you're a part you're a continuum he says you're dawg basha davik means it says in partisans where's the word davok first the davak you cleave to your spouse you become one rashi says because the child that's born god willing from a from a from a couple from a father and a mother that child is the father and is the mother there's a complete enmeshment complete oneness and synthesis and integration that's created you're not under your wife the mean doesn't mean you're under your you're under your wife vedavac means you become one there's the vacus so he says means i look at god okay you're the boss you're up there and i'm down there i'm this little guy trying to figure out and i'm basically a nebuchad completely dependent on you i have nothing i am just under you and i'm really a very it's a very uh victimized and somewhat it could be also a depressing and melancholy state of existence there was a there was a philosopher who considered himself an atheist and he once said he once said these words and are very striking he said i think it was i think it was nietzsche frida kniechi he said if there was a god i would want to be him if there was a god i want to be god why does god have all the power who gave him all the power yeah amen you're working in a company and there's one guy who makes all the decisions all the decisions that has who are you who nominated you i want to have the power you decide everything in this world you decide my fate everybody else is faint so what's the next step the next step is i don't want to live with so much pressure sometimes i hear the the debates of some of the atheists with the christian theologians and and and one of the big things of the atheists they start describing the god of the bible right and and the key the the key term that always comes out is this is tyranny why do you want to live in tyranny you live in the world of the bible you're living under tyranny me it feels like north korea and there were people there were very precious people friends and students who have shared this with me they feel like they're in north korea god is watching you everything is scrutinized everything is monitored you say an extra word you're going to burn you do something wrong everything is accounted for you're gonna be paid back there's gonna be retribution there's nothing that doesn't go unnoticed everything is monitored and remember you think google knows everything google knows nothing god knows everything and that means a lot because google knows everything [laughter] today you can't doubt anymore when it says in prayer as god sees there's always an eye that sees in an ear that hears me and say come on who knows what's doing in my bedroom but if google knows certainly god knows if the little g knows then the big g knows for russian jewish boy sergey brin comes and creates a company google that's worth billions and billions of million dollars and knows everything about everybody good or for bad right certainly the creator of the world knows everything that's happening for some people that's too much pressure leave me alone leave me alone says the badichiva you got it wrong your perception is takas you're not don't put god in heaven and you're the little slave down there and then why does god have the power i want the power you're missing the point god god is is a word that we use it's a limited term god is reality you are reality you're part of the divine reality it's not two separate things not god sits in heaven and monitors you hashem is reality and you are reality you are an aspect of reality you are the divine light in this world now it's hard for us to wrap our brains around us because we're not used to thinking this way this is counterintuitive for many of us we are used to a much more um we're used to thinking of things in much more fragmented ways and much more dichotomized ways in ways of victimhood more gullies is introducing us here to the one of the basic teachings of the of anoint mulvaney you are really the divine it's not a joke when hashem calls yaakov it means if you tune into the yakov in you if i could strip away all the layers what am i um i am the divine light in this world that's where the gemara says hashem you're a messenger you're an ambassador of god in this world you are him you represent hashem it's not just you do things that hashem likes it's much deeper than that it's that in the ultimate sense there is complete complete vagus complete oneness i am basically god's representative in this world i am him i am an aspect of his infinity not because my ego is big because my ego doesn't exist because the real eye is a conduit for the divine eye so this is what the trumpet says it's not you're one with eli kim you are an aspect of elokim you are the light of elite kim in this world oh come back to yourself come back to yourself the brothers are afraid that joseph is going to take revenge you know what joseph says don't be afraid like him says translate those words literally you think i'm under god i'm not under god that's not how i see myself it's never how i saw myself i never saw myself that way remember what i told you the day we met and i revealed my identity to you and you thought i'm gonna take revenge what did i tell you i told you you did not sell me killing myself three times he uses the word shlishes three times in three verses [snorts] in this world i am the extension i am the expression the manifestation of ali kim in this world that's who i am the real person is infinite you're afraid of revenge you're afraid i'm gonna harm you i don't live in that space i live in the space of the divine take a look at him this is now how the uncle got from the words of joseph to translate those words the way the uncles translates them which frankly seems very inaccurate the targum uncle sometimes uses i don't know if the word is poetic license but targum uncles uses context to sometimes translate a word not precisely usually the unclass follows the literal translation but sometimes if uncles feels it could be misconstrued so uncles will give you a different a slightly different interpretation to give context especially when it comes to issues of the divine anthropomorphisms etc but here joseph says am i under god and the tiger monkeys takes out the question mark puts an exclamation point so to speak and says i am fearful of god what does he say where does he say this says what did the isis say like him so everyone translates he said am i in the place of god that's not what he said foreign [snorts] i am an expression of years hashem you don't have to be afraid of me my attribute of fear of or is like the era of hashem it's a reflection of the year of hashem it's completely one with hashem it's completely directed towards hashem just like my other middles all my middles are not takas they are a reflection of the divine and what the badichiva is saying is something even deeper the targum doesn't say i reduce i am afraid of god that wouldn't be in the words of joseph hashem is not i'm afraid of god my year is the year it's not just i am afraid of god like asakas no my year reflects the attribute of era of hashem because all the attributes that we have come from hashem's attributes the love of god and the awe of god and the splendor of god and the victory of god and the submission of god and the bonding of god and the royalty of god and the wisdom of god our medias in the essence are reflections of is a reflection of hashem it's divine and therefore in that place of year shaman that's what yirusha mine really means doesn't just mean i'm afraid of god that he's going to do something bad to me i'm afraid of god means i'm always in the presence of infinity i'm in or of infinity because i'm in the presence of infinity i'm an ambassador of infinity that's my type of year is such a person will not take revenge of his brothers such a person is capable of forgiveness always because one of our deep why can't we forgive what's the challenge of forgiveness now here i have to speak up say something about forgiveness forgiveness doesn't mean that if somebody continues to harm innocent people we just say i forgive you then forgiveness is not an attribute or a virtue sometimes i am being an accomplice to the criminal if somebody is abusing people i say oh i forgive i forgive you're not helping anybody in fact you're becoming a partner a silent partner with the criminal forgiveness means somebody who apologized somebody who has remorse somebody who expressed remorse somebody who asks me for forgiveness these brothers came and they they they asked for forgiveness they said yaakov said you should forgive they said we want to be slaves now there is forgiveness when somebody doesn't ask for forgiveness but if they're continuing to do the crime it's a whole different situation i just want to qualify that because people shouldn't take this wrongly so what joseph is telling his brothers is also something very deep the reason i have such a hard time to forgive is because you really hurt me in my core you destroyed me but when you realize that your core is invincible and your core is divine and you're the gods ambassador in this world then your power is so much different because it's not even your power it's god's power nobody can destroy god nobody can obliterate hashem nobody can extinguish hashem's light nobody can extinguish your light your joy your potency your power your confidence your inner core you are invincible you are full of promise and possibility and optimism and happiness and confidence and wholeness now i know you feel otherwise about yourself especially if you experience pain during your childhood so your neural pathways or my neural pathways may be trained to tell me that i am a victim and when you say something to me i get very very triggered and my trauma comes back or my wounds rise to the surface and i sink into my melancholy and depression for a day or for a week or for a month until i get out of it and i have to have compassion for that and you have to have compassion for that but never define that as your core and as your essence sometimes my neural pathways are just trained to go into that direction immediately without challenging it because that's the only reality of the self i know a self that's filled with guilt and shame and fear and dread and insecurity and self-loathing and self-obliteration and self-destruction but if i could tell myself my middles are really a reflection of infinity i could contain my scars i could contain my wounds i could contain my trauma they don't contain me i contain them they don't define me i define them so that i could notice what is happening to me when you say this i'm triggered so deeply if i could notice it create space for it have compassion for it but then realize that there is an eye that is observing it and therefore that eye is not defined by it and that eye is always aligned with infinity and i can choose to direct with compassion my focus and my energy on that inner eye which is a reflection of the divine eye and that's where real forgiveness comes from because there's a place in me that always remained whole that you could never ever take away that's the divine place where i'm not selective i'm completely dovok i'm completely connected to god this is how joseph comforts his brothers this is how the bodhichev explains his words when joseph says i'm going to conclude with a story it's a story about the person who wrote these words and i have to tell you it's one of those incredibly moving stories that if we internalize and we take seriously i think can have a very powerful impact on us unfortunately as i mentioned he was a rabbi in a few communities and he was expelled from each of them the last rabbinate was in a city called pinsk and one of the leading figures of the community of pinsk a man named raba vigdor was very very opposed to the fledgling to the young hasidic movement and its hasidic teachers was one of his targets and therefore he expelled him and his family until he came to bardichev where he was accepted gracefully and and given tremendous respect and honor and where he lived during the later years of his life until his death in in 1809 in one of his communities where he lived there was a wealthy affluent jew who despised him now you'll ask me how can you hate your blavitzakova dichev that's a good question and i don't know the answer to that but i guess if you're indoctrinated for many years and there is confirmation bias and you have your own misery and bitterness and you never bother to transcend your subjectivity and you remain stuck in the quagmire of your narrow orbit and narrow perceptions you can develop hate even to the greatest of the great even though you never you don't even know them this person hated the music of bardichev and he always tried to undermine him and to prove that he is a charlatan but how do you do it people saw this as a man who who was not just kind he was a he was a piece of holiness you see you you saw the bill he was just he he was a piece of divine fire he was he was holy fire everybody loved him till today till today people loved about the trevor they loved mentioning him telling stories of him sharing his teachings he's he's like alive in the jewish world today the badichover is like he's part of the vocabulary and he always represents he brings out the best feelings of people positivity always positivity always that's something positive he wasn't a naive person by the way he was he was a very big london he was an analytical mind he was a big scholar he was a very very deep person people think he was just a naive warm you know a grandmother like figure who just said sweet things and gave candies to everybody the bodhichever was a great talent it was a great talmud was a great sky he was a great mind but he was a holy mind he was a deep mind in any case so this person who was quite sly and shrewd decided he has a trick it was before him killer he comes to his home and he says rabbi i want to ask forgiveness for everything i have done to you do you forgive me he says of course of course i forgive you he says rabbit for this we have to say lechaya and he brought alcohol known as exonensic and 96 of alcohol and he gives the badichiver a cup he fills up a cup he says and the badichiva drinks he makes believe as he's drinking i guess he pours it out in his uh in his kapota and his beckasha and his long frock and his coat and he says rabbi i think for such reconciliation we need a second and he fills up a second cup 96 percent alcohol and the bad itch of again says drinks it and he gets rid of his alcohol he says rabbi three times is a kazakh three times means it's eternal let's do it again and everybody it's about drinks a third time this man is so ecstatic because he knows what is likely to happen in a few minutes the rabbi of the city will be out cold and he will probably be sleeping for 12 hours and he will miss connidre the holiest night of the year the holiest prayer the rabbi will be discovered as an alcoholic as a drunkard somewhere lying under the couch or under a chair drunk on the night of him kipper what better proof does he need to produce to show that this man is no jewish rabbi this man is an alcoholic this man cavacal is a drunkard this man needs to be driven out of the city at once or was he excited he went home rubbing his hands with glee 96 of alcohol three cups [laughter] even in ukraine it has an effect how astounded and disappointment this affluent man was when he came to shul him kippur at night with his kittle and his talos and he comes into the synagogue for committer and who's there the vietnam in his serene state of devakis of oneness with the reborn okay he was quite disappointed because he thought he really scored here he had a home run and he would finally expel him from the city after my of the night of him keep it is accustomed to many jewish communities that many jews stay in shul and they say the whole tehillah and had that custom and he used to be the khazen he would stand by the standard and he would go through the hotel it's done in many communities i grew up on a shore they did it after my roof they would stay in shul and say the whole to hillary hour and a half two hours whatever it is the badichiva starts saying and he says to him as usual with passion and gusto and zest he comes to the end of capital then of capital end of chapter 41 of psalms it reads as follows literally it means god how do i know that you love me you will not allow my enemies to triumph over me the bodhichavist comes to this verse and he says it three times with tremendous focus and concentration this is how i know god king david says this is how i know that you love me that you desire me you will not allow my enemies to triumph over me urea is from the word triumph victory be victorious over me defeat me you will not allow my enemies to defeat me and destroy me that's how i know you love me three times he says this how do i know god that you love me you will not allow my enemies to destroy me but then shockingly he begins translating this verse into yiddish and he gives an original translation you see urea is usually translated triumph but urea also comes from the word which means evil negative harming lahara you wanted to do something bad for me he translates in yiddish i'll say it in edition hashem how do i know that you love me you will never ever cause any harm to my enemies because of me you will never allow me to be the cause of somebody else's pain or harm god how do i know that you love me if you will not hurt my enemies because of what they have done to me that's how i know that you love me if you will not allow my enemies to experience harm because of what they did to me then i know that you love me he said this three times in your dish vive on my behalf of my cause he says this three times and this jew this wealthy affluent was the only person who knew the real story standing in his place and his heart melts even his heart melts his heart a person who was capable of making oblivion drunk the day before him kipper the hours before him kippur in order to display his disgrace even his heart melted that what is the badichiva praying for god if you love me don't hurt anybody on my behalf those who want to kill me those who want to destroy me those enemies this guy wants to get me out of the city if you love me don't hurt him because of me he couldn't take it anymore he ran over to the stander he prostrated himself and he said rebbe zimer rebbe forgive me and he became one of the great khasidam prabhupada is this something i can live up to we're very often takas i like him i'm under god but it's something to think about it's something to imagine it's something to aspire to maybe not a hundred percent fifty percent maybe not fifty percent each of us in our own lives to think about those people that we don't speak to those conflicts that endure in our families in our companies in our workplaces in our communities in our cities immediate family extended family former friends former classmates former employers four more employees and then rethink about it but not from a perspective of takasalikum from a perspective of devakas belike not from a perspective that you're under under the rug but perspective that you're dovo you're one then everything changes not because you weren't hurt not because people are always righteous not because people have not made mistakes not because some people are not malicious some people could be malicious and some people could be clueless maybe more than malicious clueless and even maliciousness is a form a deep form of cluelessness if you go deeper but it comes from that inner place of perceiving yourself in a completely new fashion either i am under god or i'm part of hashem i'm a ray of divinity a fragment of godliness the manifestation of hashem's light in this world i'm one with the divine i am hashem in this world that's who i really really am can you really see yourself in that light when i see myself under god it's so hard to forgive you hurt me you damaged me you insulted me you caused me heartache suffering distress you scarred me you wounded me you traumatized me even if you apologize how can i forgive how can i let go of all the pain and that's a good question that's a good question and it's interesting the torah never tells somebody you have to forgive it encourages you to forgive but it doesn't make it a demand because it has to be genuine i can't tell somebody oh just forgive forget about it that's not right and that's not nice but when i could perceive myself and this is inner work as completely aligned with god i could forgive because then i discover my invincibility nobody can destroy god nobody can obliterate my core nobody can crush my soul nobody can destroy my wholesomeness nobody can extinguish my fire and you know when i'm also aligned with the divine i discover my capacity for infinite love for infinite compassion and understanding can you have compassion and understanding he says my middays are with hashem and therefore my compassion is large my understanding is very deep even if my conscious limited brain says don't forgive there's an inner space in me that allows me to transcend my limits and forgive and you know when i'm under god i also can't ask for forgiveness it's too vulnerable it's too hard for me to say i'm sorry i made a terrible mistake somebody told me yesterday that their father once did something that hurt them very badly and i asked this person did you forgive your father and he says you know what the hardest thing for me was my father could never get himself to say i'm sorry he really did something he knew that it hurt me i told him we spoke about it he could not get himself to say i'm sorry some of us just cannot say i can't say i'm sorry to my wife i can't say i'm sorry to my husband i can't say i'm sorry to my father i can't say i'm sorry to my mother i can't say i'm sorry to my daughter to my son to my brother to my sister to a friend i can't say i'm sorry i made a terrible mistake and i want to apologize i can't do it i will find every excuse in the world not to apologize i will blame you i will say let's get it over with i already apologize i will find every rationale in the world why not to apologize but this is all when you're takas alike when you realize that you're one with the divine then you can transcend the fear of what is it going to sound like then i have no fear of being vulnerable then i have no fear of stripping away my external layers and allowing my beer self to come out because i'm not afraid that i'm going to be reduced into nothingness if i'm vulnerable when i have a fake ego i'm afraid of being vulnerable because what am i going to look like what am i going to sound like but if i can really appreciate my divinity i can be very vulnerable i can just be honest i can be authentic you know why because when i strip away all the layers what's going to come out my core self and my core self is one and therefore i don't have to live in a world of toxicity and blockages so everybody had tuned in today and everybody was going to watch later i say to you and i bless you and i bless myself and i bless all of us that every moment every day we should be able to live in the space of not takas alaikum but as joseph said i am actually a reflection an ambassador of the divine in this world that's who i am that's who i really really am and therefore i am an ambassador of love light hope forgiveness healing authenticity and redemption thank you have a wonderful week tomorrow morning wednesday morning we will have our class 7 30 a.m we will continue the balatanya's my mom as well as thursday morning 7 30 a.m sunday morning 9 30 we will continue part two of basilagani discussing the three streams of kabbalah in understanding our relationship with the divine essence three streams well it's going to be sunday morning 9 30 let's take some questions i'm starting with the chat question number one there must have been a point in creating the ego though yes of course there's a point in creating the ego because this is not about not having an ego this is about aligning your ego with god's being it's not about obliterating the ego you know what i said from the middle earth the yeast must become one with the yesha amity my ego with the divine essence wouldn't the brothers be jealous or hate joseph even more after he said this no joseph was saying each of us is god's light in this world there's no room for jealousy here you know jealousy this fascemas discusses this in parishious jealousy [snorts] exis is a famous piece from jealousy always comes from when i think you're taking away something from me or you think i'm taking away something from me from you so we're jealous of each other but when i realize and you realize that my light can't eclipse your light and your light can't eclipse my light on the contrary when your light shines brightly it helps my light shine brightly and when my light shines brightly it helps your light shine brightly when i go into that state of consciousness there's no jealousy because we're all one after the hashem i am hashem and we're all one so why am i jealous of you jealousy comes from narrowness envy is ignorance all envy is ignorance listen to what i'm telling you so when joseph tells this to them i'm not takasha we're all part of divine light i'm not going to take revenge of you you were in a narrow space you tried to kill me but god had very different plans and i see myself as a messenger of god and therefore it's not just that joseph can you know it's even deeper it's not just joseph could forgive because he's invincible and yahsef could forgive because his compassion is so deep it's also yosef can forgive because because god sent him into these situations right that's what rashi is saying and this is where all the this is where all the interpretations come together the targum and rashi and the kadusa slavy are really coming together rashi says you guys can't harm me you tried to but god the god did it the right the tiger muncula says i'm a god-fearing person the slave brings it together and he says when you realize that you're the divine in this world so that everything that happens to you a nightmare hashem put me into this situation even if somebody had bad intentions but ultimately god allowed this to happen to me i'm his messenger it happened to him i'm part of hashem god allowed himself to go through this through me through my experience why not to destroy me to be able to help me fulfill my mission because my mission is god's mission so hashem is always with me gamer the gates even if i went through so many different things in life and i could blame you and you and you and you and maybe you didn't have the best intentions you really wanted to kill me you really wanted to bury me you tried to bury me but you know what happened you planted me you planted me and look what happened so it's a whole different perspective so therefore i can forgive but for this i have to go in to a much deeper place inside of me what about people who live their lives in fear of the opinion of their fellow religious jews or the community they live in listen we all have a certain amount of this you know we all have a certain amount of anxiety and a certain amount i can't say all many of us have a certain amount of anxiety a certain amount of social conformity and a certain amount of fear and this is all from the perception of the self in a much narrower space you're right if someone is making you feel badly does it mean that they're shining a spotlight on their own flaws and not yours yeah i think that's usually the case if someone sees someone being bullied are they obligated to call the abuser out on what they're doing or should they just distance themselves if they know the person won't listen and won't stop also if the person sees verbal and emotional abuse will they be held accountable for remaining silent the reason they want to remain silent is because they fear that the abuser will target them i think that it's our responsibility to speak up and you do it in a wise way then he won't target you or she won't target you but just to say i'm going to distance myself when i see a crime happening that itself is a crime the torah says do not stand idle by the blood of your fellow human being and therefore it's always our responsibility to speak up when there is injustice when somebody is suffering when an abuser is getting away with murder imagine somebody is holding a gun and going from school to school god forbid targeting innocent people is there an obligation to speak up or should we remain silent well emotional abuse sexual abuse verbal abuse could sometimes kill as well and as a victim once told me and it's not a bullet that just goes into him and kills him once the death happens every day of course we are responsible obviously you do it with sexual you do it with wisdom you have to sometimes consult people who are real experts and professionals and they have empathy they care they don't just say you know let's push it under the rug it's funny that you say some people can say i'm sorry in my situation when i say i'm sorry i feel very liberated okay you're lucky this was a very inspiring class thank you very very much how do we implement this in our lives okay this is this is this is my work and this is your work you have homework by the way joseph used the same words that jacob said to rahul when rahul asked him for a child yaakov also said am i in the place of god is there a is there a teaching about this absolutely if you go to the yeshiva.net you can go to the parish of vaiyetse and over there you'll see a class it was actually a woman's class we gave about uh we still did it this is before corona i think last year last winter or two winters ago about what jacob told his wife rocco when she asked for children the pasek says in tehillim in halal hashem god is with me i'm not afraid what will a person do to me is this basically what you're saying yeah this is the bottom line of what joseph is saying hashem leila hashem lila here my so it's not just don't be afraid guys because you know god will if god wants to kill you he'll kill you i can't kill you it's also yours of explaining his own attitude and his own attitude was i never saw you as being responsible for my life you're not responsible for my life god is responsible for my life in fact me and god are one god is responsible for his life and that means me because i'm an aspect of hashem and therefore i'm always his and i never end up somewhere because somebody wanted to hurt me i was sent there by hashem hashem took a part of himself and sent him there in order to be able to achieve this this type of greatness next question okay there was a famous holocaust survivor who forgave the germans others were incensed at her and they said they would never forgive joseph did forgive but he wasn't killed being thrown into the pit and sold was reversible and it ended up as good the six million were not lucky esther bas yitzhak from telmanasha was not so lucky there are reversible horrific acts and irreversible horrific acts do we forgive the germans do we forgive esther's murderer of court well first of all the idf i believe apprehended him or at least they apprehended the person who's being accused of it it'll probably be a thorough investigation or there was already they did do tremendous work and they apprehended this uh this terrorist is murderer but there's also another key difference and that is joseph could forgive for what happened to him i can't forgive you for what you did to somebody else how could i forgive the germans for murdering six million other people i could forgive you for what you did to me i can't forgive you what you did to somebody else the mission says in humor that even god can't forgive you for harming somebody else you have to apologize to them god could forgive you what you did to him not for what you did to another person so therefore i have to ask you for forgiveness so we cannot forgive people who have hurt other people without their consent it's actually a hootsbits audacious you may have read the book sunflower by simon wiesenthal you know the story it's a worthwhile it's worthwhile story to pursue sunflower by simon wiesenthal an incredible story about a nazi who asked him for forgiveness that's number one number two forgiveness if it's going to produce more evil is not a virtue it's evil if you're forgiving somebody who's a unrepentant terrorist and by forgiving them you empower them and embolden them to continue their anus acts then forgiveness is an act of evil it's not forgiveness it's not virtue it's adding hatred to the world somebody's running around wants to kill jews wants to kill innocent people so then the greatest thing you can do for them and for humanity is to stop them by all means including if you have to kill them so that they you avoid killing of innocent people that's what the gemara says somebody comes to kill you kill them first norma schwarzkopf was once asked if we should if we should forgive terrorists he said it's not our job it's god's job our job is to arrange the meaning you speak about god violating the commandment not to make a graven image when he created the human being the patriarchs kept the terror before it was given yet you explained a few weeks ago that yaakov's promise to marry rocco overrode his stringency of keeping the terror before it was given god told the angels let us make man that's a promise corresponding to yaakov's promise to marry rocco maybe god was bound to keep the terror he eventually gave even before he gave it to us maybe but even if he was bound would that be a stringency and it can't override the promise that he has to make man just like yaakov couldn't have [snorts] his stringency override his promise so god didn't violate the future commandment against making an image just like yaakov didn't violate the future prohibition against marrying two sisters because man was made before that prohibition was given i have had an ongoing argument with my family whether i am god or not thank you for vindicating me well i i don't mean to spoil the party but the moment this becomes uh a statement of hubris then you didn't understand the class [laughter] this is the ultimate humility not the ultimate hubris when it says i am god doesn't mean i am god it means i don't exist and i am a conduit for god my existence is a channel for divine energy a little different someone used to be very close to me in the past is not willing to talk to me anymore this person used to love me now despises me it hurts me a lot because i care for this person she makes me responsible for all the problems in her life and i'm not able to accept this it's very hard for me to live with the fact that a person who used to be so close to me despises me so strongly it hurts me to see this person suffer because of her own resentment but i feel helpless i simply cannot be indifferent to it what can i do what are my options to deal with this situation i appreciate your advice as always how do i deal with people who can't forgive it's very hard for me to give advice on such a story without knowing any details so i i don't know what type of advice to give you have to know much more however i'm just gonna say some generic ideas very very briefly that can maybe help plant seeds the first thing to do is figure out why where this resentment came from if she used to love you why doesn't she want to speak to you why is she so upset at you maybe she feels that you heard her very badly is it possible then for you to make an appointment and apologize just apologize just make an appointment meet this person maybe through zoom or facetime or face-to-face meeting i don't mean just a text really face to face and take responsibility for your part and simply say i'm sorry is that a possibility maybe she's not ready to speak to you maybe you can both go to speak to a third person an arbitrator uh a rabbi a professional a therapist maybe you can send somebody and ask maybe you could send a card right with with nice wishes and and and reach out to the person try to create some type of connection that you can have an open conversation ultimately maybe with the help of a third party to figure out what's the problem you don't identify here what's going on now there may be something else happening maybe there's something actively going on in your life we you are causing her damage are you doing something that may be very abusive i don't know but we have to find out you don't discuss this if there's something going on maybe you're causing her distress and pain so she feels like it's very hard for her to speak to you i don't know or maybe it's something of the past and she's just not ready to let go but do you ever apologize did you ever make men's did you reach out i mean all of this has to be addressed before any advice can be given if you apologized and you made men's and the person is just not ready to see you or hear from you they're not ready what i would do is just don't close your heart i would encourage you every few weeks or every few months to send a letter to send a gift to reach out to say something nice and kind to apologize but ultimately they have to be ready again without knowing all the variables i can't give any authentic advice the terror does not command us to forgive but it's true that it does say that the offender has to beg for forgiveness three times and then he fulfilled his his obligation yeah it does say that you fulfilled your obligation and and you do what you want but remember after three times it says you also send friends the rambling discusses this in the laws of repentance discussed in see all the details there or ask a rabbi there's a system i ask a few times i send friends i send people who this person has a contact with to try to intercede on my behalf if nothing helps nothing helps but i have to be able to try it's always these are things you do not want to let go of these are very very precious opportunities you do not want to leave this world with the regret that i didn't have the courage to say i'm sorry i have seen over and over again how people because of petty fights over money or over honor over perceived money or honor they split up families it's not the way to live you're not you're bigger than it you're more powerful than it there shouldn't be people you don't speak to there shouldn't be people you just harbor resentment than grudges i may have a disagreement with you maybe we need boundaries maybe we have to part ways that's fine not everybody is your best friend and not everybody is the person that becomes your confidant okay but to hold on to this negative energy where you can't speak to somebody we have to cross the street when you see them you can't answer their telephone call that's living in a very very small place very petty place there is one exception and that is if there's an active abuser in your life or somebody who's causing you tremendous distress then you may have to cut them out at the moment simply to protect yourself and your loved ones there so there are there are exceptions that's not petty that is sometimes survival but it's good to get an objective opinion of people of a person who's not biased and who cares for you and sees the bigger picture next question my understanding is that a person who offends another person must ask forgiveness yes and the tyrus says that the person who was offended should do whatever they can to forgive them and our resale instituted that before we go to sleep at night we say a special prayer and i say it at night it's a beautiful prayer shalom it's a beautiful prayer master of the world i forgive any person who provoked me or angered me or sinned against me against my body against my money against my honor through words or through actions in this reincarnation or in a previous sync reincarnation i forgive them and nobody should be punished because of me so whatever it takes of said the night of him kipper that reason instituted as a prayer that every that people if they want can say at night this is not an obligation because this is talking about even people who did not ask me for forgiveness but as the rambam says in hillsdales i think chapter 6 the rambam and the laws of ethics chapter 6 that meet us the pious way to live is to find the resources to forgive people even if they don't ask you if they ask you to forgive then the terror really strongly encourages if they don't ask you your mama's not obligated but it's certainly a much more powerful and also happier way of living they say that holding grudges is like inhaling poison and hoping that your enemy is going to die from your poison or putting yourself on fire and hoping that your enemy will be burnt you know when i carry grudges it affects me as much as it affects you i think if i carry a grudge on you you'll be harmed maybe but i'm also harmed so it's always good to try to let go so diarizal has this prayer that even if a person didn't ask forgiveness on our own we forgive people at night but you have to be ready for this and nobody can force somebody and if there's a lot of trauma and there's a lot of abuse then you may need help and you may need time and you may need space and that's fine don't force these things you have to have compassion on the process beautiful questions [snorts] okay let me just see if there's other questions here oh yeah yeah yeah i wish everybody a wonderful day and a beautiful week [snorts] welcome welcome from manchester and of course welcome all of our guests from israel tomorrow morning it's 7 30 our time your time is manchester time yeah we're going to continue the miami that we started