How to Be a Host

the yeshiva.net [Music] hashem appears to him and he's sitting by the tent now that's a difficult passage to understand because usually in the torah whenever hashem appears to somebody it precedes communication so we're expecting communication afterwards hashem appeared and said hashem appeared and spoke hashem appeared and asked there's always an appearance following communication right later we'll learn that murshirabenu saw the fire in the burning bush it's not just he sees something it's followed by a communication the same is true every other time hashem appears to somebody in a dream or in vivid reality all the way from adam to all the way down to avraham and further it's always with a message here there's no message he just appears to him he appears to him and what happened suddenly the story is interrupted by a second story he picks up his eyes and he sees three people is there a connection between the first passage and the second passage just two completely different stories hashem appeared to him we don't know why and then we're now stopped we finished with that story now we have a new story which would be very difficult a way to understand the context is difficult this is genesis chapter 18 bereishi's parakeet which begins with parasha's valeria pasek alef the structure is a very difficult structure because you look for the sequence and you don't see it hashem will later come back to talk to him again when the guests are about to leave and sarah laughs hashem speaks to avram and then when the guests leave hashem has a conversation with avraham about saddam you know he tells him that he wants to destroy his dawn because of the heinous crimes and the heinous evil and the selfishness and the narcissism and the narcissism and abramovinu starts fighting forced but it would be unjust to destroy its addiction together with russia and have this whole conversation with his daughter so how do we understand the structure and the context and that's why rashi says that the first passage is actually a separate story was sick it was the third day after his bris and hashem just came to visit him and when you visit you don't have to say anything some people think when they visit they have to say something you see from hashem he didn't say anything he just showed up and said i'm here you don't have to be an ibrahim god also could say a lot of things he also knows a lot of stuff but nonetheless he doesn't say anything he just comes and visits the sick luvacrus that's how rashi explains the enigma because what is it doing here so at the end of la he circumcised himself it was difficult it was painful and on the third day hashem comes to visit him the question is why it actually says it was on the third day why not the second day why not the first day why not the fourth day it doesn't say in the past that it was after that okay so before i should discuss why the third day excuse me forgive my cough again and then the story gets interrupted and he sees three people who are showing up and even though he's ill and he's sick hashem nonetheless of rama venus heart is so swells with so much love and generosity that even in this state he can't just sit and relax and enjoy what they call an america down time but rather he feels compelled to invite them and the story continues that's one way of looking at it the rambam has a safer called murren of him the guide to the perplexed the guide for the perplexed and in section two i think it's chapter 47 42 period says that you have to understand the whole story differently it was all a vision valere love hashem is the introduction to the whole story hashem appeared to have rama vino what did that vision look like he saw in his vision in his mind three people according to the whole story is a prophetic story so hashem appearing is like the headline before the story hashem appeared now let me describe to you what that vision looked like according to the ramen the whole thing happened in avram avinu's own prophetic experience three people coming and him offering them food and meat and cream and then promising sarah to have a child all in his vision the ramban criticizes this uh interpretation very heavily the ramban was nahmanides and he criticizes maimonides a generation later in his commentary on homage how could rama say it's all a vision they went afterwards to saddam was that also a vision was diamond's destruction so the ramban disagrees with avram with with the rambam on the interpretation there's a third interpretation it's most most radical interpretation and that is that it's actually all part of one structure because hashem appears to have ramavinu to speak to to visit him or to speak to him and it's avramavin who sees three guests and then tells hashem please don't leave while i go to tend to my guest that's a whole different interpretation which rashi brings as a second interpretation which changes the whole context it means that the two stories are not just connected but they happen one after the other hashem appears to him and while that appearance is happening we don't know yet what hashem is going to do is he just visiting does he want to say something three people show up and avramavinu now turns to hashem and says please wait i really want to go help these people and he interrupts his encounter his yakidis with the iribania shalom to go taking care of the guests and this is where the ghazal famously learned the messiah in shabbos 127 so that hospitality of guests is greater than welcoming even the face of the shrine of the divine presence because how can avramovino interrupt his intimate private audience with the ribbing shall islam just because there are three bedouin guests they seemed like bedouin arabs the medrash even said what they looked like strangers wayfarers and he says wait god wait got some important business to do now imagine think about it imagine you had the greatest jew of a generation the guadalajara coming to your home he is in your home talking to you and then you see three people you don't even know them three strangers and you tell them please i know you're busy but please wait and you really you don't just interrupt him for a moment you know to take another call i've remembered who sat with these people for hours while god is waiting that's a fascinating fact most people would look at you and say where's your chutzpah how do you have such chutzpah such audacity now this is not just the god alhador it's the master of the world it's the god of malachi islam and yadav ramavinu did that and the way the ghazal interpret then the structure of the story is that it's so important that god appeared to him and he interrupts that appearance to go take care of the guests and of course it changes how we translate the pasta because if you look in the second and the third passage it says he says my masters if you like me if i find grace in yours please don't pass my home literally he's talking to the guests he's talking to the three people and he calls them adainai my lords my masters please don't leave but there's an another interpretation that's the third interpretation i'm giving you that is tokita hashem and of course the vowel changes do you read vayoma adonai which means my masters in plural speaking to three people like you'll say sir my sirs my masters my honorable people please don't leave adoenai that's one vow. is hashem's name it's one of hashem's names adna barakata shem that's what we say al of dhalid nunyud with the comets the reason i pronounced it earlier is because i said the whole possible just for the record now i'm not saying the whole bosses i'm just referring to the name that's a huge difference and the question in halal the gemara says hey the question is are you allowed to erase hashem's name is you're not erased are you allowed to erase this one somebody writes this passage are you allowed to erase this word allahu if he's talking to three bedouin arabs you're allowed to erase it my masters my lords sir you're a lot of erasers but if he's talking to hashem then it's kaidish then it's holy it's sacred it's hashem's name it's a fascinating question depends it's unclear how do you read the pasta who is he talking to in other words is it a separate self-contained story detached from the first verse or is it all one continuation hashem appears and who turns to hashem after seeing the three people and he says please hashem don't leave my home as i tend to these guests and hashem indeed doesn't he waits around till he's finished it didn't take on half an hour it took a few hours it's clear from the possum what he did for them he added thank you he had to prepare the meat and prepare the milk and feed them and take care of them and they had a long conversa a conversation and only afterwards does hashem resume his encounter with avraham avinu after the meeting after the hospitality is finished now the obvious question that some of you are thinking is what does it mean to tell hashem don't leave my home what would it look like if hashem left his home if you're talking about a physical presence a physical being you could say you know here please hashem here's the couch here's the wi-fi code you could check your emails you could use the internet you can the refrigerator is yours we have one i got great cheese danishes this morning please enjoy let me take care of my other guests when you're talking about the presence of hashem you're dealing with infinity or as the pastor says maloy khala it's quite thai his presence is everywhere or as uncle moishi taught us hashem hashem is the hashem is truly everywhere but it's a tradition that precedes uncle maishi goes back all the way to the first maishirabanu and even before maeshrabeno monotheism what does it even mean god please don't leave and if he does leave where do you think he's going he's going to leave your home okay i'm going to be everywhere in the world besides here what does it how did khazal even understand those words this is a wonderful question that was raised by the maury raenayim that's a hasidic work authored by rib nachman of chernobyl called him the light of the eyes and apparatus by he asks this question what did khazal mean when afram tells hashem don't leave as though there is an option i may leave i may not leave and i'm asking you to please stick around isn't god always present always available always accessible as the posix says wherever you mention my name i'm present that's an important question but then we'll get back to that basic assembly neder let's now go to the next step so this itself is an incredible nuance in this story that the ghazal showed and excavated how from here you learn of ramavinu's priorities in life that for him when he had an option to speak to hashem one-on-one privately in the most revealed manifested way he said i have yet a greater priority but it doesn't stop there the story then continues because if this is not enough what we now witness is of rama venus service which is greater than a six-star hotel five-star hotel mela but even a six-star hotel i don't know if it exists i've just made it up it's fine somebody will one day make a six-star hotel some of your homes are that way so it's service transcends anything you would expect from water bread meat milks flake chicks was the wilst yogurt and cream and the gemara learns from the sukim that he slaughtered three three oxen so they should all be able to have tongue because tongue is the greatest delicacy and if that wasn't enough no with cardo with mustard because what's tongue without mustard if you see in the sukkam it says translated as butter or some ice cream was yogurt and the meat that he made and he gave it to them the beneficiary asks in his dresses he says why did he give them first milk and then meat meat is much more prominent the more khashoggi says but i've rama observed the turn if you would have given them meat now they would have to sit around for six hours unless they had the meaning of three hours whatever it was and they'd get hungry and avraham avinu was like you know the programs always have a tea room you don't keep people hungry when they finish everyone to hotel they finish lunch they go to the tea room they finish dinner they go to the tea room and one of the greatest crises in jewish hotel programs is when the tea room is closed after breakfast after lunch after dinner doesn't want them to wait six hours to get the milk he gives them milk and then they could take a little break whatever their minute was a half an hour an hour wash your hands wipe your mouth quinoa and he right away gives them ben bakar asher asa if that's not enough avramavinu had many servants he was a wealthy man he can ask his attendants to take care but it says no vayarat sabaya maya of ramayana he himself went to the tent and asked sarah herself to prepare valhabakaratsavaram he doesn't only walk he's running he's running to take care to take care of these guests and after offering them such a lavish meal so many delicacies such comfort with such prosperity and expansiveness avramavinu also does not forget to escort them and say goodbye as it says in your story streets via kumami shama nashim they stand up they gaze walks with them to bid them farewell to send them on their way and say goodbye to them and if one might think this is a one-time event of rama venue was having a very inspiring day so the toyota in parish is vayeta a little later a few chapters later this is chapter 18 chapter 21 of plants and asia in a city called the sheva after the destruction of zdom the whole geopolitical and geography of the centers of living in eight israel changed avraham avinu moves from heveren which used to be at the center between the east and the west he moves to bereshev he plants an a shell in this place called bear sheva and he calls out in the name of hashem what is an a shell so the gemara incited and rashi quotes the two opinions he either plants a garden a huge orchard to be able to feed way fears people traveling delicious fruits or another interpretation as asial is actually a pundik a hotel this was the first waldorf historia in history it was a vramavinu's hotel this was an a shell where he fed people and rashfie says asia is the famous acronym of achilles he fed them he gave them drinks and livia he also escorted them says sheena eating sleeping and escorting he didn't only feed them he gave them a place to sleep because if it was a hotel not a garden of course it was a place to sleep as well so this was avraham avinu's tradition and custom he plants an asia this is what he does in order to feed people to help to to host people to nurture them to feed them and also to escort them and as i said before it's fascinating because in the turret there's many myths for 613 but i don't remember maybe i'm mistaken but i don't remember if you look through the trailer you should see the terror describing a person doing one particular mitzvah like you see with this particular mitzvah and it's obvious that the terrorist sees it as a symbol of who avram was what the first jew was like and what the first jew and jewish were like of ram and sarah it becomes a symbol it becomes a paradigm i saw of a similar bond but now i want to go one step further which will reveal yet a deeper layer in this whole story and that is how the rambam rabbi no marsha ben maymen the greatest halachic athar one of the greatest halachic authorities if not the greatest in jewish history the rambam was born excuse me in 1135 he passed away at the age of 69 12 in 1204 khaftev is his yard side buried he passed away in egypt he's buried in teferia and as magnum opus i mentioned earlier another work of his the guide of the perplexed marijuana but his magnum opus was his greatest halachic work mishna torah which basically was the first time in jewish history that somebody categorized and compiled halacha jewish law in an organized fashion into 14 safar and the last safer of the rambam called sheiftam the book of leadership of judges he has a section of allah is called the allahis of mourning and grief and comforting the mourning and esc and giving honor to those who are deceased and over there in chapter 14 hill casava peric you dialed the last chapter and you have it here in your source sheets so you could see it inside there's also a translation in english if you want to follow it in english i'll read the hebrew and translate it but i want you to focus on his words because he is now taking the story that we just learned in vaira and he's codifying it halachically there's one thing reading a story in humash there's another thing turning this story into the shalhonar turning this story into a manual and instruction manual so the ramamir takes a story that every child who learns hummish is familiar with and the ramen now codifies it halachically and in his wording we find some really enigmatic ideas that really challenge us to look one step deeper so the rambam says and i quote mitzvahs assay shall defrayhem there was a rabbinic mitzvah of akkerchaelum to visit the sikh ullanakhima lim to comfort mourners to prepare for a funeral to prepare the deceased for a funeral allah to prepare a bride and bring her into hasanah allah is and to escort the guests to say goodbye to guests that's a mitzvah and then he goes on other details of to take care of the burial and to make sure the deceased has everything he needs and he goes to the wedding to take care of the custom and khaled et cetera he calls this old khasadam and he says even though it's the rabbis who instructed all these things it's all part of one mitzvah love your fellow like yourself second paragraph allah base listen carefully scar halivoya meruba minhakkail accompanying the guests saying goodbye escorting them lavoia means to escort is greater than everything this is the tradition that rama venue established he engraved kaik is like the statue that havramavinu engraved this is the path of kindness that he lived by mahelov he fed travelers wayfarers he fed them um and he gave them to drink um and he escorted them when they left and the hospitality of guests is greater than welcoming the srinagar shenandoah says we know we are in vain vayar he saw hinesh there were three people escorting them is much greater than inviting them um the sages said call me shayna call shayne whoever doesn't escort the guest and say goodbye it's as though he shed their blood now when we look at this rambam who just codified the story of pakistan there's a few big questions first of all remember that first line we started with mitsubishi devre what's the mitzvah levacker phylum visit the sikh it's a mitzvah lanakim available go comfort somebody who's grieving for someone who passed away which we call today nikhil velam shiva lahitz to take care of a person who's deceased right to bring akala into her hoop and her wedding to take care of the wedding to take care of of her home of establishing a life and next one is to escort the guests that's the mitzvah really shouldn't he say that mitzvah is not we call it it sounds like the main mitzvah is not to bring them and it's to say goodbye really why so you make sure they never come back again huh sometimes you want them to leave i get it so by saying goodbye you lock the door so the ram says that's the mitzvah like boom barak sha patrani i mean we say every morning shane lampe [Music] but that's how the rambam describes the mitzvah the mitzvah is and to escort the guests goodbye but that's when the mitzvah is over that's when it's finished such an interesting enigmatic expression i would expect to say allah in fact our sages and he himself says later on is just at the end but that's how the rambam describes the mitzvah the mitzvah is to comfort the grieving to visit the sick and to say goodbye to the guests that's so interesting it's true avraham of inu said goodbye it says clearly that rum escorted them but that's just a detail at the end of a very long story he walked them out beautiful nice gracious you're a nice host the rambam takes that detail and he says that's the mitzvah it's almost like feed them okay give them some drinks okay you gave them a bed very nice but you escorted them that's the mitzvah and then he continues and he says the scar for escorting is greater than everything else which is also strange you worked very hard in your kitchen i hope you had help for two days because of these guests okay that's all nice right but saying goodbye saying bye bye have a great day have a good shabbos that's greater than everything and then he says that's the tradition of avraham avinu that's the hike that he engraved that's the derek hester-chanagba it's all part of the tradition of from avinu he stopped he invited them he ran himself he told even hashem to wait but the rambam chooses to zoom in on one detail and that is scar halavaya the consequences the reward of escorting yes he fed them but another fascinating thing is what's the rambam source that ah him is greater than welcoming the shrine he says he saw there were three people he doesn't even say the gomer but how from these words do you see that is greater he's talking to hashem and he sees that there's three people the gemara gives a different source the gemara says because he told hashem don't leave al-nasa may allah at least could have written the guymer these words of the rambam first of all he changes what the khazal use as a source the khazal see the source that arkham is greater than kabalas from the words i said earlier explicit clear he told hashem allah please don't leave i want to go take care of them obviously this is the priority the rambam brings a earlier passage hashem sees hashem comes to hashem reveals himself to avraham of he picks up his eyes vayara and he sees there are three people it doesn't even do anything he didn't do anything yet this is his source that has greater than kabbalah and then he says again escorting them is greater than bringing them in and then he quotes the statement of the ham that if you don't escort them it's dumb it's like a form of shedding their blood a form of murder what does he mean by that usually the interpretation is that when a guest left and he went into the wilderness he went into the fields he went out of the city he may have not known the ways he can get lost there may be bandits there may be thugs there may be people who are killers and he may be in danger you know you leave him to go alone and it's maybe unsafe especially in the the olden days you left the stettle and you were out alone so by escorting him and or escorting her and accompanying the guests to another place to another home to another city where it's safe was so important so without that it's kilo sheif may be responsible for their murder that's the whole idea of eglarufa that when somebody was found slain in the field the best didn't have to take responsibility perhaps we let them just leave the city without anybody escorting them without anybody protecting them in fact there's a famous da schedule at josephus that it says that joseph sent back a message to yaakov after 22 years vajaris hagolois he told yaakov that the last hal he still remembers the last yaakov torah was the what you do when a jew was found slain in the field a sacrifice they had to bring a calf the question is why did yousef remind him of that why because that was the last one but why was that the last one he learned and one of the explanations is because yaakov was escorting yosef when he sent them off to shrem to visit the brothers he escorted him and joseph said why are you escorting me go home so jacob said there's a mitzvah of eglarufa you have to escort somebody of course it didn't help joseph's life ended up the way it did but that's why he taught him that mitzvah that that's what the das gained him but the ramen doesn't give you an explanation he just says if you don't escort somebody kilo shay fordham it's like you shed their blood that's a very intense statement it's like i invite you to my house and then i say okay bye bye you'll find your way right no it's kilo shaft really i mean that's so dramatic and what if it's not a tattle what if it's you have a guest in muncie baruch hashem i'd be as good said they could walk the street safely so where is the shayfak okay i didn't escort the person where is the sheikh dhamma and why is the sky for lavia greater than everything else you would think maybe because without it is dumb but he says it as a separate thing first he says the sky of escorting is greater than everything else and he adds at the end i want to tell you one more thing but he doesn't even give clarification or explanation into all of this there's one last point i want to raise and then get to the explanation by ezra hashem and that is at the end of the day something strange is happening here avram of nutal's hashem please wait i have a mitzvah and we learn from this that is greater than welcoming hashem but as it turns out it was a false alarm they were angels they were not hungry they were not thirsty they were not high they didn't have to be dehydrated because of the scorching sun they were malachim they were angels they appeared as people but as the story unfolds it's obvious that they are angels not people which means they're not hungry they're not thirsty and the gemara bhava mitsita there's an argument that they actually eat that only looked like that they ate you know in honor of the hosts but they really didn't eat anything another answer is they appear to be eating or maybe they ate because when you come to a place you know you come to a place you got to follow the tradition but they do they didn't really need it it's like when you come to somebody's home and you're completely satiated you just stuff yourself with something so they shouldn't get insulted so this means the whole reason why you're allowed to leave hashem and say goodbye to hashem is for him here so this turns so it turns out is that even though of ram and his mind was doing the right thing but in reality it leaves us a little bit with a sour taste that he actually said goodbye to hashem to greet angels who were not guests that needed anything and we learn now him is greater than us from this story which apparently was not a genuine agnostic it looked like was trying to do the right thing but in reality it turned out that these were heavenly angels who actually had no needs one of them came to destroy him one of them came to heel of ramavinu to save light to tell sarah she's going to have a child and this whole average story happens all on a level of rama venus good will he's trying to do the right thing but in reality all of his turkey and all of his efforts to prepare the best cakes and the best bread and the best delicacies and the best dairy and the best delhi was really in vain the explanation in all of this is based on two themes we have in yiddish guide something called sadaka and we have something called milo azirama made it clear that la lava saw him escorting the guests and taking care of them as part of gamilus khasadam all under the umbrella of what's the difference between dhaka and kamilas khasad stuck is translated as charity qibla usually as benevolence kindness so the maharal of prague says that the difference is i'm going to use my own words but his basic thrust is the morale of prague explains sadaka is really feeding a person or giving them their physical material needs if somebody is hungry you simply want to fill and satisfy their stomach gamila's kasadam is not to fill their stomach it's to fill their soul that's why it says the greatest form of gamma is giving a loan to somebody so they should be able to support themselves and take care of their debts and be able to pay you back so they should be able to have their own dignity in other words quebec is as the rambam says elsewhere to help somebody before they fall apart what do they say give somebody a fish when they're hungry so they have one fish but if you teach them how to catch fish now tomorrow they also won't need help so there's a big difference sadaka is actually helping somebody who's poor and they need the help kamilas khasadam is not feeding the person actually but giving them the confidence giving them the dignity giving them their soul tsudaka is allowing them to live and military is giving them a reason to live it's nourished nourishing them and nurturing them so that's why it says the greatest will is to help somebody get a job so you don't have to feed them when they're hungry because they won't be hungry it's giving somebody a loan that they'll be able to pay back because they're going through a hard time but they'll be able to re-establish themselves hopefully beijing hashem now within this difference comes the special mitzvah the way the rambam is defining it itself has two parts just like every mitzvah of helping another person there is what's called the nifl the objective the way it affects the other person somebody came to my home they may have been hungry they may not have a place to eat i don't have a place to sleep then other place they can get a hot meal a drink whatever it is and i feed them this is something that this person who came to my home and i fed them and nurtured them and gave them water and food or a bed is something they received from me this is an objective fact in akhnas arkham that you fed nurtured help the other person but there's something else in akhnasasarah and it's even deeper and the second thing in him is the attitude of the giver the attitude of the host there's the objective result you gave a person a piece of chicken he gave a person a fruit a vegetable a bed that's objective that's what they received but then there is this subjective element of it my attitude how i did it my demeanor my disposition my character the interest i showed her lack of interest the enthusiasm with the smiler without a smile food a person can get anywhere they can get it in shul they can get it in the marketplace you could set up a situation that the person doesn't remain hungry so that the objective benefit they can get out of the house what the rambam is teaching us is that avraham avinu didn't only do in terms of feeding the people rather he told that what people are searching for is not just food what people are searching for is their own soul they're searching for dignity they're searching for family they're searching for not only a house but a home they're searching for company for relationships for friendships they're searching for something that will fill not only their physical stomach but also fill their loneliness fill the void that a human being has emotionally psychologically because i feel alone in the world i feel detached in the world there was a story that was circulating last year i thought it was fictional first but then i heard from uh there's a israeli journalist who happened to know sivan rav mayor and she came to my she and she shared that she heard from the brother of the person you all remember march 2020 when the coronavirus literally shut down the world 7.7 billion people were brought to their knees this was right after purim march and of course a few weeks later was pesach and for the first time maybe in their lives many elderly could not have the say they're with their families because of the dangers of the coronavirus excuse me for the first time many people had to say they're alone so this is a story that happened in new york i think it was in in long island or in the five towns there was a woman she was a widow and she couldn't go to her children for the seder so she would be alone by the said she had a neighbor this was in a building excuse me and the neighbor offered to her that he would keep his door open by the say that she should bring her table close to the door so they'll be able at least to see each other certainly hear each other and she'll be part of their family's state even she doesn't want to go in because of the pandemic she'll be able to do everything with them the manatanas and the yaghats and she agreed and she brought over her table to her door she opened the door they the other family opened their door and they did a wonderful seder after yamtif her son called her to find that so she called her children after yamcha so she called one of her children i said how was it how was the say they must have been lonely and sad she said actually it felt like your father was alive i never had such a say that in your house i don't have such a said he said why what happened he said i don't know but every melody every that your father used to sing they sang the whole musa exactly the same everything was the same i mamash felt like it was my say in the olden days with our own family every minute he had every tradition every they told over his stories so her son says i want you to know that a few days before pesach this family called me and they asked that i should share with them all the melodies that our father used to do and all the men hug him and all the traditions so that you would really feel comfortable you weren't you're not only joining another person cedar but it's your sader and then the woman understood the secret of this satan of how they managed to be mathavana and do it exactly as her husband used to do it so there is akhnasis archem and there's ah there's the technical i fill the person's stomach and it's no small thing when somebody is hungry when somebody is thirsty when somebody needs a bed that's a very big thing but what the rambam is teaching us here the kiddish of rama venus was that there is darkness archim that has to do not just with the granting you your objective need but something that's beyond the objective facts and that's the empathy the camaraderie the feeling of kindness the feeling of warmth i appreciate you you're part of my family you're part of my home you have dignity you're not alone this may not be feeding the mouth but it's feeding the neshama it's feeding the soul where do you recognize this more than anywhere else of course you recognize it from the first moment but where really comes out is when the meal is over the benching is over it's time to say goodbye what happens now comes the rambam and says it's the levui the real mitzvah is hal voyasar escorting the guest there's that person who says okay it was nice to have you there's the door you're looking for the shortcut of monsieur the shortcuts there's the shortcut right and you go back you fall asleep whatever you do shabbos afternoon friday night kolkata from sure delay whatever the minute is board games scrabble that's like the 60s right no it's still 20 21 scrabble boggle they still do that you okay risk whatever the minute is this one goes sloppy this one goes learning this one goes for brain this one goes smoothing that's what plays with the children says the rambam the person the host or hostess the woman of the man stand up and they lead the guest to the door and walk outside with them and the message is you just spend two hours with them maybe three hours maybe four hours but i enjoy spending another minute with you another five minutes with you another 10 minutes with you in the guest soul this creates a major transformation i wasn't just a burden and when i finished they say barak sha patrani gives the guest the dignity the sense that they do see me as part of a home they do see me as part of family i wasn't just a burden and part of the checklist of a jew is you do hesed and when you come to the next world you can check off it's part of a checklist if it's part of a checklist okay checklist was done the relationship is now over it's time to say goodbye they call it closure right therapists talk about boundaries which are important we also talk about it sometimes but when i stand by the door and i walk the person out and i say now you know the address you could come back any time it was so great seeing you it happened to be glass shoppers last shoppers in the afternoon we had a family for for lunch and some other some other guests and it was quite a long meal and uh when it finished we benched and the with the dessert whatever and the guest stood up to say goodbye and at that point a whole new group of guests came in it was bakram from the waterbury yeshiva who were here for an uffroof the weinberg family mazel tov and i guess they finished lunch by them they decided to come for a second lunch or dessert or challenge or just conversation so they came so they were walking in as the other guests were finishing so i invited them to the table it was quite a few boys so as the guests went i was sitting with new guests so i didn't escort them to the door so my oldest mendel who was sitting at the table he says tati call me shayna malava razikhilu he quoted the rambam he didn't give him a muslim he was just quoting the rambam verbatim it's like what would the rambam say if you have other guests so he says well rama told the shrine to wait so you tell the guests to wait because you have to escort those so i said men i'm not going to argue with you and i excused myself when i went to escort our dear guests but now we understand what the rambam really means because everybody everybody in this room and everybody knows that it's small acts that sometimes make the deepest impact it's small acts that confer upon a person's significance and dignity it's the small act of escorting that for the rambam changes the entire dynamic of my hospitality when the rambam says if i don't escort this guest it's like i shed their blood he doesn't mean of course it's like you shot them in the brain and you murdered them you just fed them you just shared with them a very big meal that you worked very hard on to prepare what he means is something very very subtle it's not because they may get killed for shalom in wild streets in the wild west the ramen is referring to even in a very civilized civil place khilu shayfik dhamma is like we say when you embarrass somebody the face blushes the blood gathers it's like a form of shedding blood it means i raise the killer dumb that sometimes i can have a guest and the challenge was good and the kuggle was geshemak and the egg salad and the liver was also good but there's still a subtle element of srikhas dharma that they ultimately feel that they're a burden on me they ultimately feel that i'm not interested they ultimately feel that i celebrated when they left much more than when they came that's a form of i didn't harm them physically but i deprived them from the dignity that every person deserves i deprive them from the gift of love and camaraderie and friendship and humanness and sensitivity and empathy that i could have i could have given them they tell on myself that there were two jewish businessmen who were traveling they had to get home for shabbos they they couldn't make it they got stuck on the road shabbos was coming they had nowhere to be so bullets braided they were people of of affluence and dignity they didn't like doing this they were not like they didn't see themselves as schnarr so to speak a schneider is somebody who has a phd for fundraising from harvard university just for the record but they didn't see themselves that way so they knock on the door and again this was something that was embarrassing for them and somebody opens up the door for them and they say you know we're businessmen we're quite affluent but we possibly don't have a place maybe we can stay here for shabbos the person says no problem but it's going to be 2 000 dribble 2 000 dribble i mean the world of astoria is not 2 000 ruble he says listen you want it no you said you're affluent you wanted good you know what go somewhere else somebody looked and they had no choice they said okay just give me the money you know the hotel you give the credit card so they give the 2000 ruble and he says come in and he had a meal that he himself was pretty well to do he had a sudden shabbos there was so much prosperity so in the beginning he invited them for kiddish in the meal they felt again a little bashful but then one says to the other one you know we pay top dollar we pay top dollar at least let's enjoy it they enjoyed a meal like they never had before shabbos morning was even better shallow shooters was even better matsuya shabas they say goodbye to him they thank him and they're about to leave he takes out the 2000 ruble and he gives it to them they say what are you doing he says you know yesterday when you came to my home you seemed so embarrassed so bashful so timid i realize you're going to have a miserable shabbos you're going to starve you're going to be hungry you're going to say nah nah nah you know when people say nah i'm not hungry there's the famous bathroom it's the famous joke that a muscular comes to the house you know mashallah comes collecting money to the house so you bring them into the house and you ask the micheleth we're having dinner tickle fish nah nah i came to eat i came for the stock right so the husband tells the wife dwight brenger is the fish bring out the fish of course within 20 seconds the fish is finished abyssal he tells his wife she brings a bowl of soup within a minute the soup is finished the poor guy is starving a little chicken nah potato vet no nothing bring out the chicken she gives him a big plate yeah six choices everything is finished now the host turns to the mashuli and he says kampot kamput he says kampot yeah kampot i would like okay so so this host says i saw you guys you were so bashful and embarrassed and timid i realized that you're not gonna need anything you can have a miserable shabbos that's why i took from your 2000 ruble so you should feel this is your hotel it's your house you paid for everything and you'll have a beautiful shabbos he says now you had a beautiful shabbos take back your money and have a wonderful a wonderful trip so this video there is an amazing passage in mishla it's aposic in proverbs better a feast of vegetables with love in it than a feast of a stuffed ox with hate in it what does this mean so the commentators say raul bagan but so this actually accommodates something beautiful sometimes you come into a home there's the most delicious food spear ribs every night but not stam krem de la creme gourmet sheba gourmet but there's no love in the home so says i would rather eat vegetables my whole life give that but it should be ava ave is there's love in the vegetables you sometimes walk into a home the needs are very basic but there's a family unit there's camaraderie there's there is uh affection there's kinship there's trust there's loyalty there's laughter there's joy you know what i'm talking about sometimes you can walk into a home everything is there but there's no soul sucks says michael i'll eat vegetables for the rest of my life but i want to feel the love i don't need to share everything stop the ox the sinner boy such an interesting expression there's hatred in the food the alcotrimony says that it's actually referring to a story lost his kingship and he became a poverty-stricken individual and he used to go collect i don't know if you know my mother used to go collect so the gemara is the alcotrimony says one day he comes into somebody's home and the person says yeah do i have a meal for you and he gives him a meal with shay evos the best most expensive steaks in the world moira dick but as he's eating he tells you remember what you did as a king you made this mistake you did this that was bad you were so horrible and slammable is sitting and eating because he was starving and he's crying and the madrid says the next day another person invites him to this home the man was poor he said i only have a little vegetables he gives him some vegetables but he says i want you to know that hashem gave an oath to your father david malach that the dynasty of david will never cease one day it's going to come back to your children and madrid finishes kievan when shlaimamella heard that he was already satiated he didn't have to eat anything else sometimes i can eat and eat and eat but i'm still starving because it's not the food i'm looking for you know people who binge know this very well it's not the food i'm looking for i already ate i ate everything my taste everybody is satisfied there's a void i'm trying to satisfy the moment sometimes you hear the good news you don't have to eat anymore you don't have to eat i'm afraid you know i sometimes do weddings so you go to the yichard room after the wedding they're always the caterer prepares the best food over there because the hustle and color were fasting right but the khasana kala never touched the food in the yucat room who eats it the rabbi and the photographer me and the photographer have a beautiful dinner you know the shriger leaves the schwere leaves everybody leaves this is this is you know unofficial it's unofficial what happens in the tent should stay in the tent but the photographer has the time of his life you know the best sushi everything is always fresh over there everything they play the hustle and color don't touch it they fasted him keep it by them but the mice is after the cup of the year room right the adrenaline there's so much excitement that they forget to eat when they come home from the wedding they're starving it's always a mitzvah to have food for the huston and cali you know two in the morning when they come home from the wedding they shouldn't have to wait to the you know second chevy brooke is for somebody to give them something you have to treat a king and queen nice but in any case roy mamela eats the vegetables he satiated amakaya why it wasn't the food it was the vegetables had love sensitivity empathy and the steak had the cinnaboi it had it had it had hatred in it the power of a word you know last night i was at a wedding mrs lamb who was one of the pillars of our class here almost from day one she married off her son yusra lamb to a girl in lakewood vori mizel so i went to the khasana and uh i was dancing with the khasir memory it was a few years ago before corona i was giving a shirt my morning shear to men downstairs here in 20 downstairs and there was a man there 45 years old and he's looking at me and people are very comfortable to ask questions in my class they interrupt constantly you can hear on the recordings and i see he wants to ask a question but he's he's having trepidation he's nervous he's anxious so i encourage him i say frank fleck asked no no i push him ask i want to hear your question man it's a stupid question i'm like i'm not continuing this class till you ask your question i love stupid questions because they're usually the most brilliant questions questions that people are embarrassed to ask are usually the best so you asked a question it was a good question i answered the question we went on at the end of the class i said i'm just wondering do you know why you were so afraid of asking the question everybody asks questions i i don't mind i like questions so he says yeah i'll tell you the story and he says it in front of everybody he says he was a boy in grade two or grade three in a particular particular yeshiva and they were learning pasha's boy and paris tells moisherabeno that the women and the youth he should leave in egypt the elders can leave so moisha says we're going to go with our youth and with our elders and then he says with our sons and with our daughters naelich will go why does it say twice nayla in the past i could have just said one sentence why'd you say we will go twice so that's what he asked the teacher who didn't have such pedagogical sensitivity says all these questions you'll ask for the seder for the these questions are for the seder this is not a question you ask it's a foolish question and he told me since then whenever a child asked a question and they wanted to make fun of the question they would say biscanani that was the symbol he said i never asked a question again in my life so this is the first time i asked a question in class at the age of 45. that's why i was hesitant at the sheer sitting the custom last night the straw lamb is his name mazel tov to the lamb and mises family and he says let me tell you my story he was learning here in muncie i think it was dagola terra by schwab i think and he said i asked a question i was also in second grade and when i finished asking the question the teacher says israel come with me to the principal's office i'm like oh you're not going to ask questions i'm going to be punished i didn't answer the question i'm like oh what did i do he brings me to the principal's office i go into the office and he tells the principal here this boy asked the question it was such a beautiful question i was so inspired by it i wanted the principal should hear ask the question again and he asked the question again and the principal gives him a big piece of chocolate for asking such an amazing question and yes looks at the class he was a little he was a baker then it's a few years ago well it was a bucket till last night but so a few years ago he was a young 17 boy seven year he said and since then i didn't stop asking questions it's one response it's one gesture it's the face it's how i look at a person it's one word that shatters somebody's dignity or builds somebody's dignity that makes a person feel alone in the world i can't trust ultimately somebody's gonna betray me i always have to protect myself i have to wear bulletproof vests and that's what people do emotionally they put on bullet proof vests so nobody can get close because i can't deal with the pain of another dagger in my chest emotionally i already had it they may not even know why they're doing it it may have been a decision that happened at such a young age subconsciously you don't even know why i just know this is how i'm living they don't even know there's another way of life because this has become entrenched in my psyche my neural pathways think this way this is this is how this is how i react to it it's so important especially people in education morris and machanchos teachers principals manali manalos mashpee and mashp it's so important don't be stingy with warmth there was a boy he was leaving yeshiva the first day and i meet him in shul i said how how was the first day he said it was lousy i said what happened he said i came with my yamaka there's a certain uniform and the yamaka has some i don't know whatever you know these yamakas that have a picture or whatever it is and i came so the the principal of the yeshiva the monarchne walks over to me the first day and he says this yamaka is forbidden in this yeshiva go to the dorm change yama can come back so i said okay what bothered you so much did you not know about the uniform he says no the guy didn't even say hi it's the first day of yeshiva so i was speaking to a group of mechanical and i would say you know by if i'm the manager of an office i'm not talking about jews the first day and not just the first day the second day the third day what's the first thing you do in the morning when your employees show up what's the first thing you do good morning how are you so nice to see you how are your children how is life how is the weather whatever you talk about you're dealing with the shaman souls that are so uh so fragile not everybody but many are so fragile and sensitive a bucket comes to yeshiva in the morning give him a hug you don't want to give him a hug give him a kiss on his forehead you don't want to give him a kiss on his fourth greet him warmly greet her warmly it's so nice to see you avert tell them how happy you are that they're here in your presence we become stingy with our words we become stingy with our emotions not realizing that words and gestures and an expression of real friendship camaraderie and empathy for some people is so vital it literally makes the difference of a successful life towards khalil the opposite last shop is some isis whoever was here last shopper's nose last shoppers i gave a sheer shot this morning here in shul and i finished the class they started to daven and the woman walks into the men's section and she comes over to the table where i was sitting and she said i came here this shabbat she announces loud so the whole shall hurt i came here this shabbos to tell you rabbi jacobson that you saved my life thank you so they started the dolphins i said let's just walk out because i didn't want to disturb the dom and i said let's just walk out to the porch there's plenty of outdoor space in our show we look for indoor space but outdoor space we have so i said let's go outside and you'll share with me so i go outside and this woman tells me this is last chance a few three to four days ago last hanukkah she was walking she was going to a menorah lighting she lives in long island and a truck didn't see her and a truck hit her she was unconscious and when they came they declared her dead she seemed dead but she was alive she said all her ribs all the ribs were broken all the rib bones were broken literally and it was a terrible situation when she woke up they said we don't know if you're going to survive but she survived and they sent her home after a month or two months but she completely could not move bed literally all day literally could not move and her whole life was transformed from a successful vibrant life into literally a paralyzed life because i'm in bed all day what stuff like what am i supposed to do so i decided i'm going to start listening to your classes this is corona days so i was producing a lot lectures here and there which is in the morning i learned with you in the afternoon south africa and then in the evening australia and then the next day it's israel and she's basically and then she said i realized that every other class you say the same thing i said yeah basically i say the same thing in different words but she said there's one line you kept on saying that every person has to know that you're an ambassador those of you who listen to me know my mission ah very good very good you're an ambassador of love light hope and she starts copying me on the porch and uh and she said i'm listening to this and i'm like i'm not gonna surrender to this fate that they're telling me and this is every class i was just getting more energy and more energy and i told my physical therapist i'm an ambassador of love light and hope i have to light up the world i can't be here in bed for the rest of my life i said up my therapy and she says now look at me she's walking around running around so she says i came here for shabbos i stayed by the green family i came here for shabbos just to tell you thank you and she said i just want to tell you don't stop talking i don't know if my wife would like to hear that don't stop talking because you never know who's listening when they're listening and what it does for them at any given moment it was so humbling to hear this ah it's very good to hear it and now we'll understand that avraham avinu did you know why angels may not need to eat steak but they also need dignity angels are spiritual beings they also want warmth when the rambam tells us that the main midst of agnos is escorting the guests not just feeding them he's explaining to us why avraham winner they know how much hashem loves him and cherishes them and if you'll notice something fascinating and this is again these nuances it's so easy to miss the dagger machine ephraim says this he was the grandson of the boshemtov because if you look at the opening verse that i gave you in the source of love three men are standing above him interesting they're standing above him it's a euphemism but the language is fascinating a few so come later who i made was standing above them what happened in the beginning who's greater a malachor person in the beginning it's immediate they're standing over him they're greater than him he's a human being they're angels but once he invited them once he did the mitzvah of him the way angels can do it now suddenly who amid allah at this point avraham avinu is much higher than the malach so allah will look up to him so when avram escorts them it's not just an escort of an angel the guy doesn't need you of course he needs you may not need you for the steak he may not need you for the ice cream for the power of cheesecake he may not need you for the trolling for the kugel for the chicken for the meat for the four types of salads malachim don't eat quinoa maybe quinoa they eat maybe that's why they live long they they may not meet me for my quinoa my spinach or my celery and certainly not for the carbs but for the livia for the connection of course so the loch ness wasn't fiction it wasn't just an avraham's mind it was actually a very real real experience according to this we understand beautifully why the rambam source forged from that first passage you're standing in front of hashem talk is i don't motion to people you don't text people you stand bama with or be adolf named that's even in the middle of esra vayari love hashem hashem appears to have rama vinomish in reality how does he even see that there are three people walking he sees hashem is talking to you what are your adhd hashem is talking to you see much more than shmaina but vayar he saw because when there's three people who from avraham whose vision needed help they're standing in a scorched weather the sun is spurting and they must be thirsty and starving at that point of course he didn't know their angels he noticed them that notice is even before that captures the essence there's actually i'm telling hashem don't leave i want to take care of them taking care of them but noticing them while you're standing with hashem this represents my sense of empathy my sense of caring my sense of connection my sense of attachment somebody asked me one day i don't know why they said is diagnosis argument muncie i said what do you mean they said we invite sometimes a family for shabbos or relative but it's not a master cycle they have what to eat we won't invite them they'll find food they have food in their house so it's not really anybody doing akrasarka mainly you find somebody who's partial hungry somebody falls into a place somebody's stuck in an airport somebody's stuck in a city i understand but most of the closest arkhams it's not real but now we understand that that's not the case maybe i'm not giving you food that maybe i'm not giving you food that if you wouldn't have this food you would starve a whole shampoo you can go to somebody else to sure less food you can go to the kiddish but if the essence of the ramen says is what lava is it's the dignity that i give a person it's that we share a home we share family we share connection it's that i enjoy you it's that i honor your soul not only your mouth not only your stomach so now i ask you a question somebody who has a home filled with food and pantries filled with food they don't need that they need it as much as anybody else sometimes they need it more than anybody else we now come to the final point how can avram say to hashem don't leave if hashem is omnipresent if he's everywhere where is he leaving to what does it mean don't leave alma so says something absolutely magnificent and he says what does it even mean that something is greater than welcoming hashem what does it even mean you're experiencing hashem and then you tell hashem wait wait there's something more important than you if hashem is reality if hashem is all of reality something more important even a person what's a person you're honoring a person what's a person a person is hashem's energy in the world or to quote some guy he's a god's ambassador in this world she said not to stop i won't stop so you're honoring a person who's but selena mello kim so you're telling hashem wait wait wait i've got to go honor i got to go honor a person versus but tell them eli kim but that's really the idea there's two ways in which i experience god one is a person experiences hashem in private setting a vision davening learning intimacy meditation mindfulness an epiphany an experience an enlightenment it's your spiritual own transcendent moments that you have in life every person according to their own state and capacity and then there is the way i touch god by being there for another person by literally giving somebody a drink embracing somebody hugging them giving them a kiss telling them a kind word inviting them into my life i touch god there too but i'm not touching god in a transcendent experience i'm touching god through seeing him in the face of a stranger through seeing hashem in the face and the soul of another person says was telling hashem hashem is not going anywhere but if i find favor in your eyes don't leave me when i'm busy giving tongue and mustard to three bedouins don't leave me allow me to know and experience the same vacus the same intimacy the same oneness that i have with you in moments of spiritual transcendence allow me to alma savor my love don't run away from my experience don't allow me to feel that now i'm descending into a physical technical world defined by food and drinks defined by pampers and kitchens kitchens defied defined by microwaves ovens and shoppings and deliveries and boxes and washing and bathing and cleaning and laundry what does this have to do with hashem moments of spiritual transcendence they seem very godly al-nasaba may allah don't let go of me don't go away from me don't go away from my conscience allow me to realize that what i'm tending to the physical need or to the emotional need of a child of a friend of a stranger a telephone an appointment it's technical it's tedious it's monotonous it's as boring as it gets i probably don't have to elaborate on the various duties and responsibilities of life it's like and i want to say get me out of here take me to a place of serenity that's where you come here so he asks don't go away from me allow me to experience the truth that touching you and finding you in the daily grind of life of being there for another person of touching the grace in another person of showing love and empathy to another person i should be able to realize that not only you're here but in many ways it's much deeper and greater than the relationship that comes in moments of spiritual transcendence have a wonderful week and thank you for coming this class is brought to you by the yeshiva.net please help us continue the classes make even a small contribution at www.theyoshiva.net donate