How To Actually Function With ADHD

expert in ADHD. ADHD is ADHD with ADHD. Yeah, I just told myself I'm feeling scared and I used to go in Australia and for sales I used to knock doors but manus is focused just of mental health and positivity of the days will talk about the client and I said would you sell me your Yankee for a trillion dollars and he said I love Monroe >> I love being in the box Beautiful in the box. Welcome to another episode of Positivity. Very excited to sit here with it is ADHD specialist and therapist YouTube channel following and we wanted to get into a conversation openminded just finished a long day of work personally. So this is man outlet. This is the introduce yourself. What do you do? What's your specialty? Let's dive in. Exactly. Hi. >> Hi. >> I don't know. Where are we starting? What's going What are we going to do? >> So, what is your specialty? What do people know you for? How did you get into it? Um, how do you help people? What's the story? Give us a little background. >> Right. I don't know myself. I like to do it that way. I want you to see the raw ADHD person. [laughter] >> Okay. Deepest ADHD person. Who's mind ADHD? Um do add um enlighten me. >> Obviously I'm quiet now because I feel my nerve system is tight. You know you have a very big followers, a very big following. >> Yeah. >> And under the vibe. Mhm. >> And the vibe is actually very very positive. [laughter] It is much more positive v mechanis of the screen. >> Oh wow. >> Including you know I walked in and I said the first second that is positive. >> This was pieces in Alaska. [laughter] >> I don't know. And mention because they talk from safety. They talk for safety. A manage with ADHD is g 180 degree different to a normal person normal is 85% of 15% ADHD was an undiagnosed so 80% mention that's practical Mhm. mentioned that in ADHD the eyes wander a bit AND I I genuinely did not know I'm seriously. >> Wow. [sighs] >> So normal people and for safety and a person with ADHD is a very honest person. He doesn't like that and I feel as >> but because I'm doing this 12 hours a day I'm helping people I'm working with people s in person s on the phone I'm comfortable with myself and I want to take in the vibe. >> Got it. >> So welcome to Elli Weber show. >> Exactly. >> The place where positivity and creativity meets. >> Got it. What can I help you with my ADHD? [laughter] Oh, okay. Hot. Um, shout out the sponsor of this episode, the panels group. We all uh heard about this mention was Maka Solar for their house and are able to save monthly on their electric bill about 30 to 40%. So, matata lines and he saved a tremendous amount of money in mechanis financing. So basically instead of paying an electric bill, you're going to be paying a solar panel bill in a madaf let's say for your house you can also incorporate it into the payments. Soak and solar panels you are still paying cheaper than your electric bill. I actually looked into these numbers for my own house. So the customer so yeah guys check this out. The number is 347435 um 2327 and if you mention positivity or Weber, you get $500 back. So if you've been considering doing solar panel in the New Jersey area or in Muny or in Arizona, uh mention Weber and you get yourself $500 back besides saving the money every single month on your electric bill. Either way, you can reach out and get a free quote. You know, all you have to do is send your one electric bill in your address and they'll tell you exactly how much money you can save, but it's fully hassle-free. Will take care of you directly. Send them a WhatsApp. Um, again, the number is 3474352327's most mentioned as hub ADHD ADHD. So, let's try to find what ADHD is. ADHD. Yeah. I just told myself I'm feeling scared. >> Okay. Okay. Because um of the podcast, [sighs] which is a common way to calm down the nervous system. Um because I was like wow it is whims meaning it's consistent over the last three years basically and yet he's still sitting on a podcast and using his own techniques to calm his nervous system down. I found that to be impressive and I do it. Um my wife personally the first time few times she asked me this she would ask me oh you nervous or something is going on. No I'm just doing this before I even get to the point or whatever. Um to talk to me about the utman what what does this do? What can what can somebody do to uh do the same thing as well as I help them? [snorts] [sighs] There's actually more to it because I'm detecting people's nerve system. >> Okay. and health and people that move with me move I would say nic potentiality expected because I never I never knew as if can detect in people's I don't know what you call it nerve system or energy and I believe that every person with ADHD actually can detect it they just don't know what they're feeling >> around anxious They're fighting with a vibe and they don't know what they're feeling. They're feel they're detecting people's nerve system. They speak for safety and the other person detects that and they don't like it and all of a sudden it's a complicated topic. A person with ADHD, a practical woman has bias problems because a person with ADHD is one of the kindest people. They're kind. I don't know if they're kind because this is who they are or because I'm emotional patch emotional disappointments as you know my neighbor navigation helped and I asked him who's and I liked his answer he said mind was a flexible and he tells me flexible discipline. So a parent that's that's doing tough parenting >> just do >> Mhm. >> A parent see I pulled you in my vibe. >> Yeah. So a parent who did tough parenting is actually doing the best thing for her child because >> is tough parenting disciplining. He's not losing himself >> right is ADHD possible. >> I like it. See, now I'm getting a bit bit more into it and I'm feeling more comfortable with you. Hi, how you doing today? Overwhelmed. But one of I feel like the gifts and talents is that I can very much transition. OMG. >> Yeah. >> You were overwhelmed. >> Yeah. >> I didn't know. And what am I feeling? My cop is knew it's not for me because I did my techniques. I did grounding. I did safety. >> Yeah. >> What am I feeling? It makes sense now. >> Yeah. Yeah. And I usually don't get that overwhelmed. So for me it was I [laughter] I reached a new high came at this. But I'm saying for me it was like a new level of overwhelm. Um but that's that's why I'm an entrepreneur and I do a lot of different business things and including um Weber media steamer social media storytelling [snorts] for companies. Um, so yeah, you're definitely feeling things, but compartmentalizing is is a big one for me. Um, feelings and emotions. I I think I also learned that mentioned they catastrophize like relax. It's not uh >> right. Can I can I say do ADHD ADHD person can we go to Okay. >> So, um but we're going to get to the point anyway. >> Yeah. Right. >> Yeah. >> So, um um I like your vibe by the way. It's a good vibe, you It's a healthy vibe. But anyway, I want to say is um therapy license and I refuse to take license. >> Okay. >> And therapy was focused of the emotional system. The emotional system is health with anything expert in ADHD ADHD. So I can share my experience because I struggled a lot. >> I struggled a lot. So that's good for the ratings, right? Amazing. I struggled. >> So ADHD, >> right? So to the point emotions. Okay, >> emotions are not a from the human system. There is actually several systems that's going on. The system hides the body, the nerf system. The da is the pressure system. The fer is the emotional system. The fif is the cognitive system, the relational system and meaning and purpose. A healthy person means he flows between all seven. He can flow between all seven. ADHD person is the problem. Nishan emotional system pressure system go move go now. >> So the ADHD person is the operational system >> pressure system >> pressure system pressure minds by the way beautiful office. >> Thank you Westwood. Thank you for hosting us. We really appreciate it. Who's hosting what? >> The Westwood. They said the Westwood studio. This is the Westwood building, the nicest, most beautiful office in the Lakewood area/toms river border. Um, >> so it actually is nice and I was scared because I used to go in Australia for sales. I used to knock doors. I used to get into these big corporate buildings and I felt so small, so little. I had no business experience. Didn't know any English. often signed. Do you want to buy tona from me? >> Oh, wow. >> So, the professional building, right? >> It's a good feeling. I >> No, it was scary. >> Oh, scary. [laughter] Oh, still a month from so um but back to the ADHD. So, I have a problem with the pressure which means that that what again on a physical term, what does that look like? >> What's the language in Australia? The pressure [laughter] problem. The pressure system. What's the pressure system? So the pressure system of the accelerator. Okay. inve >> it's going to be a problem will it >> yeah that's going to stop that's going to sometimes the ADHD sometimes Sometimes he's always too quick. His pressure system. There's a lot of people pressure system is pressuring him complaining the complaint different >> and reality >> reality it's true it's true because ADHD it's pretty complicated I can talk to you um a normal person's awareness >> [laughter] >> Okay. >> So do awareness, focus and attention. Awareness, attention and focus. >> Okay. >> The awareness for a person a normal person is in the front. Practical is practical. I'm multitasking. A man with ADHD. >> Correct. >> Practical, >> right? A woman is practical. I feel his ADHD practical. >> Okay. ADHD person is abstract. Abstract mind is an awareness is of meaning. Why? Because stop asking me why do it. But they don't know why should I do this like why >> wow >> and of the of the core of their being >> right >> and they can't feel because it's abstract feel the vibe >> dimension they they become lost right >> I'm used to it so >> I'm taking in the vibe this is who I am and I'm accepting myself >> right So it is abstract minded but it doesn't work that way. Whatever highway >> yeah highway is just a waste of time. >> Mhm. >> Do I make sense? >> But there is another thing a person healthy dopamine level. You know what that means, right? >> Mhm. >> Can I use it? >> Yeah. Is that okay? >> Nice and warm. >> Yeah. >> There you go. Westwood. So, an average person, the dopamine level is Bisdu. That means Okay. Now dopamine level is a is a hormone. Dopamine is the reward system as a hormone of was reward um was getting was the feeling in the the body feeling good and this is activated mostly um natural sunlight exercise um was triggered. Dopamine is a chemical in the brain. Intimacy is dopamine connection. Intimacy connection is dopamine. Um, isn't vaping dopamine? >> I don't know. >> It's a nicotine. Nicotine dopamine hit. Um, scrolling is dopamine. Um, It's okay. Just remember, yeah, let's do like serotonin. So, do uh the four kind of reward system chemicals in the brain. So, so dopamine v reward completing self-care activities, eating food and celebrating little wins. Oxytocin is playing with a baby, holding hands, hugging a loved one. Endorphin is laughing, exercising, dark chocolate and essential oils. And serotonin is sun exposure, meditation, running or being in nature. So basically dopamine serotonin but main chemicals. So yeah a bunch of lists. So but in the ideas was that helpful >> very >> okay. Um so the dopamine level is >> so the dopamine level average because I'm speaking his language in abstract. >> Okay. >> Meaning practical he's not going to go out for a walk. >> Okay. >> He needs to know why. >> Mhm. >> Because a complete different operating system. A normal practical person the ADHD person values ADHD. >> Yay. Let's celebrate [laughter] because >> everyone is listening [snorts] ADHD. >> No, I don't think so. But definitely pressure system is always ahead and [sighs] ADHD is love. I mention OCD is very very similar mentioned with anifa mentions OCD is cleanliness man OCD is clean obsession [clears throat] compulsion disorder and that's a real disorder OCD mentions. Okay. and give us a case OCD Freud. Okay. Can I put it down? >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Ziggman Freud a theory. Did I do something wrong? No. >> It's okay. Yeah, the ADHD mention ADHD. It's the people who appeal just just leave it raw. Agree. But the mindset happens to be situation. So I'm I'm all ears at least 75. >> Okay. So the gdangy with zigma. So, okay. And I believe in a beautiful I can combine together a lot of modalities, >> right? >> Which is true. >> So, coach basically. >> Okay. So what is your background history if you can make it in carto. [laughter] >> Yeah. By the way, [laughter] 90% guaranteed. >> It's beautiful. It's beautiful. And I'm not fighting the structure. I like being in the structure. I got married in Australia. >> Wow. How do you adjust to Australia? >> Openminded, whatever, I guess. Um, >> now basically we're too young for you. It was like a trip, an activity. >> I think I still think about what's going on with me. >> I'm still g ignorance is bliss. Probably >> the submission phenomen with ADHD is difficult to comprehend. This is submissionish next level. >> Okay. >> It's next levelish. >> How was Australia in general? >> Oh, beautiful. I miss culture. >> I miss it. >> It's it's nice. You see people rather than seeing business. >> Mhm. >> It's it's the vibe is nice. It's a beautiful country. It's I miss it. >> This is funny. The opposite schedule funny. >> So funny. Was it interesting? I felt I felt very nice because Yeah. >> People audience they just there is a unhappiness feeling today in the in the air. >> Mhm. >> Was talking a few minutes with him and I liked it. Um >> secret amount of healthy information exist. podcast was bring their kind of information is is I'm sorry for saying that my latest talks let's like it was an amazing episode I enjoyed and loved every I watched it not just listen to it you know days. Um but man podcast is focused just of mental health and positivity of the days will talk about don'tcess but majority of the time healthy foods like things that make actual difference for people. Um, you got me excited. So, Australia, >> sorry. >> Um, there is there's very few people in it's it's very interesting [clears throat] when I remember when I was flying flee 24 hours. >> Yeah. Yeah, >> it's a Mishma. I figured out something interesting before I even thought I'm going to be a coach or something like that. >> Yeah. >> And in Australia, I have a business. It's still going. It's a pretty big business. >> And when we moved here, Marba told me to sell it. So, >> I didn't know what I'm going to do here. I'm jumping topics, but um I tried many things. I came in with money and a lot of money and I tried a lot of things and I flushed down a lot and I saw nothing is moving until mishi because that's actually guiding me. >> Mhm. >> And we'll talk about it and it just I started getting clients and it was interesting to me because I'm becoming a better person. It was very interesting to me. But back to back to to Australia. Interesting. >> The travel you're not yourself anymore. >> You're really becoming yourself. >> This mind I mentioned in protection mode, right? A mental in protection mode. So really is as he's not himself 100% because he's scared because his life experiences in the person that he is shaped him who he should be how he should act and in a certain image who I am. So when I traveled it took me out of my protection mode cuz I was too confused and I just became myself. Osman became yourself. >> I became back to myself and it was very interesting because I'm a very kind person. I'm genuinely excited about them because I'm excited about people. >> I was just scared to connect to people because I was hurt every time I was trying to connect on my way. >> Mhm. >> And it turned out very interesting. I was liked. I was cherished and it felt something amazing. Number there are so few people that you you're really somebody mention obviously there's a reason to it. >> Wow. So mention, >> right? >> Because in Australia, you don't look at the image, you see the person >> because what kind of business did you have over there? >> Um, I have office supplies and PPE. and I haven't gotten around to it yet. >> So, how long ago did you move back? >> Two years. >> And why? >> Because Mhm. in I liked Australia, all my businesses, investments, everything is there like it was too far for me and it was very difficult for her and I said can we give it the six seven months >> and she wasn't ready so she did something a good trick behind my back. >> Mhm. >> And Wow. Wow. >> So, I just figured out as it's going to be cheaper for me to stay here. [laughter] >> Yeah, exactly. >> Wow. >> It was interesting. It was interesting cuz she's from Australia and she wanted to move and I wanted to stay. >> I just got used to the culture. It's it's it's a different culture. I didn't know I'm going to make a living. What's going to be here? >> Okay. >> And I still haven't landed 100%. >> Wow. Yeah. first one in Australia and whenever I guess it actually probably makes sense. >> That is true set you for two weeks. >> It's it's brutal. It's >> I liked it because it's bringing back to my original self and I liked it. It was nice >> and slowly I grew back into the protection mode and it I didn't like it but I I didn't know how to get >> the protection mode that you talk about. I feel like I'm relating to it. I'm just curious how you frame it. >> What are you feeling >> for myself? I feel I personally I feel a lot of fear in my day-to-day life and I think that I try to be very comfortable to navigate those fears through physical things, thoughts, ideas, distractions. So I think that's that's where I stand. That's my protective mode. It's like for me personally is a challenge and and sometimes still challenging because either resources or the ability to or to distract yourself. So it's a real version of okay connected to the real us. [sighs] And who is the real you? feeling comfortable and safe to say. >> I feel comfortable to say, you know, um the real me I I I the real me is not thoughts and and and neither feelings. So that would be the real me. So thinking then I would probably find me. >> The real you can't be your thoughts because you can observe your thoughts. >> Correct. >> The real you can't be your feelings because you can observe your feelings. >> Correct. But those this is what dictates most of the time for most people. >> Right. So, um, yeah, I still try to meditate as often as possible or just chill, relax. Why would you need meditation so much if the core value would be fixed? >> Um, I think that the >> I'm just asking. >> Yeah, I think that the brain con just figuring it out. >> Yeah, I think that the brain constantly puts up a fight. >> So, it's not just core value fixed and boom. The brain is always gonna poke in and ego mind in zan. Yeah. But depends on the ru of somebody telling him, "Oh, but fight and whe it's always going to create a story drama because nor is the ego mind in charge other relevant." Can I ask you early something? >> Yeah. >> Have you ever thought? >> Yeah. Are >> you safe if I ask? >> Yeah, I've thought. >> What are you protecting? >> What I am protecting? >> I don't know. What's my ego? I think ego is the perception of oneself and how we think we are viewed in the world. Right. What are you protecting? I guess that image of me who I think I am. Who's going to mention then? I don't know. Are they going to see that Ellie is a nothing and Eddie has nothing to offer? Yeah, that would essentially be the fear. Yeah. >> And that's a very echo digger feeling, right? >> Mhm. >> Because I have absolutely nothing to offer and I don't want people to come too close to me because they're going to see that. >> Yeah, >> I understand you. That makes a lot of sense. Nobody likes to feel that. >> Can I ask you something? >> Yep. Yeah. >> Was she happy? >> Probably. >> You gave her zero. You were completely imperfect. You were an ugly face because you had no face at the time. A baby vabden is an ugly looking face. But still your mom is craving you. She loves you to bits. The concept human value that is being replaced with skill value. By the way, I'm feeling now finally in my zone. If you want to start off now this conversation, now I'm feeling it. Good. [sighs] This was a tough one. [laughter] This was a tough one. So, um, anyway, so the client and I said, "Would you sell me your Yankee for a trillion dollars?" And he said, "But you will do that." And I'm thinking to myself, if somebody comes up to me, I'm giving you a trillion dollars cash plus a massive mansion lifetime guarantee in flights with helicopters. And I was genuinely thinking, would I sell this child? I have no relationship with this baby. would I sell him for a trillion dollars? And I wanted to have a true moment to myself and I said no, I would not sell them. I would not sell this child. Why? Because that is called human value. That is a value as a human completely imperfect. The mama is busy baby and your mom is still happy with you. >> Yeah. So how does a person if I understand correctly you're saying that when a man can connect it is and it just naturally loved how can a then he's good to go >> 100%. How can a person go back to I understand that human experience shapes us to believing and I know specifically being that shi child I needed to create a persona around who Ellie Vber is ideed the the class clown because I needed Ellie Vber needed to be something more in order kicking off him. So the question is if you can mention in authentically connecting to the original baby of who he really is. >> Why do they need to connect? How about just be? >> Yeah. How can they just be? >> That is my job. What I do in it's actually I had a guy taken in Lakewood that his wife called me. I was sitting with him for three hours in Kabong. I used to initially only give um coaching on the phone and I still do >> and I could feel I can feel a difference the the energy I I can't describe it. It's something that I'm grabbing the person's energy and he's feeling relaxed and calm. So um two and a half to be exact. And she tells me in 24 years and he's OCD. uh he hasn't been diagnosed but the majority of people with kimonoon see the teeth I mentioned with kimon I can sense it they were never diagnosed but they don't have it on a severe level OCD mind obsession there is compulsion as well obsession mind you're obsessed with anything I suggest going to somebody to for medication but there are ways and techniques you learn how to live with it. So that person is definitely had OCD and OCD is nishkan mental disorder. It is a safety disorder >> and because I studied the human system um I know how to work with it on a different way and I can see people move very quick and a lot of wives become scared. They become scared because >> she said it's the first time in 24 years I felt my husband. She didn't say my husband became perfect. >> She didn't say my husband became beautiful. She didn't say my husband became smart. >> I felt him. >> What? What did she feel? >> And that's what she wanted to know. Is that real? Because talking to my father, >> why did he change >> exactly her question? How can I trust? What is going on here? >> Okay. >> D from the same story. A woman called and she wanted to understand her husband is Evie, DHD. >> Mhm. and they were almost about to divorce. >> Mhm. >> And the husband is Kim and Samir and I just started coaching him and I'm a different type of coach or therapist. You can call it a therapist but different type >> that I'm not telling people what to do. >> So I'm just bringing out to the person I want to see the naked you. >> Yeah. >> Right. [laughter] And [clears throat] it's beautiful because in the in the statue the ego mind and when it opens it's beautiful you. So the wife and I'm guiding everything and we'll talk about it later. Everything that I do is everything and it's so deep. next to >> they have no they have no clue >> but this is gold and I was guiding the husband and things changed around and the wife became scared she didn't know what's going on she felt that she's falling for it but what changed >> and it's difficult for me to explain because the the results are so quick as long as I have the trust they have the trust in me they become a different person besides different. They just become themselves. >> And I have a theory. >> Can I say? >> Yeah. >> The theory is that I believe that is natural. Of the finger. Yeah. Natural. Natural. Right. blockers. If I manage to take all the blockages one after the other, the natural ugly self comes out and that is gorgeous. >> The imperfection of the human race is beautiful, >> right? But people are so far from their real self. So again, what are some of the tools or tips? I meant just listen to this because you enlightened me journey how much therapy I've done and work and reading books. You're right. How many times a day do I think back ver is and or about the fact of how much you know safety I've built around this idea and distractions how much I do every single day just not to get to the question of where is Alber what is he hiding from what is he scared from what's he protecting and so on so how can a person take a few minutes now to find at least for a few minutes who they really are who they're protecting, who they're acting out from, who they are. >> Because it's too deep, the body, the nerve system I give the person, it's so powerful. The person feels all of a sudden held. He feels safe to open up just to be themselves in a minute to feel themselves. I don't know how to do that. >> You cannot lie to me. I would love to know. >> I would love to know. But it is a lot of protection. >> Can I say something? You can cut it out if you want. I can hear in your voice that is so much protection. >> That is so much protection not to open up. Yeah, >> 100%. >> You can cut it out. I apologize. I I know that I live that way and I admit it. I constantly say, "Oh, this triggers me that like yeah I get very much heated and assaulted quickly." >> It was a problem to be insulted. What does bring it up in here? So yeah, it brings up resentment, anger, but and and even fear and I learned to embrace it. So you embrace it because the reality. But what are you trying to protect? It's always going to come back to I'm protecting nothing. feel as a feel we are nothing. >> Okay. The question is how do you feel like something? >> Right? That's what I just said. You are something. >> Yeah. >> Imperfect, right? >> Zero, >> right? >> Being is something existence. But I want to say something. Next level that's it in for therapy and I went a lot to therapy. I spent around 80 $90,000 in therapy in Australia. >> Okay. >> And I couldn't pinpoint that something didn't resonate with me. Today I know what's going on. I believe in therapy. They need somebody divorce that is therapy guidance coaching business of core values. of manhhat line that's what I teach is aim and I was sure that everyone is looking at the pig and the zel the tora said that's it just do nothing just go just do it do it mind with no emotion no emotion just do it and all of a sudden you got to reach success you're reaching the mount Everest the quickest possible way there's a lot of people I'm talking with and I'm doing it because like somebody says it really triggered me really to have to sell you the but I will and today I don't like doing business coaching but everything right >> of core values just do that just focus on and you're going to reach success that your eye can blink but I was mistaken that not everyone is willing to work believe in so that's when to know the human system deep and have a very deep understanding with it and I like to learn every day and I'm learning from including yourself right so point somebody something. Sorry, you mind repeating? >> Yeah. Yeah, that's a question. >> So to feel yourself really. Mhm. Oh wow. That's how you lose human value, right? >> You lose human value when the point. Welcome aboard. ADHD mind, attention deficit, hyperactivity disorder. I would like to argue with that a bit because I don't believe it's a disorder. The H is a disorder but is just a class of people. The ADHD person is an awareness is of abstract. What's funny? I am genuinely different. I'm genuinely different. I have no idea. A person with ADHD of core values. I have no clue. >> Sometimes for like no reason ADHD symptoms. What's wrong with that? >> Yeah. >> Oh, wow. >> So, back to Australia. So, and then somebody said to me, Sim, you have a charm. People like you. Little did he know they had no idea how to be with people. >> Mhm. >> And he tells me just woke up and hun toner cartridges. That's what I did. I had no clue what a tonic cartridge is. >> Yeah. >> And my ADHD, the H was driving me and I succeeded at Bata Deshmaya. It was strange. >> Wow. >> It was strange. >> Mhm. >> But then we had a fallout and I opened up my own business and then I moved back. >> Mhm. >> That's what I'm doing today. I'm helping people. Yeah. Yeah, I'm helping people in all aspects of life especially um basically dementia are best at a human being with ADHD. It's anybody. >> Mhm. >> But I just connect with >> ADHD coaching for anybody I guess >> just to be a better person. >> Right. Right. Got it. Um what are the 14 values that you mentioned? >> 12 core values. 12 core values and it's a bit um it's it's really that I'm just putting the focus on the face in the water normally. No, no, no. It's right in front of you. >> Wow. So I just want to say therapist can can we go back to that? >> So in the front I'll just get in the front and I could feel their flaws. They they have the perfect life. >> They have a lot of flaws >> and probably more than other people. >> Mhm. >> It's either or. going through other than issues and it's hard to me to believe that they are 100% okay because I didn't think and I thought initially he's making fun of me and I said at him later and he's but I'm still accepting it. And he said, so I wanted to back out quickly. So I said, "Nah, it's okay. It's okay." So he asked me again but together with a story licensed therapist gives us information of and he was trying to make a separation I mean a mind separating between the messy story and I was shocked. Mhm. >> She had a a licensed therapist and I was thinking then to myself and the man came up to me and she wanted to know guidance like what am I doing? She felt she was lost like what did I do wrong serious case? I'm going to stay and I'm going to be the tower of light because the real vague is the goal is shulam. >> Wow. And I can say that people who I'm working with one step closer to each other and to themselves. And I'll tell you a little story. Can I say? >> Yeah. Drugs and alcohol. And he was an addict. and he specifically wanted to come to me in Zavabish because I don't have license. It was interesting because after a meeting with therapist mention some lights and some experience and I was seeing A human being is a machine. I can open you up and I can trigger you within a second because you're a machine. Yep. >> Right. So therapist level inatient outpatient. You know what that is? Right. outpatient impatient and they were trying she wanted them to convince him to become to go impatient. Um impatient mind we still have time. Yeah. >> I'm sorry. impatient mind supposedly. So I was just listening to this therapist talking to him and I I could feel that they just triggering mameish that I'm teaching not to do and he became so enraged and he just stormed out of the room. I think to myself gosh did these people they have license how in the end I I convinced impatient and I said I can't do that. He never asked me what to do. It's up to him and he never asked me but if he is going to ask me I can just open him up to see impatient >> and I took him I took him off drugs and alcohol I never met him in person and he's still off drugs and alcohol and it was a very special story to me because >> or through Zoom sessions. >> No no no on the phone. On the phone. >> Wow. I probably would have gotten much much further with him if I meet in person. But >> and it was interesting to me >> a person with ADHD in a gang of drugs and alcohol because he's not finding himself. >> He didn't feel that he's human. His father is a very wealthy person. Mhm. Right. Impressive. [sighs and gasps] I wish validated. So, it's good. Thank you. >> You're welcome. Um, anything else that you want to finish off with? >> I don't know. What do you think? Is there anything you have on my on your mind? I for me I'm just going home and working on myself to again be able to find myself more and more and more >> kind of work on yourself. I want to I want to be present at any time. You know, just bring yourself back to challenge you. >> Yeah. >> May I? >> Yeah. >> Can it be that the real work is zero work? >> Yeah. 100%. >> And that's why I said wives become scared because there is no work. What's going on here with my husband? There was no work. I didn't change a bit. How can it be that he loves me? What is going on? That's my question. Kenzan that the real work is zero work. Is it possible as a beautifully nice you don't trigger the person? >> Yeah. >> Is it possible? 100%. >> Imagine if a challenge of that way of life that you chose. >> How would you feel about it? 2 and a half minutes you'll be triggered and I'll be out the door. >> Right. >> Yeah. >> Why would I do that? >> Right. >> There is no bad people and there is no good people. People want to feel themselves. Protection is fight. How do I help somebody, an individual to feel like themselves? So >> like you were trying to do for me. >> I like the question. I like it. So the Kik that people get like call it amazed or scared is because marriage counselor they give you work to do. >> Sure. >> Is that maybe a problem? Because how can the person work on themselves when he's not feeling himself? There is a block. Do you think the husband doesn't like his wife? Do you think the wife wants to have a difficult life? Listen, you see, I'm going to make sure you have a miserable life, sweetheart. >> You wait. I'll show you what miserable is all about. >> That means people are just in pain. They're just protecting themselves. A turtle. A turtle is not angry on the belt. They're just sheltering themselves because they're scared. And it's so beautiful to see plot turtle. It's so beautiful to see it and watch it, >> right? >> But the second they feel danger, he's protecting himself. A person with ADHD >> just quickly, can I say we have another minute? >> Yeah. >> So the secret in relationship just the relational system as I said systems is And it's still not going to change it relational system belong >> but this is the fact >> correct >> so this film That's it. You're I mean celebrities millions of mention celebrity a celebrity that means I see you I see you >> it's a very it's a pointity I see you >> as kick the celebrity a celebrity celebrity dimension. >> I see you. But I see you. I just see you. You disagree. >> Yeah. >> I love it. Challenge me. Yay. >> The biggest celebrities of all videos. They ignore people. They ignore fans. >> Um the biggest celebrities ignoring fans. Um I agree with you actually. It makes sense in the end of the day. So you're not a nice person. No, I am a nice person. Just I'm I'm exhausted. My body is just exhausted. I can't anymore. Does that define who you are? No. But really You're not exhausted. You're not scared. You see people >> or the real color shows there, >> right? >> Not when they're hungry. >> The real color shows when you're hungry. That means that's okay. You're allowed to feel angry at people, but I still see you. Can I tell you something? We have a thought. You you ma you exist. I'm just feeling angry at you. H nice. So I ignore her. I just jump on the phone. I ignore her. Right? And that's something which people cannot take. Soyational system, you're safe and you belong. I personally believe it BPD does not exist. Sorry, apologize. A BPD person, a normal person, you safe and you belong. An ADHD person is shuffling. You're safe. You belong. In a BPD person, the is you belong. You safe mind. You belong belong minded how that relationship circles that relationship and you feel belonging in them. Why do people want to feel a sense of belongings belonging to the Democratic party? They want to belong somewhere. They want to belong. They want to belong to a club. They want to belong somewhere. There is a relationship going on here. Just I want to feel part of it. I want to feel I belong. I feel I'm stuck. I don't feel safe. actually the mic record the bonus >> right that when the spouse feels because they don't know what's going on the practical one is ADHD but you're safe is not her top priority she doesn't know what safety looks like for him. So he's pulling himself in. He's not feeling safe emotionally. He's not feeling because he's pulling away from me. So I'm going to chase him. I'm angry. So angry dance. Somebody has to interrupt it >> because there is so much more that I want to cover and yet that's number one and number two days or something and see when we can make that happen. Yeah, I love it. I love it. I love exposure. >> Okay. And I love talking. >> So, you see, I saw you. I made you feel safe. Um, so yeah. Anyway guys, thank you so much for listening. Really appreciate it. I'm going to put all of SKA's information in the description, his WhatsApp, my YouTube channel, um, wherever we can follow and get to get in touch with him. And I really appreciate your time. This was epic. And I apologize for taking you on a roller coaster. >> That was fun. >> The goal from the V. For those who comment get a chance to win $50 quick pay every week when you message me producer Maki. And this week is the last episode we had was >> Felman. >> We have 76 comments. Let's choose the first winner. Pesky 97.