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probably the hardest question
you know
is is knowing
kapeshmaya you know upstairs and
shamayim what's going on over there
right so we could only we could only
talk from our side of things so as a
general rule in life i like to say
that the balance between histabas and
emuna and
is a pedal to the metal approach and
then you ease off meaning you do
everything you need to do in business
right you do everything you need to do
and then now it's up to
right so when it comes to shidduchim
there are those who say
we shame certain people that there's no
moon i'm sorry there's only a muna
there's no gestadas everything is only
you know you leave it up to hashem and
i've heard that i've also heard other
people say that no that's absolutely you
know false that you have to do the same
way you do establish in every other area
of your life a person has to do
establish in in shidduchim the same way
you do it in everything else so i'm
going to go with that approach for right
now because i'm not in kenyafsky and i
believe that a person needs to put
themselves in a position to do whatever
it is that you could do but once you do
that you ease off and now you trust i
did everything that i need to do
that being said
i i don't think that people need to run
themselves ragged to the point
where every shabbos they're running to
singles this and and they're you know
like they feel like they're pulled apart
i don't think that people should be
fretting oh my gosh i missed my ziva
because i didn't whatever but i do think
that people need to be real with
themselves and if there's a havamina
that there's something that a person can
be doing that maybe they're not doing
then maybe they need to explore what it
is that they need to do i've sat with
many people in their high 20s in their
30s in their 40s and in their 50s who
they felt you know what like
maybe there's a reason why i haven't yet
found my zivak that is in my realm and i
always say i'm ruvin epstein i'm i'm not
the ibrisher i can't answer for what's
going on upstairs into my but let's talk
about you here today and see if there's
anything that needs to be done slightly
different you know i had a couple once
that was in their upper 40s that was
dating
and simply because of their age they
were put together and simply because of
their age they were moving forward with
the wedding and in my opinion this was
not a good idea
but people were pushing back and saying
what do you mean but they're ready this
and this age this this has to happen
they have to do the work that makes them
roy to be a husband and right to be like
you have to be fit for the job like
every other job you need the
qualifications you need to be
emotionally balanced you have to be
ready like we said four hours ago ready
to give to somebody else and you have to
be ready to be a player in this game
called life you need to be emotionally
regulated and all the other things that
go into this
just because of a certain age doesn't
mean that a person's gotten there for
good and for bad so you can have a
couple that's 50 and they're not there
and you can have a person who's 19 who
is there and vice versa
so my answer is that a person should do
everything they can within their realm
of let's call it histamis but if they
feel that there's something more that
they could be doing so then it's a good
question that they should ask either
their parents or their rov or somebody
for guidance to find out like do you
think i should attend the shabbaton it's
halfway across the state should i drive
there for the shabbos even though i went
to six other ones in the last six weeks
is this part of my histadas or should i
just you know no that's a good question
but a person generally pedal to the
metal and ease off that is generally the
assay that will get a person through it
and easing off means that you you
recognize that hashem does run the world
and that you're doing your part and
ultimately the shadow amir sham for you
is waiting for you just around the
corner that's how a person should view
this this in my in my opinion
you
