How learning Siches changed my life - 60 years of Rashi Siches , R' Elimalach Moskel, 5785

It's a bit overwhelming for me to be on this side of the table. I feel like I should be over there, but um this is what it is. I It's It's overwhelming because we're coming to to be Mab the Reb the um I uh I was told to tell over my story as to how it affected my life. Um but before I just want to say um I didn't obviously start off in Labavage and um I was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio. It's not so much a lab place and yeah in the meantime and um so but any place that I went um and I I'll mention it through the story. I just wanted to say backtoma that there's no negativity once whatsoever and adaba I have a lot of accar to these places. So I just wanted to say that in advance not to imply anything negative. So I think it's appropriate to actually go back to myas. My uh my zeta was from bin Isaac Allevi. He was born in Romania in Bayamari which is near Satamari. And the way that it was that back in those days the the best of of of the family members would go to yeshiva. My grandfather was not the oldest. He was I think he was fourth and he had a cup. He he had uh he was able to learn. So his family sent him to yeshiva. They went to Satner and he learned better. came the Holocaust and uh unfortunately he after he had survived he came to America came to Cleveland but he didn't keep up his life that he had from before but he held on to the traditional ways so Ma my father um he grew up it was in Cleveland it was in Tels and he would visit Telss once in a while he was not necessar necessarily from but he had a bar mitzvah. He he um laned he very traditional they'd have chan chabas but you know that was go to shaw but um but little by little he my father came back was uh when I was a child and again stayed in Cleveland so and I'm bringing this up because the miso was sort of lost We didn't have like growing up I didn't have much of a miser but in the house it was a very house my my father would way before I knew about kabadat he'd bring over people he met in in schul or in in the work place he'd bring people over for shabas for meals and this is what we grew up with and very much into and and bam So this is the this is a house that I grew up in. But I must say that again growing up in Cleveland was the last on my list. Like I didn't there was no sha like I just and really the opposite. I I felt like it was fringe. It was weird. It was extreme. like I just there was no havina. So I went through grade school. I went through the Hebrew Academy which is Harav Dler who started this in Cleveland and and then I went to Ner which ner is from Slabadka and of course very much into Muser and very much into Tyra but I didn't necessarily connect I did okay there and again very mock I come on time to things, you know, it's you'd get koshed, you know, for a couple minutes late. They're very mock about things like this and it it was a tremendous foundation for me. But I didn't connect to Yiddish. I was doing it really just because, you know, it was just the way that people were doing it around me. I didn't feel necessarily connected. I went to Israel for three years. I learned in Yeshiva base Israel in Vayakov also like a very Latushia place um and did very well there but again something was lacking and I I want to bring up a a specific example when when I'd be learning during seder there was no time for like there's nothing it was only gamarra that's it was nigla that's there even muser it was just a few minutes so for me I connected to kish I connected to kish and rashi and going through it mish and I would have to do a seder and this is and I was very much into notes and I would take my notes and I would go to the alter bakim over there I' I'd say what's Yakov he's marrying two sisters or you know you know ABCs you know going through the like what's going on oh see the Ramban you know I just like they kind of like brushed me off with these um and so I just and I just I kept it I kept it open I tried to come up with my own mahalim And but generally it was it was kept open and I went to the my again the same thing just huge but there was no like for it at least the way I felt I I wanted to see more I wanted to see deeper so to go Ver I got married came back to Cleveland and just in in in the in the undert. So you see it a lot. I saw a lot of friends like this. You leave Yeshiva and uh you start to go away from your yeshiva days. Like the yeshiva day is it's like the pinnacle. It's the climax. It's the top. And then after that it's like you got to hold on for dear life. And that's what I was doing. I was just trying to you know I was eatim fine but again just kind of holding on and luckily there's Alexander Reba in our Israel he has a brother who moved to Cleveland and he started like a stable and it was amazing for me I was able to find some varma a something to connect to, but I still was very like stuck in my ways. Like there were there were times that the over there would say, "No, learn." I said, "I'll I'll do that when I'm 40. You know, I got to be ready. I I got to finish, you know, like I got to go through everything before I start." So, if I bring him by the reb he'll never start, you know. It's like that's how it is. But this is this is what I was taught and I was like it's too much for me. So I just kept going. I just kept doing my thing. I would watch how they would be and it was mushba on me just from being around it. But not for me. The Reba, the Alexander Reba from Cleveland, one of his daughters married Labavich. Yeah. Yeah. married a labure and he um actually even before that there was there was a there was a there was aid there that for fun this was right around COVID time maybe a little bit before um gave me a book to read on the Reba and I was just I you know everyone was bored at home and you know keeping busy and he gives me this book. I I heard I I don't really know the politics, but I I heard that this is a book that's frowned upon. And he gives me the book and he says, "You'll you'll you'll enjoy this like in a in a funny way." And I said, "Okay, I I'll look at it. I I'll read it." Momish, I started reading it and I was floored. I I couldn't there was not enough time in the day. I was just reading reading reading. I couldn't put it down and I like stunned. I was like, "Yeah." And um so I I had to read another one. I read another book, another one on the Reba, another biography, another I probably like five five in a row. I couldn't stop. And a lot of it's repetition, but I just had to keep and but I had cautious like I grew up in a in a world that wasn't so excited about the Reb to say the least. And I, you know, you're fed a lot of these questions and these tiny and uh so I spoke to the son-in-law from from Alexander Rammy and uh he said he knows and uh he he saw that I was anst about it. I didn't want to I wasn't coming at Labavich. I wanted to know what's with this, what's with that, what's with this, you know. So we sat down, we learned, we we looked at the Rambam, you know, we started like really getting into to the till finally he said, "I think it's time to learn the sus." And I said, "Okay, whatever." He bought me a set. It's the maroon set. I don't know what it's called. A five. It's a five or six volume. It's like an oyster. I don't know. Yeah. And I remember I was I was even out of town at the time. I wanted to keep the kusa the first time. It was minus mamish. And we we sat down and we learned over the phone. Ever since then, I can't put it down. I don't put this like on the way here. I brought I brought the same set with me. I'm going over it a few times already now by now. But the seas they they changed my life. It was a total game change. I I all the notes that I was mentioning before they were all coming to life. the cautious that I asked the Rebel on it a big at the end to change your life and is not just uh it's luminosis when I was thinking about what I was going to say tonight I I remembered and it's uncomfortable to be saying these things in in the foress. But no, I was Arab Shabas. I would learn the sikus and I would get emotional. I was like, "Here we go again. He's asking my he's and he's he's making a whole Malik on it." I I just I could I I was like I was ex I I knew what he was going to ask. I knew he was going to answer and I was just like this is this is just it's beyond So I had to I had to make a change. It was it was it was posh. I finally I felt at home. I felt at home with the rabbi. It wasn't the it wasn't the fabangans. It wasn't I'm sorry. It wasn't the wasn't the necessarily again but I'm saying I I didn't it wasn't it was nothing. It was only it was the Reb and the Sikhas and the Reba through the Rashi the all you know for me it's it's all one my children they they started lighting Arab Shabas I have six girls can I know and they light Arab shabas and this is all it's from the sikas I didn't know them in hogim I just saw this is that the saying this is what we got to too. I didn't have the the the fortune to to learn in Crown Heights, but I learned I learned the sikas and this is how I was able to to make change. And even more there's um this is about a five-year process I give. And I think it's important at this point just to be maker to my wife and to my children. It's not easy to to make a change like this so drastic in the middle of I don't know we were married 10 years and for her to be Mabo and to make the change. We're we're both very non like uh dramatic people. We're very mellow. We're very calm and we did it very slow. One thing at a time. One thing at a time. One thing at a time. Now she's in a Tanya Shir. And uh it's there's uh you know of course we start nari we took on we took all all the main things on already by now but it's uh it's a it's a total life changer. But I I was thinking and this hit me already a few years ago after like the you know after I came off the cloud for a second. Now what you learn the you start learning the now what now you have to do you have to be a of the a real and that's the true a like to to make the change was easy compared to being a real isra there's no nothing in between it's not just it's not just it's not just it's everything it's how could we have g and you have to have both they're both important I used to feel that the gof was nothing to to put it down but it's it's the opposite you have to use the gof the way that you use the nami you have they have to work together the gashm is with and and all all the steers they're not steers anymore. So this is is to to take to take the to take what we learn. We see I mean last week's para as the Reb brings all the time you know the kayak of uh of the following week is from the shabas from before so we could still talk parl it's the rabb and the we learned the mimer also bios it's it's all about it's all about what what was what was what was the issue with the moragum they were sadikim they were in to see him what's shot they wanted to stay in the midbar they had They had the be they had the they had they could just sit and learn they could do just very easy go through life like this but it's the opposite it's it's to work the p the gashmas together with the and that's so this is so this is uh this is where I'm holding uh if you invite me back in a few years. We'll see. I can let you know. But uh yeah, but um so this is the Indian is that um to to learn the as as it did for me, it changed my life. and to bring it down as a dear. And may we go to bring of them here.