How Can You Get Your Spouse to Change a Destructive Behavior? - Rabbi Refael Ribacoff

what do you do or say to get your spouse to change a destructive behavior are we scared by the word change get the phone call from the lady or rabbi what should I do I tell my husband a million times don't put your socks by the edge of the bed put it into the hamper it's so hard to understand I'll make I'll do the laundry for you don't worry but don't why do I have to do that so what does Einstein saying the sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result you told them a million times by telling him a million and one times you think it's gonna click he's gonna get it he won't he's got a screw loose except that that should be the worst of your problems and just pick it up on the side of the bed that's the end of it when it comes to change being encouraging is rabbi mihrab explained saying it in the right way that's all nice and beautiful but if the person doesn't want to change they'll never change no matter how much you can tell them over and over again no matter how sweetly try to say it how you try to motivate them if they're not in the mood and not already at the change whether it's dealing with any type of addiction whether they're into smoking drugs god forbid alcohol pornography whatever it is unless they're willing to change it's not gonna happen and the first step as it is in Trueba you have to admit that you have a problem and unless you're willing to say that you have a problem you'll never look at it as being a problem and therefore you never start to change to try to correct yourself to become a better person your wife loves you your spouse loves you they want the best for you but if you don't understand that that by smoking you're gonna die one day because of that I'm not gonna die he's gonna die I'm gonna leave I'm gonna be those people that gonna outlive everybody else okay that might happen I don't know but the statistics don't look to you in your favor if you don't admit it one time I had to go through my life to an AAA meeting alcohol's I'm honest meaning okay very interesting and not noting what I expected at all a comb-over they're very organized very professional people get up there and say I've been an alcoholic for five years for ten years for 20 years they tell you the whole story but the first thing they say is that I am or I was and alcoholic by admitting that they have a problem you go through the 12-step program and you get yourself off of it and to start a whole new life and for these people you get up there they say they saw that there's life there's trees there's birds there's a whole world out there without being stuck in this addiction because once you're in it it just overwhelms you it takes over your life and it destroys everything around you so if you don't admit that you have a problem and willing to change because of that you're not getting anywhere so no matter how much you're gonna try to change the person has to want to change [Applause] [Music] [Applause]