Holy Matrimony Can You Just Be Married to the Torah (Rabbi Aaron Fine) (Jewish Understanding)

thank you for inviting me commissioners three people will go to uh [Music] Robert good morning little red bike so it was probably yesterday [Music] but we learned from this we learned to make your husband the how old was Gothel when he got married because you're making the calculation he was a uh eight point at home now you know when I got mad at 21 was too young 8.31 how do you make the very simple conversation when he gave birth to him you know he gave the problem with 1.3 so you already got Yakima Texas Missouri everybody and then we all know he spent another 14 years in kylo building buried [Music] military service and then we know we have to work through Russell the mirrors so high mathematics gets him to be 84 by the time he gets married 84 years old [Music] the cafe that stuff about it can you put your marriage the words [Music] it's not uh this is like pure lumber so it's the way to end the week so basically it's like this it says here in the um [Music] is take evidence Primacy of all the Elementals probably got one side that way [Music] but these are the common reminds me always take the president over a mystery deep how about them fluid you understand what exactly do I believe the whole Market what do you want to do the questions questions [Music] all right he's dead that only you can do that you must stop learning what does it means all that you can do I mean well you can only use right all right [Music] and you know what don't close it tomorrow so it's like it's just a second how many tickets [Music] he hasn't he he had the um [Music] right you can't you can't be learning tomorrow say um foreign [Music] foreign [Music] microphone well do it for the national tumbles over make sure you go back to learning of course [Music] what should I do it are these are questions we want to deal with again what does it mean time what's this emphasis second of all um the second leadership not that weight instead of actually in the midst of things most of the time and third of all what he said that the Olympics movement make sure you go backwards go we have a round bomb here [Music] and he says you should know that a man is commanded to procreate very early but not the woman and one of the mixed up for the man 2017 or 18 to hear something that's good 20 are you not married not a good thing like that but he's going to be tired of a tired bomb but if you are delving into the tire off and you are busying yourself is Torah and you're free to marry a woman are you afraid of a woman that's confused when you get married to go to work they support their work so if you get to get married you would actually have to support your life and you would have to not party right here then you can't procrastin then you could push off because we know they're a famous law anyone who's doing mids for a doesn't got to get involved in Mitsubishi the culture came a time with her something Thomas they're what I'm saying you better get married but 18 you better be married in September 20. but if you're into achieve and you're learning and you're really learning well and you're taking it seriously and you know that if you get married you're that's it you're gonna have to shut the camera more or less you know get to learn maybe I mean that's it it's not gonna you're not gonna be able to really delve into the Torah and you're gonna have to because you have to go work then it's permissible to push off marriage right and why because he says because you know when you do in the same it's amazing you're learning Torah so if you're learning Taurus in the midst of eight you're not gonna do meant to be and then he says and if your mom is at static and your mom is you cannot close the gemara your your Pine for Terror you have a great desire to entire like when as I you don't come get my ever you're never gonna get married but that's only he makes he quantity qualifies it that's only if you yay Sahara is not getting the best of you uh beloved and forget about it if you're if you're not able to totally concentrate in the gamara and not have uh thoughts about marriage you know thoughts about women then forget about it then it's not for you then you better get married because then you're just not gaining anything out of it okay so what I'm saying here bottom line is can you stay in your Shiva and not learn and and not to get married can you they receive and not get married yes indefinitely in principle yes in principle yes right I don't obviously none of us here but now they're not even close to that but definitely this is this is why we don't tell anyone 18 years old I gotta leave Yeshiva you got to go out and get married Yeshiva it's not right for you not to get married because because United and if you get married you won't be able to continue in Yeshiva that's what that's around oh okay uh but we have a problem here we have a blatant theorem IA can you send someone else to do previous review you better not you cannot send someone else to do you cannot send someone else to do peer review for you you've got to do it you got to do it yourself right so so wait a minute we have a rule we have a rule that the rhombus has black and white green yellow that tomatora will you have to stop learning if they admits that only you could do to the mission that only you could do you have to stop learning like like uh Esther again little love and matzo so y over 7 over here this is what I'm gonna say no problem even though it's the midst of chefs he says you don't gotta you don't gotta you don't gotta close the camera why not the rule is that's it you have to do the middle so what are the differences any matter and having children but the truth is around himself answers this question we answer the question he said that's right it comes out that there are some Mitzvahs that you just do the mitzvah and there isn't any gray area or a sense of of a lot of Preparatory a preparatory or a facilitation of the Mitzvah and there's a certain it's called pirivia that actually needs a lot a lot a lot of Quasi Mitzvah aspect to it it's a imperial varivia besides the actual mits of the period of Rivia you're gonna have to end up supporting UI so if you take the midst of peer review and dissect it it's like there's that main Mitzvah there is the main Mitzvah and there's a gray area what's a gray area you have to go to work you have to spend time with your wife you gotta take out the restaurant you gotta talk to her right are those good things yeah those are definitely good things there's no question about them but they are heck submits or they are they supplement the Mitzvah they facilitate the Mitzvah they are not actually the midst of itself right so what is wrong with Kiddush that since pure barivia has a gray area to it there's the actual Mitzvah and then there'll be many many hours of the day that will you would have to use to facilitate them but it won't be the Mitzvah itself I.E going to work and taking care of your family which is not directly the midst of peer review this is around mama says even those EF shalas here even though the premium is the only mental that you could do yourself but this River has a collateral we'll say collateral damage or has collateral has a collateral side effect that is not directly amidstv there we say thank you keep you kill our entire you don't have to uh do this Imperial yes love you gotta stop you gotta Stop close the garage because how long it takes a little 10 minutes 15 minutes we gotta go pick up the world so there it's a Mitzvah and tire we say directly through the Mitzvah and go back go back to the learning but pyramid it's a whole it's a whole different uh kettle of fish it's not just the Mitzvah there's the whole entire background to it that will take many many hours of the day then we say even if so he says there Terror takes precedence right that is what drama says oh so according to this now we understand now we understand what drama means if it's a mitzvah if it's a Mitzvah the EF salad instead of me here the IM lab means that you can't you have to do on yourself and go back to your learning so he has to we asked the question what if I'm gonna think what if I want to tell you that you should know when you're going to entire uh and you have a you have a case of a little you have to shake a little well shake a little then go back to the Tyrant of course go back to the third one but kiddish what does he want to tell you why don't you go back learning he wants to tell you that the only time a Mitzvah takes presence over time will tell you this you could go back to the learning that's what he means he's actually referencing Jordan River like peer review what's gonna happen you're learning the tomorrow uh and then you get married you ain't going back there ain't no going back because you're gonna have to go to work and you got to spend a lot of time taking care of your family so over the by Pierre River you don't have the yasu tamudai you're going to stop the learning and you're basically never have to go back at least not on the same level so that's why the ramam puts the emphasis those type of Mitzvahs that give you the ability to go back right away to continue learning then we say that that mitzvah uh I don't think president of Thomas okay good so okay okay so we're getting a little bit here but the problem it's still a problem why because Robin says by preview review what did he say says why is it that by peer review Shiva no problem Dana Shiva continue learning he says because you're gonna have to sit and get a job and then he says and certainly by tomato we're gonna say oh you said he says you don't got to go leave your Shield to get married because it's going to take away a lot of your time of the day to go to work and therefore we say oh you think about the mitzvah right okay what's the dinner item is about the medicine we've all learned this if you do them it's a you don't gotta stop doing Mrs B what does that mean if you're sitting if you're sitting uh we're learning about the camera right you do you're saying machine or you're watching someone's lost article you're not gonna get stuck right that's all you stick the Mitzvah put them into a you don't got to do Mitzvah B okay oh but seemingly the rambam is just not making is this something's not making sense over here clearly by Thomas we don't think I think with the puppy but Thomas we say if you're learning and you have to take a look we say stop to learn and we say shake the Lord so we don't say about Tyler material I used to commits a positive so what's going on in the rambam how does rambam say oh a lot of things even not get married because ice cream is is going to be a whole type of gray area of having to go to work they won't be directly you won't directly be doing them into the whole entire time the midst of pyramid we won't be doing directly the whole entire time okay that's for killing but how does the rambam invoke and start talking about oh my tire will you say oh he's gonna win them it's uh and then when you consider staining Shiva we don't say Isis bacteria by something that you have to I have to do on your own oh so you understand this word as they go further so let's get to the bottom line why don't we say Iceman why don't we say it by Thomas shine a mask the lawyers if you're learning you're learning you got to stop close the garage in order to shake a little of that so why don't why don't we say oh why didn't I sit and learn and that's it you know I'm not going to eat I'm not gonna lie to Menorah I'm not gonna do it I'm learning they left the law by like that's the law if you're sitting in Suzuka you're not gonna go get stuck up right that's the law so what's going on over here oh dude about this question I wonder what shade him say they're trying to say that theme is what they say is there is no concept of icing with the potential by Tom Mater why not why not um is the greatest Prince of all let's explain because the tomorrow says and your vomits that there's a special stipulation that was uh included in the midst of tomato that's called lomide almanas lattice what does means tonight right conditional based on the possible this Tyrus tells us based on the product you should learn and do that the top you have to learn you have to learn and the condition that you're going to do right the the uh the study of tower is not type of um sterile uh academic you know Ivy Tower type of thing that we don't actually Implement no the study of turret is in order that we should Implement what we learned and it is so crucial that you're learning for that purpose that we say the gamara says anyone who says I'm going to learn Torah and I'm not going to do the Mitzvah is he doesn't even get the scar of Torah because included in tamatera is little my almanas lassos and since that since that is what third is all about so the recite them say you can't say ice cream it's a part of Mitzvah you can't say I'm running Tire I'm in the middle of a rush but no I'm not going to shake the little no I'm not gonna eat my stuff no I think Mr Pottery because since the conditional in in the midst of learning curries that you will do it aluminum that's lastly so you can't say I'm going to tell you I'm not gonna do Mitzvah if you do that then your tire is not worth anything either because part of the makeups of a essential component of your learning is my answer right so therefore if it's a Mythic someone else could do fine but if it's admits of that only you could do we don't say Iceman right five so seemingly the rambam would disagree with it because when the rambam talks about why a lot of things Shiva he says stainless Shiva don't get married you'll have to go out to work and it's gonna you're gonna you're not gonna be able to learn so whatever I'm gonna say and because foreign so what's going on here is China are they argue on this training it's hard to believe because Robin does say that the lawyers when you're learning tamutaya the rattle does say you have to stop learning and shake a little the Rama obviously does hold so you don't say anything about the midst of by Tyra because you stop learning it's like a little but over here by Perry Rivia he does say anything with the pattern mitzvah so what's going on oh but the answer is very simple the answer is very simple and it's all predicated what we said before it's not that by Terror there is no ice that limits the possible it's not that it doesn't it it's not that we don't say it at all what they're trying to mean is that it has no bearing it's not it's not applicable let me put what's the concept of ice what does that mean you're doing with the a so I'm gonna go do mitsubi because that's an insult you're doing its way me you do Midway don't do it you're watching right we learn about the comment you're watching uh someone's uh you're doing a shops Aveda you watching or you you're watching someone's Arctic lost article we say oh you don't gotta go do stalker now someone's knocking the door I'm sorry I'm taking care of this now why because you do me to a I don't gotta do Mitzi B because it's an insult by Toro if you're learning Tyra I'm gonna say oh gotta take the love is it gonna be called an insult to tell you if I go ahead and shake the loaf no why because we just said a crucial element an essential element of Taurus we said that uh in part of the law of the learning player are that you have to learn on the condition to do right not to learn and not to do to learn and to yes to so when you're learning the gemara and then all of a sudden you're gonna go shake a little Marathon insulted it's not like oh what are you leaving me for that's not nice no I have when I go and do the Louisville it's not leaving you when I go ahead and take the loop it's not cold I left the tire in actuality when I shake the lower it's called I'm learning Torah and shaking the little why because every time I learn I have to be amanas lastly so it's not like I'm leaving the tire when I shake the Love on the contrary I'm doing the Torah I'm learning Tire when I'm taking the load because part of learning Torah is to what's conditional that you do it so cover like this it's not that is there's no I think with the part of a midsom bike tire there isn't but it's not because like some special desire to cause some some special um rule I don't know no my turn it's just not applicable it's moot why because when you do tire off and then shake the lower that is cold you are still still considered doing tired so Rama holds that too but here's the big question by Pierre verivia what's gonna be you're gonna get married very nice beautiful but then whatever some number whatever the number is hour two hour whatever it is and then 10 hours of the day you're sort of working and you're it's the whole gray area quasi gray area you're not really doing the midst of directly peer review you're supporting it you're supplementing it but you're not really doing them but it's a teeny bit of it it is working as a mitzman talking to your wife is a Mitzvah but it's not the Mitzvah it's secondary this is we can't say when you close the camera you're closing tomorrow and then yes you do the the actor Perry River and then the rest of the day you're working and you're taking care of the kids and you're talking to the wife since there's only a quasi-mitzvah we can't say that quasi-mitzvah is an embodiment is a manifestation of learning too when we used to have a learning tomorrow and then you go ahead to love when you're shaking the love you know what you should see in your mind you're shaking gamar too that's what you see you're shaking that love and it's like you're learning also because this is every all learning has to bring has to be get a Mitzvah so when you do it it's not learning too but that's only a direct mixer but the second you close the gemara and you get married and 10 hours a day working and you do all that you're taking the kids to school and making sandwiches and whatever's going on over there that's all quasimited there we don't see the learning we can't that can't embody the gemara when you're making the sandwiches we don't see a learning them over there no no no then we can't see that it's not prove it yes it's facilitated but it's not it's not the same thing but but it's something yes it's something but then we say oh you think about them in the Mitzvah this is in that case you're doing a which is time of Tire you're learning oh you want to do B preview but the so much collateral is all the secretary stuff in the secondary stuff again it's a quasi Mitzvah there we don't see that you're learning tomorrow at that point we don't see the manifestation of learning so there we say hey I'm learning guitar now that's what I'm doing I'm in Yeshiva I'm having a great time meaning I mean yes even having a great time I should stop and do prayer trivia I can't because yeah the actual active period of the Mitzvah but everything else is not really a Mitzvah and there I don't see the Torah in that in the Quasi and the hexer in the Preparatory and the supplementary stage there's no theorem when it comes to shaking the love the realm says we don't that we don't say is it it's deeper you when you're close to the gamara you're still learning the gemara when you shake the love you're still standing but it has no it has no concept it has no application over here when it comes to Pure virivium it's subtle why because it comes to previa close the gamara yeah but you you'll do the actual Act of the pure Rivia but then there's quasi because it's not again making the sandwiches and taking things again by and going to work is quasi Mitzvah that's why you have to come on to say there is a little bit of a mid there is a little bit of a mystery even the sandwiches and even taking the kids to school and taking their wife to the restaurant you know there's also teammates in there too but there we do say icing with the buttermilism there we do say that no time of Tire are you doing tamaterra if you're gonna have to do sandwiches which is a lower level of Mitzvah then we say we don't see the tire learning in those secondary areas oh so that's what drama said oh if yes when you have a Mitzvah you have to stop but yeah but only if you can actually only if you can go right away back to learning but by pure varivia where you won't be able to go back to your learning at least not on the same level obviously and not the same it's the same breadth like we have in North America with the same with the same burning desire and the same deep amkus and how we delve that you won't have that you won't have so therefore you could put off the marriage and that's really the answer to the original question we asked the question the random starts off talmud Tire connected coulomb and talmuda Meister because take presents over everything and then a minute later he says not that way he says stop you stop you stop you do a Mitzvah you shake the Lord you do the matzah and we asked why is he being lymphatic uh but the answer is that the second lady's gonna say something contradictory seemingly he's trying to bring up his point that when you are learning Toyota and you stop to shake a little it's still considered your learning Tyra that's what that's why he wants to say the point Tom and maybe the uh it means even when you're stopping to learn and you're shaking a little of and eating the matzah it's still considered that Tom was taking presents because when you're shaking that low of you're not just taking that look you are actually also considered learning Terror because a because part of learning Tories little mode almanas Las Vegas the bottom line is you guys it's okay if you're 18 or 19 I'm married yet we're sitting here open the rambam as long as the Detroit mascara love you're allowed to say and learn your whole entire life which obviously don't suggest that because no one's on that level even Jacob got married finally at 84 right got married at 84. so but definitely we don't have to have even a tinge of guilt if we're learning well if we're learning well let me come to theater and we do have effort we do our best we don't have to have a lot of push off marriage until we are ripe and uh ready okay everybody said niggan foreign [Music] but eventually eventually my most known people it's not healthy for them to stay in your shoes their whole life is very unhealthy and none of us none of us are and therefore and definitely you say mascara love and it has more it's not only that you want a certain type of fulfillment you need to have in life and family give you that and most normal people will not have by jump on entire out so obviously you could push off a couple years okay so now you're going out to work that's it you got no choice you got to go out because that's what you mean that's what needs to be done because you felt them that you needed to get married okay so in this league Pasha Jacob actually went out to work he was 77 years old you know most people were retiring then but he's going out to work and actually there's only one place in the whole entire rambam the yakos referred to Yakov asadic and where is that in the end of Hillcrest Heroes but there um talks about honesty and work and he says they got all the reasons to not be honest because he was dealing with the Wiley loving but he he kept his uh he kept his um his principles and that's why the ram called him Yakov that he would not deviate even Iota from honesty even though he was dealing with a dishonest person that's a little bit of riddle where does it say usually know because that has to do with him being um moral not falling to uh uh potifier right but actually the one place that ramble says and there he's referring to the fact that he was honest in his dealings in business so there's a letter here from a a guy who had to obviously leave Yeshiva and he had to go to work and he felt a little bit guilty about this so so I'm going to paraphrase it and the Republic starts writing that you know I really enjoyed your letter why did he enjoy your letter drumstick new name of that he says you have good Pros you're running a pretty appreciated language and he appreciate people who knew how to write and he definitely appreciated people know how to talk so he said first of all I like your letter why it's the double side I'm reading letter I'm leading uh dollar because it was written well I like your style and the second of all he says I like your letter because you're willing to open up to me he says all the the twists and the unsureties and the unclarities this Clarity that you have and you're willing to and you're willing to reveal them to me that is also something that and nowadays it's very hard for people to open up to anyone you know they go to therapists they don't go to rabbis anymore but reporting was like I really appreciate your your riding style and I appreciate you opening up to me and revealing the the coils The Kinks the knots in your in the summer and I want to tell you something about all these difficulties that you have all these uh convulsions or twist that you have and I'm I see that you're having a wrong Outlook at light at life because in your letter I see that you feel you're living a double life why a double life because this guy obviously had to have a secular career that's what I bring there a secular career he had to go out to work and it's like a guy obviously went to you know his day to learn it matters whatever he would learn a couple hours a day obviously and the guy felt that he was living a double life he felt like he was like a double agent half the time he's working for God and half times working for the devil you know he felt like he had this double lock he had this double life half the time yes she even half the time he's working he wasn't able to synthesize it well he felt that he was um multiple personalities so says withner I don't like this way your expression of double life he says it's true let's say someone who lives in a city and he has a room in a house he has his own personal house and for whatever reason he has a room in a hotel that's called a double life because he lives sometimes in a hotel and he lives sometimes in a in in his house but let's say someone has a house with two rooms so you're gonna say he's a double life because once once sometimes in this room and sometimes in this room they'll say oh my gosh your personality one time you go to this room one time you go to this room no it's not called a double life he has called a broad life it's just you and broadened you got a bigger house right yeah if you go if half the time you're in a hotel for whatever reason it's half time you're in this another house that's called double life or double you know you're living two different places you have a house with two rooms that's called a broad life right and he said I remember that I once went to Charlotte saidek and and Dr valach if you know anything about Charizard there was a big big Sonic named Dr valak he opened up and he it was it was it was important to have a from a hospital and cameras not so it's not it's not as religious has a shy telling and this is a famous it's a major doctor but it's a major Sadiq and it was and it was important to him that the Creator should have a should have a good hospital and he said that I thought that where valak was about to give a uh operation and he said to the person that he's about to operate on uh by the way what's your mother's name before I operate I always like to say to hillim before I operate and I want to take the Hillary and I want your mother's name right and we're reporting said when he saw this he was he was so impressed or so um taken aback and said I told this to one of the siddique and the South Dakota Islam says how jealous we have to be how envious we have to be because this person this for valak is able to use clich means he's a he's talking about the it means he's he's making a reference to the knife to use to cut uh when you take it to an operation but but it's called it a clicharis he's calling it a holy vessel like fight your mind meaning he said so tell me do you think ravalik had a double life you know when he walked into the hospital he put on his uh his snazzy suit then you know usually a lot of doctors are pretty uh uppity and uh presumptuous and hori did he had a double life and when he went home he put on his xiaomi Garfield and Primal and no you think about it was able to synthesize there's no Double Life by him it was a broad life whatever he was even though he was a doctor and he was uh practicing medicine but it didn't have any type of contradiction to his religious aspects right and therefore my friend he talking to this Crest falling fellow who never had to go out to work and then from my friend my loved one it's it's profane God forbid heaven for friend film to see yourself in like a double mirror with a double type of life it's a double agent no you and you've been come back to eckhard when he says he married he supposed to elongated right and we say if you elongate the echard you have a reason you'll have a long life and therefore I'm the country all of your life all the aspects of your life you're working you're learning all the aspects of your life have to be like it's just a long Eclipse it's a long echard every aspect of your life is just one long uh unit uh unit just unitive it's one and not two it's very sad that you have missed this most crucial point about life he said you can have a lot a lot of dots in front of you and that's called a lot of dots because he does have a lot a lot of uh uh points right but let's say you take all those dots and you arrange them around the center what do you have it's called a circle right you have a circle right so it's and it's called one Circle he says that's what he's saying you have this in your life that in your life that in your life that in your life that in your life but if you arrange it around a center that's not called dot dot dot just a bunch of uh multifarious just a bunch of dots no it's called you have a unit you have a circle right that's it and that's what the point is my friend you have to have the center and then once you have a center everything that's surrounded is not called circles one unit all around the airport and the contrary anything that you add into your life whether it's a job or whatever it is you can add into life on the conscious Circle just gets bigger but it's all one unit and he says again I'm extremely distraught that you don't understand this until now right and he says be strong and have fortitude and pimately and uh uh and you should use everything to do as a chariot for quite shamayam and that's the letter that's what I wanted to share with you today uh so it's like the flip side of what we said the first part was State achiever but if you got to go out don't worry about it don't get too depressed it's still it's still considered it's still considered your Echo I don't care about yourself stop here