Hilchos Shmiras Halashon Lessons From Gemara - Rabbi Yakov Zev Smith

[clears throat] Stand [clears throat] back. >> [clears throat] >> Welcome everyone to today's lesson from sponsoring the call email.com. Someone asked me he was learning a Gmorra says heard from and he said Rav must have been asleep when he said this which not a very complimentary thing to say when he was asleep. Why is that? How do you taste a thing? Then we heard a different question was learning with his son and they came to the something that's worse than death and that's a a wife and as his father like who and his response was your mother my wife she's the one she's the mother which is of course a plea in his government why Isn't about his own wife to his own son and why did record this for eternity every time we learn we see this plead exchange so the emphasis the more you learn the more to learn the we encounter sometimes garas that seem to be a question of lashar as we'll see and I started collecting these gimmar and believe it or not this like hopefully all the we try to have one that gives us clarity here I think we'll We magnum this cloud this that I think will give us clarity to this these gar and many more really you need a little before we get to the [clears throat] you know the gumar tells us Yeshua was fighting a war with I at losing and it seemed to be a massacre and Yeshua fell on his face and he cried out to Basham help me this not supposed to happen. So the banish said Israel. It's not a secret. You know why you're losing? Because he didn't. Now Yeshua and all his innocence, he said, "I don't know who did a what am I supposed to do? Tell me who did it and I'll eliminate him and we could win." So responded. you think about make it will fall on the right person that did the you'll eliminate him and then you'll you'll be victorious. So the obvious question is we're talking about there's says tells us in the terrible that he did he deserved to be be killed. He definitely was in Russia and Yeshua was trying to save [clears throat] and he said I can't tell you and the question is obvious if it's so it's definitely a good reason to to what kind of what kind of response is this? [clears throat] We see that even when there's not only allowed to to say if it could be avoided if it could be if you could accomplish the same thing from a different angle just instead of talking making a go although it came out who was the bal so it wasn't you're hiding his identity everybody knew but if you could say if you could avoid saying it it's assa to say it and this is probably rule number one in today's even when there's a when there's a mitzvah if it could be avoided or minimized for example the is no good you don't have to say all the gory they'll say I don't advise it I know you I know the other person it's not for you so clown number one is but says something incredible in the end of the he has a of and he says it's not just a a good mid it's a every year to live like this. Why? Since that's the and of so we have to follow the ways of hem and live with this fire burning now in that's an important cloud to understand when there is a it has to be done only as a last resort and perhaps this would shed light on a different gamorra that seems to be a plea and I once spoke about lashar and yeshiva whatever and I spoke to you what has to be spoken You know, there's no there's no there's zero tolerance. Someone asked me afterwards, "But what about the I know what he's talking about, but I played dumb." I said, "What do you mean? What is that?" You know, people thinking yes, you're allowed to any other Yeshiv except your own and your own. You're just allowed to talk about it because you know better. So there's some type of of a [clears throat] I said yes. No. Oh, you're right. I've got to talk about it. Let me tell you about it. The garra says in shabas [clears throat] that was learning with his colleague Yehuda and he said the following based on the pik says by the who was not named it was it was not there's no name mentioned so said I identified I know who the was it was because it says in the later it says It was [clears throat] there were colleagues first term basis first name basis you're in trouble cuz if it's indeed so the did not disclose identity why did you and if it's not you're really in trouble so I asked Rabbaka was very yeshivish. He had the biggest in history. 24,000. Rabbaka was a sadic and his specialy was midas. He had good midas. Ra was learning with and yet felt if you don't have to say it now again he was learning but he felt it was unnecessary that's the is intolerable [clears throat] but then maybe another reference to yeshiv That's the there's a tal in yeshiva who once said lash and expelled him. Why? because you had lash and explains because in that yeshiva for 22 years there [clears throat] wasn't lash imagar imagine that this yeshiva it was zero tolerance to that's the attitude you have to have and like believe it or not he says if someone has a talmid and he can't they can't stop him from talking negatively to send them away because it's it's like it's like a a cancer that grows you know you have a a a greenhouse you could grow vegetables without concerns of insects but once one insect gets in it's all over and that's to keep the yeshiva a home a family lash free zero tolerance there has to be a cons a focus. We can't let things go by. So this is where we're starting the background of the it's and basically now we'll we'll start. So to bring out I will ask a simple question and we'll try to dissect the question. Let's say you have a person otherwise from and he's doing something wrong. Unfortunately, too many stories, but you could have used your imagination. He he did something do something wrong and he doesn't seem to be admitting he did something wrong. Is it mut for rashiva mashia? Whatever it is to speak publicly and say listen, you know, he he doesn't seem to be concerned about it, but this is a violation of our and we can go on and say what he has to say. So the but however as we will see this is what in developed a theme that developed called which we did not call it such we'll soon see why but of all people developed a that if you're saying something for you're not doing it to damage someone else but you're doing it to save others from damage that's not awesome. Now it's interesting you know we think that this probably is tell us put it all together which proves the point that we often mention was not he was and if it means if the emmesist that say he's the first to write it where did get this mitzvah to write to say so he quotes [clears throat] In other words, he's being attacked either by bandits or by by an wild animal or he's drowning to save him. This is the to save someone's life and all the mitzvah the is one of the mitzvah but the but the points a a thera thera expands this of a little more if you see someone drowning if someone's about to lose money and you could do something to save that loss of money that loss of money you to do what you can to save another ye from potential financial loss in says this is to bend them a loss of life or money as does the if you see someone's going to lose money or any other type of loss you have to get involved and stop that potential loss and if we add the sounds like it's a concern of blood of life but we know and understood it very literally means to save someone's life and save someone's money and therefore when he's about to hire a worker or go into a shiddok or take a tenant which will be a disaster because the person is not a good person that person have has problems emotionally ill or physically ill or whatever it is. But if you see something that's about to be take place that's going to be detrimental to the innocent victim you have to speak up even if you're not asked and say I heard you're thinking of taking this tenant don't do it I don't want to get into the details but I what I'm talking about stay away the same thing if you could get away with just saying I know the other party it's not for you that's I there's no there's no potential loss of life includes M says well and he points to the definition of is but if you're doing it to save your friend from loss that's okay says it's doing it for a constructive purpose not destructive that's not the is Now the issue is it's it's noteworthy the is in the I'm sorry doesn't say in the that's the word what's the very next word because anytime we have a question should we speak or not we're walking a tightroppe it might be the of it might be the to talk. So what does a person do? He learns like everything else and he knows what to do. Sometimes a mitzvah to talk, uses a mitzvah not to talk. But the point is what we call is really based on this but it's not really accurate. It's a misnomer cuz if you have to talk, it's not it's a when you have a situation of giving information which you know has to be conveyed and before you do it don't feel guilty I'm doing feel proud and maybe say and say what you have to say of course try to minimize that's but the of is it's not but there's no other word to call it. So now we have the [clears throat] then adds and this is in a different place in important I wish people know this more more than they do. If you see someone has a bad mida and he's he's friendly with your son or your talmid or your neighbor whatever it is but there's a relationship that's not healthy whether he's not doesn't have good midas whether he has a some terrible ashk or terrible latas whatever it is but you see a a friendship that is going to be disastrous for the innocent victim even if you're not asked get involved and do what you what you have to do of course with because otherwise you're guilty for that person's downfall because a friendship does a lot of evil very often and says it's might be to exaggerate in the of the other person. Now it doesn't mean you're not a liar. He's not a lie. But if the only way to break this friendship is if you have to accentuate and amplify and and you know really bring it out how bad this person is. If that's the only way to do it, you have to do it. So does say if you're telling that to your son or your tal you have to make sure before you do this you have to explain him that we always talk about lash free zone and we always talk about as a terrible thing this is not lash although I'm saying bad about him but this is what's called otherwise you're confusing him you talk about it how unacceptable it is and you yourself talk So lama this is one perfect example unfortunately it's common in yeshiva there there are certain friendships that are very damaging a person has to know there's a victim and there's a and [clears throat] that's the someone told me a story I could not verify so I'm not going to make say the names but a god that came from Germany asked another god says how come by you yiddish kite is flourishing doing very well and by us the ascola reeks havoc. You know what's the difference? The other said, you know why we're so successful? Cuz we talk lash. Now, he didn't mean we talk lash, but the message I think is very, very vital because in our countries, in our cities, when someone does something wrong, we don't let it go by. We have zero tolerance. We speak about it. We show that we're not going to accept that because if you let things go, you let him do it. Tomorrow, we do it. Not so bad. He's also Hish. He's also Hish by your country. You're too ad. You're too nice. It's not right. It's whatever. All these things. It justifies allowing things to happen. When things go on, it goes from bad to worse. Of course, he didn't mean we talk, but we talk. When someone does something wrong, there's an outcry that that sends the message the rest of the people. see it's not going to go on. But the point has to be as we see that this is not lush and har letting things go by just perpetuates the problem. When something goes wrong, when we see something wrong, we have to either speak up or at least try to stop the issue, but just let it go because you're good and I'm good. Mind your own business. That's the ruination of Yiddish. Now this is there is an incredible source I think for the you ever wonder the following question there's one of the and hold it is to remember the Miriam what did Miriam do she spoke lot of isn't ironic. Every day we remember lash and har by speaking about who spoke lash and har. Isn't that a little counter counterproductive? We say every single day to remember the isn't that a question the terror is that this is part of because a person would think is bad you know but you know it's not so terrible and but to show this zero tolerance even and it's noteworthy in the right in the beginning He he combined the lion of the cri the and he puts together the following description of Miriam's quote of lushhara Miriamus the spoke about a brother that she loved him she brought him up she was saved him from the from the water when he was thrown in as a as a as a child she didn't speak elash that that that she compared to other she didn't speak in front of anybody but her and and she was punished even though didn't care. It didn't bother him. So in a certain sense is the biggest it wasn't that the said remember it's showing how the is even at is like Miriam who lash was invisible but there's no tolerance for lashar and that's probably the most effective way of conveying the message we don't allow it ever even a miriam So this is why it's important to mention this point you know if by other religions whoever's the hero is perfect of course it's not true but you glorify the hero and that's the way you follow is very transparent there's no sweeping under the carpet there's no coverups there's no whitewashing the records it the because it I saw the al the bum didn't want to talk and identify which tree was part of the but but the clearly says that who did the ter says to know which tree it is makes no difference to know that the of the did and he's held accountable because there's no excuse that's and that's the way he explains in He says and he develops that was the greatest she remains the the the image the the must of zero tolerance even with all the like we just said from but if there's not a there's going to be accountability so in a certain sense is transparent it's if a person does something wrong it has to stem If it does, we have to point out what was wrong and more importantly what is right, what we have to do. A friend of mine learned panovich I think and he called me to say that he heard from he said the walls were shaking then was read in par she oppressed and also was wrong by letting us say something or do And the vers heard a cry hog cry and gave her son that is took the liberty had the pl to say that we suffer the Arabs because didn't say anything about it. So I saw a message of we speak up maybe Abra should have said something whatever the is but the accountability how transparent it is you know there's no there's no brushing under the carpet if there was an there's a price we pay that's the in understanding what is so as I told you says when you see a friendship or a hiring or anything in that matter that's detrimental. Not only but is actually a it's in a certain sense of is because sometimes people don't listen. So you have to accentuate it a little more to make it work. You know it's the beginning of in parishes says comes to the doctor says you shouldn't eat that and don't go there. It's not good for you. It's not going to work. You know it works. You say don't eat that or don't go there. Oh, now you're talking business. In the end of he says if a father hears something that's that's being done should make it disgusting in front of his children. And whoever does that because the we have to make the wrong things a and unfortunately live in a world a lot of wrong things going on the the excessive gashm the smoking the vaping all these new things that are capturing our youth the music that's that has a a whole new aur to it but parents and have to sometimes speak up you know it's like a vaccination a person takes a these these things are upon him a vaccination You take it and it saves you from all future makas. It's an investment. You talk, you do something now, it saves them later. Sometimes the right words of of of of of being intolerable and unacceptable is the vaccination that children need. Now we can move on to one more after the other. I think it's all the same. You have to make if there's no concern of then there's there's a and do it correctly. Gomorrah says I think it's another one of the says okay who was it talking about so this is briefly if you look in the in the end of and toys. We know by the story of ini three times blinds a person's thought process says when a person is like a drunk driver he doesn't say the word drive obviously but he's like he's drunk you tell him don't drive he laughs he thinks it's funny he does a his mind is so blocked and and so dysfunctional. He doesn't hear what you're saying. And here spoke about you know the message is if even was affected by [clears throat] so the message is more powerful when it's a bigger person. Now that's why there's no question of because here it has to be brought out. But again the there's another that I think is another one of the now in this context is not someone that flatters someone explains is is a faker he's a farce but and they people think oh he's doing the right thing he's a nice If you could see through this facade, they think, "Oh, he's a name. He's a machine. He's a mid. He doesn't. So why can't that's so bad?" So this is of that someone is projecting an image as a good person. He's he stands for from kite but he did something he did some doing something wrong and not apologetic that's breeding a sense of tolerance for the worst of and rashi is learning to speak up means not just you know mention the braza get up and and make I don't know what to do but is not to let things go on I'll read you a a a a statement and then I'll tell you who says it these These following families are the disgrace. So this family based GMA they didn't want to teach upon him this family of they didn't want to teach the hug they didn't want to teach how to and all these families I mean it's bad enough to say means the name who said this it's not a nasty pashkill it's a Mishna a Mishna and the big tries to explain why they did it. They had a good justification but if something represents a threat to the public we have to speak up. So because the message is dangerous the message we are from we do it. So consider this captain and right away we're talking about don't be like Shama captain who gets angry and says the famous story he tried to get Hill angry he couldn't but Sham he did but we wonder how couldar say this fork every child learns s don't be like shi you know [clears throat] what the answer might be the sequel of the story maybe is later in says that for three years and and but like if you tell me why do we pass And more so it seems that Shai was a big alarm than Hill because we passed like Shai. So why do we pass like like Hill and for the nation Rashi explains that they were on him and not only that hill had the good meters that when they they argued they let Shamay talk first and then we'll talk. Usually you like to you get your you get your your first but they were no they was they were good one to the other they were on him and they allowed Sham to talk first. Now you might wonder I understand he'll get an plus on conduct in his report card he's a very nice person what does it have to do with the issra is who getsra says [clears throat] do you know that in the first classic he touches Moha's greatness was like the and he writes and I quote if someone today has ofu he could reach the greatness of so you see that the the writes that there were two other which we mentioned by name who as great as the and also began writing a so why was the for that guys I the other ones were as good or better than him because the wasn't enough so where do you see don't be a captain like sh look at look at the Hill maybe Shu is bigger than Hill but Hill's he was to become so it's it's part of giving over to ourselves and our children our grandchildren the the importance of our novel look at the different Sham Hill look at different B and two of his contemporaries there's another Gmorra that's at first glance Now it's a and what was his crime? And what did he cause? The puts the blame on him. Of course points out it was but this allowed it to happen. How do you understand this? The golden the is he wasn't the bum on the anova like Rashi explains he should have killed the one that wanted to stop bring stop the bring of the carbon and he should have spoken up. Sometimes a person has to take a strong stance. You know they say what's a bal nephesh? nephesh is someone he's a bum on his nephesh sometimes the gets out of hand and we we have we're misguided has a whole perus he describes it a person has to have a balance when to be for when not to be he calls those are the words and one of the examples is he had a wonderful but he had to have a time now was ace not ace to be quiet he should have spoken up he should have made made more of a fuss so [clears throat] basically when there's a problem the answer has to be there's a we have to know what the was and that's why we can understand the It's called the people that he killed even though he didn't kill anybody he was killed but he was didn't want to tell us and that's why he was assassinated. See a person has to have a bum on his front probably this is the I mean this might be more left for his children don't live in in why don't live in that city because they're they have imagine you open someone what does it say in it don't live in that city says this is a realism otherwise they'll live there and they'll be affected is a very corrosive [clears throat] listen to a story tell me how what you have what you make of this w was sitting and the son of Rashimi walked by him and didn't stand up so he he was mbed and he went to tell is that father I'm sorry tell's father I I don't have your son I taught him so much he doesn't think enough of me. So this is a tell him you're going tell his father about his son. We would say in in our term you're snitching or telling the father you know in the yeshiva boy someone snitches boy because they quote but he went to his father and snitched on him but the answer is obviously it's he felt this is he felt his this this was lacking in their now of course I want to mention writes whenever you have to try to get things changed first go to the perpetrator himself self don't go to the father his reb the ro first go to the person and confront me listen I happen to notice you did something wrong I want it for your benefit and talk in a nice way if he refused to listen to you and it has to be taken care of then you go to higher authority but I'm sure that that had why didn't go straight to but this is a simple you see is is is neglecting a mid of not a time to be quiet time to speak up. So this is a perfect example of but when you see it a little more dramatically and maybe a little more of a I quote in was sitting and told to his that look that is bothering me he's ching me. So the Rebi looked at at at at who know what's going on here and he was quiet. He said I won't do it again. Okay. So the continues that he really he really he wasn't he didn't want to heed wasn't the wrong one. But again to see here told his raised him because there was a certain sense of protection. It's not snitching. It's not moer. It's getting to the to the to the because sometimes a person has to hear things a little stronger. I once said in the Mishna the Zim and said if we would be in the it wouldn't happen that we give once in seven years 70 years if we would be there it would never happen. the why she this which is very typical of who was the the shea person you see in the in in the he was the worker for three years he and he was maybe this maybe that so it sounds like they're saying a very no noble approach however was not impressed not impressed he said That's your approach. You're you're going to end up making murderers in Israel. Now, a very not a very not, you know, um pleasant thing to tell Rabba. You're being from Israel. But the terrorist is obvious. If he felt approach would take away the deterrent of people do what they want, they'll get away with it. them if you leave it as you know you you're looking for trouble and he felt that you have to speak up strongly says this if someone is pasating incorrectly and it doesn't help talking in a nice way you got to be more forceful because otherwise you leave the problem unresolved and the message is worse than that the message is it's not so important whatever you do is good and wrong or right as long as whatever it might be but that's something that we cannot tolerate there's a kaducian that interesting is that please the gigmor says that after was made a statement don't let them say they try to show how smart they are or how not smart you are they're coming to show that I'm nobody. I imagine [music] this would happen today. You know, died and another put up a sign. I'm not taking any of the B from that yeshiva because they're a bunch of chapikakes and they're out to get me. We look at it and rightfully so. What what's what kind of plea is that? But then again, what should I tell you? This happened the terret is the the let come in and they ruined the sh and they ruined his image. So this would be a now a little bit of the history if you look in the in the that was very much into pilp and were trained to appreciate pilp but a very difficult pilpuda was more you know covering up ground like we say it's the old of their and realized that would not settle from just learning they have to have you know shul and that wasn't his style. He says keep them out lisa they came in and they disrupted the the rhythm of the shir but laa that's why once he let them in rabbuda says I told you why don't you listen see sometimes when a god has to take a strong stance it has to it has to be understood has to be appreciated question this is so called Ari lion is coming from BV which means there's a superstar coming from his name and let's get ready for this [clears throat] no so they sat him on the first row in the in the t gave a shir gave a sh and this didn't say a word so he mentioned the end of the sh something happened It seems that this lion he spoke about he's a fox in other words there's nothing great about him and everybody asked the question what's the head of says he says nothing so people saw that wasn't that great so he goes with the that something that is well known and to to to make it more force. There's no lash. They they saw the fact it's interesting who we think was everything he was so make in certain instances like this one like you know if they saw he did it but could be and I saw right in cliff cut he also asked this and he says it's hard to understand himself in a different place in he I'm sorry the first that I said And this is himself says even though people know about it you can't talk about it. So he says that the ta was that it seems that Rafana was not using his he wasn't involved he wasn't listening he wasn't harving because the whole sh went by nothing to say and he quotes we'll soon see the the mccur of this but he quotes the the raam and the when the is not learning not involved in his learning you're allowed to give a muslim even because he's not doing to his potential and felt If he could sit through the whole sh and this did not say anything he's a not that he really was but he has to work hard and again started shooting questions and the end of the story is that is so obviously when when Mus is given in the right way it works and it makes a but I think this point has to be mentioned and again that when we talk about and yeshiva I have this all the time see a friend doing some terrible things. Can I go to the Rebi? Can I go to Rash and tell him you know he's into bad terrible things about slash and horror snitching and scared about you know this is of now of course sometimes parents have to they they see children other children or any situation that there's something wrong going on now is a because this is not snitching not it's not But but of course the person that is told this has to accept it. It's something beyond me. A rebi gives a child mus and the parent the child comes home and and the and the child is said but the rebi said this and he's all upset parent the rebi said that I'm I can't believe the rebi said that instead of siding with the rebi you you incite the child that he was he was wronged and you're undermining the of the listen to a gumar that speaks volumes. He said he wanted to make an emphasis many times was punished because of me. I used to snitch on him quote unquote in front of Rashi says when you give he doesn't resent it he loves you for it interesting you're talking about in front of he snitched Araba maybe raka's his descent his ascent to greatness don't forget he was he was 40 years a late bloomer he started learning later whatever the is but The maka's attitude is so important. You know, the most important thing in a person's life is when he starts to grow and change and and and add a little more a little more and that only happen when a person is is is sort of the of the of the because he's doing what you need most instead of just making you you're good, you're good, you're good. He said you could be better and it brings out the best of a person. And here you see He snitched cuz not snitching. It's the it's the will hopefully give us a little guidance into a that's where and in response said which I don't want to touch but like there's no he has no brains he's brainless how Someone say that and don't forget that ley was a tal of rebi and this is what he said. So the kavesur has a famous chuva. It's unbelievable to see. He collects gummoras where it seemed that they said this is the dev where people spoke very sharply to others. See we're talking about he talking about but in this truth bay he point he asked this question and he says he says this wasn't because rebi felt that lady has much more potential and he wasn't using it. He was just sitting and and and and a question that came out wasn't fully thought, wasn't processed and that's an if you ask a question a question that doesn't that's that we call a dumb question once you do it again but the Rebi responds that doesn't pass you. much better than that. And he says, I believe, so this says the says this, I believe that this the quotes in in that if a tal is being misal is learning, you're allowed to criticize him. You're allowed to be m him because if he doesn't respond nicely, you got to really bring out what's wrong. So here you see a gar that looks like it's and really it's the to bring out the best of a is necessary. Now, of course, they today's them are softer. They need a different approach as has been said. But the point is to turn a blind eye is not doing anything for anybody. This to give over the impression I mean it for your good and it's only for your good that should bring that should should bring more from to the course we understand is the same idea to bring out the best of them. And then I understood what could be another writes when when a person feels that if he talks gently it won't be listened to he has to have a stronger response. The same idea and if if it's not working you have to use a little harsher approach. I once had talked to a baka and he he was a bak that mish would would talk to his talk down and mish take tear him apart couldn't be I says you know when you learn you have to have a certain amount of meat I started telling the gamor in that I mentioned earlier about shami and hill he says but you used to get angry when you spoke that wasn't good I he says oh narish was the epitome of But I told him, listen, when you get to Baron, you you'll know what to do. But at this I told him besides what I told him and a very painful question. Why do we see that children are not as great as the father? him one is that because they call they call a person a donkey. What that mean? You walk the street, you're a donkey. Maybe a little bit when they get a little too excited, say the wrong thing, it's maybe but that's already it has to be when someone's as big as a baron he'll know what to do. Gra I want to tell you I once heard this from he told me he grew up in Barak. He was an American boy. He learned to he went to Terodas and then he went to bar and he said he came to bar and he wasn't used to it. I mean the the the fire bar was something he wasn't he wasn't exposed to. So he went to his and says you know I don't understand that bar is like such a stick fire. He goes and he said the following I'm going to dramatize a little bit but what he said basically was imagine someone comes um you have 10 fingers right? You don't need all 10 do you? Give me one of them. He has a big knife. He's about to you know make a what what would your response be maybe don't do that we say get out of here don't touch my finger don't get near it right was his life his blood his his everything and you said this you're playing with his life that was but for the rest of us we have a We have we have a gor about hill and we have they have to we have to explain what they meant. But until that when you get to that that high plateau we have to go with the pastures of the [clears throat] says and he ended up almost giving him to eat. And who was that? And this sound like as lash as can be you say don't do like him and he almost but the is that this is the ultimate people they they're very strict at home and it could bring out the worst in in whether it's a wife or children and has to show even a great person almost lost everything because of so it's all the same idea we have to try to understand that people are us are are hear things about God and somehow it works much more. What I found inspiring, which is really a a a frightening statement in that and yet we know when she her sister and she was punished terribly. I mean it you know it's not like it was the calls. So I think there's a he between the mice of Miriam. You look at the Miriam and it was there wasn't there wasn't a bad but but he points out one of his but is like a fire a person puts hand in fire he burns his hand I he fire burns it's a nature he says is a fire that burns and he connects the gmorra panina and Miriam from a different angle He says that as of it was a time of they were leaving and it was a time of of it was so much going on and like it was almost like an accident but there's no tolerance in so even though it it should be excusable not from so obviously panina and have something in common it was an with the kite but fire burns burns which of course is an incredible lesson and but more so whenever we learn the we wonder what's and we remember is a fire that burns the says in in that how good the Romans were said they're not good and a different Yehuda Benim and told what happened to his family. It got back to the government and that began the 13 years of of of gulus that we know the lived in a few places he didn't go to the government straight. He's told his family but that was a mistake. Don't tell something as you know as political as that to your family because people like to tell other people and spells this out really says it was punished terribly because even when there something doesn't seem to be a problem we have to think and think you know see what's we have to another example example and a few other places in Res said when How do you understand that? He said when he's asleep in the end of his he says this and I saw the say the exact same thing. A person when he's attached to a gof is limited. He can't go too high because he's saddled down by the gof. But when a person goes to sleep at night is his nish goes upward and it's pure nish. And they both say the same lim. A person in his sleep could be massive. What it takes him otherwise 70 years to be mass and that's when the heard says this is so full of it's so deep it's so ms it had to be that you said it when you were asleep. So from this we see he was showing the covenant of Rav the greatness of that. So next time we think oh I they said it I could say you know I also the of they said is and that's what gives a good don't tell him this cuz he might not know and then you're insulting him question they would ask him and what kind of question you ask someone after the did you get So now does he know says no he says again everything had to have said maybe people knew how bad his wife was so it's not but could be the is I think I once saw this kenzine the is past tense is now you see in a marriage in every relationship there's always mileus a wife can have many mileus but after a while we Humans get conditioned what what do I think about that's now she did something well now that's that's means even though it happened in past tense but I appreciate the are you a person look at the or you is right now the what about all the what you have that's given that's that's the worst attitude of marriage so is are you a matzah person you always happy with what you have or you might see your focus on the current but it gets a little more difficult like I told you that as father who he says and again he wasn't looking for looking for he said again maybe the riches of this rebbit that of of rebbitson of rahudam was so well known it wasn't lashen But again, you look at the you might see a very important insight because the Gmorra says how could you how could he say that his wife was Mar himself said that that he his wife was wonderful. Look at that wife and your mother was the one. So freak was she mas or she was a mcc of sim says both were true she was easy she was got angry quickly but she was easy to overcome and to so here he's saying the same it's up to you decide mother but you could transform that into a wonderful wonderful again he he stayed with her but the point is every that seems tricky is really not tricky. It's a lesson. I'll leave you two more gummoras which really need a little more but at least just think about the message in tinus they ended the mis of Shim they spent 13 years with his father in the cave and he was going on and he was very very happy because he learned to harve and we know the story he met a person was says it was alohi and he for some reason he let it out like wow how ugly you are and the whole story how got went from bad to worse They don't want to forgive him. But the Pelle is you know to say such a thing and and the person and was just to set up this whole story were teaching us what it means talking and thinking before you talk. We don't we don't say this on but in a moment of weakness he says something without thinking and look at the message for is supposed to pick up a person in this case it it out the worst of him and the last went to a place that they were very steeped in and again he came to a point that when they gave an aliyah instead of and he had to bring him back to his now is telling us this what's the if we ask that then we need to because the danger of involvement in is so powerful that it could take a ag and turn so obviously there are other gar but the is rule number one rule number two is when something is wrong, we can't tolerate it. And rule number three is we think before we talk. Abolataya is Messiah. Shame transmission today. This is sponsoring call 7188518651 email. Hey Father, Dang. was perfect but still must be a just first of all we saw that the rule number one is unacceptable nothing to talk about there is a situation of that it's but it's not the is intolerable there's the mitzvah at times of speaking up was you want to call that is but he was held accountable and yeshiva the potential of yeshiva 22 years without the same when it's a mitzvah it's not an when it's there's a when there's a to talk up when necessary now of Of course, if you could get away with just saying it's not the sh is not for you. Don't hire him without talking. That's when plays an important role. The constant the the zero tolerance is of take the attitude that we don't talk about other people. Sometimes that's wrong. Sometimes it's necessary to this of could be a that no but nobody's above the law. number one and number two even even a situation that it's mish pier some of it but this is the the rashi and par is the teaching us that sometimes a person doesn't respond unless you talk you know a little more sternly but that's what's necessary to to to to get the point across the came three times highlights what k could is to make sure that people don't don't learn from a person that really is is missing a lot of the mission is on people that were selfish captain because the Torah is tainted and you can't be the goddess of hil if if you don't have the of the destroy the amdash whatever that means but again has to be a besh a person is not snitching when he goes to the of the rebi the whatever it is he's not he's doing in a very important way was when someone snitched on him so to speak because they had a different and it would just disturb the because he wanted more from him it wasn't he was talking down to him he was talking up to him the concept of the what we saw that this is even though but is like fire and when fire burns even if we if a person has to the of it's basically giving us a attitude that you want to be happy look at the good don't look at the bad you're going is also the same way and we're left with two goras frightening gmorus but a person could fall if he's not on guard and the person has to maintain the kaduca messiah Hey, nice.