HIDDEN LINK: Truth-Teller, Empath, Scapegoat

Do we have our first caller on the line? >> Yes, we do. >> Okay. And she's ready. >> Yes. Welcome. Welcome. >> Our first caller is Karma. Okay. Hi. Hello. Your karma ran over my dogma. How are you doing? >> I'm very well. How are you doing, >> Hashem? Thank God. I'm doing very well. Thank you for being the first caller on our return to the Thursday night calling show. Have you ever listened to the Thursday night calling show before? >> Um, I don't know that I have. I have watched your YouTube video, your YouTube channel quite a bit, but I don't think I've done the call-in show. >> Okay, fantastic. All right. It's just a conversation. We just talk. That's basically what happens. So, tell me what's uh what's going on, what's on your mind. >> So, you did a an Instagram video a while back that I found very intriguing. Um where you said that some people feel that they simply don't belong anywhere in the world. Yes. and you said that um that that if you are one of those people it means that you have you were put on this earth with a very important mission and I was wondering if you could elaborate on what the connection is between the two. Um this is something I have struggled with for quite some time and so if you could um specify like what what what is going on there like what what causes this and also how do you deal with the loneliness that comes with with this also um I it's it's for me it's also connected to um this toxic shame issue because um I I I'm a survivor of um family scapegoating abuse and it's very common for for for survivors of family scapegoating abuse to have toxic shame which makes them feel like oh I'm so I'm so messed up I'll never belong anywhere and so is there a way to distinguish between if you're feeling like you don't belong anywhere is there a way to know whether it's because of of the abuse or because of the mission >> right okay it's a wonderful question so let me begin but you know I'm sure I'm not going to like just give you a uh you know a speech here I'm going to this is going to be a dialogue so first of all yeah you mentioned this video and the way that you uh recap the video. You said that if you feel like you don't really belong anywhere, that means you have a very special mission. I'm not sure I said that exactly. Um, let me I I don't know what I said. Maybe I did say that, but if I did say that, I didn't mean to say it. I I probably didn't say exactly those words. But what I probably said is something more like this. There are people who feel like they don't fit in anywhere. I probably if I remember correctly because usually I explain that I probably said that these are what I call sensitive souls which are people who struggle with embodiment. The soul is a spiritual entity. It is not natural for it to be contained in the physical plane and uh embodiment is a is is uncomfortable for the soul. Um, for whatever reason, most people seem to get distracted by the uh the bells and the whistles of physical embodiment, meaning the pleasures of the physical world, and they kind of forget the soul's homesickness. But then there are other people for whom they never become acclimated in the in their physical embodiment, and they're always sort of um feeling out of sorts. And I said that in order to become more comfortable in your embodiment, you need to embrace your mission. That's probably what I said. Not that if you feel uncomfortable in your body, that means you have a special mission. Because the truth is, every single soul that is embodied has a special mission. The thing is, a lot of people aren't existentially uncomfortable. They're okay being embodied souls. And so they they're not desperate to figure out how to be comfortable in their bodies because they already are. Sensitive souls are uncomfortable in their bodies. And I was giving advice. If a sensitive soul wants to feel comfortable in its body, the way to do so is to figure out why you're in a body. Meaning the purpose for which your soul had to come to this earth. So it's not about like a lot of people the way that they just get comfortable with physicality is by indulging in the in the pleasures of this physical world. A sensitive soul will never be bribed by any of that. It's just not doesn't it's not it's not enough distraction to offset the pain of embodiment. Sensitive souls need something much more meaningful. They need to feel that even if it's painful and uncomfortable, their embodiment has value, that there's something they're accomplishing through embodiment. So that's probably more like what I said. Um, so yes, everyone has a special mission. Sensitive souls really, really need to find their mission. A lot of people go through life never finding their mission because they don't look for it, unfortunately. uh sensitive souls pretty much get forced to find their mission because it's the only way that they'll ever find any type of comfort in their embodiment. Okay. Now, I haven't answered a bunch of the the questions that you brought up, but before I continue, I just want to check in with you. Does what I'm saying make sense? >> I think so. >> Okay. Now your your particular case you say that you have toxic shame which you've identified as being the result of uh scapegoating in your family and that's that's a topic which I've actually spoken about on Instagram and on YouTube about family scapegoats. Uh for those who are unfamiliar and God bless you if you're unfamiliar, you should never be familiar, but um those who are famili unfamiliar um basically in certain unhealthy types of families, not going to use the word narcissistic families because the word has lost all meaning, but in families where you have someone who's really unhealthy, usually a parent who's really unhealthy and needs to be perceived as perfect all of the time. So what they do is they offset or they offload all of their shame onto some uh well I used to think it was a randomly selected member of the family but then my theory on it evolved actually. Um so what happens is they pick this scapegoat who has to bear all the shame and the blame of the of the quote unquote perfect parent who's not allowed to ever show any type of human vulnerability. Um, and obviously that is traumatizing and obviously, okay, maybe not obviously. So, let me say this slowly and carefully. How does one become a sensitive soul? Well, I'm not really sure. Are you born that way? Does something happen to you? Again, I'm not really sure. Certainly we see that people who are traumatized whether it's trauma with a big T or it's CPTTSD complex uh PTSD where it's like death by a million paper cuts you know constant tiny little repeated traumas that what happens is they also have this feeling of being displaced not feeling like they belong anywhere. Um, to me the common denominator of all of it is is hyper self-awareness, which is really crippling, you know, crippling self-consciousness because to really function in this world, you have to be able to at least set aside the conscious ego and and be immersed in the experience of of life. Um but instead of being immersed in the experience of life, the the self-conscious person is uh ruminating on the on their own existence which basically means they're separate selfhood as a as an entity distinct and apart from from the one from the all. So a lot of people become that way because of trauma. Um but a lot of people are born that way. And then the question is well why are they born that way? And and my answer is and I've said this for quite some time that for some people embodiment itself is the trauma. Now some people are double winners where they were born sensitive. So embodiment itself is the trauma. And then on top of that on top of that they're they actually experience things that would be traumatizing to anyone even someone who's not a sensitive soul. So they're double winners. But the point is like this. This hyper self-awareness and this uncomfortability in your own skin that could happen because you were the victim of some trauma or it could happen just because embodiment itself is traumatizing for you because you're that sensitive. Okay. I just want to check back in with you. So far so good. So good. Does this make sense what I'm saying? >> Um yeah. Okay. So now your question was how much of your toxic shame is a result of the scapegoating that you experienced? And the answer is I don't know and I don't think anyone could ever know. But here's what I want to tell you. Remember I said about three minutes ago that I used to think the scapegoat was randomly selected and then my theory about it evolved. Remember I told you that? >> Oh yes indeed. I was very curious about that. >> Yeah. Okay. So tell me if this like resonates with your experience. I actually have a whole video about this on YouTube about the emperor's new clothes. There's a Hans Christian Anderson parable or a fable or whatever it's called about the it's a famous one. I'm not going to tell the details, but the emperor um gets conned. Oh, there's the call back con. The emperor gets conned by this um conman who sells him a bunch of air. It's not clothing. It's air. It's but he pretends it's a suit that's so fine that only special people can see it. So, the king is so vain, he doesn't want to admit that he can't see it. So the the tailor pantomimes this whole thing of carefully giving him the suit. Oh, try on the suit. Oh, you look so wonderful in the suit. Of course, there's nothing there. It's air. So, he's naked. And then the the tailor suggests that the emperor should parade through the streets showing off his new suit. Now, he's naked. He's stark naked. But the the kingdom, you know, the the the subjects of the kingdom, they all understand that you don't call out the king and say the king is naked. you play along like don't be stupid. What you want to be like they they say this they say the story about Stalin's two-hour standing ovation because everyone was afraid to stop clapping and then the one guy was the first one to stop clapping. They Stalin said take the guy out back and shoot him and then he told everyone never be the first one to stop clapping. Right? So, nobody wants to be the one to uh say that the king is naked because he doesn't want to be off with their head, you know. So, everyone's playing along with this charade and then there's this kid in this is the Hunts Christian Anderson uh fairy tale. There's a kid who um for whatever reason doesn't say why he's motivated to do this, but this I guess you know it's understood he's he's he's a child so he's innocent and he says look the king he's not wearing clothes and everyone that it just breaks the spell and everyone starts cracking up and the king is humiliated and um I think that's the end of the story but I tell you this fairy tale because um I believe that the scapegoat is not randomly selected. I believe that the scapegoat actually unknowingly volunteers for becoming the object of the wrath because the scapegoat actually was the one who called out the bluff. Didn't even know he or she was calling out the bluff. But here's the thing. There are certain people who I mean you want to use clinical terms, you want to call them autistic, go ahead. I'm not like you can use that term and in 20 years they'll have another term. But you want to say neurode divergent, whatever term floats floats your boat. But a kid who's wired different and is allergic to falsehood, a can't a kid who can't lie to save his life because he's just it's so repellent to him the idea of lying. In fact, not only can he not lie, he is sensitive, hyper sensitive to the lies that regular people tell each other all day long. How are you doing? Oh, I'm great. How are you? I'm great. Um, he can't stand that because he knows that people are just faking. And he he he'll actually say it. He'll say, "Why are people so fake? Why are they so shallow?" Um, he can't stand small talk. He can't stand social posturing. Um, this is the kid who doesn't realize that he just committed a capital offense that there's a father or a mother in the family who has to pretend and make everyone else pretend that he or she is perfect. And then this little kid who's differently wired, who can't like literally constitutionally is incapable of going along with lies, ends up calling out the lie. But didn't you say such and such? Well, everyone in the family knows that, you know, we're supposed to go along with the gaslighting. You're not supposed to like call out the narcissist because that's the number one rule. In fact, that's the only rule of the family. At any rate, my theory evolved when I realized that the scapegoat probably in most cases was this little kid who said, "The emperor is not wearing any clothes." didn't even realize that he had committed a capital offense. Because, see, here's the thing. In in the in the petty, vindictive world of this narcissistic parent, the only reason that you would tell the truth is to shame someone. In the world of this innocent, differently wired kid, you don't tell the truth to shame people. He's actually completely oblivious to the fact that it's causing shame. He in fact he feels the opposite that the lie is shameful, right? Um so he doesn't even realize that he them's fighting words, right? That he walked into the bar and he said, "I want to fight the biggest man here." He doesn't realize he said those words. He thinks he's just being real. Doesn't even think anything of it. So, my theory evolved that I realized, yeah, scapegoats are traumatized and trauma makes you self-aware and it makes you into a sensitive soul. But probably the very fact that the scapegoat was the scapegoat in the first place was probably because he or she was already a sensitive soul because he or she was an unwitting trutht teller and that's the first crime that he or she committed that caused the scapegoating cycle to begin. Do you follow this and does any of this resonate with your experience? Yeah, I'm following it and um yeah, to to some extent it does resonate. Um I I I I I think there's a lot of truth to what you're saying. Um but I I think it can be also um I think there's another component though that's sort of similar where um so Dr. Dr. Romney said in one of her videos that um oftentimes the the scapegoat is chosen because they're the most empathic in the family. And lots of times the um the abusive parent will target the most empathic child simply because um they they did or said something abusive to somebody in the family and then they looked at the most empathic child and they saw shock and pain in that kid's eyes and that was enough to like to set off the parent and they decided, oh, I need to target this person now so that nobody respects this person. So that's more in line with my experience. But yeah, also yeah, I get what you're saying, >> but those are not two separate things. >> We're saying the same exact thing, >> but I want to spell it out. The truth teller and the empath are one in the same profile. >> The the the truth teller and the empath are one in the same profile. It's the person who's so tuned into energy that she cannot pretend. She cannot play along and pretend that she didn't just witness an emotional murder. Everyone else is has the luxury of maybe they're a little bit uncomfortable, maybe they're a lot uncomfortable, but not uncomfortable enough to make it impossible to play the role, you know, do whatever it is that makes peace. So, the the empath and the truth teller really are the exact same profile. It's the hyper sensitive person who just can't play the game. not because they're refusing to play the game, they're just incapable of playing it. And of course, that's a dangerous uh that's a that's a loose cannon for from the perspective of the narcissist because this is a person who could disrupt the whole game, who who does disrupt the whole game, not even trying to disrupt it. It's not a power play that that the the the empathic, hyper sensitive, super honest kid is not intentionally trying to usurp the authority of the of this uh perfectionist uh parent. It it it's something that happens. I mean, maybe later on it becomes a power struggle and then it becomes conscious, but at first it really is just this sensitive child being like, "Nobody else sees this. Am I am I really the only one who's seeing this?" So, to me, those are not two separate things. The empathic child and the truthteller child are are the exact same child. Does Does that make sense to you? Yep. >> Someone's writing in the YouTube comments, "I couldn't lie for her and she considered me a threat. The lie is safer for them. I think the truth is safer." Completely opposite view of the world. Right? So, this is Rosie B99 is saying, "I don't know who she is, probably your mother. But you're saying that your mother, for her, the most comforting thing was the lie. For you, the most comforting thing was the truth." Now, you're going to put two people like that in a closed system where one of them is the adult and the other one is the child. I know which one is going to devour which one. You know, I know who's going to who's going to consume the other. Um, yeah. Okay. So getting back to your question, you know, um I don't know and I don't think anyone can ever know, but I would guess like this. You were probably born sensitive. You were probably born uh like I say, traumatized by embodiment itself, feeling things very deeply, uh very aware of of energy and of feelings and of truth. Um that made you dangerous. in ways that you didn't understand. You were then targeted for abuse in order to discredit you so that you wouldn't um you wouldn't undermine the power of the the narcissistic parent. And and there you go. I mean, does that sound like your story? >> Yep. >> Yeah. Okay. Anything else you want to Oh, about the mission. About the mission. Okay. So, here that's the main main point. So, here's the thing. Now, you're this super sensitive person who has this hyper self-awareness. What are you going to do? What are you going to do about that? Well, a lot of us, we self-medicate, you know, just numb ourselves so that we don't feel it and die of addiction. I don't want you to do that. I don't think you're suggesting that you want to do that. Um, but the only real way to get comfortable in your own skin is to use your body as much as possible in alignment with your mission that your soul was sent to the body for. The mission is not one big thing. The mission is a collection of everyday things. And it starts with just being aware of whatever the next right thing is right in front of you. So, whenever you're feeling bogged down with the self-awareness or you called it toxic shame, really the only antidote, the only way through it is to figure out how to do something that's useful to do to physically perform an act of goodness and kindness. Now, I just want to throw in here a caveat that if you've been the target of scapegoating, you may sometimes you develop um a people pleasing tendency because um you know that happens sometimes, not to all cases, but sometimes it's like you learn how to get people off your back by telling them what they want to hear. You know, first you can't lie, and then you figure out, okay, this is what they like. Okay. So, you're giving them the lie u even though it makes you cringe. But what happens is sometimes people go from scapegoats to becoming people pleasers or codependents. And then what happens is they do good but they do good as a distra as a distraction. It becomes the new drug becomes the new addiction. So what I want to try to encourage you, not just you, but like anyone who relates to this story is doing acts of goodness and kindness. Not because of the reaction that other people will give you, but to do acts of goodness and kindness because that is how you live as a person of integrity. Integrity means integration. Integration means alignment. When you are in a body for a purpose, but you're not living in alignment with that purpose, then there is a state of disease, disease, disease, which actually causes all types of disease, God forbid. Um, in order to become comfortable again, you need to be integrated. And that means to try to show up as much as possible in a way where you are useful to your maker in the situation that you've been placed in at this moment. Not because of the reaction of other people. The reaction of other people it can actually become very uh addictive. not for approval, not for people's uh validation, but because this is how you live as a person of integrity. Um, okay. Anyways, there's a lot more to be said about this. I really appreciate you bringing up this very deep concept and um sharing your personal experience. Um, >> yeah, >> thanks for taking my call. >> No, my pleasure. Thank you. Thanks for getting it uh started off. Okay, I think we have another caller on the line.