You Don’t Need to Be Perfect to Change Your Life - Rabbi Menachem Salasnik

Panic is spreading through the small city. People are rushing through the streets spreading the news. Did you hear? The enemy has besieged the walls led by this great king and nobody knows what to do. There's a wonderful king in charge of this small city and he doesn't have an army strong enough to fight back. Do they have enough food to last the siege? Can people escape? [music] Nobody knows what to do. And there's this old wise man, an unfortunate character. Nobody ever goes to him. Nobody ever goes and seeks out his advice. He trudges his way through the street. And eventually, [music] when there's nobody else to turn to, the king says, "Maybe that man has got something [music] to tell me." So he goes to the wise man, this unfortunate wise man. And the wise [music] man with his wisdom solves everything. Now that story is [music] a parable that the wisest of all men, King Solomon gives and our sages explain that this parable is actually description for ourselves. We are the small city and there is a great king, a powerful king that is besieged against us and that is our yates, our evil inclination, the drive to do something wrong and it looks to us as if there's no hope. We're definitely going to fall. There's no escape from the siege. But then eventually we turn to this unfortunate character. Unfortunate because people hardly ever go to him for advice. The yates to the the inclination, the drive to do good. And he in his wisdom solves the problem for us [music] and finds the solution. That is the story, the parable and the explanation. But there's a problem here. What what's the wisdom? What what is the solution? King Solomon doesn't tell us. He just says this wise man in his wisdom solves THE PROBLEM. BUT WHAT IS THE SOLUTION? Don't we want to know? This question was asked by the great [music] head of the mere yeshiva, Rabbi Schmouvitz. And he answers with something truly brilliant. He explains the wisdom is that it's not real. He doesn't need to give a [music] solution. It looks like a siege. It looks like there's this very strong enemy king, but you know what happens at the end of the day? At the end of the [music] day, the actors pack up, they wheel away the props, and suddenly you realize that none of [music] it was real. Look, I want to tell you something about myself. People [music] who know that I have been teaching about good and bad speech for the last 11, 12 years. People who know that [music] I've written a book about speech, they probably think, well, this comes [music] naturally to him. But if you knew me 15 or 20 years ago, you would have found out that actually I had a big problem in this area. [music] Look, I'm British. That means automatically [music] I love sarcasm. I love ironic humor. If any of you have ever seen grittish humor, it normally involves ripping somebody apart and then laughing at the pieces on the floor. I love that. And I love a [music] good gossip. I love lash and horror. From the depths of my being, it drives me. More than that, you know the best type of lash and horror that I love from lash and horror. Lash and horror within the religious community. Did you hear what that rabbi said about that rabbi? Did you hear what happened in that religious community last night? Oh wow, I [music] love that sort of lash and har. And it got to a stage where a good friend of mine turned [music] to me and said, "Manak, you need to learn the laws [music] of lashar." I said, "I don't want to." He said, "No, no, you you need to learn these laws." So I sat down with him and I learned them for two years. And after those two years where [music] I began to change a little bit, he then told me, you got to start teaching because when you teach, it forces you to change more. And at the beginning, I always would think to myself, how is it possible to change? [music] This is who I am. I am a ba lashhara. I am a lashhara speaker. It's too difficult. What do you want from me? This mitzvah of doing tshoua, of returning to the correct path, it's not baffling, nor is it far away. It's not up in the heavens that I need to say to somebody, who's going to go up there and get it from me? It's not ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SEA THAT I had to say, who's going to cross that sea and bring it back to me? No. Because the matter is close to you in [music] your mouth and in your heart to do it. This is the trick [music] of our evil inclination. He makes it seem like it's impossible. I've got to climb a mountain. I've got to cross the sea. You know what I thought to myself? How could I ever possibly be better at speech? I'm a normal human being. I have friends. I have family. I've [music] got work colleagues. The only possible way I can achieve this is to go and live in a cave. I'm not going to go and live in a cave. I'm normal. The Sahara says, you know, you got to go and live in a cave. But none of it's real. None of it's true. It's all acting. And the wise, unfortunate man who nobody ever goes to for advice says, "No, no, you don't understand. It's all a trick." that [music] great king. He says to you, the great powerful king of the evil inclination, he says to you, the only way you're ever going to be worth anything is when you're perfect. And you'll never be perfect. So what's the point [music] of trying? But the wise, unfortunate voice says, "Nuh-uh. You don't need to be perfect. Nobody's asking you to be perfect. The only thing that's being asked of you right now is to take that tiny step forward. Can you take one step forward? One step. You don't need to be the person who stops speaking badly about people completely. Can you [music] take one tiny step? One tiny short amount of time that you're not going to do it. One particular person you're not going to speak badly about. We need to know it's in your mouth and in your heart to do it. You can find it in your heart over [music] time. Small steps to start seeing the good in people, feeling that. And you can [music] have it inside your ability slowly. Small steps to start speaking nicely about people [music] and not speaking badly because that small step that's [music] always always in your reach. This week's episode has been graciously sponsored [music] as a merit for referring recovery for Barak Bendit Bened. Thank you so much for joining us. If you would like to share any ideas, ask any questions, perhaps we can visit them on a future episode, please put a comment down below or you can reach out to me personally at my email man@journey to betterspech.com. It's written down below. And of course, if you would like to um sponsor a future episode, send me a message and like, share, and subscri subscribe.