What Should an Absent Parent's Role be in Parenting? - Rabbi Benzion Klatzko

if the wife is home more than the husband what what should the husband's role be in parenting and we would start with none other than rabbi class Co this is actually a really it hits home this question because I do travel I travel a lot it's my job and a few times a year I'm away for two weeks at a shot and when I'm not on one of my two-week trips I'm usually away from you know Sunday night until Thursday night I travel that's what I do so what's my role in in in parenting and the answer is my role is everything and it's got to be I learned a lot of lessons for my own children my children Bar Hashem you know we can learn from our children also I have a child his name is you did yeah you did yeah is married and he lives in the Vale Cove he has four children and you did yeah is a big math Smith it's a big math Smith so he sits he gets up at 5:45 every morning and he comes back from Colo at 10 o'clock at night it's a big math Smith and right when he comes home he tells his wife every single night when I come home I will do the dishes sweep and make lunch for the kids for the next day and she knows those three things she doesn't have to do dishes and I just have to sweep up doesn't have to make lunch and what I learned from him is maybe he could say look I can't do it do you want me to be you want me to sit and learn a little God for so many hours bas Madera ba lots of us mother so you know I'm doing mind you take care of arms but no he he never looks what he does in place of parenting and in place of being a spouse so it's challenging if your job happens to be that you're away a lot so it's challenging so you have to rise to the challenge you have to push yourself extra and be there for your kids I've learned in life that there's always a reservoir of energy that we own that we could tap into if the circumstance demands it if you were to have a big business deal even if you were exhausted even if you were in bed we have a very nice fellow oh I don't want to say his name because he's mad but he's a big Sadiq and he gives us extra food from smoke so he goes to different weddings and he gives us extra food and we have you know 70 80 90 people for Shabbat each week so we have a big Shabbat and it's very expensive my wife makes 300 meals a week so it helps when there's an extra food so sometimes my wife and I we we went to sleep go to sleep ten o'clock eleven o'clock and 11:30 we get a call he just collected the food from a nice wedding there's sea bass and there's salmon and there's chicken and there's pepper steak should you be downstairs in just you know 15 20 minutes and and and but collect the pepper steak and the sea bass so what happens then what happens is we get downstairs we come downstairs we find that extra energy and we fill up our freezer with good food you know why because food cost money and that energy we find because it's worth it things that are worth it we find the energy for things that are worth it we find that energy and our children are worth it so when I come home from a trip and my wife knows this I can come home from a two-week trip I'm I'm a I'm a rag I'm so tired I just flew back from Eretz Israel and I didn't sleep for 48 hours because we had a big banquet the night before but I know that my kids need my undivided attention from the moment I walk out of the car so every trip I take a deep breath and there they are on the other side welcome home Kathy welcome and for two hours I just play with the kids and then they go to school I let them go to school late the day that I come come home from a trip and then I go to sleep I'm not telling you this to Pat myself on the back I'm telling you this to let you know that you have a reservoir of energy and you have to use it wisely and using it on the kids is the wisest way to use it so if you're the kind of parent who's not home a lot when you have those are / - that's the way your life is set up that's how it is that's partner sir when you come home you don't have the luxury of taking off your shoes and having quiet time because you worked hard you say I had a lot of time you go on the couch don't bother me no you don't have that luxury you setup your life that you shouldn't see your kids a lot so when you come home you don't have the luxury of me time yet there's no meantime you come home there's children time and you find that reservoir of energy and your children will have good memories and they'll know that yet Tati or arborea Magua wasn't there all the time they had to work but when they were there they were there and I'll tell you one last thing that's what I told I told this last year when we spoke by saying it again because I think it's such a good idea and that's why I like to shared on Friday night after the meal when most people are tired I go up and my kids come to the bed and we play for hours that's what we do so this Shabbat we had 75 guests I just ran from a sabaton 75 guests we made a nice say goodbye to my guess I ran here very busy Shabbat Friday night we ran a cow box minion but after the meal spent a few minutes with a guest I said goodbye and I sat up my kids made plays you dig into the reservoir of energy that I Shem gave you and use it wisely thank you that was an amazing answer you're the right guy to answer that you know well I was trained early on in marriage one of the best managed advice that I got is when I come home and I see something going on at home and I don't necessarily like it like my wife's parenting a certain way and if I have a different idea that is the worst time to me say why are you doing this this should be done the other way right in front the children it's very important not to contradict the spouse if you have any issues you can discuss it later maybe they have very good reasons for it the kid should not see the parents really contradicting each other you don't have to agree obviously we don't agree on everything but just discuss amongst yourselves and have a unified front for the kids very very important [Music] you [Applause]