The Secret of Real Friendships: Can We Forgive Ourselves and Our Loved Ones for Being Imperfect?

the yeshiva.net. [Music] I would like to once again welcome all of you to this special RAM appreciation day. Um there are no words we feel honored that we were able to um have this very very special guest Rabbi Jacobson to talk to us today. Um, we're talking about I don't think there's any need for any introduction, but we're talking about a I think a worldrenown speaker would be an understatement and hopefully um his words will will come across and and benefit all of you I'd say for years to come because that's usually the impression of his douches. So, Rabbi Jacobs A few days ago, Hanik was talking to me about the event and he said, "You know, I would really want that you should begin speaking 11:30 in the morning, but it's 45 minutes. Huh? We argued about it. I don't know. We argued about it. I just told you I can't." So, we weren't really I said, "I can't." He said, "Well, you have a sheer like a good Jew." He wanted to know what I'm doing in the morning, you know, is it breakfast? You know, is it yoga? Is it Pilates? Is it a gym? Am I going to therapy? Am I what? I told him, "I can't. I could leave my house 11:30." He said, "Okay, we'll change things around. You'll speak 12:15." So, I arranged taxi should be there 11:25. So, I should be able to leave 11:30 and start speaking 12:15. And then I see I got a message from him as I'm ready to leave and he says you could no rush when an organizer writes no rush. It's very very strange like what's happening. In fact the last time I remember that I had actually an event and the organizer also told me I said I'm sorry this traffic I'm going to be a few minutes late and the organizer told me no rush. That was so interesting because usually they're frantic, they're stressed, they're anxious. And when I came to that event, only one person showed up to the lecture. This is many years ago. One person. Now, the only thing that's worse than nobody showing up is one person showing up. You know, if nobody shows up, you could say, you know, Trump came. I mean, you could say everybody came, but if one person shows up is Torus. So, then I understood why he told me no rush. I'm wondering why is he telling me no rush? He says, we're running a few minutes late. Then I heard of course about what happened in Monroe that the bus wanted everybody should stay home today with their kids and you know spend time and have a beautiful beautiful day. So everything worked out just perfectly and I guess a speech 11:30 in the morning would have been more me speaking to myself which is a good thing but I do plenty of that and it's probably not what Rem wants. Anyway, the bottom line is, you know, sometimes we get stressed about things cuz it's not working out exactly the way it's supposed to work out, but it's really working out exactly the way it's supposed to work out. So, I'm very grateful to be here and thank you my dear friend Hanukkah for the privilege and the and the invitation to address such a uh significant community. I would say those who lead this amazing organization that really extends itself day in day out, day and night for thousands and thousands of young women and men, children and teens and young and old who suffer from all of the different types of disabilities and you're there for them creating reim which really means friendship. Now I was thinking I was just thinking about the name Ry. I also heard a very okay we'll get to that soon but I was just thinking about the word everybody knows means friends right it's probably one of the most famous you should love which means your friend and that includes every Jew who is a friend we speak about the we say Shalomos. Reyes means friendship. Rehea in means a friend. But it's interesting the word is made up of two letters or which is which also stands for a word which means ra which is our word for evil negativity. So like how did these two meanings come together? Like rehea is your friend and ra is also bad. Like it's the opposite of friendship. You want to disassociate from negativity. Even is friends but you also have means bad. It's exactly the same letters. So I was thinking about this and uh I don't know a thought popped into my head. Maybe I saw it somewhere, maybe I didn't. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not true, but I don't know. It touched me. So, I'm going to share it with you and I think it's relevant to your work. The word in we have inelis four times. Four times writes the words. What's so rashi says means a broken spirit. There's another meaning in rhea and that is brokenness. In Gomorra, we have an expression called a broken wall, a flimsy wall, a shaky wall, something that's not solid, it's fragmented, it's splintered, it's broken is called rus, break them, something that's broken. And then I realized, ah, that's exactly where the two words come together. Because in life everyone and everything is broken. Everybody has moments of loneliness. Send them my regards. Loneliness, separateness, talking about friendship, fragmentation. It's what I do with that. What do I do with that? Either my fragmentation and loneliness causes me to seek unity and friendship and that's or I turn my loneliness into a reality that substitutes friendship and that's the source of all negativity. The source of all negativity is when my brokenness instead of leading me to a deeper wholeness, to deeper relationships, to deeper connection, to deeper authenticity, my loneliness and brokenness takes me further into loneliness, further into solitariness, further into separation. So in this world, as the soul comes into the body, we feel separate. The soul on its own is a it's part of Hashem who's infinite. But as we come into a body, into an animal consciousness, we feel separateness. We don't feel that we're one of infinite, one with infinity. What do I do with that separateness? Ra evil in its source is the beginning of the feeling of separateness. And when I start feeling separate, instead of that separateness motivating me, inspiring me to seek out the wholeness that I'm searching for, I turn the separateness into a philosophy. And now my loneliness becomes a substitute for relationships. And when it becomes a substitute for relationships, this is when the person doesn't know who they are anymore. And instead of my being a miskel, a half a shekel that seeks the other half, I turn my half a shekele into a whole shekel. And now I need to create a life out of separateness, not of friendship, not of oneness. It's like in marriages, you know what's a successful marriage? What's a miserable marriage? Successful marriage is when a husband and a wife understand that everybody is vulnerable. And that's why we need each other. We need each other to heal. We need each other to help each other. We need each other to be able to lean into each other. And that's the beauty of a relationship. I can't ask the other person to do my work and to fill my void. My soul has to fill my void. But in my vulnerability, I could really connect to another person authentically. or I turn my loneliness and fragmentation and separation into a self-contained philosophy and I become more alone and more broken and more separate. One of the most powerful stories that I heard in my life was from my brother who experienced this and he shared this with me once. He used to give a class every single week for many years in Manhattan for secular Jews and he said many years ago a fellow showed up at one of his classes. It was I think a Wednesday evening and when the person walked into the room he could see that the person suffered from disability and he sat there every week. He came for 6 months and he never said a word or introduced himself. After six months, he finally mustered the courage. And after the class was finished, he came over to my brother and he introduced himself. And he right away saw that he had a speech impediment and his motor skills were compromised and he had various other physiological challenges. And the person shared with my brother that he was born with a rare neurological condition and disease that affected many parts of his develop development including his mo motor skills, his movement, his speech and other factors in his life and he shared his struggles. He also shared that his parents are Jewish. They live in Manhattan. They're very wealthy, extremely affluent, and they're very active in the community. They're social butterflies. They're involved in all types of organizations and activities. So, they're always going to dinners and events. You know, they're very part of a Jewish social scene, secular Jewish social scene in the city. And they realized, the doctor shared with his mother and his father after he was born. He was almost 30 years old at the time. he was like 29 or 30 that this kid has serious serious health challenges and it's going to change their entire life because it's going to be an incessant burden and they decided at that moment that they're giving him up. They're not taking him home. And they gave him up to a to a place that would take care of him. And he told my brother and I never saw my parents. I never met them. He's 30 years old. This is in Manhattan. They're not living in uh Antarctica. They're both living in Manhattan. He never saw them. But his father sends him a check every month and always supported him and helped him out that he has all his needs. My brother was shocked. Why would they never want to see you? They never wanted to create an emotional connection to be able to feel sad. So they never saw him and he never saw them since his birth. They never they gave him up and that was it. My brother thought this was the weirdest story he ever heard or one of the weirdest stories he ever heard. So he decided like a good Jew you mix into other people's business. It's called right? You also do that once in a while. So he decides he's going to call up the fellow. He gets the name. It wasn't hard. He looks up the name and he calls up the father of this person. And the father answers the phone. you know, it's a little bit of uh you know, it's not the most comfortable call. You know, what is he going to say? And he's like, "Hi, my name is Simon Jacobson. I give a class in Manhattan and I had the privilege of meeting your son a number of, you know, a little while ago and I want to tell you that he's an amazing young man and I really think and before he can finish a sentence, boom." And my brother thinks, "Oh, it just got disconnected. So he calls back which I admire him for that cuz I would have known it didn't get disconnected. Somebody disconnected but he calls back and the person tells him haven't you got the message? I do not want to talk to you. Boom. That was it. My brother said it was very sad because actually talking to this boy was inspiring because there was such a halo of light around him. Yes, he had many physical challenges but emotionally and spiritually there was a purity in him because he had all of these challenges. He really had to fight for his soul. You know life was not given to him. Blessings in life were not given to him on a golden platter. like whatever he had he owned and there was a beauty and a menite and a sensitivity and a purity and an innocence in him that he fought for. His soul was radiant as much as his body was limited and he didn't know what to do. So he waited some time and he decided to call the mother you know. So he calls the mother and the mother listens. And my brother says, "Let me tell you something there. If you might don't mind putting your phones on, vibrate, please. Thank you. I don't want to tell you on off cuz I don't know who's going to call you. Could be the president of America, but whatever. At least on vibrate." So what happens is he tells the mother, he says, "I want to tell you something. You know, I meet a lot of people. There are orphans who don't have parents. And whenever anybody says, "I want to share with you a story about your mother, your father. I knew your parents." They so eagerly swallow it up. They want any piece of information about the parents they didn't know. There are kids who are adopted and for the rest of their life, they search for their biological father and mother because everybody wants to know where they come from. you know da may from who comes to where do you come from I want to know who my father was who my mother is who my grandparents are it's like an inherent need of a person to know where I come from I wasn't just hatched from a chicken from an egg or from a chicken and here you have a child who's living in the same city like you he's 30 years old don't you think he deserves deserves to know who he comes from. He's not even asking to go home. He just wants to meet you like and don't you want to meet him? Like don't you want to see this beautiful person? The mother starts sobbing. And she says, "We are not about to rethink a decision we made 30 years ago. Thank you." Boom. He calls back. I give him credit. She says, "You have to take this up with my husband." Obviously, he was the one who made the decision. So, he waits some time and he calls up the husband and he gives him a good Jewish guilt trip. Like, what's the problem? You're going to meet him for a few minutes. What's going to happen? He's going to go back to his institution where he stays. He's going to go back to his work. He's not moving into your house. He could still go to your dinners. You're not becoming his therapist. You're not becoming his doctor. What's the issue? And the father finally says, "Let me think about it." Oh, he gets back to him. The father agreed. He gave him a Sunday as long as you come with him. It was almost like they're doing my brother a favor to meet their son. It's like weird, surreal, but okay, he went with it. I'll come. I guess he wanted some buffer zone. My brother picks up this boy and goes to the parents' home. They lived in a penthouse. They live in a penthouse near Central Park in Manhattan. He never knew there could be such a spacious apartment in Manhattan. Usually in Manhattan for a garage, you pay like $9 million, you know, just to rent it. It was amazing. He realized that they have kala for Shabas and a few extra dollars in the bank account, too. It was so impressive. to his beautiful view of the park and of Manhattan and the skyscrapers and he comes in with this boy and they sit down and it's the first time the parents saw their child but nobody made eye contact. They sat down. There was like chocolate and nuts on the table. They start talking about the weather, right? New York, you can always talk about the crazy weather. No global warming in our part of town. They start talking about Sunday. Sunday afternoon you talk about Sunday football. They talk about this and that and it's going nowhere. So after 10 minutes, my brother realized he really has to be the and intervene and he says, "Okay, it's beautiful. We could talk about the weather. It's interesting weather and politics is certainly interesting in America, certainly these days, but we know why we're here. I've met your son a while ago. I was blown away by his personality and his purity and his sincerity. And I thought it would be a beautiful thing for the parents to meet the child and for the child to meet the parents. And here you are. And my brother tells me, I kid you not, this boy who had a speech impediment at this point. He was 30 years old or 31 years old looks at his mother and he looks at his father for the first time in his life. I mean, he looked at them when he was 2, three days old, but the first time he remembered. He said he looked at them and he started to speak. It was obvious that these words were not coming out easy from his mouth. He had to really master them. But these were his words. He he couldn't say mommy and he couldn't say tati. So he said mama mama. He couldn't say ma. Couldn't say mma. So he said mama. And he couldn't say pap. So he said mama papa. Mama papa. As you know, I am not perfect. But mama and papa, so are you. You're also not perfect. Mama, papa, I have forgiven you for being imperfect. And I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me for being imperfect. is quiet. You could cut the electricity with a knife until the mother just burst out crying. You know, all of the latent dormant emotions of a motherfur bin came out. She went over to her son and hugged him for a few minutes. And even the father who was one tough cookie also melted and he went over and sucked his son. And at that point my my brother told me I felt like a shin after the you know a shanken is very good. Tell the no mission accomplished get out. And he said I think I should leave now. And he left the house. The family was reunited. Those penetrating words of this young man, of this young soul, really captured for me that meaning of the word reim friendship as an expression of brokenness. Father and mother, I'm not perfect, but you're also not perfect. I forgave you for being imperfect. Will you ever forgive me for being imperfect? And the truth is this kid nailed it. Because let's be honest, how many parents don't forgive their children for being imperfect? We don't say it. But deep down, you know, I wanted you to be that nakas machine. You know, you were supposed to be hatched, matched, and dispatched. Call me for vaknak. Call me for the upsh. Call me for the bitzvah. I'll even pay for half the bait. Yeah, that's a good one. Hatched, matched, dispatched, next conveyor belt, you know, yeshiva, whatever. Da da da. Call me before the ka. But doesn't always turn out that way. Spiritually, physically, socially, mentally. And it's sometimes hard even for loving parents. Of course, I love my children, but I love you as a perfect child. But that's not love. That's insecurity. It's fear. Friendship reim only comes from the awareness of brokenness. Who's not broken? Who's not vulnerable? The only people who are perfect are the people who know how imperfect they are. There was a Jewish singer who once said, "When I was young, I worship perfection. Today, I search for anything that has a crack inside because it's the cracks that allow the light to come in. It's the imperfection that allows the light to come in. Just a few moments ago, I was smoozing with uh Rabbi Cro with Rabbi Hen, our dear CEO of Ram, and he shared with me an amazing kidic teaching that comes from the deel machim, who was a grandson of the BMP. And with today's technology, he's sitting on the chair. I actually looked it up. Where is he? He's here. The Gmorra says in tracks page 59 one of the greatest Talmudic sages told the people of Makuza Makuz is a city in Babylonia Iraq he said respect your wives so that you become wealthy you could say this when you come home in my name or actually in the name of Rava it's not a mine the name of Rava Baba Mitsia 59. Your husband can look it up. Remember the mage number Dantess Ra who was one of the greatest sages of all times. He turns to the people of Makuza to the men. Obviously he was giving them a lecture a shir and he said go home respect respect show honor show um pay tribute to your wives because that's the only way you'll become wealthy. And what he meant was that all the blessings in people's lives comes from a good relationship with their spouses. So the more you respect your wife and cherish her, the more you'll be blessed, which is a beautiful, beautiful statement. The deaf says, but there's a deeper interpretation here. The word in Hebrew for women and Aramaic for your wives is from the word, but the word has another meaning just like the word, the opposite meaning. And in fact, we're just learning about it. Ysef had a son, mana. Why did he name him Manasha? So the busk says in Mikini escali, "Hashem, help me forget all my hardship and suffering in the house of my father. He was kidnapped. He was abused. He was thrown into a pit. He was sold as a slave. He went through craziness by his own family. Hashem, helped me forget. Hashem, help me move on. I can marry. He had a family. He married us. They built a new life together. Remember, according to the medish was also abandoned by the family. Osnas was Dena's daughter as a result of her relationship with she became pregnant withnas and they sent her to Mitsam. So these are two people from the family of Yakov, both abandoned by the family. So they understood each other. There's nothing like a husband understanding his wife's trauma and a woman understanding her husband's trauma and then creating space for the other person's healing process and together imagine they can create a family and together they looked at this boy manasha and they said hashem helped us move on recreate a new life later he'll have a second son of fria so the word means your wives but it also means your forgetfulness Cherish your moments of forgetfulness. Cherish your moments of weakness when you forget who you are, when you're broken, when you're impoverished because that is how you'll become wealthy. And the mim says so many people spend so much time running away from their imperfections, running away from their flaws, running away from their vulnerability because it's painful. So we create a facade. How painful, how much energy I have to invest in building a facade and another facade and another facade. And God forbid anybody figures out how vulnerable I am. God forbid to be authentic. So everybody walks around with facads and sometimes you know we live in communities and families and there's so much pressure. Wow. He says that's not where you get wealthy. That's not where you really grow. you grow a kir in a sherish those moments where I fail and I fall and I learn about my vulnerabilities and imperfections because it's from there that you learn most about yourself you learn what your avoid is what your is what your mission is why you came down to the world that's where we gain our truest wealth and then I realized that the is not really contradicting the literal interpretation because what does it really mean to cherish your wife your wife is the one the men will know this those who are married, right? Your wife is the one who will show a mirror to your face and show you how imperfect you are. I can go around the world and give speeches and get standing ovations and it's nice, right? But when I come home, there's no speech and there's no standing ovation. It's like you're late. You forgot the wine again. You were supposed to bring it. There was one thing I asked you today. You forgot. I just got a standing ovation. I don't care if you got a standing ovation. Right. A few months ago, Senator Joseph Lieberman passed away. Remember Senator Lieberman is the senator of Connecticut. He was a fine Jew. So they always told a story about him. You remember some some of you remember he ran to become the vice president on the ticket of Al Gore. Al Gore wanted to be president and he would be the vice president. He would be the first Jewish Orthodox. He was a Shabas. He was a mitzvah. He'd be the first Jewish and Orthodox Jewish vice president in the history of the United States. Anyway, Al Gore lost as you might remember and Senator Lieberman came home that night. That's true. That's true. Okay. Right. Misani. Okay. Okay. So, you remember your history lessons from America? Somebody Al Gore. He's responsible for global warming. He walks everywhere not to use gas. and um and he ran with Lieberman. Anyway, Senator Lieberman comes home that night. He feels dejected. You know, he lost. It's not Kishmak to lose the elections. And they say that his wife, Hadasa Lieberman, comes to greet him. And she sees that her husband is really downcast. He's melancholy. He's depressed. And she says, "Joe, you don't have to be depressed cuz in this house you will always remain vice president." So then I realized that the de machims, by the way, this is good. I was once giving a lecture in Florida. I think for your hoodie, you just got it. Okay. This this is not a joke you have to say when you get home. I mean, you could say it, but you don't have to say it in my name. So, somebody just sent me a clip. It was very, very funny. I couldn't understand it really cuz my mother-in-law is at SADUS. But I still laughed cuz a little bit I understood it. So there's this guy traveling on the highway, you know, probably the FDR and he's going very very fast or the Palisades and the policeman calls him, you know, pulls him over and the policeman says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" And he says, "Of course, but can I speak to you privately? I need to get out of the car." He says, "Sure." Comes out of the car. He says, "Let's go to the back." And he asked the policeman, he says, "Did you see that there's two women in the car?" Policeman says, "Yeah." He says, ' Do you know who they are? He says, 'No, one is my wife and one is my mother-in-law. Now, my mother-in-law has been living with us, but thank God she and my wife, her daughter, got into a crazy fight today. And she said, "Take me home now. I'm done. Take me home." So, I am now taking my mother-in-law back to her house. Now, I am frightened that in this journey, she's going to make up with my wife. And if she makes up with her, she's going to go back to our home for another 6 months. So, I need a speed as fast as possible. I'm going 160 mph because this is an urgent situation. I need to get her home before these two women make up. The policeman looks at him and says, "Okay, I'm going to call in for a police escort. You're going to be able to go as fast as you want. We're going to surround you. You can take every light because this is really a national emergency. So, you'll be able to get home. The bottom line is it's in the relationships in our home where we learn to be real, to be authentic. There's the facade I can face. I can show the world. Cherish your vulnerability. Cherish your lower moments. Cherish your downers because that's where you learn most about who you are and what your spiritual mission is. And this is what this boy understood. It's rehea rus. When I can embrace my brokenness without shame, without guilt, I can then develop real friendships. I can develop real ryos, real rhea. When I'm smug and hoardy and arrogant, I can't be a real friend because it's not real. I'm impressing you. You're impressing me. I'm wearing a mask. You're wearing a mask. We can't experience each other's heartbeat. And I think it's the gift of so many people who were challenged by the creator of the world with so many physical disabilities. Many of them didn't learn how to develop these masks that so many of us develop so effectively, successfully. And therefore their vulnerability and purity and authenticity is so easily discernable. It's all over their face. It's all over their body. There's no dissonance. There's no schism. There's no split. There's no plymus and is you know the inner and the outer. There's no inner self and outer self. The self that I know about or I don't even know about because I repress and the self that I want other people to know about. It's so so powerful. reim or to quote that boy, I'm imperfect. So are you. I have forgiven you. Can you forgive me? Can you embrace my imperfection? You know, I realize we can only embrace other people's imperfections when we can embrace our own. If I'm busy denying my own imperfections, I'll be busy denying yours. I can't make space for it. I can't hold space for it. I can't have empathy for it. I can only be a rehea, a a true friend when I can hold space for my imperfections. And what does it mean to be a true friend? Said insh we have a lot of relationships. We have brothers, we have parents, children, grandchildren, teachers, mentors. We only have one friend in the whole you know that one person is defined as a friend. Yehuda has a friend in parishes. Aua says why why is like that the only depiction of friendship it actually the calls his friend but he was his father-in-law so he wasn't just his friend but there's only one relationship of friendship in the whole it's fascinating Yehuda had a friend by the name of and what's the story there it's very interesting says this you know what the story is Yehuda goes to Tamar and then he gives Kira the sheep to be able to give to Tama because that was the price and he can't find it. And Yehuda says, "You know what? This is going to get so embarrassing. Let her keep let's give the sheep and get back the collateral because Yehuda gave her his staff and his seal and his belt. Give her the sheep and get back the collateral." And he can't find her. So Yehuda says, "You know what? Forget this pineal. This is going to get very, very embarrassing. Let her keep the collateral and we'll have the sheep and of course Tar's brilliance. It's that collateral that shows Yehuda the true story. Parrots is his child. Zarak is his child. So says, "So what's a friend?" A friend is somebody with whom you can share the most vulnerable embarrassing parts about yourself. That's what a friend is. Reu. That's really what Reo is. It's really the recognition of the human brokenness of our authenticity of our vulnerability and the fact that each and every one of you represents that type of friend to all of the people that you serve as directly or indirectly to the parents of kids with disabilities to people with disabilities to the companies and organizations that deal with the people with inabilities. You know, it's that ability to be able to show that authentic love and friendship and sensitivity that makes all the difference. I want to share something with you. I saw it a number of years ago. It was the New Yorker magazine. They interviewed a fellow named Dr. Jerome Mate. I actually heard the story from Rabbi Sha Ta, but then I looked it up. Dr. Jerome Mate served as a forensic psychologist for the police department of San Francisco. What was his job? Unfortunately, in San Francisco, there are many suicides. His job was to go examine the evidence and make sure there was no foul play. After a full career, he was already older and retired. He already died a number of years ago. They interviewed him about his life in the New Yorker. They asked him if any story shocked him. Did he ever get shaken up? And he said, "Unfortunately, when you're doing this for years, you get used to it. Did anything shock you?" He said, "Once." Once he was overwhelmed and he shared this story. He got a call from the police department in San Francisco that somebody jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge which unfortunately is a very popular destination for people who want to take their lives. They jump from the bridge. It's usually not always but it's a pretty certain death. Although there was somebody who survived a while ago. He gets a call from the police. Somebody jumped to his death. his job. Forensic psychologist, he needs to go to the apartment, check out the environment, see the evidence, and make sure there was nothing else going on. It was really somebody taking his own life, and there was nothing. There was no crime. So, he does that very predictable, unfortunately, a very common job for him. He gets the address, he goes into the apartment. A man in his 30s, lived alone, middle class building, middle class apartment, comfortable, normal. And you know, you go in, you look around, you see if somebody broke in the doors, the windows, you know what was moved, just you look at everything. This is what he was trained for. He comes in, everything seems neat, no foul play, and then he notices on the dresser in the dining room, there's a note, which is not uncommon because very often before people do this, they usually very often they leave notes. They leave letters or messages. So he was expecting one of these notes and then he takes the note and he looks at it and he said and when I read it I felt like a dagger in my chest. This is what the man wrote. I am walking now from my house. I am about to walk to the Golden Gate Bridge in order to jump to my death. However, this walk takes around 30 minutes. If one person on the way will greet me, say hi, and smile to me, I'm going to go back home. And Dr. Jerome Mate said, and then I realized he walked for 30 minutes, very busy city, nobody said hi, and nobody smiled. And he jumped. And he said, I thought to myself, if I would have been one of the people that he walked by during those 30 minutes, would have I been different. I also would have been busy. I may have also been on my phone texting. I may have also been occupied. I also have my problems. What's my job? To tell everybody, "Hi, cuz you're walking down the street." I'll tell you a personal story. This was very funny. Some of you live in Brooklyn. Not all of you, but some of you live in Brooklyn. You know, Brooklyn has a reputation, which New York has. You know, people are sometimes uptight, stressed, busy, and anxious. Like somebody once said, he got a ticket driving in Manhattan 50 miles hour, but it said on the ticket, you're getting a ticket for double parking. Okay. Or somebody said that was a joke. Somebody said you didn't get it. It's fine. In Monroe, it doesn't work that way. Monioat. Somebody said in in Oh, you just got it. Okay, no problem. It's fine. It's fine. It's been a long morning. You can explain it to your friend. It's part of explain jokes to your friends. But somebody once said the serenity prayer in New York is God give me patience and give it to me now. So I was once I was once walking, it was Shabas afternoon. I was in Brooklyn where I grew up. Today I live in Mont. And I see two people and I realize they're not from the community. And uh I don't know, I just have a custom that if I'm conscious and I'm not absent-minded and I'm present, I say hi to people. And I see these two guys walking and I'm walking behind them and I'm walking a little faster and I go over to them and I say, "Hi, welcome to the community. I was also a guest actually. Good chabas. How are you?" And I see they're both astounded. So I asked them, "What just happened?" And they said, "We just had an argument. if anybody is going to say hi to us in this community. One of us said, "No, there's no chance. Nobody even knows you exist." And the other one said, "Don't be so pessimistic." And right after that, I said, "Hi." Because I learned I learned it from the story and other stories. And he said, "I realized what happened at that moment." And then I understood another story. Of course, it was Jews. Everything is another story. Which story? Ysef. Ysef is in prison. And the Tory tells a story. One morning he came in and he saw Paris butler and bakery. You know what means? How do you say that in English? He sees two non-Jews ministers of parro and they look down, depressed, melancholy, dejected, anxious, stressed. Now if you were shalom or I was in a prison cell for 10 years in a bur in a some pit in Egypt I'm there from the age of 18 till 30 but at this point I'm 28 10 years without a father without a mother without brothers. In fact my brothers are responsible for this and I see two non-Jews who probably don't like me anyway because they work for parro and they're depressed. What would I do? What would you say? Huh? Exactly. They're depressed. Of course. First of all, they're on death row. Okay. Second of all, they're in prison. I'm also depressed. And do I really care? Y decides to ask them a question. And the question consists of four words. What happened, guys? Why do you look down? Why are you depressed? And they tell him, "We had a dream. It's always about a dream. Everybody has a dream." And Ysef says, "Share the dream." And he explains to them the dream. And when the butler goes free a few days later, Ysef says, "Remember, don't forget me." And it takes years. When Par has a dream, the man remembers and he talks about Yais and Ysef is summoned. He becomes a prime minister of Egypt. The rest is history. He saves the world and the Jewish family from hunger. Think about it. He had the serenity, the the the he was in uh you know a parasympathetic state. His nervous system was in such a parasympathetic state that he could see two people who weren't even from his faith or people and say why are you depressed in prison? First of all, it means that he was in a pretty good place and that he cared and he helped them. And because of that, we're here today. Because of that, he was summoned to par. We're all here today because one Jewish kid in prison decided to ask two people in the morning, why do you look depressed? Now, I see people often in the morning, they always look depressed. You come into schul, yeah, 600, 7 in the morning. What do you think most people look like? I don't even think of asking him why he's depressed. First of all, he didn't have coffee yet. He didn't have his vitamins. He didn't go to therapy. He didn't go to the gym. He didn't deal with his stuff. Okay? His wife didn't tell him what to look like. He's still not whatever. Of course, he's mad. He's angry. You don't ask questions like just stay away and do your thing. And that's even in SH or in Yeshiva. Ysef is in prison. He's like what Jerome Mate learned in San Francisco Ysef taught us 3600 years ago. I say this to you because you deal with people who are struggling on a daily basis. A telephone with a father with a mother. That question of Ysef was four words and it changed the world. It literally ch we would not be sitting here today 4,000 years later if not for that question. Now couldn't we say that everyone who asks someone in the morning why do you look down will save the world like Ysef sometimes we see it sometimes we don't see it sometimes we see it right away sometimes we see it only years later but it has an impact beyond what anybody imagines Ysef would have never imagined that that question not only saved him it saved his family it saved the entire Egypt the entire cananan from a devastating hunger because that's how Par found out about it that's why he became the minister of from one question. So think the impact of your question when you're on the phone with that mother, when you're on the phone with that agency, when you're on the phone with this individual, whoever it may be going through a hard day, going through a struggle, whatever that struggle may be, understand aesh. You may look at yourself, I'm a secretary. I'm a good secretary trying to do secretarial work with loyalty and consistency. And it's true. But there's always much more than what meets the eye. In fact, just a few weeks ago, I had a WhatsApp conversation with a Jew living in Israel. And I just want to tell you that this story taught me so much. It was so powerful that I decided I do my Kaneka videos that I have to turn it into a Kaneka story. This is a Jew who lives in the south of Israel. His name is Elasaf Maria. Alas Maria a fine humble yid a really fine person what does he do for a profession as a vocation he's a painter a fire in yish aber a painter a dire he dies you know in the south kamas sent 20 30,000 rockets so if you're living there you have between five and 20 seconds to find shelter when the sirens go off because the rockets come over and they could fall so they build bomb shelters almost on every block. So anybody walking, they have 5, 10 seconds, 20 seconds to run into a bomb shelter. Now these bomb shelters look very depressing. They're gloomy. They're, you know, concrete. So a mother and children are there for an hour until it's safe and it's very hard. So what did Ali Yasav do? He painted each one with colorful pictures so that when the kids are there, mothers are there, fathers are there for a half an hour, 20 minutes, an hour, at least there should be some Gishmaka vibe. There should be some colorful vibe. Remind them that there's a world out there that's more lively and joyous as the rockets are falling all around them. And he painted each one with a different color and with a different personal with a different different murals. You know, one he has a girl chasing butterflies and one is a beautiful mountain and a majestic animal and a breathtaking sunset and a beautiful sunrise and an exquisite landscape and a you know majestic beast. Whatever it is, just kids laughing, a girl laughing, a boy laughing. H1 a different painting, a different mural. He took his pallet and his brush and he went from shelter to shelter dying it. That would have been the end of the story and everybody loved Al Yasaf and thought he was a really nice guy. But the story had a continuation. October 7th comes that simil October 7th 2023 6:15 a.m. 3,000 rockets come in from the kamas in Gaza and everybody runs in to a bomb shelter and anyone in that area ran into a bomb shelter. There was a music festival. Thousands of people. They all ran into bomb shelters. They didn't know that a few minutes later 6,000 terrorists will come in and start performing a mini holocaust. Hashem kam alas shared this with me. The next morning he starts receiving urgent WhatsApps. From whom? The police. Family members and relatives. Their relatives sent them a message. They are hiding in a bomb shelter. Please rescue us. The relatives say, "What's the address?" They say, "We don't know. Is there any identifying sign?" "Sure, we can tell you the picture that's painted on the wall." He sent me some of the messages. They took pictures of the pictures and they WhatsAppapped it to their friends, relatives, or police. They're asking Elasaf, "Can you help us locate these people?" There's no address. Elasaf knew the location of each one of these shelters cuz he knew which picture he painted on each one. So, he could direct every single one of them to the right bomb shelter. When they came there, some of them were not here anymore. Some of them were saved. But all of them and their families can get all of their belongings. They knew exactly where everyone was. And then I realized if you would have asked Ali Yasaf October 6th, what do you do for a living? He would have said, I'm just a painter. I'm a simple painter. Two days later, he realized that he was a saver of lives. He helped so many people. And then I realized something else. Most people don't know what they're doing. I think I'm a painter. That's what I am. Ysef is just asking a simple question. Hey guys, why are you depressed? He doesn't know what he's doing. He's a nice guy. He doesn't know that at that moment he's saving the entire world from hunger. And then I realized something else. The Mishna says in Sanhedrin that every person ought to say for me the world was created. We sometimes think it's a little bit of an exaggeration. I'm just a regular simple man or woman. I mean I'm I'm I'm trying to be nice but for me the world was created. But then I realized, think about Ali Yasaf. You know, if the police or the relatives or the friends would have called anybody besides Al Yasaf, they could have called the head of the police. They could have called the head of Shabbak, the head of the Mossad, the head of Amman, the chief of staff, the defense minister, the prime minister, any general and commander. Nobody would be able to help them. There was only one man who could save the day. He was the only one who knew where each shelter was because he did the murals. I said there was something only he can achieve. Nobody else could. I said, "Ah, that's what mean when they say there's something that only you, you, you, you, you, me, him or her can accomplish in this world that nobody before you or afterwards in history can accomplish. Not because I'm the greatest person who ever lived, but because when you were born, Hashem gives you a mission. And you are an indispensable note in the cosmic symphony. And there's something at stake in the universe that only you can achieve through your life, through your presence, through your pallet and brush, through the colors and the pictures that you create, through your words and thoughts and actions on a daily basis. But he could have never guessed this. He could have never known this. Just like Ysef Hats could have never known this, the heart that you put in to the relationships, to the work in Rem, the empathy, the presence, the smile, the love, the presence of mind, the ability to hold space for people's pain, for people's anguish. I grew up in the Crown Heights section of Brooklyn. One of my memories as a child was, this is of course before the days of computers, before the days of fax machines, and certainly before the days of the worldwide web and the internet, which officially emerges in 1994. This is 20 years before that or 15 years before that. And I still remember the mailmen coming every day besides Sunday to 770 Eastern Parkway where the Labavatereba was delivering mail. And it was a for a kid it was such a sight because everybody you know you get 10 envelopes, 20 envelopes, 30 envelopes if you're really in debt 40 envelopes if you're bankrupt 50 envelopes, right? Fine. But the Reb he would come with sacks literally huge sacks which I never saw before or after. Each one had like 200 letters and he came like with three or four of them every single day including Shabas and would deliver them. So it was around I would say between three and 600 letters. That's what it seemed to me as a child from those sacks and I don't think I'm exaggerating at all. Maybe even more or but certainly a few hundred letters every day. Now I knew from his secretaries that Reb had a custom he did not allow his secretaries or gab or shamsham to open the letters because most of them were confidentially didn't want they should have access. So he opened every letter himself. Now I don't know if you ever tried opening 600 letters a day and that's just one little responsibility of many many other responsibilities. because he carried a world on his shoulders and he's opening every letter himself and answering them. So one of his who I happen to know his name is Alman Khan he lives on Montgomery Street in Brooklyn decides to do something that nobody thought of. What did he go? He goes to the store and he buys an envelope opener. Today not many people use envelopes so much but in those days it was very useful. You put the envelope into the opener. Boom boom boom opens a machine. You're not opening it. You don't get scratched. Your finger is not working 600 times to open a letter and it gets stuck and it gets scratched and you're bleeding. Huh? An envelope opener. Salman says that the Reb got it. He thanked him and he returned it. He said it makes too much noise. Made a lot of it makes too much noise. So he went and he searched for a silent model. He calls up the company. They don't have anything. anything, you know, with the right amount of money. They found it was an old model that went out of went out of stock and he found it and he was so happy and he delivers this to the lab. He'll have a silent envelope opener. Lo and behold, the Reb returns it. My high I guess the Reb felt that he had to he owed an explanation. So he told his secretary, his name was Rabbi Klein Shalom, to tell him and he said as follows. I get emotional when I say this. He said, "When people send a letter to me, they seal their envelope, different people seal their envelopes in different ways. Some people seal their envelopes with their saliva, with their spit. Some people seal their envelopes with glue, with a stapler, with scotch tape. There are those who seal their envelopes with their tears. How can I open with a machine that which a Jew sealed with his tears? If I put the envelope into the machine, the machine won't pick up the tears. The machine will just tear the envelope. I open it with my fingers, I can absorb the tears. And there was a message here. I don't start reading the letter when I start reading the letter. I start reading the letter when I open the envelope. The Drew seal this envelope with his heart, with his nishama, with his anguish. You don't give that to a machine. That ability to be able to hold space for someone's tears. We don't always have solutions for people's tears. I probably we don't have solutions for many of the tears of people. But I can hold space for it. I can open the envelope with my fingers. I can absorb it. I can look at it. I don't have to run away from it. I can be part of I can have empathy for the brokenness and therefore mold a real friendship, a real powerful relationship, a real authentic and profound experience. You know, my deepest friend, my friends, it's I'm thinking about this event and everybody grew up with a famous story. It's a story we grew up with and when you get older, you start revisiting the stories as children that we heard as children and it sometimes becomes very perplexing. Everybody knows the story and it's actually going to be read next week. Pares Moisha is a little baby. He's in a basket. His mother put him into the Nile to save him maybe from the Egyptians. Hopefully, if he stays home, he will for sure be killed and drowned. And we all know the story. The daughter of Par, her name is Batia. Batya comes to the Nile and she sees a little basket and she wonders about it. And what does she do? She sends out is an interesting word. It doesn't say it doesn't say her maid. It says so says actually refers to her hand. So why did it say not? Because her arm extended many many feet. She couldn't reach the basket. It was in the water. and it floated away. So she couldn't reach it. So she extended her hand and her arm extends 50 feet, 100 ft, 200 feet until she reaches the basket, retrieves it. She opens it up. There's a baby sobbing. Mo is three months old and she says, "This must be a Jewish kid." would put their kid in the river and of course she takes him home and raises him. Even gives him his name and he grows up as her son. She is the mother who adopted him. And when I read this story and I thought to myself like people know this medish very well this gamarra you know she was there she stretched out her arm and her arm extended 100 ft 200 feet but the story itself is so beautiful like why do the sages need to put in this miracle story about her arm extending like just the story itself is an amazing story she went she sent Amasa you don't know what amasa means maybe it means her maid maybe it means she sent out her hand and like why why did the kazal need to create this whole story about our arm extending? But I want to ask another question. If you went to the Nile, okay, anybody of us went to the Nile for whatever reason, we're spending the day on the beach with a pinina colada, with a nice book, whatever it is, and then you see a basket and you're curious and you extend your arm and suddenly your arm extends 100 ft. What would you do? Scream? What else would you do? Pull back. Run away. 911. Miss Shimam Shirail. I'm out. I'm out of here. I'm not hanging around these ghosts. I would get pretty freaked out. It's pretty creepy and queasy. Forgive me. And I would run for my life cuz my arm never extended 100 feet or even two feet. It's like it's such a strange story and again like we know people read the med they don't understand we have an immature perspect like like let's let's put in some interesting story to spice it up. It's a good story like it doesn't say in kish if it says it says the sea split the sea split. doesn't say her arm extended like why do we have to do this to our stories said something amazing Rabbi David Foreman explained it beautifully as well people don't understand medish they think medish is you know some super duper looper cute stories like to entertain 5-year-olds it's not what harmony does to music to a song medish does to the text of you know you could sit down by the piano. You remember all of us when we were six years old, you sat down on the piano, da da da da da da da da da da. You remember your daughter still does it? No. Or da da da da da da da da da on the pony. You actually played the notes and you did the tune right, but we're not taking you to Carnegie Hall tomorrow. And then somebody else sits down at the piano. What's the difference? The harmony. It wasn't just the note itself. It was the full resonance. Medish to the text of is what harmony does to the niggan to the melody. You could read the story. Bata goes out. She extends her arm. She takes the basket. She go takes the boy. Goes home. Nice story. The med says, "Do you hear the harmony in the story?" And I want to show you how this works because first of all, it's beautiful. It's sweet, but it's also so profound and it's such a message for life. When it says her arm extended 100 ft, as the moral often explains, that doesn't it doesn't necessarily have to mean literal. It means something much deeper than that. Here's a question. If you are the daughter of Pare and you go out to the river and you see a little basket and you're curious because you suspect there's something special there and then you find there's a little boy and you decide to take him home and you ask any normal friend if that's good advice. What would they tell you? Bist. Okay, just imagine Hitler's daughter. a little Hitler's daughter finding a little Jewish baby in a ghetto saying you know what I'm taking him home to raise him by my father Adolf Hitler what would you tell this girl Stalin's daughter finding a little Jewish boy and I'm going to bring him to Stalin and we're going to grow up together you're crazy your father Stalin and Hitler will shoot the boy and shoot Jew. These are Jew haters. Parro was a Hmon. He was a Hitler. He was the first man who wanted genocide of every single Jew. He wanted every baby drowned. Every male baby drowned. Don't bring him home to Par's house. You're crazy. You're a nice innocent girl. But don't do this. Your goal is unreachable. You're extending your arm. My arm can reach how far? a foot, maybe a foot and a half. If I'm athletic, maybe two feet. But if you ask me to get my arm and reach something that's 200 feet away or 2,000 ft away or 20,000 ft away, you can do it. There are goals that are reachable. There are goals that are unreachable. There are goals that are attainable in life. There are goals that are unattainable in life. Don't be stupid. It's like I'll decide that I'm going to lose 70 pounds by tomorrow afternoon. You know those types of goals and you know how they turn out, right? If I could eat one Danish less till tomorrow afternoon is and if I could lose a pound over the next uh I don't know how long whatever is no. What they said once said, you know, people kids today, they want to learn shas in one night, but that night they also want to have a good night's sleep. There's goals that are achievable. There's goals that are not achievable. You have to know. So if anybody would have come to Bata and Bata would have asked them, I think there's a baby there. I'm suspecting Jewish baby there. I want to bring him. I want to save him. You know where I want to raise him? In my papa's house. What would you tell her? I say, "Bata. You need help. You need help. You are insane. You're crazy. Think about other things. Maybe get somebody else to deal with this. This is not for you. Trust me, we know your father." And what should have Batia done? Look the other way. And that would have been fine. Look the other way. What did she do? She said, "No, I'm going to reach. I'm going to reach for this goal. I want to save this boy." And what happens at that moment when she extends her arm? What happens? Osa has an arm and his arm is very long because he's infinite. And he connects his invisible arm to her visible arm. and her arm reaches to a place that she on her own could never never reach cuz what happens? She brings home this boy and he survives. How do I know he survives? I'm here today to tell the story. Mosha is the one who made us a people. He liberated us. He molded us. He gave us the Ty. He led us. The boy survived in inconceivable circumstance. It didn't make sense. She got it done. How? Because I have an arm. My arm is limited. But when I extend my arm and I say I'm going to do something, it can't happen. It won't be successful. Extend your arm. There's another arm that is much longer and it joins our arms. And then I understood we always say this is the common expression of our [Music] sages. You remember the how they translated that. Did I say that right? I wasn't in but I still know. Is that how they do it in Hungarian Yiddish? Because I do like litish Ukrainian Yiddish. So I'm like different a little. Okay. I can become a teacher in sudd. Oh. So that's like okay. So that's okay. So that's good. Why? I understand. Hashem took us out with a strong hand and with a stretched out arm. Arm, by the way, and arm. Arum comes from arm or arm comes from. But why is that relevant? He took us out. He took us out with with with with his Yeah. Hashem. Because that's the story. You know what the Zuya is? You know who Zoroya was? He took us out because there was a young woman who wasn't afraid to stretch out her arm when the whole world looked at her and said, "You're ridiculous. You're crazy. You're insane. You're stupid. You're immature. You're naive. You're absent-minded. You're aloof. You're not living in the world. You're a fantasizer. You're a dreamer. You're not realistic." It was her arm. Hashem aligned his arm with her arm and the miracle happened. And I want to tell you something. Throughout history, any great thing that ever happened was a person who stretched out their arm and some people said, "You're really stupid. This is unattainable. This is not achievable. Your arm is limited. Go do something much smaller." People have ambitions, but then they second they doubt themselves. A person says, "You think I'm capable of building an amazing marriage, of building amazing relationship with my children? You think I'm capable of real healing and recovery? You think I'm really capable of living a deep relationship with Hashem? You think I'm really capable of changing the world, of lighting up the world? In fact, when RAIM was founded in 2003, I don't think anybody imagined when that first arm was extended that it would reach the place where it is today with a budget of 150 million dollars a year, helping thousands and thousands and thousands of people with disabilities and other organizations looking at it and saying, "What's your secret?" When Mr. and Mrs. Krauss and their incredible team. And by the way, one of the unique couples that work together day in and day out. You know, usually they tell husbands and wives, don't work together. It's enough at night. It's enough at night. Not good for shalom. And sometimes that's true. But one of the miracles of that cup. That's another miracle of I guess there's some good friendship over there. You got to give us lessons. But that's what people say. You're a dreamer. And the same is true in your life and in your work. Sometimes we think, eh, what's the point? What's the purpose? What am I going to achieve? What am I going to accomplish? Learn from Batya. Extend your arm cuz you never know who that arm will touch and how far it will reach. You never know. I just got regards. There was a Shabbatone from an organization called Ray of Hope. Ray of Hope is for young women who experienced difficult childhoods. In one particular sense, they were abused in very very inappropriate ways. I'm not going to elaborate here. And they had a Shabbatone the first time. So, one of the women shared something with another woman who comes to my classes. So, she shared it with my wife. My wife told it to me today. Said, "I want you to know I was once listening to your husband's class, my class." And he went off tangent completely. And then he said, "I don't know why I just went off tangent. Like, why am I changing the subject?" And I was speaking about dealing with these types of pains. And then I said, "Maybe somebody had to hear it. Maybe somebody." And this woman says that she was considering to take her life. That's how much pain she had. And then she heard this and it gave her a new hope. And she's here today because of that. And then I realized that in life we can only show up with the skills we have as of and stretch out my arm. That's all I can do and that's all I have to do. But stretch out the arm. Don't surrender to naysayers and cynics and skeptics. And if the arm needs to be extended, it will be extended. Then I understood something else. Bata didn't only do it for herself. She taught Mosha how to live because what happens years later? He goes out to his brothers the first time and what does he see? An Egyptian beating a Jew to death. Now stop for a moment. If you were Mosa, you're an Egyptian prince. You're the stepson of Batya. You're the stepgrandson of Par. That means you may be the next king. You have a good future. And you see here an Egyptian beating a Jew. What do you think? What should I do? If you kill the Egyptian, what's going to happen? Par is going to hear about it. And he's like, "My grandson is killing Egyptians. He's defending Jews. You got to be crazy. What should have Mosha thought? Doesn't make sense to kill the Egyptian. I'm gonna get killed." That's what happens. Par wants to kill him. He has to run away to Midion. I have a better idea. Be quiet. Make believe you don't care. Build yourself up in the palace. One day you'll become a powerful person and then you'll help many more Jews. You're a giving yourself away. You're going to become a fugitive. You have a future. You'll be the next P. You're a brilliant kid. You'll become the king one day. You'll liberate all the Jews. Don't save one Jew. Maybe for a few weeks he'll be alive. It's a joke. Doesn't that make sense what I'm saying? Makes a lot of sense. You never thought about that. Makes much more sense. Long-term vision. But Mosha knew the story with his stepmother. She also couldn't do it. It was an unattainable goal. You're doing something that's ridiculous. Moses says to himself, "There's a Jew now who's going to be beaten to death. Will I be quiet or will I save him? I cannot be quiet." He saves the Jew and he kills the Egyptian. And you know what? He loses. He has to run away. But what happens at the end? He liberates the whole people, the all the people. That's the moment Hashem sees he's the man. He's the leader. He's the redeemer. And it's so true in life. Where did Moshe learn this from? He also extended his arm saves the Jew and ultimately saves the entire Israel. And this is so true in each of our lives. You know, sometimes people look at goals, they look at situations, h let me be quiet. They look at injustice. They see stupidity. They sometimes even see crimes. They see negativity. But we make all these calculations. If I'm quiet, then this will happen, that will happen. Batya taught the Jewish world the ultimate lesson. And that is if I see something, I say something and I do something. And even if I can do much, I can extend my arm. I could say I care. I make a statement. and Hashem's arm often, if need be, will join your arm and you don't even know what will happen and you may never even find out about it. I've learned that again and again and again. It comes with a lot of humility and a lot of vulnerability and especially in this work in Ray where you're dealing constantly with people who were given many challenges in life and often it's easy to be discouraged. It's easy to get bored. It's easy to get cynical. It's easy for it to become tedious. You know, let me just get through the day. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. to be able to continuously extend our arms, whatever that means. To show love, to show empathy, to give an embrace, to extend a heart, an empathetic word, a compassionate gesture, a smile, and a sincere authentic relationship represented by Rehea, by that friend who can hold space for brokenness. That means the world I'm going to conclude with one final insight and then hopefully you'll have an appetite for a Gishmaka lunch and I'm not going to try to lose 70 pounds by tomorrow. If I lose one pound by tomorrow will also be an accomplishment. I'll extend my arm not to take food to take the kale. Not the rugal but the kale. That's what I'll extend my arm to but I want to share this insight because I think it really summarizes your work and our work of raim. I mentioned before the de makim he was a grandson of the bshv. His mother was adul was a daughter of the bumpv his name was of sedlik of Ukraine. He was 18 when the bshtv passed away and he has amazing teachings including things he heard from the bump himself. I saw on par something very profound that he says and it's interesting if you listen to Mr. Kra's Rabbi Kra's speech earlier he said his own and he told it over to me and I said look up the deel cuz he says something very similar I want to tell you something I saw in the frame I just saw it yesterday and I saw it a few years ago but yesterday I reviewed it we all know the story it says that already was old and he couldn't see so when Ysef brings his two children and he puts Manasha to the right of Yakov and fra on the left of Yakov. He wants Yakov to bless the older and the younger one. And Yakov crosses his hands like an X and he puts his right hand on Aryim the younger one is left hand on Manasha the older one and Ysef gets upset. It's not the right way to do it. He picks up his hands. He wants to switch and says, "No, no, no, no. I know everything but this is the way to do it." And he blesses them that day. every Jew who blesses his children will always say that's what we do till today when we bless our sons even though when we bless our daughters we say with our sons we jump to the grandkids of not of soel has an amazing interpretation and he says you have the physical story but you also have the story as a metaphor every story in is also a metaphor he says it's sometimes the same child. I'm going to say it in my words. This is so appropo for 2025. It's literally prophecy. The devil says sometimes you look at your child. I can't look at my child. Kid comes in dressed not the way their mother and bab taught them how to dress to put it mildly. It's certainly not the way they get dressed in Monroe or in Williamsburg or in Muny or in Bar Park or in Lakewood or in Benbra or in May or in Kia and this is your daughter. You look at your son or your grandson or your neighbor's son or your nephew is my eyes are heavy. It's too heavy. I can't see it. I close my eyes. I don't want to see it. That's what the dele says. And there's an instinct in me to say, "You're not my child. Get out of my house. You're embarrassing. You're embarrassing the family. You're embarrassing the brand." How do you say brand in Yiddish? The brand. You're embarrassing the brand. The elabor was saved from Awitz. She raised 12 kids. And now you're in Anacl. This is what you're doing to her in Ganeden. She's turning. You know the guilt that mothers put their children through. You have a little bad. You have a lot of that on the Monroe or Williamsburg Park. A little bit. Yeah. It's called guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Shame. That's why we were saved. So the instinct is you're not my child. Get out of my house. You're embarrassing. What's going to be with him? We're supposed to be the most perfect family. We're the perfect family and you are the one that's destroying the family. It's a problem. It's a challenge. Today people have this challenge a lot. I deal with this a lot. And so says there's an instinct like get out of my life. What does Jacob do right after that? It says he brings them closer. He embraces them and he kisses them. He knows his job is keep them close. And if you have a hard time, it means they need more closeness and more attachment because that's what saves everybody. Attachment, attachment, attachment. But the question is how? How do you do it? So he says Yakov taught Ysef a lesson. Cross your hands. The right hand on Afraim, the left hand on Manasha. And this is what he says. What's mana and it's two parts of every child. Manasha comes from the word as I said earlier nashani forgetfulness says theel it's the part of me that forgets hashem comes from the word. The Gomorrah says, "Even the greatest sinners of Israel are filled with mitzvah like a pomegranate with seeds. Ephim is the part that's mitzvah. It's filled with goodness. And mana is the part that forgets Hashem." And the devil says, "We always see mana first. We right away look at a child and we right away see the flaws. We right away see the problems." That's how it is. There was a professor who once showed his class a white paper, an empty white paper. There was a black dot. And he asked all the students, "What do you see?" And everybody said, "We see a black dot." And he said, "It's so interesting. 99% of the paper is white." But everybody only sees the black dot. So I look at the child, I right away see what's wrong. Manasha, you didn't do this. You didn't do that. You didn't do this. You woke up late. You missed this. You missed that. Where were you? Right away the problems. Yakob says, "Don't do it that way. Ephraim comes first. Ephraim gets the right hand." Can you see Malaya mitzvah? Can you see? Can you see all the goodness in this child? Can you see his heart? Can you see his depth? Can you see his sensitivity? Can you see his beauty? The right hand yim, the left weaker hand on manasha. focus and accentuate on the beauty, on the power, on the goodness. That's what Jacob taught. And then you'll be able to say on them, everybody will say, "Ah, I want this child." When we look at people, it's so easy to see flaws. It's so easy to see challenges. And in your work, you see people with all types of challenges all the time. And we have challenges. So many of us different types of challenges. What Yakov taught is with every child can I first tune in with my right hand with my stronger arm with more emphasis on how much beauty and grace and goodness because if I can't do that ultimately I will not be able to be there for these children. Ultimately I will distance them more. Ultimately they will feel more abandoned and ultimately they will find their comfort in other places very very far away from those who really care for them and in all of our lives and in your work as rehe to be able to look at every individual and see that individual as a gift as a graceful divine gift. Can I look at every child and say, "You are a divine gift." And if I'm not seeing it, it's because I am blocked. It's because my ego is taking over. It's because my insecurity is reigning supreme. It's because I am unworked out. I need to work on myself. Yakov says, "If I need to close my eyes cuz I can't look at you, cuz you're freaking me out, cuz you're queasy, cuz you're weird. Because you're threatening me." It's my confidence and my relationship with Hashem that I need to work on. And when I could really see every child that way, which is the whole function of to see each one then then when I could see that can accentuate that that on each and every one of these people whom you're helping we can all say in you the Jewish people will invoke blessings. May God give May Hashem give each and every one of you the stamina, the vigor, the perspective, and the inspiration to be able to look at every soul that you're helping and see their infinite endless grace. Thank you so much. This class is brought to you by the yeshiva.net. net. Please help us continue the classes. Make even a small contribution at ww.theshiva.net/donate. /donate.