The River, the Kettle & the Bird - Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch

[Music] people ask me all the time what's the sign I'm in a very good relationship and what makes marriage is really really happy people get married for all different types of reasons some people get married because they're physically attracted to the other person other people get married because they believe that their spouse will provide for them a certain amount of physical comfort they live in a beautiful home go out to expensive restaurants and travel to many exotic vacations around the world but what really brings happiness in marriage and in a relationship the rabbi's tell us a remarkable thing a person who dreams of a river a kettle and a bird will really be happy in the relationship what are these three things represented a marriage a river kettle and a bird a river represents the ability of two cities living one up the river and down the river sharing the resources of the river they get water from the river they can wash their clothes from the river they can travel on that river and make it fish and get food from that river that's a physical relationship it's kind of like two people living together just for physical reasons they can sleep in the house at night they have a place to eat their meals a place for comfort but there's no deeper connection other than the physical relationship the second relationship is the kettle what does that represent mikela represents two very opposite things water and fire water is something which cools everything down and fire is something which heats up something else and if we put them together one extinguishes the other either the fire burns up the water or the water extinguishes the fire what brings the two things together is the bottom of the kettle those are the emotions and relationships one person has a lot of intensity one's person is very calm but they learn to blend their emotions together they learn to balance each other out in that relationship and they find another higher level of peace with one another but still that's not enough the rabbi's tell us is a higher third level and that's of the bird what is a bird - a bird has the amazing ability to both fly and can walk on the earth these are two very very different things walking and flying but within one body of that bird the bird can do both things that is the spiritual side of relationship that's the third and highest part of the relationship when you have that level of spirituality you actually can fly together in life so I suggest starting from the highest point of course a person has to find the other person physically attractive and of course we need to find somebody that can provide physically for them as well but the point they really have to focus on is the bird side of the relationship when they bring together both of their ambitions and they focus on one higher spiritual ambition that ambition is achievement we call shaman by it or peace in the home or even higher their goal in their marriage is to bring the shekinah God's presence into their home every day in their lives over the years I've realized that the couples that focus primarily on that spiritual connection have the happiest marriage as possible welcome to this new series in HIDA Brut called marriage matters my name is rabbi Daniel shomba and I'm a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in New York and around the world via Skype on this important series I will be answering your questions you have about marriage relationships dating parenting and about any issue dealing with family and relationships but more than what I have to say I want to hear what you have to say so please email to this address and send in your questions and I'll try to answer as many questions on this new show you