The Philosophy Of Idolatry - Parshat Balak - Rabbi YY Jacobson

graciously dedicated by Dina dornbush thanking the Reb for showing us the way back home with the help of his dedicated and inspiring schim thank you very much also dedicated [clears throat] to Aon benar fora and a Raa a complete and speedy recovery should be able to have him back at our men's classes not just virtually at the end of para's bok this week's portion there is a very enigmatic and disturbing and intriguing and mysterious story after bilum after bolock fails with his attempt to have bam balum cursed the Jewish people all the curses are transformed into blessings and at this moment there is so much uh positivity in the ear even the great enemy of the Jewish people balock and the great enemy of the Jewish people bam all that could come out of his mouth are some of the most beautiful poetic Praises in the most eloquent Fashion on the virtues the greatness of the past present and future of the Jewish people all the way to in fact most of the prophecies are Mah come from the mouth of bilum in para's B and right after that chapter 25 of the book of numbers byid which is the end of B and you see it here the tah shifts to a very disturbing Story the Jewish people settled in a place called shittim This is in the trans Jordan the Eastern side of the Jordan River and the people begin to commit adultery with the women with the daughters of the moabite nation Bak couldn't destroy them bam couldn't destroy them but people could destroy themselves they invited the people the daughters of mayv invited the people the Jewish people to the sacrifices of their gods the sacrifices of the pagan gods were often very grotesque promiscuous immoral and the people eat and they prostrate themselves to their gods is Israel the Jewish people become addicted they become chained attached connected to Bal Bal is the name of a pagan idolatry a form of idol worship in the ancient world so even though it says they were involved in sacrifices of their gods and they ate and they prostrated themselves but there's one particular deity that the T points out that not only did they become they became you know what a tamid is a bracelet huh right yeah when you say tud it means you're attached you're connected you're Jo I join up with something so you say they didn't only become involved they became completely engaged and attached like addicted to the and pain anger was ignited in is what is this Bal what is this interesting name for a deity what is Bal so Rashi gives us the commentary as he always does and it's not for the faint of heart it's quite a strange deity you'll forgive me but I'm just quoting the words of Rashi so Rashi says Al shame the word actually means when someone is beer when something is removed from all coverings so it's called he says the reason it's named so is because in front of these Idols people would remove all their garments they would be beer and they would beer their private parts before it and relieve themselves they would defecate they would move their bowels in front of this Idol on top of this Idol vui say this was how it was worshiped quite an interesting way of worshiping your God you got to go to the bathroom this is the right place you do it on God on your God this is what Rashi says I I I apologized before I just this is what it was so I can understand different types of uh worship that people get addicted to they get involved in there's some hide there's some uh maybe numbing force or cing force or distraction what one would wonder what exactly first of all who came up with this idea that this is how you worship your deity somebody had to come up with this interesting idea and it so attracted the Jewish people what is so interesting about the Bal is it's not just mentioned here in para's B it's the one idolatry that is mentioned most in the T there's other mention you have the a you have the Bal throughout throughout the Tor you have men different AAS different idolatries that are mentioned but four times in five times INB inid itself midar the Bal is mentioned five times four times it's going to be in and numerous times in the books of the prophets in the books of the writings in the somehow this idolatry had some is some prominence to the point that the T really deals with it not only that as we move on in to just in a few weeks we're now in the 40th year in the desert m is soon going to pass away and the last book begins mha's final will and testament M's final presentation to the Jewish people during the last five weeks of his life it begins these are the words that M spoke and this continues till the end of the Torah till is passing if you take a look at your next Source speaks to the Jewish people and he says we dwell in the valley parallel to this home of P to the home of this Idol called p and he says and this is where his presentation is this is where his final speech is this is like the landmark M based part and then a few later this is chapter 4 of verse 45 here are all the laws that gave the Jews spoke to the Jews leaving after they left Egypt on the trans Jordan on the other side of the Jordan meaning on the Eastern side of the Jordan in the valley parallel to the home of the the land of who was the King of the amorites who lived in city called which and the Jewish people struck when they left Egypt because came to war against them so imagine M's final presentation to the Jewish people the whole the Torah gives a landmark you know where it was it was all M Bas if that's not enough we come to the passing of M the greatest Prophet whoever lived the chosen first chosen leader of the Jewish people to liberate us to mold us into a nation to give us the T to lead us all the way to the promised land and the end of the the end of the end of the whole this is the 34th chapter M passed away M the servant of Hashem passed away there we're in the land of by the mouth of God and he buried him where did M get buried May in the land of May that's in the area of Petra today Jordan on the Eastern side of the Jordan where B you want to know [clears throat] where M's where M's burial place parallel to B nobody knows where he's buried exactly even though the tah gives all these landmarks it's in the land of may it's [snorts] m that's true but we still don't know exactly where mha's burial places and one wonders what's this great of B it keeps on coming up again and again and again not only did the Jews become addicted to it but when M gives his final talk to the Jewish people to inspire them forever this is the talk that will become sa the final words of M to empower the Jews throughout their long history till the coming of Messiah and even afterwards The Landmark is we're sitting close to the base par and that's where his burial is as well let's see a story that the gamar tells about this quite enigmatic and intriguing and strange and bizarre and seemingly grotesque idolatry so your next source is Sanhedrin this isin page 64a again forgive me for the story I did not make up the story I would have not came up with the story this is a that theal written written around 1700 years ago to try to teach the Jewish people about what was going on the rabbis taught you have it also in the English right afterwards we have an English translation as okay actually the English translation is from a story nearby there's a few stories on that page so let's first do the let's first do the ew then we'll do the other story there's two stories here this is a story about a a man named Safta his father's name was alos sa he rented out his donkey to a to one Gentile woman she needed to travel somewhere this was the taxi of the time the Uber the lift of the time he needed transport ation so he rented his donkey he would ride it and he would give her a lift that's how people did it she would pay him money and he would transporter wherever she had to go they're traveling and they pass by the ashram or the monastery of the home with this PO Idol rra you know she's a pagan religious Gentile so she tells to him you know in Uber you can make a stop you make a stop it's not your final destination so she says we got to stop I'll pay you some extra money wait I'm going to go in do my thing worship the God here and then I'll come out we'll continue the journey she came out he says you know what you know what I'll also seize the opportunity to go in and come back out I'll also do it Z is Jew said aren't you Jewish Jews don't worship this way he says to my what do you care what are you mixing in what do you care so I'm Jewish why does it bother you if I'm going to show umage and honor to your God you should be happy n he went in he moved his bowels in front of the deity and then you'll forgive me he needed to clean himself so he used the nose of this deity to wipe himself he felt very good about himself because he really uh embarrassed this deity the priests were praising they said there was never a person who worshiped so skillfully this God he did it right finally finally they we had to learn from the Jews you know when the Jew out Gentiles the Gentile it's much when the Jew is like the Gentile he's better than the Gentile you he does it perfectly he does it with Jewish Precision he did it right nobody ever did it as well as this guy you see here another story also in the same garan saned a different style there was a gentile woman who was ill and she vowed if she recovers from her illness she's going to go and worship every Idol in the world cuz you know you don't know who saved you so she recovered and she went to worship every Idol in the world and she comes to the PO she asked the priests how do you do this they said you eat greens you drink beer and then one defecates before the idol she said I'd rather that I get sick again than do this or put it differently this is going to make me more sick than my original illness so that was her her reference all this just points out how bizarre and strange this Idol was to the point that here's a Jew who presumably you know wanted to embarrass it and denigrate it and humiliate it and nonetheless it turns out that they praised him that nobody ever did it as well as him in fact you know I just want to see to get in fact there's an amazing commentary from the villag gone and tells the Jewish people they shouldn't add onto any mitv and they shouldn't diminish from any Mitzvah and he says first don't add and then don't subtract and he says you see right afterwards you see what God did to the B and those who were involved in it what's the connection so the vagon says galic that some Jews thought we want to add onto the Mitzvah how go and embarrass and defecate and denigrate and humiliate the idol what's a greater way to add to your enthusiasm for it turns out that this was this was the man who considered who was considered to be the greatest worshipper of the B so say don't diminish oh don't add anything sometimes you think I'm going to add and I'm going to beautify and I'm going to make it better than the original it's like they tell a joke about a Jew who translated Romeo and Juliet into yish this was a Jew in wara before the second world war so he translated Shakespeare's play into yish so they say that he wrote on the title page Romeo and Juliet from William shakes Rosenberg Romeo and Juliet by Will sh William Shakespeare translated and enhanced by anle Rosenberg [snorts] so uh if there's a Rosenberg here it's your sixth cousin don't worry right so there's no need for enhancements but we want to now on to get to the to the Crux what was this Bal about it becomes so dominant besides everything else I mentioned if you take a look yua this is already a generation later this is yushua Chap 22 he says have we not suffered enough from this idolatry p b from which we have not cleansed ourselves from it till this very day and I want to ask you how hard is it to stay away from Bal I know different Temptations people have in lives but come on the contrast is also so Stark it's so dramatic in para's Bullock most of the para till we get to chapter is the the glory of the Jewish people like billum himself one of the greatest anti-semites who ever lived he can't get enough of praising the Jewish people like I'm trying to find the negativity the evil the darkness and the GU can't help himself M even words that we say every morning M we open up our daving with a fly from billum how good are your tents Jacob your Dwelling Places lines like a nation that rises and it has the resilience and strength of a lion I'm just I'm just uh giving examples of a few of his phrases he hasn't seen iniquity in yov because God is with them and the king is is best friends with them I mean all of these expressions and then at the end they become addicted to this Bal which is not only unintelligent but seems bizarre from any level on any level any perspective there's one very uh it's a humorous but it's also a sincere explanation it comes from the K I believe it'ses that I'm just saying as an intro and then I want to get into the Crux of the class the meat of the class and he says that it came about in a very interesting way and that is sometimes if a person is engrossed in a very very uh Transcendent experience they may not notice what happens to their body so he says the way it started off was that people reached very deep states of Transcendental Meditation to the point that they weren't noticing what was going on with their bodies so even if their bodies had to attend to its needs it was almost like inadvertent cuz they were completely in a spiritual trans metaphysical trance he says the new generation the children didn't realize what's happening so they thought that became the way of worshiping the idol and of course this is a commentary on things that happen in cultures where things may begin in one way but then people especially a younger generation doesn't realize what the intent was and they basically take the lowest part of it and that becomes the main thing and different things in different cultures including in our own where sometimes things happen you know as a product of a more sincere and deep attachment but then people don't know how to distinguish anymore between this and this today I want to present two interpretations to the deeper meaning of b one comes from a saer called is a work aidic work that was written by a man named of NAD he was a student of the maged of Mich the maged of Mis of course was the successor of the B the founder of theism the mag of M was a student and that's the name of his work of was his student he was born in T he was born 1740 and he passed away 1802 [clears throat] he says a very very powerful Insight that's one Insight that we're going to share H what do you ask the was a student a of the mag of Mich the maged of Mich he was born 1740 T and he passed away TK 1802 the M passed away in the 1770s 1772 but he passed away a few decades later cuz he was a student the second interpretation comes from another student of the mag of Mich known as the Bal the author of The Tanya and the of Le who was born 5 years later 1745 and passed away 1812 we'll soon see how the two interpretations connect and converge but they both discuss the deeper meaning of Balo I'll First share the commentary of the balatan is in his book and then we'll get to and he even though at the surface it seems like a pretty grotesque repulsive and disgusting way of worship and that's certainly true to the point that this woman would rather become ill go back to her illness then do it but there is like in everything there was a a perspective here a filthy perspective an idolatrous perspective but a perspective nonetheless what was the perspective they worshiped that which most people reject and don't want to look at the Refuge the excrement the dirt that the body evacuates this is not something one exposes this is something that we call a cover the house of Glory which mean it's a house of respect in Hebrew it's called the bet but the point is a place where people are private and here Not only was it not private it was glorified this is what you give to the deity this is the climax this is the Apex this is your god what everyone else rejects what the body Rejects and evacuates this is what we door this is actually what we do in front of our god this is how we worship Our God could you see a philosophy here huh the what is considered dirty and filthy in one culture in one environment or from one perspective is actually Divine it's sacred it's hollowed and it's holy I'm not going to be embarrassed on the contrary this is what I do in front of my God I don't close my eyes I don't pray I don't sing I don't dance I don't burn incense I don't prostrate myself I don't pour wine or sacrifice which is what they used to do some sacrifice people too in the in these Pagan Idols but this is exactly what I do as Rashi says I defate what what is this about the balatan explains for this we have to understand how the digestive process works and we all know this the digestive system of the human being is one of the most miraculous incredible systems that exist on our planet both for humans but of course for all living organisms that digest food I mean it's an incredible process of how the body knows how to take food break it apart this it becomes disintegrated the body has a PHD the moment you're born what's good for the blood what's not good for the blood what's good for which part part of the blood how to carry the right nutrients and oxygen to every single cell of the human body and digestion begins by the way the moment we put the food into our mouth already on the tongue the saliva of the tongue already begins the process of digestion it's very interesting already the saliva on the tongue starts the process it doesn't only start later and as we digest it as the food travels down the esophagus to food pipe that's called a vet and everything gets broken down the body identifies what's useful what's useless and useful itself there the sugar there's the fat and then there's the part which gets stored in its place and that's why some of us have a little extra fat just for a time of need and then of course the part that can get converted completely into the bloodstream and then the body decides there's certain aspects of the food I can't do anything with it so it's time to say goodbye and the body evacuates it it's so interesting I saw this in one of the works by RAB aigar Miller he writes you know all of the elements of digestion or happen involuntarily I don't know what most of us don't even it's happening right it's could be happening when we're asleep when we're doing other things we don't know that we eat hopefully we're eating the better foods and then the body does everything on its own it doesn't ask you doesn't need your consent this is part of the inner miraculous mechanisms of the body that we talk about in the after the B there's a Divine wisdom in every cell and system of the body Etc there's only one part of the digestive system that the body stops and waits for the person to decide when where and exactly how to do it and that is this process the process of evacuation and here you see how God honors the the human being till that process everything happens without my consent this if the last process would happen without my consent we all know what the consequences of that would be so here the human being has Mastery it's very fascinating so now the body Ides this has to be rejected because there's no use but we all know that's not the end of the process that's the end of the process from our body's perspective the nutrition continues the further excrement of most mammals becomes the best fertilizer that fertilizes the soil and in fact until you know the modern world when we started to build all the bathrooms etc etc this was true also with human beings as is is true with all the mammals that this continues so it may not work for the body but there's a lower level of life that gets nutrition from that which my body can't get nutrition and if you ever studied the interesting life of a dung beetle you ever read about dung beetles okay so I'll tell you a little bit about dung beetles and I don't mean to freak anybody out you could check this up on National Geographics or however you however who those of you who still use encyclopedia britanica you remember that A Relic yeah yeah you could check this up but it's fascinating dung beetles are these little tiny beetles and they eat dung that's why they're called dung beetles so what they it's quite interesting Hashem makes this world they find what they call a treasure what we would call pretty disgusting but for them it's a treasure right but how are they supposed to deal with it they need to store it away for the winter so they have food for a whole winter so they make it into round cakes [laughter] and then with their bodies they roll it literally like a ball like a baseball like a little mountain they literally Mish like a bull they roll it until they come to their storage place where they bury it and they have food for the whole winter and sometimes you see these dung beetles getting into Wars with each other you have these document they're getting into war what are they fighting about [laughter] they're fighting about this little ball of uh of excrement of dung so what one the body says this is garbage the dunk says this is not garbage this is my lifeline the body says no this is Refuge I don't need it the Earth says no this is going to fertilize me in fact one of the earliest Nobel prizes was given to a Jew a German Jew a chemist by the name of uh habber huh ever heard of him because in the early 1900s he developed together with a friend synthetic fertilizer at that time the human population was growing he lived in Germany Germany was hungry because they didn't have enough fertilizer to be able to produce all the produce and vegetation they needed to feed the world so he figured out how to manipulate nitrogen in order to create synthetic fertilization which is basically you know bread from the ear bread from the ear and it literally changed the world H I think his name was France France habber and today they credit this he won the Nobel Prize they credit him with probably the survival of maybe a third of civilization a third of humanity a few billion people because of this unique invention there's also another Dark Side to his life but that's not for today it's a very tragic story with Mr habber but in any case so this is the process of digestion this whole process doesn't begin here on Earth the process begins like everything in the spiritual world everything in the world comes from Divine energy everything everything we say in the morning everything is hashem's energy and the energy of everything comes from the sour of all the energy which is Hashem who is also the source of all life and all [snorts] love and all goodness and all all delight and all Bliss and the will of Hashem that something should exist that will translates into energy that will is an energy and that's why in everything there is pleasure in everything on in everything in the world there's something there's the pleasure one can find mind and so many different things in the world and endless things in the world because ultimately everything comes from the source of all pleasure but like the digestive system it depends which level in the chain I'm tuning in to the food just like I could take a piece of food which is absolutely nutritious and healthy I take this food and my body welcomes it you know when you eat something and you feel good after you ate it everybody knows the difference I can eat something something and 5 minutes later I feel like a piece of garbage cuz I ate garbage I put garbage into me so now I feel like the garbage cuz we are what we eat sometimes you eat something that's truly suitable for the body the body celebrates it it's almost like thanks you oh I feel good there's energy here there's a bliss here even that which the body cannot digest the body now evacuates but there's another creature maybe the dung beetle who celebrates it so this is exactly how the Divine energy evolves literally like a digestive system on every level on every level of reality there is the food that can get absorbed into the system and there's the food that has to be passed on and it can only be absorbed in a much lower level of Consciousness if you would give a person the diet of the dung beetle nobody would be able to live but for the dung beetle it works so it always depends where you are in the chain of existence those worlds and souls and creatures that are more sensitive so in order for them to experience their life force they have a more open a more revealed form of divine energy which they then absorb as the chain of existence evolves or devolves so now the energy which in one world was nutritious some of that energy it's called pyus what's pyus it's evacuated it's rejected it goes into another world and it feeds that world for the higher world it's like my body can't do anything with this this is not going to be to well for me for me to keep this in the body to keep the excrement in the body is is counterproductive it's a hazard for health at some point the body has to get rid of it you can't wait too long if we wait too long it's very dangerous but for the other creatures ah they celebrate this because on a different state of consciousness what is dirt or excrement on one level becomes nutritious on another level and we all know this in people's lives right it's even true with food some people are very very sensitive what other people enjoy they look at it and they're like I I'm going to vomit just looking at it I'm going to vomit other people I don't know they can eat a whole bag of potato chips and they move on and other people they're already after three pieces they're in they're already in a bad mood so it has to do with sensitivity I once read there was a couple that they got into health healthy eating they went to this nutritionist and he gave them this beautiful diet after a month of sticking to it they decided to celebrate in the old way so they went to a restaurant and they ate all the good old you know horrible Foods they came home and they couldn't sleep a whole night because of stomach aches so in the morning the guy called the nutritionist he says you know we got into your diet and now we ate the same Foods we used to eat and we're both sick he says well after a month of healthy eating your body at least is protesting in the past it didn't protest now at least you're sensitive enough to protest so it's always about where a person is what I can absorb what I can't absorb there's certain conversations that certain people works for them and other people when they're more sensitive they feel the toxicity of it I can't be part of this why because they're just more in tuned with energy they just need a deeper more real form of energy right there's different frequencies we can live on every person we live there's different vibrations in life we can tune into there's the vibration of love there's the vibration of empathy there's the vibration of compassion the vibration of bliss there's the vibration of guilt shame it's also a vibration there's also a music there but it's a very low it's a very small fre it's a very tiny frequency which frequency am I in you know am I into the frequency of fear of of guilt of Shame of desperation of resentment these are all frequencies but they're very very tiny they're very narrow very small frequencies so the balat says hashem's energy evolves in the higher world you have very powerful energy that energy is absorbed that becomes the state of consciousness of that reality how do you create a lower World which has a completely different perception of reality and the answer is the evacuation of the system the pus of the higher World which means the spiritual refug is that the word Refuge the spiritual Refuge of the higher World becomes the nutrition of the lower world and then it goes lower and lower and lower and lower until we have the Bliss and the pleasure in our world which can often be from things that are completely detached from their source of life in our world we have a concept where a person could fall in love or have a crush or become obsessed with mundane realities that are really empty and devoid in fact I can constantly distract myself with things that seem pleasure meble but they're devoid of real Divine meaningful content how does that happen that's what the pyus is that's what the Refuge is there's also pleasure there there's also something there but what level of it it's the lowest frequency of pleasure it's literally like the level of nutrition that these beetles need and that's what they use so when you compare different states of Consciousness in a higher place this is not even pleasurable it's like leave me alone and that's what happens in our world in a higher place of reality and this includes even if I'm living in this world but if I'm living in a higher reality certain things they're just not appealing they're not tempting they're not going to do anything for my system but when I'm in a more detached place when I'm not so connected with My Soul with my depth now things can be very very distracting and they can numb my pain and they become pleasurable so I always have to ask myself the pleasure that I'm now getting out of something is it a pleasure that's feeding my deepest Consciousness is it a pleasure that's feeding my soul is it a pleasure that's going to stay with me tomorrow and a week from now a year from now is it a pleasure that is bringing me closer to my truest self or is it a pleasure that's distracting me from who I am because I don't want to deal with my anxiety or with my pain or I'm just bored or I'm numb or I'm in different and I just need something exciting and distracting that's going to be the difference between something that's measurable that's reflecting Divine energy in a revealed way cuz that's the real only source of pleasure the only real source of pleasure is so anything that's tuned into that is real pleasure and eternal pleasure but then there's things they're also pleasurable they also come from Hashem but how they're like the excrement they're the refused they're the pus they still have something in them but wo on to me if that becomes the source of my nutrition the philosophy of Bal poer was exactly that they turned that into Holiness they made a philosophy of Hedonism of worshiping the most external gratifications that you can if something feels good right here right now that's reality of course it comes to spit a person it comes to bite me because it's a distraction from reality and when I sober up I'm going to need more and more and more and more and more it's incessant because essentially I'm not tuning into my lifeline I'm running away from my lifeline but this was a philosophy of Bal and it's very tempting at the surface why because it removes the need for any discipline it removes the need for any introspection for any inner work it just says take what is and celebrate it that is all there is to truth in the real process of life I have to always be able to distinguish this is an external pleasure this is a real pleasure this is an addiction this is a true Delight this is a this is a distraction from me and this is pursuing me this is bringing me closer to my soul this is taking me away from my soul that's always an I have to select the from the right the the nutritious part the good parts from the excrement I always have to make that it's called disentangle not get conf refused the Bal philosophy was no worship Theus take the Refuge worship it embrace it become addicted to it there's absolutely no need for any distinctions and therefore at the surface it's a very very permissive very promiscuous in many ways fun hedonistic life of course this is something that ultimately is disastrous because it's like a person eating what the what these beetles eat when a person eats that ultimately I'm going to get sick and the reason I'm going to get sick is because I'm I'm completely not in touch with who I am and what I need we come now to the and he says an amazing insight about life and this is what he teaches think about this you have a god a fake God but a God in their mind and what are you doing to him you're really giving him all the dirt people are defecating they're moving their bow or everything that people do in private places and they send it to the Cesspool you do it on this God and it's the student of the mag says there was a very deep philosophy and the philosophy is is be so humble that whatever comes on your head doesn't matter this seemed like a spiritual philosophy the spiritual philosophy was I am so selfless I have no ego so you could pour all your dirty water on me and everything else and it's fine I'm selfless essentially it was AAR it was idolatry I want to explain what he means here like everything we could take a look at the physical but we could see what is the message behind it just like in the first explanation it's the message that was behind it here there's a message very often one of the things people get used to in life is they become shatas for other people to pour their dirt onto them it even it can even sometimes be just ified as part of being religious as part of being spiritual oh I don't have an ego if I don't have an ego so fine let me become a doormat for others that's so some people become people's Pleasers what's people Pleasers it's a way of pleasing people and that's how I feel better about myself and sometimes people can justify it even in terms of Judaism and spirituality well I'm not a I'm not a stubborn who's this ego that I don't worship my ego so therefore I Surrender you want this it's fine you want this is fine you want this is fine why should I have a spine and an identity that smacks with hoiness with GAA with arrogance with I'm not confrontational sometimes it's even a very profound and helpful mechanism in life I never confront I just please I'm a people's pleaser I always surrender I'm Meek I'm frail sometimes I become the sadic in my class the sadic in my house the most obedient boy the most obedient girl the most obedient young man the most obedient young woman the most obedient wife and husband and everyone only has good things to say how obedient the level of kib aim that you have the that you have the commitment that you have you never make a peep you never complain you never lament you never this and it's amazing to grow up with such people CU they almost have no needs there's only one issue sometimes it comes from a very profound spiritual self and sometimes it's a devastating disease and wound where a person really does not feel that they have any selfworth they have absolutely no self value in a very deep place I'm not talking here about in an external place in fact there are situations where a child at a very young age or at a later age experiences so much emotional neglect or other forms of internal messages that teach this brain deep down you really have no value you have no there's no self but the self needs to survive so our coping mechanisms are very clever our brains are brilliant you think our digestive system is brilliant brilliant as brilliant as your digestive system is our coping mechanisms are far more brilliant than clever and they when they need they use religion and spirituality and God to justify complete emotional disability and that is I need value I need worth a person can't survive without some connection without some validation without somebody telling me I matter so somehow my brain learns that if I'm never confrontational if I become the sadic in my house the sadic in my class I will be the hero I will get my validation I will become a success story if I'm always obedient if I never offend anybody I'll finally have a place in society my selfworth is so damaged that I almost have to copy I don't know if anybody relates to this but probably there's one or two people who may relate to this I almost have to copy other people like oh this is how you say this is how you speak this is how you feel this is the right thing to say this is the right cuz I I can't trust self I don't know my instincts I don't know what my body is going through I don't know what my soul is going through I almost have to mimic like a parrot I watch what is appropriate behavior and then I learn what is appropriate behavior so that I don't stand out and this comes sometimes from a feeling that I am so weird I am so queasy I'm so strange I'm so creepy I'm so valueless whatever the term that we didn't turn internalized and sometimes it's completely not I would say usually it's not conscious usually this is unconscious and in reality what happens is I allow people to put their dirt on me their toxicity is now digested by me somebody reached out to me a few days ago it's a very very special person deals with a lot a lot of shame because of different mistakes they made in their life and I was talking to them and I said you know I want to tell you something about your life cuz I happen to know his story and so it's a pretty tragic story about things that were done to him as a kid and I told him other people's sickness and toxicity and poison they put into you you digested their poison now you internalized it as your own and that's where your shame is coming from it has nothing to do with you you're actually an amazing human being but other people's poison that they never dealt with they literally gave it to you as such a young person and now you really believe you internalize it as your own and you don't even distinguish anymore it's literally the sickness and toxic poison that exists in other people that they have not worked on they have not confronted for whatever reason and now it becomes yours and the worst thing is you're blaming yourself and sometimes people live their entire life based on this narrative this is the trajectory of I don't even know that there's anything else and this is the truth that when there's no real real self-love at the core a person can't make choices in life cuz there's nobody to trust there's no nobody to Value there's nobody to respect and this is something we're finding today tremendous amount of it like so the levels of anxiety that are so profound today and people are wondering where a lot of it is coming from you know all anxiety is an alarm clock anxiety is an alarm clock to wake me up to something that's wrong something that's bothering me something that's off anxiety is very painful but anxiety is not living in a vacuum it's something that it's saying there's a fire alarm there's a sound alarm saying there's a sniper there's a shooter there's a danger there is a message here that you're responding to your body is on high alert there's a reason your body is on high alert now I have to figure that out and I have to process it somatically and I have to be able to open myself up to my prefrontal cortex I could be able to be in a parasympathetic parasympathetic uh uh State and really allow my inner energy to come out but what's happening is I'm responding to something and so often I go through life and wrote so unaware of all these inner forces and all these inner voices that have hijacked the core but the truth is that the core of a person can't be abducted or tarnished we say in the morning the soul remains pure Divine infinite and nobody and nothing can destroy it or eliminate it or challenge its selfworth in fact the fact that the soul observes all of this and knows how painful it is and protests it is because the soul has not been destroyed if we could destroy a person at their there would be nobody to protest it the reason there is anxiety the reason there is pain is almost the soul saying something is wrong the body is saying something is off there's a self that is a witness to things that happen passively or act passively or or or actively willingly or unwillingly and the body and the mind and the Soul they're making a stand they're saying a statement oh now take a look who is the contrast to B who is the greatest contrast to this type of this fake humility and is real humility who is the most humble human being on Earth m say he was the most humble person living on the earth how did that humility Express itself he is the person who had the most dignity on Earth he's the person who also had the most self-respect on Earth he's the person who o lived in the greatest state of Holiness on Earth he never allowed his plug to be detached from the source of energy cuz what is humility by what does real humility does real humility and do toxic humility toxic humility is a humility that's coming from Brokenness it's really A coping mechanism in order to gain some fake honor and dignity which is a facade it's camouflaged as validation it's a way of not standing out it's a way of Not Making Waves I'm never going to tell you my opinion and then nobody will ever disagree with me isn't that great imagine being married to a spouse who never says their opinion so their wife could never disagree with them would you like that what about Mar mbas who never even feels what they feel so you could never disagree with them [laughter] well stay single right it's it's it's amazing what a better coping mechanism [laughter] I don't have an opinion I don't even feel that way I can't make trouble I can't make any waves I'm like the tadic of the generation I'm like an angel there's only one issue there's a Brokenness at the core of this person there's a fear and therefore there's also very profound anger and resentment and disassociation so it could look like humility but it's often toxic I just can't show up I don't know about me I don't believe in me I don't know me I don't have my light and by the way people who don't suffer from this or haven't learned a lot about it extensively or don't deal with people that don't understand anything of this I sometimes hear people knocking self-love sometimes I hear people getting up and say how self-love is so selfish and narcissistic like oh self-love selflove self-love you're busy loving yourself at the expense of the whole world but very often it's a terrible mistake self L is one of the is is the holiest love in the world what is real self-love It's really because who's the real self the real self is love the other like you love yourself if you hate self how do you know how to love the other that's why people who have real deep self-hate they don't know how to really love the other because it's just a way of of escaping from my own inner shame and guilt so yeah there's a self-love that can be very selfish and narcissistic but here we're talking about a humility that is not toxic a humility that is very very wholesome and that's the difference between is do whatever you want on me you could pour all the dirty filthy stuff right on my head and I'm supposed to be Godly so I don't even notice it I don't even feel it and I have proofs from books that great great sadim they don't feel all these things CU they don't have an ego so why not take all the dirt pour it right on me if I'm really connected to God if I'm a real deity if I'm really holy do it even more do it again do it again do it again it's almost like a person who never knows that to say no you ever met such a person [laughter] it's we never say no somebody once told me if you don't know how to say no you also don't know how to say yes because it means that every yes is not a yes it's just I'm frightened to say no so if I'm afraid to say no there's no boundaries even when I say yes it's not a yes because I'm not choosing the relationship I'm stuck in a relationship based on guilt and it's endless yeah only one excellent question excellent question question so what's the balance when do you tolerate someone else's dirt and poison and say this is what I have to deal with and when do you not tolerate it you said out of my system get out go find yourself somebody else excellent question so we look to M because he's the quintessential humble person M was far less tolerant of any spiritual and psychological poison than anybody else because he was so humble his humility expressed itself in the fact that because he was always connected to a source he knew exactly who he was and therefore his self was not an egotistical self it was a self that was a channel for truth it was a channel for Universal Consciousness it was a channel for divine Oneness it was a channel for hashem's love and authenticity you know we are all plugs when we're plugged in the electricity flows through us we don't own anything in this world there is the universal Consciousness called when I'm plugged into the source I'm a channel for that flow if I'm not plugged in now I have to create a counterfeit ego to compensate so if if I get up to give a class I could be plugged in and unplugged what does it look like when I'm unplugged anybody knows huh wow what a compliment she says she haven't hasn't seen it yet so I'll explain to you when I'm unplugged it's about me I have to get up I have to be good I have to be perfect I have to impress the people it's a lot of pressure [laughter] and you know nobody's ever perfect so there's always way you could find what was missing if I'm plugged in what am I I'm just a channel for for God's electricity I'll show up with the tools I was given to the best of my ability that's what real humility is humility is there's no pressure of me having to control manipulate exploit be Sly Be Clever because the eye doesn't exist outside of being a channel for the real eye and that's where real happiness can flow cuz that's the source of Happiness if I unplug myself now I have to become my own source of electricity so I have to become a God so now I have to invest my poor little ego with the qualities of divinity you know how hard that is you take this little ego that doesn't even exist right and try to make a puppet show and make believe that this little lifeless thing is God and exist and is perfect o do me a favor it's too much pressure I can't let go so M's humility allowed him to always remain connected to the source and a channel for the source and then ask what is my role right now at this moment he never accepted any poison or toxicity what he did do was he always had the courage to remain fully present with love and loyalty to the people he was dedicated to we talk about tolerance again there's tolerance that is Holy and there's tolerance that is damaging one of the promises gives I'm going to liberate you from what do c so the says I'm going to liberate you from tolerating Egypt I'm going to liberate you from cot you know what LOL means to tolerate to have patience isn't patience a good thing Depends for what if I'm having patience for someone's growth process if I'm having patience for somebody to come out of their closet of their prison of their constraints and if I'm having patience because I believe in the potentiality of somebody and I'm tuning in to where they are I'm trying to teach my child to ride a bike yeah and they're falling and they're falling again and they're falling again and they're falling and they get angry why can't you ride your bike that's just my nervous system reacted cuz I'm not in a space of centeredness of balance I'm not in a place of love that's the patience and the tolerance that comes from bringing out the best in people and understanding that there's a process and tuning into that process but when sa when patient when tolerance becomes now I tolerate disease dysfunction lies Horrors stupidity in the name of Holiness then I could never be redeemed the first prerequisite to leave Egypt is that I don't tolerate it anymore right when a community as long as a community tolerates child abuse domestic abuse abuse of women abuse of men abuse of children yeah abuse of of of a of aus abuse of the vulnerable abuse of people who can't Fender themselves if a community tolerates this in the name because we have saut yeah it's like what Israel did for 50 years tolerating terrorism it's the greatest mistakes in history the greatest mistakes in history are made when we tolerate evil when we tolerate toxicity when you're sick and tired of being sick and tired you'll be able to leave Egypt if you're talking about tolerance to a struggle someone is struggling tolerance of the P that people make mistakes and they need to grow and they need to learn their lessons and you want to be there for them to be able to help their light shine that's a tolerance that comes from a very deep place of love and attachment so that's why you have to ask yourself am I tolerating this from a place of wholeness or from a place of Brokenness if I'm in a place of guilt and shame it's going to create resentment it's like am I saying yes to you cuz I want to say yes or am I saying yes cuz I'm simply afraid of letting you down and saying no and I don't have boundaries you I remember I was once had to take a flight to South Africa or somewhere else a far country and I was going on the way going to the airport and somebody came to talk to me this is many many years ago I've learned my lesson and it was a very difficult story and a vulnerable story and they were very open they were open to me and and there was a voice in me saying you you have to go to the airport like you know tell them we'll make a Time coming back in a week or whatever it is we'll talk but I didn't I didn't I thought I still have time but but really what was happening is I didn't have the strength I didn't have the strength just to tell them no maybe I like the attention maybe there were other psychological reason you have to talk to my therapist exactly the underlying reasons but I just didn't and of course I came to the flight I came to the airport I missed a flight the next flight I don't think they had the next day so it was like two days later and this was a trip with a bunch of lectures so this whole lecture tour was really upended because I couldn't say no so I was trying to be this sadic you know say yeah yeah yeah you know but really really a lot of thousands of people you know were coming for lectures there was shabbaton there was programming it was a disaster and I was to blame I was to blame I was to blame because in the name of being kind it looked like kind but it wasn't really being kind it was not tuning in and not showing up to my responsibility at that moment which could be in a very respectful way you know I'm sorry this is not the right time I mean it's not like wasn't an issue of P it was issues about his life that he needed help with it could have waited so the same is true you know in so many other areas in life when I'm tolerating when I'm just being subservient and being it's a beautiful mid it's called mid compromise no marriage can be successful without compromise impossible who could live in a relationship without compromise you have to hear what the other person needs you have to know your own needs but there's a difference between compromise that's coming from a place of trust and attachment and connection and compromise that's coming from a place of Brokenness and really abuse and that's why you also have to know what I can't compromise on I cannot compromise if you'll ask me for the for you know in the name of friendship I Don't Want You to Breathe for an hour [laughter] it's a beautiful friendship I know it's just not going to work you're going to have a dead spouse that's what you want fine that's what some people want they want a dead spouse don't breathe for an hour you know guy tells his wife I never want you to go out with friends I never want you to go out with friends compromise why should you compromise you're not allow to have a friend when you're married there's nothing that you get from a girlfriend that you can't get from a man there's different relationships I don't want you talking to your sister ever again what what that's not compromise that's not tolerance there's something off here what else do what what's the next thing I should do I should stop eating I should stop drinking I should stop sleeping I should stop breathing I'm not talking about if the husband is trying to help his wife because there's a toxic connection and he's trying to help her get out of that I'm not talking about that I'm talking about two sisters who are close to each other and appreciate each other and enjoy each other but he wants a little more attention or whatever it is aot ofage it takes a lot of courage and that's the difference between M's humility and Bal Bal is come you know as they say inish do whatever you want on me I'm Godly I don't feel anything it's a beautiful I don't feel I don't have an ego if I don't have an ego yeah so I could be the toilet bow but there's something off about that what do you mean toilet ball you're a toilet ball forgive me forgive my expressions what do you mean you're a channel for God these words you know who am I and what do I think of myself and why am I making a big deal you're not Mak if I'm making a big deal of my ego then yeah I need help but if I'm making a big deal of the fact that at every moment I'm plugged into the source and there's love and light and truth that God wants to shine through me right now I need to take that seriously that's not arrogant on the contrary it's the greatest humility it's the humility that I'm a servant I'm a channel and if I need to pull out my plug in order to satisfy somebody who's in a dysfunctional place I won't even be able to be here for you it's very important also with parents and children parents give so much to their children but they have to be plugged in if a parent doesn't nurture their own spiritual and emotional needs they can't be there for the children the way their children need them to be cuz you have to be a person right there's that famous story in you know that old story during the war there was a mother who finally got food for herself and her children after days of starvation and she herself hasn't eaten a thing or she got whatever she had she gave to her kids so she locked herself up in the room take five minutes and she's eating and the kids are banging banging where are you we need you we need you what are you doing what are you doing she said what I'm doing is I'm giving you a mother I'm giving you a mother somebody says I'm a mother I don't have to eat I don't have to sleep I don't have to exercise which is aama I don't need anything I told you once after a lecture a woman came over to me and she said all my children are miserable how can I make them happy right straight out straight out she was an Israeli so it was like you know Americans it takes like you know 2 hours British it takes whatever but she was an Israeli so my kids are miserable how do I make them happy so I said I don't think you could make your kids happy I think you could make yourself happy [snorts] and you will radiate that and your kids will say wow it's nice to be around this woman people like to be around happy people everybody likes that so she looks at me she says me oh I gave up on myself I gave up on myself I've been Miser for 30 years so I told her I don't know how to say this nicely but that's what you're going to teach your children you're going to teach your children to worry about their kids being happy and then they will teach their children that they need to think about their kids being happy and then somebody is going to ask the question who is this all for you know where does the buck stop which generation is allow to be happy [laughter] which Generation all to be happy I'm not allow to be happy my kids need to be happy my kids are not all to be their kids when when are you allowed to be happy Redemptive Consciousness g means that ability to be able to embrace with glory and respect and honor that you are a humble channel for God and therefore the eye is nothing but the eye is everything in is called which breeds means complete complete humility I'm a complete Channel but that creates the deepest form of confidence and strength it's not confrontational confidence where I have to I don't I'm not going to be disagree with people in order to fight these are people who don't have defense mechanisms you could talk to attacked him and said you made up this whole thing you think you're holier than everybody else the first thing he did is he fell on his face before he said a word that's he didn't punch in the nose first thing is he fell down on his face he had to be introspective I'm I going to respond from a place of arrogance or I respond from a place of humility so now now we understand Bal and are literally two contrast Bal looks very holy I never say no I'm a sadic I'm subservient I don't even have a self make me as dirty as you want give me all your poison it's fine I don't exist I'm B but woe to the anger that's going to come out from this person's unconscious self there's a lot a lot of anger it's a lot a lot of pain it just my coping mechanism became this and it's a very powerful coping mechanism because it works in our society everybody could look at me and say you'll never find such a B in the world you'll never find such a holy person in the world but really this person shut down this person really shut down it's very sad it's hard to distinguish mosa didn't shut down in his humility mosa was more humble than everybody else but he was more powerful than everybody else cuz he was more humble he's the one who stood up to par he didn't say oh I'm a humble guy you know par is this big guy and he's my step-grandfather too I should have a little respect people don't realize was a little respect respect for what respect for somebody throwing in children to a river that's what humility means that I tolerate somebody throwing in children to a river if that's what humility is wo onto humility if that's what tolerance means there no respect for truth yeah look what happened by the the the the assassination attempt on Donald Trump what happened the Secret Service were told right these videos today there's a guy on the roof with a gun you would think this is what you trained for 50 years no we'll wait till he kills we'll wait till he kills so he killed we'll wait till he shoots what happens when you live in an environment where truth doesn't matter anymore so there's no parameters There's No Boundaries day is night night is day isss is the once said we say in literally it means you know external Grace is false and external beauty is vain so the said there's going to come a time in history where she is going to be called and heav is going to be called Yi lies are going to be called graceful and vanity is going to be called beautiful becomes he becomes and the reason is because the Genesis the Genesis of wisdom is the fear of God what does that mean if there's no respect for God means there's no respect for truth truth means there's something called truth you don't want to call it God don't call it God call it universal truth but there's a higher truth that I don't deside based on my moods but the moment you get rid of that even biology is not dedicated to truth anymore science physics facts don't mean anything facts don't mean anything somebody told me yesterday that Trump set this all up [laughter] he said it's obvious that's Trump set this up in order to win the elections an intellig person an intelligent person probably has a PHD too that's why I'm not getting my PhD I don't know if he has a PHD I'm just my my what's my point my point is the moment there's no year hem this is not this is not do no by the way with republican or democrat rightwing or left wing nothing to do with it this has to do the moment there's no year hasem there's no you become cucko stupid huh what you say you agree with me this is true I think it's true I mean that's how I see it so the same is true you talk about humility humility is amazing as what as a channel for truth but if my humility becomes a cover up for lies and if my humility a cover up because I because I I'm broken which is the greatest lie in the world that you're broken and valueless and insignificant and full of Shame and full of dirt you see what's the real truth of Baler is this if the inner you'll forgive me for my language if the excrement is inside of me I don't get affected if you pour a little more on me cuz it has where to go cuz it's already inside of me if I feel my Purity then I say no no no no this doesn't belong to me you know you know you're dressed up for a or another occasion shabas yam from wearing a beautiful suit to whatever it is and somebody comes you know with orange juice or chocolate mousse ice cream to pour it on me I'm like but if I'm in the mud you know I went on a hike and it's pouring rain and I fell into a ditch and I'm already muddy now you pour some more mud gra bring it on you need a carbon I'll be the carbon it's true psychologically subconsciously even more than conscious ious L if that dirt sits in me because it's already inside of me bring it on I'm comfortable with the feeling one of the most painful things I heard from somebody he lives in Brooklyn it's hard for me to say this the reason I say these things is even though somebody always gets upset for me saying it is because there's somebody who hears it and it saves their life that's why I say it and I'm not exaggerating somebody told me they were molested by four people by a brother and by the gab and and by a family friend and by another relative an uncle four people over six seven years this guy is a diamond of a person I know him I know him well a diamond of a person I'm telling you but internally a broken man and he told me I said so I him once and he did a lot of work a lot of work and I said what did this do to your inner template and he told me he said Jacobson what I did was I came to belief at the core that for me to serve a purpose in this world I need to become Avail make myself available for anyone who needs to do these things that's who needs to anyone who needs to fulfill their horrific desires I need to make myself avail and that's how I will fulfill my purpose in the world he says that's my template that's how I will become a good person that's how I will have value that's what he was taught about his value so you understand how deep this is so now when dirt is poured on this person oh it belongs here how do I teach a child to have that inner sensitivity you're pure this is poison it doesn't belong to you this is alien tell your mother tell your father this doesn't belong to you and to tell that to myself this does not belong to me you're not filthy this poison F [screaming] put it somewhere else that's the difference between B M's humility was a Divine humility so humility that glorifies the power of the Holiness in every person the Bal is the exact opposite they both can use the words humility but they mean totally opposite things and we all know psychologically it's a completely different frequency [snorts] so now to conclude let's see the last Source this is a teaching from the B K and he articulates this in the most most clear way and he says as follows second to the last parag sometimes the excessive humility of a person distances him from Hashem really because of his sense of humbleness he doesn't believe that he creates anything in this world he doesn't believe that his prayer his T brings a flow into the world he doesn't realize that he's plugged in he's a Channel of electricity you're a channel you bring shef means flow all the Angels which means all the spiritual energies are fed from your tah from your prayer from your being from your life if a person would really believe this integrated man would serve person would serve god with with Ecstasy with awe he would be cautious and respect every word that comes out of his mouth and every T every motion the person would be have the self-respect a word is a word you not a nobody you're not a stick garnish you're not a piece of garbage you're not dung if God lay between the lips so says Hashem stands near my lips waiting to kiss the beautiful words that come out of my mouth you know how a mother watches her baby say the first word or turn over the first time you remember and you have a diary and you write it down yeah January 16 at 1:00 yeah Sor turned over you remember once you hit uh yeah I think once they hit six or seven those Diaries are gone yeah yeah pictures any [laughter] [gasps] right so so so God God is standing by the mouth wow what a word he's standing there to kiss the words that come out of a person's mouth when it's done with awe and love who then will not be overtaken with awe and reverence and respect that the infinite God actually cares about the words that are coming from a physical physical mortal small human being now says one of the most incredible insights we're coming now to the soon to the three weeks the gar says in a very famous story that did something and it caused the destruction what happened Kam you remember the story of kamsa he went to the Roman Emperor he said the Jews were re belled against you he gave him a calf to offer in the and this man made a blemish in the eye so that the sages would not be able to sacrifice it they said we have to sacrifice it because it's the Roman Emperor sent it said you're not allowed why because people will think you're allowed to sacrifice a blemished animals they said so we have to kill this man cuz he's a muser he's going back to Rome he said you're not allowed to cuz they're going to say if somebody blemishes an animal you kill them so they left him alive they didn't sacrifice the animal in the base ofik and he went back to Rome and he said the Jews Rebel they wouldn't even offer your offering so the gar says the humility destroy theik so say what does this mean the humility of destroys theik and he says humility can destroy aikes that's the humility of why what's a is a place where the dwells think about the inner bikes my humility can destroy my bik I look at my body and I say you're not a bik you're a piece of fil garbage stuff yourself with some other stuff I don't look at myself as a the wants to dwell in me and through me and I'm a channel that's healthy humility this is humility that creates a so what rebuilds the bikes the opposite of this humility what's the antithesis of this humility says a person ought to internalize the truth you are a ladder etched on the ground and the top of the ladder reaches Heaven that's a person I'm a ladder sometimes you feel very Eary you know why cuz your ladder is on the ground sometimes you feel closer to heaven cuz the ladder reaches heaven sometimes I don't know where I am am I in heaven am I in purgatory cuz you're a ladder you're everywhere we take our mood so seriously and we say now I'm in purgatory now I'm in heaven I'm a sugar I'm a split personality I'm dirty I'm clean you're a ladder you are the interlacing link between Heaven and Earth that's a person and that's why I can go to the highest places I can go to the lowest places but that's why I could connect the highest places to the lowest places all the Motions of a person the involvements of a person the words even the walking of a person it has an impact it has an impact on the world if a person thinks who do you think I am not garnished I'm just a depressed loser leave me alone what I do doesn't make a difference what I say doesn't make a difference just pass the Danish you know or whatever my Danish looks like this doesn't bring out the best in people this makes people frivolous then nothing matters but it's not true a person in his or her holy acts is completely one with God my empathy here my empathy on myself or on others here creates a explosion of empathy in all the worlds it says in know what is above you literally it means this is the ethics of the father's chapter 2 know what is above you the says whatever happens above comes from you [snorts] you don't want to know what's happening above just look at yourself because since you're the ladder that connects Heaven and Earth you're the rope that connects the highest to the lowest so he says look into your own heart whatever Mida what I am radiating right now that is what's happening it comes from you this is not to impose guilt and shame on a person this is for a person to understand that victimhood is simply not the real Narrative of the human being the story of a human being is infinite largess I have to work through all of my parts so now we come back in conclusion now we can appreciate what happens there the Jewish people become addicted to Bal there's something in Bal that is very enticing four times in five times inid the most popular of M is buried M he speaks in front of the Bal why because Bal represents one of the most powerful forces that Judaism came to the world to constantly teach us to be cautious against number one a form of religiosity spirituality humility that is poisonous that is toxic that tolerates abuse and lies and stupidity and pettiness a a form of Brokenness which breeds the sense of subservience where a person does not respect not their boundaries not their dignity not their honor not their soul not their body it allows my humility to destroy my is the one who gets it most he's buried M basar cuz he is the contrast to that mha is the ultimate humil but it's humility rooted in Divine Infinity it's humility rooted in real kindness It's humility rooted in a person's true power as an evem that's what kindness is that's what love is not love coming out of guilt because I'm afraid to say no it's love coming out of my openness There's real attachment here it's not I say yes and I resent you for the next 3 weeks cuz you forc me to say yes and then there is the balatan idea and it's really one idea because when I don't know who I am then I look at this pus I look at this refuge and this is what I come to worship these types of Pleasures I what I come to worship the reason I'm going to all these distractive Pleasures is because I simply don't know who I am I'm full of Shame I'm full of inner inner shame so therefore this is what I allow myself to get this this is what I think I deserve this is the only thing I think can help me numb my pain so the two interpretations are really so deeply connected so when mha is speaking to the Jewish people he's speaking to them mo base part by the base part because he says this is the contrast in life at every moment either I'm going to be seeking distraction or seeking attachment seeking authenticity or running away to inauthenticity numbing my pain or healing my pain by connecting to something real that's a choice in every relationship in every conversation every day I make that choice b or of course this conversation is in front of B Bal there's going to be Pleasures in excrement there is everybody knows it somehow in my mind the cheesecake is still more delicious than kale I wish I can get over it if the cheesecake would speak it would say the truth poison kale would say I'm good but the cheesecake somehow has this whole presentation it's a choice I need to make every day between what looks good and attractive but it's going to be numbing it's going to disassociate me it's going to disconnect me or that which will bring me to trer nutrition physically psychologically emotionally and spiritually it all comes from how I see my internal self so the two interpretations of the are really the same interpretation what part of yourself do you see and therefore what part of the world do you Embrace and that's why yua says we still haven't cleansed oursel from it because the challenge of B is really the challenge of Life at every moment to be able to choose between the life force and everything in the world and the pyas the refug that ultimately doesn't have any real real substance and real identity and its whole purpose is really just to stimulate a deeper relationship have a wonderful week next week There's a class by hasem Tuesday 9:30 a.m. it's a fast day I don't know is that fine or we shouldn't have it huh we should have it okay everybody have a beautiful week thank you for coming did I answer your question thank you I want to give a special maff to Mrs new house on the birth of a granddaughter SAR Esther