The Lost Art of Living: Our Key to Success in Life - Rabbi Efraim Stauber

[Music] okay in this segment I want to deal with a question because you could wonder if this is so intuitive and someone seek them and so natural like yeah we avoid pain and we're attracted to pleasure so why do we have to make open deal about it why are we getting so conscious about it why doesn't it happen automatically I've arrows disappoint us mitzvahs you know satisfy us so what's the big deal why is it happening by itself and there's a number of ranches but I think a very very powerful answer that's something that we need to focus on in our generation I want to draw your attention to the work of Bernie Brown very very famous psychologist she's got TED Talks and she has books brené Brown very very worthwhile learning what she has to teach and just to try to kill it by saying very very quick like her basic basic ideas is that we are a generation of people who are afraid to live life in the sense of relationships if you want to connect to someone have an intimate real meaningful relationship so that's going to demand a certain degree of vulnerability taking down your fences your defenses and bring real and that's scary because you know we feel like we're not good enough we're not worthy of being loved and all of our insecurities surface so it's much easier to put up a little wall let's see I'm good mm-hmm yeah how you doing I'm fine you know so not to have such deep relation just because it's scary we're relation we are a generation of people who are fantastic at distracting ourselves our personal lives and our relationships can cause us pain but we don't want to feel those pain we're the most drugged up nation whether it be drugs whether it be alcohol whether it be workaholics or whether it just be distracting ourselves with entertainment we don't live and engage with life and what she calls in a wholehearted way because of the pain that we suffered and because of perhaps a lack of courage which he says the greatest way to measure courage is how vulnerable are we able to get how open how feeling how authentic are we able to feel our own lives and interactions relations with people when you plug that into what's going on with a virus and Mitzvahs there's the same thing happens you know we think about man I messed up and we go you know do the old thighslapper ah you know that one ah I like old old school ah right right and then we move on oh yeah tomorrow's other day know the way to do Chu uh in order for this to work is don't say ah whatever never mind tomorrow's another day sit with it learn how to be mindful learned how to be present with the life that we actually are living if we would just pay attention to it the reason why it doesn't happen automatically it's cuz we don't pay attention to our life I have words in a smart man say we are the distracted generation that's the way to describe us oh one sec I think getting a phone call sees no joke huh okay maybe not getting a phone call you're getting a ping or whatsapp notification you know something's beeping all over the place we can't focus for more than a second and especially on painful things so when we think about our various to sit with a feeling of pain of regret is a very very rare skill now in this cobbler that I've been talking about we have a free version and a paid version the reason why I don't mind telling all my stuff for free I'm happy to give it to all my free I'll send you all the charts I explain it all to you but I want to tell you the secret if you actually want to succeed it won't be enough to understand anything I'm telling you understanding theory philosophy does not create change but all exist in the conscious mind you're actually gonna have to spend time feeling stuff and that's actually kind of hard for people and that's why I have a paid version if you want to go pro you could join our you know that you can actually buy the seminar and what we're doing there is actually sitting with people training them slowing them down to learn how this is the core skill there's other things we're doing but the core skill is learn how to sit with regret and pain and learn how to sit with pleasure with satisfaction because even though you understand this you may not have the time to do it you may not be sure how to do it and that's the crucial part if you can do this by yourself fantastic I'm happy to send you all my sheets and charts and everything and explain it all to you if you can do it great but if you want a little help you want to join and get guidance of course join our our Jabara send a email to the Terry Center Jimmy calm I'll send a link to the site that hosts it and join us [Music] [Applause]