The “Good Husband” Trap

I'm going to be very vulnerable now. In the past, if I would see my wife stressed or my children stressed, you know what that meant for me? It meant that I was a bad husband and a bad father. It meant that I was not doing what I was supposed to do. So, of course, I got angry. It was like an insult to me. My children or my wife being stressed or being overwhelmed or being anxious meant that Y Y Jacobson was a failure. And who was I angry at? I was angry at the people who are showing me that I'm a failure. Like if you could just be happy, I'll be a success story. So, what did I do? I disassociated a little. I disconnected a little bit. Because of my own inner shame, I was interpreting my children's reactions or my wife's experiences to my own horrible shame. So, I was blaming her for no reason. I was blaming myself for no reason. And what happened? The marriage The marriage suffers. For this, we need men to be able to show up without becoming little children because they think their wives are their mothers who are supposed to always be happy in their presence. What's wrong if your wife is having a hard day? Is like that forbidden? I'm talking to myself now, but also to my male companions.