The Case for Children - Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch

[Music] welcome to the show my name is rabbi daniel shaumbra your host today we have with us once again rabbi simcha Weinstein the rabbi of pratt institute in brooklyn new york rabbi welcome to shogun it's great to be here yeah you know you've written many books on different topics and Judaism you wrote one book called the case for children about the importance of having children tell us about the book I wrote that book because i read a cover story in The New York Times called no babies and the premise of the of the cover story was that never before has birth rates fallen so far so fast and in so many places perhaps the most endangered species on earth is no longer the polar bear or the Panda for people and I found this article horrifying and Millennials don't seem to have the same birth rates as previous generation and it was something that really inspired me and motivated me to to write the book it's such a big issue today people are talking about their own lives but it's harder for them to talk about helping other life's grow is that part of the trends that you're seeing as well self-centeredness as opposed to having more children I think people are staying in some of the reasons are justifiable and I think very logical people are staying in school later on longer if you want to make partner you really have to get that master's degree and get that PhD and things get pushed off students are graduating with more debt than ever before and I think women today have just as much debt as the men and I think we're all pushed to enter that rat race and even if you win you're still a rat and I think things just get sort of pushed off it becomes an afterthought and it's I think more difficult to settle down the older one gets will become fixed will become very connected to our own system and our own to the creature comforts and who has time to approach the slower when you're busy soul cycling on your own stroller now so despite that rat race going on today you believe people should still consider having more children why I think children give you meaning I don't necessarily think children make you more happy in fact there are studies the show children make you less happier but I would argue that there's a difference between instant gratification and a long-term richness and happiness you know when you go to a Duane Reade or rite aid pharmacy you know as as one checks out they sell I think cigarettes Hershey bars and the National Enquirer and People magazine if you go in the back that's where you'll find the antibiotics I think it's easier to chase instant gratification as opposed to something more longer something more richer you know my iphone has an incredible array of apps but I don't think even Apple has been able to design an app that can replicate the feeling I have when I hold my children in my hand when we play in the park so in your book what do you talk about in terms of encouraging people to have children what advice you give them ideal very practical I deal with the cost of children I don't think children are as expensive I deal with one of the biggest arguments against children believe it or not is actually an environmental argument people talk about rabbi why do you want to bring another little polluter into the world isn't the ozone layer depleted enough however I would argue that big families actually leave a much smaller carbon footprint actually it's the same pot of pasta being boiled for my fix in my family as perhaps a single person we're all listening to the same radio we're all sitting in the same car so I think actually from an environmental perspective children are actually have many benefits i also believe from a financial perspective people say that perhaps we can't afford to have children i would say society as a whole can't afford not to have children i'll give you a practical example from macro perspective that Social Security is predicated on more people paying in than paying out right now that's changing the metrics are changing and we need an ever growing work force you know people say that this season you 40 and this can't go on forever we really Europe is imploding in fact it's shrinking and I think that without a next generation of consumers and workers I think it's going to be very tough to sustain a global economy mm-hmm well that message seems to work for many women let's say that inherently would like to have more children what do you say the men that may find it may funny little hard to have children yeah I think today's met a little self-obsessed they spend several billion hours of Europe playing video games you know the last time I side here we spoke about my book on superheroes I've been to comic book conventions I've seen grown men having a light saber Wars in the lobby of hotels I call today's man manchild I you know the frat house culture seems to have extended past college age I know Manhattan has laws that advertised spring break sixty-two weeks of the year and however I would argue after having children and I'll give you one example I don't do homework with my kid because it's good for my kids I actually do homework with my kids because it's good for me it teaches me to be selfless they teaches me service it gives me gives me meaning it gives me joy it gives me happiness and really it gives me absolute transcendence so we can actually grow more with our children in other words they don't take away from us children add to our lives many different ways I think they they add tremendously I think that being able to see the world through their eyes is exciting is motivating it gives me a tremendous meaning you know as a Brit from England I have a love of soccer and it's something that I've actually kind of passed down to my boys in my family and it's something to see it through their eyes is very beautiful and certainly to live the Jewish life I think he's very intrinsically connected to family to rites of passage my son recently celebrated a Bar Mitzvah and to watch him make that transition from boy to man was something that will stay with me forever did you come from a big family or a small family I have one sibling so the small family and blend are you have a larger family right now what's that light coming from a smaller family confronting a larger family it's challenging but I do believe as you have more children division of scale kicks in where the older ones start to pitch in with the younger ones so really I have four but I would say it's more like three and a half because the older ones start to help occasionally so what happens at your shabbos table with your kids what type of enjoyment you experience that you wouldn't experience alone so much i would say but i think you'd write unique because being on a college campus so my children are exposed to many different viewpoints political cultural and I think they've been able to elevate the shabbos table and I think that students themselves don't always get to be around the family in fact one of the things that I think a college campus lacks is children and when I walk around the canvas with my kids I see the excitement in the students people excited to see your children yeah I could be it's almost like I'm walking with an endangered species I've seen a child before may I see the professor is running out and they're screaming rabbi the baby the bed and I realized I probably never seen a big and they probably wish they had a baby on right all right and also I found that academia is very anti family I think they see children as a limitation I think there's a pressure on women not to have children within academia and I think unfortunately that they're really missing out on something very beautiful that you're experiencing now with your own family and you share that at every Shabbat table with your community right and I think that if the children actually are one of the most powerful tools in my rabbinical osmo i know that when they see children Gavin Inge and making blessings I think coming from the rabbi you know booked at is a bit of an authority figure when they see children intrinsically singing and daven even having a joy and a love of Judaism I think it's very infectious for my students so there's some people out there that may not consider having children they may be concerned about the finances they may be concerned that they lose their independence what would be your final message tonight to those people kind of sitting on and not knowing what to do what you said to them I think that to not have children I think you're missing out on one of life's greatest gifts as they say if I knew how much fun grandchildren was I would have had them much earlier I think the joke is and I think that one would like to leave a legacy when you look back on the totality of your life to know that there is a legacy the inter continuation you know there's a famous story told in the town was there is seeds being planted by an elderly man he's planting these seeds and he's accosted and asked you know you're an old man you're not going to see the fruits of these trees and he says I may not see them for my children and my grandchildren will see them and to leave a legacy i think is to leave a life it's very powerful well thank you so much night for being our guest and giving such an incredible message sir audience if people want to read about your book the cage for children how they get the book under my bed I have many copies the trunk of my car any good book store the book he's on Amazon my website rabbi Simcoe calm and I would love people to read it and really take part in the dialogue and the journey they were wonderful guest tonight would you come back another time in the future I'm happy to come back next week thanks so much for coming well that wraps up another show of family matters my name is rabbi daniel Shumba see you next week on our new segment you