Tell Me What You Want, What You Really Want - Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch

[Music] when people come for marriage counseling often they tell me that they give their spouse something but their spouse doesn't like it I had one person that told me a true story that every year she bought her husband of sweater but the husband never told her that he didn't like sweaters he wanted something else perhaps a watch but not a sweater so people think that you can give something to someone over and over again but never ask them what they really want perhaps as a misunderstanding of what love is in Hebrew the word for love is ahava and the short route of ahava is hub to give giving is extremely important but there's something greater than aza it's called kavod kavod means you honor a person what is honoring somebody mean honoring means I first interested to know what you really want what's really important to you I can tell you stories than with hundreds of couples from around the world I've met couples have been married for many many years and they're constantly fighting with one another but one person thinks that the other person wants to be loved in a certain way well they never ask the other person in what ways do you want to be loved you know what they're missing the missing kavod the missing honor and there's a saying all you need is love I want to change the saying the real thing should be all you need is kavod all you need is honor for somebody so it's very important in a marriage and in all relationships first find out what a person wants first find out what a person means when you know what they really want and you know what they really need then you could give them true love then you can give them true ova welcome to this new series of these abrufe called marriage matters my name is rabbi daniel shoma and I'm a licensed and family therapist based in New York and around the world the effect on this important series i will be answering your questions you have about marriage relationships dating parenting and about any issue during a family relationship but more than what I have to say I want to hear what you have to say so please email to this address and send in your questions and I'll try to answer as many questions on the seashell