Sukkot 2026: Why Trying to Control Everything Is Stealing Your Joy - Charlie Harary

We're we're in a very unique period of time and it's it's it's it's really a crossroads and if we understand it properly we can go in with the pashkafa that could allow us to tap into what's available to us and I think if we don't we may miss an opportunity. This happens a lot of times in life when you're younger especially but even when you get older where when you're younger it's clearer because they're gearing you up. You do something and you fail and your mom, your dad, your teacher, your friend will say, "By the way, I know you failed, but you see what happened. You know, you should have thought about the fin. At least I'll give you my example. My parents here like you should have thought about studying for a final maybe before the night before the final. That may have done well for you. And then had you thought about it maybe 48 hours you could have had a chance of doing better. It's a lesson. And hopefully the next time you take a final, you you spend more time. And then as you get older, Hashem does the same thing, but we have to see it. This happens sometimes in our lives where people will come to us, we'll have an issue, and then someone will come to us and then we'll give advice and it will be the exact same issue that we're grappling with except for you can't tell it to yourself because you're so biased to the Aisha because he loves you says, "You know what? I'm going to send somebody has the same issue as you." You see? Or if you're really attuned, you will see it everywhere. You'll walk the streets and you'll see this happening and then all of a sudden like but if you miss it the whole thing was what was it for? Like if you failed at the final and you learn that you have to study and then you start applying it in your life the failure was worth it. This is the very beginning with with the rub. The rabbi always speaks about this. It was worth it. You know why? Cuz you got better. Hashem only wants you to get better. So you fail. But if you fail and then you your parents tell you that and then you don't learn it, what was the point? It's just going to maintain the thing. And if even if you win and in the win you don't look back at the lesson so that you don't know how to be successful into the future then the win was wasn't even worth it. Winning and losing in life failing and succeeding is only valuable if it gives you lessons to make you better in life. So many ways the postgame is more valuable than the game itself. And for those who like sports you know this is exactly how a coach would think. A coach would look at a game and go, "Okay, win, loss, trophies, who cares?" I want to be the best that I can be. A player would always say, "I want to be the best that I can be." So, it's not about what I did, it's about what I learned. And in many ways, that's how Hashem sees the world. When you speak the sadikim, they're always about this. They're all, okay, you failed. Okay. Get up again. It happens. But what about the fact that I sinned? Made you human. He wants you to get up. But if you don't learn from it, which is why this could be one of the most important times of the year because you just went through L. You went through the period of time that is the most important period of time of your whole year. You went through L and then Rashana then Machua Shab Yum Kipper. You add Yom Kipper. We're really in the moment where if you don't get what we just did, then what was the point of doing it? If it was just to get through it, needs you to get through it. And in many ways, I hope I can deliver in many ways words in many ways. Sukus is the proof that you got the past 40 days. If you want to see if you got 40 days worth, if you want to see that you got [clears throat] rashipper, if you want to check to see how much it impacted you, if you did it for yourself to be done because there was a guilt on top of you because everyone does it. I want a good year. And now you're putter. There's a sense of like we say like after the first bagel really sets in once kipper of thank god I don't want to do this for another year. There's that feeling. Then there's the wait I'm never going I'm never going to be the same guy when I show up to Hashem next level he can't look at the same guy that's the difference how do you know you want to know look at a thermometer thermometer is sukus sukus will tell you how you did in the past 40 days how well let's talk about it okay let's go back to the beginning the year actually doesn't begin in believe it or Not according to the na shalom the year begins in a the shalom says when does the year begin properly the year begins of tishab tishov is an incredible day if you can picture it even if you just picture the concept of it you get to the end of the year you have to bring the gula the goal of a yid is not to live apart from hashem the goal of the year is to unify with hashem you're trying to every our whole goal goal in life is only one little piece of bringing us back to Hashem. That's why they make all these and they say they're always trying to connect to do that. The Jewish people are trying to connect back to Hashem. How do you know? Because when we sit in D most important day, what's our whole additions? If you look at all the additions in Davening all the is what bring come to the world more come. We're trying to bring Hashem into this world. How do you know you failed at your you know when you sit on the floor and they say so every year when you get to tish you know you failed you you you had a year to bring you were supposed to we were supposed to we're supposed to be the generation finally able to get to a level where we can live the words that we're saying right we're we want to be that year we that's winning ink winning is hashem winning is not to get more money winning is not to have more success winning is the world says anal. How do I know that I won? I can see I get to tish and when I get to tishabove I look around and it's didn't come. So what do I do? We mourn. It's a it's a loss and you mourn losses. So you sit on the floor and you say and you and you cry. And then the shalom says you get up byos because katos is the beginning of the next year. It's the rashash shana, he says, of rashash shana. If if you can picture it, a seed goes into the ground, it shakes, and as the seed's under the ground, the shell comes off. That's the ultimate loss because now the seed is zero. At least it was a a scent. It fell into the ground. It was something. It was a seed. You can you can pass it. Now it's nothing. The second it falls off into the ground, it becomes zero. That's the mourning process. Now we're nothing. But you know, a seed is worth very little. But once the shell comes off, it releases an energy that now can bring a tree. So the end is actually the beginning. So the second that it's over, which is the second before and you get to that piece and night and then what happens is you start again. And then you go through a process where you have rash shana of rash shana and we go through a whole process now for 40 days. It's supposed to end at right. We're supposed to end at rash. It's called butal through all their ways got us to yum kiper. Whatever it is who created a yum kipper. And now we know that the den is over. So remember it's going to play out. But the din the judgment that's we say when it's over we close. That's why they ba. There's an opinion you so to speak goes back up to Shah Shim because he was down whatever you get to the end of Yum Kipur and that period of time is sealed. So something is taking place during this period of time that starts by the time you stand up and it lasts all the way into Yum Kipur and there's something that Hashem is trying to get us to be that will translate for the rest of the year and hopefully bring the gula. So we went through this period of time but what did we go through? So let's go through it. We began by rashash shana. And for those of you remember we spoke a little bit of rashash shana here. Some guys here maybe this is a repeat so I apologize. Rashash shana is the day that the what what do we remember rashash shana? The rash shana what we're remembering rashash shana is the first ever rashash shana which was the story of Adam. Adam came to the Ghan. It was the first Rashashana Mishb. Adam comes to the Ghan. And when he's into the Gan that first day, he gets a wife. He gets all the the the animals come before him and it's not working out, right? The lion's got ambition, but it ain't going right. The giraffe's too tall. It's making him insecure. It's just not working. So, finally, Hashem creates a woman from his rib or from himself. She brings him in. He makes for for Adam Harishon on the first day. And on that first day, he says, "You can't eat from the tree." Adam says, "No problem." Kava comes in. Kaba says, "You eat from the tree." Adam eats from the tree. Remember the story. Okay. Hashem says to Adamisha, for those, this is a little bit of we do this very quickly. Ayaka, what is he saying for? So the oral the says, what is he doing? If you're going to punish him, punish him. If you're not going to punish him, then don't punish him, but don't play with him. Right? There's one person in the classroom. Ayaka. What's Aayeka? There's There's not a classroom of kids. There's Adam. There's one person. Hashem's in the room. He's cheating on the test in front of Hashem. I see you. I see. What's Ayaka? Where are you? What do you mean? You're right in front of me. If you want to punish him, just say, "You ate from the tree. Get out of here." If you don't want to punish him, punish him, say, "I can't believe you hit the tree, honey. It's okay." But Ayaka is like in between. And the alter says because he wasn't being punished. Listen to this. He wasn't being punished on eating from the tree. Something happened that that got him punished. What was it? What is responded to? What did he respond with? Well done. Excellent. Listen, I you'd think that the resume you would think when mom and dad are Hashem, she would be a good girl. First day, this day one of the marriage, I'm violating the only only command I get. It's your fault. Goes, "Whoa, wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second." There's a difference between the the theat says there's a difference between a misa and a mida. A misa is what you do. Amida is connected to who you are. Right? Like we always say, there are people in our lives that are just professional fetchers. They're complainers. It's always too hot. There's always not enough food. Yantiff always falls out on the wrong day. I can't believe it. They're panicking over the rain. It's going to be terrible. You know, it's going to be terrible. The rabbi's going too long or too short. Yum. Kipper is forever. There's always the people you know for sure if you're in a room and you're in a sima and the flowers droop. Someone's going to go, "They shouldn't have got those flowers." Always. Now, the truth is, if you look at this person at the level of how they're speaking, they're always usually right. It's a little too hot. It's junctive falls out a little bit weird. It may rain. It's there's not enough food. You shouldn't have got those flowers. And if you look at it at the level, at the surface, which is my you don't know what to do with it. And then you can tell the person, listen, you know, you shouldn't have said them to the flowers. It's someone else's sim or I know it's hot, but like and they'll say yes or no and yes or no. And then next week it's the next thing. Why? Because a misa an action is a manifestation of amida. Someone who's a complainer believes the world revolves around them. That's how it is. And if the world revolves around you, when you walk into a room, your first instinct is, is this fully comfortable for me? It's an instinct. When you walk into a Yantiff, the minute Yontiff falls out, you're right away going, does it fit into my calendar? It's raining but I don't want it to rain because I know Hashem told me it doesn't work my expectations of my life. The world needs to fit into that. So really it's a mida. The mida is m the mida is I'm in the center of the world and hashem should find a way or the rabbi or my father or my mother or my friends or the person making the sima like you said I can't believe they're making the sim in in New Jersey. Like, are they crazy? No one's from New Jersey. No one's from Lakewood. I don't care. Nobody's from Lakewood and we all got to go to Lakewood cuz I don't want to go to Lakewood. It's not about your Sima and whether or not it's easier. No, it's about my time. So, it doesn't appear that way. The person who thinks this way doesn't walk around and go, I run the world because they would never say such a thing. Instead, they say, "I can't believe it's so hot." Or, "I can't believe you said that." Or, "Can you believe what she said?" or how come he's making the money and not me? They drive by someone's house and they go, "Hey, that guy's got a beautiful house." And right away the thought goes to that guy's I'm so much smarter than that guy. Why did he house for who hooked him up? Oh, I know why. Cuz his fault. What? Right away it goes into how come he's giving the class? I should give the class. The second those things come, the brain doesn't say cuz the world surrounds you. The brain doesn't do that. The Yates are so much better than that. The answer lives in our emotions. The rabbi always says instead it presents itself as a logical argument. No, no, no. You got to hear what you just said. I can't believe he's doing that. This is what he I was I was with somebody recently and someone gave stuck and as opposed to being like, wow, a guy turned to whatever. He said like that's it. Like what? Cuz I'm already in his head. I'm already in his bank account. I already I already I already typed him up. We can spend our whole Yontiff around Mim and we don't change. Which is why, like we said earlier, those who are hearing this again, I apologize. We'll go much further into sukus, so stick with me. This is why when you see as people get older in life, they stop changing. Their change is now incremental. Why? Because when you're younger, you're forced to change. You show up in a classroom and you see all these kids that just happen to be your age, and now you got to deal with it. You're in a camp and you're alone in a dorm room. You're you're you're in Israel and you got roommates. You're you're dating. You're your life. You have a kid that just showed up and you don't even know what to do with your your life in the beginning. There's a period of time in which you're the world changes on you so quickly you have no choice but to grapple with your midos and then something happens in the middle of your life and that's why you look at people as they get older they're the same people they're making the same jokes that you usually have the same goals in life because they're midos lock in the goal of Russia shana believe it or not is not mim how do you know it's not mim for because kazal is our best friend they're always taking care of us our rabbis are standing in front of us um guiding the way. That's why it's represented. That's why you open up a sitter. They they're they're taking the and all the malim and all the fashem and all what goes on in worlds that we can't see and they're putting it down into words that we can read. So when you read a word, you ever see this where you some of the sari sitters, they'll give you like a word and they go don't say this. Instead it'll be like a puk. You're like well because how do you know the pa because the rabbit's like no I got you shake this plug into here. say this and that's where the rabbis come to rash if you notice something amazing they don't say say a word about yourself if rash is then we should be walking to Russ saying I'm sorry why don't they do that for because they know there's nothing to do with I'm sorry I'm sorry still starts with I and now you're out so you know what they do the whole time the whole rashashana they go you know what I have an idea you want to fix your mida you know what the mida problem you have is you're in the center of the world you know we can do rashash shana we're going to say one word hamela Because if you could spend two days on Hashem and the whole thing's Hashem and you blow chauffeur to get into your kishkas that he runs the world and the is about Hashem and everything's about Hashem, maybe you can out from the world that you live in called me the mida the midas of what you're trying to break. Because if you can break your midos, something amazing happens. How do you break your midos? The minute you know you're breaking your midos, what do you get back? What was Adam Harishon's biggest sin? Hashem gave everybody says Hashem gave him a wife and she wasn't perfect to whose eyes to his eyes. Had he turned around and said, "By the way, my fault. Thank you. By the way, she's perfect for me." That's called gratitude. Believe it or not, when a person goes to life and says, "I don't have to know that my life is perfect. I appreciate what I have." When you wake up in the morning and you go through your day and you go, "Hashem, I can't even believe that I'm walking, talking, I have this person, that person in my life, I got this. Is it perfect? Do I know perfect? Do I know my tikkin in life is? Do I know that I'm sitting here in order to fix something from I don't know. I have no idea. I was on the phone with the rabbi recently. He's telling me about a story about a person who came to do this thing because he was maki. It was a gift from the Shmayam. We're holding and whether or not someone says something right or this person is married to me or this kid's like this." We know how all the and all our and everything we and we know that six years ago I took something from somebody else that wasn't mine and Hashem because he loves me is having us enabling us allow us to fix it in this world so we don't got to deal with get the shamayim and that's a gift that he's given us which is why we got to do something for somebody else and they don't say thank you because guess what you took something from somebody else you didn't realize it but you did you said something and someone behind you heard and they go really that guy something oh you hired this guy oh yeah you just said something but the guy next to you said really oh and now we know We know when you said something to somebody else, it messed up someone should and cause more ages. We know how our whole world works. We have any idea the impact that we have on other people. So the kesh who loves us, you know what he's doing? He's saying I got to deal with it in Shay. No way. Do it right now. That's why today you ruin the thing and the guy comes over to you and you give somebody whatever it's not perfect. Person looks at the brok and says, "You know what? I don't know perfect, but I'm overwhelmed by what you gave me. They're being met. They're bad mida. The mida of ani rashana begins with the mida called I don't I'm not in the center of the world and when I have good the good that I have whatever it is that I have I'm overwhelmed by it because you know why and I'm overwhelmed by being in your presence many years ago I had a the went to see George W Bush many many years ago they looked down I got involved in the U stam I was very young I got invol in some committee It wasn't a big deal but halal and the aster loves me. So when they needed to take people to the White House, somebody said, "You need to take some people that are young." So it doesn't look like you're like, you know, too old. So they went down the list and the two youngest guys, I was one of them. So they called me and go, "Do you want to join the delegation to the White House?" I'm like, "Uh uh uh yeah." So we flew in and like and and the exper wasn't a big whatever. Wasn't a big deal. You went in for five minutes. It was like a a thing for the picture. But I remember being in the room of the Oval Office. The feeling is katone and it was George Bush on his last leg. It was his last year. He didn't have any power left. He was in September. He was already there was he was already leaving didn't matter when you're overwhelmed with the president. You're not thinking about like but you know imagine like by the way do you valet? Can you? Cuz I'm not going to pay for parking here. You can he's like what what are you talking about? I'm the president. People put no one to tell anyone not taking your phones. That's the goal of Russia. Now, if we took a seriously as we take humans, we would feel this way. Rashana is I can't believe I can't believe I'm even here. There's seven billion people in this world. I can't believe I'm invited to the dance. I can't believe I was invited. This is insane. If you get to rash, you start on your means when things are good, you're overwhelmed because you're overwhelmed to be part of part of the then it goes one step further because you're at the yum kipper. And what's yumkipper? The rabbi says for those again review I apologize for those that have been together is the yardet of whom who's the yard of yam kipper is hika ka is the artite that was the time of the Romans that's why they read that sorry it's connected to that because on that day was was killed because what is it means that if you really believed in rash shana and if you really believed in the melik and you really believe that you know when you get to Yom Kipper and the Kesh who says I'm taking your life now remember says remember was the father ofai like he could was the father of kabala want to he could have snapped his fingers and the wall would have disappeared you think some Roman general is going to killa for real imagine going out to the biggest sad they can in today you think he's scared of some what's going on in Iran you think they're going oh my gosh Iran the biggest sadic they can't kill people with their heads it's Jewish people Yaka the greatest is like sitting there shaking from a Roman general. He couldn't just with his eyes zap him. Why didn't he? Cuz he said, "I want to be able to fulfill the part of the Bhol and die like that. They're combing his flesh and he's he couldn't be happier." You know what that's called? That's called keshasham. Kesh means I act and think for you. Watch how this works. If your midos are refined on rash shana then you get to yum kipper and your mim your actions become refined too. That's why in yum kiper you confess all your sins cuz they're nothing. Cuz as Neal says if you go into a building and you break the foundation and the building starts to collapse it's just clean up. If the foundation is strong, you got to go to the top floor. It's all a thing and it's electricity and electric and you don't want. But if you get to the bottom and you blow up the foundation and the building comes down, it's just cleanup. If you get to the bottom of the real issue, which is my meos put me in the middle of my life, and then I can get there and blow that up a little bit and say I'm really not in charge of this world. I am overwhelmed by the kindness of Hashem. When you get to Yom Kipper, what you have is a building of mim of your actions that is collapsed. Which is why you can sit and go and you're going, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe how much I did." And it's taking me like five minutes or even even I do it five six times. You go through vid and you're just going like this and all of a sudden what? All the sins go away. They just disappear. You say and all the every time every time you trade it on Hashem every time give it to all gone. Yeah. It's all gone. You know why? That's not who you are anymore. Mim, you clean up. You work the midos out and you're mim. Which means if you're in the world of yaka, I act in a way that gives you honor. If I believed in the world of harish, if I really believed in rash shana, which is hamelik, then if the melik says, I want you to comb your flesh, god forbid, you go, you're still the melik. I don't know, but yeah, fine. And if Melik wants me to put something out, take out of my pocket or give somebody something or put my head down to my parents or to my rebby or to wherever or go to shul and it's a little bit longer or wear certain clothing or wear certain food who died alkashem but that's not the goal of of yum. is to live alash. When you have one, which is gratitude, and you have two, which is gamula, that means whatever it is, it's good. I don't know. I don't want the world. I'm so good at gratitude because I'm working the meal out that when it comes to my life and things don't go the way I want, it must be what the Malik wants. And that's the way it's supposed to be. Kea is the paradigm of latav of it. That's the story in in the garra. and his rebu is Malamish Gamsu which is the paradigm of Gamsula. But I want you to get these two pieces because if we don't get these two pieces we can't build the next piece together which is the lesson that we have to learn the story of Rashashan and Yom Kipper the lesson of Roshanom Kipper is the lesson of gratitude. I'm overwhelmed by being in the presence of the mel. What do you need me to do? I'm sorry Mr. President. A cup of water? Sure. It's an honor. I'm sorry. fly to Israel and negotiate. Fly to Lebanon. Yeah, whatever. You're the president. When you get Rashana right and you're living with Hashem, then what Hashem asks something of you to do, you do it. Bimha. If you don't have the first piece and everything's annoying 10 extra minutes in SH and you're losing it, you have to deal with in and out of the house in case God forbid it rains. If we're whatever Hashem wants to rain, it's going to rain. If whatever he wants, if on suk is you're like holl in, out, in, out. It's annoying to you. You know why? because if it's only annoying to me because I didn't work out the thing with the malachidos with me so far midos lead to mim are my proof of my midos right so if I'm saying thing that I'm annoyed I'm not really annoyed I'm just in the center of the world and if I'm saying to somebody that you spilled on me gams letova instinctively it's I don't really want it. I just am overwhelmed with gratitude. And I believe that Hashean does everything on on for a reason. That's who I am. Okay. What I do is a product of who I am and it's also an indication of who I am. Rashana and Yom Kipper are building these two pieces. If you go through it properly, you come out and you're overwhelmed with gratitude because you're in the presence of the king. And your actions reflect that. And you come out now and what you really want now, you can really tell by where we're holding by whether or not right now what I really want is to go back to where I was before I had to do all this stuff or I actually want to change. I actually want to be better. I actually want to do something different. How do why? Because if I really want to change, my actions will show me that it's my what how I feel inside. So far, okay, now let's get into it. That was the setup. Now, let's delve from the rabbi. Once you understand the difference between who I am and what I do, we can now understand the difference between gullis and gula. Why? Because all of us come down into the world through a process in which Hashem does the unthinkable. And for those you you've heard this before, I apologize for the review. It's my crow my crowem. When Hashem get creates us, what he does for us is he builds us as something that is distinct from the world. Animals operate based on their nature. Angels operate just based on their connection to Hashem. The only [snorts] thing that is in the middle of both is the human. And especially if a person comes down as a Ben Hashem who puts inside me and you what that means is that who we are is a literal piece of the infinite. So, if I'm in my house and my house is worth, let's say, $100,000, but in my bedroom behind the wall is a safe and in that safe is a the rarest diamond in the world worth a billion dollar, then it's not accurate to say that my house is worth $100,000 because it's containing a diamond that's worth a billion. Now, I may not see the diamond. I may not know it's there, but if I'm living in the house and someone goes, "How much is this thing worth?" And I never thought to think that to look what's behind the wall, it could be behind the wall. And I don't know that the previous owner put it there and it looks like a wall. So I live my whole life realizing, I don't know, that just looks like a painting. I never knew that behind the painting really is a button that opens up to a safe that has within it the most rarest diamond in the world. So my property that I bought for $80,000, which is not happening anywhere near the five towns, obviously, I'm just using as as examples. People like, where do you live? I know somewhere in like Alaska somewhere like on like some iceberg for $80,000. I bought it for 80. It's worth 50 billion. I just didn't know. That feeling of not knowing what you have is the story of our lives because we walk around and what we don't appreciate and don't even know how to appreciate. We don't even know how to value it. But the says, "I'm going to give you something that's going to be inside you that is you. That is the most valuable thing in the world. It's a ray of Hashem. You're praying for the mel. You're you're you're agreeing that everything happens at that means that everything that happens in your life you're now saying is being controlled by a being that is beyond all possibility. What that means is that that being has a ray that is inside you. So if your eyes are open, the reason why your eyes are open is because what's powering you is a piece of that. That's the most valuable thing you can ever do in your whole life. And you have it. It's in the house already. And you come into this world. And when you come into this world, you sense it. Which is why as kids come into this world, they're so ambitious and they can do so much and they never get knocked down and they're always willing to get up again. And they have this unique energy that little kids have that is something that we all admire and we love. Why? Because they come in with this clarity and this purity of this gem called the soul. And they know that soul is unbreakable. And they know that soul is resilient. They know that soul falls down trying to learn how to walk and get back up again or puts his head down trying to learn math and they'll figure it out. And that soul looks at a person and they don't they don't know that person's good or bad or different. They're just happy. But then you go through life and when you go through life, you're trying to figure out who you are. And the world around you puts some value on who you are. So if you come into this world and you come into a family that is mach academics, you are as as well as you do in school, which is why everyone's going crazy about school. That's what happens. Kids that are that's why if you look at the kids who are the good students, they're the most stress in school. That's why if you go to the Ivy Leagues, they have the highest rate of depression, of anxiety, and of medication. They're in the Ivys. There's the best kids in the whole country. Why? Because that's what they're known for. That's the value they ascribe to themselves. They don't know there's a diamond in there. They just know that as a kid growing up, they valued them for their academics and they said, "Oh, that's who I am. I know who I am. I'm the smart kid." So, if I go to school and I all of a sudden I went from my Witchah State thing and I got an A by breathing and now I'm sitting in Harvard and there's every Witchah State every kid in the whole every valor to in the world with next to me. I'm like, "Oh my god, I may get a B minus." A B minus means that I'm not enough. That's why I get nervous. And if it's not that and let's assume you come to a place that's money you live in a community everyone makes money and now you go okay it must be money while working and all of a sudden a guy does more than you and does better than you and is more successful than you and has a bigger this and he's like yeah you're not upset that someone else is m you're like but that wait if you're more I'm not enough and for some people it's how you look and they're always shopping all day never ending full closet no underwear why because when they grew up that's how they were valuing themselves now they walk into a room and everyone's doing the same thing and so everyone's walking into room is everybody looks like they're just I I I don't and they're looking always always trying to see what can I find what's the latest trends why do I do that for why do I walk into a room and all of a sudden I feel less because someone looks better why does this happen for it's not because of the person it's because who I am is what I do or what I have I've ascribed a value to myself and that value that I've ascribed to myself is connected to how I see myself with me with me okay and why is this so critical for because in case we didn't break this by the mida of rashom kipper what happens is like this a person who has and we all have this and if you don't think you have this you are so deep into it that now you're delusional so if you don't have this in your life thank you so much you have it more than anybody in your or you're massive sadic. Either one. If you're a massive massive sadic, then I apologize for wasting your time. Our ability to at least call out if you want to find it. I'll the rabbi rabbi go to dialing benra if you want to hear the whole episode the podcast dialing beneath. Okay? Can you hear the whole thing from his words? We'll listen to how he says. You want a good lmness? I'll give you a great litmus test. Here's how here how here how's you can tell. If you're ever anywhere and you have a sudden feeling of low, of depre, not depression, of sadness, anywhere, suddenly out of nowhere, things are fine and you feel sad anywhere. The reason why you feel sad almost always is you see somebody else ahead of you in your race. And when you see someone ahead of you in your race, you become less. So if I walk into a room and I see somebody who is, you know, a prince of another country, I'm like, well, how a prince? If I walk over and see somebody who's in my my lake and he's swimming ahead of me, all of a sudden I feel less. Why? That's why that's when you look at life cycles, it's very hard for people who gets this, who gets that, who gets there. Why? Because everyone's in the same bucket and everyone feels competitive. Everyone feels like they're not enough. It's like there's something wrong with them. That idea that who I am is based on what I do is what Rashashana and Yumkipper is trying to break. Rashashan is coming to say who you are is your midos. Who you are is a ben and abas of the mealith. Your life the reason why you should be grateful is because you can't compare your life to anybody else. Which means everything that I give you is b is built just for you. The reason why you kipper works is because we say hashem I trust every action being yours and I'm sorry that I ever was off. A person who's living in a competitive field that thinks who they are is what they do. They turn rash on yum kipper just into an Amazon.God way of getting more than what they want. Which is why they get all nervous. Why do people get nervous on yum kipper? Because deep deep deep down we're hoping we get what we need. Because I know what I need. Cuz my value is how much I have. And my value is that I want to get this thing. And my value is that I have to accomplish this thing. So I already know who I am. I have I am what I do and I am what I have. So now I walk into a place that may get shaken. Now I walk into a place where somebody take that from me or better. I walk into a place and I may get double. Bring it. I'm on. And we're good that way. We were we because we're built that way. We're little kids. They told us to kiss up to our teachers and we and then we then we got older told us kiss up to the admissions lady. And then we're always kissing up to somebody above us to get we never do that. We go to the DMV and we're like, "Hey, it's so nice to see you and ma'am." Just because we know the way you get ahead in life is there are time to love you, put your head down. So, it's not hard for us to walk into Hashem who we say who who we think loves who we know loves us and we walk in, we go, "Okay, this is the season. The store is open. Go get." And then that's why when you hear a speech like the store is open, go get it. This is your whole year. You're like, "Yeah, yeah, this is my whole year. Let's go. I got to Okay, keep on." We That's me filling me. I have to make sure that my dues work. This is the era. And how can you tell? You know how you can tell if you like this, which is totally fine, but to be honest, is you're relieved. That's what that when when sukus is the relief of Roshan Kipper is because Roshan Kipper was I'm on trial and I'm sitting in front of the the the admissions board and I'm sitting around by the bonus committee and I don't know how I'm going to do. So, I took my LSATs. I took my my my my um my bar the bar exam. It's over. Okay. I don't got to fast for a long time. The next big one's tishabove. That's forever. I just did a double. I get to eat and I go back to life. And but if I went to Russian Kipper and I'm like, wait, wait, not Ben Malik. Hashem picked me to be in the room. I can't believe what I have. I can't believe who I am. I can't believe he picked me. Hold [snorts] on a second. I come home. Hashem, you gave me a family. You gave me a this. You gave me food. You gave me friends. What? What was I thinking? I want to fix what Aldarish got wrong. You're the Malik. Wait, I'm walking to you Kipper. What could I do? I can't do anything. It's all you, Hashem. It's all you. I'm ready to be my every second of my life. I want to live for you. I trust you. This is my life. Who I am is not what I do. Who I am is not what I have. Who I am is I'm a piece of you. And I'm in this room for a reason. And you brought me down for a mission. And I trust that you know my mission and I trust that everything is fair. And I trust that when I when all my m are clean and I trust you to my core. And the only thing that I am now I have to do I have to have I live in this world but what I do and what I have is just really trying to understand what it is that you want from me because that's who I am. I'm overwhelmed by being in the office of the president. And as a result, when he asks me to get on a plane and fly across the country, yes sir, your honor, it's an honor to serve the king and I'm overwhelmed by it and I'm honored by it. When a person walks out of rash kipper, getting the lessons of Adam Harishon, gratitude and getting the lessons which is midos and getting lessons of yum kipper clean my different. They're different. That's why they're mim are cleaned because they're different. And the goal is I no longer am on a race. I'm done with that. That was because you know why? Because I'll never get there. I'm only going to live my life trying to do my job in this world. Which means when I see someone I'm racing with, I want them to win. That's my job. I want to give. I'll I'll be okay. You'll always take care of me. I've been working on my gratitude since rash shana. You've gi Someone called me recently about can I dive in for what I need. I'm like you absolutely can. But think about it. Think about everything you have in your life. Most of what you have in your life that you value the most, you didn't even ask for. It was given to you. You're not sitting here because you when you were a baby, you asked for it. Most what we have in our lives that we love the most, we didn't even know how to ask for it. It was just handed to us. Hashem's got us. And when you feel like Hashem's got you and you're willing to live and you're willing to be connected to the mel and you're overwhelmed by his you came out of rashipper and the way it feels or the way it should feel or the way it could feel because we could always grow every second is who I am is no longer what I do because I didn't bring that into yum kipper. I didn't bring my job into yum kipper and yum kipper shows up and goes in case you didn't know that you can't put on my cosmetics. You can't wear comfortable shoes. You can't eat and drink. You know why? Cuz all that stuff. All you're doing and having is not who you are. Check it at the door. Bring me who you are. You know who you are? You're just a soul. You know how I know? Cuz you say schma on. You know what you say after? You say out loud, which means I'm I'm an angel. That's right. That's who you are. You're just an angel. You're a soul that came into this world. You have a body. You're not a body. That's who you are. You don't kipper. Now the m are easy. You get that? Come on. I got that. That's last stuff. I got you. You walk out of your own kipper and you realize that you're really just the angel that's now covert into this world. You know why I'm covert? Because I got things to do. I got a world to to change. I got kids to worry about. I got family friends. I got someone to date. I got someone to I got business to make. You know why? I got to give stuck. I got to do good. I got to show honesty. I got to be sitting in a room and I can pull off a table and I leave it on the table and someone goes, "Oo, I got to have those moments. I got to be the guy whose phone is buzzing on my hip and I'm sitting in and I take my phone off and I'm not even thinking about my phone. I can be that lady that walks around and says I have to look a certain way or be happy for somebody or compliment somebody or have faith at a level that my friends don't have so that my friends look at me after they make fun. They're like, "Holy cow, I have what to look up to. I'm on mission. I'm coming back to you on Kipper. It's almost here. I'll be back at sleepless again. I'm be back. I'm I don't want to sit on the floor with Tishabove and know that I was 1% responsible for no gula. Are you kidding me? I'm not doing that. It's not to serve the king. That's what we're after. I want you I want to get it. If if we don't get it, it's okay. It's called life. Let's just understand it and let's slowly together work towards it. That's what we're after. We're shifting. It's not about whether I got from Hashem. It's about whether or not I can move I can move across the line and my identity goes from being a do and a have to being a be to being to knowing that my I have a diamond behind the painting and in that diamond is is is worth a billion dollars and if I can try my year to find what I am that makes me a piece of Hashem and that's who I am and my goal in life is do my job that's my goal That's what we're looking for. We're almost done. Sukus. What happens if you take yourself out of always trying to win? You know what happens? You know what you get for it? Sima. Do you know why? Cuz you know how we're so anxious all the time for you know why anxiety has been all you're sitting around anxiety. There are people that survived Awitz with less anxiety than people walking around in neighborhoods today. Am I wrong? Have you met people that survived Awitz? They have less anxiety than people that are kids in the fanciest most comfort. Why? Because anxiety is not whether or not you can accomplish something. Anxiety is a need to control that which you can't control. I have to figure this out. What's going to be in the future? I can't I don't have the ability to control that which I want to control. And to go from my health to to money or I forgot to do that thing. Oh my god, I put it back or I'm going to miss this thing. The ability to always be thinking that I got to do and I got to do and I have to have and then the reality that I can't control it equals I'm anxious about it. Some people to the level where it's become so much blemish in their mida that they have no choice but to deal with it at a professional level. It's so ingrained in who they are. Okay, not everyone's at whatever issues not for this class. The point is that if I live in a world where I'm in control, I'll never be happy because I can never be in control and I'll never be winning because the world doesn't work like that because every time I la I I get to another level, it unlocks a board to another level. So I'm I'm I'm an associate. When I become VP, guess what happens? I meet all the VPs. I'm like, "Oh, I'm so then I got an EVP." Oh my gosh, all the EVPs. You We can't win races. It's such a thing. So I'm never going to be happy. Yeah, we'll never be happy as do and halves. You could be temporarily satisfied with reaching the next level, but simha it doesn't exist if you're living in do and have. It can't. You're in you're in a competitive field. The best athletes of all time, they're happy for one night. By the time they're driving back to the hotel room, they're thinking about next season. If a person says, "You know who I am? I am who I'm on mission with Hashem." You know what you get for that? It's called Simka. Simra is the thermometer to how much you live with your be and not your do and not your have. That's why sukus is called >> yeah because it's supposed to shift you over. Listen to watch this works. I'm going to build this in five minutes. Mashem I got to be done. Which look look how this works. Amuna which is Rashim Kipper. This is all from the rabbi. It's awesome. Amuna Shanim Kipper true amuna. Shem runs the world. I trust him every second. True amuna. You can tell you have a muna because it's litmus test by simka. You walk into your you see a person sitting in an apartment and they're glowing and you feel bad for them because we live in do and have and they feel bad for you because you don't live in be and they're they're they're shining. You see people the people watch people that you respect the most in life when you see them they're basimha. They're basimha always. You know why? because they live with a muna. They're free. They're not on a race for anything. Even for their own basic needs, they're cool. Hashem says, "If you do rush, right, you're going into sukus." Sukus says, "I sent you out of your house. Now I take whatever security you even have, which is le and I move it out to now you're in Ara and now you're out in the elements. Now you're stuck. You're in an now. Now you're in a desert. So if you had no muna that you're going out of your mind but if you got a muna you're sitting going ah hashem all day. But here's the secret and then I'm going do one more and we're going to call it cuz it's already late. Listen if you can't find your amuna you know what you should do fake your sima because you can't be a happy person and not have amuna. I don't mean like distract yourself. I don't mean like watch something or drink something or take something. That's not what I'm talking about. I mean, make yourself happy with your life and you will see that you won't work unless you start to let control up to Hashem. Amuna to simun. You see that? They're they're connected. As the rabbi says, amun is the nama and is the nephesh. It's connected. Now, what does that look like? And then I'm done. What does that look like? How do you know someone has a muna and simka? One thing, one thing. You know what it's called? Why? If I come from the kureshu and I'm not racing you, I want you to have everything you need to be successful. I want you to win. You know why? Cuz why wouldn't I want you to win? I'm infinite. I don't know if my whole purpose in life is for you to win. You have more than me. God bless you. That's amazing. I'm connected to infinite. You're ahead of the race. Amazing. Be ahead of the race. I don't We don't live in the same planet. I'm not I'm not hawking whether or not like the Prince Harry becomes the I don't know. Whatever. I hope it works out for him. I'm not It's out of my world. I want you to win. If Gooff met somebody, if you see someone that Goth went through a terrible sorrow, terrible, terrible, terrible sorrow. And then the next day they come out, they have this massive good thing happens to them. No one's jealous. You know why? Because you don't want to be them. Cuz they went through something. You want good for them. So how come if someone didn't go through this sorrow and they have this massive things you're you're not happy for them? because they they're aligned in your circle. They're in your they're in your race. They're in your pond. Kush says, "No, they're not. There is no pond. It's you on mission." And if you really believe that your true value is the diamond and not the doing, the having. If you got through, oh my gosh, I'm overwhelmed. Rashana Hashem, I'm living for you Kipper. And you're feeling that feeling of I'm free. I'm free. I'm not racing this year. I'm not racing this year. One year, I'm not racing. If you can get to that place where even if 10% we get down from the races, you know what happens? I look at the person next to me and I go, I really hope you win. It's not affecting me. And if you need something, I'm going to give it to you because I'm not I'm not I'm not thrown by you. Is the manifestation of because a person who is a ma is sitting around happy and a person who's happy wants everyone to be happy. If you're sitting at a table and say to serve you a dessert and you take a bite, you take a bite of the dessert and it's 10 times better than you think. What's your first instinct every you got got to try this. Why? It's your dessert and it's better than you think. If it's 10 times better, then you should want it because it's if it's so good, you want other people to share it. [snorts] If you're feeling simha, you know how you know you're feeling simha? Because you want other people leave. And how do you know? Because if it's your day of sim and no one's, it hurts you. You make a sima and everyone's sitting around and everyone's dancing and singing and then this one grumpy guy comes in. You're like, "Come on, don't even come." You go to Shukus and you make a whole meal and you're so happy and you look good and you walk in, you serve and one person going, "You have to like just don't come. Just leave." Why? Because when you're bas you're not taking from me. So when someone goes to properly and their is strong. It affects their and if someone is it affects their that's how life works. That's the sh the ne and the of what it means to be a Jew. The goal of this period of time is to become Jews. We're not supposed to be Greeks with Jewish names and Greeks with Jewish words. The goal life isn't to compete. Goal life is to come and do our tacless. Hashem put each of us on this world separately. And as parents, we know each kid is different and you look at them differently. Chris just wants you look at yourself differently. And if we go through this period of time and go, wait, I got it. Rashan Kip went doing it's all Hashem. He's in charge. I'll be back there in a year and I'm checking my body at the door. I'm not bringing my do and my halves. I get a diamond in here and I want to spend my year trying to figure out what the diamond is. I never touched it before. I never found it before, but I want to. I know what I'm going to do. I'm gonna work on my on that feeling. I'm going to focus on my I'm going to turn to broken work my and I'm going to sit and try to figure out who cares if I win or I lost. The more I do that the more I'm going go into sukus and now sukus is the world of you have nothing and you go I don't need anything and when you do that you know you're doing it because you have that means if you don't feel sim do something nice to somebody else you'll feel happier that t those three work up and down and why is it so critical for this all end and please go total.org or if you can donate it' be amazing. This will end. Why is this bim for? Why is this the purpose for? Because why did we set shiva at the end of the year? We sat for the ba mikdash. What's the b mikdash? The ba mdash is a lack of aus. That's the whole goal. How do we bring hashem into this world? We stop trying to fight each other. And I went with this. Think of it like this. If I can bring Hashem into this world in myself, Rashashana amuna, then I can build myself into someone that can bring Hashem to this world for others and then I can bring Hashem in the world in totality. So the goal of this period of time really is it's this is we're already planning for because the more I can make myself a and the more I am bringing Hashem into my life and into life other people the more I'm in the world of that's the whole of of us being here and once I'm in the world of then has a place to go we should be all of us to remember something racing only hurts us. We all are doing it. And if we could take it down five degrees, that's five more degrees of simka and this year. And if we see a muna simha and as three parts of the same chain, anyone you play with affects the others and we go into sukus now even if we have to fake it because remember says fake it almanas. It's not faking. It's lishma to become a lishma. We come to the sukus now and we bring sim into our world and we make it happy and we tell it to our family. We tell it to our friends. It'll change how we see hashem and amuna. It'll change on and we'll be able to now get the den who waits until because he sees the den of but he wants to see it the litmus testim protect our den block our den and become the people that can bring the gula Her hair.