Shavuot: The Secret to True Spiritual Growth - Rabbi YY Jacobson

They say an old joke about Moshe Dayan. I'm not sure if everybody remembers Moshe Dayan was Israel's defense minister. He had a patch on his eye. They say a joke that he was driving on an Israeli highway very very fast way above the speed limit, which in Israel it takes a lot to go above the speed limit. And a policeman stops him and he sees Dayan and he says, "General Dayan, defense minister of Israel, you should be a role model for citizens. Instead of driving like a madman, I'm going to quadruple pull your summons." He looks at the policeman and he says, "Officer, I don't need a chauffeur. Look at me. I have one eye. Now, what would you like me to do with this eye? Look at the speedometer or look at the highway?" >> [laughter] >> Okay, so sometimes the moral of the story is sometimes we get stuck looking at the speedometer and we don't see enough uh the highway, the larger picture, the big vision. Okay, so Baruch Hashem, we're here together and uh may Hashem bless us all with keen vision >> [laughter] >> and sensitivity on all levels begashmius ubruchneus. Royan asan nishma v'asainu asanera. So, today as we prepare for the festival for the holiday of Shavuos, Matan Torah, the receiving of the Torah, we're going to explore two stories that the Gemara shares connected to this very special day. And as usual, at the surface, the both of the stories seem very enigmatic, very difficult to comprehend. Yet, as we delve into it, we see here profound layers of significance, lessons that are also timeless and very practical today. Let's begin with the first one. We'll see how strange it seems, we'll go to the second one, and then we'll come back to it b'ezrat Hashem. The first is in your source sheets, there's one source sheet. If you don't have it, there's some on the table more. You can take more if you don't have. They're also loaded on the Yeshiva.net. The Gemara says in tractate Shabbos pay ches, page 88a. This is the Talmud Shabbos pay ches where it's known as the Sugya of Matan Torah. It's a long discussion there about Matan Torah which was also on Shabbos. So, the Gemara says as follows. There's a very interesting expression in the story which we're going to read on Shavuos. Parshas Yisro we read on Shavuos, the Ten Commandments. And the Torah says "Vayisyatzvu betachtis hahar." The Jewish people stood below the mountain. Now, that's a very strange expression. They didn't stand Betachtis means under, under the mountain. They didn't stand under the mountain. They stood it should have said "Vayisyatzvu etzel hahar, neged hahar, samuch lahar." There's different expressions near the mountain, parallel to the mountain, close proximity to the mountain. "Etzel hahar" near the mountain. What's Betachtis hahar? Tachtis is under. You're not under a mountain. Amar Reb Avdimi bar Chama bar Chasa. Reb Avdimi, one of the sages who was the son of a man named Chama who was the son of a man named Chasa. So, we know him and his father and his grandfather. Avdimi bar Chama bar Chasa. He said as follows, "Melamed, this possuk which says clearly in Yisro and we read it on Shavuos, teaches us "Shekofa Kodesh Baruch Hu aleihem hahar kegigis." Gigis is a vat, like a big barrel. It teaches us that Hashem has placed the mountain over them like an overturned vat. Imagine you take a big barrel and you turn it over and you place it as a dome, like a dome on top of a person. So, he placed the mountain over them like a gigis, like an overturned vat. V'amar lahem, and he said to them, "Im atem mekabelim et haTorah, mutav. If you receive the Torah, great. V'im lav, and if not, sham take v'aschem." This shall be your burial place under the mountain. That's why it says but the Sahara they were under the mountain because he picked up this mountain and so to speak turned it over their head. That's what the sages teach. The commentators obviously struggle with this very very profoundly. The first question is Tosfos asks over there, doesn't make sense. Already yesterday on the fifth day of Sivan, they all said na'aseh v'nishma, we're in. They already agreed. So why after that, when they're actually there, when it's about to happen, he has to do put this mountain over their head? That's the big question. But then there's a fundamental question in the very idea here. What's the value of such a relationship? I mean, forgive my example, but just to illustrate it, right? Imagine a groom wants to propose to his potential bride. So where does he take her? Instead of going to a park or somewhere nice, takes her under an elevator shaft. And he says, "If you say yeah, it's good. The elevator's going to go way way up together with us. We'll have a rooftop experience. And if not, you know what's going to happen? The elevator's coming down." Now everybody understands, even in a business relationship, even in a more casual or not such a serious relationship, this type of conversation seems not only awkward but awful. Especially when you're talking about a deep intimate relationship. Matan Torah is called a chassan, a yom chassunoso, zeh Matan Torah. The Mishna says in tractate Kidushin at the end, page 26. The whole proposing this way seems so difficult to understand and so awful. And what type of relationship is it if somebody is in a relationship because basically they were threatened with their life. So the entire relationship is simply to avoid the danger of death. So the relationship means it's a completely completely not only non-volitional, I'm completely not interested about it. Not only that, it only creates negative associations, negative feelings, knowing what this is all about, completely not considering who I am. And yet, according to the sages, somehow at Matan Torah, this is what happened. Very, very difficult to comprehend, very difficult to understand. What does this mean? That's number one. Okay, so we're going to change the subject for a few minutes. I want you to remember the question, you probably won't forget it. It's a pretty powerful question. And we're going to get back to it base of Hashem soon in the class. Let's change the subject and go to another story. This story doesn't happen below, this story happens above. This is in tractate Menachot 50 test on the base, tractate Menachot page 29B. It's a fascinating story that deals with Moshe Rabbeinu on the mountain. Says the Gemara, Amar Rav Yehuda Amar Rav. Rav Yehuda says in the name of Rav, Bishaa sh'alah Moshe l'marah This is a quote that I'm going to translate. Bishaa sh'alah Moshe l'marah When Moshe went up to Hashem, he went up to the mountain, he went up to God, Motzoi, this is after Matan Torah, Motzoi l'Hakadosh Baruch Hu she'Yoshev v'Koser Sarim l'Otiyos. He finds Hashem writing and tying, connecting crowns to the letters. What are they referring to? So, if you'll see, there's a picture below, and you'll see that there's several letters in a Sefer Torah that have spikes on top of them. You see? Take a look, the Gimel, you see the Bet has one spike, the Gimel has three, the Dalet has one, the Zayin. You see some of the letters, Nun, Lamed, Nun, Ayin, Tzadi, usually it's known as the letters shatnez gets. Shin, ayin, tes, nun, zayin, gimmel, tzadi. These letters have what are called sarin, crowns. Like little zayins on top of them. They're like spiky points. The Gamara also calls them koitzen. They look like little thorns. And they ascend from the letters. When you look at a safer Torah, you'll see that many of the letters have these crowns on them. So, Moshe Rabbeinu finds Hashem doing that he's drawing these crowns. Amar loi, amar lafanav, Moshe says, Ribono shel Olam, mi ma'akev al yodcha? Who's forcing you to do this? Like, what do you need this design for? What's the purpose? Like, there's nothing better to do? What Like, what are you doing? Like, what is this for? Is this a project in school? Are they trying to test your artistic skills? Do you just want to make the letters fancier? Like, who what's this about? Amar loi, Hashem says to him, Adam echad yesh. There's a person she'asid lihiyos besof kama doros. He's going to live after many generations. Meaning, he's not here yet. He's a man of the future. And let me tell you about him. Akiva ben Yosef Shmai. His name is Akiva. His father's name is Yosef. Reb Akiva's father's name was Yosef. She'asid lidrosh al kol koitz vekoitz, tilei tilim shel halachos. On each one of these little lines, these little thorns, a koitz in Hebrew is a thorn. Because these little spikes look like tiny little thorns that come out of a bush, come out of a plant, of a branch. He's going to expound on every single one of these thorns, one of these lines, tilei tilim. Tilei til, in Hebrew, is a mountain. A tel is a mountain, a mount. Tilei tilim are mountains upon mountains of halachos. So, what Hashem is telling Moshe Rabbi Akiva is going to appreciate each one of these lines. He's going to appreciate the depth. And from each one of these kotesim, he's going to develop mountains of ideas of Allah. Amal afanav, Moshe says, "Rebono shel oilam, hareini. Can you show him to me? I would like to see I would like to meet this person." Amarlai, Hashem tells Moshe, "Chazor [snorts] acharecha." Which means turn around backwards. Which was a metaphor of saying, "We're going to go down, not memory lane, but we're going to go down future lane and see the future of history." And Moshe Rabbenu is now transplanted from this location in heaven into a scene in the land of Israel, which is going to be around a thousand years later. He's now planted in a new environment where Rabbi Akiva is lecturing. He's giving a shiur. Halach, he goes vayoshev besof shmoneh shuros. Rabbi Akiva is standing in his base medrash. Akiva had lots of students. The Gemara says he had 24,000 students. Doesn't say how many students were here, but Moshe was looking for a place at the end of eight lines. They were tsuras, lines and lines of people sitting. At the end of eight lines, he found a space and he sat down. I don't know if the person near him knew who was sitting near him, but Moshe Rabbenu finds his place. Veloi yodeia mah omer. Shockingly, the Gemara says Moshe does not know what is being said. He doesn't understand. He does not grasp the conversation. So, he's sitting there, veloi yodeia, he does not understand. What happens next, said the Gemara, tashash kochoi. Tashash kochoi literally means his strength is depleted. He becomes demoralized. He feels angst. He feels weak. He feels sad. He feels despondent. He doesn't understand what's happening. Okay? The scene continues. At some point Rebbe Akiva reached a specific idea, specific insight. And he said it. I'm going to tell me that the students turn to their teacher Rebbe Akiva and they say, "Rebbe, me and love. Rebbe, how do you KNOW THIS? WHAT'S YOUR SOURCE? YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING. PROVE IT. WHAT'S YOUR SOURCE?" They challenge him. I'm going to have Rebbe Akiva says to them, "I love the motion machine." The source for this is a law, a tradition that was given over by Moshe Rabbeinu from Mount Sinai. Generation to generation to generation, that's my source. Moshe Rabbeinu settled and calmed down. >> [snorts] >> First he was demoralized. He felt angst. He felt depleted. He felt weak. And now Moshe Rabbeinu Moshe Rabbeinu his das was meyuchev, which means he found serenity and calmness. And the Gamara says Rebbe Akiva Rabbeinu he went back to the present. And he comes to God and he says, "I'm going to have Rebbe Akiva Rabbeinu yesh Adam Rabbeinu Moshe Rabbeinu Rabbeinu." You have a person like this and you're giving the Torah through me? >> [laughter] >> What is going on? You have this man and you're using me? And the Gamara doesn't give a good answer. The Gamara says that Hashem told Moshe be quiet. He doesn't explain. He says, "Be quiet. This is something about where silence would be the most appropriate behavior." And then Moshe Rabbeinu speaks to Hashem about other the future stories with Rebbe Akiva and the fate of Rebbe Akiva by the Romans. And here again, Hashem says, "Be quiet. Be silent." So this is the story that we have in the Gamara Menachos about Moshe's encounter with Hashem and the safer Torah and Rabbi Akiva. Now when we think about it, the whole story again seems very difficult to understand. It almost seems absurd. First of all, the Gemara says Mosha Rabenu sat down and they didn't understand what they were talking about. How is that possible? Mosha Rabenu >> [laughter] >> they couldn't understand a word that Rabbi Akiva said. Everybody else understood and Mosha Rabenu was the only one who just doesn't know, he doesn't get it. I mean let's understand that Mosha Rabenu sat for 40 days and 40 nights at the feet of the greatest uh teacher in history, the author of all wisdom and all ideas, Hashem. He's the one who taught the nation the entire Torah. The Rambam describes Mosha as Min Ha'anushim, the most perfect version of a human being that a person can imagine. The Gemara tells us in a few places that anything that a student will ever innovate in Torah for all of eternity was given to Mosha Rabenu at Mount Sinai because everything is embedded in the code like in the code that was given to Mosha Rabenu. So really Mosha Rabenu was sitting there and he simply couldn't understand the the insights of Rabbi Akiva. That's question number one. But then question number two is his reaction. He doesn't understand and what happens Kocha. He feels very bad. He feels very depleted. Like his energy is removed from him. And he's sitting there and he's not enjoying it. He's weak. But then something happens. Rabbi Akiva quotes him. Rabbi Akiva says when he's asked how do you know this? And what happens then? And what happens then? He says I don't know. Now he's calm. If it wasn't Mosha Rabenu in the story, I could understand what happened. I'm sitting somewhere and I feel like a glump. I'm sitting and sitting and sitting and sitting like a golem. I don't understand a word. I feel I don't belong. I feel maybe foolish. I feel idiotic. I feel like I don't know, whatever I feel like. It's not a good feeling. And then I hear that the TEACHER QUOTES RABBI YOSSI. HE HEARD IT FROM ME. BARUCH HASHEM, I GOT MY VALIDATION. My ego got back on line. Thank God I'm not this worthless, inconsequential, wretched Should I use other adjectives? Okay, you got it. Preacher, thank God I was quoted. Or somebody once told a reporter, "I don't care what you write about me in the article. Just spell my name correctly." That's it. That's what I need. Right? What do they OH, PUBLICITY. I GET THAT. A person's ego was wounded. Where am I in this picture? Do I belong? Why am I even here? What am I doing with my life? We all understand these thoughts. And then suddenly, you're quoted as the source. I get it. It's a Yashar Koach. But, this would seem very, very difficult and strange to apply to the person that the Torah calls Ish Ha Elohim, a man of God. And about the Torah testifies, "Well, Ish Moshe Anav Mi Kol Adam Asher Al Pnei Ha Adam." In Parshas Behaloscha, the most humble person on Earth. When a humble person, the most humble person who lived, doesn't understand something, he's destroyed? He's sitting somewhere and he doesn't understand. He's destroyed. And then when they hear his name and he hears his name, he's rehabilitated? What is the meaning of this? What happened here exactly? And if he was destroyed cuz he didn't understand, how is the fact that Rabbi Rebbe quoted him, how did that comfort him? Maybe he was a stroke cuz he didn't understand the Torah. However we explain that, which itself needs explanation. But what happened then when he gets quoted? So now suddenly everything is good. I was quoted. But let's take this one step deeper. When we say Moshe Rabbenu Amasha Ben Adam, Moshe was the humblest person on earth. What does that really mean? Mekol Adam, every human being on earth. And by the way, as the Meforshim say, it means Jews and non-Jews. Mekol Adam is every human being. When Moshe met a person, he felt more humble than every single person. And the obvious question is, what does that mean? It's obviously an authentic experience. It doesn't doesn't just mean that he was faking humility. That's not humility. That's sometimes worse, arrogance. You know, when somebody says, "I'm nothing. I'm nothing. I'm nothing." It's like I don't like when people get up at a Shabbos and they say, "I have nothing to say." You'll forgive me, and I'm thinking, I agree. >> [laughter] >> And therefore, what's the logical thing to do? Sit down, right? 45 minutes later, the guy who had nothing to say AT THAT AT THAT NACH, HE'S STILL TALKING. What are you saying you have nothing to say and then talk 45 minutes? If you have nothing to say, say mazel tov and sit down. He wants a guy who got one up to speak, so the MC says, "This guy doesn't need an introduction, he needs an ending." So we're not talking about fake humility. Like I smile, "Yeah, I'm nothing. I'm nobody. I have nothing to say. I don't know why you invited me." I also don't know why they invited you. Ve'ish Moshe Anav Me'od is like every word of Torah is emes. I should also know it's emes. That means he was really really humble. But that's the question. How could that be? Did he not know about his greatness? If somebody is tall and they say they're short, that's not humility, it's foolishness. If somebody has a tremendous mind and they say, "No, I don't understand anything." What what's the humility here? They're lying to themselves. They're deceiving themselves. Did Moshe not know that Hashem chose him and nobody else? He could have chosen anybody else. He chose him to be the leader. He chose him to be the redeemer. Chose him to make the Jewish take the Jewish people out of Egypt, chose him to give the Torah through him. Moshe is the one who knew that Hashem says about him like come Navi K'Moshe, there was never a prophet like Moshe. In fact, who wrote that Moshe was the most humble person? Moshe Rabbeinu himself, he wrote it. >> [snorts] >> So, he knew about that, too. He even wrote it in the Sefer Torah. What does it mean that Moshe was the most humble person? The answer is as follows. The Baal HaTanya writes this very beautiful answer. He says real humility does not mean that you don't know your greatness. That's not humility. That's actually foolish. And it's actually inappropriate. Because somebody who does not appreciate their greatness doesn't utilize their greatness. And if they don't utilize their greatness, they're actually depriving themselves and the world from their gift. It's a mistake we often make equating humility with denial of your strengths, resources, creativity, talents, spiritual or physical power, or any other form of power. Moshe's humility came from something else. He understood that everything he possessed was a gift. He was a channel. He was a It was a divine gift. Of course, he knew his greatness. But, he didn't look at it and say, "I created it. I own it." He didn't hijack it from the source. I once quoted to you something I read, "Creativity is eavesdropping on God." And when you don't just eavesdrop on God, when you're in the presence of God, your creativity doesn't cease. Your creativity never stops. When Moshe says, "Lo ish dvarim anochi, I'm not a man of words, k'vad peh k'vad lashon." So, the explanation the Baal HaTanya gives for this is because he was always so mesmerized and attuned to the source, he couldn't speak. Because whenever you're speaking something, if I'm really listening to something and I'm completely glued to the source and you say, "WHAT ARE YOU HEARING?" I can't talk now. I can't talk now. Right? Speaking is a form of I don't mean it in such a dramatic ways, but it's a form of detachment. Meaning, if I'm completely absorbed in an idea, now I just have to tune in and not distract myself with anything. Speaking already means you contain it. It's in your own personality and now you're going to give it over to somebody else. That's why sometimes you'll see in your life, you listen to something and you're like, "Wow, this is amazing. I'm going to say this over tomorrow." And when it comes time to say it over, I'm like, I don't even know what to say. What happened? The answer is listening and talking are two opposite experiences. Look who's talking about this. Okay. Pun intended. Listening is an experience of bittle, of surrender. That's what real listening is. That's why listening is very hard for many of us. Children know how to listen. Why is it that your child remembers things 30 years later? They remember what you told them when they were 4 years old. I forgot what I did yesterday. But they remember things. The answer is cuz children actually listen. They absorb. Listening is an art. It's suspending everything else and tuning in. That's what listening is. Listening is not an easy thing. Listening takes a lot of humility and surrender and presence. As adults, many of us, we don't listen. We have opinions, right? I'm listening to something and right away, I like it. I don't like IT. VERY BIG OPINION. That's what we do. As a 4-year-old, I don't say, "I like it. I don't like it." "My mother's having a hard day. My mother knows what she" We absorb like a wet sponge. As an adults, we sit with opinions. It's very hard to listen. Sometimes I wait for the person to finish just like I could prove them wrong. >> [laughter] >> There's no real listening anymore, right? So, the Alter Rebbe says something amazing. He says, Moshiach says, "I'm not a man of words cuz I never stop listening." He's not communicating cuz he's absorbed in the source. He's mesmerized by the infinite. He's glued to the infinite. How can you talk? And it's Hashem who said, the same one who authored the infinite is also the one who authored words and you can go speak. So, Moshiach Rabbeinu's humility came from the fact that he didn't hijack it. He understood that everything is a gift. Hashem has gifted him. And he's a channel. And then Moshiach Rabbeinu realized, so how can I feel superior to anybody? But he realized something else. Maybe if God would have given the same strength and the same gifts to somebody else, that person may have maximized them and utilized them even better than I. So, despite the fact that he knew exactly who he was and he knew exactly his greatness and his gifts and his mission and his shlichus and he was not denial of any of it. And sometimes he had to stand up. He had to stand up to Paroh. He had to stand up to Korach. He had to stand up to Dasan and Aviram. He had to stand up to the spies. He stood up. He was Moshiach was a warrior on many levels. The first story about Moshiach Rabbeinu was he stood up to an Egyptian beating a Jew, who we spoke about a few weeks ago and ultimately the child was born, the whole story with the one who cursed in Parshas Emor. That's the first story. He wasn't afraid. He wasn't timid. He wasn't like, "Yeah, I'm a nobody." But Moshiach Rabbeinu understood that essentially this was all a divine gift and he's here to channel it. And then he realized, and maybe somebody would have gotten the same gifts, they may have utilized them much in a much more acute and profound way and therefore he could remain completely, completely humble. This is that understanding. Now, let's see what happens here. Moshiach Rabbeinu, this is how he lives. He genuinely lives this way. He feels it. He realizes it. He is simply a humble channel and he's more humble than everybody because other people don't always realize that it's a divine gift. They can hijack it. Like we spoke a few weeks ago about how Dovid Omer, you remember maybe saying something in the name of the one who said it. And the moral says that it means that everything you identify the one who said it. But could never delude himself. He was always in the presence of the in the presence of and therefore he was more humble than every person on earth because he lived with this consciousness. So his whole life he lived this way but he never really met somebody who had the same gifts like him and may have utilized them even more. And then one day he met his match. One day he meets his match. Who? Rabbi Akiva. Rabbi Akiva is the person that says he will understand parts of the Torah that even you're struggling with. Those little lines, those little thorns on top. Not only that, he's sitting in his Yeshiva and he sees Rabbi Akiva is saying things that he doesn't understand. So finally all of his beliefs were brought into fruition. Suddenly he met a man, a human being whom gave gifts equal to him. And he may have used them even better. So this was actually the litmus test where humility can actually be fully fully exercised and utilized and experienced. So can actually be happy and say, "Oh, I was good to be humble my whole life. Look, my humility was completely on target." Instead what happens? Tasha's Kocha. uncharacteristically is lost. He's demoralized. He's upset. Something is really bothering him about this. Great. Everything that you believed your whole life was just literally brought in front of your eyes. And could think, "Yeah, wow, amazing. Look at Rabbi Akiva. Wow." This is actually the moment the testing of his entire humility and instead it seems like he actually gets very upset. There's something he's not liking here. Something he does not get. And when he's quoted, HELLO MY CHILDREN few thank God even Akiva quotes me. How do we understand this? So, So, I'm going to go down memory lane and share with you something I heard at one of my brochos and I got married Hashem to my better half in the June 1999. Yes, I'm a baby. I'm a baby. Trying to grow up slowly but not too fast. And at my brochos was afternoon. I remember I think it was brochos We got married in Pittsburgh where my wife is from. And at the brochos and I think in a show called it was my father's baby brother who passed away a number of years ago his name was Jacobson. And he was actually born circumcised. He was born after a bris and his birthday is Zion other the same birthday like the same and the same and the same and the same and the same and the same and the same He was a very very pure man, very pure person. So, at our at that afternoon was shortly after this. He wanted to I guess give a message to the people there including maybe the groom yours truly. That would be very meaningful. And uh I can't tell you that I remember every speech I heard in 1999, especially at Sheva Brachot and you know, chassan is not always uh concentrating. But I remember what he said then. Because it had such an impact on me. First of all, the the the magnitude of the insight and the relevance to life. And I did I did not know it before. And he said that he wants to share with the crowd something that he himself heard from the Lubavitcher Rebbe Shabbos Parshas Shmini Tafshin Chovav. 1966. This was '99. So, this is 1966. He was a Yeshiva bochur. And the Rebbe had a farbrengen Shabbos Shmini. And he shared an insight and he wants to give it over the way he remembers it from '66. And he wants to say that at the Sheva Brachot. And what was it? It was this story about Moshe and Rabbi Akiva. So, he said over at the Sheva Brachot what he heard then in 1966 Tafshin Chovav from the Lubavitcher Rebbe explaining how he understood at least one perspective of the story. And the point was as follows. What was bothering Moshe was not the genius of Rabbi Akiva. What was perturbing Moshe was not that he did not comprehend the shiur. What was perturbing Moshe was not that Rabbi Akiva is speaking and he doesn't feel that he is in the center of attention. Send my regards. What Rabbi Akiva is bothered by is I could understand a person who has a wounded ego and many of us do and it's normal. Sometimes you you know you know when you're at an event and you feel You need a child to to fix the phones cuz adults are not good with these things. There's something called off, there's something called vibrate. Your 2-year-old is better at this, yeah? Than a lot of us. Us. But you could do off. There's something called off, that shouldn't be too complicated. Unless you're expecting Trump to be calling you about Iran, then don't turn it off. Okay. We all understand, you know, sometimes you're at an event and I want to be the center I feel like I'm not the center of attention and sometimes people work very hard to be at the center of attention. They do it very skillfully. Sometimes garbed in other interesting ways because it's hard for people who are not very confident internally not to be the center of attention. People who are very confident are fine not to be the center of attention. I am who I am and I'm showing up in the way I'm supposed to show up. But if I am wounded, right? It's very very difficult. So we could understand that with wounded egos. That's not what was bothering my Shul Rebbi. It's a very very superficial explanation. It would explain why when his name was mentioned he was brought to life, but something is off. What was bothering him was something much deeper. And that is the Medrish Shmuel says something very very powerful. If you take a look in your next source, everybody knows this, the opening of Pirkei Avos. The opening of the Ethics of the Fathers which we learned for 6 weeks till Shavuos. Last week Shabbos was chapter 6. How does it open up? Pirkei Avos perek aleph, everybody knows. Moshe kibel Torah mi Sinai, misarah l'Yehoshua, Yehoshua l'zkeinim, zkeinim l'nevi'im, nevi'im l'Anshei Knesses Hagdoloh. Hey mom where's my shirt today? Moshe received the Torah from Sinai. He gave it over to Yehoshua. Yehoshua gave it over to the elders. The elders gave it over to the prophets. The prophets gave it over to Anshei Knesses Hagdoloh. And this by the way goes for hundreds and hundreds of years because they entered into Eretz Yisrael 440 years after Yitzchak Avinu I'm sorry, they entered Eretz Yisrael 40 years after Yitzchak Avinu, the Beit Hamikdash was built 440 years later. It stood 410 years. So, you're talking about close to 1,000 years. And the Midrash will ask a question. He says, "One second. Everybody here is referred to by name, besides when it comes to Moshe and Hashem." Moshe gets the Torah from Sinai. He gives it to Yehoshua. Yehoshua gives it to the Zekanim. The Zekanim gives it to the Nevi'im. Moshe got it from Sinai. It says that Moshe Kibel Torah May Hashem, May Hakadosh Baruch Hu. He didn't get it from the mountain. He got it on the mountain, near the mountain, not from the mountain. Right? It doesn't say Moshe Masar LeYehoshua. He gave it over to a table where Yehoshua was sitting at. He didn't give it to him. He gave it to Yehoshua. But here it says Moshe Kibel Torah MiSinai. It's strange. Sinai was just a prop. It was a mountain, very important mountain. So, the Midrash Shmuel says something powerful. It says Moshe Kibel Torah MiSinai means Moshe learned how to receive Torah from Sinai. Cuz we all know Chazal tell us that there was a competition of the mountains, which mountain is going to receive the Torah. And Sinai is is is much smaller, shorter than many other mountains. Machich Mikol Turaya, Har Tavor, Har Chermon, all the mountains that are tall. And Har Sinai, which is a humble mountain, received the Torah. So, what the Chazal are trying to say here that Moshe Rabbeinu from Sinai learned that the prerequisite for real learning Torah is always humility. Humility. And humility is the ability for a person to be able to really suspend their preconceived notions, their egos, their fears, their insecurities. And as we spoke before, really, really be able to listen. This is true with any wisdom. If I have an agenda, I'll never be able to absorb anything. That's also true emotionally. Sometimes a person may have told me something 10 years ago, but I didn't hear it. Physically, I heard it. I wasn't capable of hearing it. There were too many blockages. 10 years later, you're like, "Ah, that's what they meant." What happened? The information was the same, but the state, the posture of the human psyche was not the same. To really be able to hear something new, never mind something that will shake up the tectonic plates of my comfort zones, coping mechanisms, and survival templates, I need to be able to really be open. It's very hard. There's a natural tendency to be defensive. I'll hear what I'm ready to hear. I'll hear what do they say? People hear what they want to hear. Balaam wanted to hear from God that you should go to Balak and curse the Jewish people. And you know what? THAT'S WHAT HE HEARD. The Gemara says, but Derek Shaddai writes a letter to Malachim. So, you hear what you want to hear. You don't hear what you don't want to hear. Yeah, there was a fellow I knew in my community. He was very, very wealthy. And uh sometimes uh people would go over they would ask for something and he would go, "Ah." So, the guy would say it again, and then again, "Ah." And then he says, "Let me tell you something. As a hammer hits the nail, so I reckon it the second time." If I didn't choose to hear it the first time, I won't HEAR IT THE SECOND TIME. I WON'T HEAR IT THE THIRD TIME. YEAH, I'm not listening. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, at least he was honest about it. Sometimes I'm blocked. There's an amazing possuk in Tehillim. You see the next one to Tehillim, Kapitel Mem. Aznayim Karisa Li. Dovid Hamelech says, "You dug ears for me." Really, you dug ears for me? Don't we all have more or less identical ears? You dug ears for me. What's the meaning of this? I heard a beautiful interpretation from Rabbi Akiva Tatz, I think in the name of Reb Moshe Shapiro. I got it from Moshe Shapiro. It's from the Maharal, I believe from the Maharal of Prague, who says, David Hamel says, in order to really be able to hear Tora, you need to dig out special ears, asnayim karisoli. You need to create special space, a special cavity, in order to be able to think in a new way, to be able to hear the divar Hashem. Tora is not just information. It's not just more AI, it's ChatGPT answering questions. There is information. It's a way of thinking. It's a divine frequency. In order to be able to experience that, asnayim karisoli, you have dug ears, it's a special set of ears. Not just physical, as you know, in ears they say there's Herod and there's their Herod. Shma Yisrael, has to Shma Yisrael, right? You know already our Shma, shh, mm, ah, our Shma. So, asnayim karisoli means that ability to be able to hear something, hear something very, very new, very new. And if my defenses don't feel safe, they're not going to let me hear something new. Very often when I hear something new, either I put it into an old file and I say, oh, I knew it already. Or I say, oh, it's apikoros, it's heresy. You see the common denominator? Either I fit it into a paradigm that already works, or I say this is ridiculous, this is horrible, this is not Judaism. Because for something to challenge me, >> [laughter] >> no, that we don't do. At this point I'm set up, I created a life for myself, this is where we stay l'olam va'ed. Asnayim karisoli, you actually dug ears to be able to actually hear. It's a very deep, it's deep, not just intellectual work. It's deep emotional work, it's vulnerability, it's authenticity. The Mishnah says in Pirkei Avot, it's very famous, Elisha ben Avuya, the one time he's quoted. What does Elisha ben Avuya say in Pirkei Avot? It's also perek dalet. He says, when you teach Tora to a child it's like writing in clean parchment. When you teach Torah to an older person, it's writing on a parchment that has been written and erased and erased again and again and again. It's not absorbed so well. And the question is what's what's his message in Pirkei Avot? That if somebody is old, it's like okay, it's a fallen, waste of time. I mean, you could have encouraged people to teach Torah to children. Like why is he knocking those who are learning when they're old? I mean, Rabbi Akiva started Rabbi Yoshua ben Hananiah was a was a Rabbi Akiva's own student started when he was 40 years old. So what's the message? It's a lost cause? Your parchment was erased again and again and again. Don't write on it. He could have said the positive. And like what's the message? Yeah, we all know that children learn things very fast. You could teach children languages swiftly. Try learning a new language when you're older. It's very very hard. Maybe you'll get three words. Spasiba nemnozhko khorosho. The answer to this is also very profound. The Rebbe once shared, and he said as follows. He said he's not talking about age. He's talking about attitude. There could be a 70-year-old, there could be an 80-year-old, there could be a 90-year-old who's learning like a child. And there could be a 20-year-old who's learning like an old person. Children have the skill, the uncanny skill to be open to actually absorb. There's a freshness. I can actually hear something new as a child. At a certain point in life, I can't hear anything new. Either it conforms to the old or I reject it. Either I put it into a previous notion or I reject it. And that stifles all real growth in life. Because all real growth in life is to be able to ask Hashem, can you dig out ears for me that I should be able to hear what's being said? I shouldn't respond from a place of survival, from a place of defensiveness, from a PLACE OF NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. IT'S YOUR FAULT. That need to respond that way blocks me off from hearing anything new. Now that doesn't mean everything anybody says is right, but it means I have the ability to discern and to be able to let it simmer inside of me and to be able to distinguish between that which will ultimately prove very authentic and mentor me and grow and challenge me and stimulate me to that which really doesn't belong to me. So as Karis Ali is a very very special special gift. It's true with all wisdom, but when it comes to Torah wisdom it becomes infinitely more true because you're talking about divine wisdom. So if I have any agenda, intellectual, emotional, social, even spiritual I am not a cali, I am not a vessel to really absorb the divine wisdom which is transcendent. And that's why the first rule in receiving Torah is the ability to surrender my fear my traumas, my ego, my insecurities. That's the first prerequisite. Only then can I be only then is there somebody to receive. You know, they say a story about a student who came to his master. He said, "I want to learn, I want to learn the truths of life." He says, "Sure, sure, but before we begin before we begin, tell me why." He says, "I KNOW SO MUCH, I KNOW SO MUCH, BUT I WANT TO KNOW MORE, I want to be perfect, I want to be complete." He says, "Beautiful, but can I offer you a cup of tea?" Absolutely. So he takes the mug to his aunt and he starts pouring the tea and it gets filled to the top and he pours and pours and pours and now it's overflowing and his hands are wet and his suit is wet and it's hot. He says, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" He says, "What are you doing?" He says, "What's the problem? I'm pouring you tea." He says, "YOU CAN'T, THE CUP IS FULL." HE SAYS, "YEAH, YOUR CUP is full. I can't put anything into it." There's nothing I can put into it. If you're not going to empty it out if you're not going to empty out, I can't put in any tea. If this is true with tea, you think it's not true with wisdom? You think it's not true with truth? You think it's not true with authenticity? It takes deep humility and deep courage to be able to remain open because we learn to survive and defend ourselves. You attack me, I attack you back. Sometimes I do it in very sophisticated and clever ways, but that's the way to do it. So, Moshe came up to Har Sinai to be able to dig out these new ears to be able to be a true true student. I'm looking for truth. I'm looking for authenticity. I'm looking for the real true energy of the world. That's what Moshe Rabbeinu learned from Sinai. There's a famous expression in Sifrei Mussar, it's in Hebrew. Don't get confused with English. Kol ga'avah shaita, every arrogant person automatically is a shaita. Why? The answer is because arrogance is the greatest contradiction to real learning, to real wisdom. Now, now let's [snorts] understand something. Moshe comes in to your Rabbi Akiva's class. He sits behind the eight line eight lines. He hears the shiur. Velo hayah yodea ma amar im lo amar. He doesn't know what is going on. It doesn't say he doesn't understand, he doesn't comprehend. Moshe got understood the shiur. The students understood, he also understood. There was something velo hayah yodea. There was something he didn't know. There was something he wasn't connecting to. Das also means connection. What was bothering him? What was it? For this we have to understand something about Rabbi Akiva. Now, the way our sages taught us about people is where we often through stories or sometimes through their teachings. Through their teachings you can understand. If you remember our Lag BaOmer class, we spoke about the bow and the arrow. Why we shoot bow and arrow. We spoke about Rabbi Akiva who mastered more than anybody else the idea that we are the arrows of Jewish history. And the more the arrow is pulled back, the further it travels with more potency, with more strength, with more resilience. And that became the story of his life. What we find in Rabbi Akiva more than anybody else is the ability to reinvent himself constantly. He doesn't have one life, he has many lives. He is reborn, reborn, and reborn yet again. He never gets stuck. His pulsating mind is so courageous and creative that he's always seeking more, he's always growing. Till he comes from a family of non-Jews. So, that's one rebirth. Joining a new people. But till 40, he doesn't know I'll think about Judaism. And there's a second rebirth. Where he suddenly learns and then he has 24,000 students and then they die and he's reborn again. And in every stage, he rises to the top, literally. But there's one statement of Rabbi Akiva that really captures his perspective of learning. And we have it here in the source. There's a possuk in Mishlei Perek Hey, beautiful possuk in Proverbs. I want you to notice what is awkward about Hamelech's statement. SHAY MAYIM MIBERECHA. DRINK WATER FROM your cistern. Boyar is a pit in which you built water, a cistern it's called. But venozlim metoch be'erecha. And drink running water from your be'er. You see, first he says drink water miberecha and flowing water metoch be'erecha. You know the difference between boyar and be'er. Anybody knows the difference? Boyar is a cistern, be'er is a spring, a well spring. In a cistern, the water is not alive anymore. It was alive, but it was taken and put into a cistern which which used here for storage. A be'er is a living well, ba'er mayim chayim. It's a pulsating spring. It's It's alive. That's why we call it alive, cuz it's flowing. So, first he uses the word ba'er, drink water FROM YOUR CISTERN. FLOWING WATER FROM YOUR WELLSPRING. THAT'S WHY THE first time he says mayim, the second time he says noizlim, cuz in a cistern it's not flowing, it's just there. In a ba'er, it's noizel. Noizel means it flows. We know, for example, the laws of mikvah, there's a big difference. You can have a mikvah of rainwater, but it's in a cistern, it's stored away. It used It was rainwater, but now it's just here. A ba'er is a mayan, it's a living wellspring. In some cases of impurity, you need that level of mikvah. So, what's this What are these two things? And then the possuk continues, yafutsu mayanosecha, chutz oveyr chutz oveyr choyvois palgei mayim. YOUR SPRINGS WILL GUSH FORTH in streams in the public squares. Mayanosecha, your springs, yafutsu will gush will disseminate outside in the in the public squares. Yeah, this is where Where do you think they took it from? >> Okay. Yeah, yeah. There's a letter There's a letter from the Baal Shem Tov, the famous letter from the Baal Shem Tov that he wrote to his brother-in-law, Reb Gershon Kitover. He had a brother-in-law, Reb Gershon Kitover. And he says, Rosh Hashanah 5507, Rosh Hashanah 1746, he had aliyas haneshama on Rosh Hashanah. His neshama ascended. And he went into the heichal of Mashiach. He went into Mashiach's chamber. And he asked him, eimasai kosi Mashiach, when are you going to come? And Mashiach quoted him a possuk. Which possuk? In Mishlei, perek hey, possuk yud zayin, Proverbs 5:16. Sheyefutsu mayanosecha chutzah. When your wellsprings will gush forth and be disseminated chutzah, outward meaning, into every crevice of a person's world, a person's psyche, and the whole world. So, from this came the song Can I say something to That's from the letter of the Bal Shem Tov. He asked him, "When are you coming?" Must I Must I Must I When are you coming? You have to know how Jewish songs work. Okay? The letter doesn't say Must I Must I Must I Must I Must I Must I Must I. But, in a song, that's what you do. >> [laughter] >> You get it? Yeah yeah yeah That's what you mean, yeah? Look, "Show your foot some That's This is the pasuk." "Drink water from your cistern, flowing water from your well. Let your springs gush forward outward, and fill all the public squares with the water." Yes. Is this the expedited consciousness we were talking about? If you have that actual Oh, this is expedited divine consciousness, of course. Why did Mashiach tell this to the Bal Shem Tov? What's the point? Because when Mashiach comes, it says the Navi Yeshayahu says, "Mala aretz de'ah Hashem kamayim l'yam mechassim." The world will be filled with divine awareness like water covers the sea. So, your futzu maynosecha, when your wellsprings, the Bal Shem Tov came to teach pnimiyus ha'Torah, divine consciousness, when it's going to be a futzu, when a person will be able to live with it chutzah, even in the most outer parts of my psyche. Meaning, even in the lowest parts, our most fragmented, wounded, insecure parts will be filled with those wellsprings in the individual and collectively. That is the revelation of Toras Ha'Geulah. That is redemptive consciousness. That's the frequency of infinity. And it's not intellectual, it's experiential, it's embodied. Your futzu That's what means your futzu. It shouldn't stay in the brain. There's so many that say that's the goyisha Well, there's meditation and breath work and oneness. Flows pun intended, yeah? So, we'll see we'll see the balance here. That's what we're going to see in a moment. Comes Rabbi Akiva and he makes a comment on this possuk. What's his comment? Fascinating comment. He tunes into the difference of a cistern and a well. And here's the big question. When you're learning Torah, which one should you be? Should you be a cistern? Should you be a well? A cistern means just be there and receive the water. Just be an open pit. Pour the water. I'm here to receive. I'm waiting for the water. A well is different. A well, you're generating the water. You're not receiving the water. You're creating it. Comes Rabbi Akiva and says, This is a a a Rabbi Akiva says it in in Sifrei. Okay, it fell out from here. I'll read it to you. I have to put it in. Rabbi Akiva says as follows. A bor, a cistern in the beginning, doesn't produce even one drop of water. Only receives it. And he says, that's the beginning when a talmid chacham or any student is just receiving what they're learning. But then he says, don't be a bor. Make sure you turn into a be'er. Be'er mishma'alas mayim chayim mikol tzodav. Says Rabbi Akiva in Sifrei Parshas Eikev. The wellspring fills up with water from all of its sides. It keeps on replenishing itself. He says, become a source where students will not stop coming to learn from you. Because you're not just repeating SOS, same old sushi, same old spaghetti. Rather, they're constantly coming to re-learn from you. And Rabbi Akiva says, that's your food to my chacham chotza. That's what Rabbi Akiva says. This showed what Rabbi Akiva's thought process was. In fact, of Gemara tells a very interesting story in Brachus that they were once sitting at a meal. Reb Gamliel was the senior sage and he held that when you eat dates or other fruits of Shiva Minim you have to do a regular benching. That's what he held. And Rebbi Akiva said that when eating dates, which was a very common food staple then, and they were about to do the grace after meals, Rebbi Akiva gave permission. He said, "Now it's time to bench." So the Gamara says Rebbi Akiva, who was a very, very young student, jumped in and he said the Bracha al ha'eitz v'al pri ha'eitz, which we call Bracha Me'ein Shalosh. Because he disagreed with Rebbi Gamliel. So Rebbi Gamliel said, Rebbi Gamliel said, "Rebbi Akiva, Akiva, I understand that the elders are arguing, but what ma atah machnis roshcha? What are you sticking your head into this argument?" So he said, "Rebbi, no, this is not your opinion, but yachid v'rabim, halacha k'rabim. When there's an individual and the majority disagrees, we follow the majority and therefore that's what I chose." So you see here Rebbi Akiva was not afraid in front of Rebbi Gamliel to do something that he felt was the right thing and even though Rebbi Gamliel challenged him. He said, "Where do you come in?" And Rebbi Akiva said, "This is not a personal thing, but this is the truth." So now let's come back to the story of Moshe Rabbenu. Moshe Rabbenu comes into the Beit Midrash. Rebbi Akiva is teaching. And Rebbi Akiva, remember, he teaches us not to stay a bor or a cistern, but to become a be'er, to become a wellspring. Now remember, Rebbi Akiva had a teacher, a rebbe. His name was Rebbi Eliezer. And when Rebbi Yochanan ben Zakkai spoke about five students in Pirkei Avot's chapter two, there's five students. His first one is Rebbi Eliezer. What's his compliment for Rebbi Eliezer? Bor sud she'ein bo ma'avid tipa. Bor, not be'er. Bor sud. Bor sud is a cistern with plaster. No leaks, so not a drop is lost. That was the compliment for Rabbi Eliezer who was Rabbi Akiva's teacher. He remembered everything. HE [clears throat] RETAINED EVERYTHING. COMES RABBI AKIVA AND SAYS NOW it's time to go from bur to be'er. START OFF AS A BUR, you got to receive, BUT GO INTO A BE'ER. REPLENISH THAT WATER. FIND CREATIVITY. So Rabbi Akiva teaches his students, don't just stay there as passive, great, humble students to receive. I want you TO BECOME WELLSPRINGS. YOU BECOME THE SOURCE. Don't just receive FROM THE SOURCE, YOU BECOME THE SOURCE. That's what Rabbi Akiva says in Sifrei Akav, let students constantly come to you, Yafutzu mainasecha chutzah. So in other words, Rabbi Akiva has this revolutionary spirit in his heart, in his soul, in his activities. And ultimately, he is the one who gave the backing to Bar Kochba to take on the Romans. Remember Rabbi Akiva, around 60 years after the destruction of the Beit Hamikdash, joined, not only joined, but became one of the leaders of the Bar Kochba revolt. The Rambam says that he said Ben Kochba is Mashiach. And the Rambam says he was a nosei keilov. He was He became a servant, so to speak, to Ben Kochba because Rabbi Akiva represented a certain fearless leadership on every level, intellectual, social, emotional, even political. Unfortunately, the Bar Kochba revolt failed. Rabbi Akiva himself was killed. But it shows you Rabbi Akiva's spirit. Not only that, the Gemara SAYS WHEN A FOX comes out of Kodesh Hakodashim, everybody is sobbing. And he's laughing. Where everybody else is crying, he sees it completely different. He says, I see it at the beginning of redemption. Where everybody sees destruction, he sees the beginning of redemption. And that's why he's not afraid to debate Rabban Gamliel, even when it comes to the question of what do you make in terms of benching after you eat a date. Comes with Moshe Rabbenu and he's listening to the lecture of Rabbi Akiva. And what does he see in Rabbi Akiva? He sees a giant. He sees a genius. He sees the captain of a ship who's navigating this ship in tumultuous water without fear. He sees somebody who knows and masters the Torah and who Hashem himself said that I'll quote quotes for quotes. He sees in every little line and thorn tilai tilam shalom alaches. HE BUILDS MOUNTAINS FROM IT. This shows you what type of mind and heart this person has. Not only that, the Midrash says that things that Moshe Rabbeinu didn't know were revealed to Rabbi Akiva. One thing Moshe did not notice. And this caused him tremendous anguish. And the Rebbe said what Moshe Rabbeinu did not see at this moment was he did not see Rabbi Akiva the humble, loyal student. He saw Rabbi Akiva the giant. The creative soul. The ever the never-ending, pulsating, rejuvenating, creative wellspring. The mind that did not cease. The heart that did not fear. The soul that was ready to explore and give birth to new divine ideas constantly every moment. What he did not see in Rabbi Akiva was the humble, dedicated, loyal chosid, the talmud, the student. This perturbed Moshe very, very deeply. Because Hashem says that Rabbi Akiva is the man. He knows about Torah more than Moshe Rabbeinu knows. HE KNOWS THE CROWNS ON THE safer Torah. AND MOSHE KNOWS THE KEY QUALITY IN TORAH IS THE SURRENDER. Oznaim Karishli. Moshe kibbel Torah mi Sinai. Onav mi oyd. The complete surrender. The openness. No agenda. Completely not about me. Completely a channel to truth. Absolutely no ego. And he did not see this egolessness in Rabbi Akiva. He saw the self-assertion. HE SAW THE CONFIDENCE. HE SAW THE CREATIVITY. HE SAW THE BRILLIANCE. Tashash kochoi, he felt weak. He was weakened. Moshe Rabbeinu was chvat peh chvat lashon, he didn't open his mouth. The Ram says, why did God choose a leader who can't speak? And you know why? So nobody should say that Moshe Rabbeinu's charisma and ORATORY SKILLS IS WHAT CAPTIVATED THE JEWS. He was AN UNBELIEVABLE SPEAKER. HE HAD UNBELIEVABLE SKILLS. EVERYBODY WAS "AH, IT WAS AMAZING, MOSHE." NOBODY COULD SAY THAT. THE MAN COULDN'T TALK. SO WHY DID THEY LISTEN TO HIM? THE ANSWER IS shkida v'da'abara b'da'agrona, it wasn't impressive. THAT'S WHAT THE RAM WRITES ABOUT MOSHE, WHY CHVAT PEH CHVAT LASHON. WHY THAT HAPPENED. The Drashos HaRan. Rabbi Akiva, exact opposite. Now if you COULD JUST SAY, "OKAY, Rabbi Akiva was a brilliant darshan, he was a brilliant scholar, he was a brilliant speaker." But Moshe knew he wasn't. Moshe knew that he was giving over Torah. The Rebbe said Moshe felt that it was chachmas dikdusha. Moshe had a sense. He knew Rabbi Akiva is not just a talented fellow. He's giving over divine wisdom. Rabbi Akiva, it says, was the channel of the whole Torah Shebaal Peh. Kulo al yedei Rabbi Akiva. But the prerequisite for that is complete bittul, complete surrender. So something in Moshe Rabbeinu was was weak and something was was painful. And then and then something happened. What happened? Rabbi Akiva, in building his foundation, says something. And the students stop and say, "Rebbe, Hamin ayin ulach? What's your source?" What's your source? And what does he answer? He says, Halacha l'Moshe miSinai. When the question is raised to him, "What's the source of everything? YOU JUST BUILT A MANSION. YOU BUILT A SPIRITUAL INTELLECTUAL SKYSCRAPER, BUT WHAT'S THE SOURCE? WHAT IS IT BUILT ON? PROVE IT TO US." AND MOSHE HAS three words, "Halakha l'Moshe miSinai." This is what Moshe heard from Sinai and he passed it on to us. Maybe I can prove it. Maybe I can't prove it. Maybe I can persuade you. Maybe I can't persuade you. YOU CAN POSE ANY CHALLENGE IN THE WORLD TO WHAT I SAID, but this is Halakha l'Moshe miSinai and therefore this is absolute. This is what Rabbi Akiva answered. And now I'm going to go back to my Sheva Brachot and my uncle's speech cuz I still remember he quoted what he heard from the Lubavitcher Rebbe in Yiddish. He spoke in Yiddish. It was so emotional the expression I I feel I feel indebted to give you the expression in Yiddish. The Rebbe was explaining this and he said, "Moshe my Moshe had heard Moshe heard from the Rabbi Akiva the words Halakha l'Moshe miSinai." When Moshe had heard Rabbi Akiva he had said, "Halakha l'Moshe miSinai." Had Moshe Rabbeinu said, "Ah! A hot a Rebbe? NISHYASH VADAYTEH." "AH! AH! A HOT A REBBE? NISHYASH VADAYTEH." "AH!" He saw THAT WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE RABBI AKIVA HAS A MASTER AS A REBBE. "HALAKHA L'MOSHE MISINAI. Nishyash vadayteh." Moshe Rabbeinu knew that this was complete. He was completely serene. He was completely calm. At the moment OF TRUTH HE REALIZED RABBI AKIVA WAS THE MOST CREATIVE PERSON IN HISTORY, BUT IT WAS BUILT on Halakha l'Moshe miSinai. AT THE CORE OF EVERYTHING THERE WAS NO EGO. At the core of everything there was complete dedication to authenticity. AT THE CORE OF EVERYTHING HE could just say, "Halakha l'Moshe miSinai." It could be VERY CONFUSING. BECAUSE SOMETIMES YOU SEE a person who's very non-creative. They don't say anything new. It seems like they're dedicated to the source. But really, they may not be daring enough to find who they are. And you could SEE ANOTHER PERSON WHOSE CREATIVITY KNOWS NO BOUNDS. THEY ARE SO GROWTH-ORIENTED, and it could be deceptive. It looks like there's so much ego here. There's so much agenda here. There's so much self-expression. That's what Moshe was worried about, and it made him weak. Because the ultimate weakness is when the ego hijacks God. There's no weakness like that in the world. That's why from all the words it says "TASHASH KOCHA." HIS KOCHA WAS DEPLETED. There's nothing as weakening in the world for you or anybody for me, anybody, WHEN THE EGO HIJACKS WHAT BELONGS TO HASHEM. That's the ultimate weakness, because it loses all of its strength. It's like when you cut off the water from the well, literally. It's like you cut off chas v'shalom the brain from the from the blood flow. You lose all life. It's done. The ego then has to replace it with fakiness, FAKE VALIDATION. TASHASH KOCHA. BUT SUDDENLY, REBBE AKIVA, WHAT HE SAW SUDDENLY WAS at the moment of truth Halacha l'Moshe miSinai. He was completely confident. This is what Moshe gave over from Sinai. This is what Hashem said. We're good. This is it. This is Yashrus ha'Emes. MOSHE SAW THAT TRUTH. AH, "ECHOD ECHOD ECHOD." THIS IS YASHRUS HA'EMES. IT SHOWED the whole truth of Rebbe Akiva. Rebbe Akiva wasn't just an intellectual, brilliant man who built mountains. YEAH, HE BUILT MOUNTAINS AND MOUNTAINS AND MOUNTAINS, BUT WHAT WAS AT THE CORE OF ALL THE MOUNTAINS? AT THE CORE OF ALL the mountains was authenticity. At the core of all the mountains was At the core of all the mountains that he built was complete loyalty, complete dedication, complete truth, complete Ahavas And we all know in a moment of truth when the Romans did what they did to Rabbi Akiva as they were torturing him. He [snorts] said he may BE THE GREATEST ARTIST, HE MAY BE THE GREATEST MASTER, THE GREATEST CRAFTSMAN. HE WROTE the most amazing beautiful symphonies in the world of Torah. But the foundation of it all, the opening and the goal was the humility, the surrender. If you notice, I want to show you something. If you'll take a look in your next source mission of all of Yossi ben Yoezer straight away man. Your heavy base base of my fire baby choice about some as different. What does that mean? In let your home be a house where sages meet. Miss a big my fire is usually you should hang out in the dust near their feet cuz they used to sit on the floor. And drink their words with thirst. I'm kind of a larger. [clears throat] Has a period called kind of a pick your office. And he says the word miss a big comes from which word? By the of a each email. Jacob wrestled with the angel. My is a wrestling match. They have a miss A BIG MY FIRE he says don't just sit by their feet in a passive way. No, no, I want you to be able to fight miss a big. I want you to show courage. I want you to be independent. I want you to be individuated. I want YOU TO BE AUTHENTIC. I WANT you to use YOUR RESOURCES, YOUR TALENTS, YOUR GIFTS, YOUR CREATIVITY, YOUR HEART, YOUR PASSION, YOUR MIND. But one thing my fire with humility. With the power of offer of an option looking for truth not because you're trying to validate a wounded ego, not from arrogance, not from foolishness, NOT FROM THAT TYPE OF HOLLOWNESS, but from a place of authenticity. BUILD YOUR MOUNTAINS BY ALLAH MACHINE MACHINE AND AS A RESULT OF THAT, the word miss Abig is very very very carefully crafted. You know, sometimes people think that a real student a real a real I don't think I don't feel I don't know. I'M JUST PASSING I'M QUIET. IT LOOKS very inviting. I'm just a boy. I'm just a sister. But the truth is what we're learning here is Hashem wants your creativity. He wants you to shine. He wants you to impact THE WORLD. AS QUOTES THE POSSUK. Everybody is given resources physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, whatever they may be financial to illuminate the world. doesn't mean I just remain a passive sister. It means at a moment I CAN EMPTY EVERYTHING OUT and say machine machine BUT AS GOD IS CHANNELING energy through you it's God's creativity that we channel. Heavy miss Abig by fire and flame. Very choice of the brain. Come now. Let's come full circle back to the mountain over their head and you want to know how in the world is this going to connect? Where is a mountain over the head going to help anybody's creativity? >> [snorts] >> So if you see the last two sources we're going to learn something that the taught about this statement of the sages. Take a look which was written by the of the nation. Shamati my the live the higher above all of a sudden. I heard from my teacher the holy by the way is your is on the holy of the holy of the holy of the holy of the holy. Look Why did he do this? Why did he put a mountain over their head? And the answer is l'lameid, to teach. To teach. What does he want to teach? Sometimes a person does not have cheishek. A person does not have what's called passion. A person doesn't feel they have cheishek for Torah or for avodas Hashem. Meikol makom eini ben choidin l'batel. He shouldn't think, "Okay, now it's not for me. I'm finished." He should be able to have the courage to do it even when he or she doesn't feel that they're in the mood. What does this mean? So, the Maggid the next portion Orach L'Chaim Parshas Bo quotes the Maggid of Mezritch, who was the student of the Baal Shem Tov. And he says as follows. Fascinating insight. What were the Jews like when they stood at Sinai? The answer is in a very lofty space, but moichin gadlin. Moichin gadlin means expansive awareness. V'amru naaseh v'nishmah. They said, "We will do >> [snorts] >> and we will understand. We're in." The Gemara says, when the Jews said naaseh v'nishmah, Hashem said, "Who revealed this secret that only the angels know to my children?" That means they were picking up frequencies that are secretive at the time. And this is what their state was at Matan Torah. Amazing. So, why now ruin it with this mountain over their head? >> [clears throat] >> Back to my metaphor. You have this groom and this bride. They have the most amazing relationship. They're completely, completely connected to each other. He says, "Will you want to marry me?" And she says, "Na'aseh v'nishma." You don't even have TO TELL ME WHAT TYPE OF LIFE YOU WANT TO BE WHAT I WANT IT TO BE. IF IT'S WITH YOU, I'M IN. AND SHE MEANS IT. And he says, "Okay, well well well, before we announce it, 1 second. Here's a mountain. If you say yeah, good. If not, you're getting buried here." What? Why ruin it? There was such a beautiful relationship here. Why talk about force? Right? It seems so counter intuitive, counterproductive. It seems so like I don't know what's the right word. Disturbing. Disturbing. Even if they wouldn't agree, this is not a way to build a relationship. CONVINCE THEM. PERSUADE THEM. SHOW UP AS A PRINCE IN SHINING ARMOR ON YOUR HORSE. This is not a way to convince a woman. An elevator? A mountain? And especially she said yeah, she's in. Listen to this. Vayeda Hashem, Hashem knew something. Yitachen sheyipu l'madregasa. People don't always remain in a particular space. People fall. V'yipu hamoychin. Yipu hamoychin means your awareness fails you. The mind plays games. V'yachshuvu she'avodas Hashem lo shayachas aleihem. They will start believing that avodas Hashem is not connected to me anymore. I'm not here. I'm not present. V'zeh kofeh. The kofeh here is a metaphor for something deep. Shegam osh shayachas l'avoyda. Even here there's real avoyda. Even when it feels forced. Serve him according to your capacity and level where you are right now without the need to be dishonest. And without the need to deny your reality without underestimating and making believe that it's insignificant. What does this mean? What is he saying? We all have times in life of mochin degadlus and mochin dekatnus. Mochin degadlus means what you call expansive consciousness. Expansive consciousness is people, especially people who do a lot of internal work, emotional work, spiritual work, know there's moments it's like there's such clarity. It's like, of course we know who I am. Of course I know who I am. Where everything like falls to the sides, all the shtussim, all the narishkeit, and it's like these are just survival templates that I developed in order to protect my fragile ego that doesn't even exist. And it becomes so clear who I am, who I'm not, what I want, what I don't want, what excites me, what doesn't excite me, what excites me simply as a nommer, and what excites me as a genuine expression of my most authentic soul. Anybody ever has those moments of clarity? This table, how's this table doing? Yeah, okay. You understand what I'm saying? Okay. This is called mochin degadlus. It's very clear. You don't have to argue with yourself. Yeah, of course. This I wanted because for 30 years I was trying to numb my pain. Of course I wanted it. I wanted it. I wanted it like I'm a frog. I wanted it cuz I had nothing else. Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz said a fascinating thing in science. Frogs, I mentioned frogs, I remember. Frogs, that's what us ADDs do. Frogs inflate themselves. They have an ability to inflate. When a predator comes, the frog inflates its body and it becomes like All they are is Uh uh, I'm not very good. It's elevated, it's stronger. Like, don't start up, I'm a big frog. Rabbi Adin said it's fascinating that elephants don't have that biological capacity. SAID, "WHY NOT? IT'S NOT FAIR. WHY DID GOD MAKE THIS FLAW IN ELEPHANTS?" AND THE ANSWER is cuz elephants don't need to inflate their bodies to be impressive. Frogs do. So, there's two types of people. There are frogs and there are elephants. And suddenly I realized I behave like a frog, of course. In that sense of tininess, this is what I had to do. Whether it's people's pleasing, whether it's confrontation, whatever it is, fight, flight, freeze, fawn, all these beautiful concepts we talk about. And as a result of that, this is what I did. And suddenly you have this awareness and you realize I'm not a frog, I'm an elephant. Even better, I'm a human being. >> [laughter] >> That's the moment where you have clarity. I'm not defensive. I don't have to be defensive. I don't I'm not protecting something that's fragile. Whenever you're not protecting something that's fragile, you never have to be defensive. I have to be defensive because I know that you are going to destroy me because a frog can easily be destroyed. But we have other moments called the Katniss. Katniss means I don't have that expansive awareness. Yes, right now my infantile, childlike, underdeveloped, immature parts have shown up and they can take me over. This is what happens in life. And by the way, sometimes people do a lot of work on themselves and they get in touch with their Katniss and it's amazing. But what they don't realize is when their Katniss comes up, when it resurfaces, they can easily fall back into that space and all their work is lost. And the reason it's lost is because they get hijacked by those underdeveloped, fearful, overwhelmed, infantile parts that go into their regular coping mechanisms of this is how we do it. This is how we react. And sometimes work of years and awareness is down the drain because in this moment of weakness, I don't have this clarity anymore. What happens at such a moment? Says the Baal Shem Tov an unbelievable insight. That's why Hashem said, "I know we're flying high. We're both flying high at Matan Torah. I want you, you want me, there's nothing else. Ein od Milvado." So, why ruin it with this mountain? He said, "I want I'll tell you, cuz I want our relationship to be even deeper." What is deeper? What's going to be deeper than now? What's going to be deeper than now? Complete awareness, complete oneness. IT SAYS PAR NESHAMA, THEIR SOULS soared into ecstasy to be subsumed in the infinite. THERE WAS FULL EGO DEATH. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT? HE SAYS, "I WANT OUR RELATIONSHIP to persist even when there's no ego death. Even when the ego comes back, even when all the survivals come back, even when you go through a major nefila and suddenly you feel like completely completely out for it. I'm not interested in this relationship. Is the relationship still real or not real? Kaf Aleph HAKAFOS WAS A PREMONITION OF WHAT LIFE OFTEN LOOKS LIKE WHEN THE only thing you can tell yourself is I'm not feeling this. But this is the truth. I'm not passionately enthusiastic about this. But the moment I'm going to remove my blockages, I know that this is a truth. Sometimes you'll have it in a marriage, for example. Couples that are really really connected and they have an amazing relationship. And they go to out together and it's a brilliant. It's splendid. There's one challenge. They think that this is how it's going to be forever. And suddenly the next rupture, the next fight, everything is forgotten. What happened? What they were missing was Kaf Aleph Hakafos. What they were missing was that in the moments of such clarity, can we talk about what happens when we're feeling fear, when we're feeling afraid, when we're We're estranged? When I yeah, a part of me says I'm completely not interested. Two things can happen then. Either they can hijack you and you get stuck in those parts until you do another journey and then you find another part of you and for 3 weeks you're on a high and then you fall back into the infantile space or at this moment of clarity you can actually make room for the fact that there are parts in us clipot shells that are going to show up. They're going to rear their faces and they may not completely disappear. Could you look at them? Hold space for them. Have compassion for them. But don't don't be drawn into them. Say we're not going to react to each other from that space. We're going to notice it. We're going to feel it. We're going to understand the threat. But because we know who we really are, even though right NOW WE CAN'T FEEL IT ALL. There's a lot of fear. We can actually behave and connect from our adult, mature, healed, divine spaces of infinite connection, love, and bliss. And that's what happened. Kof wasn't to ruin the experience. It was to immortalize it. There's going to be a time you're going to say why am I doing this? It feels so I'm NOT INTERESTED. I'M DONE. I'M DONE. I'M FINISHED. AND ALL MY OLD REACTIONS ARE COMING BACK. AND WHAT COULD SAVE IT AT THAT MOMENT? At that moment is something called kof. It's called iskafia. Iskafia means I could say I am going to live according to the highest deepest version of myself even though there are parts of me that are screaming you're not interested, get out of here, SCREAM, HOLLER, DISSOCIATE, RUN AWAY, FRAGMENT, DISCONNECT, BLAME, CONDEMN, SHAME, GUILT, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. EVERYBODY DO IT IN YOUR OWN WAY. And I could watch it. I'm like, "Wow, you're scared. You're scared. Hey, let me give you a hug." But there's actually an adult in the room. Kafa'alei Mar'ki'gish means there comes moments where you're saying, "I'm not interested." So say, "Okay, don't do it." He says, "No, don't make that mistake. Don't run away from this relationship. Challenge yourself." But it MAY IT FEELS FOR FOR FORCED. IT FEELS INAUTHENTIC. IT feels inauthentic because there's a part of me that is afraid of this authenticity. It will clear up in the right time. But know who you are. SO YOU MIGHT SAY, "BUT THAT'S NOT A REAL RELATIONSHIP." Hashem says it was real enough to happen by Matan Torah. And what's the alternative? The alternative is death. That's really It looks like very harsh words. Either you accept it, if not, you get buried under this mountain. Really, that's how you propose? You have nothing better to say to somebody you want? You're going to be buried? But that's really that he's saying the truth. The truth is the alternative is emotional death. Of course you could say no. Of course in a moment where I'm a stranger, I'm like, "No, I'm done with this. I'm finished. I don't need you." And you know what happens? I'm emotionally dead. I close my heart and I go back into my little bubble. That's really the alternative. That's what motivates a person. I may not realize and feel everything emotionally, but I could still be connected to the truth that certain choices will bring me to life and certain choices will deprive me from life. This is the power of Kafa'alei Mar'ki'gish. It's what secures every relationship, even in situations when the feelings that surface may be taking me away from this relationship. People think it's being forced. It's being fake. Being fake is when I'm actually denying my authenticity. I'm not fake. I know exactly what's happening. I see what's happening. And I could say I'm being overtaken by certain negative emotions and yet I want to stay connected to my source of life because whenever there's a moment of clarity, I know what my source of life is. I don't have a question about that. So, even at this moment, I could remain connected to it. This is how it all comes together. Rabbi Akiva's power was he built and built and built and built, but he had a foundation that was unshakeable. Halakha l'Moshe miSinai. What I've seen a lot of people who have done a lot of healing work when you don't have a foundation of Halakha l'Moshe miSinai, ultimately, I start worshipping what feels good at the moment. And even if it's actually taking me away from a lot of truth, that becomes my only parameter. I felt good with the experience. I don't have something to go back to. I don't have an absolute reference point. And when you don't have an absolute reference point, I could do a lot of things and achieve a lot of things, but sometimes my ego can hijack an experience and I start worshipping it. And in the name of that, I destroy myself, I sometimes destroy my family, I do very, very foolish things because my only parameter ultimately was what feels good today and sometimes my ego can hijack that, too, even in the name of spirituality. What Kafa l'Ayin Hakiki says, God says, "I want you to be the most creative person in history. I want you to shine. I want you to live with bliss. I want you to know yourself. I want you to confront yourself. I want you to become not a passive recipient of source, BUT YOU BECOME SOURCE YOURSELF." But remember, in the journey towards truth, the ego can hijack everything. Insecurity can hijack everything. Make sure you have Halakha l'Moshe miSinai at your foundation because at that moment, you could say, "You know what? I'm not feeling it." No problem. Let's see what Halakha l'Moshe miSinai says. If Halakha l'Moshe miSinai says, "This is the truth," I can tell you will not regret embracing this in your life. Even though this part screaming This is what growing up really means. Growing up really means that I do all the work. I need to do the work. And yet I have something very very foundational that keeps me in sync with truth and authenticity. When Moshe heard that, he realized that will transmit the eternity of Torah. Have a beautiful day, a beautiful week. A couple of days of simple premium yes. And next week there's going to be a class. I also want to remind you the night of we have 1:00 a.m. a lecture at 18:45 and the second day of 6:45 and also to mention about the great minute that everybody should hear that should listen in the morning as the says it's reenacting and even if one Jew is not there, the Torah can't be given. So it's good to come with your children and have your grandchildren. Have a thank you. Thank you. It's all right. I'm sorry. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you so much. Really? Wow. No worries. It's fine. It was that you were at the moment of truth. I could send it. Oh, you could have it, yeah. No problem. Yeah, yes, a real scholar here. Yeah, yeah, the notes are good. He probably meant both. He probably meant both. Ah, a hot Rebbe. Same idea. That's true. Same idea. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Excellent. Very good. You got it. You see you're not just a sister, you're a well. The Rebbe said my son. Yeah. Like this now another day gone now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. You're welcome. I got me a young kid a friend of mine young kid. Yeah. Wow, what was his name? What was his address? In Lublin, in Lublin. Wow. Interesting. Okay. Sure. I got me a young kid. Thank you for coming. Tell your sister you can shut it. Huh? Stop, stop, stop, yeah. Regards to the Rebbe's son.