Shattering Stereotypes - Rabbi David Kaplan

[Music] so the there's Gorn Yuma well-known Gomorrah the Quarren starts out the warrant says Totoro bono the word says kiddie Tanya we have to soshim Lokesh Lokesh a mere gotcha hey Shan Shan I am me so here are your cloth they you should be responsible that I caught his work whose name a shame shame should become beloved through you she hate Karev is Shawna Amish Amish Tommy to her calm him you should learn kamesh mishter you should learn learn by tommy tommy bahama so matter no Binaca Seema brios and you should be pleasant when it comes to people all people you have to be treat them pleasantly mob real so morose all of what do people say when they encounter a bento or somebody who represents taurah somebody who comes across as a pleasant person ashtray Aviv shalida Torah Ashley Rachel in doTERRA fortunate is his father taught him to her fortunate are the brios they had for Tara's Rebane would his Rebbe autumn tour oh boy I am lab Rios and then they conclude Boylan boy is a GU Mauro word it's not just the crafts he heard from years ad when he was sitting down boy is actually a word : lab real shallow lambda Torah woe to people who didn't eat learn Torah tonisha lammeter abou common acid drop of Kalamazoo cotton myself look how pleasant he is about me Karev is Sean and Michelle Mitch to meet her found somebody learned it saboteur oh they ain't my so my tone of a moon I have the in deeper open atmospheres Mabrey Osama solo What did he say about somebody who represents story represents yudish guy and does not come across the way a Ventura should so they say oh Lola flow nischala mater oh boy they that he learned Torah I lo love in Chile motor oil all the rubbish like the Torah and so on so forth the career tells us that people intuitively or instinctively relate to our behavior and they create a connection between our behavior they draw a connection to Torah that we've been involved in now I was once many years ago I live in the vehicle and it's a little closer than male ammos but we live in the vehicle and we're I think I don't know where that green line is either I'm not sure I always heard about this green line I've been looking for it I've never seen it you know you know this meets all of the same I still haven't found a green line so lines Israel's very big on lines by the way they have a red line in the Kinneret I don't know if you're aware of that they have the the red line which is the danger line in the Kinneret just to let you know which country you're living in they once had on a live broadcast on the radio there was a drought there had been a series of years of drought and the Kinneret level was about 5 it was about I think 10 centimeters over the red line they had the minister reactor culture on a live broadcast on the radio and they said to sir what are you going to do if the water dips down to the red line and he said it's not a problem we will erase the red line and draw it lower so and and in what happens is if you've been living in the country long enough you know you loose listens you just go oh okay all right that should take care of it because we're used to get sort of thing here so so I know red lines green lines of not quite sure where they are in anyway that was then waiting for the bus here in the blaring stop on the way down in the yorokobi Tesco and there was an elderly man secular elderly man standing to my right and he looked like you know he'd been here since the founding of the state one of those in north tel aviv type people and just then a group of Hader kids got out they were let out of the fading I have to realize they've been sitting in a crowded Hat cater for about 8 to 24 hours and they got out of the fader and immediately right next to the fader there's a snack shop so then they went and got sugar and just then as they came to the bus after a bit they were bit you know they're buzzing and the bus was coming down the hill and I think is the first and only time in my life that actually experienced prophecy don't tell anybody I don't have to give breakfast but the the bus was coming down the hill and I knew exactly what was going to happen before it happened I knew exactly was gonna happen I remember distinctly smiling through the entire thing cause I was so proud of myself knowing exactly what's going to happen and sure enough the bus pulled up right in front of me which I did there was the only part I was a surprise the bus pulled up right in front of me I immediately put my arm against the the wall of the bus to hold back the surge of the kids so that this elderly man could get on and the kids moved to me like a nice moveth through butter and they moved me and I pushed into the old man and then I moved back once they got out oh they're making a lot of noise they get on the bus and the I moved over the old man got on the bus and before and I knew exactly what was gonna be happening when I got on the bus as soon as I got on he was already going and it was he was yelling at these kids he says that's what they taught you in Heder that you should push all people the bus and so if you stop to think about it it's incredibly unreasonable it's a great yes right before they were let out of the fader the Rebbe probably looked at them and said young galosh if you see an old man at the bus stop take him out right is unreasonable is is unreasonable is as you could possibly be he was he was yelling at them at the end of the story was we're going back a long time I wouldn't I wouldn't do this today this was going back about 30 years ago and he started young where did you learn that kind of behavior so I said well from the members of the Israeli Knesset because and the bus drivers started hollering at me how could you talk so since that I've been looking for the Green Line so the the the point is if you stop to think about data is the most unreasonable conclusion you could come up with yes the little kids came out of the Heder what do you think the Rebbe in the theorem because teaching them their heresy see to natori and to then go and make it association if they pushed an old man at the bus stop is because you learn Torah that's what you learned in cater that's lastly we learn a paper because I'll are telling us that when a person represents toward a person is Torah so then you're going to you our gift connection is going to be made when I was learning in cradle throws curl or mortify activities of Connolly Drucker he told us so when we get on a bus if there's anybody standing on the bus no matter what age anybody's standing on the bus and we're sitting we should not sit if even one secular Jew is standing on the bus because they're gonna look around the bus and their reaction is going to be Y is the from guy sitting and I'm standing just the fighters otherwise that's the responsibility that we carry when we represent three bones film and we represent your bones ones the rest of the world whether we like it or not that's the responsibility with privilege goes responsibility that's responsibility that we carry so one of the misconceptions is that the world at large thinks that we think that were flawless the world they're projecting on our mindset and they think that we think that we're perfect or flawless or whatever it is we never made that claim and to the contrary we see because I'll not like that there's a magician voracious rabbit whether sebaceous raba pays I involve the Meldrick says there is a mature Anissa a Roman noblewoman who ran into her be a sabbatical ofte and she said Tara BOC vodka laughter you know that story that about yo safe exotic you know here's a seventeen-year-old red-blooded teenager down in the den of iniquity called Egypt and you're trying to sell us that story that he didn't do anything he ran away from mrs. Potiphar and he didn't sin can you imagine who are you trying to kid over here so rebus he said back to her well let's take a look at the Torah let's see what kind of whitewashing we do here you have Yehuda who was under his father's jurisdiction you have Reuben who was under his father's jurisdiction and yet the torah reports both of them is doing something which according to the plain meaning which he didn't know the literal meaning the literal meaning says that there was something immoral that they did so with Yosef was a teenager outside of his father's jurisdiction if he would have done something wrong we have nothing to gain by whitewashing it we've even talked about somebody who should know better and we say here here's the flaw look what Reuven did in the way the Turner writes it in the literal level it looks like an act of immorality here's what you hooded is she doesn't know the measures that the mala pushed it and therefore it looks for here people who should know better and we don't whitewash for them so I laugh fest counter the comma if we have a Yosef who's a teenager who is outside of his father's jurisdiction he's away at college and he behaves in a way that's inappropriate so we wouldn't might watch it so if we tell you he didn't do something wrong we're not trying to make anything up but even more than that I want to notice about this major issue every single name in the Torah almost almost every single name in the Torah that we look at as you go through the terrific sad almost every single name is criticized Avram Avena said by made the Yitzhak was deceived by ace of Yaakov very two wives Moshe Ravana got angry Aaron with the anger with the eagle and Annan and Miriam with Russian hora you look at every name when they stepped out of line with FEMA dragged us somewhere obviously at their level but the Torah itself tells us that they were behaving in a way that there was a flaw in their character laughs Emad Ragusa why do I do that if cuz I'll say that anybody says dama de Mello sin is making a mistake why should we what why should we wait watch it we don't watch anything besides the proof that Michelle comes from him so obviously it wasn't what people what it looks like on the literal level so if a person takes a look at the Torah is you think you're perfect you from Jews you you project yourself we don't think we're perfect at all even the greatest in history says openly that they had flaws so we never claimed that we are that we're perfect are we better than the rest of society individually and as a group so then we have to take a look at the evidence and see what happens in a total world which we'll see in a moment but the first step in dealing with people and when I say dealing with people I would like to just make a something clear from the outset because this is one of the standard mistakes that's made any time people ask or challenge us you always have to determine from the outset whether the person is asking a question or is making a statement and that means that sometimes the person could ask in quite a firm for example the husband who you know wife says the husband why did you just watch a walk across the floor I just watched it and the husband says well I had to get to the refrigerator to get an Apple wrong wrong broad because that's not that that's not the that's that would be why is it wrong why is it wrong anybody isn't married any great length of time like about 10 minutes understands that because she didn't ask a question as she made a statement when she said why did you walk across the floor so says Rashi she was saying you are an inconsiderate war right and when somebody says that to you that usually the next response should be I apologized right it was inconsiderate of the I am worse than the goat on Yom Kippur you know off the cliff you know that is really the response she's looking for so person has to know was that a question was a statement so particularly know why don't create him go to the army so you know was that a question or was that a statement in question for him if it's a attack my policy and I would suggest your president for a text we don't respond because the verse is not listening to you there are a lot of sharp rejoinders people always say what do you say to somebody who asks you why you this said there are a lot of sharp cute rejoinders that you come up with but they accomplish very very little if a person asks you a question respectfully they're curious a person says to you why is it the creative don't go to the why is it that you're not allowed to turn lights on on Shabbos why is it that women sit in the back of the bus if it's a respectful question they're entitled to an answer the way I approach the answer and I suggest you do the same is they ask the person do you want an answer based on secular values or based on Torah values the secular values secular values the reason we do anything based on secular values is because we feel like it because that's the ultimate secular value secular values as you do it because you feel like it and if you don't do it it's because you haven't got the energy to do it or because you don't feel like it no no no I mean by Torah values Torah values ok now you're on my turf so then I will explain to you and we tell the DMS that's what you say the truth and say why we don't go to the army or what is we have against an unfiltered internet and so on and so for just tell the truth if a person at some point says here but I don't agree with that we weren't talking about you we weren't talk about your value system I had a friend once in when I was in college yeah I was a Catholic and I asked him something I was intrigued by it hurt all my life I didn't know was true or not I said them you know in your religion the wafers and wine in the religious service actually believed that that's part of something about being part of his flesh and blood that it's actually been some day a fancy word that it's actually his his flesh and blood that's got transformed into there in a I was curious I said you actually believe that he said to me you know I've always had trouble with that one all right I was gonna say to me I'm me too especially since on the back of the package says Hodari on the wafer back in our house they fit him into the box I don't know what yeah and it's kind of big but whatever it was me asking what we call him or learn English she talks a lot Lycia tusla I don't agree with it but Liz she tossed out how do you how do you account for this and therefore it's something it's like you want to know why we don't go to the army why you know why I know why we do Shabbos sir how we with the segregation of the genders you want to know why she just say I'll explain to you explain to you why but that's I've taken you in if it's according to the secular value system but let's not confuse the issue I'm not talking about this because we're not secular and this is the secular value if it is a secular Valley the answer is a value only because somebody decided that that's what they feel like doing in their time so that's just as a heck dumber so when a person says you know how could a parade eju behave a certain way what's the MS the answer the truth Lycia to say - not according to secular perspective because the second perspective you think that we think we're perfect from a Torah perspective the reason a person can behave that way is because the Torah was given to us as human beings were not my walk in we have a eight Sahara and once in a while once in a while we we lose ourself what's wrong again I remember myself I think 12 years ago I spoke loshon Hara it happens so there's a there there is a certain amount of there's certain about we don't were human beings that human as human beings we have shortcomings in and failings now what they want to know about a Torah society so at our society people are as curious okay what's in it for me to become a tour a Jew I mean you look like you are a bunch of black headed restricted in unaware that's always one of the favorite one of the favorite canards that they hurl at us is we are unaware so at one time in class you know I once said to the guys in class okay we're unaware can anybody here name the premier of China silence so at first so I don't know if it's a premier of precedence is this and I'm not sure which one it is not one guy in the class said honestly you guys are so unaware you got the biggest country in the world that they're about a 1.5 billion by now its 1.6 and now it's 1.7 I know exactly exactly how many there are you got the biggest country in the world and you can't even tell me who the president of the country to get those little who's a leader in a country so you're unaware right you're unaware so they think that we're in a will speak about awareness and on awareness we just realized how they're looking at us as somewhere hidden be hinted by this we are turtles in a shell and we're unaware of what's going on in the world and we are living in some sort of cloistered society which keeps us closed off from anything that's going on in the world so first of all one of the things we want to point out is that torez society when you compare the two societies so cuz I'll say meatloaf you knew some etosha mushy funny we need here the criticism of the person the criticism of the person tells you what level the person is I I remember one of my fondest memories growing up my older brother who was the family scholastic star and you know I graduated high school when he was about 16 and he was always getting eighth I remember once his grades started slipping and my parents had a meeting with him because he came home I think he had a 92 on a test you know I was so happy right but they would they were you know like what's happening over here he's not studying enough I had a 77 we went out the restaurant that night you know so you do so not touch it man you found if they're if he's being criticized for getting a 92 that tells you who the person is so in a torah society if a Torah Jew does ever steps out of line that makes the front page of the newspaper if a turret I tried to tell be by the son learning in a mere Brachfeld mere Brachfeld is faced 700 tell me debate hundred told me to whatever it is he's in the achiever for five years in that once in five years was he or any Talmud in the Sheva involved in a fistfight could you imagine 600 males between the ages of 18 and 22 in one dormitory in that one fistfight in five years could you imagine now let's substitute any other nationality it was Italians okay at least I only say all right it was Irish could you could you imagine what would happen how many we think wouldn't take 800 it would take three of them right in a course of 10 minutes so when you're looking at the society let's take a look so one time you saw to juice fighting intro that people say Jews are always fighting it's not sure there's a choice fighting which is almost never fight the two raises is a nice call to Russia shoes may argue and they may bicker about whether or not we sail on that say I found the day after he's and it's true you know cuz it's really bad stuff but at the end of the day Jews aren't always fighting Jews aren't always like you know we talk we like that we like to express our opinions let's take a look at the criticism and from the criticism then you see when I first started learning coal I said that was my career so my career was a public school guy everybody school a what they call an FSB which stands for either from from birth or fractured from birth as the case may be and I was you know I was a day school kid and I went to a yeshiva high school and I told him I had a memory if there's one moment in my life I'd like to do over it was in eighth grade when we came in from recess so we were all hot and sweaty from playing baseball and we're all standing in line by the drinking fountain there's long line and one guy at the back of the line today is a lawyer at the back of the line this guy just his last guy's line and he just goes out loud Brooklyn I got a bum chef Cole near Beaver oh it's so like about you know we all just you know what are we gonna do in a brothel that's all so so being a bunch of little goobers we got out of the way and we now that's a moment that like to have back I would like because I was thinking myself what should I have done and I know what I should or what I should have done and I should have turned around and said oh only Bieber oh now what and we should all have done it together that was it so I said this about Jerusalem first was much older is a New York public school kid he said to me Ashraf uh that that's the trouble that went on in your school he said I went to public school there was an ex-boxer who patrolled the lunchroom in order to maintain discipline in every single day somebody got beaten up by him he said that's the difference we did their world in our world and therefore we're trying to show you know but what is a Torah world for people who have no idea people are looking in from the outside what happens in the Torah world what is the what is the milah of it or well let's compare the society do we have flaws yes we have flaws and if a Jewish man is caught embezzling and it makes the front page of the newspaper we're embarrassed we're ashamed and if somebody says how could he do such a thing the answer is that the Torah at scene I was given to FFPs it was given to Dorthea the people on the highest level and that same Torah says llosir soft loose enough that Torah says don't do the things that a human being is capable of doing we never said were flawless we never said we're not capable he has a society we're doing pretty well when compared to the rest of the society for the rest of the world but we never made the claim that you think we made that we are beyond any sort of temptations in any sort of mischief or misbehavior the the Benny o yoga says a famous muscle the Vinod against there's the mother lion and the mother lion has her little Cubs yes and from Chicago and the mother lion says other lion says to her cubs listen I'm tired of feeding you and I'm tired of cooking and cleaning for you you guys have to go out and fend for yourself it's time to go out and do your own hunting so they say to the mother lion okay where can we go is listen the Lions are the kings we're the kings of the forest kings of the jungle you can go anywhere you want without restrictions any town any city you could go and gobble up anybody want anywhere you want so they go scampering off happily he had to get to the first town and as they approached the first town they see a billboard a giant an enormous billboard and on this billboard there's a huge picture of Shimshon ripping apart a lion so it's the first thing they see I'm the first day out on the hunt so they immediately turn around they run home they say mom no way you know you told us that we could go anywhere we want the first thing we see there's a giant billboard ship shows ripping apart a lion most of them hug goof Araya that's exactly what I was telling you if it would be the daily occurrence they would never put that up on a billboard that's the one time in history that had happened and therefore they made a big deal out of it let me talk you know so not such a massive fight from the fact that they're making an issue out of it that's proof that it doesn't happen and therefore when a 480 Jew is arrested in Israel 480 Jews if you remember years ago we're going back a long time when the green line was still blue the 480 Jews were in Israel and they had were arrested for what he called for breaking apart a bus there were bus stops that were being vandalized in Israel do you remember that that made international moves could you imagine on the front New York Times that they arrested some thug because he broke apart a bus stop or he vandalized the subway yeah missing that nobody would even make it into the cartoons did you imagine her ad Joo is vandalizing bus that tells you vote for it and by the way turned out it wasn't even true it was a gut it was it was a bunch of hooligans who are trying to frame the her eighties so they dressed up as fairies and they've analyzed the bus that wasn't even her eighties doing it we weren't that didn't make the front notice the friendly front front to the front page certainly not in English that didn't make it but when it's criticized that shows you what's really going on in our society the idea of lush at Hara which I mentioned earlier could you imagine in the society at large in a torah world once in a while we people are taught speaking loshon Hara okay it happens could you imagine in the world at large who were largest built on luncheon are the TV shows the dramas the sitcoms the the wedding coffee it's all ocean art and that's only the first stage and then there's actual violence and there's actual murder in a total world you're not even odd to think bad about people you certainly don't hit people and once in a while you slip up and you say something once in a while you say something negative and even then you feel guilty about it so when you compare and contrast our society to the other society than the person looking in from the outside says to you what are the benefits of bigoted or a Jew what have you got to sell where is your society what is your society about we can show the person look at her take a look at our society our society is moral to the degree more to greater extent than any other society can think of in the world people ask us about my pizza all the time why do you have a limit Itza right the answer is listen because we recognize human weakness we're not on the same high level as the conservative in the Reform and therefore we understand that unless we ever met he'd say in our shoals then were you know we're we're understand what the humans have tell you what human nature is it's even more than that though because the real secret of the mashita is that women and men are not allowed to dive in together in a show that's a halakhah and what we do is we bend over backwards make an effort a Makita doesn't separate and drive the women further away to the contrary the Meeteetse actually draws them closer because with automata say they wouldn't be allowed on the shoulder at all so the Meeteetse is something that allows them into the shoals that's up there pushes them out of the show and it's not something pushing them away it depends what your starting point is if you're given is everybody should be together and you're given is that immorality doesn't matter so then you're right but if you're looking at from a turret perspective the given is we care about immorality we care about a rice we care about human behavior and therefore the halacha says they can't be together in on place so then we put up a mecha that helps them out and allows them into the show doesn't distance that now I want to go back a little bit to the perception that we're unaware so the first thing in any interaction with a with a secular Jew if you are involved it's a very very delicate line because on the one hand because we represent Torah there are certain lines that we're not willing to cross and one of the flaws that a person or one of the pitfalls that a person could encounter in the world of Kiros specifically is abiding or buying into a hush toughie that says we have to lower ourselves and go down into their world and our approach has always been fast to show and we don't do that the Torah approaches we pull them up into our world and if there's any danger to any tough fate that he will get pulled down because of involvement in that world he FA si si speak to his rug and find out and get guidance what's a lot what's not allowed and whether or not he himself is involved in the correct endeavor at that point in his life but we never get involved if it means bringing people into our homes obviously we have to bring them in their own so personally that's to make a sheep Oh what about the influence of our children what's this going to do to our children what are they going to hear what kind of failures our kind of language what kind of demonstration of behavior are they going to see when they enter our homes how is this going to be what's effect is this going to have of my children they're all very serious child's they have to be asked however we do and we have been involved and we have an obligation to do bonus column to try to show people the beauty of Torah and the beauty of a Torah life so a person has to remember a few principles when they're doing this number one that we don't sink down to their level in any way shape or form there's no rough language and there's no behavior that's unbecoming for above a Ben Torah to the contrary they lose respect what a person maintains his Judaism to the degree that a person shows loyalty to his religion is the degree people respect them there's so many people who have never taken off their yarmulke and whether in school or at work and the people around them non-jews certainly respect of our Jews may have an issue with them but the non-jews will respect them for the consistency and the loyalty to their principles number one number two if you are involved you can show a secular Jew that you have a certain amount of secular knowledge you could relate right this world if you don't think about music you could anything about sports you know anything about politics whatever it is you could show them to try to shatter that stereotype that we are completely victims of tunnel vision we don't know what's going on outside us you can show them and demonstrate a little bit just keep it within the parameters of proper behavior that it shouldn't be something that you end up becomes the means in and of itself it gives the Gulf person gets absorbed into it and the person forgets why he was doing it to really get so caught up in it that he himself starts to pursue that interest and that's always that's always the danger that's something that we have to watch for now one of the one of the areas that people have a lot of trouble with this is almost unique to Aaron sea shell but I'd say that this applies in other areas here in Eretz Israel is the question in the United States also but specifically over here is a question of colo learning people are wondering you know you've seen the various insults that have been hurled at the from community that we're a bunch of parasites and so on and so forth and people are very curious you know here you are you have a male population I remember driving once past a certain city here in Eretz Israel some Indian car said yes and their great job opportunities here too and I was little I was surprised because most of the people in this community we're learning in coal and I said their great job opportunities here he says I'm talking about for the women right because you know the wives need the job opportunity so that the men be continued learning in coal oh so it's something that the world is baffled by because the world sees usually secular education as a means of then getting a job and most people have been to college the purpose of colleges to get grades at a prestigious college if possible because the better the grades and more procedures the university the better the job the more money you're going to make which we all know that's the goal of life and therefore if a person understands that well that's the goal in that's education has the limit now why are a bunch of grown men with families still studying if they're not studying full-time they're studying part-time earners studying every minute that they could they have a book open I mean did you graduate already why are you still why are you still learning and the answer to the approach to Colo I think is something also that we have to know because if something were confronted and again I'm talking about somebody who is a somebody who is a who is asking not somebody who's attacking my first year in Colo when we're living here in Israel for zeros married so I broke my foot I was playing basketball trying to shatter the room stereotype with some secular guys so I broke my foot and of course in Israel at the time it was during the doctors strike which is a really bad time to break a foot so they put a cast on me in the hospital then two weeks later I have the cast change and I went into the doctor doctor was a secular Jew who happened to also be from Chicago so we hit it off right away and he was examining my foot and at a certain point he said to me so what do you do I said I study in coal he said well what supports you so I said well my wife works say gave like a snicker goes I guess somebody has to do huh so I think myself you know I I'm not nice thing had fluttered through my mind and I didn't say because he had my broken foot in his hand but I was thinking myself you know look at you you went to medical school who put you through Medical School either you got a loan from the United States government or your father lent you the money or paid for it or your wife worked who I went through Medical School but to you it was the value and because it was a value to you you were willing to invest in that Valley and even take money in order to pursue their value because becoming a doctor study medicine that was a value to you to us tourists study is a value and if my wife is happy to be able to work to support me or my father or father-in-law or the Rocha Kolo are willing to fundraise for me so that I could study in color I didn't ask you for any money I'm not imposing on you in any way shape or form I didn't ask for your opinion none of which I said there but that's what I would have said that's the second moment I'd like to do over in my life wrench my foot out of his grip and then say so a person understands that when we asked the question the answer that we give has to be the true answer people say all the time what do you say to somebody who asks and the answer is we tell them the truth if somebody else how do we know Torres from Cena what do you say to some of us how do we know for a certain scene I the answer is we tell them the truth and done usually a person see which is what I say okay is that what we tell somebody else I said what how do we know that Torres Lucy Knight whatever the MS happens to be on a subject somebody who's asking a question they deserve they are entitled it is only respectful to give them an answer which is a it has to be I must be they're entitled for the answer but you have to understand that when we explain it and we explain it pleasantly and we explain it in a way that makes logical sense then the person walks away from the encounter with the from jus it's a good exceeded one a good experience and that more than the answer more than anything you tell the person is going to have the effect and his attitude towards you describe the same thing goes for the question of the women and the back of the bus this is also one of the main issues in the society today arts Torah Jews male chauvinists right I mean you even have a brother Louis on e esha I mean how blatant could we get so the answer to that question is several fold first of all and again to somebody who's asking that attacking my first response to the person is you know if we were shoving us isn't it interesting that when I got married I took on full financial responsibility for the family the people I say yeah but nowadays the women work if they do it's by choice if a man doesn't work in the old days when base then he had the in the old days a man who would refuse to go to work base in hand the other I had that he had the right to flog in he could get monkeys if he didn't go to work a man complicit you know what I think I'm gonna quit you know basic says really oh yeah you want to think about that again an hour off he goes a woman comes home and she says by the way I got good news and bad news what's the good news the good news is you're gonna be getting is better dinners from now I what's the bad news I'm gonna have more time because I quit my job I'm gonna be in the home all a man could say ders thank you for what you've done up until now she has absolutely no obligation he has no legal recourse there's nothing he could do she's doing it willingly and therefore a man which by the way fess I'll say that the pain of childbirth whatever the pain of childbirth is the difficulty of making par Nessa is twice as much I don't say say that to the girl in the first meeting in a up but I just want you to know that those are the facts right because I'll say that the difficulty the stress in the pressure of making prayer NASA is twice as painful as the pain of childbirth that's what has I'll say so person says you're shoving us if I'm a chauvinist why would I make a law why would we have a law that puts the burden of responsibility on the husband why would I make laws if it's man-made andr shoving us why would it make a law that requires me to get up an hour before my wife does so that I could have to go to trudging out to meaning and 7 o'clock in the morning and a cold frigid winter morning if I was chauvinist I'd make everybody else go I wouldn't make myself go and therefore our person asks that explain that we passed the shawl there's nothing disparaging in this religion in Yiddish guide there's nothing disparaging aimed at women in any way shape or form for everything that is said about them which could be interpreted with that way there's something that said in the app to disclose - even see Kony as they got out of its right and so on and so forth and therefore the answer has to be accurate the answer has to be respectful and the answer has to be true then the person asking the question sees that we've thought this out we know what we're doing we're not a bunch of people who are just what following the blind following the blind we are we've worked it out we're pleasant people we have a society and we have what to offer them I've just conclude by telling you that many people have had the experience of an encounter with a secular Jew and at the end of the encounter the secular Jew says you know what if all the freedom would be like you would be okay right many people have had that encounter and obviously the reason that the secular Jew is thinking that is because he's inundated with the Israeli media with the brainwashing against the Froome community and then he meets an individual on a one-on-one has a one-on-one meeting which is a pleasant meaning there are people who have opened their home to secular Jews they're in their home or thirty-seconds their lives are changed because they were face-to-face at a Shabbos meal or in a discussion with a from Jew and they walked away and in many cases it was the most exhilarating experience of their life and therefore a person when you're in kept an encounter with a secular Jew what your goal should be the goal should be that if all from Jews were like you all from Jews were like you as well from Jews were like you the secular person should walk away feeling if all from Jews were like you it would be okay they've never met and that's really our responsibility it's Easter L assure the fire safar the Gemara concludes Hsieh hate Shan Shan I'm nice I have all your talk we are the ambassador's of Torah and it is our responsibility to see to it that the people who meet us walk away with a positive impression of torah deut Torah juice and tourism [Music] you [Applause]