Secrets to Improving your Relationships - Rabbi Ilan Meirov

[Music] living in Malaya Abu Thai to school is Shamima birth name odd with a vote the topic for tonight's lecture is how to improve or secrets of how to improve your relationships this is a very vague topic to say the least what relationships are we talking about between Vallely Shah husband the wife parents the children man to man mantas creator it's not so clear so it kind of leaves the door open for me to kind of touch upon various bases the word secret bothers me mother's secret well I'm telling you Kabbalah I don't think it's Kabbalah exactly secrets I think it's very basic things like that Mossad is shocking right it's very basic things that we all know but we need look we need to maybe kind of put extra emphasis on it and base not ashamed it's not a shame all of us will hopefully be inspired billionaire do you know I've known this Kayla for many years mostly Israelis when I walked in you see the Israelis outside talking enjoying themselves I know it's mostly this really crowd of you here Israelis love politics you know Israeli politics is their commercial mom it's it's mama it's up there when it comes to world politics could be pretty aggressive but I heard a story of something that happened in in London which i think is competition with what goes on in israel they say at one time there was a certain leader politician standing and talking and during his speech one of the opposition leaders a woman starts screaming at him and she tells him you sound like a drunk man so he looks at her and he tells her and you are a very ugly woman ah okay Pacific and then he adds and then he adds but by tomorrow morning I'm not gonna be drunk anymore but you're still gonna be ugly you know eventually they say that she told him that if I was your wife I would poison you a cup of tea so he said to her with my toe he said to her and if I was your husband I would drink that cup of tea you know no I fell apart I this is this is in the political world let's a lien or I'll have let's a lien or I'll have this kind of speech takes place in the home as well you know how many times do we see that our husband tells his wife I regret marrying you I vowed I even met you or their wife tells the husband you're good for nothing I don't need you or we tell my children you're such a failure you're very slow at Abu Saleh miss Baja you're an embarrassment to our fact you take after your mother's family remedies here in Italian salt in solder how often do we do this to each other when it comes to politics it's funny and sad but when it comes to family when we talk like this it's dangerous and we don't realize that this happens so often that insults are part of our lingo it's almost like you know we're used to it you insult Tara she insults you you you attack the child you criticize the child in a very strong fashion is that hell aquarium it's part of your day it's part of your day and it's something bizarre - and I'm going to talk about today how we can improve this because if we keep letting it happy I don't care if you're married for five years I don't keep in mind for 30 years I don't care if you are still single I don't care if you're every single person myself included a lot of whom to improve on when it comes to communication when it comes to talking to people you know the time between Pesach and like Bioman Claire Lisa L mourns the death of of 24 thousands of Rabbi Akiva 24,000 students tell me Dean 24,000 we sometimes hear this number we you know we don't realize what it is that is the number 24,000 wheeled people thank you you have a Madison Square Gardens full to 20,000 people imagine everyone god forbid dies in a 30-day period we're talking about tremendous tragedy and they all died from amita called escola it's a painful death where they have a tough time greeting it's a choking death very very tragic and all they passed away the same time period the live in a bowtie why why did they have this plague this sudden tragedy that took away so many scholars like I mean tell us because watch alone Argo covered zealous they didn't give the proper respect one or another and we ask yourselves how can be such sages I mean not giving proper covered what's going on of here how could it be that these people of high stature with stoop to such a low level makalapa so listen as many answers given to this I want you to hear I'm telling you right now it's a very very important point we know I say just tell us to run away from kavod run away from honor those new things to get credit to get honor don't look for cavort run away from it so these scholars these students would I be a keeper I didn't want any honor they ran away from honor as much as possible they tried being as humble as possible they always look to keep themselves on the world below the radar but what happens is when it came to giving honor to others they didn't do it either they said cover to the table thing so I mean someone spoke and gave me speech no he's like no oh my gosh o'clock no not when someone did something good didn't compliment him or her they didn't give people that good feeling why because it said come on not a good thing but was the mistake Cavett is something you should run away from but it's something you must give others when we say run away from cover it doesn't mean don't give it to other people it means yourself don't look for it but when it comes to other people I don't have a vandal Abba praise them compliment them give them the proper feeling make them feel good this is where they quote unquote failed where they said all covered is so bad so you know what I'm not gonna want it I'm not gonna give it you either and this is a tote you know when it comes to relationships at home just thinking about for any of you that are both cause you're married you know why you're dating how is it go dating life thank you you're welcome wow you're the best I miss you I can't go without you you have all these one-liners you open the car door for her right and when she called you and you breathe it's like are you busy you really are but you find a way so everywhere are the rooms you could talk to her but while you're dating those Hashem you you make it happen suddenly you're married a month two months a year two years thank you is that part of your vocabulary you don't miss her at all yeah to open the car door forget about you you're driving before she enters the door sometimes you know the basic things are missing you know and she called you and she asked if you're busy even if you're not busy you saying you're busy makalah Access Hollywood how did we go from from being such a dick in such a gentleman to suddenly losing the basics of giving each other covered efforts in a Lam how did it go where did it go to where they wither away true these are questions that we have to ask ourselves look in the mirror and ask yourself how am i treating my wife my husband how am i doing my parents my children my mommy that baby came into the world how much love you showered him with how much love you gave her and suddenly they become four five six seven eight piton no time for them ah da can we spend time the item is mine how could we this go to your mother Abba can read nothing what happened where is the basic sense of responsibilities were hardly gone you know you have to realize that family life is very complicated it's very beautiful very complicated how do you say family in Hebrew mish pakka how do you say happiness in Hebrew simcha you know Mustafa and simcha family and happy they have very similar letters mish bhai spelled meme shinpei pate and simcha is seen ma'am yet a there's one difference what actually is amiss I have they let it pain you know we all want to have a mish bajada to simcha that's happy what's the key Larry the Jenner what's the key to have a mish behad that's happy it's the pay it's a mouse it's how you use your mouse that is it's that how big your house is and how many cars you have and how many clothes you you and your wife have that's all the cherry and on the top the actual cake the actual thing that makes the brakes of marriage is the communication it's the pace that can communication talking to one another you know like the joke goes today everyone's so busy with their phones that the husband could be sitting here and the wife could be sitting here and the husband sneezes and she sent them a text message blessed view fella we Dublin and I am the bullying and communication you know if you want to know what is the most important part of family life it's the key that line of communication open lady Belle you can psichology me to communicate and to give each other the attention that he or she deserves you know and Shabbat it's a mean hug Israel I don't care if you're from Afghanistan are you from Iran we from pulled into Germany or Russia I makes a different way from it's brought down we have a minute go down there when you Mickey douche and Friday night what do you do with the bread you cover the bread you cover the bread could someone explain to me why they cover the bread mr. Brown why do you cover the bread you cover the bread right not to insult the bread what your bread has feelings huh explain to come to the state explain to me what do you mean not to insult the bread perception imagine right now you have a relative that comes to your house he never keeps a bat cojo nothing you're about to make a deuce you're right did you tell your wife where please bring me the bread cover so she's looking for the bread cover and you if your friend tells you tell me why you trying to cover the bread oh we don't want to insult the bread he's we think you're crazy mr. Abraham what happened to you right what do you mean no one insult the bread juice - let me please anyone else' veer miss your father's only alive in a bowtie listen about Johnny's telling us obviously the bread has no feelings last time I checked they don't get insulted when you are when you bite it too hard if it's in the freezer for two days they don't get insulted they won't get hurt so why do we they make cover the bread I ask you a better question Michelle I've been thinking about a micelle is suffering in Egypt 7 no ha we're going through back-breaking labor we're going through humiliation degradation Michelle Abed is told by God it's time to save I'm inside and Michelle a barrows told go take your stick hit the water and we're gonna have the whole water supplying me time will be miss you talk you'll be paralyzed they're gonna have blood they won't have water well Michelle I better say no no I can't I cannot hit the water if we do why not the water saved him fine but we have people suffering what a mean water is saying the water has no feelings in the water Michelle I've been refused to hit the water why what's going on over here you know it says it at oh ah he don't seem to you you should be holy what does it mean kid whooshing tu what shushing do you work two trillion to grow beer what's calcium do you mean says that I'm ban you should separate yourself what moot out to you you know what that means you should separate from what smoothed out to you for example mad you got a restaurant all-you-can-eat for $25 you go you have your chicken lo mein chicken fried rice sesame chicken you have your egg rolls you have you this yeah with that and now you're done you satiated that's all you could eat that pay $25 as much so what could you take more sesame chicken motel has room why not is good cause you're rude said the to hold off don't eat it but it's kosher what's the problem you know what the idea is this is very carefully La boetie you see when the Torah tells you can do shim tu is telling you you just ate tamil a severe you satiate it you want more that more do you need it you don't need it it's what it's Thai fight the desire you it's a pleasure you want it you want to basically quench your pleasures says it will hold off you know I hold off because later when you have a forbidden desire now you already exercised your muscles to fight it off you fight off something that's forbidden by not doing something that's permitted you work like Johnny Weir sing on inanimate objects recover the bread we don't want to embarrass it insulted you know what that means generally we know we make behind the bread first then other food bank robbery do looky-loos and the bread so we call me the brand embarrass it not because it Bret has feelings to tell you cover the bread don't embarrass it see man don't embarrass your wife don't embarrass your children sometimes the food have to come out so good ah Makaha you forgot to put the salt why why sale in a negative fashion or the kids are misbehaving you insult them in front of the guests if you're covering the try not to embarrass the bread the semen is make sure you don't embarrass the human beings in the table wife don't embarrass your husband husband don't embarrass your wife we're giving you our lemons we'll share that but I didn't want to hit the water you know why Hakata Tov now of course if there's no one else to do it he would have done it but if there's someone else there I want to teach everyone a lesson you don't just degrade and means there's L something that saved you how karate tov have be grateful for the good you know when I was in high school I was very impatient also very angry sometimes so we had a very nice ship at least to help guide us with me good character traits so you don't have to help me out what did he tell me this is elan from now on when he come home we used to live in the second floor apartment building when you come home you press the button for the elevator if the elevator is passive third floor four five six by eight resin on top if it's passive third floor you should wait for it but if the elevator is already there or in a lot at first floor at the second floor third then you should take the stairs I said rabbi you you don't make any sense it should be the other way around this is another little oh if it's past the third floor you weights if it willows very floor you take this there is why when it's past the third floor I'm waiting for it I'm working on my patients several Luth wait for the elevator when the elevator is already here on the first and second floor take the stairs don't be lazy at the edge LAN what was idea behind it work on inanimate objects by working on an inanimate object you're gonna hopefully you know I'll get your muscles stronger and when I have a real-life situation of working on my patience or laziness it can help me out yeah how many times you see you know how you're driving and it shows seven six five right this stop signs about to start so whatever people do zooming to make sure you cats before if you want to really work on yourself a note with your wife and your kids or your husband when you see that start slowing man don't zoom by it slow down work and these things it's it's basically getting your muscles prepared for real-life situations it sounds a little odd it sounds a little maybe extreme but it works it definitely works if you want to really business add a shame improve your relationship with your wife your husband your children learn how to appreciate the things around you I appreciate the food that you have learn how to control yourself when it comes to food learn how to control yourself with with all these items and you see that you're able to have more seven unloads with real life matters real Scituate is we're not embarrassing the bread quote-unquote I mean you think about the next time I'm flying out when you cover the bread you say you know what today I'm gonna give my wife only compliments box remoulade Wow I mean it's also never tasted of chili before right even if maybe something's missing compliment don't embarrass don't they ah Makaha you lost yours used to be okay shame now learn compliment how to say things in a positive fashion pay their math should be positive you know when your child does something wrong or he gets a 57 on a test so you see the test you have to sign it ah you know your older brothers so much smarter than you you know that's what I've fo more than I must I don't know how this I don't know if even my child I just happen you know you give me all these insults I take her cellulite you so slow you're so foolish and you know what happens that night that child goes to sleep and he's thinking my father said I'm very slow I'm very foolish he's brushing his teeth in the morning he's about to go to school you know my father said I'm very slow I'm very foolish my mother says I'm not such a so he I'm as smart as my sister you know they said that IIIi I'm an embarrassment to the family that's what they're thinking they're thinking this and you're you're painting a picture for them I am a failure you come over to your child that gets that 57 and he tell him or her you know I see you got a 57 you suggest smart boy I know you could do better maybe next time you have a test mean you're gonna work together let's see what we can do there's a lot of shame we're gonna work together and help you out and he gets a 65 give him one curtain you see you worked a little harder you see what you did slowly but surely what are you doing you're building him up you're giving you could have destroyed him or her or you could build him or her up how many times do we destroy our children and the youth that we don't realize when they're teenagers and do something wrong it's because you already implanted in their heads shame ffs ffs' Kasbah shallow mishpokhe ah you want to have a mr. hodda to be simcom alive and aboot I work on your mouth learn how to give the proper compliments we learn how to give the proper compliments no Ivan Abu tie this very carefully you know when it talks about the pair usually we make a bit ah ha we make it back on foods how many of us even pay attention to the Bell aha there's a story that we saw Sellinger he was one of the greatest ballet moussala every show slanter one time was in a in a hotel in France part of a conference and what happens is they're having all real businessmen my name is Annette and he asked for a cup of water cup of water at the end of the conference he says how much I owe you he asked the waitress she tells him you know in these times remedies five six dollars just five dollars for a cup of water look what's special about the water in France more than the one I have in Lithuania that's where he came from ma'am I woke up awarded five dollars she tells him sir he not just paying five dollars for the cup of water you're paying for the ambience for the serenity for these for the beautiful beautiful chandeliers and the couches you City you're not just paying for that water itself but we show slant to her this he says wow what a big Mustapha he told the students you know we mix shackle me a big fellow called me a big boy everything is created is a word of a shame she's why we sing chuckling I'll be drawing a cup of water a cup of milk right reading a piece of chicken Jacques oh yeah but why such a dramatic my gosh I call me a big fellow everything so much so then I realized when I'm holding that cup of water I'm not just thinking it's time for the water it's for the cup it's for the chair I'm sitting on the air-conditioned room that I have oh I'm allowed learn how to say the words and appreciate a carotid of a car I thought of you know you make how much he left me now let's you have a nice shawarma you're holding a nice warmer Bogota shame it okay no matter how much he liked I mean ha ha have you think it's the brains where you halfway in your mouth you don't want to make a have sick how's your meeting the behind the eating like a bow tie maybe we could think for a moment about the miracle of this piece of bread you ever thought about it Tom Kha shaft him Ricky Miller points ounces think for a minute as in this this piece of brother you had there was some guy somewhere in the Midwest I don't worry is that is plowing the land he has a whole team of people plowing the land and they're planting the seeds right and they after eventually harvest there's a lot of work but they need they need rain they need rain and a college ball who brings his son out shines it on the ocean and causes vapor forming the clouds now you have to know the ocean is full of junk and pollution and garbage and there's a beautiful filtering system and the clouds all the garbages push it aside now what's it going to be worth if it rains back on the ocean I shouldn't bring the strong wind to blow their clouds onto this guy's farm it rains over there starbuck similarity has reached he harvested senator sterling company the company makes it into flour send it to a different company they're making it the dough who makes it into bread and eventually you're buying it for a dollar ninety-nine that loaf of bread in your supermarket how most election mentality realize the beautiful miracle behind the bread do you appreciate the basics that we have to thank agarose boho what are you done eating the meal your mother your wife your father what really that good for you do you say thank you to box I'm alive some people could sit there saying because Amazon will cover now since we're Victor Miller if you don't think your wife whoever is that cooked you they be cut them as soon as almost worth it Scottish alone how could you think he knows about hope and I think the messenger that gave me the food there's someone I bought the food table no rabbi she knows I I appreciated what she knows what she knows everyone needs a paprika vote everyone needs to be recognized and be appreciated let them know it let them know how much you appreciate it let your husband know how much you appreciate the work that he does and how hard he does for the family let them know don't assume that he or she knows use your pair to let me do a sneeze damage repair okay day little dot condition are back to thank to praise people you don't understand what a big difference it builds a connection you could be already eighty five ninety years ago I don't care how old you are it could be fifty you could be twenty you use your math to each other you see it builds a bond when you talk to your wife or your husband your children they don't do through text messaging give them a phone call talk talk to each other their mouth is a much stronger tool it's a tool of connection it's a tool of connection just I'm super there don't let it just wither away you know we have after a wedding we make sure about hot shareable hot you ever wonder they have a 25 year old guy he gets married Bokke semi waited many years to get married his parents drove him crazy parents drove her crazy their family married and seven days you have to see the parents every day their uncles and aunts and brothers and sisters can't be just have the wedding and go straight to Hawaii go to Florida right go to Disneyworld right after the wedding boom every day is seeing your father your mother your mother your father left you for 25 years you drove me crazy now another weekend to sit down with you learning so that Calypso dick I see all the people here laughing true or not true like well what's going on here why why do we have to make it so complicated why can't we just get married and just boom enjoy it right away I want you to understand you see the Torah is teaching us the Torah is teaching us you know marriage life is all about marriage life is not a fantasy tomorrow you have a problem a year from now you have a problem these new worlds are gonna solve the problem Mickey Mouse and we need to prove all those characters are not gonna solve your problem Hawaii won't solve the problem you sort of marriage like with reality to understand marriage is all about miss Baca the first week of marriage is all about family to tell you the marriage is about family if not about fantasies that's all fake to tell you that the purpose of your marriage is to build a stronger family - brilliant - bring business and children to the world people that get married and it goes straight to lala land as they say zimmy's laughs it's fake you're building the wrong perception of marriage therefore for one full week you stay with your family and your shareable heart and you see them every single day to tell you that is purpose of marriage life so many people today get married with the community me or not get it out of your system family it's miss behind what we spoke ah it's all about the pain it's all about the mouth there's one box I'm sorry but what do we make the okra - charcoal burger liquid or charcoal bhorali food Oh who's this with who we talking about the husband who we document this mode or cebu avilon charcoal George you get married recognizing we're here to do for Biola it's not about me it's all about hurt about what could we do for this world how much more has it what can we do for this world how much more toe are shackled by a leaked photo if your goal is spiritually oriented you'll see a lot of behind your marriage each raesha man and woman spelled out of you Trina's man he shot a live scene hey if you look the man has the youth the woman has the hey and then they both have an S&S if you have a shame in your marriage II of the UK you have a shame part of it if not you have SOS fire and fire charcoal Balika Vadhu my wife and aboot I guess it too hard to do from Israel you got tell you my sister I was like 17 years old story that shows you if your marriage is based on steel - what happens I was 17 years old singing a pizza shop in the Main Street area with one of my friends right next to us right next to us was an Israeli couple with her three-year-old son as me and my friend of eating we see they're having a Macklowe cat having an argument they're starting to argue with each other the husband it's time to wife to get the ketchup she refused to get the ketchup she's working hard she's running after the kid she tells him you get the ketchup anything I mean I yeah and my mas fighting about who didn't get the ketchup so what happens is any time a 17-2 appointee shiva this for me that a movie - entertainment you know this we don't have movie the oka shame this is for me my entertainment quote-unquote so they're arguing about this a magical way what happens is the husband gets up he says I'm going to the bathroom when I come back from the restroom I expect the catcher to be here Wow like me and my friend of Wow know your mother's call a book okay he gets up goes to the bathroom and she was a good tough Israeli woman she wasn't gonna budge and I'm not because if he's threatening me and I luckily she in the mean times busy feeding the child she's running after a child he's going here is going there and I and my friend we think of a genius idea he's in the bathroom she's over there we take ketchup from our table we put on their table Lokesh a minute I have ketchup on the table the guy comes out of the bathroom a minute or two later you could see as he's coming out he's looking to see what's going on him and he sees - and it's ketchup on the table you can only see on his forehead it says I won I won her he comes he sits down he starts eating she comes back 30 40 seconds later she's also looking you can almost read in her head it says I want him they both blacks him sitting down eating laughing talking very romantic lunch together I think it's the first time abide in my life between the two of them they memorize enjoying it they my mastery they're enjoying the meal and what would they fight about who's gonna go get to catch up from the front of the store now I don't know what happened when they got home could be he said they're the same I'm Aquila thank you for getting it what him having good you got it what happened after that but the idea is the idea is stupidity if you look at the fights stupidity he could have used his pair she could have used to her pair answering differently respectfully and the whole thing that won't happen but what they're all about me myself myself and I buy for Abu Taha use the pair you want real Simchat control your mouth you learn how to even if you having a hard time control your mouth you're stressed at control your mouth never let your mouth música de Chalons you'll see so much more pasa so much more success because ultimately check out the Jalisco tell about me tell about it's about College welcome to the world that's what it comes down to I want to end off with a beautiful story phenomenal story with the tremendous lesson I'm sure everyone here heard of grabba have rum J Twerski very well known loved and and and and therapists a person that vocal shape did a lot for cloudy Slade his father Robert or skis father was the harness type of Rebbe in in Milwaukee he was rabbuna walkie towards the end of his life about two or three months before the father passed away he was diagnosed with Shemesh mo with pancreatic cancer come on out son something that doesn't really have much of a cure so as I there as they're in the hospital discussing things the doctor doctor steps out and the father tells his son who's also a doctor to tell me he's tell me chemotherapy won't help me right and the son says about the truth is from my experience it's not going to help you Sonny says if I do take it is it gonna cause me more pain is he gonna be okay about to be very very painful so he says according to your opinion should I take the chemo shall not take the chemo what do you say I began from my understanding in my experience better offer you not to take it this live your life is another shame you just kind of suffer by doing it so the father and son agree that what no chemotherapy a couple of minutes later the wife the Rebbetzin walked into the room she says okay I just spoke to the doctors we're gonna business him struck chemotherapy the patient the husband the rabbi hears this and says yes business trying chemotherapy and the son is baffled for daddy do you lose your mind to be just agreed do you're not doing it and he basically hints to his son to remain quiet the son says I don't get it you explained to me just a few minutes gonna be agreed it's not good for you it's gonna be hurting you more it's gonna give you more child better off not to do it why did you suddenly change your mind listen to what he says to his son an unbelievable Mustafa scale he says to his son as follows you see whether I take the chemo or not my time is very limited that we go I agree but your mother my wife she was convinced that the chemo will help me out he imagine I don't take it and when I pass away what's gonna happen in her mind I should have made him do it if only he would have done it he wouldn't live a little longer so in order for her not to live with this for the rest of her life I'm gonna do this so she won't have this time always thinking about this no - abu talib told his wife listen given it i hear what you're saying but I decide I'm not doing it no no he saw that his wife believed in it and the doctor convinced her likova Bistro did not give a child he went out of his way to get even more suffering himself LaLanne would all have him any of these stories but what I do want to say is sensitivity sensitivity to your wife to your husband how many times you insult each other how many times you say I wish I didn't this I wish I didn't that I can't stand you I wish I how many times you insult and you hurt and you destroy there was one woman about ten years ago her husband passed away and a year or two or three later she was still bottarga doll she was going through tremendous suffering and one of the bunny sat down with her and tried seeing what's going on in her heart and she said to him look what I'll have you don't get it I got over the fact that my husband died a shame everyone passes away eventually what I cannot stand however is I'm just thinking about the embarrassment he's going through when he's showing him the videos of how we treated each other that just driving me crazy this is what's killing me inside of me that he was going to go through this bush I'm sure mine which I caused him I was fed forth as well the liver boot I think always what what am i doing to her what am i doing to him the lave the heart covers Ella's egg to give the proper honor to each other to respect each other every single one of us sitting in this room has room for improvement and I'm telling you try it out do this as an experiment right for one week we tell yourself starting today I'm gonna work on my dad a chance for one week not to complain just to give compliments just his look to my wife to my children to my husband to my parents and my brother to my whatever it is to learn how to be appreciative to constantly think it can see circle at the top you will see a beautiful atmosphere in your home the atmosphere in your home will be so positive so nice and all it takes is what it's the pace a few words wherever victim Melissa's even add fake compliments from fake compliments and fake smiles comes a lot of good things you know how it is in sure I don't want the heaven man yeah well why is it at work in true with your friends everyone's a good man and with the great lady suddenly when they come all the different person learn how to cook that put that fake smile that you put her to work bring it to the house as well it's gonna go a long way it's gonna go a tremendously long way so I think if we can end off with a quick Hazara we talked about we talked about this politician from from London the insults he and her were giving to each other no life in a bowtie in politics it's funny we all laughed when Donald Trump's his stupid comments right we find it funny beside it but if those comments I made at home it's not so funny all right the insults that he and we see today you know I was talking with my son about this because initially when they talk about also a Trump said and Clinton this going back in the times of the what he called the debates you know when you see the so-called leaders of our civilized world talking the way they did with the insults that she gave him and he gave her and everyone's trying to insult each other Muslim again I wear the short children this is who's quote-unquote leading our countries she'll blame is headed in politics it could be funny but at home it's that funny work and giving compliments to your family members remember that maybe I keep about 24,000 students why because I'll not lose the covers they're busy they realize the cover is not healthy so you didn't give trouble to others the towards against you running after honor so you think about hurt others but that's a mistake don't wanna die on the first up but give it to others give it compliment give the proper compliment to your husband to your wife to your children and most importantly my wife and our boat Alec we said if you want to exercise your muscles when it comes to these things practice that inanimate objects try it out try it out the next time you're sitting at work and you have your food in front of you and you satiated you have some leftover and you have a timeout to eat it don't eat it the next time you ladies are sitting at home and you want to read a book and just take a chocolate in the second chocolate chocolate fortune stopper number three all right stop at a certain point and you'll see that by practicing and inanimate objects it's gonna help you when it comes to the real world and shakoora Balika Vadhu ultimately we're doing everything for a shame we're all here to serve a college about who everyone getting involved with with something kadosh some people can get involved by volunteering their time some people could give financially some people could just teach people some people could encourage others get involved I called back Alex Butler is live for yourself you know Boca shame and Kazak we tried as much as possible to do for public school youth as much as possible programs and and and and after-school programs and is she replacement every single person sitting in this room you have a neighbor a cousin a brother a sister that goes to public school no question about it and you say no no my kid I knew she was fine shackled by Alex photo you have to do fuckos about who if you know someone you could they reckoned towards us and besom kharabagh will help them out for magazine they put them at ease Eva you know how many kids we have in our community teenagers that Shemesh more that are what involved in drugs and crime at Menards Don gain involve tell us we'll help them out we have a whole team of people we have a whole staff of people at Boca Shemer out to try to help out these public school students please don't just be cousin could place when things are good in your home it's good every was not good every was you know Boca shame in the past year and a half we work tirelessly in this matter cause lack has transferred over three hundred and sixty kids from public schools Tunisia vote it's my mosh an unbelievable number each one to do like him it's ever trying to make his she looked in the husband and wife in a man a woman why why what a headache right just to get them to get married and he said she said their father wants a big headache the putting candy she was not so easy many times the father wants the mother doesn't want the mother wants the file doesn't want or the parents won't be the kid doesn't want or in the kid wants with the school is a warning it's a she it's a big times you do her baby every case is a case we from that small you know it's a lot of work but he doesn't do the work we're telling you come to us we have a good street team of people rabbi fry me of Danny's sitting in the back we have another 20 30 people that work for us over there they will do the job for you they open up Sunday programs for you to open up every school programs for you my mash to save these youth I thought might ruin it probably not your children but children are community so I call by a liquid or as much as you can tackle is about who as well and you should know the more you do for a shame me that can I give me - I'm gonna do for you you know when you how about someone else's child Hashem says wow look at that he gave money towards this cause or he helped out this child by inviting him to the house so he had to put into yeshiva you know he already got some he's suing on other people's children let me take it off him his own children you know don't I always tell people something I heard from is Tyler anyone has to being a certain amount of children to the world if you have to bring in five children to the world and you only have three children you stop at three you'll get the headache at five children in those three you're not running away from your responsibilities yeah understand so if you want a - any responsibilities do for other children do do follow children in Aquila Hashem will take away the headache from your children there's a lot of shame as cable cut it your caliber in XII bless every single one of you assume she give you all our hood Shamim be blue tree knock hobbies are the same you should have true true Shalom buy it with some context a game and it seemed cries all depend on the pay my Baha means nothing if you don't try to work on it right if you want to have simcha on your own where can you pay connect with your wife with your husband with your children and every single one of us should be blessed when I met you see only na heart McCauley attract a Latino and we should only be so Kalavati I'd go outside agree maybe I may know a man BAM you [Applause]