Q&A: Overcoming Addiction - Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch

[Music] the next question comes reviewer who's suffering from addiction and he doesn't know how to overcome it dear Robin Shaun Bach I started developing addictions when I was in high school my friends suggested that I try some illegal drugs and I did so and enjoyed doing so for several years however after a few years of taking these drugs I started getting involved and worse abuse substance to the point where I believe I'm now totally addicted what should I do dear viewer I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a terrible time unfortunately there are so many people in our society that suffer from addictions they can become addicted to alcohol they can be dipped into drugs or they can have what we call process addictions that can become gambling addicts or internet addicts these are very difficult things that many people are suffering today but I want to tell you there's some things that can really help you get over your addiction there is something called the 12 steps the 12 steps was brought into the Jewish community a number of years ago by the famous rabbi dr. Abraham Erskine where the 12 steps come from the 12 steps come from two very wise people in the southern United States in the 1930s who themselves were alcoholics they started seeing that our society has many types of problems and alcohol is one of the biggest problems that we face but they decided there's only one way out and they created something called the 12 steps that helped them overcome addiction and they wrote something called the big book the 12 steps are extremely powerful let's just go through the first three steps to understand the power of how to overcome an addiction the first of the 12 steps is admitting that you have a problem and that you're powerless to overcome in what you're going through this is indeed extremely important and you very bravely have written me a letter saying this I'm in trouble I have this terrible addiction Tolga vote to you that's the first step the first step is always admitting you have a problem and I'm sure you've met so many people that say I don't have a problem I'm not an alcoholic I can drink and I can stop well I don't know if it's true maybe they can drink and they can stop sometimes but if they're in a social situation where there's a lot of peer pressure they can't stop drinking perhaps they're leading their life towards becoming an alcoholic but you have taken on a different direction you've been admitted now that you actually have a very serious problem that's the first step in the road towards recovery step number two is extremely powerful according to these 12 steps a person that has an addiction has often lost a sense of free will they become a slave or victim to their addiction there's no way out they're feeling like they're boxed in like the world is a cloudy and dangerous place to be in and there's no escape from the pain well if you've gotten to this point which is called rock-bottom this is the second step now realizing one that you have an addiction but now number two realizing that you cannot really help yourself you need something greater than yourself to overcome your addiction and according to the 12 steps this greater power is God ash on McCulloh barf oh thank God as Jews we have the belief that there's a God in the world who created this world and not only created the world but sustains the world at every moment and actually cares about every individual it's that same God that brought the Jewish people out of Egypt it's the same God that saved Abraham from being burnt alive that is the God that helps us every day in our lives even when we don't recognize his presence in our day to day moments it's that God that we can also turn towards to get us out of our addiction a very famous psychiatrist Viktor Frankl once said if you reach behind your back you cannot grab your shoulders and pick yourself up indeed you need something higher than yourselves to pick yourself up higher in the 12 steps specifically in the second step that higher power is God therefore I want you to turn towards God and then wait perhaps you've never done so before I want you to turn towards God and ask them for help please help me out of this show me the way out of this I need you to get beyond my addiction because I can't do it alone then the third step is make a decision to turn your will over to God's well what is God want from you what did you want you to do in this world how did he want you to behave become is representative in the world by carrying out as well his will is defined in our Torah lets us start with the basics look at the 10 commandments what does God want from me in this world he wants me to believe in him he wants me to keep the Sabbath he wants me to honor my parents he doesn't want me to blaspheme his name he doesn't want me to kill to steal and to cover people these are very very important principles in the Torah see if you can see yourself as a representative in this world carry out his will this will require you to give up some of your ego to not look at the world as a place that is just for yours for taking but look at yourself as being placed in this world to carry out tasks from God himself and beyond the ten commandments there's 613 commandments an entire Torah that was written to teach you how to live your life properly I suggest you consider looking at these three principles one admitting you have a problem two turning towards God to help you out of those problems and three turning your will into God's will if you do these first three things successfully I believe you'll have a greater chance of overcoming your addiction and don't stop with the three steps go onto all 12 steps they're quite remarkable dr. Abraham torski has written many books which were great introduction from a Torah scholar on how to access and implement the 12 steps in your life and there's a lot of support for you if you can't just do it alone is often suggest you join a 12-step group look for other people that can help you there are many people that have actually overcome addictions and you'll meet them in group settings and be able to learn from their experience and gain physical strength from how they'd overcome their addiction and now you can come your addiction more effectively as well welcome to this new series of Vida Brut called marriage matters my name is rabbi Daniel Samba and I'm a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in New York and around the world via Skype on this important series I will be answering your questions you have about marriage relationships dating parenting and about any issue during the family relationships but more than what I have to say I want to hear what you have to say so please email to this address and send in your questions and I'll try to answer as many questions on this Michelle