Q&A: I Never Get Anything Done! - Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch

[Music] the next question comes from a listener who says he or she is suffering from procrastination a procrastinator and somebody that just keeps on avoiding doing what they have to do first and wait just to the last minute to do it or perhaps never does it so let's talk a bit today about how to overcome procrastination hello Ravi shondo I enjoy watching your video clips and heed the Brutes they're powerful and informative I wanted to ask you how to deal with chronic procrastination ever since I remember myself I postpone things even though I make to-do list as on my organizers notepads on my iPhone I barely get to do small a small percentage of my errands and keep pushing them off the next day some of my errands remain on my list for months and even years I'm extremely frustrated please advise dear listener there's several possible things that may be affecting you some of the things you were pointing to may have to do with the way you perceive yourself and your life well other things may have to do was something called ADHD attention deficit hyperactivity disorder let's go to the first thing many people that suffer from procrastination may be perfectionists meaning they only want to do something if it's perfect and since most things in life are not perfect they avoid doing things at all they leave things to the last moment if that's you I suggest that you work on something called cognitive behavior therapy and start examining what we call thinking traps our perfectionist basically believes that there's something inherently wrong with themselves so the only way to overcome such deep feelings of feeling bad about themselves is to be perfect the problem with that is if you're constantly fighting these feelings of imperfection and being perfect you're going to avoid doing things because almost everything life is in perfect therefore it's time to start learning how to accept yourself more in life this can be done through a lot of self affirmations telling yourself that you're a good and telling yourself that you're good enough explaining to yourself everyday that you're only going to try the best you can and that's the best you can do and that in fact no one is perfect it's better to do things imperfectly and to not do them at all the second thing I want to suggest you besides working on your inner messages is looking at your life differently I have found that there's two dimensions that people with procrastination suffer with one is time and two is space what are we mean by space space means that I have to accomplish things in the physical world so for example people have come to me that are accountants or lawyers or teachers that have to present a lot of information to people and documents and they'll procrastinates the last minute have almost do them at the last moment just before things are too late and I told them that that's not a really healthy way to do things because they're trying too hard to fill up space they're trying too hard to finish something in the world I want them to shift their orientation more to time meaning that instead of thinking that you have to finish what you're doing just spend time doing it every day so that would mean I'm going to spend one hour each day working on this project I'm not concerned whether I finish it or not I'm just going to spend some time doing it I found that very simple shift is very powerful because if you're just focusing on finishing something and you're perfectionist you're not going to want to start it it will be impossible to finish because it won't be perfect so tell yourself something else I don't have to finish this I just have to work on it work on it for one hour every day if you do this you make that switch you may find your life much easier and you'll accomplish a lot more the other area which we need to discuss is ADHD attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder there are some adults that spend their lives undiagnosed with this very difficult disorder ADHD has two different types one is inattentive where people cannot be attention that you'll see a lot with teenagers or kids and schools that can't pay attention to the teachers can't finish their assignments while other people are called hyperactive meaning they're constantly moving can't sit still I want you to speak to a competent psychiatrist or psychologist and find out do you in fact suffer from ADHD many people that suffer from ADHD for example feel overwhelmed with life and with responsibilities and many things catch their attention they can't focus on finishing one thing if the phone rings they have to answer the phone call if there's something interesting to watch they get pulled into that movie or that show so they can't finish what they have to finish because there's something suffering with something neurologically called ADHD there's talk therapy for ADHD while others will try some medication to see if it will work I'm not suggesting that you take medication I am suggesting that you visit with a competent psychologist or psychiatrist who could evaluate if you indeed have this problem welcome to this new series amitabh root called marriage matters my name is rabbi Daniel shomba and I'm a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in New York and around the world via Skype on this important series I will be answering your questions you have about marriage relationships dating parenting and about any issue during the family relationships but more than what I have to say I want to hear what you have to say so please email to this address and send in your question and I'll try to answer as many questions on this Michelle