Parenting: Children Cutting Off Their Parents - Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer

[Music] there was a child that went to his mother he says mommy you know this is very inquisitive and precocious upright kitties is mommy where do we come from so the mother says well we come from Adam you see Adam had a child then he had another child and so on and so forth well apparently he wasn't that convinced or he wasn't that satisficing with his father he says his father daddy where do we come from and his father said we come from monkeys so the child was very perturbed and very confused really torn see he goes back to his mother says mommy I don't understand something you say that we come from Adam from the first human being and daddy says we come from monkeys which one is it so mommy says oh he's talking daddy's talking about his side of the family obviously we don't subscribe to that at all it's just a joke but I'd like to talk about an extremely serious subject and maybe a little controversial and maybe hard for some people to swallow but I think it's very important to address before she shot him because before she's shown immediately before she shot it's a time to pause it's a time to reflect it's a time to assess and it's a time ultimately to forgive to forgive forgiveness is very very hard for the human being exceedingly exceedingly hard to forgive we all want to cling on to our emotions we all want to click on tossed ill-at-ease and resentments and to forgive and forget and to move on it's almost we're so obstinate it's such a big impediment an obstacle to be able to forgive but yet so many of us live with such deep pain as so many of us beer such heavy grudges and we walk around scarred it's not healthy for us so one of the topics that I believe it's very very crucial for us to talk about is the topic of abuse and victimization particularly as it pertains it's relevant to parents and children I feel that there's a proliferation it's not a pandemic but there is definitely a proliferation of parents and children that are really at each other's necks I'd like to start off with maybe the more uncommon scenario and that is the parent who claims that they are abandoned by their children and that they're mistreated and disrespected by their children so let's talk about what happened with the cuts Kariba a fellow came to the cut scrubby and this was an aged man and very elderly man and he said to the courts gravity says you know he says I'm going through very hard times now he claimed that he lost all his assets all his money and that he once was a person of means but he lost everything and he has to go begging because his children were all Ballia high lists all people that are very capable the people of substantial means they're wealthy people they refuse to help him imagine the children refused to help their father and he was beside himself he was devastated was debilitated by the idea that his own children won't take care of him and the said in order to pacify in order to be Menachem to comfort him a little cuts were said listened he said there's a cut precedent for this in the terracotta show and the Torah there's a precedent for this and what is the precedent when the young man was taken and was basically his life was in jeopardy his life was a limbo and you who - his brother comes to the Egyptians to Yosef to try to intercede and intervene on his behalf and his BC chick is imploring he's begging for Benjamin's life and he says listen if you don't let him return what's gonna be with Bingaman's father Yaakov he's gonna be grief-stricken he's be moribund he's gonna die says the cuts good it doesn't make any sense what did you just ask repin see here forget about the father father's an old man or - Yaakov what about the young uns sons he has ten children they'll all be rendered your Simon - all become orphans why doesn't you who to mention the fact when he's trying to get clemency and mercy why does he petition and say how could you do this don't you have any compassion aren't you human being what's the matter with you says it cuts me see from here that parents love a child far more than child will ever love the parent that's human nature and the ostrich sir reveal Merrill AVL gosh strips are said a very keen observation because everything in you in psychology everything has a the Torah is a blueprint so everything is modeled after the Torah so he says where do we see this from he said we know this from Adam Rishon the first human being never had any parents he had many descendants he had progeny who he loved and took care of but he never Denny parents so when he loved his children that implanted that embedded this innate type of love that he bequeathed the idea of loving the child where a parent loves a child but the reverse for a child to love the parents of them never have that because you know parents he says that's the human condition so of course it's normal for parents who love a child but how many children are walking around how many children are walking around feeling unloved and feeling neglected and claiming abuse no let's be candid and Frank over here real abuse it was your obligation of keeping a vein there are hockey grounds and I beg you don't take my authority is an answer consult with your own rough but they're Holograms have a person of a child is really abused or has wicked parents there's at Isis's there are mothers of our shelter zi butts there's a box there's a plethora of a home that discusses now unless the parent suffers from a severe mental condition let's say Alzheimer's the real senility or dementia or even maybe schizophrenia which the parent we really can't be held accountable because it's a real mental disorder the child then still has to respect that to take care of the parent I'm not talking about that when the parent is vicious malicious cruel and the parent cucit treatment doesn't get treatment and really inflicts their child with emotional scars a physical or a mellow state and whatever it is cost rochonc alphabet of course there are a lot of grounds for the child to alienate the parent but most of the situation's most cases are not like that most scenarios and when the child feels unloved the child feels that the parent was absentee parent the child feels that the parent was hyper critical the child feels that the parent was never emotionally there for the child or that the child blames the parent for Kuster some Rahman saw a divorce or for lack of shala bias in the home in these cases a child has to sit back and reflect and assess and pause and understand that parents are only human parents were not given a manual they were not given a guidebook on how to be parents it's hard many many parents that I meet they tell me they're financially drained they have financial stress that more than one kid by Hashem that they have to take care of with different they have sleep deprivation there's a lot going on and therefore it takes a child to be forbearing that takes a child to be forgiving and to be patient and kind if I'm not mistaken I think it's if only going the brother it says that the reason why it before the reason why firstborn get speech 9 gets double inheritance this goes after horse he's the firstborn he was the guinea pig the parents had experiment the parent has no idea and many times the parents themselves had parents who did not have to be parents and then it becomes a vicious cycle they perpetuate because we're creatures of habit that's not malicious but that's what happens so I'd like to share a few what they're available Sciences the Rabanne Vicario says in the name of the rasathi ago he says we're sad you're going that the reason why the Torah Lord God promises yulymarie you clean your mouth huh I really see on the longevity extra life for taking care of your parents is because it may be very difficult it may be very challenging to take your parents appearance me much are you and yet Hashem says if you do it I will compensate you you won't lose out I'll give you extra life when everybody else is never going you'll be around you'll be able to revel in the fact that you took care of them another idea that's espoused by the orihime militia he called supported ich email the Aviv T Raul ich a singular man emo v Aviv his mother and father Kyra oh shall be revered T Rho means plural so there's no consonants over here it's incongruous it doesn't make much sense it's as a man ish and then it ends off T Rho plural you shall Revere your parents and says there are caramel colors that the reason why this poor is because if even in a challenging environment even in a very difficult instance you take care of your parents you're respectful to them that's all just be respectful to him Tirra o means that you it's going on that child that had a hard time relating to his parents respect his parents and the end your own children will one day respect you because of the lesson that they saw osmosis they glean from you and even if you were difficult one day we don't know nobody knows what happens to our brains nobody knows if we could preserve our Kalin whatever it is people age in different ways and even when were young we get different emotions your children will respect you but I think the most astounding Kurdish is that of remains unconvinced or Sumerian his men shut off more impartial first column where he says that even if a child was given up was abandoned where the parent did not raise the child of course the child should say them nothing no cyclists no connection to the parents totally alienation total isolation total disconnect total suffering tars says we're Maher simplices / Samantha and inertia Huffman you're not allowed to just Mitzvah of keep it over aim and he says Amory to go finish this is an amazing thought he says when the Torah was given where this Mitzvah keep it on her aim respecting parents doesn't say to love parents you may not love them you may feel mistreated but it says respect them when the Mitzvah was given it was given the desert in the desert he says the parents weren't providing for their children no mothers were doing laundry for their kids it was the cloud Don Nadia coupled they were ironing oppressing the clothing and laundering the clothing he says no mother's or Father's were supporting their kids or giving them food it was the month from Shamai in the manner that was falling and they weren't even giving them to drink that was the better of the well and the meat they got from the quarrels he says the parents weren't taking care of the kids and yet the Torah says keep it up an egg so you'll tell me oh but they were learning from the parents and they have to respect them because the parents were communicating to him the precepts and ideals and the values says Misha Hoffman oh the parents didn't teach the kids as much as motivated is Kanan did he says but as long as they were born from these parents there's a mitzvah this obligation of keep it up at him and it's hard it's very very very hard nobody's doubting the challenge nobody's doubting the struggle but that's why we have our abortion that's where you have a Torah kedusha because that's what is there to guide us it's before Shoshanna Mia theame Olmos very precarious times we don't know who's gonna live or die we all wants cousin if I'm not mistaken I think was about shelter that said from the mission of us da na maloom info which literally means know what's above you in other words empty Russia mine have fear of heaven no is a higher being there's a bar so I'm watching every step you take but a different interpretation dolly mala mija if you want to know up there how they think about you and how you gonna be judged it's meme car it's from you it's the way you treat others if you're forgiving if you're kind if you're compassionate then everybody Psalm says you know what I know he wasn't the best guy this you're a girl this year I know we had trouble it's Omaha it's the way you take care of others it's the way you are compassion understanding of forgiving to others and merciful to others that's how they're a bunch of miss Mercer 'full to you we all want Michelle to come and I heard people say well mushy up will come when all the irreligious become religious you know yeah and they blame it on everyone else it's this one's full of a shift in coming that's that one's fault rabbi Stein ladies and gentlemen Michelle we want Messiah let's fix our Apple carts let's get our family relations straight it starts with us let's work on our own kitchens let's work in our own homes to have peace to have after step unity in our own homes and I have a little little idea I'd like to start a community issue that gives parenting classes because I believe that children as much as they have to learn to be forgiving about parents and to be more patient with parents perhaps parents must understand what it means to be a parent how to give love to how to give guidance to children how to have a house that without strife without enmity without the struggles but a house of harmony and peace I think it's so important to have these seminars I'd like to start that in the communities parenting seminars may we all be blessed with a sweet happy forgiving ear ash nas for all of us all year of blessing and success and a caseta Cosima Tova Kenya red zone thank you for listening [Music] you