Our Family, Our Strength - Principle #6: Parental Commitment - Rabbi Yirmiyahu Abramov

you in the series of the 25 basica basically child rearing we are now in principle number six usually young parents that's the period of their lives when they are rearing their children they're having children they're educating their children they usually are at the height of other endeavors in their lives they facing a multitude of challenges it's building themselves career-wise it's building themselves personally as individual it's working on their marriages it's establishing themselves socially within the community financially so parents are facing a multitude of challenges in their early days of life and they are personally growing they're growing in their own personal growth that their their Torah study so amidst all of this children can sometimes be given to feel that they're basically a nuisance they sometimes cry at night they sometimes have nightmares at night they sometimes don't allow parents to have their beauty sleep they sometimes get in the way of social engagements they are a major factor that parents have to factor in in their very busy lives now children if they feel that they are a burden and a nuisance so they feel they're being relegated to a position of insignificance and that's a terrible thing a child's got to feel that he's number one a child's got to feel that his parents that he's everything in his parents lives and true parents were they juggling around many many factors they have to make an effort to let the child know that the child is always and always will be the most important thing in their lives now a father mother family can be facing a financial crisis and this financial crisis is something that they working on that they concerned about that they're discussing that's that's completely all-encompassing to them so if the child is very young and cannot understand things then the parents have to make an effort that when the children are around they are the same old smiley happy parents they can't allow that they're put circumstances to profoundly affect the child because the Far child then feels rejected now if the child is already of a mature age that the child can understand then bring the child into the issue and tell them you know children right now we're facing a financial crisis whatever it is we are resting with some issues of significance so we want you to understand that we love you and that you most central to our lives but you'll find mummy and daddy very often deeply involved and sifting through papers and sometimes having looks of gloom around them something which can happen if if one of the parents or parents lose their source of income and they are are extremely challenged by this and obviously this affects the personality and this affects a person's behavior but just remember at least explain to the children ask the children just try and bear with us we love you and we care for you but we're trying to get out of our situation sometimes a special on you can have a situation of health of health and the family a child is ill a parent is ill and again the the child needs to be brought into the situation and he needs to be brought in and feel that he's part of this he that the family is going through a challenge right now if the child can understand this that there is a challenge facing the family and therefore the and the the parents are more distracted if the children are not of the age where they can begin to understand this their little toddlers their little kids and they can't really understand this then we have to make huge efforts in addition to contending with the issues at stake we have to make huge efforts to keep a smiley countenance towards these children now sometimes in extreme circumstances with his serious illness board members the family are hospitalized or whatever it is and the parents are totally distracted and they have to spend vast amounts of times outside of the home so make sure that whoever is going to be in the home is a very sensitive caring person and to what it do to the extent that one can explain this to the children but just to send them off and just to send them out is not it is not a good thing without them understanding why so the child must never feel that he's a hindrance to the parents growth to the parents progress or chair parents pleasure and that you can't discuss a lot oh you've a what are we going to do with the kids or EV the children on our vacation and this is going to there's a strike on the buses and there's no schools and that becomes a tragedy that shouldn't be the feeling that the child should be should feel that he is this a way that he is this person that is causing so much a problems for the parents he has to feel that he's number one had he's the most important thing in the child's life in the parents life because he doesn't necessarily feel this anywhere else so here is where he has to he's given this feeling so the child who has the security that he's always number one even when they are challenges and he sometimes brought into challenges the parents will naturally be more understanding and the child will be more understanding and the child will be understanding of the parents commitments and their priorities