Our Family, Our Strength - Principle #22: Family Experiences - Rabbi Yirmiyahu Abramov

okay we continue with the twenty five basic principles of Jewish child rearing we are now on principle number 22 family experiences now too many this sounds well yeah that's the Thanksgiving dinner once a year and possibly gathering around the table and Passover and lighting the candles around the Chanukah lights the few and far family gatherings and the odd similar the odd wedding or bombers fights etc family experiences really take place every week arisa but every Jew has three major family experiences the Shabbat and festival table experiences should be something really to look forward to not just the food to the atmosphere to the vibes that are going on to the intimacy of the family let the family interact and as we know on Shabbat we are completely detached from the media we detach from outside influences that are keeping our attention we can use a bat in the most fantastic way for our own family interaction getting to know each other having a good time together that means eating together preparing the food together let every child pitch in in his own little way baking making something make a big fuss about the little pie that the child made or the way the child are creatively laid the table doing some very sophisticated form of napkin folding and make and flower arranging whatever it might be let the children feel that they part and parcel of the special event to take place and that's the Shabbat meal the meal and that's a real experience we know that it's a prescription of avila ha that on Shabbat oneonta we eat the finest in the best we dine and wine in the fender in the finest manner to honor the festival to honor the Shabbat so really those ingredients are there it's a grand dinner with the finest food that we're going to have during the week so this is this is a real grant let's treat it in the grand manner we all dressed in a Shabbat finery and we assembled around the table so now let's use this fantastic setting for positive interacting so it's not the arena where one parents start lecturing away two kids or try and get through the meal as fast as possible let's really interact interacting means singing together it's a fantastic concept of family singing together even if we have different generations different age groups have different tastes of music but there's something so fantastically comment about the songs of this me wrote the songs that are sang at the shadows and fog table let's sing together let's harmonize if we got the ability let children bring in new songs that they've learnt and they let everybody have their little say have a little say if they're saying something on the weekly portion or if they've got some little comment to discuss the father who is the who is the conductor of the meal should be very cleverly orchestrating making sure that everybody heard everyone gets hurt everybody is heard everybody has their little chance he's giving over his subtle messages he's saying over his stories and if we keep the children engage in this manner they'll behave they'll want to participate they'll sit like little angels around the shower table but on the event if we just threw out a few perfunctory questions and then proceed to ignore them because we have some important guests and therefore will either do which is usually a great error to relegate the kids to the children's table that's a fantastic recipe for misbehavior at the children's table but if we have our little children as it says as da vidim LF describes that are children around us like a cluster of grapes and we're sitting around over there and they're around us and we interacting with them the guests will appreciate this we can relate to the guess we can bring the guests into our inner circle most guests enjoy that more than being given the soul and unique attention they enjoy the fact that they've been invited into the family and they're interacting with the family of course we have to relate to our guests but let them all support us about that the children feel a sense of responsibility towards the guests let them make sure let them be serving let them have axial courtesy during the course of the meal we have these every single week three a day three a week there are three main so dot each one is a celebration and this is the most extraordinarily positive way of a family interacting now when the family learned to interact in such a manner and it isn't riddled with threats and misbehaviors if you bring a child in give the child he say and you'll feel these participant in this he's part of this hill / he'll really be part of it and he'll feel it's his and this way to become a fantastic experience it goes without saying that other family experiences are extremely important going out to some family simpler a family joy to some family outing these are great all of these things fund the family together these are areas the children will remember and relish those great days when we interacted we sang together we drank and we ate together we we had fun together we laughed together we explored each other's feelings together we debated together these will go down in memories as fantastic experiences and a part and parcel of building this child in the context of the family you