Our Family, Our Strength - Principle #1: Healthy Husband-Wife Relationship - Rabbi Yirmiyahu Abramov

Shalom we are about to begin a series of principles of educating children in accordance with the Jewish alifair the Jewish law this is based on a book that we have written that's my self and my wife rivets into HeLa abramoff which is called our family our strings now we have here one chapter which is the 25 basic principles of child rearing we discussed this chapter at length with the late rabbi well bear the great much girth the great leader of our generation who passed away a few years ago and he was an expert in education and he assisted us greatly in the endless series when we first brought to him these 25 principles the most significant change that he made was to change the order and he suggested the principle number one which were about to do in educating children in charity in child rearing is husband wife relationship he said that should be principle number one because any attempts to modify or develop middest or character traits of children will be directly at affected by the atmosphere in the home the home is the prime place it's the arena where children grow and that home must be a home of peace and harmony and quiet and quiet and tranquility and love and friendship fun happiness and that is obviously dictated by the parents when the parents husband and wife have a loving relationship this relationship will permeate the entire home it will become the setting for the children to to develop and to grow in a comfortable relaxed and loving atmosphere now obviously we know that there are inevitable differences between husband and wife there are issues sometimes that need to be sorted out preferably these issues should be sorted out not in front of the children these issues should be sorted out in private husband wife can go for a stroll and can go out somewhere or can behind a closed door can sort these things out that's a separate issue how unsought sout issues but it's really not a good idea for parents to express extreme differences and sometimes loudly express them and sometimes take exception great exception with the others opinion the child who loves them both equally and that's the way it should be father and mother have different roles but in a certain sense the child has a special feeling for each one in his own little man in his own little way and there's nothing more painful to a child then having a situation of his two great heroes in his life who are at loggerheads with each other so revolver said that's the most important thing of educating children is for parents to improve their only relationship now of toys a good idea who doesn't want to have a good relationship but this is an added incentive because it's very important to take these little buds that are just beginning to grow just beginning to develop and the primary growth that takes place takes place in the home this home must be a place of harmony of peace of love and a fun children have to feel happy at home they have to feel that the home is a happy home you know there's one of the most difficult chapters in the Torah is the Parashar of bends or arrow Murray that's the rebellious child and it's it's it's a it's it's very painful in a very difficult circumstance which has I'll tell us never happened there never was a Ben Sira Maria however the PASOK says a Nana Shum Arabic : oh he doesn't listen to our voice the child is rebellious and he doesn't listen to our voice now our voice means one voice parents must always have a single united front and if they don't the child is forced to make choices painful choices sometimes children learn to play up and then oh well if I side with daddy on this issue and with mommy on that issue you know I go to them to this one for that to the other one for that it's the child becomes manipulative and even subconsciously and that's not a healthy situation of course daddy and mommy are different people different individuals but there's no situation where their child knows well if I go to daddy he's going to say no so I'll go to mummy or the other way around parents have to speak with one voice the children have to feel this now of course in a proper Tara home parents can certainly show affection for each other not in front of anybody else physical affection physical affection is something private is intimate it's something personal but one can show affection with the smile with the wink with the with with the the shows the signs of respect so this is the most important issue this is principle number one let's make our home a nice happy and cheerful peaceful home of tranquility and harmony you